5) 31st Sunday in Ordinary Time, October 30, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005.
After attending Amos class, I met the director of M.Div program, Barbara Bowe, rscj to submit my CPE evaluation. She liked to receive my complete evaluation of this summer CPE. In the Xaverian chapel, my group consists of Peter, svd, Joseph, CSSP and myself were doing presiding practicum with taping our daily Eucharist. I am going to meet the professor, Father Fragomeni on November 7 in order to evaluate my presiding videotape. In the afternoon I received a new Warta Xaverian magazine from Indonesia, made by Indonesian Xaverian philosophy students. I read it wholly at night in which I contributed one 4-page article on Reflection about the Eucharist.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005.
I transferred the Eucharistic presiding I did yesterday to videotape. I am satisfied with this result. In the afternoon I attended the class of EMP in which the first part Aileen Crowley presented a powerpoint about Liturgy and Social Justice.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005.
In the morning I attended Amos class. I am glad that my friend from my hometown, Madiun sent me e-mail that he now teaches at University of Bina Nusantara Jakarta. He is Marsudi, a Catholic fellow, my theater colleague in Senior High School 2 Madiun (1990-1993). Hopefully, I meet him next year when I come home.
Thursday, October 27, 2005.
In the morning I attended Chia’s class (Inculturation and Dialogue). On the way home, I was walking with a Maryknoll novice from Korea named Anastasia. She just has been living in the U.S.A. for two months. She knew about the Maryknoll Sisters from the Internet and has been a Catholic since five years ago. Interesting….
After supper, we had community meeting in which our rector, Father Rocco shared his meeting with other theology rectors of the Xaverians in Rome a couple of weeks ago.
Friday, October 28, 2005.
After the Mass in the morning and breakfast, at 8.30 a.m. Father Victor preached a retreat to us as preparation to renewal of our vows next November 5. We did reflection and sharing at the chapel that lasted at a quarter to one in the afternoon. Five members of our community headed to Milwaukee to attend the banquet. They are Father Rocco, Ignas, Pascal Atumisi, Harno and Valery. After taking a rest, I did warm up Lasagna for the supper. We’re only four who staying for the supper this evening.
Saturday, October 29, 2005.
As usual after the Mass and breakfast, I work at the kitchen till noon. Today is the birthday of Alejandro (29). I was feeling very lazy to do my homework but I did read first the reading of the EMP/Ethic class and didn’t write or type anything yet. The time is changed in the early Sunday; We’re lucky one hour; instead of one a.m. in the morning, I changed to be 12 midnight.
Sunday, October 30, 2005.
I woke up at 7 a.m., took shower then prayed breviary personally at my room. After having breakfast, I went to Saint Therese with Valery by CTA bus no.15 in front of the house and red line train. At 9.30 a.m. Mass once again I am in charge of the thurible/incense. Today there’s no CCD/Confirmation class but some little children at the church celebrated Halloween party. I had meeting with Cesare to plan our confirmation class this month. From 2 to 3 p.m. I was alone at the church practicing some songs to preside an Indonesian Mass as my presiding practicum for November 19. At least I have practiced the preface and some part of the presider in the Mass in Indonesian language. I guess nobody heard me. I am going to do it at this church inviting some Indonesian friends around here. At 3 to 4 p.m. I joined the meditation guided by Father Michael and was followed by 4 other fellows: Agnes, Sister Gertrude, John Lie and a lady. I went home by CTA. Before the Vesper, I did read a reading for Amos class tomorrow. At 7.30 p.m. we had supper cooked by Father Rocco.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Sunday, October 23, 2005
4th letter of October 2005
4) 30th Sunday in Ordinary Time, October 23, 2005
Monday, October 17, 2005.
In the morning I attended Amos class then in the afternoon at our chapel, my group practiced the Eucharistic presiding. My group consists of two SVD students, Peter (a Chinese) and Long Phi (a Vietnamese), Joseph (a Vietnamese Holy Spiritan student) and myself. At 5 p.m. we did lectio divina in our community. Actually, I have practiced the Eucharist almost everyday, so it is not a big deal any longer. But, I see my classmates still did little mistakes as they did this practice.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005.
In the morning I did reading on ethic or EMP class on the Internet/ CTU moodle. In the evening I attended this EMP class and I submitted the first paper. At 10.30 p.m. I saw Father Rocco was coming back from Rome, Italy, the theology rector’s meeting.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005.
I attended Amos class at CTU then I went by CTA bus to Saint Therese School but unfortunately the principal of the school was not coming. I went to the church to meet Father Michael talking about training altar servers at the school. He invited me to have lunch at the rectory. I enjoyed their hospitality together with Father Aniello. I went home and read new Xaverian SEMIX from Rome about the Cosuma documents. I read almost the whole two books, especially regards the theology formation.
Thursday, October 20, 2005.
I was attending Chia’s class about Inculturation and Dialogue in which Steve Bevans, svd gave his presentation about the contextual theology. I did cook for my community: rice, shrimp crackers and vegetable soup plus pork (sayur asin/baikut). After finishing the cooking, I had time to practice the Eucharist at the chapel. At 5 p.m. we had adoration/holy hour in which Father Willy, sx and his two IRF classmates shared their experience being missionaries. They are one nun from Nigeria whose mission in Italy for nine years and one SVD priest from Liberia whose mission in Colombia. At 7.30 p.m. to 9.15 p.m. we had community meeting with topic still the same like last week, discussing about mission. Soon after finish the meeting I asked help of Dharmawan, Harno and Ignas to give me correction and input in my Eucharistic presiding at the chapel. At night I called up my younger brother in Ponorogo and he said that I would have a new nephew or niece next year. The news is that my youngest brother, Jimmy who just married last month, his wife, 19 year-old has already got pregnant. It’s a good news and I am happy to hear this news because some weeks ago as I called him up, he asked me to pray so that he would have a baby. And it’s already happened. It’s great. I talked to for a while as well to my father as he visited my younger brother, Rony at his cell phone and money-changer store in Ponorogo, Indonesia.
Friday, October 21, 2005.
Early in the morning, I woke up and took a shower and at 6.15 a.m. I went to Saint Therese church to attend the morning Mass at 7.45. I saw two boys, the fifth graders of Saint Therese School were serving as altar servers at the Mass presided by Father Michael. He gave them short training how to do things as altar servers. I was reading the first reading at the Mass that was attended only by 10 people and all of them senior citizens. After the Mass ended, I followed the students, Kevin and Samuel to the school to meet the principal, Mrs. Cavallone. I saw many students line up to enter their classes. I saw at this crowded children at least one Afro-American girl who is also one of the kids at the school. I was welcomed at the fifth grade by the teacher, Mrs. Fischer. From 8.30 to 9.15 a.m. I was at this class whose 18 students and all of them Chinese descendants. I shared with them about how to be altar servers at the church because they have to serve at the daily Mass in pair for October till November 2nd. I practiced and showed them in the class what to do when they serve. I demonstrated this practice with Kevin and Samuel who served this morning. Seeing that there’s still time to be at the class then I gave them my robe game. Some of them already knew this game because they played at the summer class last year with Petrus. I had nice conversation and little story with them. At 9.15 I left the class and returned at Saint Therese rectory.
I continued to go to Saint Peter Church at Loop to have reconciliation/confession. I became aware of the procedure of this sacrament because I have practiced and learned it at my presiding class. I went home and prepared the chapel for my presiding practicum this afternoon. I could take a rest for a while and at 4 p.m. with the help and presence of Dharmawan, Harno, Atumisi and Valery, I did my first Eucharistic presiding, taped by Dharmawan. I appreciated their kindness to help and attend my presiding. It is a weekday Mass and it will be evaluated by my professor, Father Fragomeni next week. It’s about 35 minutes. I am satisfied by this practicum even though the quality of the video is not perfect but at least I have done what my professor has told me in this act of Eucharist. I am looking forward his correction. I have to make one more Eucharistic presiding for a Sunday Mass in November in my own language, Indonesia. I will do it in Saint Therese Church Chinatown. I have to practice it before because even though it is the same Mass but the language is different. Hopefully, there will be some Indonesian friends around Chinatown will come to my second practicum Mass.
After having supper cooked by Alejandro, I did type this journal at my room.
Saturday, October 22, 2005.
In the morning after the Mass and breakfast, I was working at the kitchen cleaning up the refrigerators, doing laundry of my clothes and kitchen stuffs. In the evening together with Father Victor, I went to Old Mary Church on Michigan Avenue by CTA bus and train while the weather was bit raining. We attended the Indonesian Catholic group in Chicago (PWKI) fundraising with entertainment called “Pasar Senggol” (Bumping Market). Over than 200 people were coming to this fun Saturday night event that took place at the auditorium of the parish. People who came are mostly Indonesians, Moslem, Catholic, Protestant and few white Americans. I was sitting with Indonesian SsPs Sister, Edel Deong whose ministry in Chicago and two of her sisters in her congregation, one Phillipina and one Vietnamese American. The entertainment was started with place dance (tari piring) by Brother Ignatius, sx, then Brother Suharno, sx playing guitar and singing songs he composed when he’s in minor seminary. Brother Dharmawan, sx was playing a drama, becoming a husband with his well done acting that made people happy and laughing and giggling repeatedly. There were a lot of Indonesian foods prepared by Indonesian groups. After the door prize of ruffle ticket, it ended with Indonesian dance called Poco-poco. Father Aniello, sx came as well to this event. Overall, this wonderful feast of Indonesian Catholic group in Chicago is successfully held by the coordinators who worked hard and enthusiastically. Congratulation to Yuni and Nita and all friends who have worked hard for this fun festivity. Father Jack, cm was coming and participating in this celebration. Father Sony, svd who will depart to Indonesia after living continuously in the U.S.A for six years on this coming Wednesday, gave me and Father Victor a ride coming back to Hyde Park. Have a safe trip, Father Sony and good luck with your mission in Angola, Africa.
Sunday, October 23, 2005.
In the morning I woke up at 6.50 a.m. and took shower and prayed the breviary personally at my room. With Valery, I went to Saint Therese Church in Chinatown by CTA bus no. 15 and red line train. We attended the Mass at 9.30 a.m. Today is the Sunday Mission. I was participating in the altar in charge of incense and it’s the first time using incense with thurible in the Mass. The deacon, Paul, svd was preaching in English and the Mass presided by Father Michael.
Since it’s the Mission Sunday, so I gave the confirmation children in the class the Blessed Guido Maria Conforti VCD made by Father Otello Pancani, sx. I brought it when I came to the U.S.A three years ago. The 5th graders (5 children) guided by Valery joined our class to watch this slide show. It’s a 30-minute story about the life of the Xaverian Society founder, Conforti, from Parma-Italy in Indonesian language so I translated into English along the show. After watching it, I asked the children some questions regard this story. I can see that the universal experience both the children in Indonesia and the U.S.A. They paid attention to this show that introduces the mission and the work of the Xaverian missionaries. At least when I asked why Conforti could not become a missionary and they have various answers they picked up from this story. I asked them what little Conforti said before the cross and one of them could answer, “I am looking at him (Jesus) and he is looking at me and he is telling me many things.” In Indonesia as well the children could answer this Conforti’s spiritual experience of cross because it’s repeated a couple of times in the VCD with the little Conforti picture with full of color kneeling before the Christ. Hopefully, it will give them some insight in their faith’s journey. They commented that this is cool; the common comment of youth in the U.S.A. Father Michael gave us pairs of suite, to me as well as Valery. It’s my first pair of suites I ever have in my life. Thank to Father Michael, sx as well as thank for the bag for my laptop in which Valery was the one who asking of it for me.
I am satisfied by the impression of the kids in the class of confirmation today. I saw their different behavior today. Alex, the only boy in this program was asking me as I operated my laptop for the VCD of Conforti, “How old is your computer?” I replied by asking, “What do you think, how old is it?” He answered, “I think it’s two years older than me?” I was laughing to know their reaction. I know that it’s old but at least I can use it to type and watch the DVD and VCD. I asked the children whether they have computer at their homes and it’s true that each one of them has their own personal computer. They laughed at me and my computer because it’s old style. I didn’t feel offended instead I was just smile and I am feeling being paid attention by them. It’s very different experience with them. Because I have been in their class in one month together with one Jesuit student, Cesare, but they always behave, never asking this ‘silly question.’ I feel good that eventually the children can speak spontaneously to me in friendly way. Hopefully, it will continue in next meetings.
A quarter to three in the afternoon, George gave us a ride to Hyde Park, our house, while the weather today is the coldest so far during this Fall season, about 36 Fahrenheit degrees. George was accompanied by his son, Matthew (first grader at Saint Therese School Chinatown) and Monica (2nd grader). After the evening prayer and supper, I did type this journal and post it to my blog websites, http://acdw74.blogspot.com and http://acdw74.multiply.com
Monday, October 17, 2005.
In the morning I attended Amos class then in the afternoon at our chapel, my group practiced the Eucharistic presiding. My group consists of two SVD students, Peter (a Chinese) and Long Phi (a Vietnamese), Joseph (a Vietnamese Holy Spiritan student) and myself. At 5 p.m. we did lectio divina in our community. Actually, I have practiced the Eucharist almost everyday, so it is not a big deal any longer. But, I see my classmates still did little mistakes as they did this practice.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005.
In the morning I did reading on ethic or EMP class on the Internet/ CTU moodle. In the evening I attended this EMP class and I submitted the first paper. At 10.30 p.m. I saw Father Rocco was coming back from Rome, Italy, the theology rector’s meeting.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005.
I attended Amos class at CTU then I went by CTA bus to Saint Therese School but unfortunately the principal of the school was not coming. I went to the church to meet Father Michael talking about training altar servers at the school. He invited me to have lunch at the rectory. I enjoyed their hospitality together with Father Aniello. I went home and read new Xaverian SEMIX from Rome about the Cosuma documents. I read almost the whole two books, especially regards the theology formation.
Thursday, October 20, 2005.
I was attending Chia’s class about Inculturation and Dialogue in which Steve Bevans, svd gave his presentation about the contextual theology. I did cook for my community: rice, shrimp crackers and vegetable soup plus pork (sayur asin/baikut). After finishing the cooking, I had time to practice the Eucharist at the chapel. At 5 p.m. we had adoration/holy hour in which Father Willy, sx and his two IRF classmates shared their experience being missionaries. They are one nun from Nigeria whose mission in Italy for nine years and one SVD priest from Liberia whose mission in Colombia. At 7.30 p.m. to 9.15 p.m. we had community meeting with topic still the same like last week, discussing about mission. Soon after finish the meeting I asked help of Dharmawan, Harno and Ignas to give me correction and input in my Eucharistic presiding at the chapel. At night I called up my younger brother in Ponorogo and he said that I would have a new nephew or niece next year. The news is that my youngest brother, Jimmy who just married last month, his wife, 19 year-old has already got pregnant. It’s a good news and I am happy to hear this news because some weeks ago as I called him up, he asked me to pray so that he would have a baby. And it’s already happened. It’s great. I talked to for a while as well to my father as he visited my younger brother, Rony at his cell phone and money-changer store in Ponorogo, Indonesia.
Friday, October 21, 2005.
Early in the morning, I woke up and took a shower and at 6.15 a.m. I went to Saint Therese church to attend the morning Mass at 7.45. I saw two boys, the fifth graders of Saint Therese School were serving as altar servers at the Mass presided by Father Michael. He gave them short training how to do things as altar servers. I was reading the first reading at the Mass that was attended only by 10 people and all of them senior citizens. After the Mass ended, I followed the students, Kevin and Samuel to the school to meet the principal, Mrs. Cavallone. I saw many students line up to enter their classes. I saw at this crowded children at least one Afro-American girl who is also one of the kids at the school. I was welcomed at the fifth grade by the teacher, Mrs. Fischer. From 8.30 to 9.15 a.m. I was at this class whose 18 students and all of them Chinese descendants. I shared with them about how to be altar servers at the church because they have to serve at the daily Mass in pair for October till November 2nd. I practiced and showed them in the class what to do when they serve. I demonstrated this practice with Kevin and Samuel who served this morning. Seeing that there’s still time to be at the class then I gave them my robe game. Some of them already knew this game because they played at the summer class last year with Petrus. I had nice conversation and little story with them. At 9.15 I left the class and returned at Saint Therese rectory.
I continued to go to Saint Peter Church at Loop to have reconciliation/confession. I became aware of the procedure of this sacrament because I have practiced and learned it at my presiding class. I went home and prepared the chapel for my presiding practicum this afternoon. I could take a rest for a while and at 4 p.m. with the help and presence of Dharmawan, Harno, Atumisi and Valery, I did my first Eucharistic presiding, taped by Dharmawan. I appreciated their kindness to help and attend my presiding. It is a weekday Mass and it will be evaluated by my professor, Father Fragomeni next week. It’s about 35 minutes. I am satisfied by this practicum even though the quality of the video is not perfect but at least I have done what my professor has told me in this act of Eucharist. I am looking forward his correction. I have to make one more Eucharistic presiding for a Sunday Mass in November in my own language, Indonesia. I will do it in Saint Therese Church Chinatown. I have to practice it before because even though it is the same Mass but the language is different. Hopefully, there will be some Indonesian friends around Chinatown will come to my second practicum Mass.
After having supper cooked by Alejandro, I did type this journal at my room.
Saturday, October 22, 2005.
In the morning after the Mass and breakfast, I was working at the kitchen cleaning up the refrigerators, doing laundry of my clothes and kitchen stuffs. In the evening together with Father Victor, I went to Old Mary Church on Michigan Avenue by CTA bus and train while the weather was bit raining. We attended the Indonesian Catholic group in Chicago (PWKI) fundraising with entertainment called “Pasar Senggol” (Bumping Market). Over than 200 people were coming to this fun Saturday night event that took place at the auditorium of the parish. People who came are mostly Indonesians, Moslem, Catholic, Protestant and few white Americans. I was sitting with Indonesian SsPs Sister, Edel Deong whose ministry in Chicago and two of her sisters in her congregation, one Phillipina and one Vietnamese American. The entertainment was started with place dance (tari piring) by Brother Ignatius, sx, then Brother Suharno, sx playing guitar and singing songs he composed when he’s in minor seminary. Brother Dharmawan, sx was playing a drama, becoming a husband with his well done acting that made people happy and laughing and giggling repeatedly. There were a lot of Indonesian foods prepared by Indonesian groups. After the door prize of ruffle ticket, it ended with Indonesian dance called Poco-poco. Father Aniello, sx came as well to this event. Overall, this wonderful feast of Indonesian Catholic group in Chicago is successfully held by the coordinators who worked hard and enthusiastically. Congratulation to Yuni and Nita and all friends who have worked hard for this fun festivity. Father Jack, cm was coming and participating in this celebration. Father Sony, svd who will depart to Indonesia after living continuously in the U.S.A for six years on this coming Wednesday, gave me and Father Victor a ride coming back to Hyde Park. Have a safe trip, Father Sony and good luck with your mission in Angola, Africa.
Sunday, October 23, 2005.
In the morning I woke up at 6.50 a.m. and took shower and prayed the breviary personally at my room. With Valery, I went to Saint Therese Church in Chinatown by CTA bus no. 15 and red line train. We attended the Mass at 9.30 a.m. Today is the Sunday Mission. I was participating in the altar in charge of incense and it’s the first time using incense with thurible in the Mass. The deacon, Paul, svd was preaching in English and the Mass presided by Father Michael.
Since it’s the Mission Sunday, so I gave the confirmation children in the class the Blessed Guido Maria Conforti VCD made by Father Otello Pancani, sx. I brought it when I came to the U.S.A three years ago. The 5th graders (5 children) guided by Valery joined our class to watch this slide show. It’s a 30-minute story about the life of the Xaverian Society founder, Conforti, from Parma-Italy in Indonesian language so I translated into English along the show. After watching it, I asked the children some questions regard this story. I can see that the universal experience both the children in Indonesia and the U.S.A. They paid attention to this show that introduces the mission and the work of the Xaverian missionaries. At least when I asked why Conforti could not become a missionary and they have various answers they picked up from this story. I asked them what little Conforti said before the cross and one of them could answer, “I am looking at him (Jesus) and he is looking at me and he is telling me many things.” In Indonesia as well the children could answer this Conforti’s spiritual experience of cross because it’s repeated a couple of times in the VCD with the little Conforti picture with full of color kneeling before the Christ. Hopefully, it will give them some insight in their faith’s journey. They commented that this is cool; the common comment of youth in the U.S.A. Father Michael gave us pairs of suite, to me as well as Valery. It’s my first pair of suites I ever have in my life. Thank to Father Michael, sx as well as thank for the bag for my laptop in which Valery was the one who asking of it for me.
I am satisfied by the impression of the kids in the class of confirmation today. I saw their different behavior today. Alex, the only boy in this program was asking me as I operated my laptop for the VCD of Conforti, “How old is your computer?” I replied by asking, “What do you think, how old is it?” He answered, “I think it’s two years older than me?” I was laughing to know their reaction. I know that it’s old but at least I can use it to type and watch the DVD and VCD. I asked the children whether they have computer at their homes and it’s true that each one of them has their own personal computer. They laughed at me and my computer because it’s old style. I didn’t feel offended instead I was just smile and I am feeling being paid attention by them. It’s very different experience with them. Because I have been in their class in one month together with one Jesuit student, Cesare, but they always behave, never asking this ‘silly question.’ I feel good that eventually the children can speak spontaneously to me in friendly way. Hopefully, it will continue in next meetings.
A quarter to three in the afternoon, George gave us a ride to Hyde Park, our house, while the weather today is the coldest so far during this Fall season, about 36 Fahrenheit degrees. George was accompanied by his son, Matthew (first grader at Saint Therese School Chinatown) and Monica (2nd grader). After the evening prayer and supper, I did type this journal and post it to my blog websites, http://acdw74.blogspot.com and http://acdw74.multiply.com
Sunday, October 16, 2005
3rd letter of October 2005
3) 29th Sunday in Ordinary Time, October 16, 2005
Monday, October 10, 2005.
This week the liturgical team is Father Pascal, Alejandro and myself. In the morning I attended the Amos class and I studied at the library. At 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. in the group we practiced the Eucharistic presiding at the 6th floor chapel. The second part of the presiding class, Father Fragomeni taught us how to say the Mass presiding completely. Next week we have to practice in small group presiding the Eucharist and my group will take place at our Xaverian chapel. At 5 to 6 p.m. I led the lectio divina; I did split the group becoming two sharing group in which I asked each one of us to take a lot A or B. Coincidentally, I have group that consisted of Father Pascal and 4 Indonesian students including me. I think this method I applied successfully in Indonesia and I see one good point to share when we have small group. The tendency to share in big group (10-11 people) is only the same people speak and share and always the same people will not speak. I think it is a good method to force little bit to talk and share in the group despite sleepiness of some members in the group waiting for others talking. Even though there is negative aspect of this method such as not everybody know what other group share, but at least we have tried to speak in engaging way even honestly and plainly without hesitance. It is exactly I experienced when I led some lay Catholic group when I was in Jakarta.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005.
In the morning I read some reading assignments on the Internet for my EMP (Social justice class) and in the evening I attended this class taught by Dawn Notwehr.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005.
I attended the Amos class in the morning and did my paper on social justice class (EMP) that I would share as well in the below of this journal.
Thursday, October 13, 2005.
I attended the class of Dialogue and Inculturation taught by Edmund Chia. In the kitchen there’s Father Adolph, sx who visited us today. I did cook for the community, beef curry, rice, green-bean dessert and shrimp crackers. At 5 p.m. Alejandro led us the Holy Prayer with topic of Mission. At 7.30 p.m. to 9.10 p.m. we had community meeting led by Father Victor, sharing about our experience celebrating the World Mission Sunday. It’s a quite engaging conversation since all of us shared our own experience that is unique in our own original sites, our own country and experience. Today while I was cooking, I received a letter from my supervisors at Alexian Brothers Medical Center about my CPE evaluation. I shared this evaluation to Father Victor. I satisfy to this evaluation.
Friday, October 14, 2005.
In the Mass I shared my experience some mission works of Catholic Church since born, grew up in my hometown, Madiun toward my vocation call becoming a missionary in the Xaverians. I shared it at the below of this journal. After the Mass and the breakfast, I went to CTU to go with Daniel, a Viatorian student, to a Theravada Buddhist temple on Magnolia Avenue, North side of Chicago. For our class of Dialogue and Inculturation, my group that consists of Daniel, Judy, Long Phi and myself decided to visit this Buddhist temple. From 9 to 10.30 a.m. we had dialogue with a Buddhist monk from Thailand named Ratana who has been living in the U.S.A. for 18 years. It’s interesting conversation for all of us that will be useful for our report to the class. I was in charge in the beginning to contact the monk via phone. The monk gave each one of us a book about chanting in Pali language. He promised to send me a CD about Dharma teaching that we think will be helpful for our presentation at the class. On the way home, I asked Dan to drop me at the public library downtown. I returned and borrowed some six DVD’s. After having a rest in the afternoon, I helped Father Victor to cook for our community, just warming up Pizza, Lasagna and chicken soup. From 7 p.m. to 8.30 p.m. I attended and taped with the handy-cam recorder the worship practicum of Jacques Bahati at the Xaverian chapel. At night I was doing research on the Internet for my first paper of EMP class.
Saturday, October 15, 2005.
After having breakfast, I worked cleaning up the kitchen especially the dining room floor and the stove. In the afternoon I did practice by myself the Eucharistic presiding at the chapel. In the supper (cooked by Valery) we had nice and longer than usual conversation and very engaging one. I do type this journal in the evening.
Sunday, October 16, 2005.
I woke up in the morning at 7 a.m., took shower and prayed the breviary personally at my room. After the breakfast, Valery and I went to Chinatown to attend the 9.30 morning Mass. In the Mass, there is a new deacon of SVD’s named Paul. He is my classmate at the presiding class at CTU. He and Cesare, a Jesuit student helped Father Michael to share communion in the Mass while I was sitting together with the altar servers at the altar as well. I felt not doing anything in the Mass. Actually, I feel not comfortable if I do not do anything in the Mass while I have to sit together with other ministers. Maybe because I am a conformist man, so whatever my formators ask to do as far as I can do it, that’s no problem for me. Even though like so, I just criticize myself: why I should dress up with alb without having role in the Mass; it does not make sense. If my formator told me in order to be known by the congregation, why the way to make it is only during the Mass, is there any other way to fulfill it?
Other thing is I admire the openness of Father Michael as the pastor of Saint Therese Church in Chinatown Chicago who welcomes everybody to involve in the parish. It is evident with the presence of an SVD deacon who does his deaconate year at this parish, a Jesuit student who teaches the Confirmation children with me, and two Xaverian students, namely Valery who teaches CCD program (6th graders) and myself teach the confirmation program. Even I saw Indonesian youth who like to come to this parish to participate in the Mass, such as Marvin who volunteers himself every Saturday in the Mass and works cleaning up the church, Edi and Lisa, an Indonesia coupple who help Father Michael as well doing little things at the rectory, at least I saw them before I left the church today. Even Lisa becomes a teacher at the first grade of CCD program. Father Michael witness is really giving me a good example to be an open person to many different people who have good will to work together. It is also a real formation and education for me as a Xaverian student who prepares myself to be a missionary priest in the near future.
From 10.45 a.m. to 12 p.m. together with Cesare, SJ, I was teaching the confirmation children with the topic about the rosary. It seems that they don’t have a custom or familiar with this prayer. We gave them copy of the rosary prayer. At 2 p.m. we returned to Hyde Park by CTA train and bus. After taking a nap in the afternoon, I was practicing the Eucharist at the chapel wearing a white cassock and red chasuble because tomorrow afternoon I have to do it with my group at our chapel in the Xaverians house.
In the supper of our community in which Valery cooked hamburger and chicken, we had very alive conversation among us. It was the continuation of yesterday’s conversation that I also wondered we have more spontaneous conversation among us that create a good environment of our community. May this will be continued next time. Even, the community was gathering at night to watch a DVD at the basement after the supper. Bravo….
Reflection on Friday, October 14, 2005
I was born and raised in a small city in East Java Province, Indonesia. Since I was born until leaving my historical site for Jakarta after graduating of High School, I had been shaped by some Catholic congregations who are still working until now in Madiun. It is nice to see that through various kinds of religious congregations I was growing toward my vocation in the Xaverians. I owe to the sisters of Missionaries Claris from the Blessed Sacrament (Mexican ‘Madres’), the Ursulin Sisters, Congregation of Aloysius Brothers, and the Vincentian priests. I was born at a hospital named Panti Bagija, Madiun, belongs to the Missionaries Claris Sisters, going to kindergarten at Saint Bernardus, Madiun, belongs to Ursulin Sisters, going to primary school for 6 years at Saint Joseph, Madiun, belongs to the Aloysian Brothers, having catechumen teaching with a Missionaries Claris sister from 14 to 16 years old, and eventually baptized by an Italian Vincentian priest on December 24, 1990. I think those who have shaped my spiritual life in Catholic Church are still in my mind and memory until now. It is always my pleasure to visit them when I came home as well as my gratitude to them who have influenced my spiritual life. The last time I came home in August 2002, I did some visit to the children in the classes and told some stories as animation to them. I realized that when I was in those schools, I never had such experience being visited by a religious or seminarian in the class. So, I was having good time with the children whom I visited even the sisters, the principals of the schools as well as some teachers who still remembered me welcomed me very nicely. My dream at that time and still until now is coming to visit them again and celebrating Mass as my first Eucharist when the time for me becomes a priest comes. I think the missionary seed that have been planted in my experience and education during my life in my city bears fruit with vocation I have now in the Xaverians. Explicitly, those who had met me during my life in Madiun never expected that someday I would become a seminarian or a priest because I was just baptized at 16 years old. My mother was a Catholic but my father is not a Catholic and they married in Saint Cornelius Catholic Church Madiun in 1971. Their marriage was blessed by an Italian Vincentian priest as I saw their pictures.
The important story of my vocation toward priesthood is when a lady in my Catholic neighbor was saying to me in one Rosary prayer with other fellows, “You’re worthy becoming a priest, I would like to pray for you in special way.” Apparently, her voice and message was drawing me to know more about vocation life entering a seminary becoming a priest. Eventually, I found a Catholic newspaper, HIDUP, with the advertisement of the Xaverian Missionaries. I got it from the house of the lady who said to me to become a priest when at another occasion of rosary prayer in May 1991. The idea of becoming a Xaverian priest remained in my teenage time but my father was upset to me if I become a priest. It makes sense because he is not a Catholic. My discernment to enter the Xaverian continued until I came to Jakarta for working for three years (1993-1996). I joined the Xaverians in 1996 in the pre-novitiate, Bintaro, Jakarta. We were 15 young men and all of them coming from minor seminary except me.
Mission for me as a seminarian, who almost finishes my M.Div program (7 more months) is doing good things wherever I am. My perspective to be a missionary is changing as I study theology at CTU, Chicago. I do not perceive any more that mission is always working in a difficult area, third world country or the place where Christians are very few. My understanding of mission is completely widened by the vision that everywhere in the world is mission site for me regardless those criteria. My eagerness to go to ideal place as a missionary is reduced because of this perspective. I am thinking in the last couple of weeks to return to my own country next year after graduating of my M.Div study to know more about the mission of my Xaverian confreres since I never had experience of doing pastoral work there. What is going to happen, I just surrender to the Mission that is belonged to GOD self.
Name: Denny Wahyudi, SX
Course: EMP-4100 (Living the Values of The Reign of God: Justice, Peace, Integrity of Creation, Reconciliation)
Due: October 18, 2005
CASE STUDY SCENARIO ON RACISM, TRIBALISM, AND XENOPHOBIA
A. My real personal story
My name is Denny Wahyudi, SX (the Xaverian Missionaries Student) from Indonesia. When I started my first year of theology at Catholic Theological Union (CTU) at the beginning of September 2003 with quarter system, I did not know anything about the program of academic study at CTU. I learned of M.Div (Master of Divinity) system by myself and nobody told me what to do with this program for priesthood in Catholic Church. Luckily, I have read the book about CTU when I was in Indonesia because my Indonesian older confrere sent it for me as I asked him. At least I know little bit and learned more after I came into the system as a CTU student. What made me feeling neglected, sad, discriminated and suspected as an Indonesian student (Asian) is when I found out that my theological studies in Indonesia could not be transferred at CTU. There was only one letter from CTU mentioned that I was in the advanced standing of M.Div. It means there is none credit transferred. I did not know what does it mean until later on I knew that it was totally different with my older confrere from Indonesia whose more “lucky” experience that his theological studies from Indonesia could be transferred at CTU when he entered CTU in 2001. My formator was upset when I asked about this case and I did not make any appeal to CTU or others. I have shown my theological studies list with its grades (the transcript) from Indonesia to the director of M.Div at that time and my advisor but it seemed to me that they did not have plan to transfer my credits from Indonesia. I did show it to them in the early quarter 2003. Knowing that I was being discriminated in this sense, I kept quiet even though I kept asking other Indonesian students at SVD’s and my older confrere in the Xaverians to make sure of their experience regards on this case. After comparing to them, I know that they could transfer their theological studies from Indonesia in the beginning of their study at CTU. I am from the same school with my older confrere in the Xaverian. Our theology and philosophy school is run by Jesuit and Franciscan in Jakarta, Indonesia. I see that my theological studies are pretty the same like my Xaverian confrere whose different only two years with me. Until the end of quarter there was nothing changed to my case. Since I was a student of a religious congregation, so I have to obey whatever my superior or the CTU faculty did for me. I was afraid to raise this issue because my formator always got upset to me when I asked of it. Better I kept silent and obeyed him since I still wanted to be a member of this religious community and studied theology in order to become a priest.
I felt that nobody concern about my case even though I always told this to my other confreres. In January 2004 my Superior General and one of the councilors came to visit my community in Chicago. When they asked me about my study, I told them honestly what was going on in my study. I told them that I have no credits could be transferred at CTU. I do not know exactly until now because of my information to my superiors from Rome so that eventually in May 2004 I got a letter of M.Div director of CTU notified that I could transfer some credits to CTU or because it was really a correction, a fair and honest treatment to me from CTU itself. I was wondering to see and read this conversion letter written by the M.Div director, May 13, 2004 addressed to the dean of CTU, “…I misread Denny’s transcript and gone him only Advanced Standing for what should have been Transfer Credit” and I got the copy of it. Finally, I was very happy that I could transfer my credits. My happiness was not fully a real happiness because it is a conditional one. My advisor told me that according to my formator I have to study four years theology at CTU. It means that I have to take M.A. studies while I am studying M.Div because I can finish my M.Div program in three years. It is a usual and normal time that other Indonesian students both SVD’s and one Xaverian eventually done. I was feeling forced to take more study (M.A.) at CTU even though I was not feeling confident with my capacity. Willy-nilly I took M.A. in the major of spirituality after entering the second year of my studies at CTU just to make my superior be happy.
What made me feeling discouraged and disappointed again regards this case is when my two younger confreres in the Xaverians from Indonesia entered CTU in 2004 with semester system. Before they started CTU, they had received a letter from M.Div director (the same person with my first year at CTU) mentioned that they could transfer their theological credits from Indonesia. One of them is my classmate in theological studies in Indonesia and we graduated of the same school in 2002 and the other one graduated in 2001. I was curious to know what kind of the letter and the credit transfer. After I compared with my own experience in my first year at CTU and the number of transferred credit they have, my feeling to be discriminated popped up again. I counted on my semester system check-list that I only have 8 and a half courses in transferring credits but both of my confreres who just began their study at CTU already received around 16 to 18 courses are transferred. I rationalized this case, “O because the system of CTU now is new, semester system.” But, there is one question that I pondered here, “Why the credit transfer of mine are very different with theirs?” They can put on their electives checklist at least four courses but me. Their total transferred courses are twice of mine. Is it fair? Then I asked myself, “Don’t I have much more good grades on my theological studies in Indonesia compares to them. My total grade of my previous theology and philosophy studies in four years program in Jakarta, Indonesia is 3.67 instead they only have 3.33 and the other one is below them. What made the difference on this case?” This comparison continued when my other confrere from Indonesia entered CTU in 2005 and he also could transfer his theological studies. He could transfer 16 courses on the checklist.
It is a reality of injustice that I have to endure in my theological studies at CTU. I always ask and reflect: “What is justice in this case, what is the truth that my professors at CTU always teach me in daily studies. Why did they do this unusual and different treatment toward me. What is the difference between me with the others?” I feel sometimes depressed and continue to feel discriminated as a person compares to the others. Until someday I came to the M.Div director to make an appeal to transfer two more courses for my M.Div study. Fortunately, I could argue and the M.Div director did transfer two more courses. So, now I have 10.5 courses transferred at CTU. For me personally, it does not matter whether I could transfer my credits or not. What make difference is my feeling being discriminated as a person whose the same studies with all of my Indonesian friends even I have better grades than them. My feeling to be discriminated is never ending since I experienced it as a painful one in my life and there is no apologized notification of some characters involved in this matter. Every time I remember this experience my heart and mind are bothered and needless to say that I am angry, very, very angry but I cannot express it. Since I can graduate of M.Div in three years, hopefully in May 18, 2006, so I feel less disappointed to this case. I could finish my M.Div in three years because I am very concern on my studies. I took courses on J-Term, summer and CPE during last summer in order to finish my M.Div program in three years. I worked and studied hard in this M.Div program. If I want to compare again myself with my other Indonesian confreres, I have taken more courses at CTU in M.Div program because the number of my transferred credits is the least one. I think it is very normal that I can finish my M.Div in three years. It is exactly the same like other Indonesian students who study M.Div at CTU, before and after me. I am in the middle of them and I have experienced improper/unusual treatment regard the certainty and lack of credit transferred. Fortunately, I can bear this situation and negative feeling until I put them into words on this paper. I am glad that eventually I can express this case in this class whose concern on the personal experience on racism, tribalism and xenophobia. How do you feel and what do you do if you were I?
B.
1. The Resolution to the case:
The central moral issue in the case is the discrimination toward an individual right and equality of the same treatment as a student. In my part as a new student, I was just observing what was going on in the reality without somebody told me clearly what was going wrong beside my suspicion that my right was denied by the respective authority. I was feeling afraid of the authority, who forced me to accept whatever their evaluation to my previous theological study. My formator is supposedly the one who responsible in my early time in academic year explaining what to do as a new student but in reality he did not care enough in my case. I was wrestling deeply with injustice and discriminated feeling. Probably he had special intention for me not to do the same like my Indonesian confrere who could transfer some credits at CTU but he never told me face-to-face and honest way in the beginning. It seemed to me that there was a hidden scenario to avoid my credits be transferred. The M.Div director was doing her job in obeying what my formator asked to do without paying attention what is going on in the reality and effect on me as a new student. The director of M.Div program was supposedly prudent to see what kind of theological studies I have done in Indonesia, not only trusted plainly on my formator. Once I showed the transcript of my theological studies to the M.Div director but the director did not have any concern to transfer any of my credits even though I told that my older confrere could transfer two years ago. The treatment of the M.Div director was really disappointed me and led me to be silent because I was in the weak and voiceless position in which nobody concerned at all to my case. My academic advisor was quite the same like the M.Div director that I suspect he was told by my formator not to transfer my credits because often times I showed and asked my case in transferring credit but he was acting like an innocent person who did not know the real issue. Again, it caused me to be silent and kept all of these in my deep down heart. The superiors from Rome were doing the right way if I am true that their visit to my community changed my destiny, namely they asked my formator to change his treatment toward me regard the transferred credits. I am not sure of this issue since I was never told honestly and clearly by both sides. I just predicted that their visit made changing after quite a while. Unfortunately, the changing was not quick in response of the authority (my formator, my advisor, and the M.Div director) because I always asked this case to my advisor many times but he always forgot to pursue until a letter came up from the M.Div director written on May 13, 2004. How late it is if I considered the visit of my superiors from Rome in the end of January 2004.
Psychologically speaking I was depressed on the situation where nobody concerns of my case. Even when there was a hope for me but I had to be patient to wait for those who are responsible on my case. Patience and patience in my daily uncertainty cost me to surrender on whatever their decision I just had to be happy. I almost gave up since there was no serious rectification on my case. At a certain point I was stuck on vacuum not knowing what to do in my study planning. I did not know what courses I would take next semester in a new system at CTU. Even on the workshop day of conversion system at CTU from quarter to semester system, I still did not know whether I could transfer my credits or not while I saw one SVD student has a letter of the CTU dean regards the transferred credit of his theological study from Washington D.C. to CTU. It made me more confused and jealous and had prejudice: “How come I am a Xaverian student having some theology studies compared to SVD student whose the similar theology study but I was neglected in transferring credit. He is an SVD student and the dean of CTU is an SVD priest. What is going on here?” My negative perception toward others at CTU was decreasing after that moment. As a person I felt I was an unlucky one compared to other fellow students. Fortunately, I had inner strength to endure this hard situation. I used to have more difficult cases in my own family and my process to get the U.S. visa and that time I had to have “unfortunate one” again. Who am I, always having difficulty in this vocation toward priesthood? I believe that all of these occasions give me strength and confidence because when I am weak I am strong. Even my feeling of hatred toward those who have responsibility on me in this case, I changed becoming a prayer for all of them. Let it be as God’s will happen to me. With all difficulties I get used to be grateful and always aware and struggle to do better in the future. I could not imagine if I am never challenged by any difficulty in my life; probably, I would be spoiled and once I got trouble, I could be very down and extremely do suicide in worst possibility because nobody cares of me. Thanks God I still survive until now no matter what problem I face in my life.
Theologically speaking, God is always in the side of those who are oppressed and neglected. God has wonderful scenario on the humans’ story that often times we as human beings not to be patient and aware of God’s signs. My surrender on God’s will is totally changing my perception toward others. God drew me to be a silent actor in little and smart ways, such as finding ways to be peace with those who are involved in this case. I am a typical person who does not like fight against other frontally. I am a peace and pacified man. I worked on my case tacitly and where there is opportunity I would do it directly with my own mature plan such as doing my appeal to add two more courses be transferred as I was taking time to ponder seriously on my theological studies and CTU program. I am a sort of person who always concerns on my studies in fulfilling all obligations as a student. Even I took care of my siblings in enrolling to their new schools before I left for a big city to work and it continued to do so with my younger Xaverian confreres in Indonesia and those who came to the U.S.A. after me. I was asking to myself: “Why I always take care of others but in my basic needs nobody cares and concerns on my case especially in my study, namely, transferring credits? Instead the things that should not happen in my life it hit me unpredictably.
I have advice and suggestion to some characters in this story. For my formator, I believe he has a good intention toward his new students but I propose to him to be clear and honest in the beginning so I did not have to think by myself what was going on behind his scenario. It cost me negative perception and bad feeling toward him that is not necessarily happened if he told me in the beginning. It seems to me that he does not have fixed policy in my case. It is evident when my Superior General and one councilor came to visit, my case was discussed again, I supposed. Eventually, things were changed drastically. For CTU both my advisor and M.Div director: I do not know what kind of professional assessment of them to evaluate one new student enrolls to CTU. I found out that the assessment of M.Div director did not base upon the real fact. The director assessed based only on the director’s thought without consultation with the new students and knowing the previous school of them. In the reality there is a big different regards on the number of transferred credits between me and other students (both the students before and after me) is an evident that there is no serious and professional treatment to know a new student and his previous study. I believe the director can do better in assessing the new student entering CTU in knowing carefully and prudently where the student comes from so that the student feels his rights are respected as same as other students. If there are some students coming from the same school and same subjects, why the director did much different assessment on the transferring credits? It is just easy to make quite the same assessment based upon the previous students.
2) In the magisterial documents I find out that:
- “…recognize and satisfy the right of all to a human and social culture in conformity with the dignity of the human person without any discrimination of race, sex, nation, religion or social condition” (Gaudium at Spes, article 60). In my case, I feel discriminated as a person whose previous studies from ‘third world country’ compared to ‘the first world country’ even though the content of the studies are similar.
- “…In order that they may fulfill their function, let it be recognized that all the faithful, whether clerics or laity, possess a lawful freedom of inquiry, freedom of thought and of expressing their mind with humility and fortitude in those matters on which they enjoy competence” (GS 62). I felt that my aspiration and my freedom to make appeal regards equality of transferring credit was being neglected by the respective authority.
- “…the Church stands forth as a sign of that brotherhood which allows honest dialogue and gives it vigor…Therefore, if we have been summoned to the same dignity, human and divine, we can and we should work together without violence and deceit in order to build up the world in genuine peace. For our part, the desire for such dialogue, which can lead through love alone, excludes no one” (GS 92). I felt in the beginning that there was a hidden scenario on my case, without honesty face to face and no dialogue at all. I felt being cheated.
On the document of Pontifical Commission Justice and Peace, The Church and Racism, I find out:
- “…in the West as in the East, in the North as in the South, one can already find unjust and discriminatory behavior, but one cannot in every case speak about racism as such” (article 2). I could not imagine that in the famous education institution in the U.S.A. there is still discrimination toward a new student that was not supposedly happened for a quite time toward one person.
- “The victims are certain groups of persons whose physical appearance or ethnic, cultural or religious characteristics are different from those of the dominant group, and are interpreted by the latter as being signs of an innate and definitive inferiority, thereby justifying all discriminatory practices in their regard. If, in fact, race defines a human group in terms of immutable and hereditary physical traits, racist prejudice, which dictates racist behavior, can be applied by extension, with equally negative effects, to all persons whose ethnic origin, language, religion or customs make them appear different” (article 8). I was being suspected as a student whose undergraduate level from “third world country” without considering the equality and same rights like other students.
From Pontifical Council for Justice and Peace entitled Contribution to World Conference Against Racism, Racial Discrimination, Xenophobia and Related Intolerance (Durban, 31 August – 7 September 2001), I find out:
- “The primary demand is therefore respect for truth. Lying, untrustworthiness, corruption, and ideological or political manipulation make it possible to restore peaceful social relations. …Such justice must respect the fundamental dignity of the human person at all times” (article 11). If there is a manipulation of the truth regards on my case, what should I say toward those who have planned and broken it? What is the truth in it?
- “From the legal point of view, all persons (individual or corporate) have a right to equitable reparation if personally and directly they have suffered injury (material or moral)…An example of this is the offering of an apology or expression of regret to the victim” (article 12). I wonder in fact, there is no special conversation or apology toward me after they found out there is a ‘misread on my previous study’ being made by the respective authority of CTU or my formator.
- “Education is a matter of teaching the human being to become “ever more human”, to “be more” rather than to “have more”. Thus the human being learns to “be” “with others”, but even more to be “for others.” That is why “education is of fundamental importance for the formation of inter-personal and social relations” (article 14). I do not see the real engaging and honest inter-personal relationship between me as a student with the respective authority regards on my case. Do not they know that I was injured morally by their policy?
- “…the unity of the human race, the dignity of every human being, the solidarity which bonds together all the members of the human family….without education in moral values, in the people and with their leaders or future leaders, every construction of peace remains fragile” (article 15). I do not know whether they realize that there is injustice issue on this little case that cost me feeling no peace. They should consider that they are model of leaders in the Church who are supposedly giving a good example toward me as a new student and a future leader in the Church.
- “…the Church insists on the irreplaceable role of religions, and of the Christian faith especially, in the area of education regarding human rights” (article 17). If we are dealing about education, mainly in the theological studies for ministry in the Church, what we are living out in the reality should be an implementation of respect on human rights, basic human rights, namely, the right of a new student to know why the policy was different. But, in reality, there was an unclear story behind my case.
- “…these measures of positive discrimination must be temporary, that they ought not have the effect of maintaining different rights for different groups, and that they must not be kept in force once their objectives have been achieved” (article 19). I am glad that eventually my ‘tragic experience’ is not repeated toward my younger confreres.
- “Freedom of conscience and freedom of religion remain the premise, the principle and the foundation of every other freedom, human and civil, individual and communal” (article 22). As an individual person, I have a right to speak up and make appeal for justice as I perceive but in reality I was shut up and intimidated by the authority that makes me bit trauma in some degree and mentally being discouraged and drew to inferior complex as a person of a certain group such as Indonesian, Asian, etc.
3) In my local bishop conference I am not sure there is a document regards on this issue. But, I know that in Indonesia there is always a policy to consider the transfer credits at a new school in the same status between the old and new school. Why should one repeat the same subject if he/she has already taken at the previous school?
4) Summary: I might feel better if there was a clarification in the beginning on my case. But in fact that this case was fixed at the end of my first year at CTU. I could have been better in knowing what subjects I could take and did not necessarily take in the early of my study at CTU because I did not need them. Even after there was a rectification of this case in May after my first year almost finished, there is no certain apologized note addressed toward me who feels neglected and discriminated as a person and an Indonesian (Asian) student. The good things were finally there is a policy to transfer my credits even though there is still not quite the same compares to other Indonesian students whose the same school and same subjects like me. Actually, I have been grateful to the final treatment of CTU toward my younger confreres and myself from Indonesia because they did not need to suffer like me in the beginning. I am grateful because I can finish my M.Div in three years at CTU and it means I am very near to my final decision to be an ordained minister in my religious congregation, the Xaverians.
Monday, October 10, 2005.
This week the liturgical team is Father Pascal, Alejandro and myself. In the morning I attended the Amos class and I studied at the library. At 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. in the group we practiced the Eucharistic presiding at the 6th floor chapel. The second part of the presiding class, Father Fragomeni taught us how to say the Mass presiding completely. Next week we have to practice in small group presiding the Eucharist and my group will take place at our Xaverian chapel. At 5 to 6 p.m. I led the lectio divina; I did split the group becoming two sharing group in which I asked each one of us to take a lot A or B. Coincidentally, I have group that consisted of Father Pascal and 4 Indonesian students including me. I think this method I applied successfully in Indonesia and I see one good point to share when we have small group. The tendency to share in big group (10-11 people) is only the same people speak and share and always the same people will not speak. I think it is a good method to force little bit to talk and share in the group despite sleepiness of some members in the group waiting for others talking. Even though there is negative aspect of this method such as not everybody know what other group share, but at least we have tried to speak in engaging way even honestly and plainly without hesitance. It is exactly I experienced when I led some lay Catholic group when I was in Jakarta.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005.
In the morning I read some reading assignments on the Internet for my EMP (Social justice class) and in the evening I attended this class taught by Dawn Notwehr.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005.
I attended the Amos class in the morning and did my paper on social justice class (EMP) that I would share as well in the below of this journal.
Thursday, October 13, 2005.
I attended the class of Dialogue and Inculturation taught by Edmund Chia. In the kitchen there’s Father Adolph, sx who visited us today. I did cook for the community, beef curry, rice, green-bean dessert and shrimp crackers. At 5 p.m. Alejandro led us the Holy Prayer with topic of Mission. At 7.30 p.m. to 9.10 p.m. we had community meeting led by Father Victor, sharing about our experience celebrating the World Mission Sunday. It’s a quite engaging conversation since all of us shared our own experience that is unique in our own original sites, our own country and experience. Today while I was cooking, I received a letter from my supervisors at Alexian Brothers Medical Center about my CPE evaluation. I shared this evaluation to Father Victor. I satisfy to this evaluation.
Friday, October 14, 2005.
In the Mass I shared my experience some mission works of Catholic Church since born, grew up in my hometown, Madiun toward my vocation call becoming a missionary in the Xaverians. I shared it at the below of this journal. After the Mass and the breakfast, I went to CTU to go with Daniel, a Viatorian student, to a Theravada Buddhist temple on Magnolia Avenue, North side of Chicago. For our class of Dialogue and Inculturation, my group that consists of Daniel, Judy, Long Phi and myself decided to visit this Buddhist temple. From 9 to 10.30 a.m. we had dialogue with a Buddhist monk from Thailand named Ratana who has been living in the U.S.A. for 18 years. It’s interesting conversation for all of us that will be useful for our report to the class. I was in charge in the beginning to contact the monk via phone. The monk gave each one of us a book about chanting in Pali language. He promised to send me a CD about Dharma teaching that we think will be helpful for our presentation at the class. On the way home, I asked Dan to drop me at the public library downtown. I returned and borrowed some six DVD’s. After having a rest in the afternoon, I helped Father Victor to cook for our community, just warming up Pizza, Lasagna and chicken soup. From 7 p.m. to 8.30 p.m. I attended and taped with the handy-cam recorder the worship practicum of Jacques Bahati at the Xaverian chapel. At night I was doing research on the Internet for my first paper of EMP class.
Saturday, October 15, 2005.
After having breakfast, I worked cleaning up the kitchen especially the dining room floor and the stove. In the afternoon I did practice by myself the Eucharistic presiding at the chapel. In the supper (cooked by Valery) we had nice and longer than usual conversation and very engaging one. I do type this journal in the evening.
Sunday, October 16, 2005.
I woke up in the morning at 7 a.m., took shower and prayed the breviary personally at my room. After the breakfast, Valery and I went to Chinatown to attend the 9.30 morning Mass. In the Mass, there is a new deacon of SVD’s named Paul. He is my classmate at the presiding class at CTU. He and Cesare, a Jesuit student helped Father Michael to share communion in the Mass while I was sitting together with the altar servers at the altar as well. I felt not doing anything in the Mass. Actually, I feel not comfortable if I do not do anything in the Mass while I have to sit together with other ministers. Maybe because I am a conformist man, so whatever my formators ask to do as far as I can do it, that’s no problem for me. Even though like so, I just criticize myself: why I should dress up with alb without having role in the Mass; it does not make sense. If my formator told me in order to be known by the congregation, why the way to make it is only during the Mass, is there any other way to fulfill it?
Other thing is I admire the openness of Father Michael as the pastor of Saint Therese Church in Chinatown Chicago who welcomes everybody to involve in the parish. It is evident with the presence of an SVD deacon who does his deaconate year at this parish, a Jesuit student who teaches the Confirmation children with me, and two Xaverian students, namely Valery who teaches CCD program (6th graders) and myself teach the confirmation program. Even I saw Indonesian youth who like to come to this parish to participate in the Mass, such as Marvin who volunteers himself every Saturday in the Mass and works cleaning up the church, Edi and Lisa, an Indonesia coupple who help Father Michael as well doing little things at the rectory, at least I saw them before I left the church today. Even Lisa becomes a teacher at the first grade of CCD program. Father Michael witness is really giving me a good example to be an open person to many different people who have good will to work together. It is also a real formation and education for me as a Xaverian student who prepares myself to be a missionary priest in the near future.
From 10.45 a.m. to 12 p.m. together with Cesare, SJ, I was teaching the confirmation children with the topic about the rosary. It seems that they don’t have a custom or familiar with this prayer. We gave them copy of the rosary prayer. At 2 p.m. we returned to Hyde Park by CTA train and bus. After taking a nap in the afternoon, I was practicing the Eucharist at the chapel wearing a white cassock and red chasuble because tomorrow afternoon I have to do it with my group at our chapel in the Xaverians house.
In the supper of our community in which Valery cooked hamburger and chicken, we had very alive conversation among us. It was the continuation of yesterday’s conversation that I also wondered we have more spontaneous conversation among us that create a good environment of our community. May this will be continued next time. Even, the community was gathering at night to watch a DVD at the basement after the supper. Bravo….
Reflection on Friday, October 14, 2005
I was born and raised in a small city in East Java Province, Indonesia. Since I was born until leaving my historical site for Jakarta after graduating of High School, I had been shaped by some Catholic congregations who are still working until now in Madiun. It is nice to see that through various kinds of religious congregations I was growing toward my vocation in the Xaverians. I owe to the sisters of Missionaries Claris from the Blessed Sacrament (Mexican ‘Madres’), the Ursulin Sisters, Congregation of Aloysius Brothers, and the Vincentian priests. I was born at a hospital named Panti Bagija, Madiun, belongs to the Missionaries Claris Sisters, going to kindergarten at Saint Bernardus, Madiun, belongs to Ursulin Sisters, going to primary school for 6 years at Saint Joseph, Madiun, belongs to the Aloysian Brothers, having catechumen teaching with a Missionaries Claris sister from 14 to 16 years old, and eventually baptized by an Italian Vincentian priest on December 24, 1990. I think those who have shaped my spiritual life in Catholic Church are still in my mind and memory until now. It is always my pleasure to visit them when I came home as well as my gratitude to them who have influenced my spiritual life. The last time I came home in August 2002, I did some visit to the children in the classes and told some stories as animation to them. I realized that when I was in those schools, I never had such experience being visited by a religious or seminarian in the class. So, I was having good time with the children whom I visited even the sisters, the principals of the schools as well as some teachers who still remembered me welcomed me very nicely. My dream at that time and still until now is coming to visit them again and celebrating Mass as my first Eucharist when the time for me becomes a priest comes. I think the missionary seed that have been planted in my experience and education during my life in my city bears fruit with vocation I have now in the Xaverians. Explicitly, those who had met me during my life in Madiun never expected that someday I would become a seminarian or a priest because I was just baptized at 16 years old. My mother was a Catholic but my father is not a Catholic and they married in Saint Cornelius Catholic Church Madiun in 1971. Their marriage was blessed by an Italian Vincentian priest as I saw their pictures.
The important story of my vocation toward priesthood is when a lady in my Catholic neighbor was saying to me in one Rosary prayer with other fellows, “You’re worthy becoming a priest, I would like to pray for you in special way.” Apparently, her voice and message was drawing me to know more about vocation life entering a seminary becoming a priest. Eventually, I found a Catholic newspaper, HIDUP, with the advertisement of the Xaverian Missionaries. I got it from the house of the lady who said to me to become a priest when at another occasion of rosary prayer in May 1991. The idea of becoming a Xaverian priest remained in my teenage time but my father was upset to me if I become a priest. It makes sense because he is not a Catholic. My discernment to enter the Xaverian continued until I came to Jakarta for working for three years (1993-1996). I joined the Xaverians in 1996 in the pre-novitiate, Bintaro, Jakarta. We were 15 young men and all of them coming from minor seminary except me.
Mission for me as a seminarian, who almost finishes my M.Div program (7 more months) is doing good things wherever I am. My perspective to be a missionary is changing as I study theology at CTU, Chicago. I do not perceive any more that mission is always working in a difficult area, third world country or the place where Christians are very few. My understanding of mission is completely widened by the vision that everywhere in the world is mission site for me regardless those criteria. My eagerness to go to ideal place as a missionary is reduced because of this perspective. I am thinking in the last couple of weeks to return to my own country next year after graduating of my M.Div study to know more about the mission of my Xaverian confreres since I never had experience of doing pastoral work there. What is going to happen, I just surrender to the Mission that is belonged to GOD self.
Name: Denny Wahyudi, SX
Course: EMP-4100 (Living the Values of The Reign of God: Justice, Peace, Integrity of Creation, Reconciliation)
Due: October 18, 2005
CASE STUDY SCENARIO ON RACISM, TRIBALISM, AND XENOPHOBIA
A. My real personal story
My name is Denny Wahyudi, SX (the Xaverian Missionaries Student) from Indonesia. When I started my first year of theology at Catholic Theological Union (CTU) at the beginning of September 2003 with quarter system, I did not know anything about the program of academic study at CTU. I learned of M.Div (Master of Divinity) system by myself and nobody told me what to do with this program for priesthood in Catholic Church. Luckily, I have read the book about CTU when I was in Indonesia because my Indonesian older confrere sent it for me as I asked him. At least I know little bit and learned more after I came into the system as a CTU student. What made me feeling neglected, sad, discriminated and suspected as an Indonesian student (Asian) is when I found out that my theological studies in Indonesia could not be transferred at CTU. There was only one letter from CTU mentioned that I was in the advanced standing of M.Div. It means there is none credit transferred. I did not know what does it mean until later on I knew that it was totally different with my older confrere from Indonesia whose more “lucky” experience that his theological studies from Indonesia could be transferred at CTU when he entered CTU in 2001. My formator was upset when I asked about this case and I did not make any appeal to CTU or others. I have shown my theological studies list with its grades (the transcript) from Indonesia to the director of M.Div at that time and my advisor but it seemed to me that they did not have plan to transfer my credits from Indonesia. I did show it to them in the early quarter 2003. Knowing that I was being discriminated in this sense, I kept quiet even though I kept asking other Indonesian students at SVD’s and my older confrere in the Xaverians to make sure of their experience regards on this case. After comparing to them, I know that they could transfer their theological studies from Indonesia in the beginning of their study at CTU. I am from the same school with my older confrere in the Xaverian. Our theology and philosophy school is run by Jesuit and Franciscan in Jakarta, Indonesia. I see that my theological studies are pretty the same like my Xaverian confrere whose different only two years with me. Until the end of quarter there was nothing changed to my case. Since I was a student of a religious congregation, so I have to obey whatever my superior or the CTU faculty did for me. I was afraid to raise this issue because my formator always got upset to me when I asked of it. Better I kept silent and obeyed him since I still wanted to be a member of this religious community and studied theology in order to become a priest.
I felt that nobody concern about my case even though I always told this to my other confreres. In January 2004 my Superior General and one of the councilors came to visit my community in Chicago. When they asked me about my study, I told them honestly what was going on in my study. I told them that I have no credits could be transferred at CTU. I do not know exactly until now because of my information to my superiors from Rome so that eventually in May 2004 I got a letter of M.Div director of CTU notified that I could transfer some credits to CTU or because it was really a correction, a fair and honest treatment to me from CTU itself. I was wondering to see and read this conversion letter written by the M.Div director, May 13, 2004 addressed to the dean of CTU, “…I misread Denny’s transcript and gone him only Advanced Standing for what should have been Transfer Credit” and I got the copy of it. Finally, I was very happy that I could transfer my credits. My happiness was not fully a real happiness because it is a conditional one. My advisor told me that according to my formator I have to study four years theology at CTU. It means that I have to take M.A. studies while I am studying M.Div because I can finish my M.Div program in three years. It is a usual and normal time that other Indonesian students both SVD’s and one Xaverian eventually done. I was feeling forced to take more study (M.A.) at CTU even though I was not feeling confident with my capacity. Willy-nilly I took M.A. in the major of spirituality after entering the second year of my studies at CTU just to make my superior be happy.
What made me feeling discouraged and disappointed again regards this case is when my two younger confreres in the Xaverians from Indonesia entered CTU in 2004 with semester system. Before they started CTU, they had received a letter from M.Div director (the same person with my first year at CTU) mentioned that they could transfer their theological credits from Indonesia. One of them is my classmate in theological studies in Indonesia and we graduated of the same school in 2002 and the other one graduated in 2001. I was curious to know what kind of the letter and the credit transfer. After I compared with my own experience in my first year at CTU and the number of transferred credit they have, my feeling to be discriminated popped up again. I counted on my semester system check-list that I only have 8 and a half courses in transferring credits but both of my confreres who just began their study at CTU already received around 16 to 18 courses are transferred. I rationalized this case, “O because the system of CTU now is new, semester system.” But, there is one question that I pondered here, “Why the credit transfer of mine are very different with theirs?” They can put on their electives checklist at least four courses but me. Their total transferred courses are twice of mine. Is it fair? Then I asked myself, “Don’t I have much more good grades on my theological studies in Indonesia compares to them. My total grade of my previous theology and philosophy studies in four years program in Jakarta, Indonesia is 3.67 instead they only have 3.33 and the other one is below them. What made the difference on this case?” This comparison continued when my other confrere from Indonesia entered CTU in 2005 and he also could transfer his theological studies. He could transfer 16 courses on the checklist.
It is a reality of injustice that I have to endure in my theological studies at CTU. I always ask and reflect: “What is justice in this case, what is the truth that my professors at CTU always teach me in daily studies. Why did they do this unusual and different treatment toward me. What is the difference between me with the others?” I feel sometimes depressed and continue to feel discriminated as a person compares to the others. Until someday I came to the M.Div director to make an appeal to transfer two more courses for my M.Div study. Fortunately, I could argue and the M.Div director did transfer two more courses. So, now I have 10.5 courses transferred at CTU. For me personally, it does not matter whether I could transfer my credits or not. What make difference is my feeling being discriminated as a person whose the same studies with all of my Indonesian friends even I have better grades than them. My feeling to be discriminated is never ending since I experienced it as a painful one in my life and there is no apologized notification of some characters involved in this matter. Every time I remember this experience my heart and mind are bothered and needless to say that I am angry, very, very angry but I cannot express it. Since I can graduate of M.Div in three years, hopefully in May 18, 2006, so I feel less disappointed to this case. I could finish my M.Div in three years because I am very concern on my studies. I took courses on J-Term, summer and CPE during last summer in order to finish my M.Div program in three years. I worked and studied hard in this M.Div program. If I want to compare again myself with my other Indonesian confreres, I have taken more courses at CTU in M.Div program because the number of my transferred credits is the least one. I think it is very normal that I can finish my M.Div in three years. It is exactly the same like other Indonesian students who study M.Div at CTU, before and after me. I am in the middle of them and I have experienced improper/unusual treatment regard the certainty and lack of credit transferred. Fortunately, I can bear this situation and negative feeling until I put them into words on this paper. I am glad that eventually I can express this case in this class whose concern on the personal experience on racism, tribalism and xenophobia. How do you feel and what do you do if you were I?
B.
1. The Resolution to the case:
The central moral issue in the case is the discrimination toward an individual right and equality of the same treatment as a student. In my part as a new student, I was just observing what was going on in the reality without somebody told me clearly what was going wrong beside my suspicion that my right was denied by the respective authority. I was feeling afraid of the authority, who forced me to accept whatever their evaluation to my previous theological study. My formator is supposedly the one who responsible in my early time in academic year explaining what to do as a new student but in reality he did not care enough in my case. I was wrestling deeply with injustice and discriminated feeling. Probably he had special intention for me not to do the same like my Indonesian confrere who could transfer some credits at CTU but he never told me face-to-face and honest way in the beginning. It seemed to me that there was a hidden scenario to avoid my credits be transferred. The M.Div director was doing her job in obeying what my formator asked to do without paying attention what is going on in the reality and effect on me as a new student. The director of M.Div program was supposedly prudent to see what kind of theological studies I have done in Indonesia, not only trusted plainly on my formator. Once I showed the transcript of my theological studies to the M.Div director but the director did not have any concern to transfer any of my credits even though I told that my older confrere could transfer two years ago. The treatment of the M.Div director was really disappointed me and led me to be silent because I was in the weak and voiceless position in which nobody concerned at all to my case. My academic advisor was quite the same like the M.Div director that I suspect he was told by my formator not to transfer my credits because often times I showed and asked my case in transferring credit but he was acting like an innocent person who did not know the real issue. Again, it caused me to be silent and kept all of these in my deep down heart. The superiors from Rome were doing the right way if I am true that their visit to my community changed my destiny, namely they asked my formator to change his treatment toward me regard the transferred credits. I am not sure of this issue since I was never told honestly and clearly by both sides. I just predicted that their visit made changing after quite a while. Unfortunately, the changing was not quick in response of the authority (my formator, my advisor, and the M.Div director) because I always asked this case to my advisor many times but he always forgot to pursue until a letter came up from the M.Div director written on May 13, 2004. How late it is if I considered the visit of my superiors from Rome in the end of January 2004.
Psychologically speaking I was depressed on the situation where nobody concerns of my case. Even when there was a hope for me but I had to be patient to wait for those who are responsible on my case. Patience and patience in my daily uncertainty cost me to surrender on whatever their decision I just had to be happy. I almost gave up since there was no serious rectification on my case. At a certain point I was stuck on vacuum not knowing what to do in my study planning. I did not know what courses I would take next semester in a new system at CTU. Even on the workshop day of conversion system at CTU from quarter to semester system, I still did not know whether I could transfer my credits or not while I saw one SVD student has a letter of the CTU dean regards the transferred credit of his theological study from Washington D.C. to CTU. It made me more confused and jealous and had prejudice: “How come I am a Xaverian student having some theology studies compared to SVD student whose the similar theology study but I was neglected in transferring credit. He is an SVD student and the dean of CTU is an SVD priest. What is going on here?” My negative perception toward others at CTU was decreasing after that moment. As a person I felt I was an unlucky one compared to other fellow students. Fortunately, I had inner strength to endure this hard situation. I used to have more difficult cases in my own family and my process to get the U.S. visa and that time I had to have “unfortunate one” again. Who am I, always having difficulty in this vocation toward priesthood? I believe that all of these occasions give me strength and confidence because when I am weak I am strong. Even my feeling of hatred toward those who have responsibility on me in this case, I changed becoming a prayer for all of them. Let it be as God’s will happen to me. With all difficulties I get used to be grateful and always aware and struggle to do better in the future. I could not imagine if I am never challenged by any difficulty in my life; probably, I would be spoiled and once I got trouble, I could be very down and extremely do suicide in worst possibility because nobody cares of me. Thanks God I still survive until now no matter what problem I face in my life.
Theologically speaking, God is always in the side of those who are oppressed and neglected. God has wonderful scenario on the humans’ story that often times we as human beings not to be patient and aware of God’s signs. My surrender on God’s will is totally changing my perception toward others. God drew me to be a silent actor in little and smart ways, such as finding ways to be peace with those who are involved in this case. I am a typical person who does not like fight against other frontally. I am a peace and pacified man. I worked on my case tacitly and where there is opportunity I would do it directly with my own mature plan such as doing my appeal to add two more courses be transferred as I was taking time to ponder seriously on my theological studies and CTU program. I am a sort of person who always concerns on my studies in fulfilling all obligations as a student. Even I took care of my siblings in enrolling to their new schools before I left for a big city to work and it continued to do so with my younger Xaverian confreres in Indonesia and those who came to the U.S.A. after me. I was asking to myself: “Why I always take care of others but in my basic needs nobody cares and concerns on my case especially in my study, namely, transferring credits? Instead the things that should not happen in my life it hit me unpredictably.
I have advice and suggestion to some characters in this story. For my formator, I believe he has a good intention toward his new students but I propose to him to be clear and honest in the beginning so I did not have to think by myself what was going on behind his scenario. It cost me negative perception and bad feeling toward him that is not necessarily happened if he told me in the beginning. It seems to me that he does not have fixed policy in my case. It is evident when my Superior General and one councilor came to visit, my case was discussed again, I supposed. Eventually, things were changed drastically. For CTU both my advisor and M.Div director: I do not know what kind of professional assessment of them to evaluate one new student enrolls to CTU. I found out that the assessment of M.Div director did not base upon the real fact. The director assessed based only on the director’s thought without consultation with the new students and knowing the previous school of them. In the reality there is a big different regards on the number of transferred credits between me and other students (both the students before and after me) is an evident that there is no serious and professional treatment to know a new student and his previous study. I believe the director can do better in assessing the new student entering CTU in knowing carefully and prudently where the student comes from so that the student feels his rights are respected as same as other students. If there are some students coming from the same school and same subjects, why the director did much different assessment on the transferring credits? It is just easy to make quite the same assessment based upon the previous students.
2) In the magisterial documents I find out that:
- “…recognize and satisfy the right of all to a human and social culture in conformity with the dignity of the human person without any discrimination of race, sex, nation, religion or social condition” (Gaudium at Spes, article 60). In my case, I feel discriminated as a person whose previous studies from ‘third world country’ compared to ‘the first world country’ even though the content of the studies are similar.
- “…In order that they may fulfill their function, let it be recognized that all the faithful, whether clerics or laity, possess a lawful freedom of inquiry, freedom of thought and of expressing their mind with humility and fortitude in those matters on which they enjoy competence” (GS 62). I felt that my aspiration and my freedom to make appeal regards equality of transferring credit was being neglected by the respective authority.
- “…the Church stands forth as a sign of that brotherhood which allows honest dialogue and gives it vigor…Therefore, if we have been summoned to the same dignity, human and divine, we can and we should work together without violence and deceit in order to build up the world in genuine peace. For our part, the desire for such dialogue, which can lead through love alone, excludes no one” (GS 92). I felt in the beginning that there was a hidden scenario on my case, without honesty face to face and no dialogue at all. I felt being cheated.
On the document of Pontifical Commission Justice and Peace, The Church and Racism, I find out:
- “…in the West as in the East, in the North as in the South, one can already find unjust and discriminatory behavior, but one cannot in every case speak about racism as such” (article 2). I could not imagine that in the famous education institution in the U.S.A. there is still discrimination toward a new student that was not supposedly happened for a quite time toward one person.
- “The victims are certain groups of persons whose physical appearance or ethnic, cultural or religious characteristics are different from those of the dominant group, and are interpreted by the latter as being signs of an innate and definitive inferiority, thereby justifying all discriminatory practices in their regard. If, in fact, race defines a human group in terms of immutable and hereditary physical traits, racist prejudice, which dictates racist behavior, can be applied by extension, with equally negative effects, to all persons whose ethnic origin, language, religion or customs make them appear different” (article 8). I was being suspected as a student whose undergraduate level from “third world country” without considering the equality and same rights like other students.
From Pontifical Council for Justice and Peace entitled Contribution to World Conference Against Racism, Racial Discrimination, Xenophobia and Related Intolerance (Durban, 31 August – 7 September 2001), I find out:
- “The primary demand is therefore respect for truth. Lying, untrustworthiness, corruption, and ideological or political manipulation make it possible to restore peaceful social relations. …Such justice must respect the fundamental dignity of the human person at all times” (article 11). If there is a manipulation of the truth regards on my case, what should I say toward those who have planned and broken it? What is the truth in it?
- “From the legal point of view, all persons (individual or corporate) have a right to equitable reparation if personally and directly they have suffered injury (material or moral)…An example of this is the offering of an apology or expression of regret to the victim” (article 12). I wonder in fact, there is no special conversation or apology toward me after they found out there is a ‘misread on my previous study’ being made by the respective authority of CTU or my formator.
- “Education is a matter of teaching the human being to become “ever more human”, to “be more” rather than to “have more”. Thus the human being learns to “be” “with others”, but even more to be “for others.” That is why “education is of fundamental importance for the formation of inter-personal and social relations” (article 14). I do not see the real engaging and honest inter-personal relationship between me as a student with the respective authority regards on my case. Do not they know that I was injured morally by their policy?
- “…the unity of the human race, the dignity of every human being, the solidarity which bonds together all the members of the human family….without education in moral values, in the people and with their leaders or future leaders, every construction of peace remains fragile” (article 15). I do not know whether they realize that there is injustice issue on this little case that cost me feeling no peace. They should consider that they are model of leaders in the Church who are supposedly giving a good example toward me as a new student and a future leader in the Church.
- “…the Church insists on the irreplaceable role of religions, and of the Christian faith especially, in the area of education regarding human rights” (article 17). If we are dealing about education, mainly in the theological studies for ministry in the Church, what we are living out in the reality should be an implementation of respect on human rights, basic human rights, namely, the right of a new student to know why the policy was different. But, in reality, there was an unclear story behind my case.
- “…these measures of positive discrimination must be temporary, that they ought not have the effect of maintaining different rights for different groups, and that they must not be kept in force once their objectives have been achieved” (article 19). I am glad that eventually my ‘tragic experience’ is not repeated toward my younger confreres.
- “Freedom of conscience and freedom of religion remain the premise, the principle and the foundation of every other freedom, human and civil, individual and communal” (article 22). As an individual person, I have a right to speak up and make appeal for justice as I perceive but in reality I was shut up and intimidated by the authority that makes me bit trauma in some degree and mentally being discouraged and drew to inferior complex as a person of a certain group such as Indonesian, Asian, etc.
3) In my local bishop conference I am not sure there is a document regards on this issue. But, I know that in Indonesia there is always a policy to consider the transfer credits at a new school in the same status between the old and new school. Why should one repeat the same subject if he/she has already taken at the previous school?
4) Summary: I might feel better if there was a clarification in the beginning on my case. But in fact that this case was fixed at the end of my first year at CTU. I could have been better in knowing what subjects I could take and did not necessarily take in the early of my study at CTU because I did not need them. Even after there was a rectification of this case in May after my first year almost finished, there is no certain apologized note addressed toward me who feels neglected and discriminated as a person and an Indonesian (Asian) student. The good things were finally there is a policy to transfer my credits even though there is still not quite the same compares to other Indonesian students whose the same school and same subjects like me. Actually, I have been grateful to the final treatment of CTU toward my younger confreres and myself from Indonesia because they did not need to suffer like me in the beginning. I am grateful because I can finish my M.Div in three years at CTU and it means I am very near to my final decision to be an ordained minister in my religious congregation, the Xaverians.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
2nd letter of October 2005
2) 28th Sunday in Ordinary Time, October 09, 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005.
I attended the Amos class then at the library did some readings. From 1 p.m. till 3.45 p.m. I had presiding class in which we practiced the first part of presiding the Eucharist. In doing it, we realized that each and every one of us did mistake and felt nervous. Knowing this reality, I have conviction that I have to practice it in daily basis in my own room or chapel before acting on the due time this month. I have to submit a tape, a videocassette to my professor, Father Fragomeni, about presiding a Mass, a weekday Mass this month. At 2 p.m. we had a break to participate with other students, faculty and employees of CTU in ceremony putting a piece of construction that had been signed by many in the new building. At 2.40 p.m. we continued the presiding class with practicing the presiding of the Mass at the chapel, the 6th floor. At 5 p.m. in the community we did lectio divina led by Pascal Atumisi. From 7.15 p.m. to 8.45 p.m. I had colloquium (personal formation) with my formator/rector, Father Rocco. It is a time that I have been waiting for in two months after coming back from the CPE last summer.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005.
The whole morning plus afternoon I spent my time to read some articles for my integrating class. At 10 a.m. Father Rocco headed for Rome, Italy to attend the meeting of theology rectors of the Xaverians. In the evening I attended the class of integrating core (EMP) taught by Dawn Notwehr.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005.
In the morning I got a phone call from Juli, my penpal who is already in New York City. She is a choicer from Jakarta whom I know from e-mail. So, I never met her before. It’s once again the miracle of media Internet in this postmodern age. I refer her to my friend in NYC, Frans Slamet. I attended the Amos class in the morning and made photocopy for my EMP class at the library. At the registration office I took the graduation packet for May 18, 2006, for my M.Div degree. I have planned it since last year to graduate of M.Div in May 2006. Before noon I practiced to preside the Mass at the chapel. I am going to do it in daily basis by myself. After having rest in the afternoon, I did type the first paper of Presiding class, with the topic Toward a Theology of Presiding. I continued to type it again after the supper.
Thursday, October 06, 2005.
In the morning I attended Inculturation and Dialogue class and before noon at the chapel I was practicing the presiding of the Eucharist. I cooked Lasagna for CTU community gathering this evening. After the Holy Hour we as community went to CTU for the CTU community gathering.
Friday, October 07, 2005.
Today the weather is little bit cold. I practiced the Eucharistic presiding at the chapel and did laundry. In the afternoon I practiced the confession and the Mass with Valery as my presiding class requires doing it. In the breakfast, I was sharing my idea to Father Pascal about my feeling of lack of pastoral year experience as a Xaverian. I think I never had an experience working at a parish fully immersed as my other colleagues did. It came up I guess because my M.Div studies at CTU is going to finish soon, some 7 more months. Sometimes I feel lazy to do study and do start typing my paper. In the last 8 years I have been studying both in Indonesia and the U.S.A. I feel tired of this study. I need a break. I have intention to take pastoral year after graduating the M.Div next May 2006 in doing deaconate year. It’s just sudden thinking that I should consult to my superior both my spiritual director and formator. Sometimes I think it’s good way to return to Indonesia doing deaconate year in order to know more about my own province, the Xaverian ministry in Indonesia. I am jealous with my Xaverian friends who have this rich experience to be fully immersed at one of the parishes of the Xaverians in Indonesia. Basically I am open to wherever site I am going to work as a deacon. My aspiration is to be away of CTU, the academic study and work fully in a parish as my pastoral experience as a deacon. Is it becoming realized next year? We will see then. It is coming soon what is going to happen since May 2006 is close to my destiny.
Saturday, October 08, 2005.
After working at the kitchen and the first floor, I headed for public library borrowing and returning some 6 DVD’s then Chinatown. There’s parade on the street and bazaar at Saint Therese School. At 3 p.m. I returned home by CTA bus and train.
Sunday, October 09, 2005.
At 8.15 a.m. together with Valery I went to Saint Therese Church in Chinatown. With Cesare, a Jesuit student, I was serving at the Mass presided by Father Michael at 9.30 a.m. Soon after the Mass, Cesare and I were teaching the confirmation kids. There were 4 fellows coming today in spite of Marathon on the street. They are Naomi, Brittany, Alison and Alex. After having lunch at the rectory, I met Cesare to talk about the program next week. We went home to Hyde Park at 1.30 p.m. In the evening after supper, I did practice the sacrament of reconciliation with Valery and Father Victor as my professor of presiding, Father Richard Fragomeni required last week.
Denny Wahyudi, SX
Presiding (W 4202-1)
October 10, 2005
TOWARD A THEOLOGY OF PRESIDING
I was baptized in the Catholic Church at 16 years old by an Italian Vincentian priest, Sebastiano Fornasari, c.m. in my hometown, Madiun, Indonesia. I still remember on that day, December 24, 1990 in which my grandmother and both of my younger brothers were present as witnesses. This important moment in my life, to be born again in God’s love through the Catholic Church was documented in a picture that I always bring with me. On this picture I can see that the water of Baptism was running down on my forehead. Afterward I was interested in the way of life of priest as I saw in the Mass. I was impressed a lot when a priest presiding the Eucharist, wearing colorful chasuble, singing and preaching to the congregation. At that time I did not know what priest is all about. So far I knew that a priest is the one who presides the Mass and has privilege to consume big host and wine in the Mass. When I was in the Catholic primary school, I ever questioned: why only the priest who can drink wine in the Eucharist. I thought that he is very selfish, does not want to share it with others. On my Baptism day, I had privilege to have communion both the wine, the Blood of Christ and the host, the Body of Christ that gave me experience tasting the wine. As I served as an altar server on daily Masses every morning at 5.20 a.m. at the parish of my hometown, Saint Cornelius, I came to know closer how the priests celebrate the Mass. Apparently, this led me to have an idea to become a priest. I was curious to know more about the education of the priest in the seminary and I got a lot of information from various congregations in Indonesia whom I had correspondence with including the Xaverian Missionaries. Since my mind, idea, and spirit were devoted so much to the figure of a priest, I put white paper on my pictures as if it is a chasuble and cassock. I was very proud of myself and projected myself toward future. Beside that near before I graduated of high school, I taped my voice in praying the Eucharistic Prayer and shared them to my close friends as memory of me. At that time I liked to sing and preside the Mass as I dreamed to become a priest. Unfortunately, I did not enter a seminary after graduating of high school because my family especially my father was very upset if I became a priest. I could understand his opinion because he is not a Catholic.
Reflecting back on this life story I have small seed of vocation toward priesthood that eventually I answered and followed up by entering the Xaverian Missionaries in Jakarta, Indonesia after working for three years as soon as I graduated of high school. It has been 9 years since I joined the Xaverians, my spirit and enthusiasm to continue this journey are still strong and I am thinking that it is a matter of time that I am able to practice appropriately the Eucharistic presiding and other sacraments. On this class of presiding that I have been long for, my dream comes true to celebrate and preside the Mass. It is always my pleasure that I can wear an alb and a chasuble, and hold a host and a chalice. My proud, happy and joy feeling on this step of my formation are still the same I had when I was in the high school. In my reflection assessing my capacity on presiding, I come to realize that I am not a perfect man who is able to do the presiding without defects. As I see on many dimensions of myself, I should focus on practicing some areas that I need to know more intellectually and some areas/skills that I should have as I practice more and more in order to master it. All of these criteria I am going to spell out as follows.
In effective presiding I should keep in mind that it requires some various factors, namely, liturgical knowledge, communication skills, ritual embodiment, personal reverence and public ease (as given by the professor, Father Fragomeni).
In the liturgical knowledge, it seems to me that I have been studying academically Sacraments I (Initiation) and Sacrament II (Sacramental Theology) last year. In fact, I have short memory to recall all what I have done in reading and assignment. What I have to do now is to open again my note and books that support my understanding and knowledge of the liturgy especially for the Eucharist and the Initiation. I realize that if I do not use my knowledge into practice, I will lose it easily. So, in this class of presiding, I hope I can apply what I have learned into practicum. I have borrowed some books to review again my understanding of the Eucharist, such as the Origins of the Eucharistic Prayer and the Eucharistic Prayers of the Roman Rite by Enrico Mazza. At the same way I will learn again the book of RCIA, the rite for infant baptism, the marriage rite, the funeral rite, the rite of anointing and the rites of reconciliation, which some I have learned and some are new to learn.
In the Public Communication Skills I know my weaknesses and my strengths. Basically, I am a shy person but I can practice to say confidently in the public if I know exactly what I want to say. I like to read poetry in the public with all passion I have. It is a talent that I have since I was in the primary school. Once I participated in a contest of reading poetry and I got the second nomination. I feel that I have a good and mellow voice when I am speaking. It makes me confident to speak especially through the microphone. Speaking in English for me is a pleasure that I have been learning since in junior high school. I like to tape my voice in speaking English even though I realize that I am not a native speaker of English. I have my own accent and my weakness to pronounce some words incorrectly. In order to be better in this area, then I have to practice more and more and do this presiding assignment especially in the Eucharist and Confession with slow, clear and sure speaking. If I feel comfortable with my audience and myself, I can speak easily before them even though in some degree I still have little bit nervous. I think to do practice of the Eucharist in daily basis, I can handle this assignment so that on due time I feel enough comfort to tape it with participation of my Xaverian confreres in our chapel.
In the area of interpersonal instincts/skills I assess that I have enough empathy and easy to accept others in whatever their situation even though normally I have quiet attitude toward others. I can easily share my experience and feeling to others and enough patience to listen to others attentively. It is evident in my experience dealing with various kinds of patients at the Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) last summer 2006 at Alexian Brothers Medical Center. I feel comfortable to talk about myself to others and I always try to make balance talking about others and myself. Mutual interactive is always part of my effort to make the conversation flowing but sometimes I do not have many ideas to talk more.
In the area of embodiment I feel comfortable with my body and posture. It is my pleasure and ease to wear formal vesture in the Mass and other liturgical events. It is my dream to have it since I was teenager. Singing in the Mass that I have known well how to sing it is also my dream especially in the preface sang by the presider that nearly comes true on due time.
In term of prayer/reverence I like the prayer and formal prayer of the church. It is easy for me to read prayer that is already written but rather difficult to say prayer with my own words that need creativity. In practicing this spontaneous prayer I have experience when I did the CPE last summer in which, I, eventually, have a manner to utter my prayer before the patient based on my experience and heart and the situation of the patient. I believe that presiding liturgy in the Church requires mature preparation and practice that is long life process depending on the diverse situations. I have intention to know beforehand the things that I need to say in the prayer so that on due time I can do it confidently. It is amazing to see a priest, who says the prayer in the Eucharist with his full spirit and awareness. I like to imitate such priest but in reality there is few priest doing so. I often see priests say the Mass mechanically like a robot. It is my dream and idea that I should be attentive and aware of words I utter in the Mass. I know that I also have tendency to memorize the prayer and say it automatically. It is evident when I say the Lord’s Prayer I never think the meaning of the words any more.
All in all my theology of presiding is built upon my understanding of becoming a minister among the faithful (because I am coming from the ordinary faithful) and the examples both good and bad of other presiders. I learn of others’ style as well as my good and bad experience that shape my style of presiding. To be attentive toward the congregation is the important point to be a good presider. It can be realized in the gesture, communication skill and eye contact to them. The congregation will easily know when I say prayer in mechanic way without mean it heartily. To be humble and authentic before God and the congregation is a key point to be presider because I am a human being that can be wrong and make mistake both conscious and unconsciously. In the practicing this skill I should learn of my mistake and to be confident with my skill and talent that need to be practiced. It is not for me but for the faithful I minister for the glory of God. I do believe if I do the presiding in a good manner it will create a good impression of the faithful in their faith not to me but to the way they are praying toward God. I am only a servant who does the things should I do for the goodness of others.
Monday, October 03, 2005.
I attended the Amos class then at the library did some readings. From 1 p.m. till 3.45 p.m. I had presiding class in which we practiced the first part of presiding the Eucharist. In doing it, we realized that each and every one of us did mistake and felt nervous. Knowing this reality, I have conviction that I have to practice it in daily basis in my own room or chapel before acting on the due time this month. I have to submit a tape, a videocassette to my professor, Father Fragomeni, about presiding a Mass, a weekday Mass this month. At 2 p.m. we had a break to participate with other students, faculty and employees of CTU in ceremony putting a piece of construction that had been signed by many in the new building. At 2.40 p.m. we continued the presiding class with practicing the presiding of the Mass at the chapel, the 6th floor. At 5 p.m. in the community we did lectio divina led by Pascal Atumisi. From 7.15 p.m. to 8.45 p.m. I had colloquium (personal formation) with my formator/rector, Father Rocco. It is a time that I have been waiting for in two months after coming back from the CPE last summer.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005.
The whole morning plus afternoon I spent my time to read some articles for my integrating class. At 10 a.m. Father Rocco headed for Rome, Italy to attend the meeting of theology rectors of the Xaverians. In the evening I attended the class of integrating core (EMP) taught by Dawn Notwehr.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005.
In the morning I got a phone call from Juli, my penpal who is already in New York City. She is a choicer from Jakarta whom I know from e-mail. So, I never met her before. It’s once again the miracle of media Internet in this postmodern age. I refer her to my friend in NYC, Frans Slamet. I attended the Amos class in the morning and made photocopy for my EMP class at the library. At the registration office I took the graduation packet for May 18, 2006, for my M.Div degree. I have planned it since last year to graduate of M.Div in May 2006. Before noon I practiced to preside the Mass at the chapel. I am going to do it in daily basis by myself. After having rest in the afternoon, I did type the first paper of Presiding class, with the topic Toward a Theology of Presiding. I continued to type it again after the supper.
Thursday, October 06, 2005.
In the morning I attended Inculturation and Dialogue class and before noon at the chapel I was practicing the presiding of the Eucharist. I cooked Lasagna for CTU community gathering this evening. After the Holy Hour we as community went to CTU for the CTU community gathering.
Friday, October 07, 2005.
Today the weather is little bit cold. I practiced the Eucharistic presiding at the chapel and did laundry. In the afternoon I practiced the confession and the Mass with Valery as my presiding class requires doing it. In the breakfast, I was sharing my idea to Father Pascal about my feeling of lack of pastoral year experience as a Xaverian. I think I never had an experience working at a parish fully immersed as my other colleagues did. It came up I guess because my M.Div studies at CTU is going to finish soon, some 7 more months. Sometimes I feel lazy to do study and do start typing my paper. In the last 8 years I have been studying both in Indonesia and the U.S.A. I feel tired of this study. I need a break. I have intention to take pastoral year after graduating the M.Div next May 2006 in doing deaconate year. It’s just sudden thinking that I should consult to my superior both my spiritual director and formator. Sometimes I think it’s good way to return to Indonesia doing deaconate year in order to know more about my own province, the Xaverian ministry in Indonesia. I am jealous with my Xaverian friends who have this rich experience to be fully immersed at one of the parishes of the Xaverians in Indonesia. Basically I am open to wherever site I am going to work as a deacon. My aspiration is to be away of CTU, the academic study and work fully in a parish as my pastoral experience as a deacon. Is it becoming realized next year? We will see then. It is coming soon what is going to happen since May 2006 is close to my destiny.
Saturday, October 08, 2005.
After working at the kitchen and the first floor, I headed for public library borrowing and returning some 6 DVD’s then Chinatown. There’s parade on the street and bazaar at Saint Therese School. At 3 p.m. I returned home by CTA bus and train.
Sunday, October 09, 2005.
At 8.15 a.m. together with Valery I went to Saint Therese Church in Chinatown. With Cesare, a Jesuit student, I was serving at the Mass presided by Father Michael at 9.30 a.m. Soon after the Mass, Cesare and I were teaching the confirmation kids. There were 4 fellows coming today in spite of Marathon on the street. They are Naomi, Brittany, Alison and Alex. After having lunch at the rectory, I met Cesare to talk about the program next week. We went home to Hyde Park at 1.30 p.m. In the evening after supper, I did practice the sacrament of reconciliation with Valery and Father Victor as my professor of presiding, Father Richard Fragomeni required last week.
Denny Wahyudi, SX
Presiding (W 4202-1)
October 10, 2005
TOWARD A THEOLOGY OF PRESIDING
I was baptized in the Catholic Church at 16 years old by an Italian Vincentian priest, Sebastiano Fornasari, c.m. in my hometown, Madiun, Indonesia. I still remember on that day, December 24, 1990 in which my grandmother and both of my younger brothers were present as witnesses. This important moment in my life, to be born again in God’s love through the Catholic Church was documented in a picture that I always bring with me. On this picture I can see that the water of Baptism was running down on my forehead. Afterward I was interested in the way of life of priest as I saw in the Mass. I was impressed a lot when a priest presiding the Eucharist, wearing colorful chasuble, singing and preaching to the congregation. At that time I did not know what priest is all about. So far I knew that a priest is the one who presides the Mass and has privilege to consume big host and wine in the Mass. When I was in the Catholic primary school, I ever questioned: why only the priest who can drink wine in the Eucharist. I thought that he is very selfish, does not want to share it with others. On my Baptism day, I had privilege to have communion both the wine, the Blood of Christ and the host, the Body of Christ that gave me experience tasting the wine. As I served as an altar server on daily Masses every morning at 5.20 a.m. at the parish of my hometown, Saint Cornelius, I came to know closer how the priests celebrate the Mass. Apparently, this led me to have an idea to become a priest. I was curious to know more about the education of the priest in the seminary and I got a lot of information from various congregations in Indonesia whom I had correspondence with including the Xaverian Missionaries. Since my mind, idea, and spirit were devoted so much to the figure of a priest, I put white paper on my pictures as if it is a chasuble and cassock. I was very proud of myself and projected myself toward future. Beside that near before I graduated of high school, I taped my voice in praying the Eucharistic Prayer and shared them to my close friends as memory of me. At that time I liked to sing and preside the Mass as I dreamed to become a priest. Unfortunately, I did not enter a seminary after graduating of high school because my family especially my father was very upset if I became a priest. I could understand his opinion because he is not a Catholic.
Reflecting back on this life story I have small seed of vocation toward priesthood that eventually I answered and followed up by entering the Xaverian Missionaries in Jakarta, Indonesia after working for three years as soon as I graduated of high school. It has been 9 years since I joined the Xaverians, my spirit and enthusiasm to continue this journey are still strong and I am thinking that it is a matter of time that I am able to practice appropriately the Eucharistic presiding and other sacraments. On this class of presiding that I have been long for, my dream comes true to celebrate and preside the Mass. It is always my pleasure that I can wear an alb and a chasuble, and hold a host and a chalice. My proud, happy and joy feeling on this step of my formation are still the same I had when I was in the high school. In my reflection assessing my capacity on presiding, I come to realize that I am not a perfect man who is able to do the presiding without defects. As I see on many dimensions of myself, I should focus on practicing some areas that I need to know more intellectually and some areas/skills that I should have as I practice more and more in order to master it. All of these criteria I am going to spell out as follows.
In effective presiding I should keep in mind that it requires some various factors, namely, liturgical knowledge, communication skills, ritual embodiment, personal reverence and public ease (as given by the professor, Father Fragomeni).
In the liturgical knowledge, it seems to me that I have been studying academically Sacraments I (Initiation) and Sacrament II (Sacramental Theology) last year. In fact, I have short memory to recall all what I have done in reading and assignment. What I have to do now is to open again my note and books that support my understanding and knowledge of the liturgy especially for the Eucharist and the Initiation. I realize that if I do not use my knowledge into practice, I will lose it easily. So, in this class of presiding, I hope I can apply what I have learned into practicum. I have borrowed some books to review again my understanding of the Eucharist, such as the Origins of the Eucharistic Prayer and the Eucharistic Prayers of the Roman Rite by Enrico Mazza. At the same way I will learn again the book of RCIA, the rite for infant baptism, the marriage rite, the funeral rite, the rite of anointing and the rites of reconciliation, which some I have learned and some are new to learn.
In the Public Communication Skills I know my weaknesses and my strengths. Basically, I am a shy person but I can practice to say confidently in the public if I know exactly what I want to say. I like to read poetry in the public with all passion I have. It is a talent that I have since I was in the primary school. Once I participated in a contest of reading poetry and I got the second nomination. I feel that I have a good and mellow voice when I am speaking. It makes me confident to speak especially through the microphone. Speaking in English for me is a pleasure that I have been learning since in junior high school. I like to tape my voice in speaking English even though I realize that I am not a native speaker of English. I have my own accent and my weakness to pronounce some words incorrectly. In order to be better in this area, then I have to practice more and more and do this presiding assignment especially in the Eucharist and Confession with slow, clear and sure speaking. If I feel comfortable with my audience and myself, I can speak easily before them even though in some degree I still have little bit nervous. I think to do practice of the Eucharist in daily basis, I can handle this assignment so that on due time I feel enough comfort to tape it with participation of my Xaverian confreres in our chapel.
In the area of interpersonal instincts/skills I assess that I have enough empathy and easy to accept others in whatever their situation even though normally I have quiet attitude toward others. I can easily share my experience and feeling to others and enough patience to listen to others attentively. It is evident in my experience dealing with various kinds of patients at the Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) last summer 2006 at Alexian Brothers Medical Center. I feel comfortable to talk about myself to others and I always try to make balance talking about others and myself. Mutual interactive is always part of my effort to make the conversation flowing but sometimes I do not have many ideas to talk more.
In the area of embodiment I feel comfortable with my body and posture. It is my pleasure and ease to wear formal vesture in the Mass and other liturgical events. It is my dream to have it since I was teenager. Singing in the Mass that I have known well how to sing it is also my dream especially in the preface sang by the presider that nearly comes true on due time.
In term of prayer/reverence I like the prayer and formal prayer of the church. It is easy for me to read prayer that is already written but rather difficult to say prayer with my own words that need creativity. In practicing this spontaneous prayer I have experience when I did the CPE last summer in which, I, eventually, have a manner to utter my prayer before the patient based on my experience and heart and the situation of the patient. I believe that presiding liturgy in the Church requires mature preparation and practice that is long life process depending on the diverse situations. I have intention to know beforehand the things that I need to say in the prayer so that on due time I can do it confidently. It is amazing to see a priest, who says the prayer in the Eucharist with his full spirit and awareness. I like to imitate such priest but in reality there is few priest doing so. I often see priests say the Mass mechanically like a robot. It is my dream and idea that I should be attentive and aware of words I utter in the Mass. I know that I also have tendency to memorize the prayer and say it automatically. It is evident when I say the Lord’s Prayer I never think the meaning of the words any more.
All in all my theology of presiding is built upon my understanding of becoming a minister among the faithful (because I am coming from the ordinary faithful) and the examples both good and bad of other presiders. I learn of others’ style as well as my good and bad experience that shape my style of presiding. To be attentive toward the congregation is the important point to be a good presider. It can be realized in the gesture, communication skill and eye contact to them. The congregation will easily know when I say prayer in mechanic way without mean it heartily. To be humble and authentic before God and the congregation is a key point to be presider because I am a human being that can be wrong and make mistake both conscious and unconsciously. In the practicing this skill I should learn of my mistake and to be confident with my skill and talent that need to be practiced. It is not for me but for the faithful I minister for the glory of God. I do believe if I do the presiding in a good manner it will create a good impression of the faithful in their faith not to me but to the way they are praying toward God. I am only a servant who does the things should I do for the goodness of others.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
1st letter of October 2005
1) 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time, October 02, 2005
Monday, September 26, 2005.
In the morning I attended the class of Amos then I met the director of M.Div program at CTU, Sister Barbara Bowe, rscj. I asked whether I needed to take a course at other school of theology. After she checked out my list she told me that it’s not necessarily I take a course at other school since I just have two more courses to finish my M.Div program for next semester, namely one ethic plus one integrating core. It’s great, so I am not worried again about it. At the library I was reading and made photocopy of the presiding class article while the presiding class started lately, at 2.15 p.m. because the professor, Father Fragomeni had to go to a dentist. In the presiding class once again the professor asked two students to play role in the confession after he gave us a quiz about the structure of the sacrament of reconciliation. At 5 p.m. Father Rocco led us the lectio divina and Harno cooked spaghetti for our supper.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005.
The whole morning I spent my time to read a lot of reading assignments of one integrating core in social justice taught by Dawn Notwehr, osf. I read them on the moodle, the CTU website. In the evening I attended the class of this integrating core.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005.
I attended the class of Amos in the morning, 8.30 a.m. to 9.45 a.m. then borrowed a book of Barbara Bowe about Biblical Spirituality. I went to Coop Market to buy my favorite food, papaya that good for my digestion. In the evening I was practicing the presiding course especially choosing an alb at the sacristy for me for next Monday class, plus trying a chasuble. It reminds me when I was at 1st grade of High School, I was interested becoming a priest then I put my pictures with white alb and chasuble. I felt very happy to see my own picture wearing an alb and chasuble. What a dream at that time.
Thursday, September 29, 2005.
In the morning I attended the class of Inculturation and Dialogue by Edmund Chia. We had discussion and sharing in the small group about our stories experiencing our own inculturation and dialogue. At 5 p.m. Francois led us the holy hour and Harno cooked again for our supper.
Friday, September 30, 2005.
I went to CTU to attend a workshop for CPE aftermath. We’re 8 students sharing our stories moderated by Father Roger Schroeder, svd from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. It’s nothing new for me but because it’s the must program that I had to attend so there’s no other choice. At least I have done with my immersion course at CTU so that I can graduate of M.Div next year, in May 18, 2006. At 4.30 p.m. Ignas took me and Valery to Saint Therese church then Father Michael invited us to an interreligious dialogue at a Catholic parish at Skokie. I was expecting to come to a Buddhist temple to have this dialogue but there were only 8 people coming talking various things about our experiences. It’s an agenda of interreligious dialogue held by Archdiocese of Chicago. Most of them are Catholics and only one Buddhist monk whom I don’t know because I thought he’s a Catholic priest as well. He wore black clothes. At 10.15 p.m. Father Michael took us home at Hyde Park.
Saturday, October 01, 2005.
Today in Indonesia the oil price is increasing 125%. The gasoline becomes Rp 4,500 (45 cents), before it’s only Rp 2,500 (25 cents), while I heard there’s bomb attack again in Bali after three years ago happened tragically. IN the morning as community we worked to clean our house in Hyde Park. I cleaned up the first floor and the dining room. At the chapel Harno took me pictures wearing alb and chasuble as he suggested me. At noon, we, four of us (Alejandro, Dharmawan, Ignas and Harno) went to Saint Therese Church basement to celebrate the first year birthday of Leonard, the first son of Darwin-Astrid. There were about 25 people coming to this celebration. At 4.45 p.m. I went home at Hyde Park. After supper, I transferred my newest pictures on the computer and the shutterfly.com and shared to my penpals.
Sunday, October 02, 2005.
In the morning at 8 a.m. Harno, Valery and I went to Saint Therese Chinatown by CTA bus no.6 and train, the red line. We attended the Cantonese Mass at 9.30 a.m. presided by Father Tim. Together with two Jesuit students, Cesari and Vincent (a Vietnamese), I served at the altar in giving communion to the faithful. Started today the CCD/Sunday school began at Saint Therese parish. Together with Cesari, the Jesuit student, I was teaching the confirmation program. There’re three children coming, namely, Naomi (8th grader), Priscilla (7th grader) and Alex (7th grader). There should be 5 or 6 students. The class started at 11 a.m. till noon, so I didn’t attend the Indonesian Mass today at the church. In the rectory I had mutual conversation with Father Michael. At 6 p.m. Rina, Budi and Father Jack, c.m. gave me a ride at the public library downtown. I borrowed some 6 DVD’s then I went home at Hyde Park. After the evening prayer and supper, I am typing this journal.
In the beginning of this week the weather was bit colder and today is warmer again.
Monday, September 26, 2005.
In the morning I attended the class of Amos then I met the director of M.Div program at CTU, Sister Barbara Bowe, rscj. I asked whether I needed to take a course at other school of theology. After she checked out my list she told me that it’s not necessarily I take a course at other school since I just have two more courses to finish my M.Div program for next semester, namely one ethic plus one integrating core. It’s great, so I am not worried again about it. At the library I was reading and made photocopy of the presiding class article while the presiding class started lately, at 2.15 p.m. because the professor, Father Fragomeni had to go to a dentist. In the presiding class once again the professor asked two students to play role in the confession after he gave us a quiz about the structure of the sacrament of reconciliation. At 5 p.m. Father Rocco led us the lectio divina and Harno cooked spaghetti for our supper.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005.
The whole morning I spent my time to read a lot of reading assignments of one integrating core in social justice taught by Dawn Notwehr, osf. I read them on the moodle, the CTU website. In the evening I attended the class of this integrating core.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005.
I attended the class of Amos in the morning, 8.30 a.m. to 9.45 a.m. then borrowed a book of Barbara Bowe about Biblical Spirituality. I went to Coop Market to buy my favorite food, papaya that good for my digestion. In the evening I was practicing the presiding course especially choosing an alb at the sacristy for me for next Monday class, plus trying a chasuble. It reminds me when I was at 1st grade of High School, I was interested becoming a priest then I put my pictures with white alb and chasuble. I felt very happy to see my own picture wearing an alb and chasuble. What a dream at that time.
Thursday, September 29, 2005.
In the morning I attended the class of Inculturation and Dialogue by Edmund Chia. We had discussion and sharing in the small group about our stories experiencing our own inculturation and dialogue. At 5 p.m. Francois led us the holy hour and Harno cooked again for our supper.
Friday, September 30, 2005.
I went to CTU to attend a workshop for CPE aftermath. We’re 8 students sharing our stories moderated by Father Roger Schroeder, svd from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. It’s nothing new for me but because it’s the must program that I had to attend so there’s no other choice. At least I have done with my immersion course at CTU so that I can graduate of M.Div next year, in May 18, 2006. At 4.30 p.m. Ignas took me and Valery to Saint Therese church then Father Michael invited us to an interreligious dialogue at a Catholic parish at Skokie. I was expecting to come to a Buddhist temple to have this dialogue but there were only 8 people coming talking various things about our experiences. It’s an agenda of interreligious dialogue held by Archdiocese of Chicago. Most of them are Catholics and only one Buddhist monk whom I don’t know because I thought he’s a Catholic priest as well. He wore black clothes. At 10.15 p.m. Father Michael took us home at Hyde Park.
Saturday, October 01, 2005.
Today in Indonesia the oil price is increasing 125%. The gasoline becomes Rp 4,500 (45 cents), before it’s only Rp 2,500 (25 cents), while I heard there’s bomb attack again in Bali after three years ago happened tragically. IN the morning as community we worked to clean our house in Hyde Park. I cleaned up the first floor and the dining room. At the chapel Harno took me pictures wearing alb and chasuble as he suggested me. At noon, we, four of us (Alejandro, Dharmawan, Ignas and Harno) went to Saint Therese Church basement to celebrate the first year birthday of Leonard, the first son of Darwin-Astrid. There were about 25 people coming to this celebration. At 4.45 p.m. I went home at Hyde Park. After supper, I transferred my newest pictures on the computer and the shutterfly.com and shared to my penpals.
Sunday, October 02, 2005.
In the morning at 8 a.m. Harno, Valery and I went to Saint Therese Chinatown by CTA bus no.6 and train, the red line. We attended the Cantonese Mass at 9.30 a.m. presided by Father Tim. Together with two Jesuit students, Cesari and Vincent (a Vietnamese), I served at the altar in giving communion to the faithful. Started today the CCD/Sunday school began at Saint Therese parish. Together with Cesari, the Jesuit student, I was teaching the confirmation program. There’re three children coming, namely, Naomi (8th grader), Priscilla (7th grader) and Alex (7th grader). There should be 5 or 6 students. The class started at 11 a.m. till noon, so I didn’t attend the Indonesian Mass today at the church. In the rectory I had mutual conversation with Father Michael. At 6 p.m. Rina, Budi and Father Jack, c.m. gave me a ride at the public library downtown. I borrowed some 6 DVD’s then I went home at Hyde Park. After the evening prayer and supper, I am typing this journal.
In the beginning of this week the weather was bit colder and today is warmer again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)