3rd letter of August 2005

3) 21st Sunday in Ordinary Time, August 21, 2005

Monday, August 15, 2005.
After the Morning prayer at 6.15, the brothers gave farewell greeting to Brother Philip (77) who departs today to Signal Mountain, Tennessee. After all the brothers left the chapel, I said good bye to Brother Philip and I always remember his kindness to me and his last words to me, “You’re…easy person..” He’s the one who always likes to treats me to have morning breakfast on Saturday morning. He’s a good friend of Brother Ronald (90) and both are going to miss each other. They like to tease each other. The CPE program today was for clinical visit. I did visit at 3 West, 6 West and ICU/CCU including communion. At 11 a.m. to 11.45 a.m. at Roncoli Center, I had evaluation meeting with my CPE supervisors, Digna and James plus my mentor at 3 West, namely, Deacon Dave. Overall, his evaluation is fine to me. I am grateful to his kindness for this evaluation and his mentoring for this past two months at 3 West unit, the neuroscience unit. Once again I heard of the testimony of a chaplain that I have an easiness to be treated as a student. Both Dave and Brother Philip, at least today, gave me good remark to continue my journey in my vocation toward missionary-religious-priest. After lunch, I visited again my unit at 6 West and I met one patient lady who had been at this unit a couple of weeks ago. She was grateful that finally there’s no cancer in her body. One 80years old Polish descent lady told me many things about her family especially her grief toward her daughter-in-law who doesn’t cook and things that need to be done as a wife. She lives with her only son and her at the same house. I tried to be patient listening to her story. She thought that I am an American….”No, I’m an Indonesian.” She tried to pronounce ‘Indonesia’ but difficult to repeat correctly. It seems that she never heard of this name. In the afternoon I called up Hyde Park and Ignas has come today in Chicago after having vacation in Indonesia for 2.5 months. I attended the Mass at 5.30 presided by Father Stan, an Indian priest then had supper with the brothers. Before the Mass started, one old lady who likes to attend this daily Mass invited me to come out of the chapel and asked me favor to pray for his son whose alcoholic problem and she wishes so that he will convert soon and his wife would not divorce him. I don’t know why she asked me to pray for his son. It’s a sign that others see me as a man of prayer because they know that I’m a seminarian and religious and in the Mass I tried to remember this intention even in my rosary prayer before rest at night I remembered this old lady’s intention. At 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. together with Brother Eugene, I was watching TV, Hallmark Channel a movie entitled “A man who became a Pope.” It’s about the story of Pope John Paul II. It’s a wonderful film and well done story to strengthen the vocation to priesthood, at least I could feel it. Brother Eugene admired this movie, “well done.”

Tuesday, August 16, 2005.
I woke up in the morning, took shower and prayed the Morning prayer with the brothers at 6.15 a.m., had breakfast and printed out my 6 pages final evaluation of the CPE program. I called up the Xaverians at Hyde Park and talked to Father Victor and Ignas, inviting them to come to my farewell supper with the Alexian Brothers on Thursday. At 8 a.m. at the CPE program we started morning devotion and report by Linda. We had final evaluation of the CPE summer unit started by Eric then me till noon. What I challenge to my colleagues is mindful about time especially on time coming to morning devotion at 8 a.m. How difficult it is to be on time at this morning session with many excuses especially distant place to reach here and commuting plus traffic issue. It is difficult if I compare to myself who stay here and just come to CPE by walking. Overall, the final evaluation is fine.
We (James, Dave and I) had lunch at the cafeteria in good conversation about my experience staying with the Alexian Brothers here then I visited some patients and gave communion at 3 West, 6 West plus 6 East (communion). Some interesting experiences today are: one Mexican patient man whose kidney stone was accompanied by his wife, an American together with their three children (kids). After I gave communion with Spanish prayer then, the little girl came to me asking whether she could receive communion. She asked what is communion. I guess she was told by his older brother (12) who received communion with his father. I asked her age and she replied, 7 years old. The other blond little girl told me that this little sister has not received yet the first communion. Then, I told her that she needs one more year to receive first communion. She asked me what communion is then I explained her little bit. I was amazed seeing this kids walking around the hospital and I saw them at the chapel attending Mass without their mother. They way they received communion it seems to me that they don’t have good education or preparation how the proper hands to take communion. Again the youngest girl came to have communion and I approached her not to take it because she has not received first communion yet. Their oldest brother after taking the blood of Christ was not seriously choking and laughing all the way coming back to his seat at the back.
Another patient is an Italian old man who was accompanied by his daughter. They accepted me very well and moreover they talked more when I said that I am a seminarian of the Xaverian Missionaries from Parma, Italy. I said, “Io parlo Italiano un po.” They have a sort of respect to religious or priests because the wife of this patient has a family who is a bishop in Italy. I offered him Italian prayer tomorrow when I bring communion for him and he’s very glad to know that I can recite the Italian prayer at least Our Father and Hail Mary. His daughter asked many questions as well about myself and we had nice conversation. I wore a gown and glove because the patient has contagious skin disease.
I met two young girl patients, namely, one Islam Palestinian that was born in the USA and the other one is an American Caucasian who just came today at 11 a.m. I offered spiritual well-beings to them and they appreciated. So far in my experience here, youth don’t ask spiritual needs but elderly.
One old lady whose name I am familiar with, was at the isolation room and she was here a couple of weeks ago and she still recognized me. I offered her communion but she wanted tomorrow then I offered her prayer and she agreed. I visited and prayed with some patients who are not Catholic and giving communion to some Catholic patients.
I attended the Mass at the hospital chapel at 5.30 led by Father Andrew then had supper with the brothers. Coming back to my room, I spent my time to read a Catholic bulletin, Our Sunday Visitor (OSV) and typed this journal. My supervisor, Digna in the final evaluation this morning admired my perseverance to type my daily experience that sometimes I take some of it to be my weekly journal. She was plainly saying that she is jealous to see my faithfulness to do it; she used to do it as well. One day in the class she ever mentioned about exercise of talking to oneself. It is a sort of therapy to motivate oneself. It seems like a crazy one who talks to oneself but actually it is very helpful for her as she witnessed in the class. I don’t know if it is fit for me because I feel comfortable using this journaling method to envoy or reflect my daily experience.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005.
This morning I woke up at 5.35 a.m., took shower then prayed the morning prayer with the brothers and had breakfast with them. At 8 a.m. Digna led the morning devotion and report by Sandy. In the CPE program we had final evaluation of Dirk then Annie (while Eric went home because of sick; his face looked very pale). We were done at 12.30 p.m. and I had lunch at the cafeteria with James, the CPE supervisor. At 1.10 p.m. I visited patients at 6 W and 3 W.
One Afro-American man in my primary unit was happily telling his story in his church, the Bible Church and he gave me the bulletin of his church. I asked him of favorite verses of the Bible and he shared with me and I shared my favorite one as well. It’s long conversation regards Bible and faith experience.
Like yesterday I met one young girl and I offered spiritual needs but she didn’t really need. Instead the elderly people whom I visited today, most of them respected my visit and liked to talk more to me. Even one lady was very grateful that she felt my presence with her during the last days she considered helping her healing. She told her roommate about it. After I prayed with her and gave communion, she told me that she is going to discharge and lives in a nursing home. She put one-dollar bill in my pocket saying that it’s for coffee. How I denied her kindness and gratitude I don’t know. It’s kind of dilemmatic issue that I’m supposed not take money from the patient but at the other side I don’t want make the patient offended.
One Italian patient whom I promised to pray in Italian, he was accompanied by his wife whose a cousin a bishop in Italy. They were very glad and talkative to me. They asked many things about their practical faith both in the USA and Italy. I had nice conversation quite a while with them and at the end the wife took money from her purse and gave to me. It happened again today that I couldn’t refuse their intention to support missionaries. They are very respectful to missionaries work and I told them that I belong to the Xaverian Missionaries of Parma, Italy. It’s a common ground to make my visit and conversation flowing. Once in a while they spoke Italian to me but unfortunately I didn’t reply fluently but at least I read the prayer in Italian fluently and they were very glad to hear my Italian reading that was very good according to them. I guess my Italian accent is in Javanese style but actually I like to read in Italian trying to be like Italian.
One old woman was very glad and thankful for my visit. Even though she’s not Catholic but she appreciated my presence to her. I told her that most of the time I have connection more to elderly patients especially women rather than young ones. They remind me always to my grandmothers. After she felt happy she asked more about my identity and I shared my story being a chaplain, seminarian and future missionary priest. It’s quite often happened in my relationship with elderly women patients and I asked them to pray for me so that my dream becomes true in the future such as to be a faithful priest and going to mission………always I say to JAPAN. When I said it to the Italian patient they didn’t get it then I said loudly and clearly in Italian, “GIAPPONE” then they could understand and asked more about it.
In the evening I attended the Mass at 5.30 p.m. and had supper with the brothers while Dirk was on-call tonight. After going home, Brother Ronald invited me to go to the largest mall in this area, and the second largest in the USA, named Woodfield Mall, not that far from here. Brother Victor took us to go to this place. I told them that I am not amazed to see malls because I have seen it a lot in Indonesia especially in Jakarta. Even the architecture of malls in Jakarta is more than here. There are many common things about the mall culture here in the USA and Indonesian regards the pop culture, fashion and teenagers. What they use here most likely in Indonesia as well the teenagers use it. As I saw accessories of cell phone at this mall, I told them even my niece, 10 years old who lives in a small town (Ponorogo) already has a cell phone with price almost $ 200. Even though I don’t have enthusiasm to visit this mall but I appreciate to the kindness of Brother Ronald who has promised me to go to this place before I leave on Saturday.
After arrived home at 8 p.m. I telephoned to my oldest sister, Yenny in Ponorogo whose birthday today (34). She is in Yogyakarta taking vacation with her family so that I called her up to her cell phone. I called up my second sister whose 1.5 months old baby in Jakarta but she’s sleeping and her first daughter, Kezia (6) answered my phone. It’s nice to hear her voice and I asked some questions to her and she likes to talk to me. She could say in English one, two, three, and so on. She goes to first grade at public primary school in the afternoon at 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. She is taught religion teaching of Islam because in this public school there is no Christian teacher. This family of my sister is the poorest economically compares to my other siblings. My siblings once in a while help my second sister sending money or other things. Even though poor but I believe that this family has rich love especially I can see in the voice of the children, my niece, Kezia. I promised her that next year I would see her and buy something for her. They live in Cipulir, Jakarta. I feel that she is the only niece who talks more than the others, at least through telephone. I called up to my other family just to keep in touch and there is a good news that the husband of my cousin has been baptized last Sunday. It’s the family where I lived for a month for the first time I came to Jakarta in 1993 before I got a job. They live in Cibubur, Jakarta. The teacher of their youngest child is the sister of Ignatius, named Lusi. Ignatius’ sister told them that Ignatius would go back to Chicago in August. I told her that I don’t need anything from Indonesia because here I have enough things.

Thursday, August 18, 2005.
This morning I woke up earlier as usual at 5 a.m., took shower, read a book of Henry Nouwen then prayed the morning prayer with the brothers at the chapel at 6.15 a.m., had breakfast with the brothers. In the breakfast, Brother Tom, the president of the Alexian Health System was joining us and having nice conversation with me. It’s unusual that he was having breakfast and sitting with us, normally he has breakfast and watches TV in the other room by himself. I don’t know if he expressed his hospitality to me since I am going to leave on Saturday. I feel very much being accepted by him since he’s always sitting beside me in the chapel and I see his hospitality to me. He’s the top leader of all the Alexian Health System, so I am very honored to be known by him personally, especially living together in the Alexian Brothers’ community for 11 weeks.
In the CPE program, we as the CPE summer students had meeting of program evaluation with Beth, Dave and Rosemary. We evaluated the process of the CPE program especially the role of the supervisors. Overall, it’s very nice and challenging experience in the summer with some insights and suggestions of us as students. At 11 a.m. to 12.30 p.m. we had last group meeting with our supervisors, Digna and James. We shared our feeling and blessing each other. It’s a quite touching moment for all of us who have been meeting regularly for the last 11 weeks at this CPE summer unit at the ABMC. Tears, laughing, deep reflection, wishing the best to each other, blessing shared, and united in the spirit, we ended the CPE summer unit 2005. It’s raining while we had this meeting.
At 1 p.m. I had lunch at the cafeteria then visited some patients at 6 W, 3 W and communion as well at 6 E. I met one Vietnamese lady who just came this afternoon and she knows some SVDs’ priests even she has family member who becomes an SVD. I was told by a nurse that one 94 years old patient would leave and I met him and prayed with him. I was amazed that he still remembered my name even though I didn’t visit him for a quite while. I met an Afro-American lady who is Christian and she was appreciating my visit and prayer. One Italian descent lady who was at my unit came back again to my unit and she was very happy to see me again. I said prayer in Italian and often times she touched me expressing her gratitude. I said prayer in Italian and gave her communion. One man from Cuba who speaks little English and more Spanish was very glad when I came to visit him and offering communion. He spoke all the time in Spanish because I said that I speak little Spanish (Hablo Espanol un poquito). Even though I didn’t get all his sayings but I nodded to affirm his story. I heard him with my gesture and heart in compassionate manner as much as I could do.
At 3 West I visited one patient from Poland who has been living in the USA for 3.5 years. He was drunk and sometimes didn’t know some words in English. He didn’t know the word ‘prayer’ then I showed him a Hail Mary prayer in Polish and I recited it for him and he remembered and prayed it. It’s wonderful to see this patient knew what I mean by ‘prayer.’ He claimed as a Catholic and wants communion tomorrow. At the same unit, I visited a man whose altered mental status. He appreciated my visit and I offered him prayer because he doesn’t want communion even though on the list he requires communion. He was willing to tell me a lot of stories of his life then he asked my story and identity. I was amazed to see patients who were suffering but they still gave best wishes to me in my journey toward a missionary-religious-priest.
At 5 p.m. I was at the hospital chapel waiting for my Xaverian confreres came. They finally came at 5.10 p.m. from Hyde Park. They are Fathers Rocco, Victor and Ignatius. We celebrated the Mass at 5.30 presided by a Polish priest, Andrew then we had farewell dinner at the brothers’ dining room special for me who is going to leave on Saturday noon. They were a lot of food including cake with my name on it. Once again it’s a privilege and grace that I have this summer and once again provided by the Alexian Brothers. Brother Val was busy encouraging me to take the rest of the cake to be brought to my community. Even he took picture of me with the cake using my camera. There was Brother Joseph who just came from Hungary. He and Brother Ted came late from the airport and joined us in the supper. Linda, the on-call chaplain was present as well both in the chapel and the supper. It’s a special moment for me so she came to join us. After the supper ended, I showed my Xaverian confreres to see the brothers’ garden behind the residence. We had nice evening before the shrine of Mary our Lady in the garden accompanied by Brother Ronald (90), my best friend who always treats me to go somewhere like yesterday he took me to the second largest mall in the USA, namely, Woodfield Mall. At 8.15 p.m. they left for Hyde Park and Ignas will pick me up on Saturday noon to return to my seminary in Hyde Park, the Xaverian Missionaries. I did ironing my clothes and typed this journal even though I was bit tired of the day.


Friday, August 19, 2005.
As usual I attended the morning prayer, breakfast and CPE morning devotion led by Deacon Dave and report by Linda Rump while Dirk came with his fiancé, named Jill. I did my clinical visit at 6 West and 3 West. At 11.10 a.m. at the hospital chapel we had graduation celebration of our CPE summer unit for 11 weeks. Formally, I have completed my immersion subject of my M.Div program so that hopefully next year in May I graduate. We shared our last reflection and I uttered my deep gratitude to everybody at this CPE summer program. I shared it as well at the end of this journal. At noon we had lunch together celebrating this graduation at Brothers’ dinning room. Afterward, I did my on-call duty till tomorrow morning. Together with Father Stan, I visited a lady whose miscarriage of 4 months. She only speaks Spanish and she’s at Day Surgery. I visited again the rest of patients at 6 W and 3 E. At 5.30 p.m. I attended the Mass and continued by supper with the brothers and this time there were only few brothers coming because some of them they had other activities. After finished supper, I got a page of a patient at 3 West and the nurse told me that the patient needs support and she mentioned a patient name whom I am very familiar with. I have known her since 8 weeks ago. I did visit her. She’s an Indian old lady who has been here for one week and now she has cancer spreads all over her body. She looked very sad and silently ate her supper as I entered her room. I was present with her and she still recognized me. Even she still keeps my rosary I gave her some weeks ago. I uttered my heart voice that it’s a sort of closing meeting with her. I was amazed that at the end of my day at this CPE program, I could meet her again. I felt that God made it happen. She’s the one whom I made my first Verbatim. I gave her support and prayer so that she would have peace to endure her sickness. She will have chemotherapy this coming Monday. She was feeling alone because everyday she is visited by a chaplain who gives communion but not stay talking to her. So, I did what she needs, just being present with her and trying to bear with her. I’m grateful to this event. The first becomes the last and the last becomes the first. This patient is always in my memory as I continue my journey.
I made round to visit Hospice in the evening and before that I came to my primary unit at 6 W to say goodbye to some nurses and staffs because tomorrow I am going to leave. One patient whom I met was struck me because she was impressed by my voice in the beginning she was at this hospital. She met me here three times but she still remembers me. Honestly, I told her that I’m not sure remembering her maybe because I didn’t see her quite often. She gave me confirmation that I am doing good care of others that she has been feeling. She wished me to be a good minister of others.
In the hospice I met a family who were in the waiting room. They told me that I might see the patient. I have conversation with them. They were an old lady whose husband at the hospice, the fifth floor and their daughter plus their grandson who studies at minor seminary named Saint Loren close to Detroit, Michigan. I prayed with the patient and the family and gave them communion. They told me that the one who studies at the minor seminary has a friend who is from Jakarta, Indonesia.
Nearly to 11 p.m. I was going to bed and I had restful sleep…..

Saturday, August 20, 2005.
My pager was beeping at 00.15 in the middle of the night. I answered this call and went directly to Emergency Room. There was an 81 years old lady who had been intubated and there were with her three persons. I was present with them in their mourning situation. Afterward, there was raining and lightning. I kept remain with them and I was doubt to say prayer because I didn’t see that the patient would expire. She was still breathing and once in a while her eyes open. They family kept talking to the patient. Finally after almost two hours, the patient was brought to 4th floor and I continued to follow them. The patient was conscious again and I offered prayer and talked to her. It’s a little bit long hour in this last on-call I had. I was grateful to have this 3 hours experience because to see the good sign of the patient and also the acceptance of the family toward me. I left them at 3 a.m. and came back to my room at 5th floor. I could sleep about three hours and at 6.30 a.m. I took shower and went to Roncoli Center while the day was still raining little bit. I had breakfast at the cafeteria and said my personal prayer at the chapel. At 10 to 8 o’clock, I got a page from Hospice asking prayer for an expired patient. I went there and said prayer with the family. The patient was an old lady who is Lutheran. At 8.30 a.m. I met Annie, my classmate who was waiting for me at the cafeteria and I told her about my on-call report today and passed my on-call duty to her. I’m done with my chaplaincy at this moment at ABMC. I came back to Brothers’ house and Brothers Ronald, Victor and Joseph invited me to go to eat out at a pancake restaurant. I had waffle. It’s my last breakfast with them. After coming back to brothers’ house, I was packing my things that finished at noon. After resting for a while, I came down to the brothers’ dinning room and being with them and waiting for my Xaverian confreres came to pick me up. I also have submitted all things I have been given by the spiritual department during my CPE students. I put all of these at the table of Theresia, the secretary of the Spiritual care department at Roncoli Center. They were a blue coat, key of Roncoli Center, a pager, my name ID, bar code for dinner, and green book prayer. I left the office officially. I met Brother Zeke at the garden and I gave him my Thank You card and a reflection that I uttered at my CPE graduation. I gave him as well my sexuality paper I made last January 2005. I shared it as well to Brother Eugene. Before I left, the brothers have read my reflection that was posted at the announcement board at their kitchen by Brother Zeke.
About at a quarter to two p.m. the bell was rung and directly I came to open the door. Ignas, Dharmawan and Harno came to pick me up. They helped me carry my suitcase and bags. My farewell embracing hugs to some Alexian Brothers I expressed to Brothers Felix, Ronald, Victor, Tom, James Darby, Valentino and Eugene. I was feeling supported deeply by all of them and they convinced me to come next time and I have place there. The president of the Alexian Health System, Brother Tom, told me that I am welcomed anytime if I need a job to be a chaplain there. They wished me the best and I hope I can invite them in my important events next year in 2006, namely my perpetual vows and deaconate ordination.
We went to Nita’s house and to Ibu Imelda’s house. I saw the deep dedication effort of Imelda, Paolo, her husband and Ibu Andrea who were waiting for the garage sale for PWKI’s social program. Ibu Imelda served us lunch, Indonesian food, especially, hot sauce. About at 4 p.m. we left for downtown Chicago. After difficult to find parking spot, we decided not to watch movie but eating ice cream at Ghirardeli. We savored the ice cream outside while the aroma of horses’ dirt came to hit our noses. We’re four Xaverian Indonesian students, Binsar, Robert and Nita. After I drank cappuccino ice, my stomach was upset and we decided to go home to Hyde Park. Thanks God that I could make it after arriving to the Xaverian House. I went to restroom until three times because I had stomach upset.
I unpacked all things I have after coming back from the CPE. I found new COMMIX, edition of July 2005 at my mailbox and I read it enthusiastically and curiously as usual. I got a postcard from Lourdes, Paris from Mother Oey. It’s beautiful pictures of Pope John Paul II in the shrine of Lady of Lourdes both his young and old ages. My heartfelt thanks to you, Mother Oey whom I believe for sure that you prayed and remembered me when you’re visiting this holy place. Hopefully, next time I have chance to see and visit this famous shrine in France. I went to bed at almost 1 o’clock in the morning.

Sunday, August 21, 2005.
I woke up at 6 a.m. and took shower then prayed the morning prayer at the chapel with Father Victor, Harno, Valery and Francois. We went to the Mass at 8 a.m. at St. Thomas Church. After coming back to home, I have deep sharing with Valery in the kitchen about many things especially to be a Xaverian student here in the USA with my ups and downs experience. At noon I was typing this journal and trying to be faithful to this habit. I got from Ignas who just came back from Indonesia, my white habit that I wore first time entering my novitiate year in 1997 in Bintaro, Indonesia. I asked him to bring it because I feel it’s very proper if I wear it again in my perpetual vows as I pray and hope happen next year, maybe in March 2006? I got from him as well Indonesian ingredients to cook. One Sunday school teacher from Mangga Besar parish in Jakarta, named Nini gave me a package consists of some pictures of John Paul II, a letter telling the activities of Sunday school children whose program to help out the needy children surround them. I appreciate their social awareness that is planted to the youth and children…Bravo! Thank you for all support, remembrance and your gifts to me. Hopefully, I meet you next year when I am going home to Indonesia for vacation in June to August 2006. I tried to wear my white habit and it is till fit on my body. Thank you as well to Mas Aries and Mbak Theresia who have kept my white habit which I have given them before I left Indonesia in the end of 2002.
In the afternoon, I cooked for the community. I cooked beef gravy soup (semur daging) and salad with peanut dressing (pecel). Tomorrow we’re going to go to Frankport, Illinois to have community retreat till Friday.



Graduation of CPE summer unit 2005 at ABMC
Friday, 19 August 2005 (11 a.m. to 12 p.m.).

In the beginning it was DREAM and PLAN that I would go to the CPE summer unit at ABMC. Through the kindness of one Alexian Brother, named Ezekiel Mapa who is my classmate at CTU, I was allowed to have this DREAM and PLAN.
Now, this DREAM and PLAN have been accomplished. They really came true as the grace of GOD accompanies my journey for 11 weeks. A lot of stories I have summarized into words in my daily journal. A lot of memories stick on my mind and heart as I went through this program day-by-day. A lot of graces I have been given gratuitously by so many people whom I remember in my heart. Thank you, O God for these precious events that maybe only once in my life as I journey toward missionary-religious-priesthood.
Living together with the Alexian Brothers in daily lives and sharing our daily spirituality as religious is a wonderful experience I have in my life as a seminarian who have been enjoying this style of life for 9 years. The motto of the Alexian Brothers, “Caritas Christi Urget Nos” (The love of God impels us) is the same motto of the founder of my congregation in the Xaverian missionaries, the Blessed Guido Maria Conforti from Parma, Italy. With the same spirit I come and join the Alexian Brothers for my stay during my CPE summer unit. I am such as a younger brother who is welcomed by the older brothers and in fact I’m the youngest among them. Little by little I get to know the names of the brothers here who always to be part of my journey in the morning prayer and evening Mass and the suppers. I remember where they are sitting in the chapel of the brothers’ residence starting from the left wing: Brother Valentino, Daniel, Philip (who just transferred to Tennessee), John Kim, Victor Lee, Ronald, Felix, then the right wing starts with Brother James Darby, Tom, myself, Eugene, Larry, Ted, Ezekiel (Zeke), and James Klacson. My heartfelt thanks to all Alexian Brothers who have accepted me as their special guest for 11 weeks. It’s a wonderful hospitality that I would never forget in my life. I don’t know how I could express my gratitude to this special grace but I promise to see you next time at least in my prayer and memory, maybe in the events of my perpetual vows and deaconate ordination next year. You are part of the precious gifts in my priesthood formation.
In my CPE, my gratitude and appreciation to all members of Spiritual Care Department especially my supervisors, Digna and James who always accompanied me in this journey. Tears, laughing, joy, sharing, challenging, Verbatim presentation and so on are the menu I have eaten and savored gratefully. My classmates: Annie, Dirk and Eric, how wonderful it is to know and to be with you here for 11 weeks as we journey fulfilling our study in our theology schools toward ministry. Thank you for the example and care of all chaplains and staffs as they mentored me: Linda, Sandy, Dave, Rosemary, Ken, Marty, Bob, Beth, Theresia, Fathers Bill, Andrew and Stan and all resource chaplains. Your names are typed on my daily journal that would be memorable in this stage of my life.
Finally, I express my million thanks for the nice acceptance of all nurses in my primary unit 6 West, Nennete and others plus my secondary unit 3 West, Joanel and others, plus all whom I don’t know their names and their departments. For all patients that probably may reach 1,000 in number whom I have seen during my visit, I pray for all of you. I have met Jesus in your suffering toward hope in this world and future world. All of your faces I keep secret in my prayer as I promise to you to meet again in the spirit of prayer. Thanks for your acceptance and your challenge to me.
Last but not least I share my EROTIC PRAYER as I wrote it in the last of January 2005 in my study at CTU and I promised to share it to all of my classmates and supervisors:

HEALTHY HUMAN SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT FOR MINISTRY
(I-4010) J-Term 2005

O God, you are untouchable by my human senses
But you can be touched by our mind and words.

In inception you created me with loving touch of both
of my parents
In inception you created me with genital touch of my
father and mother
In inception you created me out of human passion and
intercourse
In inception you created me through penetration and
ejaculation
In inception you created me with union of her ovum and
his sperm.

I commend to your compassionate touch:
My sexual awakening,
My sexual identity as a male,
My sexual commitment as a celibate person.

At the same time I commend to you:
My spiritual awakening
My spiritual identity
My spiritual commitment,
In union with you and others toward Healthy Human
Sexual Development
Through Christ, our Master of Love and Compassion.
Amen.