1st letter of August 2005

1) 19^th Sunday in Ordinary Time, August 07, 2005

Monday, August 01, 2005.

In the morning we had morning prayer at 6.15 led by Brother Tom and as usual at the end we recited the Angelus prayer. I had breakfast with the brothers and at 8 a.m. at the CPE program we started with morning devotion by Linda and morning report by Ken. At 8.45 a.m. I presented my 4^th Verbatim and Annie did at the second meeting. Some patients that impressed me today are: one 73 years old lady at the 3^rd floor who got stroke, told me her story how difficult it is to remember many things in her life. To say that she is Catholic, she pointed her necklace with the cross then she remembered saying, “Catholic.” I introduced myself and offered prayer and communion and she received gratefully. I gave her rosary and she didn’t remember how to recite Hail Mary prayer and I told her that she could follow the EWTN channel on TV, channel 34. Luckily, she has a friend who helps her to practice her memory. One 89 years old lady who could not communicate well, when I invited her to pray, she was crying and screaming then I just left her. Before that I asked the nurse how to approach this patient and she told me this patient is like so. So, I was not amazed to see her reaction. One patient who just got surgery/operation, her hand and body were cold as I touch her. Her sister told me that this patient was mourning due to the sickness of her dog at her house. So, they asked me to pray for the dog. It’s bit weird that I have to pray for her dog, but I did it because the patient is very fond of her dog, like her family member. In prayer I prayed for the patient and the dog while I was holding her hand.

In my Verbatim presentation, some of my colleagues including my supervisor saw that I have all four Verbatim are about Catholic patients whom I ministered. Honestly, I do agree about their observation. I explained that most of the time I feel accepted by the Catholic patients because many factors that support me to do it. I have duty to give communion as a Eucharistic minister. So everyday I meet the same Catholic patients who require communion. Those patients appreciate and accept my presence as a chaplain, a seminarian and their friend to talk to. I don’t deny this reality because the majority of the patients are Catholic. So, I feel comfortable to minister them and it makes me happy to be a minister here. Then, there is a challenging question, such as how I manage if I have to minister patient who is not Catholic. I answered that so far my memory is full of the Catholic patients whom I ministered in daily basis. In fact I do minister other patients regardless their belief and religion or religionless. In reality, the percentage of the patients are Catholic, so I don’t have to be feeling guilty that I have more memory ministering them compare to the other religion. I have few non-Catholic patients whom I visited in daily basis if they require my visit. I do that with my willingness and so far I could remember them in my mind such as one Greek Orthodox lady last week, one 89 years old lady who always asked me to pray for her everyday and she is a Methodist and always held my hand when we prayed. It happened a couple of weeks ago. All in all, it seems that I have tendency to minister more to Catholic patients who accept my visit but in fact, I manage my time and my visit as equal as it requires regardless their religion. As long as they require daily visit and other spiritual things, I have the same spirit to give what they need. It is a challenge for me to treat the patient equally and I am aware of my tendency to fond of the Catholic patients.

At 4 p.m. I could take a rest at the cafeteria with drinking ice tea and donut then went home to relax little bit. At 5.30 p.m. I attended the Mass and had dinner with the brothers. At 7.15 p.m. with Brothers Ronald, Philip and Victor, I watched a video entitled ELF which was borrowed by the brothers yesterday at the public library. It’s a sort of silly and ridiculous funny movie. At night I called up my oldest sister in Ponorogo, Indonesia to know more about the preparation of my youngest brother, Jimmy who engages this Saturday morning. He is 23 years old and his girl friend is 19 years old. To see them I just reflect myself: I’m almost 31 years old in November this year and I don’t take the final commitment yet in the religious life, namely, the perpetual vows. I feel that I am too old compare to them who are in young age but they have gut to do their ‘perpetual vows.’ I am looking forward their wedding if it is possible will be when I am coming to Indonesia next summer 2006. I pray and make a wish in my prayer that before I leave for Indonesia next year, I am already in final vows so that I would not be feeling like now: I have been in this age, how come my youngest brother whose 8 years difference with me already fulfills his ‘perpetual vows’ (read = marriage) but me (read = my religious perpetual vows). I could tolerate and understand when my other younger brother whose 3 years difference with me has already a son, one year old and has married in 2003 because I entered the Xaverian after I worked for three years. But, how do I see myself compare to my youngest brother when I attend his marriage but I don’t have final one? This my plan and dream as of now to have ‘final vows’ and I just to surrender to God’s plan through my formators and superiors.

As I entered at my room, on my bed there is a book entitled Sensing Transformation written by Brother Eugene Gizzi, CFA. He’s the Alexian Brother who gave me a tour at SAMC last week. He put some bookmarks on his poetic book reflection.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005.

In the morning as usual I did the daily activities at the Alexian Brothers’ community then at 8 a.m. at the CPE started with morning devotion by Bob and report by Linda. Eric presented his 4^th Verbatim at the CPE class. At 10 to 11 a.m. I went to round at 3 West and gave communion to Brother Felix who is still at 2 East. Coming back to Roncoli Center, Digna called me telling about my incompleteness filling out the deceased patient forms I did when I had on-call last Saturday. She reprimanded me to do better job next time. Fortunately, the secretary of the Spiritual Care, Theresia could found the data on the computer system. I apologized to Theresia on this regard. We watched a video for the education of the CPE program, about mind and body, relationship between spirituality and medical health. At 12.30 p.m. we had lunch and at 1 p.m. In today’s class I didn’t talk at all since I didn’t need to talk because I didn’t have any important things to say and all I thought have been said by my colleagues. I was amazed by my colleagues who are able to talk many things instead I don’t have this kind of capacity. I just want to be authentic, to be myself. I would talk if I have something I need to talk. If I don’t have an idea to say, what I have to say I don’t know, better I listen to them attentively. I started my clinical visits at 6 West and 3 West as well as gave communion to some patients at 2^nd and 3^rd floors. Nothing is special on my clinical visits today except that I did give communion to some 14 patients at three different floors that make my role as an acolyte functioned. At 4 p.m. I finished my job and went to library of the ABMC and tried to open the Internet. I was glad that the system of the computer at this library can be used to access to Internet so I don’t need to go to public library any longer to check my e-mail or post my weekly journal. At the same time I got news via email from Father Rocco that he and other Xaverian confreres from Hyde Park would come to visit me here on Thursday. It’s fit that I could reply soon through this Internet at the ABMC library. I had second lunch at the cafeteria: drinking apple juice with ice and eating donut. I came back to Roncoli Center then to my room to relax for a while. At 5.30 p.m. I attended the Mass presided by Father Stan (the Indian priest at the ABMC), who just came back from his vacation in Italy. In the supper with the brothers there were few brothers, only one table because some of them had meeting and other event.

I spent my evening again with the three brothers (Ronald, Philip and Victor) watching video about traveling to Equator tracing Mark Twain by Peter Ustinov and at 9 p.m. I came to my room to type today’s experience.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005.

At the CPE program today, Annie presented her book discussion on Andrew Lester’s book, Hope and Pastoral Counseling chapter 3 followed by debriefing due on schedule for next two weeks. After having lunch, I did visit at 3 West and 6 West, about 13 visits. At 1.30 p.m. my supervisor, Digna met me at 6 West to have personal conference for 50 minutes. One input that Digna gave me today and I would never forget is about my pattern to be conformist: always see good things in difficult/negative situation. She suggests me to bear together with the patient in their negative situation and not directly draw positive things. It’s quite challenge for me because I tend to see good things in spite of difficult situation. It is evident when one of the patients came to me while we were having personal conference. Digna paid attention to my conversation with the patient and afterward she gave me insight that she just talked about. It’s not wrong to take positive message in difficult situation but it will be much proper if I do it in a flowing process, not direct drawing positive points in difficult situation. I could understand of her point and input and tried to make me aware of this pattern I tend to. She gave me some other inputs regard some issues at the CPE program. I said to her about my answer to a page when I had on-call duty last Saturday, namely, I went across to Rehabilitation Center to give communion to two patients as they required through the pager. She didn’t say that it’s wrong but it’s a good and proper thing because the Rehab is still part of the ABMC hospital. Before I just thought that I violated the territory of ABMC in my on-call duty, so I tried to make confession of my fault. Fortunately, she gave clarification and said that I still did a proper and manageable job on my on-call duty last Saturday. The impressions I have on some visits are one 20 years old young lady who is from Burma/Myanmar accepted my visit. She has kidney stone and today discharges. Her sister and other family members who are Baptist denominations, asked me to pray for the patient. We had nice chatting and we matched due on our original place, South East Asia. I gave communion and visited two Spanish-speaking patients by using Spanish prayer.

I attended the Mass at 5.30 p.m. and supper with the brothers. Brother Dan, the rector, said to other brothers that due on my last day that is on August 20, the brothers are going to celebrate my last days on Thursday, August 18. Brother Dan and the provincial Brother Larry are going to go to the Philippines so I would not meet them when I leave the brothers’ community. He commended to the brothers here regard my departure so that I and they may say goodbye formally in friendship way, namely special menu on supper on August 18. I have been living at the Alexian Brothers community for two months and they accept me very nicely and I feel being accepted as their brother as well even though I am not in their order. It’s awesome, precious, unforgettable, and worth experience I have in this summer. I told Digna that this CPE experience is sort of my honey moon one and she notices and affirmed that I have prepared it since last year and her impression is that I’m enjoying this full immersion experience. Thanks for her positive evaluation of me.

In the evening I called up to Hyde Park to make sure that Father Rocco and my other confreres will come here tomorrow evening to visit me and eat out together. I called up at Wisma Conforti wanted to talk to Maryono (an Indonesian Xaverian student who studies theology in Mexico and will return to Mexico on August 6) but he’s not there. Instead I could talk to Bu Kismo who works at this Xaverian procurator house and it’s nice that I could talk to her again. I called up Ignas at Wisma Xaverian in Jakarta and he will arrive in Chicago on August 15. Together with three brothers, Ronald, Victor and Philip, I watched video of Mark Twain, the second tape continuing yesterday’s film that lasted two hours. It showed us some country stories such as Nepal, India and South Africa. At 9.30 p.m. I entered my room and typed this journal.

Thursday, August 04, 2005.

At my CPE, there’s presentation of Verbatim by Dirk. I had round at 6 West at 10 to 11 a.m. From 11 to 12.30 p.m. we continued the Verbatim and debriefing about our graduation day regards liturgy that will take place at the hospital chapel on Friday, August 19. After having lunch I did clinical visit and gave communion to patients at 6 West, 6 East and 3 West. There were about 19 patients today. I ministered to one Italian (Bari) who only speaks Italian accompanied by his wife who speaks English. I used Italian prayer and gave him communion. I did the same thing with a Spanish-speaking lady with Spanish prayer I have prepared. At 3 West I met one patient whose stroke and she has difficulty to pronounce her own name and she couldn’t read my nametag. It’s a challenge to be patient and be compassionate to the patient. Even, she didn’t remember the Hail Mary prayer. It’s sad to see this reality. One patient whom I visited today was very afraid when I entered the room and luckily there were family members who explained to me and let them know that we offer spiritual care and chaplain for 24 hours in case the patient need spiritual well being. Once again there was one couple whose 64 years in marriage. The wife is taking care of the husband who has difficulty in hearing. They told me their story when they were young and they are very grateful to have each other in their marriage. They are Lutheran. It’s a model of perseverance and faithfulness toward the spouse. One patient shared his opinion about religion. Now he doesn’t belong to any religion but he has built his own spirituality based on the philosophy of Taoisme and his wife is Jew but not practicing her religion. He educated his three children in free will or free choice to embrace or belief in any religion. He had difficult time in Catholic education when he’s young with the hardness of nuns. So, he doesn’t want his children to be like him and he wants his children free choose their own belief without coercion doing this or that. As I gave communion in a room of 6 East, I realized that it’s a nun who was on the bed. I couldn’t know if they didn’t say their identity because they use casual dresses, not habit.

I attended the Mass at 5.30 p.m. and even though I didn’t eat, I came to the brothers’ dining room. I told them that my rector and other Xaverian confreres would come to visit me this evening. They are Father Rocco, Father Willy and Jacques who came here at 7.25 p.m. and they met Brothers Ronald and James. They invited me to eat out at a Mexican restaurant nearby here. They came to see Brothers Dan, Zeke and Gene and they had conversation for a while. They left for Hyde Park at 10.15 p.m. and I typed this report. It’s amazing to see the brothers here especially the elderly ones when I told them that my rector would come here to visit me. Brother James Darby even was waiting for their coming with me. They (Brothers Ronald and James Darby) greeted them at the front door. Once again I was being accepted and supported by the brothers here and often times they say that they are going to miss me when I leave next two weeks. For sure, I will miss them as well. They have been wonderful in giving hospitality to me. It’s nice also that my Xaverian confreres came to visit me here. It’s sort of fraternity day because today is Thursday when we have tradition to pray for all Xaverian in the world. So, I think it’s good day to celebrate our Xaverianity together. Thank you for Father Rocco, Father Willy and Jacques who did visit me here. I appreciate this real fraternal charity and attention as Xaverian confreres.

Friday, August 05, 2005.

Today I am on-call duty starting at 8 a.m. for 24 hours ahead. Annie passed to me the on-call things and I did clinical visits plus communion at 6 West, 6 East, 3 West, and 4 East. I got Code Blue in the morning at ICU unit and I met the brother of the patient and offered spiritual need if it is needed. This morning I kept busy with the visit and once in a while the page was beeping. When I had lunch I couldn’t use the on-call card for the meal and I told my supervisors, James and Digna. James told the head of cashiers and it worked but in the evening I tried again to use it to buy bottle of waters cost $ 3.5 and it didn’t work again. Fortunately, there was one cashier, Trivedi, an Indian lady who knows this case then she told me to pay it tomorrow with this bar code card. I did it in the morning on Saturday and it worked. I was just wondering what’s going on exactly yesterday. It could be two possibilities, namely: the bar code card was limited and the limit $15 was over and the second possibility is that it didn’t work yesterday, or error and it worked on Saturday morning. I don’t know now what is really matter at this case.

While at the lunch, I got a page from post partum that a stillborn baby boy, aged 19 weeks the parents required blessing of the chaplain. Since the nurse asked a woman nurse so I asked Annie who was at the cafeteria. After she was done with her lunch, I followed her to see this patient and she did pray for this family who refuse to pray in Catholic way. There was her boy friend with her at this delivery room. The patient is a Caucasian (38 years old) and the boy friend is an Afro-American. I saw Annie was comforting and supporting the family with the lost of their baby. I saw the tiny little baby with black color of his skin. Annie left home and I continued to give communion and visit to some patients.

At 7 15 p.m. I called up Maryono in Wisma Conforti, Jakarta and he is about to leave for Mexico after two months spending his vacation time in Indonesia. He studies theology in Mexico City. I told him that in next two years, let us have dream to make our priesthood ordination happen in Bintaro, Jakarta together with Utomo who studies theology in Italy. I told them that I have intuition and dream in the middle of 2007, three of us will be ordained priest. At least it is my hope for next two years. What will happen in reality, we will see it; in God’s plan and hands I commend it.

Today is the first Friday so there’s adoration to the Blessed Sacrament at the hospital chapel and I attended the Mass at 5.25 p.m. and continued with the supper. I did visit some three new patients at my unit, 6 West. After reading a book, I went to bed at 10.40 p.m.

Saturday, August 06, 2005.

At 2.43 a.m. I got a page from Hospice and I went to visit the patient who was dying. Her son was there and asked me to pray in Catholic tradition. He was with her wife, a Philippines lady. I did pray the commendation of the dying and afterward remained stay with them while the husband was talkative telling many stories and his wife asked about me. Sine the patient was still breathing constantly, I left them at 5.30 a.m. and I didn’t sleep again this morning. After doing the charting at the nurses station, I went back to the on-call chaplain room then to Roncoli Center to get the mail voice of 6038 extension. I met Father Stan, an Indian priest who just came back from Italy. Together with him, I went to the cafeteria to have breakfast. At this time I used the on-call bar code card to pay the meal and it worked and I paid my bottle of water yesterday, about $ 3.5 and it worked as well by the on-call bar code card. I came back to Roncoli Center and I passed the on-call duty to Dirk at 8 a.m. and told him about the bar code card that I have spent about $ 5 and it still has $ 10 for him. There was Sandy as well at this morning to do the clinical visit. I left for home and took shower. At 8.40 as I promised to the brothers, I followed their invitation to have breakfast at Denny’s Restaurant. At this time, Brother Philip who will be transferred in Signal Mountain, Tennessee, paid for us (Brothers Victor, Ronald and me). It’s nice day to have heavy breakfast with them. After arrived home, I did laundry and ironed my clothes then finally took a rest to pay my lack of sleeping last night when I was on-call. At 5 p.m. we had the evening prayer and had supper at the cafeteria. I helped Brother James Darby to open the computer and he typed his medical record like the pulse and other things. He’s 84 years old and has been working in the provincial documentation for 40 years. At 7.30 p.m. I entered my room and typed this journal.

This morning, I called up to my oldest sister who has accompanied my youngest brother, Jimmy, who did engagement to the family of his girl friend in Kediri, East Java. It worked well as they planned some months ago. Hopefully, they are going to be married when I am going home in Indonesia next year in the middle of 2006.

Sunday, August 07, 2005.

Today I woke up later than usual and attended the 9 a.m. Mass at the hospital chapel. The Mass presided by Father Stan was attended by almost 70 people and the intention of the Mass is for the repose of John Paul II. I went home and cooked Korean noodle for myself. In the afternoon I am going to go to the public library with Brother Ronald and Victor in which I will post this journal via e-mail.

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Denny Wahyudi (08 August 2005)

Weekly Reflection (WEEK XI, from 01 August to 06 August 2005)

On this weekly reflection I would like to address some issues due on the CPE program I am doing at ABMC. They are 1) giving communion to patients at Rehabilitation Center across the ABMC, 2) discussion about receiving communion in Catholic Church by other denomination and 3) the problem that I had when I used the on-call bar code card at the last on-call on Friday, August 5.

1) When I was on-call duty on Saturday, July 30, in the afternoon I got a page from the rehab center asking a chaplain or Eucharistic minister to share communion to two patients who require it. I asked whether there is a chaplain or Eucharistic minister on Saturday at this rehab center and the nurse replied that on Saturday Bob, the only chaplain there is not coming. Since I still did entry the data on the computer system after I finished my visits today, I promised that if I could I was delightfully coming there to bring communion. I thought that time if there is not anything to do anymore, I could walk quickly to reach this place, also I never visited patient at this unit, so I was no doubt to fulfill this request. I did meet those two patients and their family and the family were very happy that I could come to visit them and gave communion. The question I raised here is: whether it is proper when I am on-call chaplain, I walk across the street to give communion to the patients there. I told this to my classmate, Annie then to Digna and they gave different point of views. The last clarification of Digna gave me certain answer on this case. What do others (my other classmates) thing about this?

2) On Sunday after the Mass, I read an article on a Catholic newspaper (Our Sunday Visitor, August 7, 2005) about communion at the Catholic Church. I want to clarify the issue of it because I heard this matter in the CPE class. Here, I quoted what it’s written there:

Pastoral Answers by Msgr. M. Francis Mannion (a priest and theologian of the Diocese of Salt Lake City). The title is Communion Confusion.

Question: A friend of mine is a devout Christian, but non Catholic - likes to attend Mass occasionally. She admits that she does not believe in the Real Presence, but she often receives Communion because she thinks it is a “nice devotion.” How can I discourage her from receiving Communion without making her feel unwelcome at Mass? How should I explain why I do not receive Communion when I attend a non-Catholic service?

(by Ruth Froehlich, via e-mail).

Answer: I recommend that you begin with the latter question: Why you as a Catholic do not receive Communion when you attend a non-Catholic church. Your stance of non-reception and that of Catholics in general on this matter is not intended as an insult to no-Catholics and their worship. We do not refrain from Communion because we think that other churches are not real churches and that their worship services are bogus (a position that Catholics held popularly in the not-too-distant past).

The reason is because we are literally not “in communion” with these churches. From the Catholic point of view, to receive Communion in a non-Catholic church is to accept all that that particular church believes to be true morally and doctrinally.

For instance, for a Catholic to receive in a Lutheran church would be tantamount to rejecting the Catholic beliefs that Martin Luther and his followers did.

By the same token, non-Catholics do not receive Communion in the Catholic Church, because to do so would be tantamount to making a profession of faith in the whole corpus of Catholic doctrines and morals. A Lutheran receiving Catholic Communion would be expressing adherence to all sorts of beliefs that Lutheran officially reject. Thus your friend needs to understand that receiving Communion at the Catholic Mass is far more than a “nice devotion.” Communion is heavily enriched with meaning.

Moreover, in my understanding at ABMC here, there are some chaplains who are not Catholics, also receive Catholic Communion in the Mass and even give Catholic Communion to patients (is it true?). I heard at the CPE class that non-Catholic chaplains are not allowed to receive Catholic Communion that eventually make my Lutheran classmates do not attend the Mass again at the Catholic chapel at ABMC (it’s my observation that should be clarified as well by them). I heard the discussion about it in the class last week, but I didn’t speak and contribute anything, so at this opportunity I just want to address it again through the credible resource I get above.

3) When I was on-call duty on Friday, August 5, I tried to use the on-call bar code card to pay my lunch because the total of the food I took cost $ 5.06 in which I couldn’t pay with my CPE student bar code whose only $ 5. We know that the on-call bar code has $ 15. I gave the on-call bar code to the cashier but it didn’t work. She said that it was not enough money inside. Then I used my student bar code and reduce the food I have taken, so it cost less than $ 5. I was wondered about this incident because I never experienced expiration of using the bar code of on-call chaplain. I have experience couldn’t use my bar code student at least twice when I paid my lunch, then avoiding ‘difficulty’ that took longer time while some other people were behind me wanted to pay in hurry, I just paid my lunch with my own money pocket. It happened at least twice so far I can remember. It doesn’t matter at all for me. But, the event that happened with the on-call chaplain bar code made me very disappointed. It is supposed consist of $ 15 but I couldn’t use it early in my on-call duty. How fare it was? Seeing at the cafeteria there was Digna and James, my supervisors of CPE then I told them about this case. I appreciate James’ quick response. He asked the chief of cashier and she told me that it worked. She showed me a register of a cup of coffee that cost $ 0.8 using the number of the on-call chaplain bar code. Then, I was convinced that I could use it in the evening to buy some bottles of water for my on-call duty. Unfortunately, when I used this on-call bar code to pay for my $ 3.5 bottles of water (one bottle of Odwalla cost $ 2.5 and one Dasani water cost $ 1), it didn’t work again. At this time there was Trivedi, an Indian cashier who knows this case and tried to help but it didn’t work. She comforted me that I could take the bottle of water and tomorrow morning I should pay with the bar code on-call. Once again it made me disappointed again but luckily there is somebody who knows this case. Then on Saturday morning, with the witness of Father Stan I used this bar code chaplain to pay my breakfast that cost $ 1.5 and it worked properly then I told the morning cashier that I should pay the bottle of water I took yesterday that cost $ 3.5 and it worked again using this on call bar code. SO, I still wonder about this case. There are two possibilities on this situation, namely: The first one is the bar code didn’t work properly on my on-call day (however, Annie the on-call chaplain before me, saying to Digna and me that she only used this bar code chaplain in the Friday morning to pay only for her tea. I know as well that she is not a “breakfast person” as she always shares in the class). The second one is that in the bar code is really didn’t have enough money to pay my lunch ($ 5.06) or my bottles of water ($ 3.5) in the evening. I know that the chief cashier tried to use my bar code number to pay a cup of coffee ($ 0.8) and it worked, as she told me with James. It makes sense that it worked if only using less than $ 1, but in the evening I tried again to pay $ 3.5 it didn’t work. So, my rough conclusion is that this bar code on that day (Friday) didn’t have enough money to pay my meal or my bottle of water. What do you think about this, friends? I hope we can discuss this delicate issue that need to be clarified in openness and honesty with big heart and gentleness. If it is not clarified now, I am afraid that it triggers unnecessary suspicion that maybe not true. Do you have any suggestion to detect it? On Saturday morning when I passed the on-call duty to Dirk, I told this clearly that I have used about $ 5 for my breakfast including the bottle of water of last night that cost $ 3.5, so he still could use about $ 10 on Saturday.

MINISTRY REFLECTION FORMAT (VERBATIM)

I. DATA

CHAPLAIN NAME: DENNY WAHYUDI

MINISTRY REFLECTION: #4

DATE OF VISIT: July 27, 2005 DATE OF REPORT: August 01, 2005

PATIENT’S NAME (fictitious name): John

AGE/RACE/GENDER: 89/Caucasian-American/Male

FAITH AFFILIATION: Catholic

MARITAL STATUS: Widower

NURSING UNIT: 6 West

TIME OF VISIT: third visit

NUMBER OF TIMES VISITED THIS PERSON: 3 times

LENGTH OF VISIT: 30 minutes

INDICATE WHETHER VISIT IS WITH PATIENT/FAMILY MEMBER/STAFF: patient only.

STAFF CONSULTATIONS: -

DIAGNOSIS: O-URIN TRACT INFECTION NOS

II. REASON FOR PRESENTING THIS VISIT:

I am impressed by the faith of the patient as he told me during my visit. His story how he converted and how he searched for his spirituality and religion then how he perceives his life as grace of God that he always be thankful gave me a lot of wisdom and real witness. His readiness to die soon or later peacefully and no complaint at all on his new diagnosed disease, that is, cancer in his stomach, I really admire of.

III. PREPARATION FOR VISIT/PREVIOUS VISITS:

As usual I did my daily visit to patients and he’s on my communion list, so I visited him as follow up of my two previous visits.

IV. CLINICAL OBSERVATIONS:

- Focus on physical setting: He’s the only patient in his room, sitting on the spot close to the window with the brightness of sunshine. There were white tunics covering Air Conditioner under the window. I was sitting on the bed facing the patient.

- Focus on the person: The patient was listening to the radio (Baseball game in which CUB play in California). He listened to the radio because he couldn’t see the TV clearly due to his eyes. As I entered the room, the patient was shutting his eyes, while he was listening to the radio, his own black compo tape recorder on his bed.

V. THE VISIT

C = Chaplain

P = Parishioner

C1: Hi John, how are you? (The patient was sleeping on his chair on the corner of his room. He’s the only patient at this room. He’s listening to radio, CUB plays in California).

P1: Hi Denny, come in, sit here.

C2: Thank you, John (I came closer to him and as usual I sit on the bed, facing him who was sitting on his chair). So, how are you doing today?

P2: Fine, I have test this morning and I am waiting for the result. Maybe today they will give me the result and probably tomorrow I may go home. So, how are you today? Are you busy to visit patients?

C3: I’m fine. Yes, as usual I have about 17 patients to visit today. Not that bad. How is it so far your health?

P3: I’m getting better now. The doctor said yesterday that I have cancer in my stomach and it will spread in my body. I don’t want have chemotherapy. I’m ready to die or what happen next I’m ready.

C4: O yes, you have told me about that yesterday. How about your daughter, does she visit you today?

P4: Yes, she will come in the evening. She is working now.

C5: How do you feel now?

P5: I feel I’m ready to whatever possibility that will happen to me. I have been grateful to my age now. I think I’m happy with my life and I’m ready to leave.

What do you mean to leave?

C6: What do you mean to leave?

P6: I mean, I am ready to leave for my home here in the world and my home when I die.

C7: So, you live by yourself in your home?

P7: Yes. Sometimes, my daughter takes me to shopping mall and to church. I’m happy with my family. They have been great for me.

C8: That’s wonderful that you have family who take care of you. Bye the way, when was your wife passed away?

P8: It’s about 10 years ago, in 1995, then I live by myself. After that, my sight was decreasing. I couldn’t see clearly as I used to be, so I after 6 months my wife passed away, I didn’t drive anymore. My daughter always helps me to go somewhere.

C9: It must be difficult that you have to give us little by little, to be dependent to others starting from little things.

P9: Yes, it’s difficult but in process finally I can give up many things and it’s good that my daughter is willingly helping me out.

C10: So, what is your plan in the near future?

P10: Probably, I will end up in a hospice, either in my own house or in hospital or wherever I am ready.

C11: Once again you are ready with your open heart to give up your future into God’s hands through the doctors and your family. Honestly, I am impressed by your witness. Often times I see some elderly patients, mostly old men who have similar behavior like you. You have inner and depth peace, happiness in your heart. I can see in your face that always expresses smile and welcome others.

P11: Well, with my age like now, what I can hope more. I am always grateful to God and my life experience in so many years.

C12: Thank you very much, John for your wonderful witness to me. In your deep faith and your surrendering to God’s love, you give me real example of faithful fellow. By the way, what do you listen to this tape?

P12: I was listening to the radio, the baseball game, Cub who plays in California.

C13: Why don’t you watch this game on TV?

P13: (The patient pointed his own eyes) I can’t see clearly the TV with this distant. In my own house I can see TV with close distant but not here. It’s too far from my eyes.

C14: O, I see. So, you love baseball game. You’re fan of CUB?

P14: Yes, sure.

C15: So, now you are ready to receive communion?

P15: Yes, I am ready.

C16: Let us pray, In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. O Merciful God, thank you for your grace that you have given to us especially to John with special care and love you shown to him in his old age. Through his loving family, through the doctors and the nurses you have given him privilege of life in this world. We thank you and praise you, O God with all of these blessing. Thank you, O God for the great witness of his faith that he has shown to me. We believe that you have given this great faith of surrender only in your will. We ask that you continue to accompany him in his life journey in this world, so that you grant him healing power if it is your will and moreover your peace is always in his mind, heart, soul, and spirit. We ask this through Christ, our Lord. Amen. Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy. Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world have mercy on us, Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world have mercy on us, Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, grant us peace. This is the body of Christ who takes away the sins of the world, happy are we who called to this supper. Lord, I’m not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall be healed. The body of Christ, John. Amen. Let us pray. O merciful God, thank you for your presence, real presence in the body of Christ that now remain in John’s body. We ask you to continue to give John strength, hope and great faith that you always give to him in his life’s journey. May he always have peace in his mind, heart, spirit and soul in you. Through Christ our savior, forever and ever. Amen. May the peace of God and the healing power of Jesus Christ always upon you, John, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Thank you, John.

P16: Thank you, Father. O, sorry, I always call you father.

C17: It’s OK. I’m still seminarian.

P17: Where are you going to go after your program here?

C18: I will return to my seminary in Hyde Park and continue my theology study. Two more years I will be ordained priest. I’m taking two masters, M.Div and M.A. in spirituality.

P18: O, Wonderful. I’m interested in spirituality. I wish I could attend the class of this major. It must be interesting. It’s important for you. We always need priest. You will be a good priest.

C19: Thank you. How do you become a Catholic?

P19: Actually, I was not a Catholic. When I was a kid, I was a Protestant. My mother always took me to different kind of churches to attend Sunday school. I was searching for religion after I was married. I was married in 1942. I liked to learn of Eastern religion that shows contemplative and silence in God. Eventually, I found it in Catholic that has monastic life. My wife followed me in practical ways because she saw that our children would be good in Catholic schools. But, I have my own reason to embrace Catholicism that is my spiritual reason, deep in my own heart. I always feel peace in the church, in meditation, silence and listening to the music of the Church. Wow, it’s wonderful. Actually, I was in the third order of OCD, but after the second Vatican Council, I left.

C20: What was the reason you left?

P20: I found out that there were a lot of changes afterward. I had to make appointment to have confession to a priest and there was no more reverence to the sacrament. Silently, I left this third order even though I ever became a prior.

C21: Where did you live at that time?

P21: I lived in Chicago. We met in a church.

C22: How many people with you at that time?

P22: There were about 40 people, man and women.

C23: How about your wife, did she join you in this third order?

P23: No, only me. Sometimes we had meeting in Holy Hill Monastery in Wisconsin. At that time, we had to do office prayer everyday in English but that time the Mass in Latin. We had to do meditation daily about 30 minutes on the Word of God.

C24: O, that’s great. So, you have great experience in your spirituality. I guess it’s more than a seminarian or a religious now. John, Thank you so much for your sharing to me. It’s really great example of your spirituality when you’re young and I still see in you, your deep faith that you express in this reality of your life. Thank you, I appreciate it this conversation and your kindness to tell me about all of these.

P24: Thank you, I hope and pray so that you will have good life in your ministry, success in your study and to be a good priest. Maybe tomorrow if I will go home and not to see you again, I will pray for you.

C25: Thank you, John. We’ll meet you in our prayer in the spirit of God, we are going to meet each other. Thank you, Have a wonderful evening and restful sleep. Bye.

P25: Thank you, bye (Shaking hand).

VI. ANALYSIS OF YOUR MINISTRY

A. CHAPLAIN

I felt that I was being accepted warmly by the patient since my first visit and I just continued this feeling and my follow up visits. During the visit, I was impressed by his faith and his point of view and his witness. All of his spoken and unspoken word was just giving me insight and good example. I like to identify myself to his spirituality in surrender and total giving up in God’s hands. I was doing well in inviting him to tell his experience of his spirituality in the third order and his future hope that he honestly explained to me. Probably, I could explore more about his spirituality and how he understands God in his daily journey. I could learn more about his life witness.

B. PATIENT

I could see in the patient, great peace in deep heart and deep spirituality. In his surrender to God’s will, he told his feeling and his hope that he always is ready to leave for God. His unspoken word is his gesture to respect my presence as a chaplain in which he often times calls me, “Father.” He has very high respect to priest that I believe as his practical teaching in his young age that he still keeps it until now. His main concern is his readiness to whatever possibility he is going to receive regards his health. Therefore, his spirituality to leave this world whenever God calls him is so high.

C. CAREGIVER

I could see that his relationship with his daughter whom I met once was very good. He told this as well in our conversation. The way they express their love (greeting with kissing as father and daughter) that I could see when the daughter was leaving was really struck me. The daughter is very grateful to his father and her concern of him is so evident. The way the daughter treats this patient with taking him to shopping and the church are very evident of her care and love to her father.

D. FAMILY DYNAMICS/SYSTEMS

I don’t know what original culture or nationality of this family but I can see that they are American born and still keep tightly the meaning of family that love to the parents is very high value. The daughter’s behavior and treatment to the father is symbolizing the value of this family in supporting each other. I believe the last years, months, days and seconds of the patient will be in the care of his family, especially his daughter. I don’t know if I have this family system I my own family because recently, there is a friction between my father with my oldest sister’s husband that influences a lot to the relationship of my father to my sister and her children. I hope that they will have reconciliation in future days, I don’t know when. But, I’m glad that my sister can be a mediator that still keeps in touch with my father even though it’s different in many ways.

E. HUMAN THEMES

Openness and welcoming to others, deep joyful in heart, respect, love to family members, care and concern to elderly, readiness to give up little by little and everything, process of dependent to others in family.

I’m impressed with the spirituality of welcoming others by the patient. I was feeling very accepted by him in my first visit in which he pleased me to sit on his bed and he told me many things including the previous chaplain who has visited him and he remembered him (Dirk that is a Lutheran) and he talked nicely about Dirk.

F. THEOLOGICAL THEMES

Surrendering in God’s will in old age totally. Deep spirituality in heart and contemplation, hope in the world and eternal life, communion with God and others. The biblical image is like Simeon who was after seeing Jesus, the Savior, he said that he was ready to go back to God. “Now, Master, you may let your servant go in peace, according to our word, for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you prepared in sight of all the peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and glory for your people Israel” (Luke 2:29-32). In addition, his sharing about Catholic pre Vatican Council gave me insight and real witness how he lives out his spirituality in simple, reverence and contemplative ways that he thinks is so different with post Vatican Council.

I think the main theme here is the inner depth spirituality that the patient shows plus his total surrender to God’s will in his almost end of life, once again, give me great witness and example how I have to surrender to God’s plan and not my own will and hope. I see he can transform and transcend his situation and difficulty in God’s will. I think it is a real impact of his deep spirituality he has searched for when he was young and he found it, that is contemplative in Catholicism. Even though, the Catholic teaching has changed after the Second Vatican Council that he is not agree fully, he eventually can accept and compromise with returning again to Catholic faith. His process of faith has been challenged by the time and he can stand and revive again with his own way. I can easily identify and want to live out my own spirituality with this patient, that is contemplative and total surrender only in God’s hands in whatever situation I have to face in my life. I want to be like him in many positive ways such as open and welcome others warmly, keep principle of personal faith and to be flexible with new teaching of the Church.

G. KEY LEARNINGS

I learn of this visit: deep spirituality of the patient that comes from his inner contemplative life and his surrender to God in total way. This key learning is connected to my learning goal (professional goal) that is able to do the clinical visit with applying what I have learned especially in good listening. Because I have been impressed by the patient’s witness, I couldn’t wait this experience to be realized into words becoming this Verbatim, so directly at night I write it down as I remember freshly what we were talking about today.

H. PASTORAL CARE

I learn of this visit: exploring more about the spiritual life and old story of the patient regards his contemplative life and his adaptation to the changing (the Second Vatican Council), to be a good listener and affirming the real witness of the patient in his faith. I guess in the near future as a chaplain, one could focus on the accompaniment on his last journey facing his last days and his terminal illness. I believe that the patient has already great readiness to his death, so the role of a chaplain here is as a company and shepherd whom he admires and respects as he practices his spirituality.

My role here is a chaplain, a learner and observer of the patient regards his faith and real witness, giving affirmation, a company, in liturgical in giving communion and leading the Catholic prayer and sacrament.

I. CHARTING

I did follow up visit, had mutual conversation and gave communion.

VII. SHARING THE LOAD

O Merciful God, thank you for your love that you have given to John in his great number of years of life. Thank you for the family, the doctors and the nurses who always give good care for him in these days. We ask that you continue to grant him healing power in this special moment and place. Let his total surrender to your compassion becomes fruitfully realize in his life now in this world and in the eternal life with you. You’re source of life and you’re source of consolation, give him always great heart to be ready in your loving care through many people who share care and love to him. Make his faith example to be great fruitfully grow and influence to others especially the family and all who see the goodness of yourself through him. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen.

O Most merciful God, Thank you once again for your real love that you have shown to me through your beloved son, John. With his life and his conversation spoken and unspoken word, you have revealed your compassion and great faith surrender. May his fruitful life and faithfulness are becoming my spiritual life and let his daily acceptance to others and your will become my pattern in process of my belief and surrender to you. And let his human openness and welcoming spirit become my habit toward others so that I could live fully in your name and your will, not me O God, not me but only in your will that is the most wonderful in my life. Amen.