2nd letter of July 2005

2) 15th Sunday in Ordinary Time, July 10, 2005

Monday, July 04, 2005.
Today is the Independence Day of the USA, 1776 – 2005, so it has been 229 years. I woke up at in the morning at 7.30 then attended morning prayer at the hospital chapel and followed by the Mass presided by Father Stan. It’s a special celebration of the Independence Day with American flags around the altar. With the brothers I had breakfast at the cafeteria. For one and half hour I was at my room typing my Verbatim. At noon, I was invited by Brothers Victor, Ronald and John to have lunch at a Chinese restaurant at Yu Ton Dumpling House in Wesmont, about 40 minutes away from the Alexian Brothers’ house. We ate noodle and dumpling. Returning home at 2 p.m. I took a nap for one hour then I was typing my Verbatim to the end, about 7 pages. At 5 p.m. we had the evening prayer and community dinner. This time all brothers, about 13, without Brother Tom, were present. We had KFC. Sharply at 6 p.m. Ibu Imelda Palmas picked me up and we went to her house, not far from here, about 15 minutes. She lives at Des Plaines. Since a couple of weeks ago Ibu Imelda offered me this opportunity, to break for a while from my CPE program and have Indonesian taste. I’m grateful for her generosity and motherness. There were Ibu Andrea, Nita, Natasya and her parents who just came two days ago from Indonesia also joined us in the supper with Indonesian meal: "sayur asem." I got along as well with Ibu Imelda’s husband, Paulo Palmas who is from Sardegna Island in Italy. Even, he offered me special liquor, lemon cello and another one, which I don’t remember. He said that his lemon cello is much better than Father Michael Davitti made. I enjoyed this hospitality, which is once again a grace of some good friends. At 10.15 p.m. Nita and Ibu Andrea took me back at the Alexian Brotehrs’ house. Thank you Nita and Ibu Andrea for your kindness to give me a ride. As soon as arriving home, I did print out my paper both weekly reflection and Verbatim 1 for tomorrow then at 11.30 p.m. I went to bed calmly.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005.
I continue my routine schedule with woke up at 5.20 a.m. and joined the morning prayer with the brothers at 6.15 a.m. After having breakfast with them and opened my e-mail, I went to the trailer 2 for my CPE. Morning devotion was given by Sandy and morning report by Path. A quarter to nine, we started our class with debriefing then my presentation of Verbatim 1. There were two supervisors attending this session. I share my Verbatim one at the end of this journal. For one hour till noon, we watched video of Walter Brueggemann about Narrative imagination and discussed it in our class. At noon I had lunch together with Eric and Brothers Philip and Ronald. At 1.15 p.m. I entered the chapel and took communion then did visit some 17 patients at 6 West including two initial visits. It was great experience once again to meet some new patients. One that most impressed me is one 91 year-old lady who was sharing her own deep feeling to me. I would record it in my second Verbatim for next week. One 79 year-old lady who is Catholic was receiving communion from me gratefully and she asked me to look for her rosary but I couldn’t find it at her room then I gave her one white simple rosary I took from the department of spiritual care of ABMC. One 25 year-old mother who is pregnant with her third child for 6 months also received communion from me and I prayed for her beloved one as well. Beside her, there is one other young lady who is 33 year-old who just got surgery yesterday. She’s crying asking nurse’ attention. When I visited her, she accepted me kindly and I asked her why she’s crying. She replied that she was sad because of nobody takes care of her and her neighbor beside her was taken care by other nurses. So, I comforted her with my visit and gave her communion. She came to the USA with her mom and her brother when she is one-month-old. She is from Ecuador. She replied my question that she lives by herself with sort of cancer. One Mexican descendent man who was born in Chicago preferred to be silent and alone in his prayer but I visited him for the second time and I offered him communion and prayer. He received willingly and prayed for me so that I will be a good pastor and he supported me nicely. One teenager whom I visited did not know about religion or denomination that she belongs and her uncle said to me that he would ask her mother. I gave her the prayer card without praying it but I told them that please let me know if they want spiritual need well-being. One 66 Mexican man who only speaks Spanish, I gave him communion together with his wife who is faithfully taking care of him every day. He looked much better than before. One old lady that is very similar with Indonesian, Javanese perhaps, but she is from the Philippines. I prayed with her other relatives who take care of her. One lady who only speaks Spanish, I offered her communion and I have to wear gown and glove to enter to her room while there were some of her daughters visiting her. There is one lady who didn’t want my visit, saying, "I don’t want to see anyone." There is an Italian man who was with his wife. Her wife speaks English more than the husband. I gave them communion and once in a while I talked in Italian but I prayed in English. Probably, next time I have to prepare Italian prayer, at least the communion rite. After I did all visit, I was charting accordingly and put the data of the two initial visits to the computer system. I felt that today the time was very short and running pretty fast. After returning the host at the chapel, I relaxed at the cafeteria with drinking a bottle of ice tea. At 5.30 I attended the Mass led by Father Andrew, a young Polish chaplain priest then had supper with the brothers. At 7 p.m. the brothers held their community meeting at the house while I was typing my journal and my second Verbatim.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005.
As usual I woke up at 5.20 a.m. then took shower and prayed with the brothers at the chapel at 6.15 a.m. Soon after having breakfast, I went to trailer 2 to meet last night on-call chaplain, Sandy at 7 a.m. and received her pager, keys and badge for meal. At 8 a.m. Jim led us in morning devotion and there’s only one page/message on the green book that Sandy wrote. At 8.45 a.m. we had debriefing, then story theology by Dirk followed by Verbatim by Dirk as well. At noon I had lunch together with Jim, Dave and Rosemary. At 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. I had personal conference with my supervisor, Digna then she was shadowing me at my 6 West Unit to see my clinical visit and she gave me input to be a better chaplain. At 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. I had meeting with both of my supervisor, namely Digna and Jim, then Dave and Rosemary plus my classmate named Dirk. We talked about our secondary unit that I have at the 2 West, Neurology unit. Starting tomorrow, Dave is going to give me some patients to visit. After I did some visits at my unit, then I got a page for visiting a patient at ICU room 9 who need sacrament of anointing, then I paged Father Andrew and he came soon. Together with the family, I was present at this last rite given by Father Andrew. I did charting afterward at this unit for the patient who is in comma. At 5.30 p.m. I attended the evening Mass then had supper with the brothers. After the supper, I visited some patients at 6 West and East. I visited one young lady who asked me Bible and other prayers. I had nice conversation with her whom I see as a hospitable girl. I gave her communion and she has endured cancer for three years. I could see her faith and her inner spirituality as she spoke many things about her faith and encouraged me in my journey toward my ministry as a priest. She’s about 33 years old.
At 7.31 p.m. I got a page from Hospice Unit at the 5th floor then I came to visit the patient who just passed away. I prayed with the family who was mourning. I did charting for the dead patient. I took a walk and passed by ICU, CCU, Emergency Room and the chapel to return the host at the tabernacle. I met a family who were at a family room at CCU and talked to them exploring my sympathy to their anxiety because of one of their family members at the CCU. I returned to my room at the 5th floor while I heard a noise sound outside of my window that seemed a helicopter in front of the Emergency Room that I guess is carrying a patient.
I am little bit tired now after having long meeting with my class and my supervisor.

Thursday, July 07, 2005.
Last night I was doing on-call service and could sleep for five hours then afterward at 4.04 in the morning I got a page CODE BLUE that means I have to go directly to the patient’s room. This time the patient is at 404-1 then they moved him to ICU-9. He was helped to be alive by breathing machine. I was waiting for the family coming. They arrived at the hospital about 5 a.m. and I accompanied them at the waiting room. I offered spiritual need to the family but they said, "NO, thanks." I did charting and left them at 5.30 a.m. I took shower at the chaplain’s room at the hospital then did charting to Green Book for morning report. I got two voice messages that required chaplain’s visit, namely at the second and fourth floor. I did these visits directly in this morning at 6.40 a.m. One of them is a Hispanic patient who speaks Spanish and little English. I prayed in Spanish with my little prayer book and gave him communion. At 7.10 a.m. I had breakfast at the cafeteria then led morning devotion and morning report at the group. We waited for our supervisor, Digna for the class but she just fell down at the cafeteria and she has to go to the emergency room. Thanks God that it’s not so serious. At 9.30 a.m. I did clinical visit to some ten patients then at 10.30 a.m. we had class in which Annie shared her first Verbatim. After this verbatim, I uttered my own feeling and attention toward the group that has been going through these five weeks. I shared my evaluation to the group that there’s something needs to be clarified regards our relationship that seems little bit different than the first time we met. Some of us discussed accompanied by the supervisors, Digna and Jim. Even though there is no resolved problem yet, but at least there is a mutual understanding and awareness of this distracted thing. I was admired by my colleagues who spoke up regards to this issue. It’s normal for me to say something that makes me feel bad especially if there is negative feeling toward each other. I guess it’s a result of being a community man that I have been living out both in my family origin and my order, Xaverian Missionaries. Where there is enmity between my own colleagues, normally, I get easy to feel it painfully and try my best to discuss it. Thanks God that it’s happened in my own group and I have boldness to name and say it in the group. Hopefully, my initiative will not make others down instead become aware of it and do better ways.
After having lunch with Eric and Annie, I did my clinical visits at 3rd floor (two patients). Starting today I have some visits to Neurology science unit at 3 West Unit in which Deacon Dave, the chaplain of the unit shares his visits to me. Then, I did finishing my visits at my primary unit at 6 West. There were about 19 visits at my own unit including 10 initial visits. One thing that struck me today is: after I did visits to two old women at the same room then I left them, I was standing in front of the door and heard their conversation that mentioning about me. The good thing is that they talked about good things of me and they thought that I’m a Korean. This little unexpected hearing invites me not to be proud of but to continue what I have done in good ways. Probably, I have done good things to them such as nicely and gently visiting and talking to them. I was impressed by one of these old women who is Methodist denomination who asked me to hold her hand while she’s laying on her bed and asked me forgiveness and I prayed spontaneously whatever came up in my heart and mind. I just believed in the Spirit who guided me through this precious moment. She was so grateful to my presence there and she always welcomes me to my daily visit. She’s about 91 years old. The other woman at this room whom I gave communion asked me again the rosary because the one that I gave her yesterday was lost. In the afternoon, I gave her and she’s delighted. Some patients did not want my visit, so respectfully I left them alone. One of the patient together with his wife asked many questions about my identity that they admired of because I am doing my studies becoming priest at the Catholic Church. It’s also one of empowerment I have received today.
Being tired of these two days, I came back home and rested at my room and I wondered that at 5.30 p.m. I woke up as if somebody reminded me or made me awake up because at 5.30 p.m. we have Mass at the hospital chapel. Thanks God for this experience that I believe there’s a unseen spirit that makes me aware of time and what I supposed to do properly especially daily schedule. After having dinner with the brothers, we had nice conversation with my colleague who is on-call this night together with Brother Zeke. With Brothers Ronald and Jim Darby, I watched TV about news in London which endured bomb attack at the subway station and double-decker buses, exactly at 7-7-05 (7 July 2005) in the morning 8 something at the rush hour. They considered it as terrorist attack while there is G-8 meeting in Scotland.

Friday, July 08, 2005.
Woke up in the morning, I felt very sleepy and it continued until morning prayer and morning devotion. After having breakfast, the rector here, Brother Danny, offered me going to a concert of Bob Dylan at Alexian field on Sunday evening and I was saying OK, yes, I would like to join the brothers. The whole day I did clinical visits at 3 West (two patients) and 6 West (6 initial visits and 6 follow up visits or communion). There was one young Japanese man whom I visited today. He’s been living in the USA for 15 years and has four children. He said that his children speak bilingual both English and Japanese. They live in Buffalo Grove. He said that he speaks Jap-nglish, that means Japanese mixed with English, so do I speak Indo-nglish, English with Indonesian perspective or way of thinking. He never went back to his origin country in 10 years. He’s from North Japan. There were two elderly patients who shared to me that they are ready if they are called by God to eternal life as they believe. They are in 90’s year-old. One old lady, 91 year-old holding my hand asking me prayed for her so that when she knocks the door, the Lord Jesus will open for her. One 79 year-old lady who has exercised to walk when I visited her and gave her communion, she showed me a picture of her only 5 year-old grandson, who was adopted by her daughter since he’s 2 week-old from Korea. She was very happy to tell about this cute boy who wears a custom of SOX, football club in Chicago. She told me that she lives by herself in her condo and she still drives a car. She missed a lot her car and condo. At 3 p.m. after finishing all of my clinical visits, I was at the cafeteria drinking apple juice ice and eating Krisp donut, while I saw Brother Val and sit together with him then Theresia, the secretary at the Spiritual Department Care joined us as well. This afternoon I was sleepy again then I took a rest at my own room about half hour. At 5.30 p.m. I was attending the Mass then having supper with the brothers at 6 p.m. On the way to the house, I was walking and chatting with Brother Philip then I did laundry my own clothes and watching TV, tbs channel with film entitled Legally Blonde together with Brothers Ronald and Philip. At 10 p.m. I did iron my clothes and wrote this journal.

Saturday, July 09, 2005.
This morning I woke up at 6.30 and attended Mass at the chapel of the brothers’ house at 8 a.m. led by Father Stan. Brother Philip invited me to go eating out for breakfast at Einstein Bros Restaurant at Schaumburg together with Brothers Victor and Philip. We ate Panini bread, a sort of sandwich with scramble egg, bacon and vegetable. It’s heavy brunch that was treated by Brother Philip. Coming back home, I checked my e-mail and took a rest for a while. At 2 p.m. Brothers Zeke and Dan invited me to go to CTU, then I invited them to go to my community house at Hyde Park. We met and talked to Father Victor Bongiovanni for a while. I got my letter of CTU, the grade report of last semester, my paper of spirituality of the new Millennium but I didn’t see misalete of August. The result relatively is fine. I took as well I Saveriani, June Edition, the Xaverian missionaries magazine for intern. I wondered don’t see letter of General Direction to the USA province at this edition, even though they have made one instead there’s a letter to the Philippines province.
On the way home, we ate dinner at Thai restaurant on 55th street then Brother Dan treated us to watch movie at AMC 30 at Schaumburg, entitled Fantastic whose duration of 2 hours. Coming back home, I was tired and rested for a while then typed this journal.

Sunday, July 10, 2005.
I woke up in the morning at 6.15, took shower and prayed personally at the chapel. I called up my second sister in Jakarta and said that she just gave birth on last Thursday, 7-7-2005 at 11 p.m. She now has three daughters. She named her Eunike Tri Sutanti. As of now I have four nieces and two nephews in Indonesia. At 9.30 p.m. Brother Victor Lee gave me a ride to Saint Therese Church in Chinatown. I introduced him to Chinese Catholic community here and we attended Indonesian Mass at 11 a.m. presided by one Indonesian OSC priest named Antonius who just came to Chicago to study English at DePaul University. He studies doctoral philosophy in Rome, Italy. I guess he’s a professor in Parahyangan University in Bandung, Indonesia. I met Father Edi, osc as well. There were about 40 people attending this Mass which was followed by lunch as usual prepared by Ibu Imelda with menu ‘Soto Ayam.’ At 2 p.m. I returned to Alexian Brothers, about 30 miles away from Chinatown and it took only 30 minutes with smooth traffic. I could get rest for an hour then at 4.30 p.m. together with Brothers Dan and Philip, I went to Alexian Field in Schaumburg to attend a concert of Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson. It’s a baseball stadium and we were at the suite room, third floor with AC and facilitated by Alexian Foundation we have privilege of food and drink abundantly. There were about five thousand people coming to this concert. The kind of music is country, Western Country. I saw the ticket costs $ 49.50 for each. There were other Alexian Brothers as well: Val, John Kiem and Victor Lee. At 9 p.m. we came back home and I typed this journal.
I am very grateful for this week and especially this weekend in which I could relax and enjoy the weekend with eating out, hanging out with the brothers and Indonesian community plus first time attending a concert in the USA. What a wonderful opportunity and chance I have during this summer and especially this weekend. Thanks be to God for all of these and thanks for all of those who have given these great grace.

Denny Wahyudi (11 July 2005)
Weekly Reflection (WEEK V, from 05 July to 08 July 2005)

Relationship to one another in a small group is always a life process that can be strengthened or weakened depending on all members of the group. To see the requirement that at least 3 persons in the CPE program, I come to realize that this program tries to measure our balance in dealing with others both in the peer group and others in our environment at the hospital (nurses, other chaplains, supervisors, and so on) plus our learning process in applying what we study in our theology, spirituality and pastoral studies in multicultural and multi religion-context. In my own experience having CPE program with my three other classmates, I notice there is process and dynamic of ups and downs in our relationship among each other. I have been living in a community, namely religious community since 1996 that gives me sensitivity in dealing to others. If there is misunderstanding, miscommunication and even enmity between my colleagues, I would know easily. I will easily know that there is something wrong has happened between some special individuals. I will easily feel painful in my heart if I have dissension to other. It would be no peace in my heart and it is terrible feeling that I have experienced. I guess I had the similar experience when I was working in Jakarta for three years. There are some people who just could not get along with and would not talk to each other. I know some of them. I guess they had unfinished problem and they remained silent without bothering each other. It’s precisely I have experienced at my own CPE group in almost in the middle of the whole program. I felt very sad and distracted if my own classmates change their treatment toward each other that is just the opposite of the beginning they used to be. I can easily smell a rat here. There are some discussions at this group that cost resentment and enmity without apologizing and trying to understand each other in uniqueness both positive and negative. I am feeling fed up if there is a ‘stupid’ debate that arguing one’s own opinion without listening wisely to our hearts. I feel that much time was spent only on these debate that I most of the time just kept silent. What is my contribution on the group, then? Even though it seems that I have a silent attitude, but my mind and ratio are working as well, and moreover my feeling and heart are pondering what should I speak up at this group. Apparently, with my above experience, I spoke up to my supervisor and she encouraged me to have boldness to do so in the debriefing group on last Thursday. I was appreciated by my colleague for my ‘prophetic’ voice to this issue. Even though it is not resolved yet, but the important thing is that we all realize that there is something wrong and we have good will to figure out and help each other. I wonder why there is nobody talks about this issue in my group though indeed, there is something to be fixed up. We all pray and try to make this dynamic group will be better in the future, in the 6 more weeks.

My experience living together with the Alexian Brothers at this weekend especially, I spent my time together with them in togetherness such as watching TV together with Brothers Ronald (91) and Philip (77), having breakfast, eating out at Einstein Bros Restaurant - Schaumburg last Saturday with Brothers Victor, Ronald, and Philip, then going out with Brothers Dan and Zeke to CTU, my Xaverian community at Hyde Park, having dinner at Thai Restaurant and watching movie theater. As a guess, I try my best to make balance between my own personal life dealing with CPE program and the life together with the brothers whom I owe so much and gratefully I accept this wonderful grace. I appreciate to all goodness of the brothers while I am doing my best in my CPE program. All in all living together in a small community is always a challenge and a wonderful experience that can enrich each other. Where there is peace in my heart, I will easily make peace toward others as well. No wonder I dreamed a couple of weeks ago in which I embraced both of my CPE colleagues together as a sign of making peace among ourselves in this small group. "How good it is, how pleasant, where the people dwell as one…there the Lord has lavished blessings, life for evermore!" (Psalm 133).

This is my first Verbatim that I have shared to my group of CPE. I want to share it as well here:

MINISTRY REFLECTION FORMAT (VERBATIM)

I. DATA

CHAPLAIN NAME: DENNY WAHYUDI
MINISTRY REFLECTION: #1
DATE OF VISIT: June 21, 2005 DATE OF REPORT: July 04, 2005
PATIENT’S NAME (fictitious name): NAN
AGE/RACE/GENDER: 79/INDIAN/FEMALE
FAITH AFFILIATION: CATHOLIC
MARITAL STATUS: WIDOW
NURSING UNIT: 6 WEST
TIME OF VISIT: 13.40 – 14.15
NUMBER OF TIMES VISITED THIS PERSON: 5 times
LENGTH OF VISIT: 35 minutes
INDICATE WHETHER VISIT IS WITH PATIENT/FAMILY MEMBER/STAFF: a nurse
STAFF CONSULTATIONS: none
DIAGNOSIS: SEPSIS, RENAL FAILURE

II. REASON FOR PRESENTING THIS VISIT:

I present this visit because I feel that the patient has special acceptance to myself as a chaplain and she’s the first one who likes to explore more conversation in familiar and informal way. It gives me insight and good experience how to follow up and continue my care to the patient who accepts me in the beginning. This patient reminds me my own grandmother and I told her about this. She considers myself as her ‘angel’ and her ‘neighbor’ because I come from Indonesia, which is close to India, her origin. At the end of my meeting with her, she said that she doesn’t know when we will meet again but I said to her that we would meet in the spirit, in our prayer, even though probably we’ll never meet again in physical way.

III. PREPARATION FOR VISIT/PREVIOUS VISITS:

I got to know this patient from Linda who visited her in the beginning. I continued to visit her. In the beginning, she mentioned about Father Andrew, Linda and other chaplain whom she was delightful to have them. She always asked me to give greeting to them, especially Linda. Afterward, I became her friend and close friend because I always gave her communion everyday. Every time I visit her, I felt like I visited my grandmother who accepted me with her own tenderness in spite of her weaknesses and sickness. What I prepared to visit her is my heart and my mind I focused on her and ready to listen and ask some informative and supportive questions.

IV. CLINICAL OBSERVATIONS:

- Focus on physical setting: The patient was alone in her room. She always used perspiration stuffs and other things. She always watched TV, EWTN, the Catholic channel, such as Mass and rosary prayer. While I was talking to her, the TV was still on but she reduced the volume of the TV.
- Focus on the person: Often times when I visited her, she was sitting and eating her lunch. She’s a thin and small old woman with wrinkles on her hands. She looked very weak in physical body but she has strong belief and faith. She was very seldom complaining what she had to endure. From her face I could saw that she tried to stay stronger in her weakness. Sometimes she felt better than usual sometimes she felt painful. I guess she had a good acceptance toward me, as her chaplain, who visited her in daily basis, giving her communion, that she longed for.

V. THE VISIT

C = Chaplain
P = Parishioner
N = Nurse
C1: Good afternoon, Nan, how are you doing today?
P1: Fine. How are you? (The patient was watching EWTN channel, the Mass. Knowing me coming, she put the volume of the TV lower).
C2: I am good. Thank you. May I sit at this chair?
P2: Sure, take the chair and sit here, close to me.
C3: (I take the chair and put it in front of her and sit on it).
C4: Do you like your lunch?
P3: So so, I have to eat, so I eat little by little.
C5: Did your daughter or your son visit you recently?
P4: Yes, they were coming here yesterday. (Pause a moment).
C6: Do you live with your daughter?
P5: Yes, I live with her.
C7: Do you have grandchildren?
P6: I hope I have. My daughter is not married. My son lives around here also. He’s married but doesn’t have children yet.
P7: How is your program of CPE?
C8: I think I am getting busy to know many things and write paper every week.
P8: That’s good for you. Do you have many patients to visit? (She saw my list of patients at my hand).
C9: Yes, about more than 10 initial visits today. I will visit them all today.
N1: Sorry, I interrupted you, chaplain. (One nurse came interrupted our conversation. In the silence she put another needle to the arm of the patient. I let the nurse take care of the patient and pause for a while. I still remained stay at the room, paying attention to them).
P9: Thank you. (She thanked to the nurse).
C10: Do you pray the rosary I have given you?
P10: I can’t read the prayers, the letters are too small.
C11: You can just follow the TV when they pray the rosary.
P11: Yes, I have tried.
C12: When did you come the USA?
P12: In 1950’s
C13: Did you ever come back to India?
P13: No, since then.
C14: What do you like to be here in the USA?
P14: I like to be here because there is freedom and people here appreciate our uniqueness. I don’t like people here if they just talk, talk and talk but no realization. I like the culture of silent but we do our responsibility accordingly. How do you like in the USA?
C15: Wow, it’s a wonderful and great experience I ever have in my life to be here in the USA. I never imagined when I was a kid. It’s because of my vocation as one of the Xaverian Missionary students. I have privilege to study in this country. Otherwise, most likely I would never come here. Did you come to the USA with your husband?
P15: Yes, at that time, we came here together. He’s a pastor of Christian church. We ever went to the Holy Land. It’s about in 1987. Over there I got a rosary and I still keep it in my house. You should go there someday.
C16: Yes, hopefully someday I go there.
P16: How is your family in Indonesia? How many brothers and sisters do you have?
C17: They are fine. I have two older sisters and two younger brothers. I always keep in touch with them through telephone and letter. It’s relatively cheap to call them by telephone from the USA. Normally, I buy a phone card, called, Las Vegas in Chinatown Chicago. It’s just $ 9 and I can call to Jakarta for almost 6 hours or 3 and half hours to other cities in Indonesia.
P17: Really? I know one telephone company that offer cheap price. Do you want me to introduce to you?
C18: No, thanks. It’s enough for me to buy the phone card. It’s easier and I can call anywhere either at the house or public phone. Now, are you ready to receive communion?
P18: Sure, it’s always important for me to receive communion for my healing.
C19: Now, let us prepare ourselves before we receive communion. Let’s pause a moment. (The patient again reduced the volume of the TV and changed the position of her sitting. In the silence, I shut my eyes, took a deep breath. Then, I read the prayer from the prayer card). In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. PRAYER TO CHRIST THE HEALER. In the comfort of your love, I pour out to you, my savior. The memories that haunt me, the anxieties that perplex me, the fears that stifle me, the sickness that prevails upon me, and the frustration of all the pain that weaves about within me. Lord, help me to see your peace in my turmoil, your compassion in my sorrow, your forgiveness in my weakness and your love in my need. Touch me, O Lord, with your strength, especially for Nan whom you love compassionately and especially at this moment. We ask you to continue bless her with your healing power so that she may have joy and peace in body, mind and spirit. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Now, let us pardon to God for our sins and weaknesses before we receive the Body of Christ. Lord, have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy. Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us, Lamb of God you take away the sins of the world have mercy on us, Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, grant us peace. (I took the host and showed to her). This is the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, happy are we who are called to this supper. Lord, I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall be healed. Nan, this is the Body of Christ who gives you healing. (She received the communion on her hand and ate it solemnly). Amen. (Pause a moment). Let us pray, Merciful God, thank you for your Body of Christ that Nan has received today. May you continue to nurture her with your love and compassion so that Nan would receive your healing power in mind-body-spirit. We ask this through Christ, our Lord and savior, forever and ever. Amen. In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Thank you, Nan. It’s always my privilege can meet you and serve you in giving communion. You remind me my own grandmother who was close to me.
P19: Thank you, Denny. You’re a special blessing to me. You’re my ‘angel.’ You’re my ‘neighbor.’
C20: (I puzzled, what she means with ‘angel’ and ‘neighbor.’) See you again tomorrow and have a good day. Bye bye. (With smile and polite way, I left her after I put the chair I sit on to the previous place).
P20: Bye.

VI. ANALYSIS OF YOUR MINISTRY

A. CHAPLAIN
Before the visit, I felt frustrated because some other patients whom I visited didn’t give good acceptance. During the visit this patient, I felt at home and welcomed as I experienced before. After this visit, I felt strengthened and empowered to continue my duty, visiting other patients. What I did well in my visit: my gesture to sit on a chair and to be close to the patient, offering communion after having some little conversation, pause some moment that gives us deep breath, the conversation is not only my initiative but also the patient has concern of me with asking some questions. In different ways, probably I would ask her religious experience, her understanding of God and being sick.

B. PATIENT
The patient felt happy of my visit and my concern to her especially in preparing prayer and communion in daily basis. She has special feeling to me because I come from Indonesia that is neighbor of India, her original country. Even though she felt sick and sometimes dizzy, but she always welcomed me and made our conversation flowing. The main concern of the patient is about her sickness that she didn’t want to be sick more days at the hospital. She always says that it’s good not to be sick. At the same she was very concern of her spirituality, the relation with God. She is always happy to receive the chaplain, prayer and communion. She likes to watch EWTN all the time.

C. CAREGIVER

D. FAMILY DYNAMICS/SYSTEMS

She is from India and her original culture is pretty strong in her. Her family, especially her daughter who takes care of her and lives with her is very concern of her. Her son who lives separately with his wife is also concern of her with his visit. The value of respect to the parents especially mother is very evident here. The daughter is not married but she works and takes care of her mother. It’s a common practice in Asian culture in which the parents are allowed to live together with their children at the same house. The communication we had was around family and cultural values. The concern of her children with their visits is very helpful to her healing process. In my own family system, which is Asian/ Chinese descents in Indonesia, is still pretty the same with the patient’s value. If the parent is sick, the family even extended family will gather to visit the parent. They would be responsible of the various things as much as they can give, such as economical things, visits and support. I refer it with my own experience when my grandmother was sick, stroke at a hospital. The cost of the hospital was paid by her son-in-law who could afford it. My family where she lived could not pay the bill of the medication but my sister was taking care of her. We’re responsible with our care and attention.

E. HUMAN THEMES

They are about culture, transition being in the USA, family relationship, prayer and relation with God. One primary theme is about how to be close to God in our sickness.

F. THEOLOGICAL THEMES

She has a very concern of communion and prayer. In her daily activity, she was watching EWTN that accommodate Catholic religious activity that nurtures her spiritual and religious feeling. Since her husband was a pastor in a Christian Church, so I guess her spirituality is shaped by the spirituality of her husband. She hoped to be healed as soon as possible. She missed me when she had to leave of the hospital. One primary theme is about her eagerness to receive communion and sees God in available tools such as my presence as a chaplain and EWTN.
I was amazed of her personality and her spirituality. With her kindness and availability to receive me at every visit, obviously gives me sign that she opens to otherness and in our little conversation, she was so concern of myself as a seminarian, who prepares myself to be a minister/pastor. She acted as if she was my own grandmother. In her sickness she experienced, she still had hope to a healing from her belief to Jesus Christ through prayer and communion. I believe that her well acceptance to others and to God help her to get healing in spite of her physical weakness. Her approach to me is a sort of motherness one since she was not acting as a foreigner but my own relative. Even she considered me as her ‘angel’ and her ‘neighbor.’ I try to understand these, as the theological and human theme. She felt that I have similar origin with her in culture and mentality, then I am a helper of her in her spiritual needs. So, basically, she had a strong hope of God and acceptance of others who are willing to give her sympathy. Here it’s obvious that her relationship both vertical with God and horizontal with others is made balance that helped her to gain healing process in body-mind-spirit.

G. KEY LEARNINGS

I learn of this visit: perseverance in visiting a patient in daily basis, to be patient with the patient who likes to talk, to be attentive to the patient who sometimes speaks softly and I have to try to understand in a good way, preparing my own feeling to be open whatever the patient needs me, to know what kind of themes I may have in conversation before I offer communion/spiritual need, identify my relationship to the patient with my own experience such as my own grandmother. These key learning’s connect to my own learning goals, namely, my spiritual goal is to be a good listener and involve to other’s conversation, my professional goal is to be able practicing new skills in visiting patients plus follow up visits, and my personal goal is to type my precious experience on daily journal and so far I have done faithfully in my daily activity especially writing all things I am impressed when I meet patients.

H. PASTORAL CARE

I learn and practice some basic and principal things in pastoral care such as being a good listener, try to be closer to the patient (I sit closer to the patient instead of just standing), to be attentive of the patient’s needs (to be sensitive when I can talk to her in longer time and when I have to talk shorter time), touching her hands when I said the prayer I believe as a proper way, keep some pause or silent moment in the conversation and some words such as ‘you’re like my grandmother’ I believe empowers her in my relationship and my behavior toward her, not only talking in formal things but also informal and relax or common things in order to know each other better.
I consider my role as minister is to be sacramental in the sense that I offer and give her communion and prayer, healing in the sense that I help her to get her spiritual needs to be closer to God through Jesus Christ in the Body of Christ, prophetic in the sense that she called me as ‘angel’….my angel that is always struck me and liturgical in the sense that I prepared her proper ways before receiving communion with special liturgical prayer, and shepherding in the sense that I tried my best to know her better in our conversation and familiar way as I did this in daily basis and I always remember her face in my memory.
Probably, in the future, I plan to connect her to Catholic community close to her home and also give her Catholic spirituality like prayer and other basic things because in fact she’s not really baptized Catholic but she believes in Catholic ways.

I. CHARTING

In charting I wrote: I visit the patient and had nice conversation and I offer and gave her communion. We did prayer and the patient received my visit very well. She’s very grateful to my presence.

VII. SHARING THE LOAD

O God, you know our hearts and our intentions. Please, make us understand what Nan needs this time especially in her healing process. We know that you are not separated us from our religious denomination but you always give us personal love. Bring us to closer relationship with you and your Church wherever we are. Your Son, Jesus Christ always accompanies Nan in this journey and we ask you to continue to bless her in her daily journey and nurture her in your special care. Bring us closer in the spirit, the spirit who prays for us in distant way without meeting each other again. We believe only in your spirit we meet each other. Thank you O God, we pray to you in Christ Jesus. Amen.

O God, I don’t know what I have to talk to the patient in her sickness, but you help me to speak proper word not only through my mouth but also through my deep heart, through my gesture, through my behavior. Help me to be your tool, not me O God, not me, but only you who are acting in my body. I am only your servant who does what I have to do with your wisdom and strength. We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.