3rd letter of June 2005

3) 12th Sunday in Ordinary Time, June 19, 2005

Monday, June 13, 2005.
Following the routine schedule like last week, I had lauds with the brothers at the chapel at 6.15 a.m. continued with breakfast in which the rector of the house, Brother Dan always cut cantaloupe into slices and shared to us while I ate some sweet bread and cookies. The CPE today started at 8 a.m. with morning devotion and morning report. I just walked 2 minutes to the trailer 2 from this house, right behind the trailer. Today Digna shared her personal story regards to the retreat today then followed by Dirk and Annie. I guess it’s a quite good stuff and reflection to know each other. It reminds me to a model of CHOICE retreat that I ever had in Indonesia. If one shares her/his own story, sometimes it costs emotional feeling and reaction of the presenter. Since it’s a sacred story so we have to keep them in safe confidentiality. We shared our opinion about the COVENANT that we agree upon in keeping compatibility of our CPE group such as respect, being on time, confidentiality, and other good common things to nurture and support each other on this journey. After having lunch at the cafeteria, together with Sandy and Dirk, I visited 6 East and West unit. I visited by myself one patient at 6 West, as my primary unity for clinical visit. After going home, Brother Zeke helped me how to entry the data to the Alexis computer system since I told him about my fault to entry the data of the patient I visited today. Very kindly he showed me how to do it on the computer at this brothers’ community. I could take a nap for a while then went to the Vesper and Mass at the hospital chapel at 5.30 p.m. After supper at 6 p.m. I did my homework preparing my shield of my presentation for tomorrow on the retreat at the CPE.

Today in our visit of a patient together with both of my colleagues, I was struck by a patient who was saying that he’s hungry since yesterday he did not eat anything. When one of us asking what spiritual well being he needs, he replied, "Just bring me a chicken, I will be grateful." At that time, his family (his wife, a son and a daughter were there). They are a Mexican family. I came to know that the patients of this hospital should order their own meal through phone to the cafeteria of the hospital. This is a new thing that I never knew, so it’s a good insight to know. I guess it could be a good matter to write a verbatim in a simple manner, since I have to do 5 verbatim in the next coming weeks. The verbatim is a sort of a report and reflection based upon the visit of a chaplain especially in the conversation and what message we highlight in order to be discussed in our group. In short, we as chaplains offer spiritual needs but if a patient asks a material need such as food, how we handle such a thing. What is the proper treatment to this issue besides showing a menu of food available at the cafeteria?

Tuesday, June 14, 2005.
I started this day with the same routine schedule, prayer and breakfast together with the Alexian Brothers at this community. At 8 a.m. we started morning devotion at the trailer 2 the followed by session that supposed to be a retreat with telling our story. But one of our classmate did not come, so we postpone this session till Friday. I have the last turn to share my own personal story with a shield I have prepared yesterday evening. Digna trained me personally about practical things regard to orientation of CPE student. At 11 a.m. all of us as chaplains gathered at another building to have staff meeting. We talked and discussed about the competency of our service and ministry at the spiritual care department in one issue, namely, cultural issues that we may do better to the patients. At this hospital there are various cultural background of the patients such as Latinos, Polish, Eastern Europeans, Italians, Asians, etc. At noon we dismissed and had lunch at the cafeteria. I had visited five patients at 6 West Unit by myself. I was impressed by a patient who accepted my visit and chatted about religious things. When I entered her room, she was eating her lunch and watching TV, EWTN, a Mass celebration. On the record I brought with me, I read that she’s a Catholic fellow. I offered prayer and we prayed together and I gave my little prayer book that I prayed with her. I asked her if she knows how to pray rosary but she replied, ‘no.’ Then, I promised to bring a rosary and teach her how to pray tomorrow. She if from India and has been living in the USA for 40 years. She was glad when I told her that I come from Indonesia. She called me her Asian brother. After the five visits, I should put into words and records at the file and computer system at the hospital. I get a custom how to do charting work. I hope this visit could be an insight to do my verbatim in the next two weeks.

I returned to the brothers’ house at 4.40 p.m. and took a nap for a while then at 5.30 attended Vesper and the Mass at the hospital chapel. After having supper together with the brothers, I had conversation with Brother Victor about Chinese expedition that occurred before Columbus and he showed me this data through Internet. At 8 p.m. I was typing this journal on my laptop at my room.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005.
Today at the CPE, we had didactic program with a sort of attending speech of two speakers at Saint Alexius Medical Center, about 30 minutes away from this ABMC. Digna gave us ride to get there. They were about addiction and eating disorder. At noon we returned to ABMC and had lunch at the cafeteria. In the afternoon, we did clinical visit to patients and I did at 6 West Unit in which I had about 6 patients to visit. I did give communion to a Philippines patient with his family members who stayed at this hospital only one day. In the evening as usual I attended Mass and had supper with the brothers. I called up my second sister in Jakarta who will give birth her third child next month and my father in Madiun, Indonesia.

Thursday, June 16, 2005.
The CPE program started with morning devotion and clinical visit. I started at the hospital chapel to pray and bring communion before visiting the patients. Today I visited 9 patients and one Indian lady patient, age of 79 year-old I spent about 40 minutes in nice conversation. I prayed together with her and gave her communion while she calls me as her ‘neighbor’ since I come from Indonesia, close to India and also her ‘angel.’ After having lunch at noon, we had retreat session, continuation of last Monday. This time, my friend, Eric and I had turn to envoy our personal story to our colleagues and the supervisors, both Digna and Jim. The rest of the day we had debriefing, talking about our today’s experience of clinical visit and Digna showed us to fill out chart at hospice unit on the 5th floor. I attended the Mass at 5.30 p.m. at the chapel then had supper with the brothers. I read some magazines and Chicago Tribune about St. Joseph Seminary of Chicago and once in a while I fell asleep. I continued to write my journal on the laptop in order to keep up my daily experience. In order to have a relax time I did watch a DVD on the title of the Forgotten.

Friday, June 17, 2005.
Today I have clinical visit from morning to afternoon. I visited 6 patients in which one of them is a Mexican young girl who speaks Spanish only. I tried to speak little Spanish and invited her to pray in Spanish, ‘Dios te salve Maria’ since I also know how to recite it. I offered her a communion but she asked firstly sacrament of reconciliation and I promised her to tell a priest to visit her. I visited again an Indian old lady who likes to talk and tells story to me then I gave her a communion. At 5.30 p.m. I attended the Mass at the chapel of the hospital then had supper together with the brothers. At 6.40 p.m. Steve, an Indonesian friend of mine picked me up to go to his home at Buffalo Grove. His parents-in-law, Ferry and Lely, who are my good friends from Jakarta who came to the USA last week. They are going to have family reunion with others. They are a couple of weekend retreat called ‘CHOICE’ when I was participating this retreat 11 years ago in Jakarta. They know some Xaverian priests in Indonesia who help and participate on this kind of youth retreat.

Saturday, June 18, 2005.
I stayed over night at this family at Buffalo Grove. In the morning we went to a field to watch Alan, the 5 year-old youngest child of Steve-Monci who played baseball. It’s quite interesting to see children play this game. Before noon we returned to their home and had lunch together. I played video game, they called game cue with Thalia and Alan. At night Steve and Om Ferry took me to the Alexian Brothers house at Elk Grove Village, about 30 minutes away.

Sunday, June 19, 2005.
I could sleep longer than usual and I enjoyed this resting weekend. After personal prayer at my room, I attended Sunday Mass together with the Father’s Day at the hospital chapel. We continued with breakfast with the brothers who wore their black habit, at the cafeteria. I did laundry and took a nap till afternoon. At 5 p.m. we prayed the evening prayer then we went to the cafeteria of the hospital to take some food and brought them to the house to eat together with the brothers. In the evening I have time to do my homework of the CPE for tomorrow.

Denny Wahyudi (20 June 2005)
Weekly Reflection (WEEK II, from 13 June to 17 June 2005)

The second week of the CPE has passed and once again I am grateful to this unique experience I ever have in my life. I am getting to know specific things I should know as a CPE student regards my responsibility to visit patients at an assigned unit and filling out the chart both the folder and the computer. Moreover I am getting to know little bit my peer group at this intensive training as chaplain. As we shared our personal stories into the retreat forum, in which we shared our ups and downs life experience to the group, we become more vulnerable as individual in a small group. With trust and covenant we made to keep the secrecy of this stories, we walk humbly together day-by-day to learn the whole packet of CPE and being ready to learn and challenge and to be challenged by each other in many ways. This practice of sharing personal stories is very helpful to understand each other with referring our background and based on our own stories. I believe that each one of us is having assumption, presumption and bias to others but at least with self- revelation, we know more than ever and we are transformed to a new assumption and presumption. Our knowledge to others is always renewed day-by-day as we are interacting with one another.

As I shared my personal story to the group last Thursday, I feel being more accepted with who I am as a person with my own weakness and positive aspects. Even though I have this positive feeling, but actually I still wrestle with my own experience and feeling to be outsider of the group. In my own experience being a member of a group is a positive point to enhance my personality but on the other hand, I have difficulty to be a friendly one to others. Most likely, because I have a quiet personality, so I feel become an outsider of the others. I still wonder to my self that in a certain time and dealing with certain people, I could talk a lot of things but I couldn’t do the same to others. It seems that I don’t have anything to say, so I don’t say anything to others. I have difficulty to make the conversation flowing as I see my friends can do it very well but me. I question myself as a person, why I can’t do the same. As I reflect my own experience when I was in the age of 20’s, I had the ups and downs experience as a person who worked in an office. Before I worked at this office for 2.5 years, I had worked at the other place in which I could adapt easily. But, at this new place, I had difficult time to adjust to my friends at this office. I tended to be lonely and being isolated from others. I couldn’t make friendship with others. It cost me depressive much till I wanted to quit of this work. But unfortunately, my father through his letter encouraged me to remain faithful to this job. I tried my best to be persevered and some months later I had totally different experience. I became much more confident with myself and to some degree of extreme in my behavior. Suddenly, I liked to talk and made fun of others that my friends considered me as an unusual one and ‘crazy’ or overacting. Realizing to the both personality, I changed suddenly my ‘new attitude’ toward ‘old attitude’ since a hard experience I endured at this office. It is a good experience for me not to be extreme in my behavior dealing to others. This light and dark experiences eventually brought me to think again my idea when I was at the High School to enter seminary and become a priest.
Reflecting on this personal experience, I come to know that I never finish to learn of myself. I am a mystery to be learned by myself and others. One thing I can do and continue to practice is to walk humbly with others and to be active as much as I can in simple conversation and not being others but my unique self, aware of my own weakness and continue to focus to others not to my own self.