1st letter of July 2005

1) 14th Sunday in Ordinary Time, July 03, 2005

Monday, June 27, 2005. As my personal learning goal for the CPE program is to write my daily journal faithfully regards whatever I learn of it, so I write the story of my clinical service this first day of the fourth week of the CPE. Today I woke up freshly and started the day with morning prayer with the brothers at 6.15 a.m. and continued with breakfast. The CPE started at 8 with morning devotion and we had debriefing with Digna, our supervisor. With Digna as well we shared our story theology in which I shared mine which was about my reflection on the driver’s license. It’s a good discussion on this matter since it’s been quite long time I want to share it and it’s the good time I have gut to reflect, write and share to my colleagues as well as I put on the last week journal. In the discussion, we analyze in starting with feeling level then to theological themes, metaphor and association just like my experience in theological reflection group at CTU. We shared this for one hour and continued with another friend’s story.
After having lunch, I did visit patients at 6 West as my primary unit. This time probably I visited about 15 patients. I’d like to recall them one-by-one as I remember now. As I saw on my list there is one young lady at one room who only speaks Spanish. Since I don’t speak many words in Spanish, so I just gave her a prayer card. She is from Mexico but as I asked her what religion does she belong but she said no religion. I was doubt but next time or maybe tomorrow I will invite one nurse who speaks Spanish to translate her. Some other patients whom I visited today are elderly women. Some I have visited and gave them communion. Every time I visited an old lady, I always sit on a chair with asking permission and being close to her because sometimes they can’t hear me. Once a lady said to me, "Speak up!" I always try to speak politely, slowly and humbly to them. Often times after I said prayer for them, they were glad and grateful to me. There was one old lady in 80’s was sitting on her chair enduring her back pain and she was wearing a big cloth belt to tight her backbone. She spoke softly and was not feeling happy with the doctors because they don’t believe on her. She said to me that she is not faking on her pain but it seems that the doctors don’t want to hear her. I was being present with her and listening to what she’s saying even though sometimes I couldn’t hear and difficult to understand, but compassionately I was with her and prayed then gave her communion. I asked her about her feeling about God and how God toward her. She answered it but I still difficult to catch it. There was one young man patient whom I visited for the second time. He was very happy for my visit and asking me some questions about my identity. I offered prayer but he didn’t want then he asked me the prayer card. I gave it to him and said my best wish to him since he’s going to leave tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. There was one 84 year-old woman whom I visited for the second time. Sitting on her chair beside the bed while her cloth was not neatly worn until her left breast appeared, she was grumbling to ask a medicine for her painful but the doctor and nurse don’t give her. Until someday she came out of her room and cried to ask a pill for her painful. When I visited her, she asked me this medicine, "Would you like to give me a pill?" I replied, "I am not a doctor." I have another pill that maybe make you fell better. Since she is a Catholic so I offer her communion and she liked to receive it. I prayed before her and gave her communion. She’s very happy but after that once in a while she screamed asking pill to the nurse and doctor. There is one young patient who is diagnosed with cancer and she has to postpone her wedding that is supposed to be in July. I offered her prayer and communion and she received willingly with her mom as well. One old man who is Lutheran has been brought to the hospital because of bleeding through his penis that maybe came from hid kidney or bladder. Nicely he told me about his family, his original home in Northern Wisconsin and he has to come to his daughter’s house in Illinois to have better treatment. After I prayed with him, he looked happy and took the prayer card gratefully.
I am in charge of this unit that is called 6 West. It has about 17 rooms and each room normally has two beds. I visit all patients regardless whatever their religions. My goal here is to give spiritual care to the patients but sometimes there are few ones who deny or don’t accept my visit. I appreciate their privilege and try next time again politely. One middle age lady whom I visited was enthusiastically continued talking to me with her husband as well after I finished the prayer and asked where they are coming from originally. They answered, "From Italy, Palermo, Sicily Island." Then instead of leaving, I said, "Parlo Italiano un poco." Then I told them that I am a seminarian of the Xaverian Missionaries from Parma-Italy. Looking them accepting me to talk more, I stayed with them longer and they told me many things. They have been living in the USA since 1950’s. At least I have some experience and vocabulary to talk about Italian with them since I have been there for 10 days before I landed in the USA in 12 November 2002. Apparently, there is different treatment toward me after I told them that I have special connection to Italians. They were more welcomed to me even when I met the patient’s husband at the elevator, he greeted me. One thing that I learn today is how do I get common ground to talk with the patients or the family that make them like to share or enthusiastically accept my presence, even though I know that not my intention to be accepted by them, but at least I do my best to be with them and share qualitative chatting and time. I believe that make others feel happy is part of their healing as well. This time, I was more confident with myself to enter the patients’ room. After I did all visits, I filled out the charts and put the data mainly the initial visit to the computer. This method looks like more efficient than last week I used, namely after visit a patient, I was charting and put them on the computer. Now, I know what to do: concentrate on one thing, namely, visiting the patients after putting sign on the communion list and initial visit with marker. Concentrating on one thing, that is, engaging with patient will be more focus on the patient rather than looking for the chart and become anxious to find them out. In the beginning I was thinking about this clinical job. I asked myself: How come my time is much more spent on the filling out the chart and the computer’s data entry and not to focus on patient. Probably, in the beginning I was not accustomed to do this job so it took me a while. At least, I know which part I have to put weight on. Not the chart and data, even though they are important and I have to do it, but the most important is meeting patient and giving them my heart and full attention. After all of these done, I can do the formal things, namely, filling out the chart and computer. But, I have to write little things on my papers so that I can do charting quickly without forgetting what I have done. As matter of fact, today with this new method I applied, I felt that the time was running very fast. I am glad that I could make all the visit happened on due time.
A quarter after four in the evening, I drank hot chocolate and some food as my second lunch, to fulfill my $5 of my card. I sat down and talked to Brother Philip. He was very hospitable in talking to me. He asked me how my CPE program is going so far. I told him that what I have experienced here both doing the summer CPE unit and living with the Alexian Brothers are very wonderful experience and I offered him my weekly reflection that I will send it to him as well. He was happy to hear my good witness of this experience. At 5.30 p.m. I attended the Mass at the hospital chapel and joined the dinner with the brothers. Together with us my colleague, Annie, who is on-call duty this night.

I want to utter my heartfelt thanks to Atumisi Pascal, Father Victor, Ibu Imelda and Ibu Cynthia Manella who have replied and commented on my last week journal. I am glad that you have read it and encouraged me to do this ministry. Thank you to all of you.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005. In the morning prayer there were some Alexian Brothers who just came yesterday from Saint Louis. They are attending a workshop at this hospital. Today the CPE program is full day of clinical visit since the supervisors and other CPE residents have seminar. At 8 a.m. Eric led us the morning devotion then Annie reported her on-call service. This morning I visited my unit and this time I had 15 patients including 10 initial visits. Before noon I was almost done all visits. I’m impressed by one 87 year-old lady who is Polish descent and American born. She is a Catholic who likes to receive communion everyday. She likes to tell story to me. It’s the second visit to her. She told me that in her age she still drives a car and has a good habit to go to gym to exercise, even aerobic. She got problem of her leg/hip and breath so she has to be calm down. Her memory is still sharp but she recognizes that she can’t remember some simple things that she recently experienced but she remembers many things of her life even her young age. Since her husband died, she lives together with her younger brother, 11 year old different and her sister-in-law. They are very kind to her. She is a sociable person who claims herself never means to others. She’s a skinny fellow but has a strong spirit to live enthusiastically. She recalled her mother who came from Poland who had the same spirit to live out this life with full of enthusiasm. She convinced that if we want to live longer, we should keep moving and active to exercise and meet people. Even this morning as she told me, her gym friend who is blind visited her at this hospital. After I gave her communion, she still talked to me asking me, "Are you married?" No, I said. She forgot that I’m a seminarian. I think I visited her for thirty minutes but the time I felt was running pretty fast. I did some ten initial visits and some of them just stayed until today and soon will discharge. One Spanish-peaking patient I visited today and I did my best to greet them in Spanish and invited them to pray from a prayer card in Spanish language. They are from Mexico. His wife was with him and prayed with me as well as I read the Spanish prayer of Mary Guadalupe.

After having lunch, I did read a book about Hope in pastoral counseling written by Andrew Lester that brought me to reflect on myself in the future. I mapped out my agenda and planning for two years ahead on my scrap paper. Some important events that I reflected upon, I brought in my mind and prayer as I type this journal. I feel that my ‘kairos’ time to live in this formation toward final vows, deaconate ordination, and so on is getting closer and closer. In his book, he says that there is continuation between the past and the future. It is healthy if we have something to gain in the future and our life now is projected and strengthened by the hopes we have in the future. I try to live here and now but sometimes when I see my future agenda, it makes me pause a moment and feel grateful to what I have experienced and look forward with full of hope, full of enthusiasm toward wonderful events I could imagine now. Sometimes if I get bored to my routine life, it’s very good method to see my future that gives me new spirit to do my daily duty. I have a dream that I build upon my past and my here and now activities. I am jealous in a good and positive sense to see an 87 year-old patient lady, who still has a strong spirit to live out her live that I mentioned above. She gave me a new insight and real example to be grateful to my young age, health and dream.

After having supper together with the brothers, I entered my room and I got a letter dated on 27 June from my rector, Father Rocco at Hyde Park, Chicago. Thank you very much Father Rocco for this letter. I opened it and I got my new health insurance card plus one letter from Indonesia. It’s from my former professor of catechetic, Pak Sriyono. He replied my letter that I gave to Ignatius at the end of May before he left for Indonesia. I was glad to read his appreciative letter that he wrote. He felt mixed feelings such as happy, proud, strengthened and empowered when received and read my letter. He tried to remember me and other Xaverian students whom he taught when we were in the novitiate and in the philosophy studies and now have been in the USA. I sent him a photo of five of us. He envoys his prayer and greeting to all Xaverian students in the USA: Ignas, Petrus, Dharmawan and Harno.
In the evening after I got e-mail address of Brother Philip, I sent him my weekly journal via Internet. I got reply e-mail from a Mexican Xaverian priest, who works in Japan. I sent him e-mail last week to know more about mission in Japan. He’s Father Ernesto. In his short e-mail, he apologized me not to write his sharing in good English because he only spent 10 months studying English in London. He suggested to me to share his experience with Spanish and I replied directly to him to have his sharing of mission in Japan in Spanish. He’s very glad to know that I have dream to go there in Japan.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005. Today some Alexian Brothers who just had meeting in Elk Grove Village left for their own community in Signal Mountain, Milwaukee and Saint Louis. I started my CPE with morning devotion at 8 a.m. led by Father Stan and followed by morning report of Dirk who had on-call service last night. In the morning I did clinical visit to the patients at 6 West. This time I had about 12 visits. I confidently used my limited Spanish to visit two Mexican patients and invited them to pray in Spanish. I offered them ‘el cuerpo de Cristo’, the body of Christ or communion and they accepted. I had prepared Spanish prayers and I just used it in this visit. They were one old man who was accompanied by his wife and one young lady who discharged today. I plan to write down some simple words in Spanish in order to be able to communicate to Hispanic patients. I learned Spanish when I was in 20’s with a Mexican sister when I was working in Jakarta. She’s Sister Anna Maria from Congregation of Misionaris Claris from the Holy Sacrament. I memorize the Catholic prayers such as Dios te Salve Maria, Padre Nuestro, Gloria, and the sign of the cross. I am able to read quite fluently other prayers before giving communion to the patients. I remembered "Lord have mercy in Spanish" that is "Senor ten piedad…Cristo ten piedad" that I learned when I attended Spanish Mass at Seminary of Wacana Bhakti in 1993 when I was working at Adorama Photo and it is near to the seminary. I was proud of myself to use my limited Spanish that I have to improve with some words for this CPE ministry. I visited a patient who would have surgery of his belly for 5 to 6 hours before noon today. He is the one whom I have visited with Deacon Dave last week. He talked a lot of things and finally I offered him spiritual needs but he answered, NO…then I pursued with offering a prayer card and he asked me two cards. I offered him this prayer together with him before he had surgery and he agreed. Even after finishing the prayer, he still talked and talked again. I tried to be patient and understand the dynamic and condition of the patient. Every patient has different and unique behavior. One old lady whom I visited for the second time today, denied me quickly. As I saw her and greeted her, she answered, "I’m O.K. Good bye." It didn’t hurt my feeling but I have a custom to be denied before, so it’s just a variation thing I have in my clinical experience. With her sickness and her old age, she can be having problem with many things. So, once again I appreciate her decision and keep her in my prayer. I am impressed by one 76 year-old patient whom I visited for the second time. He looked fresh and it was I mentioned to him and that’s true that he just took shower. It continued with long conversation, about 30 minutes. He told me many stories about his family, his service in military to land by parachute in Hokkaido Island in Northern Japan, his family reunion that is held in July 9th and it has been held annually. He’s an architect as well. He lives with his daughter around here. He has mounted belly because of urine problem and perhaps he will have surgery next time. It’s very good conversation that I think it would be one of my five verbatim. Nearly to the end of my visit today, my colleague, Eric asked me to give communion to a Mexican lady at the 5th floor. I used Spanish prayer and gave her communion. She was very grateful to accept the communion that she has missed some days at this hospital. After having lunch, we had debriefing at the class and book discussion of "Living Reminder" by Henry Nouwen. This time Eric continued his facilitation of first chapter of this book. It’s all about ministry and spirituality. At 4.30 p.m. I went to the cafeteria to have two bottles of ice tea since I have ulcers in my mouth and I feel my mouth is drying. I sit down and talked to Brother Philip at this cafeteria. We had nice chatting and I know more about the history of Alexian Brothers. At 5.30 I attended Mass led by Father Andrew at the hospital chapel and had dinner with the brothers. This time there were few brothers coming because some of them went to some events.

Thursday, June 30, 2005. Brother Valentino still led the morning prayer at 6.15 and in the morning devotion of CPE, Dirk took turn. Starting at 9 a.m. I did clinical visit at my primary unit, 6 West. There were almost 20 patients on my list that I had to visit. Since there was a volunteer lady who gave communion to Catholic patients at this floor, so it reduced my visit little bit. There were about 7 initial visits and some of them will discharge today after having surgery. I had one Muslim lady but she was sleeping when I visited her. One 87 year-old lady received my last communion today because she told me that she discharges today. I have a good time with her in my clinical visit in which she told me many things about her belief and her activities when she was young and her stay with her younger brother. She is a Polish descent. I still visited a 76 year-old man who is proud of his big family whose annual reunion. He’s a Germany descent who has experience of the World War II. Once in a while in my visit he asked, "What’s new?" and at the end of my visit he asked prayer and as usual I used the Alexian Brother’s prayer card with mentioning his name at the end for his healing in mind, body and spirit. Digna gave me one initial visit at the 4th floor but unfortunately the patient was not at the room. I had lunch at the cafeteria with Brother Victor. At 1 p.m. we had debriefing and story theology of Annie together with both of our supervisors, Digna and Jim. At the end of the class, Eric presented his first verbatim. I am grateful to him who has initiated this verbatim, so that I have an idea what I have to write and reflect upon my clinical visits. At 4 p.m. I went to the cafeteria to have two bottles of ice tea since my mouth is still dry and my ulcers in the mouth are more severe. I enjoyed my drink together with Brothers Dan and Felix who were already sitting at the cafeteria. I attended the Mass at 5.30 and dinner with the brothers and this time Eric joined us since he was on-call for tonight. On the way walking to home, I was talking to Brother Philip Kennedy who likes to tease others including me. Since he doesn’t know how to open e-mail and I have sent my weekly journal yesterday, so I showed him my blog at the Internet that consists of my weekly journal. He was glad to know my story and appreciated my plain, honest and detail story that normally common people do not do because of confidentiality issue.

Friday, July 01, 2005. Today Brother Zeke is already at the community after having vacation visit his family in New Jersey. As usual morning prayer at 6.15 then breakfast in which now I like to have yogurt and water. Since my stay at the Alexian Brotehrs I get more weight, about 5 pounds becoming 195 pounds most likely because of the food I consume. I feel that my belly is little bit mounting. I did laundry and ironing my clothes this morning because today is my day off. On Saturday morning, tomorrow till Sunday at 8 a.m. I am on-call duty, so I have a break now, which I use to type this journal and start writing my verbatim. At 11 a.m. at the hospital chapel it was held a graduation of the four CPE resident students, namely, Linda, Ken, Marty and Sandra. They have been doing this CPE for 10 months. This service lasted for an hour and continued by luncheon at the conference room. As my supervisor said that it will be the similar event that I would have next 7 weeks, exactly on Friday, August 19. I returned to my own room and had ‘siesta’ then at 4.30 p.m. I attended Holy hour or adoration at the hospital chapel continued by rosary prayer and Mass. After supper together with the brothers, I walked with a 90 year-old Alexian brother named Ronald toward the Brothers house then Brothers Eugene and Victor invited me to go to Hoffman Festival at Hoffman village. This festival is held for a couple of days in order to celebrate the 4th July, the Independence Day of the USA. Brother Eugene visited a booth of Alexian Brothers at this festival. This festival reminds me to the Xaverian festival that was held last week in Franklin, Milwaukee. We passed by Saint Alexius Medical Center at Hoffman that belongs as well to Alexian Brothers. At 8.20 p.m. we returned home and I continued to write this journal.

Saturday, June 02, 2005. This morning I woke up at 6.30, took shower than went to the trailer 2 at 7 a.m. to do my on-call duty starting at 8 a.m. today till tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. When I entered the trailer, there was Theresia, the secretary, who made photocopy of some data/census of patients. Father Bill came afterward and he gave me some sheets of paper, the list of patients whom I visit today as well as list of patients who request communion. At 8 a.m. the on-call chaplain for last night, Path, gave me three things for the 24-hour on-call service, namely, key of the chaplain’s room at the 5th floor, badge for meal and pager. As soon as I got those things, I came aboard to visit patients starting at the 6th floor and going down to the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th then 6th floors again. I counted there were about 30 patients on my list but not of them available of my visit. At the 6th floor West Unit, before I entered a room with a patient whose contagious disease that I didn’t pay attention to, a nurse directly talked to me that I should be careful to enter to this room. After I finished giving communion to other patients, I came back to this room and gave communion as well to the patient, an old man whose skin full of scars and bit bloody. I wore a yellow gown to cover my body, masker and wrap my hand with elastic-gloves. The nurse told me that I should not touch anything at the room and keep distant to the patient. I visited him shortly and strangely he told me, "Please, don’t smoke…"
I visited a young lady with her husband and as I asked her about her religion, he told me that she is a Jewish but not often to do religious things. I asked her about what religious characteristic of the Jewish people and she kindly explained me little bit. I offer some spiritual need but she said that she’s fine and I promised her a prayer. Another old man, who was saying that he’s from Florida and came here to visit his daughter, did not mention specific church or denomination but he told me that his daughter is a minister in a church in Massachusetts. He told me honestly that when he sees nature, flower and all things are beautiful. There must be the One who made them. I replied to him that his spirituality and sense of religiosity are similar with a theologian from Italy, Romano Guardini. I gave him a prayer card that he prefers I didn’t pray it for him, instead enough I gave him this prayer card. I visited one old lady who only speaks Italian. I offered her communion but she didn’t say any word and was confused. Then I let her alone. Afterward, I returned again to her room and there’s her daughter who speaks English and again I offered communion since on the list she requires communion. Then I tried to say prayer in Italian at least in the cross sign and Hail Mary prayer. Seeing me speaking prayer in Italian, she was smile at me. Her daughter was grateful for my presence and wished me good one in my vocation journey. At eleven to fifteen I concluded all of my visits today then I went to the chapel to return the host in the tabernacle. I had lunch at the cafeteria and I joined two Alexian Brothers, Valentino (80) and Eugene (74). Both of them are Italian descents who were born in the USA. I had nice chatting with them especially with Val. Brother Val works at this hospital in artistic thing and he has a studio beside the chapel.

The rest of the day I spent at the trailer alone. I read some books and wrote some reflection. With the kindness of Edy and Lisa in Chinatown Chicago, I got new phone card numbers so that I can contact my family and confreres in Indonesia. Thank you Edi and Lisa, hope next week on Sunday we meet at Saint Therese Church in Indonesian Mass. I told one of the Alexian Brothers who is originally from China to go to Indonesia Mass next Sunday and he seems agree to know more about Catholic Chinese in Chicago. He’s Brother Victor, about 58 year-old. He used to live in San Francisco and entered the Alexian Brothers in 2000. Hopefully, with him I can stop by at my house in Hyde Park, Chicago. At 4 p.m. I got a page from Emergency room then I got there directly. There was a man who died recently. I saw two polices, a woman and a man were there. The nurse told me that they were trying to find out the family of the dead man. I told the nurse, "Call me back if the family come." Then, I returned again to the trailer. I moved my stuffs at the 5th floor, a room special for on-call chaplain. I did this on-call by myself for the second time. At ten to six evening I ate hamburger and French-fries at the cafeteria together with Brothers Ronald, John Kim and Victor, who just finished their meal. After finishing my supper, I went up at the chapel to reflect my day then at 7 p.m. I entered my room at the 5th floor to type this journal. At 9.15 p.m. I got a page from Emergency Room and I came there to meet the family of the dead man. As I entered the room, one of the family members said, "Right now, No, we don’t need a chaplain." Having heard that, I said to hem if they need me just let me know then I left directly. I returned to the chaplain’s room and slept whole night without any page.

Sunday, June 03, 2005. At five a.m. I woke up and wrote morning report of my on-call service. It’s only one about one man died yesterday, which I documented on the green book. At 6 a.m. I attended Sunday Mass led by Father Bill and one Indian Salesian priest from India at the hospital chapel then I had breakfast (scramble egg, bacon, sausage, donut and hot chocolate) at the cafeteria together with Brothers Ronald, Jim Darby and Victor. I returned to the trailer 2 and waited for Ken who will take turn on-call service from me. At 8 a.m. he arrived and I gave him keys, pager and badge for meal. I returned to my own room at the Brother’s house and had rest for a while. I called up to Jakarta: Father Vitus Ruby, sx, Mas Untung then Mbak Wati, and my oldest sister in Ponorogo-Indonesia who told me that my youngest brother, Jimmy (23) in Ponorogo will engage to her girlfriend (19) from Kediri, next month, on August 6. Hopefully, if they plan to have wedding, it will be next year when I am on the vacation, June to July 2006. At 1 p.m. I took shower and wrote this journal, while I got e-mail from Dharmawan in Wayne, New Jersey then I called him up as well as my friend in New York City, Frans. I got e-mail from a newly elected Indonesian provincial of MC sister, Missionaries of Claris. She is Sister Veronika Wulandari, whom I know very well. I congratulated her via e-mail and she replied. She had been in Italy and Mexico in the past and a former of novice ‘magistra.’ I still remember in my mind when the last time I left my hometown in Madiun, she and her novices sang songs for me as their wish and prayer so that I can be faithful to my vocation. I have those pictures in which Sister Veronika plays guitar. Congratulation Sister, may God always gives you the best in your leadership accompanying your ‘hermanas.’ I got e-mail from my friend who is a young pastor of Christian Church in Jakarta. She is Vita who sent me her pictures when she had training in South Korea. I never met her but I know her through other Xaverian students in Jakarta who were doing Interreligious Dialogue ministry. From her I get to know more about ministry in the Christian Church in Indonesia. I know from her as well that a famous pastor of Christian Church in Indonesia, named Eka Dharmaputera, Phd, passed away last week. She works as a pastor in Muara Karang, North Jakarta. Thank you Vita, for your friendship and I hope we meet next year in Jakarta.

While I’m writing my journal, the brother who stays beside my room knocks my door and told makes sure that I know the time schedule today. He’s Brother Jim Darby, 84 year-old. At 3.45 p.m. together with the brothers I had evening prayer at the chapel led by Brother Zeke, followed by celebration of Independence Day of the USA, 4th July tomorrow. There were about 40 guests coming to the open house of the Alexian Brothers community. Some of them brought dessert and every brother has role to prepare this annual celebration. They invite three times people to have dinner together, namely, at labor’s day, memorial’s day and independence’s day. This time more people were coming than usual. Brother Dan cooked out BBQ. I enjoyed this celebration, meeting friends and had nice conversation. Once in a while the brothers introduced me to the guests. One guest who is former nurse in the 1950’s witnessed tremendous example of the Alexian Brothers he has gotten along with since he studied the nursing school belonged to the Alexian Brothers in Chicago. He is inspired by the spirituality of the Alexian Brothers and still volunteers himself in the department of spiritual care, visiting patients at hospice and distributing communion. He said that the Alexian Brothers have superb hospitality than other order or congregation as far as he experiences. I affirmed his statement with my own experience being part of this community for almost one month. It seems to me that I have been the special guest who can stay for enough long time, 11 weeks during my summer CPE. I don’t know with what word or thing I explore my gratitude. The rector, Brother Dan, asked me to take pictures of this event with his camera and took pictures as well with my own digital camera. After the celebration finished, all brothers worked hand in hand taking care of everything until done in which I tried to help little things. At 8.15 p.m. Brother Jim Darby invited me to see fireworks from the 4th floor of parking lot of the hospital. We went up there by ‘Lumina’ car. We saw the airplanes were coming and going to O’Hare airport while the fireworks were not that many as we expected. Probably, tomorrow night, the due day of the 4th July, the Independence Day of the USA, 1776-2005, 229 years old, the fireworks will be more. It was showering at 9.10 p.m. then we returned home and I finished this journal. Tomorrow is national day off, the Independence Day, so I don’t have CPE class but I have to finish my verbatim tomorrow.

Denny Wahyudi (05 July 2005)
Weekly Reflection (WEEK IV, from 27 June to 01 July 2005)

In the beginning of my clinical visit, I was sometimes little bit confused how to manage my time between visiting patients, charting and putting the data on the computer system. What I did at the first time is after doing visit to a patient then directly I finding the chart folder and putting the data on the computer. If I couldn’t find the chart, I got bit nervous and didn’t continue to visit other patients. I tried as much as possible to finish one patient at once with completing all responsibility. I was afraid of forgetting what I have done. I think it is part of my identifying to one’s chaplain I had been shadowing. I always remembered on one principle thing in my training: to write down and put on the computer directly after visiting a patient. Honestly, when I was doing this duty, I felt dizzy and sweat nervously.

In my earliest reflection I was pondering this: how I can relate effectively to a patient while my focus on the administration (looking for the chart, writing the data on the chart and computer) takes my anxiety and a lot of time. My impression at that time is that this method is too much formality and not paying attention on the very need of patients. I was aware of this earliest judgement since I had similar experience when I served elderly people in Jakarta as my 3-week probation days at a nursing home. I did this in my pre-novitiate year in January 1997 at "Panti Usada Mulia", Cengkareng. What I did was simply helping little things to patients’ needs such as distributing water, food and visiting them regularly without doing charting and other administrative business. To see these two different and contrast examples, I come to understand each uniqueness and situation and put them in contextual settings. I have tried my best to adjust on this formal situation at the Alexian Brothers Medical Center with doing disciplines I must have and cooperating to others such as nurses and doctors.

A couple of days I did initial method as it is recommended in the beginning by other chaplains until I get another method that makes me more relax and focus on one thing, namely visiting patients and not to spend much anxiety to do charting and entering data to computer. This method is just simply completing visits I have planned on my sheet of paper and put little note what I have done to each patient. For instance, I do all visit to patients who need communion then I continue to do initial visits and the rest of my time I visit other patients as follow up visit and eventually I do charting and computer data entry. I feel much better in doing this method and not too much anxious unsuccessfully find out charting folder. Firstly, I focus on the patients whom I visit and to be aware of my amount of time I have on that day and secondly I focus on administrative stuffs. I do not need to be anxious if at the end I couldn’t find the chart folder because I still have time to do it next day with my own notes. It has been a good learning for me how I apply my daily clinical visit to my primary area at 6 West Unit. I am still convinced on this method I have found and looking forward other insight that could be more helpful to this clinical thing.