5) The Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ, May 29, 2005
Friday, 20 May 2005
ORLANDO VACATION (1st Day)
At 11 a.m. Alejandro and Petrus dropped me off to Midway airport in Chicago and I flew by Southwest to MCO-Orlando in Florida. I got the on-line ticketless two months ago and it's really cheap, only $ 125 roundtrip. As usual getting in the airport, I have to go through tight security checking. Interesting to experience flying by Southwest airlines because the system is unique especially to get in to cabin since I had checked-in via Internet very early in the middle of the night, I got group A, which has privilege to enter the cabin first and choose a seat whatever I want. The employees of the airlines are wearing casual clothes, no uniformity at all, particularly the stewardesses. The flight number 2053 from Chicago to Orlando started sharp on time at 1.15 p.m. and we arrived earlier 10 minutes than the due time. It's about 2 hours and 45 minutes. I arrived at MCO Orlando airport at 5 p.m. at local time and I had to wait about 35 minutes and finally Cik Ana picked me up by her 91's Mercedes Benz. I was accepted very well by this Indonesian family. I never met her before but it seems that they are familiar to me since I know very well her father in Indonesia. We went directly to her house which they just occupied two weeks ago. It's a new house in a real estate of Kissimmee, southern Orlando. At the house I met Koh Siok Gin, her husband from Solo, Indonesia. Cik Ana is originally from Madiun, my hometown. They have been living in the USA since early 1980's and most of their time in Fresno, California. They just moved away to Florida this year. We talked to in Indonesian and they are speaking fluently with bold Javanese accent in our local language but I am more comfortable speaking in Indonesian since I respect them as older brother and sister. In lowest Javanese language it seems to me is proper for my level age or very closed friend but since they are older and I just met them, so most of the time I speak in Indonesian, even though they are speaking Javanese with Chinese descent accent as usual I have in my own family in Indonesia. It's my mother language, though, that I speak with my father and siblings.
The house is pretty clean, new and beautiful. In the evening they planted some plants in front of the house and behind of the house there is a small lake and seems some other houses are in the process of finishing. The weather in Orlando is very warm, about 80's degrees Fahrenheit. Koh Siok Gin and Cik Ana are such persons who like to accept others openly, so I feel at home at their house. They told me that I'm the first guest of their new house....They are talkative, so I am driven to talk much as well even though I told them that basically I'm a quiet person. Meeting with people from my own area and eating the same food like in Indonesia, led me to feel such as I am coming home in Indonesia. They are Catholic and only have one daughter, Arlen who studies in a college in California. Actually, I ever met her when she lived and studied at High School in Sang Timur, close to MBK church in Jakarta for two years. At that time, I visited Om Tjin Ting, Cik Ana's father and I saw Arlen also stayed there. It's about 1997 in the early years of my pre-novitiate and novitiate in the Xaverians, Jakarta. So, practically, Ana and Gin live by themselves and they know some Indonesian family around this area. Even, one family whom they know is a family of Rita Padawangi. Pak Ben Oei is Rita's uncle. Gin works at Hilton Hotel in Orlando and Ana works at Walt Disney. At night we had supper at this house, Indonesian and Chinese food, leftover that they were so delicious to my appetite. They allow me to use this computer and Internet, so I still keep touch with some penpals via e-mail and keep writing my weekly journal.
Overall, I enjoy my first day my visit to this family and my summer vacation. I'm grateful to God and to this family who have accepted me so kindly.
Saturday, 21 May 2005
KISSIMMEE - ORLANDO (the 2nd Day)
After sleeping restfully at night, my first night in Florida, even though bit tired I woke up early in the morning as the alarm clock was ringing at 5.15 a.m. and it's still dark outside. At 6.30 a.m. the dawn is already appeared and the light of the street I saw through the window in the room I stay, was off. Cik Ana offered me toast bread and Koh Gin has already made a cup of coffee for me. At 7 a.m. with Ana, I went to J.W. Marriot Hotel in which she applied a job. While I was waiting for her in an interview, I could say my morning breviary prayer, sitting at a bench at the aisle where I saw many employees coming and going through and most of them uttering "Good Morning" to me. It's so different with Chicago, here people like to say greeting to others even though we don't know each other. At least, it is my own experience so far. After a while, Cik Ana came out and she's accepted to this job. She took me home at "Little Creek" and staying this whole morning at this house and trying to reflect on my yesterday experience and jotting down on this computer through journal provided by multiply.com. Being alone at this house, I am just relax and writing and writing this journal....just enjoy this great vacation while Gin and Ana work on this Saturday till evening. On the way home this morning, we stopped by a Catholic Church, named, Holy Cross and saw the Mass schedule for tomorrow, Sunday.
Sunday, 22 May 2005
This morning Cik Ana and I attended Sunday Mass at 7.30 at the Lady of Mary the Queen of universe, close to EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow). It’s a beautiful church built for tourists who visit Walt Disney, as I share my pictures. What I often heard during the Mass, the priest who presided the Mass always saying, “As generous as you can, please donate your money…for the maintenance of this wonderful shrine.” The whole day I was here enjoying a lot of attractions this place offers. As I see at the first glance, the majority of people who are coming to this pleasure place are Caucasians from all over the world, children, young couple and teenagers. Many things I experienced are great, but I felt that this kind of gladness and amazement I just experienced by myself. In order to share this kind of great place, I took some pictures that depict my journey to this expensive and the only place in this planet. Through my pictures, on this special journal I share my pictures plus comments as follows:
Monday, May 23, 2005.
This morning Cik Ana took me to Magic Kingdom and she went to work at Typhoon Lagoon. I spent this day until night at this place and once again Cik Ana found me at night after she finished her work. We watched parade in front of the castle of Cinderella. I think this Magic Kingdom is the biggest place compared to other parks because we have to reach to this place either by ship or monorail. Before we went home, we ate supper at late night at McDonald and arrived home almost midnight.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005.
Once again today I spent my whole day at a park, named MGM Studio and at night almost 9 p.m. Cik Anna found me at Fantasmic attraction, firework and laser performance with fountain plus parade. At night we had supper at Taco Bell.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005.
Since I felt fed up and bit tired experiencing three consecutive days visiting three different parks at Walt Disney, I decided not to go to any other parks, instead I just followed Cik Anna to Milenia Mall, flee market shopping souvenirs, and downtown Disney. In the evening we met Koh Gin after he worked at New China Buffet to have supper together. Today we went home earlier after shopping at Walt Mart just opened.
Thursday, May 26, 2005.
This day, I just stayed at home, relaxing, cleaning the house to prepare prayer for blessing the home this evening and taking care of my own clothes (laundry) plus transferring pictures I took when I visited three parks by the digital camera of Koh Gin. At 8.30 p.m. I led the prayer of home blessing at this house. Pak Ben and his wife, Ignasia, were coming as witnesses. Since this month, May, is month of Mary, so I offered them to watch VCD about shrines of Mary in Indonesia especially in Java and Sumatera Islands, about 30 minutes and we continued with supper. It lasted till midnight. Then, I did check-in my flight via Internet of Koh Siok Gin, Southwest Airlines to get boarding pass for tomorrow morning.
Friday, May 27, 2005.
At 8.15 a.m. Cik Anna took me to MCO airport. I departed from Orlando at 10.20 a.m. by Southwest, flight number 2956. I arrived in Chicago at noon and took CTA bus no. 55 and arrived home at Hyde Park at 1.45 p.m. while I saw Ignatius was cutting the grass in front of our house. The weather in Chicago was so nice, not too hot like in Orlando or Kissimmee. The flight was about 2.5 hours and I had chance to take pictures in the air and when it was landing. In the afternoon and night I transferred my pictures to computer and Internet, sent them via shutterfly.com.
Saturday, May 28, 2005.
In the morning at 10 o’clock, my classmate at the Xaverians, named Chuy left for Mexico. So, now I am left by both of Mexican classmates who were together with me studying English in Milwaukee and Chuy also studied for two years in Chicago. I received all of this experience, being left alone by my classmates and to see this journey as a mystery and I just surrender to God’s hands. Whatever one decides, I believe that God always loves and accompanies all of us regardless our status or our vocation.
In the afternoon at 3 p.m. we attended priesthood ordination of eight SVD students at Techny-Illinois. There are two Indonesians, Father Sonny and Francis. Sonny will go to his mission in Angola-Africa and Francis to Hungary. There were a lot of Indonesians coming to this solemn celebration presided by Archbishop of Milwaukee, Timothy Dolan. We took pictures with both newly ordained priests and had hospitality at the cafeteria, at the basement, plus music and dance of Indonesian friends here after most other people left this place. I met a Holy Spirit Sister from Indonesia (SSpS) who knows Maryono in Mexico City. She is Sister Magdalene, studying English for one year in the USA. Together with Harno, Mas Renus and Mbak Sari plus their son, Nevan, took us to our home at Hyde Park and they stayed overnight at our theology house, as we had already planned last month. Again I transferred my pictures to shutterfly.com.
Sunday, May 29, 2005.
At noon at Saint Therese Church in Chinatown, we celebrated a big celebration, the first Mass of Father Sonny and Francis, SVD’s. There were 7 other SVD priests took part at this Mass, and 6 of them are Indonesians who work in the USA as missionaries. I think all of them from Flores Island where the majority are Catholics. The preacher of this Mass was an Afro-American priest, Father Charles from Indiana. Deacon Petrus, SX also took part at this Mass as well as I was asked to serve as the only altar server. We continued the hospitality at the basement with special food prepared by Ibu Imelda Palmas and others. At the end of the lunch, spontaneously, I was asked to read poems written by Ibu Imelda Palmas. Without preparation and with confidence I tried my best to proclaim this message and fortunately, I did well as some friends tore their tears down. Usually, I get nervous when I speak in front of audience but at that time, nothing I felt negatively, just being myself and expressed my hidden talent that I used to cultivate in my junior high school (competition of reading poetry) and high school taking part of theater/play.
At 6.15 p.m. at our chapel, Petrus led the evening prayer together with our guests from Saint Therese plus three other Indonesian friends. We continued this farewell gathering for Petrus with supper. This is the last night of Petrus after living in the USA five years studying English and theology at CTU and tomorrow he will return to his own home country, Indonesia to continue his journey as deacon and priest in the Xaverian Missionaries Congregation. As usual, I put my pictures again at shutterfly.com.
Monday, May 30, 2005.
Today is the national holiday in the USA, the Memorial Day. After Mass at 6.30 a.m. and breakfast, at 8 a.m. we accompanied Petrus and Ignas to O’Hare aiport. They departed to Indonesia at 11.35 by Japan Airlines and they will arrive in Jakarta on Wednesday, June 1, 2005 at 5 p.m. Ignas will return to Chicago in the middle of August 2005 to continue his theology studies. Good luck Petrus…see you next week, when you will be ordained priest, and I will be witnessing you in Indonesia, hopefully, as I plan to go for vacation next year in June-August 2006. Keep in touch with me…..my greetings to all there….
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Friday, May 20, 2005
surat ke-4 bulan Mei 2005
4) The Most Holy Trinity, May 22, 2005
Monday, May 16, 2005. This morning I did finishing my final paper of Gittin’s class (Recent Development of Mission Theology) and I submitted at noon. With this, I am done for all requirements of this spring semester at CTU and I am looking forward their results plus summer CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) at Alexian Brothers Hospital.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005. From 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. I spent my time at downtown Chicago, enjoying the warm day and taking pictures that I share via shutterfly.com. On the way to go home in the CTA bus, coincidentally I met two of my CTU’s classmates, namely, Baozhu, svd (from mainland China) and Norma, a Maryknoll novice (from El Salvador). Coming back home, I felt dizzy then after having supper, I took medicine (aspirin) then went to bed directly.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005. In the morning I cleaned up: my room, second floor, my bathroom, and the basement. In the afternoon I cooked for my community: beef soup (rawon) and rice plus crackers. At 4.30 p.m. I attended closing Mass at CTU which was presided by Father Robin Ryan, CP and the woman preacher, Angela Swain.
Thursday, May 19, 2005. This morning while I was recording Petrus’ deaconate ordination from handycam to VHS tape, I was typing some letters for my confreres and friends in Indonesia. At noon, Petrus cooked fried rice for us then Dharmawan plus Ignas made melon juice. For supper, I cooked for the community: Lasagna and Pizza.
After supper, I went to synagogue to attend Petrus’ graduation of CTU for his M.Div program. There were about 103 other graduates of various degrees such as M.Div, MA, MAPS and D.Min. I took some pictures and had posted it on my shutterfly.com. There were three former Xaverian students who graduated also: Adrian, Victor and Alexis. The 37th graduation of CTU lasted for two hours, at 9.45 p.m. and ended up at hall of the KAM Isaiah synagogue with some refreshment. At night I did laundry of my clothes, transferred 40 pictures of Petrus’ graduation and on-line check in through Southwest airline for my departure on Friday, May 20 to Orlando.
Friday, May 20, 2005. In the morning Mass, Petrus shared his reflection as he graduated of CTU yesterday. Today I am going to go to vacation for one week to Orlando, to visit my friend who live in Kissimmee (Florida), namely Cik Anna and Koh Siok Gin. My flight is Southwest number 2053 from Midway airport (1.15 p.m.) to Orlando then my return flight to Chicago number 2956 on Friday, 27 May (arrive at 11.55 a.m.) I will return to Chicago on Friday, 27 May at noon. It’s the reason I send this journal earlier than the usual time. See you next week…..
Saturday, May 21, 2005.
Sunday, May 22, 2005.
4) Hari Minggu Tri Tunggal Maha Kudus, 22 Mei 2005
Senin, 16 Mei 2005. Pagi ini saya menyelesaikan paper terakhir saya untuk kuliahnya Gittin (Recent Development of Mission Theology) lalu saya serahkan di ruang kantornya siang hari. Dengan ini, maka saya telah menyelesaikan semua paper dan tugas kuliah semester musim semi 2005 ini dan saya menunggu hasilnya juga menunggu pula saat matakuliah CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) di Alexian Brothers Hospital (6 Juni-19 Agustus 2005).
Selasa, 17 Mei 2005. Saya gunakan waktu saya di downtown Chicago, menikmati hangatnya hari ini dan mengambil photo-photo dengan pemandangan downtown Chicago yang saya juga kirimkan lewat shutterfly.com kepada para sahabat. Dalam perjalanan pulang ke rumah di dalam bis CTA saya bertemu dua teman kuliah saya di CTU yaitu: Baozhu, svd (dari daratan China) dan Norma, seorang suster novis Maryknoll (dari El Salvador). Kembali ke rumah, saya merasa pusing sekali, lalu setelah makan malam saya langsung makan obat (aspirin) dan tidur cepat.
Rabu, 18 Mei 2005. Pagi ini saya membersihkan: ruang kamarku sendiri, lantai dua, kamar mandi saya sendiri, dan ruang basement. Di sore hari saya memasak untuk komunitasku di sini: rawon, kerupuk dan nasi. Pukul 4.30 sore saya menghadiri misa penutupan untuk kuliah tahun ajaran 2004-2005 di CTU yang dipimpin oleh Pastor Robin Ryan, CP dan pengkhotbah perempuan bernama Angela Swain.
Kamis, 19 Mei 2005. Pagi ini sementara saya merekam kembali tahbisan diakonat Petrus dari handycam ke kaset VHS, saya mengetik beberapa surat untuk para sesama saudara Xaverian di Indonesia serta para sahabat lain. Di siang hari, Petrus memasak untuk kita, nasi goreng dan Dharmawan serta Ignas membuat es juice melon. Untuk makan malam, saya memasak untuk komunitas Lasagna dan Pizza (tinggal masukkan ke oven).
Setelah makan malam, saya pergi ke synagogue untuk menghadiri wisuda Petrus dari CTU dalam program M.Div. Ada sekitar 103 wisudawan dan wisudawati lainnya yang mengikuti acara tahunan CTU ini dalam berbagai program studi seperti M.Div, MA, MAPS dan D.Min. Saya mengabadikan moment ini dengan mengambil foto dan langsung setelah pulang ke rumah saya transfer ke shutterfly.com saya. Ada tiga mantan frater SX yang ikut wisuda juga yaitu: Adrian, Victor and Alexis. Wisudah ke-37 oleh CTU ini berlangsung selama dua jam, diawali jam 7.30 malam lalu berakhir dengan acara ramah tamah di hall synagogue ini dengan makanan kecil. Malam harinya saya mencuci dan seterika baju, lalu transfer foto wisuda Petrus ke Internet dan akhirnya saya check-in lewat Internet untuk keberangkatan saya besok liburan ke Orlando melalui Southwest.com. Saya akan berangkat hari Jumat, 20 Mei ke Orlando.
Jumat, 20 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saat misa, Petrus memberikan refleksi singkat setelah dia lulus dari CTU kemarin. Hari ini saya pergi berlibur ke Orlando, mengunjungi teman saya yang tinggal di Kissimmee, yaitu Cik Anna dan Koh Siok Gin. Saya akan kembali ke Chicago hari Jumat tanggal 27 Mei siang hari. Itulah mengapa saya menulis dan mengirimkan jurnal ini lebih awal dari biasanya. Sampai jumpa minggu depan….
Sabtu, 21 Mei 2005.
Minggu, 22 Mei 2005.
“Only the good and rational person
is capable of true friendship,
for reason stirs up and nourishes friendship”
(Francis DeSales)
Alexander Denny Wahyudi, sx
Xaverian Missionaries
1347 East Hyde Park Boulevard
Chicago, Illinois 60615-2924
Phone 773 643 5745 Fax 773 643 6907
Website:
http://www.xaviermissionaries.org
and
http://acdw74.blogspot.com
and
http://acdw74.multiply.com
and
http://www.xaverindo.org
Monday, May 16, 2005. This morning I did finishing my final paper of Gittin’s class (Recent Development of Mission Theology) and I submitted at noon. With this, I am done for all requirements of this spring semester at CTU and I am looking forward their results plus summer CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) at Alexian Brothers Hospital.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005. From 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. I spent my time at downtown Chicago, enjoying the warm day and taking pictures that I share via shutterfly.com. On the way to go home in the CTA bus, coincidentally I met two of my CTU’s classmates, namely, Baozhu, svd (from mainland China) and Norma, a Maryknoll novice (from El Salvador). Coming back home, I felt dizzy then after having supper, I took medicine (aspirin) then went to bed directly.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005. In the morning I cleaned up: my room, second floor, my bathroom, and the basement. In the afternoon I cooked for my community: beef soup (rawon) and rice plus crackers. At 4.30 p.m. I attended closing Mass at CTU which was presided by Father Robin Ryan, CP and the woman preacher, Angela Swain.
Thursday, May 19, 2005. This morning while I was recording Petrus’ deaconate ordination from handycam to VHS tape, I was typing some letters for my confreres and friends in Indonesia. At noon, Petrus cooked fried rice for us then Dharmawan plus Ignas made melon juice. For supper, I cooked for the community: Lasagna and Pizza.
After supper, I went to synagogue to attend Petrus’ graduation of CTU for his M.Div program. There were about 103 other graduates of various degrees such as M.Div, MA, MAPS and D.Min. I took some pictures and had posted it on my shutterfly.com. There were three former Xaverian students who graduated also: Adrian, Victor and Alexis. The 37th graduation of CTU lasted for two hours, at 9.45 p.m. and ended up at hall of the KAM Isaiah synagogue with some refreshment. At night I did laundry of my clothes, transferred 40 pictures of Petrus’ graduation and on-line check in through Southwest airline for my departure on Friday, May 20 to Orlando.
Friday, May 20, 2005. In the morning Mass, Petrus shared his reflection as he graduated of CTU yesterday. Today I am going to go to vacation for one week to Orlando, to visit my friend who live in Kissimmee (Florida), namely Cik Anna and Koh Siok Gin. My flight is Southwest number 2053 from Midway airport (1.15 p.m.) to Orlando then my return flight to Chicago number 2956 on Friday, 27 May (arrive at 11.55 a.m.) I will return to Chicago on Friday, 27 May at noon. It’s the reason I send this journal earlier than the usual time. See you next week…..
Saturday, May 21, 2005.
Sunday, May 22, 2005.
4) Hari Minggu Tri Tunggal Maha Kudus, 22 Mei 2005
Senin, 16 Mei 2005. Pagi ini saya menyelesaikan paper terakhir saya untuk kuliahnya Gittin (Recent Development of Mission Theology) lalu saya serahkan di ruang kantornya siang hari. Dengan ini, maka saya telah menyelesaikan semua paper dan tugas kuliah semester musim semi 2005 ini dan saya menunggu hasilnya juga menunggu pula saat matakuliah CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) di Alexian Brothers Hospital (6 Juni-19 Agustus 2005).
Selasa, 17 Mei 2005. Saya gunakan waktu saya di downtown Chicago, menikmati hangatnya hari ini dan mengambil photo-photo dengan pemandangan downtown Chicago yang saya juga kirimkan lewat shutterfly.com kepada para sahabat. Dalam perjalanan pulang ke rumah di dalam bis CTA saya bertemu dua teman kuliah saya di CTU yaitu: Baozhu, svd (dari daratan China) dan Norma, seorang suster novis Maryknoll (dari El Salvador). Kembali ke rumah, saya merasa pusing sekali, lalu setelah makan malam saya langsung makan obat (aspirin) dan tidur cepat.
Rabu, 18 Mei 2005. Pagi ini saya membersihkan: ruang kamarku sendiri, lantai dua, kamar mandi saya sendiri, dan ruang basement. Di sore hari saya memasak untuk komunitasku di sini: rawon, kerupuk dan nasi. Pukul 4.30 sore saya menghadiri misa penutupan untuk kuliah tahun ajaran 2004-2005 di CTU yang dipimpin oleh Pastor Robin Ryan, CP dan pengkhotbah perempuan bernama Angela Swain.
Kamis, 19 Mei 2005. Pagi ini sementara saya merekam kembali tahbisan diakonat Petrus dari handycam ke kaset VHS, saya mengetik beberapa surat untuk para sesama saudara Xaverian di Indonesia serta para sahabat lain. Di siang hari, Petrus memasak untuk kita, nasi goreng dan Dharmawan serta Ignas membuat es juice melon. Untuk makan malam, saya memasak untuk komunitas Lasagna dan Pizza (tinggal masukkan ke oven).
Setelah makan malam, saya pergi ke synagogue untuk menghadiri wisuda Petrus dari CTU dalam program M.Div. Ada sekitar 103 wisudawan dan wisudawati lainnya yang mengikuti acara tahunan CTU ini dalam berbagai program studi seperti M.Div, MA, MAPS dan D.Min. Saya mengabadikan moment ini dengan mengambil foto dan langsung setelah pulang ke rumah saya transfer ke shutterfly.com saya. Ada tiga mantan frater SX yang ikut wisuda juga yaitu: Adrian, Victor and Alexis. Wisudah ke-37 oleh CTU ini berlangsung selama dua jam, diawali jam 7.30 malam lalu berakhir dengan acara ramah tamah di hall synagogue ini dengan makanan kecil. Malam harinya saya mencuci dan seterika baju, lalu transfer foto wisuda Petrus ke Internet dan akhirnya saya check-in lewat Internet untuk keberangkatan saya besok liburan ke Orlando melalui Southwest.com. Saya akan berangkat hari Jumat, 20 Mei ke Orlando.
Jumat, 20 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saat misa, Petrus memberikan refleksi singkat setelah dia lulus dari CTU kemarin. Hari ini saya pergi berlibur ke Orlando, mengunjungi teman saya yang tinggal di Kissimmee, yaitu Cik Anna dan Koh Siok Gin. Saya akan kembali ke Chicago hari Jumat tanggal 27 Mei siang hari. Itulah mengapa saya menulis dan mengirimkan jurnal ini lebih awal dari biasanya. Sampai jumpa minggu depan….
Sabtu, 21 Mei 2005.
Minggu, 22 Mei 2005.
“Only the good and rational person
is capable of true friendship,
for reason stirs up and nourishes friendship”
(Francis DeSales)
Alexander Denny Wahyudi, sx
Xaverian Missionaries
1347 East Hyde Park Boulevard
Chicago, Illinois 60615-2924
Phone 773 643 5745 Fax 773 643 6907
Website:
http://www.xaviermissionaries.org
and
http://acdw74.blogspot.com
and
http://acdw74.multiply.com
and
http://www.xaverindo.org
Sunday, May 15, 2005
surat ke-3 bulan Mei 2005
3) Pentecost Sunday, May 15, 2005
Monday, May 09, 2005. In the morning I fulfilled the requirement of my millennium spirituality professor to spend time to be silent. In my own room I did it then I wrote a reflection I wrote on the below. In the afternoon from 1 p.m. to 3.45 p.m. I attended the last class of Development of Mission Theology with Anthony Gittins as the professor. At night I worked on my paper of this class with the topic on Interreligious Dialogue.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005. In the morning I had theological reflection group last meeting at SVD’s house. At noon I attended ethic’s class and I submitted both of my paper to the professor, John Pawlikowski. I was reading attentively a letter from the Xaverian General Direction for the U.S. province that cost me couldn’t rest well this afternoon. At night I worked again on my last paper on interreligious dialogue.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005. At noon I had the last class of millennium spirituality with the professor, Paul LaChance, OFM in which we were doing ritual closing prayer. I submitted my final paper on Dietrich Bonhoeffer. After arriving home, I cooked for my community: salad with peanut dressing (gado-gado) and mash potatoes.
Thursday, May 12, 2005. In the morning I prepared presentation for my ethic class then I did it at noon, the last class of spirituality, liturgy and quest for justice, with the professor John Pawlikowski. I presented about Dietrich Bonhoeffer as I did in millennium spirituality. In the evening from 7.30 p.m. to 9.30 p.m. we had community meeting with agenda: evaluation at the end of academic year 2004/2005 and our personal response regarding to General Direction’s letter.
Friday, May 13, 2005. In the morning Mass I shared the homily that I wrote on the below. The whole morning I was doing my final paper on interreligious dialogue. From 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. we had community retreat at the house led by Father Pascal with the topic on reflecting General Direction’s letter of October 2004 entitled “The Lord couldn’t have been more generous with us” (Testament Letter 1).
Saturday, May 14, 2005. Today I remained stay at house to do my final paper of Gittin’s class and did laundry. At 11 p.m. at our chapel, Father Victor led the Vigil Pentecost prayer with adoration to the Blessed Sacrament and beside our community members it was attended by two Indonesian friends, namely, Nick and Nita. It’s the first time I celebrated vigil Pentecost and normally I used to have Novena of Pentecost in Indonesia.
Sunday, May 15, 2005. In the morning we headed to Saint Therese Church in Chinatown to celebrate Pentecost Mass presided by Father Michael and at the same time we had installment of lector or reader for three of our Xaverian students, namely, Ignas, Dharmawan and Pascal Atumisi and installment of acolyte that was me. It was held simply and solemnly in the hand of Father Michael Davitti, sx and two deacons, Petrus, sx and Paul, svd. I had a chance to be first reader at the Mass and the Eucharistic minister to share the body of Christ to congregations. At 2 p.m. I rode my bike to LSTC and by shuttle bus, I headed to Rockefeller Memorial Chapel at the area of University of Chicago to attend the graduation of Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago which started at 2.30 p.m. There were two of my classmates celebrating this commencement, namely, Melissa and Amy who will be ordained soon as pastors at Lutheran Church in the USA. They were at my class of Development of Mission theology at CTU this semester and invited us to attend their graduation. It seems that only me from CTU who answer their cordial invitation beside another CTU student named Jose who has another classmate of LSTC. It was interesting to attend this service that was a Mass celebration together with this graduation. They name it as Holy Communion and Commencement, 145th Academic Year of the LSTC. The sermon given by William Lazareth, one of the world’s foremost Lutheran theologians, mentioning about the Pope John Paul II whom he honors as great shepherd and he compared with Lutheran’s ordained ministers in his Lutheran theological point of view. Overall, it was great experience to know Lutheran liturgy that is very similar with Roman Catholic Church. They also celebrated Sunday Pentecost with the priests both male and female wearing red chasuble. It lasted at 5.10 p.m. and I had chance to congratulate both of my friends, Melissa and Amy and took picture with them.
In the supper, there was a guest named “Zurdo”, a former Xaverian student from Mexico who now lives in Detroit-USA with his own parents. I remembered that I ever had correspondence via e-mail with him (probably in 2001) when I was still at the philosophy house in Jakarta and he recognized me.
SILENCE
This morning, on Monday, May 9, 2005, I was laying down on the floor of my own room, trying to keep silent and pay attention to it. As I was doing it, I became aware of my surrounding, such as the twittering and chirping of several birds out of the window I can hear, the sound of bus stopped by on the street, the sound of my body especially my stomach and the feeling of little bit cold on my skin. Beside that, my mind was revolving around my paper I should finish at the end of this week or my chatting with my friends both in English and Indonesian, even in my native language, Javanese. It is a sort of relaxation exercise to enhance my energy in order to be fresh in mind, body and spirit to do my activity including typing this reflection.
The word “silence” has a very meaning of myself as a human being who live most of the time alone in my room in my sleeping, resting, studying, reflecting my daily life and typing this reflection. If I do not have a silent space and time, most likely I could not concentrate and draw some reflections of my life especially a dialogue with my heart and mind and later on inspiration of God through the Holy Spirit. I was coming from a safe silence womb of my mother and born in the chaotic and hectic world that sometimes make me lonely. Even though I live in the busy world, but most of my time I spend in the silence such as doing this paper, without music and just typing based on my experience and the stream of my mind and inspiration flowing on. In the silence also I can see my ral self in before God in order to see my weaknesses, my hope in the future, my past experience, my relation with my family and my Xaverian confreres and with God alone. In the silence I could hear the voice of God implemented in my body, mind, feeling and wish. So, I do agree that silence is important part of the communication both with myself, with God and with other people with whom I communicate. If I do not have this skill, most likely I will have misunderstanding and conflict with my own self, with God and with others because I emphasize on my own narrow mind, will and ambition.
To be silent means to obey. Obedience comes from Latin word “obediere” that means listen to. So to be silent means to obey the Word of God and to do God’s will with listening to God’s voice through my heart’s voice, my pure heart’s aspiration in which God speaks both clearly and sometimes unclearly. That is why I should make a discernment to decide and do what is the best according to God’s will. It is a life long process, because I face a lot of choices in front of me, which I have to choose on and live it out consequently both in small and big things. In this process of discernment, I should listen and obey then cooperate with the Holy Spirit who speaks through many signs. I should over and over again checking this voice that often times I easily neglect it. Through SILENCE in special time and space, I believe, this process of discernment should be built as my custom in my daily spirituality.
TO LOVE IS TO SEE, TO MAKE ONE BE AWARE AND TO CREATE
Once upon a time there is a story about a boy who killed both of his parents, his father and his mother. Since he’s too young to be put into jail, because he’s just 10 years old, so he’s sent to Boys’ town in which Father Flaneken was. Before this boy met Father Flaneken, he said in his own heart, “If he says, ‘I love’, I will kill him also.” “Who are you?” said Father Flaneken to this boy. He said, “I’m Dave.” “O, Dave, I have heard of you, welcome to our home. Henry, please show Dave to his room and introduce our facilities.” This boy was feeling very welcomed to this new environment and he said optimistically, “I was accepted by them and it seems that they say to me: ‘Dave, you’re a good boy.” “I was created as a good boy.” Is there more beautiful than to see positive things on others? “What’s your secret to change these boys?” asked someone to Father Flaneken. But, he said, “I don’t have any secret.” But, actually there is written on the gate of this house, “There is no such thing as a bad boy.” So, Dave is to be lifted up to be aware of his good potential things and Father Flaneken created him as a good boy.
In the Gospel, Jesus says to Simon Peter, “You are Simon, you’ll be called rock, you cannot be shaken…” But, actually, we know from the Gospel that Peter is such a person who always afraid easily facing problems, even he denied Jesus three times. Simon Peter is not rock but he’s “lempung katokan” (in Javanese means: clay that is wearing jeans pants), very easy to be broken, to be punched and fall down. But, Jesus sees in Peter good potential things. Jesus made Simon Peter to be aware, created him as a rock and Jesus built his Church on this rock. Jesus sees good and positive things in Peter, Jesus made him aware and Jesus created him became rock as foundation of our church.
In the retreat of CHOICE that I participated almost 11 years ago in Jakarta, I am impressed with its motto: “To know, to love, and to serve is the most beautiful in my life.” Both of these mottos we could apply in our own community here, in the religious life. As we live together as brothers in the same spirituality of Blessed Guido Maria Conforti as Xaverians, we should know each other by living together, then we try to love each other with our own uniqueness then we try to serve each other as best as we can. So that what Jesus did to Peter also will be implemented in our community, namely, we see good things in our brothers, we make aware of others and we create harmony in our common life. So that we will not fall into criticizing others only based on their defects and I believe that to love and to be loved as human being is the most meaningful in our life.
REFLECTION on the Friday retreat
First time I decided to enter Xaverian seminary, I said to myself, “If I would not be accepted into Xaverians, I will try to apply to other congregation or diocese, because my main goal at that time was I want to become a priest. Finally, after having test and interview I was accepted to the Xaverians. As I was walking in this vocation journey, I came to realize gradually that my vocation in the initial formation is not becoming a priest, but I was prepared to be a religious with a special formation in pre-novitiate and novitiate in Bintaro-Jakarta for two years then I professed my first vows (mission, poverty, obedience and chastity). So, the first step of my formation is I have to embrace a style of religious life then I live out a missionary vocation toward missionary priesthood in which I am directed to achieve it in the next two years. These three identities, namely, religious, missionary and priesthood are ideally integrated and united in my vocation journey that I am called to be.
In my initial formation, my master of novice often times reminded us of five pillars of our vocation life in the Xaverians that was emphasized by our General Direction. They are sacrament of the Eucharist, sacrament of reconciliation, lectio divina, spiritual direction and breviary prayer. The more I come to the last stage of my formation toward missionary priesthood, I come to be aware that my personal conviction on these five pillars are examined personally by my own commitment to faithfully practice them. The normal tendency in the situation of personal freedom in my experience living in Chicago is to neglect them. My faithfulness to my vocation life can be measured by the perseverance and wholehearted intention to practice these pillars. I always remember one statement of my cousin, who is a Franciscan nun in Pati-Indonesia, saying, “In my own experience, a priest who is faithful in their daily prayer and spirituality, most likely they will stand firm on their journey of vocation life and vice versa.”
I am impressed by the statement of Father John Cyzinski, SCJ who led us on the annual retreat in the beginning of 2005, saying, “Try to see in yourself and apply: I will not be myself, I will not be Denny like now if I’m not in the Xaverian Missionaries.” One Indonesian Xaverian priest named Anton Wahyudianto, SX in 1996 (when I was in pre-novitiate) before he left for London to studying English ever said, “In my dictionary, there is no such a word “leaving” Xaverians, like what my other classmates did as trend.” These witnesses strengthen me to continue my journey of this precious vocation that I also do believe that “Lord would not have been more generous with me” because I am really grateful for a lot of graces I have received in my journey in this vocation, in my beloved Xaverians family regardless my own grievances and others’ complaint. Too many graces and privileges I have received that I have to return them back with my perseverance and my whole life.
3) Hari Minggu Pentekosta, 15 Mei 2005
Senin, 09 Mei 2005. Pagi ini saya memenuhi PR dari dosen saya dalam matakuliah spiritualitas milenium, yaitu saya menyempatkan waktu dalam keheningan di kamar saya sendiri. Saya melakukan hal ini di kamar saya sendiri lalu menuliskan refleksi akan keheningan yang saya tuliskan dalam versi bhs Inggris di atas. Di sore hari dari jam 1 hingga 3.45 saya menghadiri kuliah terakhir dalam matakuliah Perkembangan Teologi Misi yang diberikan oleh dosen: Pastor Anthony Gittins. Malam harinya saya mengerjakan paper saya dalam matakuliah Gittins ini bertemakan Dialog Antaragama.
Selasa, 10 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saya menghadiri pertemuan terakhir dalam kelompok refleksi teologi di rumah SVD. Siang hari saya mengikuti kuliah etika dan mengumpulkan dua paper saya ke dosen, John Pawlikowski. Saya membaca dengan penuh perhatian sebuah surat dari Direksi General Xaverian untuk provinsi SX di USA yang membuat saya tidak bisa istirahat dengan tenang di sore hari. Malam hari saya mengerjakan paper akhir saya dialog antaragama.
Rabu, 11 Mei 2005. Siang hari saya mengikuti kuliah terakhir spiritualitas milenium baru yang dosennya adalah Paul LaChance, OFM di mana kami mengadakan acara penutupan dengan ritual khusus. Saya mengumpulkan paper akhir saya dalam kuliah ini dengan topik Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Setelah tiba di rumah, saya memasak untuk komunitas yaitu gado-gado dan bubur kentang.
Kamis, 12 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saya mempersiapkan bahan presentasi saya untuk matakuliah Etika yang saya presentasikan di siang hari yaitu bertemakan Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Di malam hari dari jam 7.30 hingga 9.30 kami mengadakan rapat komunitas dengan agenda yaitu evaluasi akhir tahun ajaran 2004/2005 dan tanggapan pribadi atas surat Direksi General SX untuk provinsi SX di USA.
Jumat, 13 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saya berkhotbah dalam misa yang saya tuliskan juga di versi bhs. Inggris di atas. Sepanjang pagi hari ini saya mengerjakan paper akhir saya, dialog antaragama. Dari jam 3 hingga 6 sore kami mengadakan rekoleksi komunitas di rumah kami sendiri yang dibawakan oleh Pastor Pascal, SX dengan tema surat dari Direksi General SX, bulan Oktober 2004 yang berjudul “Tuhan tidak akan lebih bermurah hati lagi terhadap kita.” (Surat Wasiat Pendiri SX no.1).
Sabtu, 14 Mei 2005. Sepanjang hari ini saya tinggal di rumah saja mengerjakan paper akhir kuliah Gittin serta cuci-seterika baju seperti biasa. Pukul 11 malam di kapel kami, Pastor Victor memimpin perayaan malam Pentekosta dengan adorasi sembah sujud di hadapan Sakramen Maha Kudus hingga jam 12 malam yang dihadiri disamping anggota komunitas kami juga dua teman Indonesia yaitu Nick dan Nita. Ini adalah kali pertama saya merayakan malam Pentekosta yang biasanya di Indonesia saya merayakan Novena Pentekosta.
Minggu, 15 Mei 2005. Di pagi hari kami pergi ke Gereja Santa Theresia di Chinatown untuk merayakan Minggu Pentekosta yang dipimpin oleh Pastor Michael dan pada misa ini juga kami merayakan pelantikan lektor tiga frater Xaverian yaitu Ignas, Dharmawan dan Pascal Atumisi dan juga pelantikan akolit untuk saya. Acara ini dirayakan secara sederhana dan penuh khidmat di tangan Pastor Michael Davitti, sx dan dua diakon pendamping yaitu Petrus, sx dan Paul, svd. Saya mendapat kesempatan menjadi lektor bacaan pertama dan pembagi komuni kudus dalam misa ini. Pukul 2 siang saya naik sepeda pergi ke Lutheran School of Theology di Chicago dan dengan shuttle bus yang sudah disediakan saya ikut pergi ke Rockefeller Memorial Chapel di daerah Universitas Chicago untuk menghadiri acara wisuda para mahasiswa LSTC yang dimulai pukul 2.30 sore hari. Ada dua teman kelas saya ikut wisuda yaitu Melissa dan Amy yang akan segera ditahbiskan jadi pastor di gereja Lutheran di USA ini. Mereka adalah teman kelas saya dalam matakuliah Perkembangan Teologi Misi yang diberikan oleh dosen CTU, Pastor Anthony Gittins, CSSp. Mereka mengundang kami semua untuk hadir dalam acara wisuda mereka. Sejauh pengamatan saya yang datang dari CTU hanya saya sendiri dan juga seorang mahasiswa CTU lain bernama Jose yang juga turut gembira merayakan wisuda teman sekelasnya dari LSTC. Perayaan ini bagi saya cukup menarik karena acara wisuda digabung dengan acara misa kudus gaya gerja Lutheran. Mereka menamai acara ini sebagai Komuni Kudus dan Wisuda/kelulusan, tahun akademik LSTC ke 145. Khotbah dalam acara ini diberikan oleh William Lazareth, seorang teolog kenamaan dari gereja Lutheran, yang menyebutkan dalam khotbahnya tentang Paus Yohanes Paulus II yang ia hormati sebagai gembala agung dan ia bandingkan dengan para pelayan tertahbis pria dan wanita dalam perspektif gereja Lutheran. Secara keseluruhan, acara ini merupakan pengalaman bagus buat saya dapat mengetahui tata cara liturgi gereja Lutheran yang sangat mirip sekali dengan tata cara liturgi Gereja Katolik Roma, mereka juga merayakan hari Pentekosta dengan pastor pria dan wanita pakai kasula warna merah. Acara ini berakhir pukul 5.10 sore dan saya sempat mengucapkan selamat kepada teman saya, Melissa dan Amy dan berfoto bersama mereka untuk kenang-kenangan.
Saat makan malam, ada seorang tamu bernama “Zurdo”, seorang mantan frater Xaverian asal Mexico yang kini tinggal bersama orang tuanya di Detroit-USA. Saya ingat bahwa saya dulu pernah berkorespondensi dengan dia, saat saya berada di tingkat studi filsafat di Jakarta (kemungkinan tahun 2001) dan ia juga masih mengenal saya.
Monday, May 09, 2005. In the morning I fulfilled the requirement of my millennium spirituality professor to spend time to be silent. In my own room I did it then I wrote a reflection I wrote on the below. In the afternoon from 1 p.m. to 3.45 p.m. I attended the last class of Development of Mission Theology with Anthony Gittins as the professor. At night I worked on my paper of this class with the topic on Interreligious Dialogue.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005. In the morning I had theological reflection group last meeting at SVD’s house. At noon I attended ethic’s class and I submitted both of my paper to the professor, John Pawlikowski. I was reading attentively a letter from the Xaverian General Direction for the U.S. province that cost me couldn’t rest well this afternoon. At night I worked again on my last paper on interreligious dialogue.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005. At noon I had the last class of millennium spirituality with the professor, Paul LaChance, OFM in which we were doing ritual closing prayer. I submitted my final paper on Dietrich Bonhoeffer. After arriving home, I cooked for my community: salad with peanut dressing (gado-gado) and mash potatoes.
Thursday, May 12, 2005. In the morning I prepared presentation for my ethic class then I did it at noon, the last class of spirituality, liturgy and quest for justice, with the professor John Pawlikowski. I presented about Dietrich Bonhoeffer as I did in millennium spirituality. In the evening from 7.30 p.m. to 9.30 p.m. we had community meeting with agenda: evaluation at the end of academic year 2004/2005 and our personal response regarding to General Direction’s letter.
Friday, May 13, 2005. In the morning Mass I shared the homily that I wrote on the below. The whole morning I was doing my final paper on interreligious dialogue. From 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. we had community retreat at the house led by Father Pascal with the topic on reflecting General Direction’s letter of October 2004 entitled “The Lord couldn’t have been more generous with us” (Testament Letter 1).
Saturday, May 14, 2005. Today I remained stay at house to do my final paper of Gittin’s class and did laundry. At 11 p.m. at our chapel, Father Victor led the Vigil Pentecost prayer with adoration to the Blessed Sacrament and beside our community members it was attended by two Indonesian friends, namely, Nick and Nita. It’s the first time I celebrated vigil Pentecost and normally I used to have Novena of Pentecost in Indonesia.
Sunday, May 15, 2005. In the morning we headed to Saint Therese Church in Chinatown to celebrate Pentecost Mass presided by Father Michael and at the same time we had installment of lector or reader for three of our Xaverian students, namely, Ignas, Dharmawan and Pascal Atumisi and installment of acolyte that was me. It was held simply and solemnly in the hand of Father Michael Davitti, sx and two deacons, Petrus, sx and Paul, svd. I had a chance to be first reader at the Mass and the Eucharistic minister to share the body of Christ to congregations. At 2 p.m. I rode my bike to LSTC and by shuttle bus, I headed to Rockefeller Memorial Chapel at the area of University of Chicago to attend the graduation of Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago which started at 2.30 p.m. There were two of my classmates celebrating this commencement, namely, Melissa and Amy who will be ordained soon as pastors at Lutheran Church in the USA. They were at my class of Development of Mission theology at CTU this semester and invited us to attend their graduation. It seems that only me from CTU who answer their cordial invitation beside another CTU student named Jose who has another classmate of LSTC. It was interesting to attend this service that was a Mass celebration together with this graduation. They name it as Holy Communion and Commencement, 145th Academic Year of the LSTC. The sermon given by William Lazareth, one of the world’s foremost Lutheran theologians, mentioning about the Pope John Paul II whom he honors as great shepherd and he compared with Lutheran’s ordained ministers in his Lutheran theological point of view. Overall, it was great experience to know Lutheran liturgy that is very similar with Roman Catholic Church. They also celebrated Sunday Pentecost with the priests both male and female wearing red chasuble. It lasted at 5.10 p.m. and I had chance to congratulate both of my friends, Melissa and Amy and took picture with them.
In the supper, there was a guest named “Zurdo”, a former Xaverian student from Mexico who now lives in Detroit-USA with his own parents. I remembered that I ever had correspondence via e-mail with him (probably in 2001) when I was still at the philosophy house in Jakarta and he recognized me.
SILENCE
This morning, on Monday, May 9, 2005, I was laying down on the floor of my own room, trying to keep silent and pay attention to it. As I was doing it, I became aware of my surrounding, such as the twittering and chirping of several birds out of the window I can hear, the sound of bus stopped by on the street, the sound of my body especially my stomach and the feeling of little bit cold on my skin. Beside that, my mind was revolving around my paper I should finish at the end of this week or my chatting with my friends both in English and Indonesian, even in my native language, Javanese. It is a sort of relaxation exercise to enhance my energy in order to be fresh in mind, body and spirit to do my activity including typing this reflection.
The word “silence” has a very meaning of myself as a human being who live most of the time alone in my room in my sleeping, resting, studying, reflecting my daily life and typing this reflection. If I do not have a silent space and time, most likely I could not concentrate and draw some reflections of my life especially a dialogue with my heart and mind and later on inspiration of God through the Holy Spirit. I was coming from a safe silence womb of my mother and born in the chaotic and hectic world that sometimes make me lonely. Even though I live in the busy world, but most of my time I spend in the silence such as doing this paper, without music and just typing based on my experience and the stream of my mind and inspiration flowing on. In the silence also I can see my ral self in before God in order to see my weaknesses, my hope in the future, my past experience, my relation with my family and my Xaverian confreres and with God alone. In the silence I could hear the voice of God implemented in my body, mind, feeling and wish. So, I do agree that silence is important part of the communication both with myself, with God and with other people with whom I communicate. If I do not have this skill, most likely I will have misunderstanding and conflict with my own self, with God and with others because I emphasize on my own narrow mind, will and ambition.
To be silent means to obey. Obedience comes from Latin word “obediere” that means listen to. So to be silent means to obey the Word of God and to do God’s will with listening to God’s voice through my heart’s voice, my pure heart’s aspiration in which God speaks both clearly and sometimes unclearly. That is why I should make a discernment to decide and do what is the best according to God’s will. It is a life long process, because I face a lot of choices in front of me, which I have to choose on and live it out consequently both in small and big things. In this process of discernment, I should listen and obey then cooperate with the Holy Spirit who speaks through many signs. I should over and over again checking this voice that often times I easily neglect it. Through SILENCE in special time and space, I believe, this process of discernment should be built as my custom in my daily spirituality.
TO LOVE IS TO SEE, TO MAKE ONE BE AWARE AND TO CREATE
Once upon a time there is a story about a boy who killed both of his parents, his father and his mother. Since he’s too young to be put into jail, because he’s just 10 years old, so he’s sent to Boys’ town in which Father Flaneken was. Before this boy met Father Flaneken, he said in his own heart, “If he says, ‘I love’, I will kill him also.” “Who are you?” said Father Flaneken to this boy. He said, “I’m Dave.” “O, Dave, I have heard of you, welcome to our home. Henry, please show Dave to his room and introduce our facilities.” This boy was feeling very welcomed to this new environment and he said optimistically, “I was accepted by them and it seems that they say to me: ‘Dave, you’re a good boy.” “I was created as a good boy.” Is there more beautiful than to see positive things on others? “What’s your secret to change these boys?” asked someone to Father Flaneken. But, he said, “I don’t have any secret.” But, actually there is written on the gate of this house, “There is no such thing as a bad boy.” So, Dave is to be lifted up to be aware of his good potential things and Father Flaneken created him as a good boy.
In the Gospel, Jesus says to Simon Peter, “You are Simon, you’ll be called rock, you cannot be shaken…” But, actually, we know from the Gospel that Peter is such a person who always afraid easily facing problems, even he denied Jesus three times. Simon Peter is not rock but he’s “lempung katokan” (in Javanese means: clay that is wearing jeans pants), very easy to be broken, to be punched and fall down. But, Jesus sees in Peter good potential things. Jesus made Simon Peter to be aware, created him as a rock and Jesus built his Church on this rock. Jesus sees good and positive things in Peter, Jesus made him aware and Jesus created him became rock as foundation of our church.
In the retreat of CHOICE that I participated almost 11 years ago in Jakarta, I am impressed with its motto: “To know, to love, and to serve is the most beautiful in my life.” Both of these mottos we could apply in our own community here, in the religious life. As we live together as brothers in the same spirituality of Blessed Guido Maria Conforti as Xaverians, we should know each other by living together, then we try to love each other with our own uniqueness then we try to serve each other as best as we can. So that what Jesus did to Peter also will be implemented in our community, namely, we see good things in our brothers, we make aware of others and we create harmony in our common life. So that we will not fall into criticizing others only based on their defects and I believe that to love and to be loved as human being is the most meaningful in our life.
REFLECTION on the Friday retreat
First time I decided to enter Xaverian seminary, I said to myself, “If I would not be accepted into Xaverians, I will try to apply to other congregation or diocese, because my main goal at that time was I want to become a priest. Finally, after having test and interview I was accepted to the Xaverians. As I was walking in this vocation journey, I came to realize gradually that my vocation in the initial formation is not becoming a priest, but I was prepared to be a religious with a special formation in pre-novitiate and novitiate in Bintaro-Jakarta for two years then I professed my first vows (mission, poverty, obedience and chastity). So, the first step of my formation is I have to embrace a style of religious life then I live out a missionary vocation toward missionary priesthood in which I am directed to achieve it in the next two years. These three identities, namely, religious, missionary and priesthood are ideally integrated and united in my vocation journey that I am called to be.
In my initial formation, my master of novice often times reminded us of five pillars of our vocation life in the Xaverians that was emphasized by our General Direction. They are sacrament of the Eucharist, sacrament of reconciliation, lectio divina, spiritual direction and breviary prayer. The more I come to the last stage of my formation toward missionary priesthood, I come to be aware that my personal conviction on these five pillars are examined personally by my own commitment to faithfully practice them. The normal tendency in the situation of personal freedom in my experience living in Chicago is to neglect them. My faithfulness to my vocation life can be measured by the perseverance and wholehearted intention to practice these pillars. I always remember one statement of my cousin, who is a Franciscan nun in Pati-Indonesia, saying, “In my own experience, a priest who is faithful in their daily prayer and spirituality, most likely they will stand firm on their journey of vocation life and vice versa.”
I am impressed by the statement of Father John Cyzinski, SCJ who led us on the annual retreat in the beginning of 2005, saying, “Try to see in yourself and apply: I will not be myself, I will not be Denny like now if I’m not in the Xaverian Missionaries.” One Indonesian Xaverian priest named Anton Wahyudianto, SX in 1996 (when I was in pre-novitiate) before he left for London to studying English ever said, “In my dictionary, there is no such a word “leaving” Xaverians, like what my other classmates did as trend.” These witnesses strengthen me to continue my journey of this precious vocation that I also do believe that “Lord would not have been more generous with me” because I am really grateful for a lot of graces I have received in my journey in this vocation, in my beloved Xaverians family regardless my own grievances and others’ complaint. Too many graces and privileges I have received that I have to return them back with my perseverance and my whole life.
3) Hari Minggu Pentekosta, 15 Mei 2005
Senin, 09 Mei 2005. Pagi ini saya memenuhi PR dari dosen saya dalam matakuliah spiritualitas milenium, yaitu saya menyempatkan waktu dalam keheningan di kamar saya sendiri. Saya melakukan hal ini di kamar saya sendiri lalu menuliskan refleksi akan keheningan yang saya tuliskan dalam versi bhs Inggris di atas. Di sore hari dari jam 1 hingga 3.45 saya menghadiri kuliah terakhir dalam matakuliah Perkembangan Teologi Misi yang diberikan oleh dosen: Pastor Anthony Gittins. Malam harinya saya mengerjakan paper saya dalam matakuliah Gittins ini bertemakan Dialog Antaragama.
Selasa, 10 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saya menghadiri pertemuan terakhir dalam kelompok refleksi teologi di rumah SVD. Siang hari saya mengikuti kuliah etika dan mengumpulkan dua paper saya ke dosen, John Pawlikowski. Saya membaca dengan penuh perhatian sebuah surat dari Direksi General Xaverian untuk provinsi SX di USA yang membuat saya tidak bisa istirahat dengan tenang di sore hari. Malam hari saya mengerjakan paper akhir saya dialog antaragama.
Rabu, 11 Mei 2005. Siang hari saya mengikuti kuliah terakhir spiritualitas milenium baru yang dosennya adalah Paul LaChance, OFM di mana kami mengadakan acara penutupan dengan ritual khusus. Saya mengumpulkan paper akhir saya dalam kuliah ini dengan topik Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Setelah tiba di rumah, saya memasak untuk komunitas yaitu gado-gado dan bubur kentang.
Kamis, 12 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saya mempersiapkan bahan presentasi saya untuk matakuliah Etika yang saya presentasikan di siang hari yaitu bertemakan Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Di malam hari dari jam 7.30 hingga 9.30 kami mengadakan rapat komunitas dengan agenda yaitu evaluasi akhir tahun ajaran 2004/2005 dan tanggapan pribadi atas surat Direksi General SX untuk provinsi SX di USA.
Jumat, 13 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saya berkhotbah dalam misa yang saya tuliskan juga di versi bhs. Inggris di atas. Sepanjang pagi hari ini saya mengerjakan paper akhir saya, dialog antaragama. Dari jam 3 hingga 6 sore kami mengadakan rekoleksi komunitas di rumah kami sendiri yang dibawakan oleh Pastor Pascal, SX dengan tema surat dari Direksi General SX, bulan Oktober 2004 yang berjudul “Tuhan tidak akan lebih bermurah hati lagi terhadap kita.” (Surat Wasiat Pendiri SX no.1).
Sabtu, 14 Mei 2005. Sepanjang hari ini saya tinggal di rumah saja mengerjakan paper akhir kuliah Gittin serta cuci-seterika baju seperti biasa. Pukul 11 malam di kapel kami, Pastor Victor memimpin perayaan malam Pentekosta dengan adorasi sembah sujud di hadapan Sakramen Maha Kudus hingga jam 12 malam yang dihadiri disamping anggota komunitas kami juga dua teman Indonesia yaitu Nick dan Nita. Ini adalah kali pertama saya merayakan malam Pentekosta yang biasanya di Indonesia saya merayakan Novena Pentekosta.
Minggu, 15 Mei 2005. Di pagi hari kami pergi ke Gereja Santa Theresia di Chinatown untuk merayakan Minggu Pentekosta yang dipimpin oleh Pastor Michael dan pada misa ini juga kami merayakan pelantikan lektor tiga frater Xaverian yaitu Ignas, Dharmawan dan Pascal Atumisi dan juga pelantikan akolit untuk saya. Acara ini dirayakan secara sederhana dan penuh khidmat di tangan Pastor Michael Davitti, sx dan dua diakon pendamping yaitu Petrus, sx dan Paul, svd. Saya mendapat kesempatan menjadi lektor bacaan pertama dan pembagi komuni kudus dalam misa ini. Pukul 2 siang saya naik sepeda pergi ke Lutheran School of Theology di Chicago dan dengan shuttle bus yang sudah disediakan saya ikut pergi ke Rockefeller Memorial Chapel di daerah Universitas Chicago untuk menghadiri acara wisuda para mahasiswa LSTC yang dimulai pukul 2.30 sore hari. Ada dua teman kelas saya ikut wisuda yaitu Melissa dan Amy yang akan segera ditahbiskan jadi pastor di gereja Lutheran di USA ini. Mereka adalah teman kelas saya dalam matakuliah Perkembangan Teologi Misi yang diberikan oleh dosen CTU, Pastor Anthony Gittins, CSSp. Mereka mengundang kami semua untuk hadir dalam acara wisuda mereka. Sejauh pengamatan saya yang datang dari CTU hanya saya sendiri dan juga seorang mahasiswa CTU lain bernama Jose yang juga turut gembira merayakan wisuda teman sekelasnya dari LSTC. Perayaan ini bagi saya cukup menarik karena acara wisuda digabung dengan acara misa kudus gaya gerja Lutheran. Mereka menamai acara ini sebagai Komuni Kudus dan Wisuda/kelulusan, tahun akademik LSTC ke 145. Khotbah dalam acara ini diberikan oleh William Lazareth, seorang teolog kenamaan dari gereja Lutheran, yang menyebutkan dalam khotbahnya tentang Paus Yohanes Paulus II yang ia hormati sebagai gembala agung dan ia bandingkan dengan para pelayan tertahbis pria dan wanita dalam perspektif gereja Lutheran. Secara keseluruhan, acara ini merupakan pengalaman bagus buat saya dapat mengetahui tata cara liturgi gereja Lutheran yang sangat mirip sekali dengan tata cara liturgi Gereja Katolik Roma, mereka juga merayakan hari Pentekosta dengan pastor pria dan wanita pakai kasula warna merah. Acara ini berakhir pukul 5.10 sore dan saya sempat mengucapkan selamat kepada teman saya, Melissa dan Amy dan berfoto bersama mereka untuk kenang-kenangan.
Saat makan malam, ada seorang tamu bernama “Zurdo”, seorang mantan frater Xaverian asal Mexico yang kini tinggal bersama orang tuanya di Detroit-USA. Saya ingat bahwa saya dulu pernah berkorespondensi dengan dia, saat saya berada di tingkat studi filsafat di Jakarta (kemungkinan tahun 2001) dan ia juga masih mengenal saya.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
surat ke-2 bulan Mei 2005
2) 7th Sunday of Easter, May 08, 2005
Monday, May 02, 2005. Before attending class I was reading a book written by Paul Knitter entitled Introducing Theologies of Religions, about four models interreligious dialogue, namely, replacement model, fulfillment model, mutuality model and acceptance model. After supper I felt headache then I took medicine and went to sleep directly.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005. In the morning I had theological reflection group meeting at Claretian House. In the afternoon I cooked for my community with menu: pork soup (semur babi) and rice. From Internet I found out the website of Indonesian Catholic Group in Orlando-Florida and choicersjakarta@yahoogroups.com
Wednesday, May 04, 2005. At noon I attended Millennium Spirituality class in which Cajetan presented Pope John Paul II. At night I worked on my Bonhoeffer paper.
Thursday, May 05, 2005. After supper we had community meeting with topic about ministry.
Friday, May 06, 2005. In the morning from 9 to 2.15 p.m. I attended a Pearl and Treasures workshop at CTU with its topic about Stewardship and Fundraising. It’s the 6th and the last workshop of Pearl and Treasures I have attended at CTU as requirements of M.Div program. The rest of the day I concentrated myself to finish my paper both on Ethic and Millennium Spirituality and at midnight I could print them out.
Saturday, May 07, 2005. In the morning I did paper of Interreligious Dialogue for Anthony Gittin’s class (Development of Mission Theology) and did laundry of my own clothes (my weekly routine schedule). In the afternoon there was choir practice of Indonesian Catholic group for the Indonesian Mass tomorrow. At 6.15 p.m. we had prayer together at our chapel with our guests and supper (Lebanese food) to utter our gratitude as the Xaverian theology community to the Indonesian Catholic group in Chicago for their assistance and attention to Petrus’ deaconate ordination. We continued our hospitality with dance and music.
Sunday, May 08, 2005. We attended Indonesian Mass at 11 a.m. at Saint Therese Church in Chinatown, presided by Father Edi, osc and Deacon Petrus, sx as the preacher. There were about 40 people coming to this Mass. He points out four occasions on today’s celebration, namely: Mother’s Day, May as the month of Mary, the Ascension of Christ and the Evangelization Day of Archdiocese of Chicago, with its bottom line about ‘escortment’. We continued with hospitality and lunch at the basement of Saint Therese Church while the weather today is very nice, about 80 degrees Fahrenheit (= 27 degrees Celsius).
Name: Denny Wahyudi, SX
Course: Spirituality, Liturgy and the Quest for Justice (E-4345-1)
Professor: John T. Pawlikowski, OSM, Ph.D
Due: May 12, 2005
DOROTHY DAY (1897-1980)
AND CATHOLIC WORKER MOVEMENT
At the end of my first year studying English in Milwaukee-Wisconsin, I volunteered for five days at the Catholic Worker House in Milwaukee. I never knew what is Catholic Worker House and who is Dorothy Day as the founder. Having experience of this immersion at this Catholic Worker House, I came to know more about this ‘divine work’, I can say, because I believe that young people who lived in this houseare devoted volunteers who had good will to serve others especially the poor and the needy. A lot of good experiences I could draw of this immersion. One of those experiences is that I took part in a protest/demonstration against Taco Bell Restaurant in Milwaukee together with three other young people, I stood in front of this restaurant voicing the fare wage of tomatoes pickers in California. We shared flyers to people who passed by this street and we yelled loudly our just action and holded written banners and posters both in English and Spanish. I never had experience in such demonstration in Indonesia, so it was a quite new one for me.
In addition, as I minister at David Darst Center, a retreat house for justice and peace as my M.Div ministry practicum, I have another experience with Catholic Worker House in which I visited a couple of times with retreatans. I can feel the atmosphere of hospitality at this SU CASA Catholic Worker House in Chicago that provides soup kitchen, called Hogan, serving poor people for lunch every Sunday. It is interesting experience that together with the retreatans, who are mostly Caucasians (White Americans) from middle class, I took part in line outside to get in the soup kitchen and having conversation with those people who are mostly African Americans. It reminds me the image of Jesus in the middle of homeless people who are in line at a soup kitchen as it is depicted in a mural at the chapel of retreat house. This Catholic Worker House is inhabited by refugees from Latin Americas and one of the ministers here in the past was Sister Dianna Ortiz who had been raped and tortured in Guatemala and I found and read her book entitled The Blindfold’s Eyes, My Journey from Torture to Truth that is very real moving story to me.
After studying of Dorothy Day, I come to understand what kind of this movement. The Catholic Worker Movement began simply enough on May 1, 1933, when a journalist named Dorothy Day and a French philospher named Peter Maurin teamed up to publish and distribute a newspaper called “The Catholic Worker.” This radical paper promoted the biblical promise of justice and mercy. Grounded in a firm belief in the God-given dignity or every human person, their movement was committed to nonviolence, voluntary poverty, and the Works of Mercy as a way of life. It was not long before Dorothy and Peter were putting clothes,” Dorothy Day explained, “but there is strong faith at work. We pray. If an outsider comes to visit us does not pay attention to our prayings and what that means, then he/she will miss the whole point.” It is unlikely that any religious community was ever less structured than the Catholic Worker. Each community is autonomous. There is no board of directors, no sponsor, no system of governance, no endowment, no pay checks, no pension plans. Since Dorothy Day’s death, there has been no central leader.
I find out that this movement has goals toward personal and social transformation as the means of Jesus revealed in his sacrifical love. With Christ as the exemplar, by prayer and communion with his Body and Blood, they strive for practices of:
- Nonviolence. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God” (Mat.5:9). Only through nonviolent action can a personalist revolution come about, one in which one evil will not be replaced simply by another. Thus, we oppose the deliberate taking of human life for any reason, and see every oppresion as blasphemy. Jesus taught us to take suffering upon ourselves rather than inflict it upon others and he calls us to fight against violence with the spiritual weapons of prayer, fasting and noncooperation with evil. Refusal topay taxes for war, to register for conscription, to comply with any unjust legislation; participation in nonviolent strikes and boycotts, protects or vigils; withdrawal of support for dominant systems, corporate funding or usurious practices are all excellent means to establish peace.
- The work of mercy (as found in Mat. 25:31-46) are the heart of the Gospel and they are clear mandates for our response to “the least of our brothers and sisters.” Houses of hospitality are centers for learning to do the acts of love, so that the poor can receive what is, in justice, theirs, the second coat in our closet, the spare room in our home, a place at our table. Anything beyond what we immediately need belongs to those who go without.
- Manual labor, in a society that rejects it as undignified and inferior. “Besides inducing cooperation, besides overcoming barriers and establishing the spirit of sister and brotherhood (besides just getting things done), manual labors enables us to use our bodies as well as our hands, our minds” (Dorothy Day). The Benedictine motto Ora et labora reminds us that the work of human hands is a gift for the edification of the world and the glory of God.
- Voluntary poverty. “The mystery of poverty is that by sharing in it, making ourselves poor in giving to others, we increase our knowledge and belief in love” (Dorothy Day). By embracing voluntary poverty, that is, by casting our lot freely with those whose impoverishment is not a choice, we would ask for the grace to abandon ourselves to the love of God. It would put us on the path to incarnate the Church’s “preferential option for the poor.”
Dorothy Day insisted , “We must be prepared to accept seeming failure with these aims, for sacrifice and suffering are part of the Christian life. Success, as the world determines it, is not the final criterion for judgments. The most important thing is the love of Jesus Christ and how to live his truth.
In my studies at CTU this spring semester 2005, I learned about Dorothy Day and I quote her interesting statements I selected of a book about her in my own weekly journal then I write some reflection upon them as follows:
“Our good readers absolve us from any charges of anticlericalism as they read these rather severe articles on the Church and work. They know that the wish of our heart is to bring closer together the priest and the people. There is a great division between two, and one of the very reasons for the Catholic Worker’s existence is to bridge this gap.” Even though Dorothy knew that the Catholic Church has dark side but she still believed and tried to match people to obey the Church (the authority). It is a hard duty and cordial effort that needs strong inner power to deal with because this kind of tension more often draws to depression and leaving the establishment, namely the Church. She was very faithful to Catholic’s religious practice such as prayer, daily Mass, meditation on the Bible. The Catholic Worker can exist until now because of this vision and mission, namely to connect the power of the Church and the people of God. If it makes separation, sooner or later, it will disappear.
“Poverty is a strange and elusive thing. I have tried to write about it, its joys and its sorrows, for twenty years now; I could probably write about it for another twenty years without conveying what I feel about it as well as I would like. I condemn poverty and I advocate it; poverty is simple and complex at once; it is a social phenomenon and a personal matter. It is a paradox.” Dorothy had very strong concern about the situation of poverty that she perceived as enemy to be overcome. In dealing with it, she realized that it will never finish to wipe out the poverty since it is more than personal matter but moreover social structure that makes people poor and fall in destitution. It is an utopia to kill poverty because people are bound in sins of greedy and proud so that always deep gap separate those two polars both the poor and the rich.
“The mystery of the poor is this: That they are Jesus, and what you do for them you do for Him. It is the only way we have of knowing and believing in our love. The mystery of poverty is that by sharing in it, making ourselves poor in giving to others, we increase our knowledge of and belief in love.” I am touched every time I enter the chapel of my ministry, a retreat house, where there is a mural of black and white colour depicting Jesus in the middle of people who take turn in line having food in a soup kitchen. What we do to the least of our brothers/sisters, we do to Jesus our Lord. When we do service with the retreatans in some shelters, I encounter Jesus in many faces of the poor and the needy. It is always struck me to see many people who are need attention and material need even in the richest country like the USA. I wonder with the reality that a lot of food is just thrown away every day and at the same time many people are hunger of food. Why is it happened? How do we connect this surplus and minus so that all get their part justly?
“Sometimes, I think the purpose of the Catholic Worker, quite aside from all our social aims, is to show the providence of God, how God loves us. We are a family, not an institution, in atmosphere, and so we address ourselves especially to families, who have all the woes of insecurity, sin, sickness, and death, side by side with all the joys of family. We talk about what we are doing, because we constantly wonder at the miracle of our continuance.” I believe that if we are doing God’s work and mission, even though it seems hard and impossible but it will be fulfilled eventually. I think it is the faith that Dorothy had in facing difficulty of many aspects and dimensions of her effort in the Catholic Worker. As a minsiter I called to be like so, namely, as an agent of God’s love and providence to the needy. In my own experience, it is my pleasure if I can connect one another in mutual relationship, not for my advantage but for others need. I think about a Buddhist teaching that mentions, “The highest peace of someone if she/he gives help to others.” It is very true that what I do to others without hope receive reply, it will give me peace in my deep heart.
“The most significant thing about the Catholic Worker is poverty, some say. The most significant thing is community, others say. We are not alone anymore. But the final word is love….We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.” Once again love and love to be a core theme in life of hero and heroine. The art to love and to be loved determine steps and paths of others to walk together toward ideal and dream. Dorothy had a dream to unite all people who need hospitality in one roof regardless their background. It is not always easy to bear it especially dealing with legal institution such as government, politic and even the Church. Love if it is legalized it will become rigid but if it is practiced in a flexible and creative ways it will lead to enthusiasm and authenticitiy of many people. In my experience in visiting some nursing homes, I have impression that our love that we share to elderly people is just limited to fit our schedule. We do not know whether they need our presence or not but what I know is it is a timetable that the retreat has and we should fulfill it. It requires my own attention that should have been beyond the schedule but out of love and generosity and also authenticity of my heart. This is my weekly journal I wrote last week regards my ministry at a retreat house: “Before noon we visited a nursing home and played Bingo with elderly people there and most of them Afro-Americans. We were coming back to the retreat house then having lunch (hamburger) then watching a video about Dorothy Day. Since they will finish their retreat this night, I went home earlier in the afternoon and next week I will go there again since there will be three groups for the retreat. I went home by CTA train: Orange, Green lines (in which majority are Afro-Americans) and a bus no. 15.” I am questioning myself: how do I deal with others who are not my concern beside people in my ministry? Do I care to others surround me who are so different to me and I have nothing to do with them? What is my sensitivity towards them as a human, religious and minister? All of these are bothered me as I see my quality of my life in the relationship to others.
“Buddhists teach that a man’s life is divided into three parts: the first part for education and growing up; the second for continued learning, through marriage and raising a family, involvement with the life of the senses, the mind, and the spirit; and the third period, the time of withdrawal from responsibility, letting go of the things of this life, letting God take over.” Dorothy was open to other spirituality especially if it gives real mening in the universal life of people. She believed that everything she had done would be given up to God alone since she was just God’s tool in this divine work. She was just an actor of God’s mission to love people unreservedly and she knew how to surrender only to God’s providence in her dusk age. The spirituality of letting go is not only suitable to old people but it invites me also to relativize and depend on God’s plan. I have plan for my future but at the same time also I should offer to God’s will. Not my will and my plan, O God but yours, that make me happy in this life. Let it be done according to your word only.
“The one thing that makes our work easier most certainly is the love we bear for each other and for the people for whom we work. The work becomes difficult only when there is quarreling and dissension and when one’s own heart is filled with a spirit of criticism.” Love is the greatest virtue in our faith that is used massively by many people in the world but sometimes without meaning and commitment. Love is not merely feeling to someone or something but moreover it is a commitment that needs to be renew day-to-day and time-to-time in the struggle of one’s life. It is a lifelong process that love is tested in ups and downs mood. Love is a clasis word and at the same time love is never ending story in human history in the world. I remember with a teaching of one of my philosophy professors who says: “To love and to be loved as a human being is a highest meaning in the life.” With love, many things that seem difficult can be overcome unbelievably. In the new millennium spirituality, I think love is always relevant to everybody because the more modern and complex our world, the more people need attention in their personal life and communication in pure love is difficult to find because most people are busy with their own agenda. In accord with this love, Dorothy stated confidently: “Love and ever more love is the only solution to every problem that comes up. If we love each other enough, we will bear with each other’s faults and burdens. If we love enough, we are going to light that fire in the hearts of others. And it is love that will burn out the sins and hatreds that sadden us. It is love that will make us want to do great things for each other. No sacrifice and no suffering will then seem too much.”
I end this paper with the works of mercy that Dorothy Day and Peter Maurin lived out their “active love.” The corporal works of mercy: feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, clothing the naked, offering hospitality to the homeless, caring for the sick, visiting the imprisoned, and burying the dead. The spiritual works of mercy: admonishing the sinner, instructing the ignorant, counseling the doubtful, comforting the sorrowful, bearing wrongs patiently, forgiving all injuries, praying for the living and the dead.
Name: Denny Wahyudi, SX
Course: Spirituality, Liturgy and the Quest for Justice (E-4345-1)
Professor: John T. Pawlikowski, OSM, Ph.D
Due: 12 May 2005
THE PROPER INTEGRATION OF LITURGY AND SOCIAL JUSTICE
ON A PRACTICAL LEVEL
With modals of having experience doing ministry practicum at David Darst Center for almost this one-year plus my study on this ethic class about spirituality, liturgy and quest for justice, I try to put them together in this reflection paper in order to integrate my experience and my learning. To put into practice what I have been learning at the class and my ministry site especially dealing with issues of social justice and peace is a life-long process that never finish after I write this paper or end my ministry and submit this paper. It will be continued, as I am becoming a minister in serving God’s people and doing follow-up reflection. I believe this paper will help me to see again sometimes in the future what I have been doing and reflecting both on my studies and ministry that I do at CTU in the context of City of Chicago.
David Darst Center is named in memory of Brother David Darst who was a peace activist during the Vietnam War. It was founded in August 2002 at the former All Saints-St. Anthony convent, located in the Bridgeport neighborhood of Chicago. Later that fall, the Center began to offer an immersion experience in urban ministries for high school and college students. Within that first year, the staff and volunteers prepared the facility for immersion retreats. The first retreat was held in February 2003.
David Darst, a Christian Brother and a teacher at Bishop Rummel High School in Omaha, was challenged by his students to recognize the momentous civil and social events that were transforming US society in the 1960s. He became a peace activist and author on social and political justice. He died in an auto crash near Auburn, Nebraska in 1969 at the age of 28. The Darst Center is dedicated not only to his memory, but to adopt his process of personal transformation, to know the world through the eyes of young people and the gospel.
Reflecting the spirit and mission of Saint John Baptist de La Salle and in communion with all who work for social justice and the advancement of peace, the work of The Brother David Darst Center seeks to advance the social and self-understanding of young people, inviting their participation in multicultural urban ministries as a response to and an extension of the gospel call of Jesus Christ. At the center, we examine the complexities of human need through direct involvement, discussion and study of the social structures that perpetuate poverty and injustice.
Unique to the center, students are empowered to process their experiences through discussion, reflection and peer led prayer. The format begins with direct experience of various social ministries followed by time given to personal reflection through journal writing on the experience, social analysis of why an agency at which they volunteered is necessary in US society such as a homeless shelter or soup kitchen and finally personal/group plans for serving the poor and marginalized in their home environment. Various field experiences constitute the “subject matter” of the retreat workshop and take place at a variety of local social agencies that benefit those in need.
Some of the retreatans wrote on their evaluation after their retreats, “Experience Chicago through service to others is a call for each one of us.” Brother John Johnston, F.S.C points out that we have to ‘see’ more vividly and to ‘feel’ more intensely the poverty that exists throughout the world, in our cities and perhaps in our own ‘backyard.’ More than see and feel we have to strive to understand its causes. Awareness of this reality and of our relationship to it is the first step in the process of acquiring the virtue of solidarity. To grow in awareness we all have need of what is frequently called ‘exposure’, direct contact with the poor and with the world that is theirs.
The urban social ministries immersion experience for senior high school and college students is a workshop retreat conducted as an extended weekend (3 days) or longer during breaks in the academic year (1-7 days). Group of up to 18 students reside in an urban setting as a community accompanied by at least one facilitator from the cooperating high school or college. The workshop/retreat employs the hermeneutic or pastoral circle, combining direct service learning experiences in various urban ministries (such as health, shelter, child care and education and urban ecology) with opportunities to develop theoretical understandings and considerations of personal and social options and participation in direct action on behalf of socially marginalized peoples. Daily communal prayers, meal preparation, recreational and educational sessions are designed to reflect on and extend the work and observations conducted at ministry site. The program directors have an established relationship with many of the social agencies that will be used as the sites for the field experiences (such as The Chicago Food Depository, Su Casa Catholic Worker House, The Port, San Miguel Schools, Chicago Public Schools) and continue to develop relationships with other ministries.
The initial immersion experience is a general exposure to various kinds of urban ministries (education, provision of food and shelter, health care, and urban ecology). As a second level, immersion experiences respond to the express interests of the participants. If, for example, a group chooses to focus on criminal justice and the penal system, the participants visit the courts and Cook County Jail and meet with individuals who are engaged in ministry in these setting, dialogue with people who have been incarcerated, reflect on key Scriptures that confront the issue of human imprisonment, consider contemporary documents (such as the U.S. Bishop’s statement on prisons) for social background and develop a personal and social response. Responses could include maintaining correspondence with a prisoner, or working with local and national organizations for penal reform. With an evolving curriculum, it is possible for groups or individuals to participate in immersions for several years and be introduced to different aspects of urban ministry.
A common goal of these retreat workshops is for the group to continue in prayer, reflection and action on behalf of the poor and marginalized when they return to their home institution under the leadership of the facilitators who shared in the experience.
A lot of insights and gifts I can draw from these ministry experiences and I will share some of them as follows:
Being a minister in this site in the beginning was quite difficult for me because I have to adjust and adapt with the environment, situation, system, culture that are different with my own. I am from Indonesia, as a Chinese descendant who was born and raised in Javanese culture (I was born in East Java, Indonesia) and this site is America (the U.S.A) with diverse cultures as well. So, it is really a cross-cultural immersion I ever have in my life beside my previous experience in Indonesia with its own diversity in various aspects.
As a co-minister at David Darst Center, my involvement at this site is being improved little by little as I try to share my experience in conducting the retreats. Some of my active participation I have been doing at this ministry so far are conducting retreatans once to a Sunday Mass at Saint Therese Church in Chinatown in which my Xaverian congregation has ministry, giving a rope game that has a spiritual meaning, participating in group discussions, accompanying retreatans to have field trip to see downtown Chicago, engaging in conversations with retreatans and those whom we visited at some sites, leading a night prayer, and helping my supervisor in little things at the retreat house.
One thing that makes me glad and proud is that my rope game that has a cross meaning was used by other ministers at retreats while I was not there. This game has a meaningful lesson for retreatans as they immerse in this kind of retreat because it gives them both fun and core meaning of their basic call as Christians. The cross meaning that I give here is drawn from this double rope that they have to figure out how to untie them as two persons trying it. After they give up then I explain how to solve it with asking them to make a cross with their rope, then I ask them the meaning of this cross (two ropes in horizontal and vertical lines). The horizontal line is the relationship between human beings and the vertical one is the relationship between human being and God. I continue to ask, “Who does have first initiative to solve human problems?” According to our faith, the answer definitely is God. So, with the initiative of God first plus cooperation of human action and will, the problem (the tied ropes) is solved easily. It starts with the vertical rope moves and the horizontal one receives cooperatively this movement then enters into one hole of the rope, and finally the ropes untie easily. When I gave it to Skutt High School from Omaha-Nebraska (about 18 people), some of them, namely, a chaperon and a teacher said, “Thank you for your game, it is a very interesting game.
I will use it in other retreats with our students and our faculty.” I replied, “Thank you. It will be great.” I applied this game in a session of retreat process.
After giving this game, I had chance to talk more about other things, namely, I gave them a picture that depicts the face of Jesus. I said to them, “As you find and see the face of Jesus, please try to see the face of Jesus in the people whom we will meet this coming days at this retreat process. Like in the mural at this chapel, may you see Jesus in the middle of us.” I wonder that I could speak like so in front of them and they looked like paying attention to me intently.
Having experiences a couple of times in visiting and volunteering at Hogan soup kitchen at Su Casa Catholic Worker House on 5045 South Laflin, Chicago leads me to a deep meaning in viewing homeless problem in the USA as well as the issue of immigrant from Latin American countries who live at this Catholic Worker House. With the retreatans, I come to know that this house is for hospitality helping some Latinos families to have better life in Chicago. They immigrated to the USA because of terrible experience in their countries such as Guatemala, El Salavador and Mexico. They endured experience being tortured, raped and abused by violent military power both at their own country and the USA. One of the ministers I could see on the pictures hang on the wall is Sister Dianna Ortiz who had horrible long life impact being tortured, raped and mentally destroyed by military soldiers in Guatemala as she was doing a mission service to God’s people. The introduction of Su Casa Catholic Worker House to us especially given by a sister, named Sister Pat who used to minister at this house with Sister Dianna Ortiz post her traumatic experience of torture in Guatemala in 1990’s mentioned about a book entitled Blindfold’s Eyes, My Journey from Torture to Truth, illustrating the real story of Dianna Ortiz that eventually I could borrow and read from CTU library.
I saw some young volunteers who work at this house, some of them are coming from Germany. There are about 6 families who live at this house, complete with their family members including mothers, fathers and children. This Latino hospitality house is provided with a Sunday soup kitchen, community garden (especially for summer), tutoring, and neighborhood kid activities. Cleaning activities and or special projects on the building like painting may be facilitated by Su Casa staffs. It is helpful when Darst students come with activities to play or work with children. If large groups of volunteers, best to split group and have half playing with kids, the other half cleaning.
At Hogan soup kitchen, volunteers join Englewood residents for a Sunday afternoon meal and are encouraged to interact with those at their table. Volunteers then listen to a talk by Freida, an Afro-American lady who is helped by Brother Dennis Murphy, F.S.C from poverty to success as a nursing student and mother of three outstanding sons and she works as CTA bus driver as well. Her spontaneous sharing to us is very helpful to know the struggle and hope of people who are being transformed by this Catholic Social Worker House. Even though she is not Catholic but the light of witness of the minister such as Brother Dennis really a remarkable life witness to people around this area. She is in charge responsibly to the soup kitchen in which mostly Afro-Africans who come to this place are very familiar with this lady. Sitting down together with people who come at the soup kitchen then enjoying together lunch served by other volunteers is not easy for the first time because we have to leave our secure feeling to reach strangers who are very different with us in many aspects. Physically they are not interesting with their smelly and dirty clothes we have to accept them with respect on their dignities as human beings.
It is an activity of transformation for us who are present among these people, not only giving anonymous service without care but we are all invited to intermingling with them. I notice that many volunteers who serve food are not having conversation with these people, so our presence in the midst of people at the soup kitchen or shelter gives a different impression to them. This is one of the intentions of this immersion of social justice retreat that we apply to the retreatans.
Having Mass at Saint Basil Visitation Church or Holy Angel Church and SPRED Chapel is really a cross-cultural immersion and giving a new insight and concern to social justice issue especially those who are different with us in ethnicity and intellectual level both for me and for retreatans. Most of us never came to a Catholic church with Afro-Americans style and for me coming to SPRED chapel, which is held on the first Sunday of the month for Catholics with mental and physical handicaps is struck me. It reminds me on the issue of concern to social justice to the disabled that I never came to my mind seriously. They are also God’s children who have same dignity with us.
I am grateful having this experience in such a ministry that is giving concern to social justice issues in practical levels in the form of retreat with young people in the context of Chicago. Not only theory and statistic knowledge of homeless people and other issues but also involving in some services and being present with others are always implementation of act of justice. All in all, it invites me to continue my concern to these services to others wherever I will be assigned as a minister.
It is always interesting to know impressions of retreatans who have experience of this retreat. Here, all of us hope that their concern is not ending after this retreat but it will continue on their journey as we intent to do this retreat. Some of them write: “My eyes are considerably more open,” “I will seek out similar situations and opportunities to meet and serve people from all walk of life,” “I’ve learned to give,” “I have learned I can love total strangers,” “I am no different than those who require assistance,” “I’ve seen more of the struggles that people face daily and I better understand how grateful I am for all I have,” “I have a greater appreciation of my life,” “I learned a lot about people. Between the service projects, group discussions, and a very interesting worship service, I learned that it takes all of us watching out for each other to make a just environment,” “I have learned to give people a chance.”
Finally, I quote a sharing of Catholic Social Teachings: Challenges and Directions by U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, “Sadly, our social doctrine is not shared or taught in a consistent and comprehensive way in too many of our schools, seminaries, religious education programs, colleges, and universities. We need to build on the good work already underway to ensure that every Catholic understands how the Gospels and church teaching call us to choose life, to serve the least among us, to hunger and thirst for justice, and to be peacemakers. The sharing of our social tradition is a defining measure of Catholic education and formation…..”
“…I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to visit me” (Matthew 25:31-46).
My respond to the call….
2) Hari Minggu Paskah Ke-7, 08 Mei 2005
Senin, 02 Mei 2005. Sebelum kuliah saya membaca sebuah buku karangan Paul Knitter berjudul Introducing Theologies of Religions, tentang empat model dalam dialog antar agama, yaitu: replacement model, fulfillment model, mutuality model dan acceptance model. Setelah makan malam saya pusing kepala lalu minum obat dan langsung tidur.
Selasa, 03 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saya mengikuti pertemuan kelompok refleksi teologi saya di rumah Claretian. Sore harinya saya memasak untuk komunitas dengan menu: semur babi dan nasi. Dari Internet saya mendapatkan alamat website kelompok katolik Indonesia di Orlando-Florida dan website kelompok Choice Jakarta yaitu: choicersjakarta@yahoogroups.com
Rabu, 04 Mei 2005. Tengah hari saya mengikuti kuliah spiritualitas millennium yang kali ini Cajetan memberikan presentasi tentang Paus Yohanes Paulus II. Malam harinya saya mengerjakan paper tentang Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
Kamis, 05 Mei 2005. Setelah makan malam kami mengadakan rapat komunitas membahas dan berdiskusi tentang tema ‘pelayanan kerasulan’.
Jumat, 06 Mei 2005. Pagi hari dari jam 9 hingga 2.15 sore saya mengikuti workshop di CTU yaitu Pearl and Treasures workshop yang kali ini bertema Stewardship and Fundraising. Ini workshop ke-6 dan yang terakhir dari jenis workshop ini yang telah saya ikuti untuk persyaratan lulus program M.Div (Master of Divinity). Waktu yang tersisa hari ini saya gunakan untuk menyelesaikan paper saya dengan penuh konsentrasi yaitu Etika dan Spiritualitas millennium hingga tengah malam saya dapat mencetak semuanya.
Sabtu, 07 Mei 2005. Pagi hari ini saya memulai mengerjakan paper Dialog antaragama untuk kuliahnya Anthony Gittin yaitu kuliah berjudul Development of Mission Theology dan mencuci serta menyeterika baju saya sendiri (acara rutin mingguan). Di sore hari ada latihan koor Kelompok PWKI (Paguyuban Warga Katolik Indonesia di Chicago) di basement rumah kami, Xaverian, Hyde Park. Pukul 6.15 sore kami bersama para tamu yang baru selesai berlatih koor, berdoa sore bersama di kapel kami dan makan malam bersama dengan menu masakan Lebanon sebagai ucapan syukur dan terima kasih kami sebagai komunitas teologi Xaverian di Chicago kepada para anggota PWKI di Chicago atas perhatian dan bantuannya dalam acara tahbisan diakonat Frater Petrus, sx. Kami melanjutkan acara ramah tamah ini dengan berjoged dan menari diiringi musik.
Minggu, 08 Mei 2005. Kami mengikuti misa bahasa Indonesia di Gereja Santa Theresia Chinatown dipimpin oleh Romo Edi, osc dan Frater Diakon Petrus, sx sebagai pengkhotbahnya. Ada sekitar 40 orang yang hadir dalam acara misa yang biasanya diadakan sebulan sekali ini. Dalam khotbahnya Frater Petrus menarik benang merah dari empat peristiwa hari ini yaitu: Hari Ibu (di USA), bulan Mei sebagai bulan Maria, Hari Kenaikan Kristus ke Surga dan Hari Evangelisasi di Keuskupan Agung Chicago, dengan tema pokoknya: PENYERTAAN. Kami melanjutkan acara ramah tamah di basement gereja Santa Theresia ini sementara udara di luar cukup hangat yaitu sekitar 27 derajat Celsius.
Monday, May 02, 2005. Before attending class I was reading a book written by Paul Knitter entitled Introducing Theologies of Religions, about four models interreligious dialogue, namely, replacement model, fulfillment model, mutuality model and acceptance model. After supper I felt headache then I took medicine and went to sleep directly.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005. In the morning I had theological reflection group meeting at Claretian House. In the afternoon I cooked for my community with menu: pork soup (semur babi) and rice. From Internet I found out the website of Indonesian Catholic Group in Orlando-Florida and choicersjakarta@yahoogroups.com
Wednesday, May 04, 2005. At noon I attended Millennium Spirituality class in which Cajetan presented Pope John Paul II. At night I worked on my Bonhoeffer paper.
Thursday, May 05, 2005. After supper we had community meeting with topic about ministry.
Friday, May 06, 2005. In the morning from 9 to 2.15 p.m. I attended a Pearl and Treasures workshop at CTU with its topic about Stewardship and Fundraising. It’s the 6th and the last workshop of Pearl and Treasures I have attended at CTU as requirements of M.Div program. The rest of the day I concentrated myself to finish my paper both on Ethic and Millennium Spirituality and at midnight I could print them out.
Saturday, May 07, 2005. In the morning I did paper of Interreligious Dialogue for Anthony Gittin’s class (Development of Mission Theology) and did laundry of my own clothes (my weekly routine schedule). In the afternoon there was choir practice of Indonesian Catholic group for the Indonesian Mass tomorrow. At 6.15 p.m. we had prayer together at our chapel with our guests and supper (Lebanese food) to utter our gratitude as the Xaverian theology community to the Indonesian Catholic group in Chicago for their assistance and attention to Petrus’ deaconate ordination. We continued our hospitality with dance and music.
Sunday, May 08, 2005. We attended Indonesian Mass at 11 a.m. at Saint Therese Church in Chinatown, presided by Father Edi, osc and Deacon Petrus, sx as the preacher. There were about 40 people coming to this Mass. He points out four occasions on today’s celebration, namely: Mother’s Day, May as the month of Mary, the Ascension of Christ and the Evangelization Day of Archdiocese of Chicago, with its bottom line about ‘escortment’. We continued with hospitality and lunch at the basement of Saint Therese Church while the weather today is very nice, about 80 degrees Fahrenheit (= 27 degrees Celsius).
Name: Denny Wahyudi, SX
Course: Spirituality, Liturgy and the Quest for Justice (E-4345-1)
Professor: John T. Pawlikowski, OSM, Ph.D
Due: May 12, 2005
DOROTHY DAY (1897-1980)
AND CATHOLIC WORKER MOVEMENT
At the end of my first year studying English in Milwaukee-Wisconsin, I volunteered for five days at the Catholic Worker House in Milwaukee. I never knew what is Catholic Worker House and who is Dorothy Day as the founder. Having experience of this immersion at this Catholic Worker House, I came to know more about this ‘divine work’, I can say, because I believe that young people who lived in this houseare devoted volunteers who had good will to serve others especially the poor and the needy. A lot of good experiences I could draw of this immersion. One of those experiences is that I took part in a protest/demonstration against Taco Bell Restaurant in Milwaukee together with three other young people, I stood in front of this restaurant voicing the fare wage of tomatoes pickers in California. We shared flyers to people who passed by this street and we yelled loudly our just action and holded written banners and posters both in English and Spanish. I never had experience in such demonstration in Indonesia, so it was a quite new one for me.
In addition, as I minister at David Darst Center, a retreat house for justice and peace as my M.Div ministry practicum, I have another experience with Catholic Worker House in which I visited a couple of times with retreatans. I can feel the atmosphere of hospitality at this SU CASA Catholic Worker House in Chicago that provides soup kitchen, called Hogan, serving poor people for lunch every Sunday. It is interesting experience that together with the retreatans, who are mostly Caucasians (White Americans) from middle class, I took part in line outside to get in the soup kitchen and having conversation with those people who are mostly African Americans. It reminds me the image of Jesus in the middle of homeless people who are in line at a soup kitchen as it is depicted in a mural at the chapel of retreat house. This Catholic Worker House is inhabited by refugees from Latin Americas and one of the ministers here in the past was Sister Dianna Ortiz who had been raped and tortured in Guatemala and I found and read her book entitled The Blindfold’s Eyes, My Journey from Torture to Truth that is very real moving story to me.
After studying of Dorothy Day, I come to understand what kind of this movement. The Catholic Worker Movement began simply enough on May 1, 1933, when a journalist named Dorothy Day and a French philospher named Peter Maurin teamed up to publish and distribute a newspaper called “The Catholic Worker.” This radical paper promoted the biblical promise of justice and mercy. Grounded in a firm belief in the God-given dignity or every human person, their movement was committed to nonviolence, voluntary poverty, and the Works of Mercy as a way of life. It was not long before Dorothy and Peter were putting clothes,” Dorothy Day explained, “but there is strong faith at work. We pray. If an outsider comes to visit us does not pay attention to our prayings and what that means, then he/she will miss the whole point.” It is unlikely that any religious community was ever less structured than the Catholic Worker. Each community is autonomous. There is no board of directors, no sponsor, no system of governance, no endowment, no pay checks, no pension plans. Since Dorothy Day’s death, there has been no central leader.
I find out that this movement has goals toward personal and social transformation as the means of Jesus revealed in his sacrifical love. With Christ as the exemplar, by prayer and communion with his Body and Blood, they strive for practices of:
- Nonviolence. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God” (Mat.5:9). Only through nonviolent action can a personalist revolution come about, one in which one evil will not be replaced simply by another. Thus, we oppose the deliberate taking of human life for any reason, and see every oppresion as blasphemy. Jesus taught us to take suffering upon ourselves rather than inflict it upon others and he calls us to fight against violence with the spiritual weapons of prayer, fasting and noncooperation with evil. Refusal topay taxes for war, to register for conscription, to comply with any unjust legislation; participation in nonviolent strikes and boycotts, protects or vigils; withdrawal of support for dominant systems, corporate funding or usurious practices are all excellent means to establish peace.
- The work of mercy (as found in Mat. 25:31-46) are the heart of the Gospel and they are clear mandates for our response to “the least of our brothers and sisters.” Houses of hospitality are centers for learning to do the acts of love, so that the poor can receive what is, in justice, theirs, the second coat in our closet, the spare room in our home, a place at our table. Anything beyond what we immediately need belongs to those who go without.
- Manual labor, in a society that rejects it as undignified and inferior. “Besides inducing cooperation, besides overcoming barriers and establishing the spirit of sister and brotherhood (besides just getting things done), manual labors enables us to use our bodies as well as our hands, our minds” (Dorothy Day). The Benedictine motto Ora et labora reminds us that the work of human hands is a gift for the edification of the world and the glory of God.
- Voluntary poverty. “The mystery of poverty is that by sharing in it, making ourselves poor in giving to others, we increase our knowledge and belief in love” (Dorothy Day). By embracing voluntary poverty, that is, by casting our lot freely with those whose impoverishment is not a choice, we would ask for the grace to abandon ourselves to the love of God. It would put us on the path to incarnate the Church’s “preferential option for the poor.”
Dorothy Day insisted , “We must be prepared to accept seeming failure with these aims, for sacrifice and suffering are part of the Christian life. Success, as the world determines it, is not the final criterion for judgments. The most important thing is the love of Jesus Christ and how to live his truth.
In my studies at CTU this spring semester 2005, I learned about Dorothy Day and I quote her interesting statements I selected of a book about her in my own weekly journal then I write some reflection upon them as follows:
“Our good readers absolve us from any charges of anticlericalism as they read these rather severe articles on the Church and work. They know that the wish of our heart is to bring closer together the priest and the people. There is a great division between two, and one of the very reasons for the Catholic Worker’s existence is to bridge this gap.” Even though Dorothy knew that the Catholic Church has dark side but she still believed and tried to match people to obey the Church (the authority). It is a hard duty and cordial effort that needs strong inner power to deal with because this kind of tension more often draws to depression and leaving the establishment, namely the Church. She was very faithful to Catholic’s religious practice such as prayer, daily Mass, meditation on the Bible. The Catholic Worker can exist until now because of this vision and mission, namely to connect the power of the Church and the people of God. If it makes separation, sooner or later, it will disappear.
“Poverty is a strange and elusive thing. I have tried to write about it, its joys and its sorrows, for twenty years now; I could probably write about it for another twenty years without conveying what I feel about it as well as I would like. I condemn poverty and I advocate it; poverty is simple and complex at once; it is a social phenomenon and a personal matter. It is a paradox.” Dorothy had very strong concern about the situation of poverty that she perceived as enemy to be overcome. In dealing with it, she realized that it will never finish to wipe out the poverty since it is more than personal matter but moreover social structure that makes people poor and fall in destitution. It is an utopia to kill poverty because people are bound in sins of greedy and proud so that always deep gap separate those two polars both the poor and the rich.
“The mystery of the poor is this: That they are Jesus, and what you do for them you do for Him. It is the only way we have of knowing and believing in our love. The mystery of poverty is that by sharing in it, making ourselves poor in giving to others, we increase our knowledge of and belief in love.” I am touched every time I enter the chapel of my ministry, a retreat house, where there is a mural of black and white colour depicting Jesus in the middle of people who take turn in line having food in a soup kitchen. What we do to the least of our brothers/sisters, we do to Jesus our Lord. When we do service with the retreatans in some shelters, I encounter Jesus in many faces of the poor and the needy. It is always struck me to see many people who are need attention and material need even in the richest country like the USA. I wonder with the reality that a lot of food is just thrown away every day and at the same time many people are hunger of food. Why is it happened? How do we connect this surplus and minus so that all get their part justly?
“Sometimes, I think the purpose of the Catholic Worker, quite aside from all our social aims, is to show the providence of God, how God loves us. We are a family, not an institution, in atmosphere, and so we address ourselves especially to families, who have all the woes of insecurity, sin, sickness, and death, side by side with all the joys of family. We talk about what we are doing, because we constantly wonder at the miracle of our continuance.” I believe that if we are doing God’s work and mission, even though it seems hard and impossible but it will be fulfilled eventually. I think it is the faith that Dorothy had in facing difficulty of many aspects and dimensions of her effort in the Catholic Worker. As a minsiter I called to be like so, namely, as an agent of God’s love and providence to the needy. In my own experience, it is my pleasure if I can connect one another in mutual relationship, not for my advantage but for others need. I think about a Buddhist teaching that mentions, “The highest peace of someone if she/he gives help to others.” It is very true that what I do to others without hope receive reply, it will give me peace in my deep heart.
“The most significant thing about the Catholic Worker is poverty, some say. The most significant thing is community, others say. We are not alone anymore. But the final word is love….We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.” Once again love and love to be a core theme in life of hero and heroine. The art to love and to be loved determine steps and paths of others to walk together toward ideal and dream. Dorothy had a dream to unite all people who need hospitality in one roof regardless their background. It is not always easy to bear it especially dealing with legal institution such as government, politic and even the Church. Love if it is legalized it will become rigid but if it is practiced in a flexible and creative ways it will lead to enthusiasm and authenticitiy of many people. In my experience in visiting some nursing homes, I have impression that our love that we share to elderly people is just limited to fit our schedule. We do not know whether they need our presence or not but what I know is it is a timetable that the retreat has and we should fulfill it. It requires my own attention that should have been beyond the schedule but out of love and generosity and also authenticity of my heart. This is my weekly journal I wrote last week regards my ministry at a retreat house: “Before noon we visited a nursing home and played Bingo with elderly people there and most of them Afro-Americans. We were coming back to the retreat house then having lunch (hamburger) then watching a video about Dorothy Day. Since they will finish their retreat this night, I went home earlier in the afternoon and next week I will go there again since there will be three groups for the retreat. I went home by CTA train: Orange, Green lines (in which majority are Afro-Americans) and a bus no. 15.” I am questioning myself: how do I deal with others who are not my concern beside people in my ministry? Do I care to others surround me who are so different to me and I have nothing to do with them? What is my sensitivity towards them as a human, religious and minister? All of these are bothered me as I see my quality of my life in the relationship to others.
“Buddhists teach that a man’s life is divided into three parts: the first part for education and growing up; the second for continued learning, through marriage and raising a family, involvement with the life of the senses, the mind, and the spirit; and the third period, the time of withdrawal from responsibility, letting go of the things of this life, letting God take over.” Dorothy was open to other spirituality especially if it gives real mening in the universal life of people. She believed that everything she had done would be given up to God alone since she was just God’s tool in this divine work. She was just an actor of God’s mission to love people unreservedly and she knew how to surrender only to God’s providence in her dusk age. The spirituality of letting go is not only suitable to old people but it invites me also to relativize and depend on God’s plan. I have plan for my future but at the same time also I should offer to God’s will. Not my will and my plan, O God but yours, that make me happy in this life. Let it be done according to your word only.
“The one thing that makes our work easier most certainly is the love we bear for each other and for the people for whom we work. The work becomes difficult only when there is quarreling and dissension and when one’s own heart is filled with a spirit of criticism.” Love is the greatest virtue in our faith that is used massively by many people in the world but sometimes without meaning and commitment. Love is not merely feeling to someone or something but moreover it is a commitment that needs to be renew day-to-day and time-to-time in the struggle of one’s life. It is a lifelong process that love is tested in ups and downs mood. Love is a clasis word and at the same time love is never ending story in human history in the world. I remember with a teaching of one of my philosophy professors who says: “To love and to be loved as a human being is a highest meaning in the life.” With love, many things that seem difficult can be overcome unbelievably. In the new millennium spirituality, I think love is always relevant to everybody because the more modern and complex our world, the more people need attention in their personal life and communication in pure love is difficult to find because most people are busy with their own agenda. In accord with this love, Dorothy stated confidently: “Love and ever more love is the only solution to every problem that comes up. If we love each other enough, we will bear with each other’s faults and burdens. If we love enough, we are going to light that fire in the hearts of others. And it is love that will burn out the sins and hatreds that sadden us. It is love that will make us want to do great things for each other. No sacrifice and no suffering will then seem too much.”
I end this paper with the works of mercy that Dorothy Day and Peter Maurin lived out their “active love.” The corporal works of mercy: feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, clothing the naked, offering hospitality to the homeless, caring for the sick, visiting the imprisoned, and burying the dead. The spiritual works of mercy: admonishing the sinner, instructing the ignorant, counseling the doubtful, comforting the sorrowful, bearing wrongs patiently, forgiving all injuries, praying for the living and the dead.
Name: Denny Wahyudi, SX
Course: Spirituality, Liturgy and the Quest for Justice (E-4345-1)
Professor: John T. Pawlikowski, OSM, Ph.D
Due: 12 May 2005
THE PROPER INTEGRATION OF LITURGY AND SOCIAL JUSTICE
ON A PRACTICAL LEVEL
With modals of having experience doing ministry practicum at David Darst Center for almost this one-year plus my study on this ethic class about spirituality, liturgy and quest for justice, I try to put them together in this reflection paper in order to integrate my experience and my learning. To put into practice what I have been learning at the class and my ministry site especially dealing with issues of social justice and peace is a life-long process that never finish after I write this paper or end my ministry and submit this paper. It will be continued, as I am becoming a minister in serving God’s people and doing follow-up reflection. I believe this paper will help me to see again sometimes in the future what I have been doing and reflecting both on my studies and ministry that I do at CTU in the context of City of Chicago.
David Darst Center is named in memory of Brother David Darst who was a peace activist during the Vietnam War. It was founded in August 2002 at the former All Saints-St. Anthony convent, located in the Bridgeport neighborhood of Chicago. Later that fall, the Center began to offer an immersion experience in urban ministries for high school and college students. Within that first year, the staff and volunteers prepared the facility for immersion retreats. The first retreat was held in February 2003.
David Darst, a Christian Brother and a teacher at Bishop Rummel High School in Omaha, was challenged by his students to recognize the momentous civil and social events that were transforming US society in the 1960s. He became a peace activist and author on social and political justice. He died in an auto crash near Auburn, Nebraska in 1969 at the age of 28. The Darst Center is dedicated not only to his memory, but to adopt his process of personal transformation, to know the world through the eyes of young people and the gospel.
Reflecting the spirit and mission of Saint John Baptist de La Salle and in communion with all who work for social justice and the advancement of peace, the work of The Brother David Darst Center seeks to advance the social and self-understanding of young people, inviting their participation in multicultural urban ministries as a response to and an extension of the gospel call of Jesus Christ. At the center, we examine the complexities of human need through direct involvement, discussion and study of the social structures that perpetuate poverty and injustice.
Unique to the center, students are empowered to process their experiences through discussion, reflection and peer led prayer. The format begins with direct experience of various social ministries followed by time given to personal reflection through journal writing on the experience, social analysis of why an agency at which they volunteered is necessary in US society such as a homeless shelter or soup kitchen and finally personal/group plans for serving the poor and marginalized in their home environment. Various field experiences constitute the “subject matter” of the retreat workshop and take place at a variety of local social agencies that benefit those in need.
Some of the retreatans wrote on their evaluation after their retreats, “Experience Chicago through service to others is a call for each one of us.” Brother John Johnston, F.S.C points out that we have to ‘see’ more vividly and to ‘feel’ more intensely the poverty that exists throughout the world, in our cities and perhaps in our own ‘backyard.’ More than see and feel we have to strive to understand its causes. Awareness of this reality and of our relationship to it is the first step in the process of acquiring the virtue of solidarity. To grow in awareness we all have need of what is frequently called ‘exposure’, direct contact with the poor and with the world that is theirs.
The urban social ministries immersion experience for senior high school and college students is a workshop retreat conducted as an extended weekend (3 days) or longer during breaks in the academic year (1-7 days). Group of up to 18 students reside in an urban setting as a community accompanied by at least one facilitator from the cooperating high school or college. The workshop/retreat employs the hermeneutic or pastoral circle, combining direct service learning experiences in various urban ministries (such as health, shelter, child care and education and urban ecology) with opportunities to develop theoretical understandings and considerations of personal and social options and participation in direct action on behalf of socially marginalized peoples. Daily communal prayers, meal preparation, recreational and educational sessions are designed to reflect on and extend the work and observations conducted at ministry site. The program directors have an established relationship with many of the social agencies that will be used as the sites for the field experiences (such as The Chicago Food Depository, Su Casa Catholic Worker House, The Port, San Miguel Schools, Chicago Public Schools) and continue to develop relationships with other ministries.
The initial immersion experience is a general exposure to various kinds of urban ministries (education, provision of food and shelter, health care, and urban ecology). As a second level, immersion experiences respond to the express interests of the participants. If, for example, a group chooses to focus on criminal justice and the penal system, the participants visit the courts and Cook County Jail and meet with individuals who are engaged in ministry in these setting, dialogue with people who have been incarcerated, reflect on key Scriptures that confront the issue of human imprisonment, consider contemporary documents (such as the U.S. Bishop’s statement on prisons) for social background and develop a personal and social response. Responses could include maintaining correspondence with a prisoner, or working with local and national organizations for penal reform. With an evolving curriculum, it is possible for groups or individuals to participate in immersions for several years and be introduced to different aspects of urban ministry.
A common goal of these retreat workshops is for the group to continue in prayer, reflection and action on behalf of the poor and marginalized when they return to their home institution under the leadership of the facilitators who shared in the experience.
A lot of insights and gifts I can draw from these ministry experiences and I will share some of them as follows:
Being a minister in this site in the beginning was quite difficult for me because I have to adjust and adapt with the environment, situation, system, culture that are different with my own. I am from Indonesia, as a Chinese descendant who was born and raised in Javanese culture (I was born in East Java, Indonesia) and this site is America (the U.S.A) with diverse cultures as well. So, it is really a cross-cultural immersion I ever have in my life beside my previous experience in Indonesia with its own diversity in various aspects.
As a co-minister at David Darst Center, my involvement at this site is being improved little by little as I try to share my experience in conducting the retreats. Some of my active participation I have been doing at this ministry so far are conducting retreatans once to a Sunday Mass at Saint Therese Church in Chinatown in which my Xaverian congregation has ministry, giving a rope game that has a spiritual meaning, participating in group discussions, accompanying retreatans to have field trip to see downtown Chicago, engaging in conversations with retreatans and those whom we visited at some sites, leading a night prayer, and helping my supervisor in little things at the retreat house.
One thing that makes me glad and proud is that my rope game that has a cross meaning was used by other ministers at retreats while I was not there. This game has a meaningful lesson for retreatans as they immerse in this kind of retreat because it gives them both fun and core meaning of their basic call as Christians. The cross meaning that I give here is drawn from this double rope that they have to figure out how to untie them as two persons trying it. After they give up then I explain how to solve it with asking them to make a cross with their rope, then I ask them the meaning of this cross (two ropes in horizontal and vertical lines). The horizontal line is the relationship between human beings and the vertical one is the relationship between human being and God. I continue to ask, “Who does have first initiative to solve human problems?” According to our faith, the answer definitely is God. So, with the initiative of God first plus cooperation of human action and will, the problem (the tied ropes) is solved easily. It starts with the vertical rope moves and the horizontal one receives cooperatively this movement then enters into one hole of the rope, and finally the ropes untie easily. When I gave it to Skutt High School from Omaha-Nebraska (about 18 people), some of them, namely, a chaperon and a teacher said, “Thank you for your game, it is a very interesting game.
I will use it in other retreats with our students and our faculty.” I replied, “Thank you. It will be great.” I applied this game in a session of retreat process.
After giving this game, I had chance to talk more about other things, namely, I gave them a picture that depicts the face of Jesus. I said to them, “As you find and see the face of Jesus, please try to see the face of Jesus in the people whom we will meet this coming days at this retreat process. Like in the mural at this chapel, may you see Jesus in the middle of us.” I wonder that I could speak like so in front of them and they looked like paying attention to me intently.
Having experiences a couple of times in visiting and volunteering at Hogan soup kitchen at Su Casa Catholic Worker House on 5045 South Laflin, Chicago leads me to a deep meaning in viewing homeless problem in the USA as well as the issue of immigrant from Latin American countries who live at this Catholic Worker House. With the retreatans, I come to know that this house is for hospitality helping some Latinos families to have better life in Chicago. They immigrated to the USA because of terrible experience in their countries such as Guatemala, El Salavador and Mexico. They endured experience being tortured, raped and abused by violent military power both at their own country and the USA. One of the ministers I could see on the pictures hang on the wall is Sister Dianna Ortiz who had horrible long life impact being tortured, raped and mentally destroyed by military soldiers in Guatemala as she was doing a mission service to God’s people. The introduction of Su Casa Catholic Worker House to us especially given by a sister, named Sister Pat who used to minister at this house with Sister Dianna Ortiz post her traumatic experience of torture in Guatemala in 1990’s mentioned about a book entitled Blindfold’s Eyes, My Journey from Torture to Truth, illustrating the real story of Dianna Ortiz that eventually I could borrow and read from CTU library.
I saw some young volunteers who work at this house, some of them are coming from Germany. There are about 6 families who live at this house, complete with their family members including mothers, fathers and children. This Latino hospitality house is provided with a Sunday soup kitchen, community garden (especially for summer), tutoring, and neighborhood kid activities. Cleaning activities and or special projects on the building like painting may be facilitated by Su Casa staffs. It is helpful when Darst students come with activities to play or work with children. If large groups of volunteers, best to split group and have half playing with kids, the other half cleaning.
At Hogan soup kitchen, volunteers join Englewood residents for a Sunday afternoon meal and are encouraged to interact with those at their table. Volunteers then listen to a talk by Freida, an Afro-American lady who is helped by Brother Dennis Murphy, F.S.C from poverty to success as a nursing student and mother of three outstanding sons and she works as CTA bus driver as well. Her spontaneous sharing to us is very helpful to know the struggle and hope of people who are being transformed by this Catholic Social Worker House. Even though she is not Catholic but the light of witness of the minister such as Brother Dennis really a remarkable life witness to people around this area. She is in charge responsibly to the soup kitchen in which mostly Afro-Africans who come to this place are very familiar with this lady. Sitting down together with people who come at the soup kitchen then enjoying together lunch served by other volunteers is not easy for the first time because we have to leave our secure feeling to reach strangers who are very different with us in many aspects. Physically they are not interesting with their smelly and dirty clothes we have to accept them with respect on their dignities as human beings.
It is an activity of transformation for us who are present among these people, not only giving anonymous service without care but we are all invited to intermingling with them. I notice that many volunteers who serve food are not having conversation with these people, so our presence in the midst of people at the soup kitchen or shelter gives a different impression to them. This is one of the intentions of this immersion of social justice retreat that we apply to the retreatans.
Having Mass at Saint Basil Visitation Church or Holy Angel Church and SPRED Chapel is really a cross-cultural immersion and giving a new insight and concern to social justice issue especially those who are different with us in ethnicity and intellectual level both for me and for retreatans. Most of us never came to a Catholic church with Afro-Americans style and for me coming to SPRED chapel, which is held on the first Sunday of the month for Catholics with mental and physical handicaps is struck me. It reminds me on the issue of concern to social justice to the disabled that I never came to my mind seriously. They are also God’s children who have same dignity with us.
I am grateful having this experience in such a ministry that is giving concern to social justice issues in practical levels in the form of retreat with young people in the context of Chicago. Not only theory and statistic knowledge of homeless people and other issues but also involving in some services and being present with others are always implementation of act of justice. All in all, it invites me to continue my concern to these services to others wherever I will be assigned as a minister.
It is always interesting to know impressions of retreatans who have experience of this retreat. Here, all of us hope that their concern is not ending after this retreat but it will continue on their journey as we intent to do this retreat. Some of them write: “My eyes are considerably more open,” “I will seek out similar situations and opportunities to meet and serve people from all walk of life,” “I’ve learned to give,” “I have learned I can love total strangers,” “I am no different than those who require assistance,” “I’ve seen more of the struggles that people face daily and I better understand how grateful I am for all I have,” “I have a greater appreciation of my life,” “I learned a lot about people. Between the service projects, group discussions, and a very interesting worship service, I learned that it takes all of us watching out for each other to make a just environment,” “I have learned to give people a chance.”
Finally, I quote a sharing of Catholic Social Teachings: Challenges and Directions by U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, “Sadly, our social doctrine is not shared or taught in a consistent and comprehensive way in too many of our schools, seminaries, religious education programs, colleges, and universities. We need to build on the good work already underway to ensure that every Catholic understands how the Gospels and church teaching call us to choose life, to serve the least among us, to hunger and thirst for justice, and to be peacemakers. The sharing of our social tradition is a defining measure of Catholic education and formation…..”
“…I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to visit me” (Matthew 25:31-46).
My respond to the call….
2) Hari Minggu Paskah Ke-7, 08 Mei 2005
Senin, 02 Mei 2005. Sebelum kuliah saya membaca sebuah buku karangan Paul Knitter berjudul Introducing Theologies of Religions, tentang empat model dalam dialog antar agama, yaitu: replacement model, fulfillment model, mutuality model dan acceptance model. Setelah makan malam saya pusing kepala lalu minum obat dan langsung tidur.
Selasa, 03 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saya mengikuti pertemuan kelompok refleksi teologi saya di rumah Claretian. Sore harinya saya memasak untuk komunitas dengan menu: semur babi dan nasi. Dari Internet saya mendapatkan alamat website kelompok katolik Indonesia di Orlando-Florida dan website kelompok Choice Jakarta yaitu: choicersjakarta@yahoogroups.com
Rabu, 04 Mei 2005. Tengah hari saya mengikuti kuliah spiritualitas millennium yang kali ini Cajetan memberikan presentasi tentang Paus Yohanes Paulus II. Malam harinya saya mengerjakan paper tentang Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
Kamis, 05 Mei 2005. Setelah makan malam kami mengadakan rapat komunitas membahas dan berdiskusi tentang tema ‘pelayanan kerasulan’.
Jumat, 06 Mei 2005. Pagi hari dari jam 9 hingga 2.15 sore saya mengikuti workshop di CTU yaitu Pearl and Treasures workshop yang kali ini bertema Stewardship and Fundraising. Ini workshop ke-6 dan yang terakhir dari jenis workshop ini yang telah saya ikuti untuk persyaratan lulus program M.Div (Master of Divinity). Waktu yang tersisa hari ini saya gunakan untuk menyelesaikan paper saya dengan penuh konsentrasi yaitu Etika dan Spiritualitas millennium hingga tengah malam saya dapat mencetak semuanya.
Sabtu, 07 Mei 2005. Pagi hari ini saya memulai mengerjakan paper Dialog antaragama untuk kuliahnya Anthony Gittin yaitu kuliah berjudul Development of Mission Theology dan mencuci serta menyeterika baju saya sendiri (acara rutin mingguan). Di sore hari ada latihan koor Kelompok PWKI (Paguyuban Warga Katolik Indonesia di Chicago) di basement rumah kami, Xaverian, Hyde Park. Pukul 6.15 sore kami bersama para tamu yang baru selesai berlatih koor, berdoa sore bersama di kapel kami dan makan malam bersama dengan menu masakan Lebanon sebagai ucapan syukur dan terima kasih kami sebagai komunitas teologi Xaverian di Chicago kepada para anggota PWKI di Chicago atas perhatian dan bantuannya dalam acara tahbisan diakonat Frater Petrus, sx. Kami melanjutkan acara ramah tamah ini dengan berjoged dan menari diiringi musik.
Minggu, 08 Mei 2005. Kami mengikuti misa bahasa Indonesia di Gereja Santa Theresia Chinatown dipimpin oleh Romo Edi, osc dan Frater Diakon Petrus, sx sebagai pengkhotbahnya. Ada sekitar 40 orang yang hadir dalam acara misa yang biasanya diadakan sebulan sekali ini. Dalam khotbahnya Frater Petrus menarik benang merah dari empat peristiwa hari ini yaitu: Hari Ibu (di USA), bulan Mei sebagai bulan Maria, Hari Kenaikan Kristus ke Surga dan Hari Evangelisasi di Keuskupan Agung Chicago, dengan tema pokoknya: PENYERTAAN. Kami melanjutkan acara ramah tamah di basement gereja Santa Theresia ini sementara udara di luar cukup hangat yaitu sekitar 27 derajat Celsius.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
surat ke-1 bulan Mei 2005
1) 6th Sunday of Easter, May 01, 2005
Monday, April 25, 2005. Starting today Petrus as a newly diacon concelebrated together in the Mass of our community. In the spirituality of a new millennium at CTU, Gabriel Bentil from Ghana presented his study on Pope John XXIII. After supper I transferred video I have taken yesterday on the celebration of Petrus’ diaconate ordination from handycam to VHS, about three hours.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005. In the morning there was theological reflection group meeting of my group in our Xaverian house. Once again now together with Petrus and Dharmawan, I watched the video of Petrus’ ordination then at 10 p.m. I wrote my journal on Pope John XXIII.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005. In the morning from 8.30 to 10 a.m. I met my formator, Father Rocco to have colloquium, personal formation. In the class of spirituality in a new millennium, there were director of L’Arche community in Chicago, a Presbyterian woman priest, named Deb and one of the members of this community, Catherinne. They shared about Jean Vanier from France, who founded this community for mentally disabled people (I shared this journal in the below of this journal). Today I didn’t feel well, I got symptoms of influenza. At night I typed my final paper on Bonhoeffer.
Thursday, April 28, 2005. In the afternoon I cooked for my community, a kind of beef soup (‘sup buntut’, but we didn’t have ‘buntut’ so I just put beef), and salad with peanut dressing (gado-gado), plus rice. From 7.30 p.m. to 9 p.m. we had community meeting. I still felt not well because of flu but I still did a reflection on Saint Catherine of Siena.
Friday, April 29, 2005. In the morning Mass I shared my reflection on Saint Catherine of Siena that I have learned in a spirituality course last summer 2004 with the professor from Gregoriana University in Rome-Italy, named Donna Orsuto. I cleaned the third floor and transferred some pictures of my digital camera and sent them via e-mail to my penpals. In the afternoon after taking rest, I typed my journal of millennium spirituality about Jean Vanier. In the evening I was typing this journal and my other papers.
Saturday, April 30, 2005. The whole day I kept stay at home, doing my Ethic paper on Dorothy Day and cleaning up the basement after having supper. From my penpal in Bogor-Indonesia I got a new website offers a sort of free of charge personal blog, namely, http://multiply.com in which I could put and transfer my photo albums as well; mine is http://acdw74.multiply.com
Sunday, May 01, 2005. After morning prayer personally at my room and attending Mass at Saint Thomas at 8 o’clock, I was doing my paper on second journal of millennium spirituality class and printed it out as well as my first Ethic paper on Dorothy Day after desperately I lost my document of it (6 pages) but luckily I could handle it. I still have two more weeks to finish my three other paper and I will do little by little but sure I am going to finish them on due times.
25 April 2005
Pope John XXIII (1881-1963)
A lot of virtues and extraordinary examples I can draw from the precious life of John XXIII (Cardinal Roncalli). He was born in Northern Italy, close to Bergamo and in age 14 he started his life in a seminary. Since then he had accustomed to write his journal. His experience as a chaplain in World War I, I guess had deep influence in his spiritual journey. In 1921, he worked at Propagation of Faith in Rome and he already thought about vernacular in liturgy and encouraged practice it. He is patron of diplomat. He was elected as pope after 11 ballots, in 1958 to 1963. He convoked the Second Vatican Council in October 1962 and on June 3, 1963, he passed away. His encyclicals such as Mater et Magistra and Pacem in Terris are still relevant in our modern life especially in promoting peace in the world. The simple life, humor, deep prayer in personal encounter with Jesus before the cross are beautiful examples I can follow. His spirit to renew the church in ecumenism, relationship with Jewish and other religions, and aggiornamento opened great renewal of Catholic Church into a modern world revolutionary. His collaborative manner with others as well as his visionary beyond ordinary life are remarkable example in doing ministry of the Church facing new challenges in modern world. In term of millennium spirituality, I think his integral life is already a great contribution to our world witnessing God’s love and compassion especially in his good will to embrace otherness in order to gain peace and justice in the world.
For myself personally, I am very impressed in his perseverance since he’s young in doing his journal, prayer and his trust to others fully, and his image to see God as a mother in which he approached as a child draw me to my own spirituality and my daily activity in similar ways. His motto was “Obedience and Peace” inviting me to do my own spirituality, to do everything in God’s will and spirit through my superior in congregation and church so that I can achieve peace in my own heart and mind. In the song that Gabriel Bentil sang with guitar in his presentation of this figure, depicted a spirituality of renewal, renewal of myself day-to-day. “Look out your window, see what you can see, silence is broken by opening your door, look out your window, see if you can see, all the world’s of lie you’ve never seen before.” The humor that Gabriel mentioned, close to John’s bed, it’s written, “Dear God, this is your church, I’m going to bed. John.” It also invites me to have spirituality of ‘let go’, surrender and give up to God, not too much thinking that I have to do this and that, but slowly and surely, just believe in God’s spirit who will accomplish what I have planned and whatever it will be, just let God give the final result and not to be proud of myself who do it, instead happy that God has fulfilled it. “We are worthless slaves; we have done only what we ought to have done” (Luke 17:10).
27 April 2005
Jean Vanier (1928-
I knew the community of L’Arche from a reading book of Henry Nouwen in which he spent his last life years at this community in Canada. My first impression was that this community has very deep vision and mission in putting together many different people in one roof and they live together as brothers and sisters. I am very impressed with Nouwen who had talent in intellect, knowledge, wisdom and fame as author, professor and spiritualist, but he devoted his last stage of life with this community, the community of love in which the mission of this community is to provide ecumenical, innovative and permanent living experiences for people with disabilities all around the world. L’Arche which has meaning the ark, it means HOME as well, has profound meaning for many ‘poor’ people. Jean points out the meaning of ‘poor’ here is those “who are gifted precisely at the place where we’re not gifted; in other words, every member of community is a leader at the point of his or her gift and every member is a follower at the point of the gift of the other person. Every member of community is gifted. The person who has a mental disability may not be the one to develop the structure for governance, but that person may be deeply gifted to help us become unified and to call us to be attentive to our need for loving relationship.” As I read on articles of Jean Vanier, the founder of L’Arche (a France) and another article entitled The Spirit of L’Arche, as well as listening to two members of L’Arche Community in Chicago, namely, Deb and Christinne in the class of Spirituality in a New Millennium on April 27, I came to realize that this community has improved worldwide in more than 130 communities in 30 countries since 40 years.
According to Nathan Ball, the challenge of L’Arche community is “to bridge the gap between weak and strong, rich and poor, in order to build a more peaceful and just world. And part of the answer is to enter into relationship with people who are different from us, with the conviction that they have as much to give to us as we to them.” I do agree to this statement that I have experienced and witnessed some religious congregations work as bridge donations of generous people to the needy. I heard once from a Daughter of Charity Sister in a fishermen slum area in the Northern Jakarta, saying that many rich people want to donate their gifts to help the needy but they do not know to whom they can give accountably and she is convinced that the work of her congregation is a sort of divine providence in which many rich people reach out and come to give their treasure to this institution in order to help the needy. It happens as well to Good Shepherd sisters in Jakarta where every year in rainy season, their school and convent become depository of food and clothes to help surrounding people who suffer of annual flood. I could see here that many generous people trust to these religious institutions to share their gifts to the needy ones. I witnessed how the gifts came incessantly during the flood time and saw many poor people stayed in tents in front of the school and convent. I think this is very proper in our millennium spirituality, to be bridge between poor and rich, to be a channel of peace toward better world. Our world still has many problems on this area so every one is called to be bridge in their and our own capacities as much as we can. In my own spirituality, I think to be a bridge between others is a marvelous thing. If I know somebody who has capacity to help my friend who needs help, for sure I will connect both friends so that they can help each other. It drives me willingness to help them and I can have peace and happiness in my own heart. It can be both small and big things. I remember, “Happiness is not fulfilled if it is not shared.”
I learned a lot about how to live in a community with its dynamics both ups and downs after reading Jean Vanier. Community can be a marvelous place as well as terrible place. “When the members of a community realize that they are not there simply for themselves or their own sanctification, but to welcome the gift of God, to hasten His kingdom and to quench the thirst in parched hearts, that they will truly live community. A community must be a light in a world of darkness, a spring of fresh water in the church and for all men.” In another part it mentions that “community life brings a painful revelation of our limitations, weaknesses and darkness; the unexpected discovery of the monsters within us is hard to accept. But, if we accept that the monsters are there, we can let them out and learn to tame them. That is growth towards liberation.” The essence of community is sense of belonging. I was formed by this word in my pre-novitiate house where my formator repeatedly saying this word “sense of belonging” that eventually I could see what is the meaning of it in the midst of my confreres who have different characters and perspectives. To end this reflection, I am very pleasure to know this statement that invites me to live it out, “To love, we must die continually to our own ideas, our own susceptibilities and our own comfort. Thee path of love is woven of sacrifice.” Then I remember my lovely verse in the Gospel of Luke, “Whoever wants to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23).
LOVE IN CATHERINE OF SIENA (1347-1380)
INTRODUCTION
Reading on Catherine of Siena, Passion for the Truth, Compassion for Humanity written by Mary O’Driscoll, O.P. invites me to see and ponder a special theme, which is always recurred, namely, love. The word ‘love’ that Catherine wrote recurred often times on her writings especially on her letters. Reading on the content of this book, I can see that the word ‘love’ is included in subtitle of three different categories of her writings. On Letters, there are four subtitles that use the word ‘love’, namely, Love Others Tenderly (p.27), Behave Like a Person in Love (p.31), Renew the Church with Love (p.44), and The Special Faith and Love of Friendship (p.48). On Prayers, there are two subtitles, namely, Moved By Love You Sent Us Your Son (p.56) and You Have Shown Us Love in Your Blood (p.82). Finally on The Dialogue, there are three, namely, Overwhelming Love (p.88), Love of Neighbor (p.116) and Drink Your Neighbor’s Love in God (p.117).
Love on the Letters
On the letter to the new pope, Urban VI, Catherine reminds him to be a good shepherd who lay down his life for the sheep and avoid an attitude of self-centered. She boldly suggests to him to reform and renew the leaderships in theChurch toward a better care of the flocks in a mutual cooperation in the ministry. Catherine also has a real and compassionate suggestion to the pope regarding the sick and poor fellow, “Be content to take from the sick only as much as they can give. O dear, o dear, have pity on so many souls that are perishing…” (p.45).
Even though the situation of the Church was very delicate but Catherine still had a hope for whole Church as mystical body of Christ with virtue of charity. “As long as we are pilgrims and strangers in this life, we can grow in the perfection of charity” (p.46). She was not only suggesting many good things to the pope but she also did wonderful and perseverance work in her ministry to God’s people both in contemplative/prayer life and social ministry among the needy ones. “For my part, I shall continue until I die to work by prayer and by every other means for the honor of God and for your peace and that of your children” (p.46). With courteousness in a polite way, she ended her letter with begging forgiveness of her presumption before the pope whom she respected, which is love and sorrow to be her excuse (p.46).
In order to have an infinite love, we should drink water from a vessel in the fountain as Catherine wrote in Drink Your Neighbor’s Love in God (p.117-118). This love should be given to others without any self-interest. She explains the God’s love is much bigger than we have so that we should reply the same love to God. We could not reply this love to God directly but to our neighbors so that what we do for them we do for God (Matthew 25:40). We tend to practice the imperfect love of others. There is a sign when we have this imperfect love, that is, we are distressful when others do not reply our love. It is obviously a conditional love that we always have in this world. We should be honest regarding this matter that our love to God and others never perfect in the reality. All of these happen because of our spiritual selfishness and we could overcome it with know ourselves that we are such imperfect human in love.
CONCLUSION
God as the source of all virtues gives us goodness as child charity such as love, patience, perseverance, joy, peace, meekness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5: 22-23). As Catherine had these qualities of love in her relationships to God and others, do I try them in such a way that I do my best toward others gratuitously and unconditionally? If I have them in my life, do I satisfy and proud of myself without trying to share them to others? The virtues are gifts from God that I should practice in daily life fervently. With these virtues, I should be careful not to judge others especially my confreres in my religious life who are also the servants of God. As a human being I have weaknesses to talk about others in negative way. In order to be a good confrere, supporting each other in the spirit of love, I should be attentive when I talk about others at least I should speak in truth and a balance way, not merely negative sides. Do I let others speak ill about others? Am I happy to hear the badness of others? If I have a true lovely heart, I will feel bad if my confreres are condemned. In the spirit of fraternity among my confreres, my pure love will be tested in my relationship with others. Indeed it is difficult not to talk about others especially in their shortages because I have tendency and ego to be good and OK among the others. To avoid this weakness I should remember a golden rule, namely, I should do to others what the others should do for me. If I do the bad things to others, it means I should not complain if the others would do so to me.
Catherine was a woman with a high hope in the midst of desperation and difficulty in her era. She could bring hope to others who felt terrible discouragement even she could try to make peace between people or groups in the enmity and vengeance. In the world recently that is full of violence and harmfulness, it seems that we have no hope to bring peace and solution. The situation seems more horrible day-bay-day as we see and listen to the mass media. What can I do for this duty to be ambassador of love and peace? Are these virtues still relevant in our world? Not to neglect the macro situation, I should pay attention to my own relationship among my confreres in my religious community. Do I bring peace among my confreres and try to be peacemaker if there is hatred? My experience living in an international community draws me to be authentic in such a way that I can be vulnerable as same as the others. When there is misunderstanding to others, I bring it to my prayer before God and ask pardon for others who have hurt me. When there is a dissent among my confreres, I can feel unhappiness and sorry deeply; then I try to see a possibility to make reconciliation among them. It is not easy thing because I tend to think that it is not my business so I do not have to be busy with other’s problem and let them keep going in their own way. But, I still have a compassionate heart that urges me to see a chance to talk to them to make peace and reconciliation. I convince with the prayer of Saint Francis of Asisi: if there is hatred let me bring peace.
The humility of Catherine before God in her prayers invites me to see my weaknesses in the eye of God and not to be proud and OK of myself and I have done so far. Even though she had an intimate relationship with God, but she still felt sin against God and begged pardon and mercy on God. What I feel before God in my prayer and my monthly confession? Do I still have a conversion in my life or I have been satisfied and OK without need to be closer and honest with God and myself?
To see and ponder the overwhelming of God’s love, do I still have a haughty heart in front of the others? If God is loving-kindness to me personally, what should I do to be aware of it and use this grace to love others in the same way as Godself? Facing the fascinated love of God, I should not complain and beg other things that are not important in my life. Just to know your love it is just enough. Your grace, O God is enough for me.
It is difficult to be perfect lover who always fulfill other’s needs. In my experience to be a servant of God among the others, I always have a weaknesses and shortages. It is healthy if I am not perfect man. Because God has created many good things in God’s creation, so I will fulfill my goodness with share each other in God’s love. I realize that my love to others is not perfect; that is why I should be real and humble to serve others and receive other’s love. O God, help me to know myself in better way and overcome my spiritual selfishness with your perfect love that I never achieve it but add day-by-day your love in my fragile body and soul to serve and love your beloved human beings in a certain way. With my imperfect love, O God, you always be closer to me to purify my love in your perfect love in this world and the world to come. Amen.
MY END WORDS
I am very grateful to have the class entitled the Women at the Well: Witness To Contemplative Living with the professor Dr. Donna Orsuto from Rome, Italy, from 21-25 June 2004 at CTU, room 214. Even though there are only two male persons in this class (Brother John and I) and 11 female ones including the professor, I am glad and blessed among the women whom concern about spirituality of women doctors of the Church. It enriches my knowledge and understanding of the Church treasure in spiritual life. Studying the four women of the Church (Catherine of Siena, Julian Norwich, Therese of Avila and Terese of Lisieux) only in five days seems not enough and very little, but I believe the wisdom I get from this class and the spirituality of lay people especially the professor in her wide and rich experience and most of the old lay women in the class contribute a new perspective of my thinking.
In my Xaverian Constitution Number 42: “Our Founder defined a missioner as a man of action in constant union with Christ, in whom he continually finds inspiration. We ask the Lord for that spirit of prayer which is able to transform our work in to continual oration and provide for our sanctification through the very exercise of our apostolic ministry.” And Number 43: “Prayer is the principal activity of the missioner. It strengthens his faithfulness and sustains his apostolic commitment.” I end up my reflection with a question: How could I implement my relationship with God in my contemplative life in my missionary vocation among people of God to whom I meet and minister?
1) Hari Minggu Paskah Ke-6, 01 Mei 2005
Senin, 25 April 2005. Mulai hari ini Petrus sebagai diakon baru di komunitas kami merayakan misa bersama-sama secara konselebrasi dengan pastor lain. Dalam kuliah spiritualitas millennium, Gabriel Bentil mempresentasikan hasil studinya tentang Paus Yohanes XXIII. Setelah makan malam saya mentransfer video yang saya ambil dalam acara perayaan tahbisan diakonat Petrus kemarin dari handycam ke video VHD, selama tiga jam.
Selasa, 26 April 2005. Pagi hari ini di rumah Xaverian saya mengadakan refleksi teologi kelompok saya. Sekali lagi di sore hari setelah makan malam saya bersama Petrus dan Dharmawan menonton video tahbisan diakonat Petrus hingga pukul 10 malam. Malam harinya saya menulis jurnal tentang Paus Yohanes XXXIII.
Rabu, 27 April 2005. Di pagi hari dari jam 8.30 hingga 10 saya bertemu pribadi dengan formator saya, Pastor Rocco untuk pembinaan pribadi (colloquium). Dalam kuliah spiritualitas millennium, ada dua tamu yaitu direktor dari komunitas L’Arche di Chicago, seorang imam wanita dari Gereja Presbyterian bernama Deb dan seorang anggota komunitas ini yaitu Catherinne. Mereka mensharingkan tentang Jean Vanier dari Prancis, pendiri komunitas L’Arche untuk para cacad mental (saya membagikan jurnal tentang hal ini di edisi bahasa Inggris di atas). Hari ini saya tidak merasa enak badan, saya mendapat gejala-gejala influenza. Malam hari saya menulis paper akhir saya tentang Bonhoeffer.
Kamis, 28 April 2005. Di sore hari saya memasak untuk komunitas saya yaitu sup buntut tapi karena nggak ada buntut maka hanya pakai daging sapi yang ada saja, dan gado-gado plus nasi. Dari jam 7.30 hingga 9 malam kami mengadakan rapat komunitas. Saya mash merasa tidak enak badan namun saya masih mengerjakan refleksi tentang Santa Cahterine dari Siena.
Jumat, 29 April 2005. Pagi hari dalam misa saya membagikan refleksi tentang Santa Catherine dari Siena yang telah saya pelajari dalam kuliah musim panas 2004 lalu dengan dosen dari Universitas Gregoriana di Roma, Italia bernama Donna Orsuto. Saya membersihkan lantai tiga dan mentransfer photo-photo saya dari kamera digital ke shutterly.com saya lalu mengirimkannya kepada para sahabat pena lewat e-mail. Di sore hari setelah istirahat sejenak, saya mengetik jurnal tentang Jean Vanier. Di malam hari saya mengetik jurnal ini sebagi pelajaran ketekunan dan paper yang lain yang masih harus diselesaikan dalam jangka dua setengah minggu ke depan.
Sabtu, 30 April 2005. Sepanjang hari ini saya hanya tinggal di rumah saja, mengerjakan paper pertama matakuliah etika tentang Dorothy Day dan membersihkan basement setelah makan malam. Dari informasi sahabat pena lewat Internet saya berasal dari Bogor saya mendapatkan sebuah website baru menawarkan semacam blog pribadi gratis, yaitu http://multiply.com di mana saya juga dapat menempatkan dan mentransfer album photo saya dari shutterfly.com; alamat saya adalah http://acdw74.multiply.com
Minggu, 01 Mei 2005. Setelah doa pagi brevir secara pribadi di kamar saya mengikuti misa pagi di Santo Thomas pukul 8, lalu saya mengerjakan paper jurnal kedua kuliah spiritualitas millennium dan mencetaknya demikian pula paper pertama matakuliah Etika saya tentang Dorothy Day dan Catholic Worker Movement setelah mengalami kekalutan kehilangan dokumen saya di disket (6 halaman) namun untunglah saya dapat mengatasinya segera. Saya masih punya waktu dua minggu untuk merampungkan sekitar tiga paper dan saya akan mengerjakan perlahan-lahan namun pasti saya mampu menyelesaikan pada saatnya nanti.
Monday, April 25, 2005. Starting today Petrus as a newly diacon concelebrated together in the Mass of our community. In the spirituality of a new millennium at CTU, Gabriel Bentil from Ghana presented his study on Pope John XXIII. After supper I transferred video I have taken yesterday on the celebration of Petrus’ diaconate ordination from handycam to VHS, about three hours.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005. In the morning there was theological reflection group meeting of my group in our Xaverian house. Once again now together with Petrus and Dharmawan, I watched the video of Petrus’ ordination then at 10 p.m. I wrote my journal on Pope John XXIII.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005. In the morning from 8.30 to 10 a.m. I met my formator, Father Rocco to have colloquium, personal formation. In the class of spirituality in a new millennium, there were director of L’Arche community in Chicago, a Presbyterian woman priest, named Deb and one of the members of this community, Catherinne. They shared about Jean Vanier from France, who founded this community for mentally disabled people (I shared this journal in the below of this journal). Today I didn’t feel well, I got symptoms of influenza. At night I typed my final paper on Bonhoeffer.
Thursday, April 28, 2005. In the afternoon I cooked for my community, a kind of beef soup (‘sup buntut’, but we didn’t have ‘buntut’ so I just put beef), and salad with peanut dressing (gado-gado), plus rice. From 7.30 p.m. to 9 p.m. we had community meeting. I still felt not well because of flu but I still did a reflection on Saint Catherine of Siena.
Friday, April 29, 2005. In the morning Mass I shared my reflection on Saint Catherine of Siena that I have learned in a spirituality course last summer 2004 with the professor from Gregoriana University in Rome-Italy, named Donna Orsuto. I cleaned the third floor and transferred some pictures of my digital camera and sent them via e-mail to my penpals. In the afternoon after taking rest, I typed my journal of millennium spirituality about Jean Vanier. In the evening I was typing this journal and my other papers.
Saturday, April 30, 2005. The whole day I kept stay at home, doing my Ethic paper on Dorothy Day and cleaning up the basement after having supper. From my penpal in Bogor-Indonesia I got a new website offers a sort of free of charge personal blog, namely, http://multiply.com in which I could put and transfer my photo albums as well; mine is http://acdw74.multiply.com
Sunday, May 01, 2005. After morning prayer personally at my room and attending Mass at Saint Thomas at 8 o’clock, I was doing my paper on second journal of millennium spirituality class and printed it out as well as my first Ethic paper on Dorothy Day after desperately I lost my document of it (6 pages) but luckily I could handle it. I still have two more weeks to finish my three other paper and I will do little by little but sure I am going to finish them on due times.
25 April 2005
Pope John XXIII (1881-1963)
A lot of virtues and extraordinary examples I can draw from the precious life of John XXIII (Cardinal Roncalli). He was born in Northern Italy, close to Bergamo and in age 14 he started his life in a seminary. Since then he had accustomed to write his journal. His experience as a chaplain in World War I, I guess had deep influence in his spiritual journey. In 1921, he worked at Propagation of Faith in Rome and he already thought about vernacular in liturgy and encouraged practice it. He is patron of diplomat. He was elected as pope after 11 ballots, in 1958 to 1963. He convoked the Second Vatican Council in October 1962 and on June 3, 1963, he passed away. His encyclicals such as Mater et Magistra and Pacem in Terris are still relevant in our modern life especially in promoting peace in the world. The simple life, humor, deep prayer in personal encounter with Jesus before the cross are beautiful examples I can follow. His spirit to renew the church in ecumenism, relationship with Jewish and other religions, and aggiornamento opened great renewal of Catholic Church into a modern world revolutionary. His collaborative manner with others as well as his visionary beyond ordinary life are remarkable example in doing ministry of the Church facing new challenges in modern world. In term of millennium spirituality, I think his integral life is already a great contribution to our world witnessing God’s love and compassion especially in his good will to embrace otherness in order to gain peace and justice in the world.
For myself personally, I am very impressed in his perseverance since he’s young in doing his journal, prayer and his trust to others fully, and his image to see God as a mother in which he approached as a child draw me to my own spirituality and my daily activity in similar ways. His motto was “Obedience and Peace” inviting me to do my own spirituality, to do everything in God’s will and spirit through my superior in congregation and church so that I can achieve peace in my own heart and mind. In the song that Gabriel Bentil sang with guitar in his presentation of this figure, depicted a spirituality of renewal, renewal of myself day-to-day. “Look out your window, see what you can see, silence is broken by opening your door, look out your window, see if you can see, all the world’s of lie you’ve never seen before.” The humor that Gabriel mentioned, close to John’s bed, it’s written, “Dear God, this is your church, I’m going to bed. John.” It also invites me to have spirituality of ‘let go’, surrender and give up to God, not too much thinking that I have to do this and that, but slowly and surely, just believe in God’s spirit who will accomplish what I have planned and whatever it will be, just let God give the final result and not to be proud of myself who do it, instead happy that God has fulfilled it. “We are worthless slaves; we have done only what we ought to have done” (Luke 17:10).
27 April 2005
Jean Vanier (1928-
I knew the community of L’Arche from a reading book of Henry Nouwen in which he spent his last life years at this community in Canada. My first impression was that this community has very deep vision and mission in putting together many different people in one roof and they live together as brothers and sisters. I am very impressed with Nouwen who had talent in intellect, knowledge, wisdom and fame as author, professor and spiritualist, but he devoted his last stage of life with this community, the community of love in which the mission of this community is to provide ecumenical, innovative and permanent living experiences for people with disabilities all around the world. L’Arche which has meaning the ark, it means HOME as well, has profound meaning for many ‘poor’ people. Jean points out the meaning of ‘poor’ here is those “who are gifted precisely at the place where we’re not gifted; in other words, every member of community is a leader at the point of his or her gift and every member is a follower at the point of the gift of the other person. Every member of community is gifted. The person who has a mental disability may not be the one to develop the structure for governance, but that person may be deeply gifted to help us become unified and to call us to be attentive to our need for loving relationship.” As I read on articles of Jean Vanier, the founder of L’Arche (a France) and another article entitled The Spirit of L’Arche, as well as listening to two members of L’Arche Community in Chicago, namely, Deb and Christinne in the class of Spirituality in a New Millennium on April 27, I came to realize that this community has improved worldwide in more than 130 communities in 30 countries since 40 years.
According to Nathan Ball, the challenge of L’Arche community is “to bridge the gap between weak and strong, rich and poor, in order to build a more peaceful and just world. And part of the answer is to enter into relationship with people who are different from us, with the conviction that they have as much to give to us as we to them.” I do agree to this statement that I have experienced and witnessed some religious congregations work as bridge donations of generous people to the needy. I heard once from a Daughter of Charity Sister in a fishermen slum area in the Northern Jakarta, saying that many rich people want to donate their gifts to help the needy but they do not know to whom they can give accountably and she is convinced that the work of her congregation is a sort of divine providence in which many rich people reach out and come to give their treasure to this institution in order to help the needy. It happens as well to Good Shepherd sisters in Jakarta where every year in rainy season, their school and convent become depository of food and clothes to help surrounding people who suffer of annual flood. I could see here that many generous people trust to these religious institutions to share their gifts to the needy ones. I witnessed how the gifts came incessantly during the flood time and saw many poor people stayed in tents in front of the school and convent. I think this is very proper in our millennium spirituality, to be bridge between poor and rich, to be a channel of peace toward better world. Our world still has many problems on this area so every one is called to be bridge in their and our own capacities as much as we can. In my own spirituality, I think to be a bridge between others is a marvelous thing. If I know somebody who has capacity to help my friend who needs help, for sure I will connect both friends so that they can help each other. It drives me willingness to help them and I can have peace and happiness in my own heart. It can be both small and big things. I remember, “Happiness is not fulfilled if it is not shared.”
I learned a lot about how to live in a community with its dynamics both ups and downs after reading Jean Vanier. Community can be a marvelous place as well as terrible place. “When the members of a community realize that they are not there simply for themselves or their own sanctification, but to welcome the gift of God, to hasten His kingdom and to quench the thirst in parched hearts, that they will truly live community. A community must be a light in a world of darkness, a spring of fresh water in the church and for all men.” In another part it mentions that “community life brings a painful revelation of our limitations, weaknesses and darkness; the unexpected discovery of the monsters within us is hard to accept. But, if we accept that the monsters are there, we can let them out and learn to tame them. That is growth towards liberation.” The essence of community is sense of belonging. I was formed by this word in my pre-novitiate house where my formator repeatedly saying this word “sense of belonging” that eventually I could see what is the meaning of it in the midst of my confreres who have different characters and perspectives. To end this reflection, I am very pleasure to know this statement that invites me to live it out, “To love, we must die continually to our own ideas, our own susceptibilities and our own comfort. Thee path of love is woven of sacrifice.” Then I remember my lovely verse in the Gospel of Luke, “Whoever wants to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23).
LOVE IN CATHERINE OF SIENA (1347-1380)
INTRODUCTION
Reading on Catherine of Siena, Passion for the Truth, Compassion for Humanity written by Mary O’Driscoll, O.P. invites me to see and ponder a special theme, which is always recurred, namely, love. The word ‘love’ that Catherine wrote recurred often times on her writings especially on her letters. Reading on the content of this book, I can see that the word ‘love’ is included in subtitle of three different categories of her writings. On Letters, there are four subtitles that use the word ‘love’, namely, Love Others Tenderly (p.27), Behave Like a Person in Love (p.31), Renew the Church with Love (p.44), and The Special Faith and Love of Friendship (p.48). On Prayers, there are two subtitles, namely, Moved By Love You Sent Us Your Son (p.56) and You Have Shown Us Love in Your Blood (p.82). Finally on The Dialogue, there are three, namely, Overwhelming Love (p.88), Love of Neighbor (p.116) and Drink Your Neighbor’s Love in God (p.117).
Love on the Letters
On the letter to the new pope, Urban VI, Catherine reminds him to be a good shepherd who lay down his life for the sheep and avoid an attitude of self-centered. She boldly suggests to him to reform and renew the leaderships in theChurch toward a better care of the flocks in a mutual cooperation in the ministry. Catherine also has a real and compassionate suggestion to the pope regarding the sick and poor fellow, “Be content to take from the sick only as much as they can give. O dear, o dear, have pity on so many souls that are perishing…” (p.45).
Even though the situation of the Church was very delicate but Catherine still had a hope for whole Church as mystical body of Christ with virtue of charity. “As long as we are pilgrims and strangers in this life, we can grow in the perfection of charity” (p.46). She was not only suggesting many good things to the pope but she also did wonderful and perseverance work in her ministry to God’s people both in contemplative/prayer life and social ministry among the needy ones. “For my part, I shall continue until I die to work by prayer and by every other means for the honor of God and for your peace and that of your children” (p.46). With courteousness in a polite way, she ended her letter with begging forgiveness of her presumption before the pope whom she respected, which is love and sorrow to be her excuse (p.46).
In order to have an infinite love, we should drink water from a vessel in the fountain as Catherine wrote in Drink Your Neighbor’s Love in God (p.117-118). This love should be given to others without any self-interest. She explains the God’s love is much bigger than we have so that we should reply the same love to God. We could not reply this love to God directly but to our neighbors so that what we do for them we do for God (Matthew 25:40). We tend to practice the imperfect love of others. There is a sign when we have this imperfect love, that is, we are distressful when others do not reply our love. It is obviously a conditional love that we always have in this world. We should be honest regarding this matter that our love to God and others never perfect in the reality. All of these happen because of our spiritual selfishness and we could overcome it with know ourselves that we are such imperfect human in love.
CONCLUSION
God as the source of all virtues gives us goodness as child charity such as love, patience, perseverance, joy, peace, meekness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5: 22-23). As Catherine had these qualities of love in her relationships to God and others, do I try them in such a way that I do my best toward others gratuitously and unconditionally? If I have them in my life, do I satisfy and proud of myself without trying to share them to others? The virtues are gifts from God that I should practice in daily life fervently. With these virtues, I should be careful not to judge others especially my confreres in my religious life who are also the servants of God. As a human being I have weaknesses to talk about others in negative way. In order to be a good confrere, supporting each other in the spirit of love, I should be attentive when I talk about others at least I should speak in truth and a balance way, not merely negative sides. Do I let others speak ill about others? Am I happy to hear the badness of others? If I have a true lovely heart, I will feel bad if my confreres are condemned. In the spirit of fraternity among my confreres, my pure love will be tested in my relationship with others. Indeed it is difficult not to talk about others especially in their shortages because I have tendency and ego to be good and OK among the others. To avoid this weakness I should remember a golden rule, namely, I should do to others what the others should do for me. If I do the bad things to others, it means I should not complain if the others would do so to me.
Catherine was a woman with a high hope in the midst of desperation and difficulty in her era. She could bring hope to others who felt terrible discouragement even she could try to make peace between people or groups in the enmity and vengeance. In the world recently that is full of violence and harmfulness, it seems that we have no hope to bring peace and solution. The situation seems more horrible day-bay-day as we see and listen to the mass media. What can I do for this duty to be ambassador of love and peace? Are these virtues still relevant in our world? Not to neglect the macro situation, I should pay attention to my own relationship among my confreres in my religious community. Do I bring peace among my confreres and try to be peacemaker if there is hatred? My experience living in an international community draws me to be authentic in such a way that I can be vulnerable as same as the others. When there is misunderstanding to others, I bring it to my prayer before God and ask pardon for others who have hurt me. When there is a dissent among my confreres, I can feel unhappiness and sorry deeply; then I try to see a possibility to make reconciliation among them. It is not easy thing because I tend to think that it is not my business so I do not have to be busy with other’s problem and let them keep going in their own way. But, I still have a compassionate heart that urges me to see a chance to talk to them to make peace and reconciliation. I convince with the prayer of Saint Francis of Asisi: if there is hatred let me bring peace.
The humility of Catherine before God in her prayers invites me to see my weaknesses in the eye of God and not to be proud and OK of myself and I have done so far. Even though she had an intimate relationship with God, but she still felt sin against God and begged pardon and mercy on God. What I feel before God in my prayer and my monthly confession? Do I still have a conversion in my life or I have been satisfied and OK without need to be closer and honest with God and myself?
To see and ponder the overwhelming of God’s love, do I still have a haughty heart in front of the others? If God is loving-kindness to me personally, what should I do to be aware of it and use this grace to love others in the same way as Godself? Facing the fascinated love of God, I should not complain and beg other things that are not important in my life. Just to know your love it is just enough. Your grace, O God is enough for me.
It is difficult to be perfect lover who always fulfill other’s needs. In my experience to be a servant of God among the others, I always have a weaknesses and shortages. It is healthy if I am not perfect man. Because God has created many good things in God’s creation, so I will fulfill my goodness with share each other in God’s love. I realize that my love to others is not perfect; that is why I should be real and humble to serve others and receive other’s love. O God, help me to know myself in better way and overcome my spiritual selfishness with your perfect love that I never achieve it but add day-by-day your love in my fragile body and soul to serve and love your beloved human beings in a certain way. With my imperfect love, O God, you always be closer to me to purify my love in your perfect love in this world and the world to come. Amen.
MY END WORDS
I am very grateful to have the class entitled the Women at the Well: Witness To Contemplative Living with the professor Dr. Donna Orsuto from Rome, Italy, from 21-25 June 2004 at CTU, room 214. Even though there are only two male persons in this class (Brother John and I) and 11 female ones including the professor, I am glad and blessed among the women whom concern about spirituality of women doctors of the Church. It enriches my knowledge and understanding of the Church treasure in spiritual life. Studying the four women of the Church (Catherine of Siena, Julian Norwich, Therese of Avila and Terese of Lisieux) only in five days seems not enough and very little, but I believe the wisdom I get from this class and the spirituality of lay people especially the professor in her wide and rich experience and most of the old lay women in the class contribute a new perspective of my thinking.
In my Xaverian Constitution Number 42: “Our Founder defined a missioner as a man of action in constant union with Christ, in whom he continually finds inspiration. We ask the Lord for that spirit of prayer which is able to transform our work in to continual oration and provide for our sanctification through the very exercise of our apostolic ministry.” And Number 43: “Prayer is the principal activity of the missioner. It strengthens his faithfulness and sustains his apostolic commitment.” I end up my reflection with a question: How could I implement my relationship with God in my contemplative life in my missionary vocation among people of God to whom I meet and minister?
1) Hari Minggu Paskah Ke-6, 01 Mei 2005
Senin, 25 April 2005. Mulai hari ini Petrus sebagai diakon baru di komunitas kami merayakan misa bersama-sama secara konselebrasi dengan pastor lain. Dalam kuliah spiritualitas millennium, Gabriel Bentil mempresentasikan hasil studinya tentang Paus Yohanes XXIII. Setelah makan malam saya mentransfer video yang saya ambil dalam acara perayaan tahbisan diakonat Petrus kemarin dari handycam ke video VHD, selama tiga jam.
Selasa, 26 April 2005. Pagi hari ini di rumah Xaverian saya mengadakan refleksi teologi kelompok saya. Sekali lagi di sore hari setelah makan malam saya bersama Petrus dan Dharmawan menonton video tahbisan diakonat Petrus hingga pukul 10 malam. Malam harinya saya menulis jurnal tentang Paus Yohanes XXXIII.
Rabu, 27 April 2005. Di pagi hari dari jam 8.30 hingga 10 saya bertemu pribadi dengan formator saya, Pastor Rocco untuk pembinaan pribadi (colloquium). Dalam kuliah spiritualitas millennium, ada dua tamu yaitu direktor dari komunitas L’Arche di Chicago, seorang imam wanita dari Gereja Presbyterian bernama Deb dan seorang anggota komunitas ini yaitu Catherinne. Mereka mensharingkan tentang Jean Vanier dari Prancis, pendiri komunitas L’Arche untuk para cacad mental (saya membagikan jurnal tentang hal ini di edisi bahasa Inggris di atas). Hari ini saya tidak merasa enak badan, saya mendapat gejala-gejala influenza. Malam hari saya menulis paper akhir saya tentang Bonhoeffer.
Kamis, 28 April 2005. Di sore hari saya memasak untuk komunitas saya yaitu sup buntut tapi karena nggak ada buntut maka hanya pakai daging sapi yang ada saja, dan gado-gado plus nasi. Dari jam 7.30 hingga 9 malam kami mengadakan rapat komunitas. Saya mash merasa tidak enak badan namun saya masih mengerjakan refleksi tentang Santa Cahterine dari Siena.
Jumat, 29 April 2005. Pagi hari dalam misa saya membagikan refleksi tentang Santa Catherine dari Siena yang telah saya pelajari dalam kuliah musim panas 2004 lalu dengan dosen dari Universitas Gregoriana di Roma, Italia bernama Donna Orsuto. Saya membersihkan lantai tiga dan mentransfer photo-photo saya dari kamera digital ke shutterly.com saya lalu mengirimkannya kepada para sahabat pena lewat e-mail. Di sore hari setelah istirahat sejenak, saya mengetik jurnal tentang Jean Vanier. Di malam hari saya mengetik jurnal ini sebagi pelajaran ketekunan dan paper yang lain yang masih harus diselesaikan dalam jangka dua setengah minggu ke depan.
Sabtu, 30 April 2005. Sepanjang hari ini saya hanya tinggal di rumah saja, mengerjakan paper pertama matakuliah etika tentang Dorothy Day dan membersihkan basement setelah makan malam. Dari informasi sahabat pena lewat Internet saya berasal dari Bogor saya mendapatkan sebuah website baru menawarkan semacam blog pribadi gratis, yaitu http://multiply.com di mana saya juga dapat menempatkan dan mentransfer album photo saya dari shutterfly.com; alamat saya adalah http://acdw74.multiply.com
Minggu, 01 Mei 2005. Setelah doa pagi brevir secara pribadi di kamar saya mengikuti misa pagi di Santo Thomas pukul 8, lalu saya mengerjakan paper jurnal kedua kuliah spiritualitas millennium dan mencetaknya demikian pula paper pertama matakuliah Etika saya tentang Dorothy Day dan Catholic Worker Movement setelah mengalami kekalutan kehilangan dokumen saya di disket (6 halaman) namun untunglah saya dapat mengatasinya segera. Saya masih punya waktu dua minggu untuk merampungkan sekitar tiga paper dan saya akan mengerjakan perlahan-lahan namun pasti saya mampu menyelesaikan pada saatnya nanti.
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