4) 13th Sunday in Ordinary Time, June 26, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005.
This morning I was so lazy to woke up since my body was bit painful, but I had to do the routine activities as I started the third week of my CPE at the Alexian Brothers Medical Center. After having breakfast together with the brothers, I opened my e-mail and I was so glad that I got reply of a Xaverian father in Japan, named Besco Flavio, whom I sent my e-mail last week, asking of Xaverians mission in Japan. I heard of him from Alberto, a former of Xaverian student who recommended me to send him letter. In his letter, he said, "Japan is a good place to live, but not a good place to preach the Gospel." For this reason, Xaverians work at some areas such as kindergarten and parish work as he does in Izumi Sano. He gave me two home pages that are very informative about our mission in Japan. They are: www.rinku.zaq.ne.jp/tenshi and www.rinku.zaq.ne.jp/sano-katorikku
I am very impressed by the activities of the kindergarten kids on this website and dreaming that someday with God’s will I can join them to this mission land that I have thought since I entered the Xaverians in 1996. Father Besco offers his willingness to answer my further question about our mission in Japan and he recommends me another name, namely, Father Tiziano Tosolini, sx for more philosophical-theoretical approach regards this mission.
After morning devotion with other chaplains, we started our CPE class at 9 a.m. with learning goals. I presented mine with some suggestions of my supervisor, Digna and other colleagues. It’s all about learning objective in three-dimensional things, namely, personal, professional and spiritual that will be evaluated as I am going through to this CPE program in 9 more weeks ahead. Two of my classmates also presented their learning goals then we had debriefing issue until noon. After having lunch at the cafeteria, I tagged along with Dave who is in charge of 3 West Neurology Unit, in which we visited some patients and gave them communion. One of them is from Iraq who has strong belief in devotion. He tried to express how he was healed and cured by the gesture of holy cross that was made to his parts of the body in spite of his difficulty to talk after having stroke attack. The other patient whom we visited, has been already staying at this hospital since two weeks ago and he shared his grievance since the doctor doesn’t success to find the disease and it seems no improvement while he showed us his arm was bit swollen. Dave introduced me to some nurses who work at this unit. This unit with patients who suffered of stroke reminds me to my grandmother who suffered and died because of this disease at Bethesda hospital in Yogyakarta, Indonesia in 1992. I continued to visit some patients at 6 West unit, which is my primary unit. Two new patients I tried to visit did not accept my visit with their own reasons, while one patient was going to discharge and I said my farewell greeting to him. Being denied by some patients in my visit, is not joyful experience but I can understand their privacy and not to force my own agenda as the training is emphasized to me at this CPE program. "It’s all about the patient, not me."
At 5.30 p.m. I attended the Mass at the hospital chapel then we had supper with the brothers, in which almost all 14 brothers coming at these three tables, that usually only two tables. There was Brother Larry, the provincial of the Alexian Brothers in the USA whom I just met today and I gave him greeting then he replied and welcomed me very warmly. This evening I was sleepy and exhausted, so I just sit at my room trying to collect my energy and memory of various experiences I have today. After my energy revives and the tense nerve of my neck disappear gradually I start my journal with writing on my book and type it on my computer, as a realization of my learning goal to keep my experience on my daily journal as the personal goal. I want to appreciate to my pen pals who replied my last weekly journal. They gave me a bit hope and strength in my journey that sometimes cost me worry about my own weakness and limitation as a person in doing this intensive program. Thank you Father Victor Bongiovanni, Darlene and Pascal Atumisi, my confrere who have shared your attention to me.
As I pondered my learning experience on the class today, I was thinking about both of my colleagues who like to argue each other about their own opinion that sometimes cost them a bit of tension. I was amazed and honored their critical thinking in our class that challenge each other but on the other hand I disagree with their own ambition to win their own argument. As a person who is not from this country and the English as my second language, sometimes I miss their conversation. I guess I have to be patient with myself and being aware of this situation, always ready to accept myself as a vulnerable one compares to others who are Americans born. Since my character is tend to be quiet, my supervisor proposed to me to jump into conversation as much as I can as she suggested it for my learning goal in spiritual dimension. I am still hesitate whether I can do this in authentic way since after I review my experience, indeed my attitude toward others is just like so. It’s difficult for me to be like others who like to argue and talk a lot. In my story telling, I mentioned that I often times thinking over and over before uttering to the group and according to my supervisor it’s probably my cultural upbringing and also my own personal behavior and she encourages me to be brave to talk even though having incorrect grammar and just keep going.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005.
Today is a special day for me and for my 4 other Xaverian confreres who celebrate the 7 years of our first vows anniversary. On June 21, 1998 ago, we’re 8 Indonesian students professed our first vows in the hands of our master of novice, Father Bruno Orru, sx in Bintaro-Jakarta. Now, we remain five scattered in four different countries: Utomo in Italy, Made in Mexico, Marsel in the Philippines, Dharmawan and I in the USA. Through e-mail we remind each other our 7th year anniversary and keep in touch in our prayer with hope that all of us will be faithful to this missionary vocation in the beloved Xaverian congregation to the end of our life. We wait for fruitful result that hopefully next year some of us will profess the perpetual vows. I appreciate to Dharmawan and Marsel who have replied my e-mail and offered their best wishes and prayer for all of us both five of us who are still in the Xaverians and our ten other classmates who are continuing their vocation in different styles wherever they are.
In my CPE today, I’m impressed by a class discussion regards resolve a conflict among our colleagues. It’s interesting how our supervisor, Digna, tried to raise the yesterday issue and analyze it in our group. It cost emotional reaction to the pertaining persons but in good resolution we try to help and encourage each other in this group. We keep this secrecy in our group as our covenant. It would’ve been good if it is applied in my religious community dealing with some confreres who sometimes have different point of view and paradigm then contradicting each other. It entails skill of mediator to be peacemaker to resolve the problem.
After lunch, I visited some 9 patients at 6 West Unit in which some of them gave me good impression since they accepted my visit even though one old lady did not accept my visit. I gave communion to three patients who are willing to receive daily communion. After a couple of times doing this visit, I am becoming confident to do this routine duty. In the beginning of course I felt hesitant and anxious to face patient but afterward with my good will spiritually and intentionally and some learning trial and error, I just do this clinical visit with one spirit that I visit Jesus in my life who is suffering with their own disease mentally, physically, spiritually and other things as it’s witnessed by Father Victor Bongiovanni through his encouraging e-mail to me. Today I am satisfied with my experience visiting the patients. Even though once I have been denied by an old woman patient, but I could understand her situation that I never know what’s going on with her. I keep pray for her as she continues in this medical treatment. Once I met one lady who doesn’t speak English and I guess she is from China. What I did is just being present and gave her a prayer card. One young man who was a truck driver, about 23 year-old, I visited him with little chatting and prayer. He’s grateful and appreciative to my visit. A nurse supervisor approached me to visit a patient who is upset to nurses then I came to visit her. She accepted my visit nicely and told her experience today that made her upset, namely, the X-ray treatment. I tried to be a good listener as she told her grievance and offered her prayer. It seemed that she’s happy to receive my visit. It’s all about the patients, not about me, so I have to be ready to whatever situation can be happened to me both good and bad….I surrender to God’s plan, I am just a person who does the duty to visit, no more no less.
At the end of my visit, I returned to the hospital chapel to return the host at the tabernacle and prayed for a moment. I went to the hospital library to pick up the book I borrow, namely, Hope in Pastoral Care and Counseling by Andrew Lester. The librarian helps me find out this book and she got it from Loyola University in Chicago. It is used for book review in my CPE program. At this library, there are about five computers with access to Internet that open to public as well.
After having Mass in the evening, we had supper together with the Alexian brothers and this time the room was pecked because all 14 brothers came and there were some guests. We were separated on three round tables. Some Indian priests came to stay at this brother’s house. They are missionaries of de Sales from India who work in the USA. One of them, Father Abraham, a young priest ever served as a chaplain at this hospital some time ago. After having dinner, I asked favor to my colleagues who is on-call service today, named Annie to show me how to use the briefcase for the emergency baptism. We came to the fist floor at Post Partum Unit and saw the briefcase and she showed me how to use things inside. It’s important for me because I never have this experience to baptize a baby, especially in emergency situation. At the brothers’ house, I sit down with three elderly brothers, one of them is 90 year-old, named Brother Ronald just came back yesterday from his vacation in Indiana. One brother named Philip was teasing the oldest one with telling story to me.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005.
Today, there is a candidate, a White American man would have interview with the brothers, probably, applying to join the Alexian Brothers since I see him stayed at this house and joined the prayers.
In the CPE program, our supervisor, Digna reviewed the video we watched yesterday, about Elizabeth Kubler Ross then Eric led the discussion of ‘Living Reminder’, a book written by Henry Nouwen. We discussed about ministry and spirituality. Before noon, Jim Gullickson gave us the spiritual assessment in visiting a patient. After having lunch, soon I visited patients at 6 West. There were about 18 patients on my list and not all available to my visit. Some were sleeping, some others were not at their rooms, and some were not ready to receive my visit because of their condition. I was impressed by some couples, who take care of the husband or wife. In the moment of suffering of the pain, they witness to me their faithfulness, loyalty. I said to them, "You’re a good and faithful husband/wife." One old lady who is sick and receive communion with his husband gratefully answered me, "Yes, sometimes, he’s good" making a joke. Another husband always stays at the room of her wife who suffered of a hard disease. He said that this place is now also his place. One lady whom I visited was uttering her grievance regards the treatment of doctors who do not give her a hope but keep her stay long at this hospital. When I came, she was writing a letter and she was very glad to see me again for the second time. She said, "You’re coming on due time." She concerns a lot about financial thing. Her husband does not work and she has to work soon. Telling her story, she started to cry. As a chaplain, I tried my best to listen attentively and compassionately. I didn’t know what to say but I just remained there and offered a prayer. One old lady who suddenly saying after I said that I am a chaplain, "Of course, I’m a Lutheran. My father is Germany and my mother is Polish. Since kid, my brother and I went to Lutheran church. She knows that she could not receive communion at the Catholic Church. She spoke loudly a lot of stories of her life. Then I offered prayer from the Alexian Brothers’ prayer card. After the prayer, she was speaking again about her experience entering a Catholic Church, etc, etc… I tried to visit two old ladies but they were still sleeping so I didn’t meet them. I just put on the chart, "Attempted Visit." One Catholic lady, who has felt much better from pneumonia, did not want stay longer at this hospital. She was walking around the unit in order to reduce her stress. She likes to talk and tell story to me. I gave her communion and she received happily. One old man whom I visited was taken care by his wife. He’s a Catholic and gladly accepting my visit and told me that he’s a deacon of his Catholic Church and knows very well this hospital. One old patient lady who just arrived, I offered her a communion and asked me if I go to her Catholic Church in Schaumburg and I said, "No." I wrote what I remember from so many conversation I have today and pop up in my memory, so that on due time I have to write a verbatim, I am ready to reflect some of them and deepen them in details. I concluded my visit today at 4.10 p.m. and put the host back in the tabernacle at the hospital chapel.
After the evening Mass and supper, I walked along with Brother Victor, a 58 year-old Chinese man. In our conversation, I asked him about the cost of one day for a patient at this hospital. He replied, "About one thousand dollars a day, but it will be more if they are in special rooms like ICU, ICCU, not including medicine, etc…" Then I can understand how the patients most likely want to leave the hospital as soon as possible, not only their desolation experience but also the factor of financial. I don’t know what happen to a patient who cannot afford the cost of medical treatment here. Should they discharge of the hospital while they are sick, I don’t know.
In the evening, I just stayed at my room, preparing a morning devotion for tomorrow at the CPE program, then just relax remembering the great day today I have experienced meeting and talking to many patients and many other people.
Thursday, June 23, 2005.
I was giving morning devotion this morning that I took from the book of Anthony de Mello, "Wellsprings" and we’re only 5 chaplains because the others have evaluation of their program. This morning I visited patients at 6 West as my primary unit. There were 20 patients on my list but some of them were not available, some were not at their bed, some I gave communion. I remember one old lady about 86 year-old whom I visited for the second time and I gave her communion. With low voice she told me her story that she went to Catholic school since kid at Saint Clement in Chicago. Most of her friends and neighbors were Irish, Germany, and Polish. After telling her story, then she asked about me. "Do you marry?" then she added, "I don’t think you’re married." I replied, "I’m a seminarian and studying become a priest." She was glad to her that and she wished me the best to be a good pastor and she encouraged me that I will be a good one. This is one empowering visit that I ever have beside other patients who gave me joy to serve them. For three times I tried to visit one patient but always a member of the family always denied me without allowing me to enter the room. It’s a part of learning to be humble and accept what the patient want not pushing my own agenda. One Peruvian man who was on his bed waiting for his urine would come out, I visited him and he talked a lot about his family and his belief in the Catholic faith. Once I prayed and gave him communion, he felt peace in his heart as he said to me. After he peed his urine, then he discharged. Some patients I have tried to visit but they were sleeping or still in line with phone, so I put on the chart, "Attempted Visit." One of my colleagues asked me to give communion at his unit, the 5th floor and I was happy to response directly since he is Lutheran and can’t give Catholic communion. I have such a privilege to take communion from the chapel and give to the patients.
After lunch, we had debriefing with our supervisor, Digna. She was telling her own story in regard of our theological story that we have to make for next week and share to the class. It’s almost the same with theological reflection I have received at CTU. One issue was discussed regard the lateness of one of our classmates to come to this debriefing. I learned a lot from the supervisor, how she clarifies the problem and helped us all to see good and bad things and what we can do better for next. It’s her role to direct us to see and evaluate all we do. Sometimes if one can’t accept the input of the supervisor, she/he will be upset and defend with his/her own opinion and it takes a lot of time to argue. I hope that what they talked in our discussion can be implemented in our clinical service as chaplains.
Coming back to the house, Brother Zeke asked me, "Why I didn’t come to the breakfast with the brothers?" I replied, "I was full, so I don’t need breakfast." I happened already twice. He suggested and convinced me that even though not eating something, just drink and being together with them because since beginning I have a custom together with them in the breakfast, so they always ask about me. Knowing this experience, I will do better next time and continue to sit together with the brothers in the breakfast moment.
After attending the Mass and having supper with the brothers, I went to the trailer 2 to envoy the message of Digna to my colleague who is on call service today till tomorrow morning. Coming back to the house of the brothers, I saw Brother Jim, 84 year-old, who is very friendly to me, asked me question, "How did you know about your congregation that you are in now?" Then we shared many things and he lent me a book about cultural and religions sensitivity that was made last year by a Jew at Saint Alexius Medical Center. He was surprised to know many religions in the world. Before he only knew Catholic and some other denominations of Christians.
Friday, June 24, 2005.
This morning as usual I had prayer with the brothers at 6.15 o’clock then as Brother Zeke nicely proposed to me yesterday that it’s good to have breakfast together with the brothers in the community so I did this advice wholeheartedly. This early morning Brother Zeke goes to New Jersey visiting his family till next Thursday. In the CPE morning devotion, once again I led the prayer with the prayer of Mother Theresa of Calcutta. About one hour I spent my clinical day with visiting patient at 6 West. I gave communion to some patients then I returned to trailer 2 to have personal conference with my supervisors about one hour. Both of my supervisors, Digna and Jim, got to know me through my personal stories that I shared to them while they were asking some clarifications and suggestions. A quarter after eleven, I went up to the third floor to meet my colleague, Deacon Dave, to visit some patients who are in the neurology unit. We visited about 4 patients. One thing I learned today is about one religion that is called Willow Creek. According to Dave, it’s a sort of a modern church who accommodates suburban people who do not have a certain church. They have a beautiful building, music, technology in the worship. They can accommodate five thousand people in their church. A lot of young Catholic move to this movement as Deacon Dave said to me. One patient whom we visited is fellow of this church, so I asked Dave about it. After having lunch together with other chaplains at the cafeteria, I went to 6 West again and visited some patients. One old Indian lady whom I visited a couple of times during these two weeks, finally she discharged today. I gave her communion and said my farewell greeting to her. She is a nice lady who likes to receive my visit and she wishes me the best in my vocation and duty at this hospital.
After the morning devotion, I get a turn to be an on-call chaplain from 8 o’clock today till tomorrow morning 8 o’clock as well. I got keys of the chaplain room at the fifth floor, on-call pager and a badge for having meal at the cafeteria. It will be my first time experience being on-call by myself. Two weeks ago, I had the same experience but I was accompanied by a resident or senior chaplain. I am ready to be paged in 24 hours.
In the morning at 10.20 I got a page from hospice unit at the fifth floor. Since there was my colleague who was in charge of this unit, so I told her this call and she followed it up. The patients at this unit need a priest for anointing of the sick sacrament and sacrament of reconciliation. Hospice unit is a place for patients who endure terminal illnesses and most of them are elderly people.
At 4.40 p.m. when I returned to the brother’s house, I got a page of CCU unit at first floor. Immediately I came to this unit and rather shock I saw a dead young man with his family. His face was already yellow and I prayed surround him together with his sister and father. It’s my first experience to pray for the dead at this hospital and fortunately in the afternoon I have taken a prayer book with me from the on-call chaplain room, so I used this book, the prayer for the dead. As I uttered the prayer, my feeling was upset and my heart gradually saddened as if I was impacted by the mourning of this family who were left behind. While I said the prayer, I got another page from my colleague, Annie who would like to meet me before she leaves. She met me at the chapel in the middle of the Mass. She encouraged me on this on-call duty and she gave me her phone both home and cell, just in case I need help, I could call her up. I am grateful for her kindness and I feel being supported in this partnership. While in the Mass, I was still struck by this dead experience of the young man. My heart was still numb and my image once in a while remembering his face.
I had dinner with the brothers and had good chatting with them. They were teasing me to join their congregation but they know me very well that I have confident to follow my way in the Xaverian missionaries. They are very nice to me and always encourage me to continue my journey to the missionary priesthood as I have chosen since 1996. Often times they ask my experience how I get to know the Xaverians. They are curious about my country, Indonesia. Some of them who were joining military service, such as the U.S. Navy, like to tell their story when they served in the World War 2 in the Philippines and other islands close to Indonesia. They said that they welcome me at any time to their house. I feel more and more comfortably being together with them as I am journeying this CPE summer unit that is already in the third week.
As the orientation book of the CPE recommends, in the evening of on-call duty, I was walking around emergency unit, ICU, ICCU, Hospice and day surgery. As I walked one old man stopped me and asked me where I am coming from. Then he said many things about his experience in the military service in Himalaya, India, Korea and other Asian Pacific countries including Indonesia. He was so glad to meet me as an Indonesian. He met for the first time an Indonesian in this country, as he said to me. He said that with a ship he passed by Padang which is located in Sumatera Island when the Japanese colonized Indonesia in 1942-1945. He was excited to tell stories and meet with people just like his father who was coming from Yugoslavia. He said that he’s a Catholic and just visited his wife at this hospital and he asked me to stop by at his wife’s room then I did as he suggested.
When I was at my on-call room at the fifth floor which has access to computer plus Internet, shower and restroom, bed, phone and full AC, I got a page from hospice unit at the fifth floor at 8.50 p.m. Actually, I have seen many people surrounded this patient as I checked around this evening. For the second time today, I prayed for the dead together with other family members.
At 9.20 p.m. again I got a page from emergency room at the first floor. I met a young lady who just bore a baby but the doctor said to me that the baby would pass away soon in next few days. Before I met this lady, the doctor said to me that this lady is already calm down and still mourning. When I asked this lady what spiritual needs she wants, she replied that she is OK and doesn’t need anything else. So, I left her alone with her husband who spoke Polish.
Saturday, June 25, 2005.
After having slept about two hours, at 00.50 early in the morning the pager was beeping and it’s CODE BLUE. It means that I have to directly come to the location of the patient, that was PIR 262. I reached there immediately and saw some doctors and nurses took care of one old Peruvian patient about 77 year-old who was dying, crying, and screaming. Honestly, I didn’t know what to do in this situation as a chaplain on-call. I was stick around at this area and one nurse told me to approach the patient’s relative that was his granddaughter. I met her and talked to her in English. I had some informative answer to know about the patient. Actually he was at the fifth floor since last Monday but this early morning he got severe pain then he was brought to this kind of emergency room. The medics brought him to CCU and I continued to accompany them. While the nurses set up the new room at CCU for this patient, the granddaughter of the patient and I were waiting for at a waiting room. There were only two of us at this room at 01.30 a.m. Trying the best I could to do my role as the on-call chaplain at this moment, I was being with her and once in a while asking questions and we had small conversation until she asked me about my identity. In the middle of conversation, the nurse called us to enter the room of the patient. One of the nurses asked her to know about someone who is responsible for power attorney, to decide something that important to the patient’s life. They name it as power attorney if I am not mistaken. She called up his uncle and the doctor spoke in Spanish trying to explain this situation. The patient who speaks only Spanish was calm down and slept restfully. I asked the granddaughter what spiritual needs they wish and she said, no until now. Then, I left her alone with her grandpa and told her to take care of herself since she has to work this morning. I left them after filling out the chart of the patient at 2.15 a.m. Coming back to my room, the on-call chaplain room at the fifth floor, I tried to sleep again but I couldn’t. I have lain down on the bed and shut my eyes but my mind was still revolving around the situation I have experienced today. My awareness of time was strong in the rest of this morning, then at 5.20 a.m. I discharge of this chaplain room and went to the trailer 2, the spiritual care department. I did morning report, which I have to write down on the green book about what I have received from the page I carry on including the action and reaction I have done. Father Stan who came later at this morning told me how to do other things such as taking message from telephone mail voice and checked my morning report. After finishing all of these, I went to the cafeteria to have heavy breakfast: hot chocolate, donut, bacon, and sausage. Waiting for the next on-call chaplain of today, I was writing my personal conference report I had yesterday, then at 8.10 a.m. Beth came and reported what I have written on the green book and gave her what I have received as an on-call chaplain, namely: the key of the on-call chaplain, the band roll card for having meal at the cafeteria and the pager. At 8.10 I went home at the Brothers’ house and took care of myself with sleeping peacefully until one o’clock in the afternoon. Having fresh mind, body and spirit after resting for five hours, I took shower and writing this journal while the weather outside warm, sunshine. I did also weekly laundry as usual. In the evening I prayed with the brothers the Vesper then took out food from the cafeteria of the hospital and we ate together at the house of the brothers. In the evening I was at my room, watching DVD of the advertisement of the Alexian Brothers and two movies entitled Wild Things and Confession till almost midnight.
Sunday, June 26, 2005.
I could sleep long enough today and woke up at 7.15 a.m. At 9 a.m. I attended Sunday Mass at the hospital chapel and had breakfast at the cafeteria with the brothers. I took a walk outside of the hospital and I saw across the street there is Saint Julian Catholic Church, Elk Grove Village. I went through the street and I found Jewel Osco and other stores. I bought small book for the CPE and other little things. Returning home at 1 p.m. I had small lunch and watched DVD of Final Destination. After the evening prayer/Vesper with the brothers at 5 p.m., I followed Brothers Dan and Ted to the cafeteria to take out some food and this time I took meat load and mash potatoes and I ate it with the brothers at the house.
It’s full the third week experience of my immersion at the CPE program at the Alexian Brothers Medical Center and looking forward tomorrow my fourth week with the same hope and renewed spirit.
Denny Wahyudi (27 June 2005)
Weekly Reflection (WEEK III, from 20 June to 24 June 2005)
Having experienced the third week of the CPE summer unit, leads me to involve more to the clinical works as a chaplain at the Alexian Brothers Medical Center. My primary unit is 6 West, whose types of patients served are ages, patient groups, market, and diagnostic categories. It provides care to adult through geriatric medical-surgical patients. The specific patient groups include but are not limited to patient’s with: infectious isolation care needs, Tuberculosis, renal failure and any condition that requires general medical/surgical intervention. At this unit I know closely some patients that I visit everyday especially those who require daily communion. Every morning in daily basis as I receive 2 to 3 pages of patient list then I have to make assessment which patients I should visit especially initial visit then communion list and finally follow up visit to some patients. In the orientation, Sandy, one of the chaplains here witnessed to us what to do before visiting patients, namely, visiting the chapel, spend a qualitative time to ask God’s wisdom to do this clinical service to patients. It’s such an example I never forget and I have done so far. One important room before meeting patients is the chapel then I take hosts with me that always remind me to behave appropriately in body-mind-spirit to do this visit because I carry the body of Christ. In the beginning of my visit experience at this hospital, I felt hesitant and doubt to enter the room of patients. I am fear of doing wrong and not knowing what to speak fluently to patients. Gradually, I have confidence in my heart and attitude to be calm down and to be humble at the visit, because I am just a tool who brings message of Christ to patient. "If Christ is with me, whom shall I dare." A couple of times I am denied by patients and I try to understand their choice and privacy. But, many times I am being accepted by patients. They are very nicely accepting my presence and gratefully receiving communion. Some patients know me, even my name. Once I met a patient whom I promised to give her communion then at the same day, the husband of the patient whom I also met at my initial visit then greeted me by calling my name at the cafeteria. I am feeling appreciated and welcomed by them. I remembered what my pre-novitiate master, Nico Macina, SX ever said, "The most need of human being is being accepted by others." My philosophy professor in Indonesia, Magnis Susesno, SJ says, "To love and to be loved as human being is giving ultimate meaning in the life of human beings." Then, I reflect upon this experience particularly in my CPE program dealing with the patients. My motivation to be here is not merely to be accepted by others but I have to transform myself to transcendental level. Even Jesus Christ was rejected and killed cruelly by many who were envious to him. If I have experience to be loved and accepted by others then I know what is the meaning of this comfortable feeling and experience. If it is conditional, it will not last long. But, if it is unconditional then I put it into practice like so, I develop myself toward this unconditional one. I have one experience that made me so depressed as a person when I was working at an office in Jakarta in my 20’s. One friend of mine confronted me nastily with his bad words and talked widely to others about my fault to him. I couldn’t be angry to him. I was sorry to myself and without having braveness to approach him and ask him pardon, I put all of this difficult situation in my heart and in the process I always remembered him in my prayer especially when I attended Mass. Incredibly, one day he approached me nicely, asking what Catholic church activity he could join with me. Then, I offered him a weekend retreat that is called CHOICE. In the chaos of my life, God is always present and leading me to a beautiful meaning that I never thought before. All of these experience I carry as my treasure in my spiritual life, I try to use it in my CPE program especially dealing with many different characters. When I am rejected, I will try my best to see God’s message over there and pray fervently, remember them in my mind and heart and let the Spirit of God change what it can be changed. Not me who can change and not my intention to change others, but just to be faithful to God in surrendering everything I have experienced, then God will take care of the rest.
Here, I want to express my gratitude and prayer to an old Indian patient whom I visited and already discharged on last Friday. She has accepted me as her "angel" and her "neighbor." At the same time I believe that she remembers me in her prayers. I have a qualitative moment with her in this CPE.
Denny Wahyudi (27 June 2005)
STORY THEOLOGY
At the age of teenager (16) I was willingly able to learn how to drive a car. As I saw my father driving a car, I noticed carefully what steps should one take to drive. One day when my father was not at home, bravely I pushed his car out toward the street and drove it happily. Thanks God, I didn’t crashed anything instead I could drive it to surround of little streets. A couple of times I did similar with other cars that my father had that time. My father did not want recommend me to drive his car with his own reason that his car was not healthy. I did not surrender to his opinion. I tried my best to practice it. Unluckily, it did not continue in better ways until I graduated of high school and left for Jakarta for working. I ever asked to my father before I left my hometown to take car driver’s license but he said, "NO." After working for almost three years, and almost the time to enter the Xaverians, I spent my time to take a course of driving car in Jakarta. I did a couple of times (probably 6 times of one hour practice) and I still remember this course is ULISA. I drove three different cars and accompanied by an instructor I went to some various streets such as crowded one in Pasar Senen. It’s a moment of incredible and joyous one for me that time that eventually I could drive a car even though this driving school fee did not include driver’s license. So, I had experience to drive a car in Jakarta only with driving school without having any other experience to drive other car nor my own car since I didn’t have car.
Entering Xaverians in 1996 until graduated my philosophy/college study in 2002, it seemed that I didn’t have possibility to drive a car. Actually, there’s one possibility in the third year of philosophy study but once again I didn’t have chance. Every class of the Xaverian students have chance to drive car and normally only the formators/the Xaverian priests who choose them. I was not the chosen one, even though in my rational thinking that I was able to do it. I let both of my classmates take their willingness to be driver in our community. I felt jealous at that time but I just kept them in my heart. In my rational mind, I had been living in Jakarta since 1993, much longer than both of my friends, my father and mother are drivers, I had a driving car course before entering the Xaverians, and I know many streets in Jakarta….but why I was not chosen to be a driver. It’s my grievance at that time. After both of my classmates became driver, one day my rector asked me I don’t know if he’s serious or just joking, whether I also want to take driver’s license…spontaneously I said, "NO" because there were already two drivers. Patiently, I tried to perceive all of these in my heart and reflection.
Coming to the USA in November 2002, I saw my older confrere of Indonesia has been driving a car since his first year. I was confidently this time that I would not loose again my chance to drive a car. Seeing both of my classmates from Mexico had been practicing drive a car, I was patiently waiting for my turn. But, unfortunately my turn did not come until I graduated my English study in August 2003. I saw both of my Mexican confreres have been driving a car and they were always to be my driver going back and forth to school everyday. I just kept all my ‘negative’ feeling in my heart and saw it as my destiny in the beginning of my experience in my family. I was so jealous and disappointed to see this experience moreover to see my friend from Indonesia who is studying theology in San Antonio with CICM congregation who told me about his driving course after he lived one month in the USA. One of the Xaverian priests in Milwaukee and the only one who asked me personally, why I don’t take driver license, made me more thinking miserably to myself. I tried to see in clear perspective and just let it go.
Coming to Chicago, I have bad experience twice with "car tragedy." One is when I was invited by my older confrere to go to downtown by a car. He drove and got accident in the middle of traffic light in downtown. It happened in December 2002 and impacted me since now that I would not drive a car in Chicago. The second one is when the first time I came to Chicago and my older confrere invited me to visit one Indonesian priest, then on the way to the parking lot, we saw the van we had was towed. This two events plus my reason that Chicago has enough and affordable public transportations to reach other places, I decided not to take driver’s license. If I reflect on these chronological stories, I come to understand that I have such an attitude to keep bad experience in my heart and bear it with rationalization so that others can accept it.
In my experience riding motorcycle in Jakarta especially in the scholastic level, I saw myself trying to avoid riding motorcycle after seeing many of my confreres have willingness to ride it. I choose my transportation to go to many places in Jakarta with bicycle until one day I have an unforgettable and miserable experience loosing my beloved bicycle in Taman Anggrek Mall. I declared myself to be a bicycle man. Actually, I have been riding bicycle since I was working in Jakarta, before entering the Xaverians. Many people know that I like to go many far distances in Jakarta by my portable/folded bicycle.
Every time I reflect upon these experiences and see also that my younger brothers in Indonesia, even my oldest sister have been driving a car and my father bought for my brothers cars, I feel I just don’t have a good deal or chance to be like them. But, I am still grateful for many things I am privileged to have until now that many others don’t have such as traveling to other cities in the USA by airplane, going to vacation in Florida this summer 2005, having experience traveling to Los Angeles while I was doing pastoral work in Philadelphia in 2004 and finally living together with the Alexian Brothers in the CPE summer unit and still many other things I am aware that not others have, I just be calm down and step back to know myself better. Thanks God for all of these. I am thinking that my turn to drive a car is not coming yet and maybe someday I would be having this chance, maybe in my mission when I become a priest, in Japan, perhaps.
Is this part of my attitude being a "conformist" as the psychologist lady told me when I was in the Xaverian formation in Jakarta?
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
3rd letter of June 2005
3) 12th Sunday in Ordinary Time, June 19, 2005
Monday, June 13, 2005.
Following the routine schedule like last week, I had lauds with the brothers at the chapel at 6.15 a.m. continued with breakfast in which the rector of the house, Brother Dan always cut cantaloupe into slices and shared to us while I ate some sweet bread and cookies. The CPE today started at 8 a.m. with morning devotion and morning report. I just walked 2 minutes to the trailer 2 from this house, right behind the trailer. Today Digna shared her personal story regards to the retreat today then followed by Dirk and Annie. I guess it’s a quite good stuff and reflection to know each other. It reminds me to a model of CHOICE retreat that I ever had in Indonesia. If one shares her/his own story, sometimes it costs emotional feeling and reaction of the presenter. Since it’s a sacred story so we have to keep them in safe confidentiality. We shared our opinion about the COVENANT that we agree upon in keeping compatibility of our CPE group such as respect, being on time, confidentiality, and other good common things to nurture and support each other on this journey. After having lunch at the cafeteria, together with Sandy and Dirk, I visited 6 East and West unit. I visited by myself one patient at 6 West, as my primary unity for clinical visit. After going home, Brother Zeke helped me how to entry the data to the Alexis computer system since I told him about my fault to entry the data of the patient I visited today. Very kindly he showed me how to do it on the computer at this brothers’ community. I could take a nap for a while then went to the Vesper and Mass at the hospital chapel at 5.30 p.m. After supper at 6 p.m. I did my homework preparing my shield of my presentation for tomorrow on the retreat at the CPE.
Today in our visit of a patient together with both of my colleagues, I was struck by a patient who was saying that he’s hungry since yesterday he did not eat anything. When one of us asking what spiritual well being he needs, he replied, "Just bring me a chicken, I will be grateful." At that time, his family (his wife, a son and a daughter were there). They are a Mexican family. I came to know that the patients of this hospital should order their own meal through phone to the cafeteria of the hospital. This is a new thing that I never knew, so it’s a good insight to know. I guess it could be a good matter to write a verbatim in a simple manner, since I have to do 5 verbatim in the next coming weeks. The verbatim is a sort of a report and reflection based upon the visit of a chaplain especially in the conversation and what message we highlight in order to be discussed in our group. In short, we as chaplains offer spiritual needs but if a patient asks a material need such as food, how we handle such a thing. What is the proper treatment to this issue besides showing a menu of food available at the cafeteria?
Tuesday, June 14, 2005.
I started this day with the same routine schedule, prayer and breakfast together with the Alexian Brothers at this community. At 8 a.m. we started morning devotion at the trailer 2 the followed by session that supposed to be a retreat with telling our story. But one of our classmate did not come, so we postpone this session till Friday. I have the last turn to share my own personal story with a shield I have prepared yesterday evening. Digna trained me personally about practical things regard to orientation of CPE student. At 11 a.m. all of us as chaplains gathered at another building to have staff meeting. We talked and discussed about the competency of our service and ministry at the spiritual care department in one issue, namely, cultural issues that we may do better to the patients. At this hospital there are various cultural background of the patients such as Latinos, Polish, Eastern Europeans, Italians, Asians, etc. At noon we dismissed and had lunch at the cafeteria. I had visited five patients at 6 West Unit by myself. I was impressed by a patient who accepted my visit and chatted about religious things. When I entered her room, she was eating her lunch and watching TV, EWTN, a Mass celebration. On the record I brought with me, I read that she’s a Catholic fellow. I offered prayer and we prayed together and I gave my little prayer book that I prayed with her. I asked her if she knows how to pray rosary but she replied, ‘no.’ Then, I promised to bring a rosary and teach her how to pray tomorrow. She if from India and has been living in the USA for 40 years. She was glad when I told her that I come from Indonesia. She called me her Asian brother. After the five visits, I should put into words and records at the file and computer system at the hospital. I get a custom how to do charting work. I hope this visit could be an insight to do my verbatim in the next two weeks.
I returned to the brothers’ house at 4.40 p.m. and took a nap for a while then at 5.30 attended Vesper and the Mass at the hospital chapel. After having supper together with the brothers, I had conversation with Brother Victor about Chinese expedition that occurred before Columbus and he showed me this data through Internet. At 8 p.m. I was typing this journal on my laptop at my room.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005.
Today at the CPE, we had didactic program with a sort of attending speech of two speakers at Saint Alexius Medical Center, about 30 minutes away from this ABMC. Digna gave us ride to get there. They were about addiction and eating disorder. At noon we returned to ABMC and had lunch at the cafeteria. In the afternoon, we did clinical visit to patients and I did at 6 West Unit in which I had about 6 patients to visit. I did give communion to a Philippines patient with his family members who stayed at this hospital only one day. In the evening as usual I attended Mass and had supper with the brothers. I called up my second sister in Jakarta who will give birth her third child next month and my father in Madiun, Indonesia.
Thursday, June 16, 2005.
The CPE program started with morning devotion and clinical visit. I started at the hospital chapel to pray and bring communion before visiting the patients. Today I visited 9 patients and one Indian lady patient, age of 79 year-old I spent about 40 minutes in nice conversation. I prayed together with her and gave her communion while she calls me as her ‘neighbor’ since I come from Indonesia, close to India and also her ‘angel.’ After having lunch at noon, we had retreat session, continuation of last Monday. This time, my friend, Eric and I had turn to envoy our personal story to our colleagues and the supervisors, both Digna and Jim. The rest of the day we had debriefing, talking about our today’s experience of clinical visit and Digna showed us to fill out chart at hospice unit on the 5th floor. I attended the Mass at 5.30 p.m. at the chapel then had supper with the brothers. I read some magazines and Chicago Tribune about St. Joseph Seminary of Chicago and once in a while I fell asleep. I continued to write my journal on the laptop in order to keep up my daily experience. In order to have a relax time I did watch a DVD on the title of the Forgotten.
Friday, June 17, 2005.
Today I have clinical visit from morning to afternoon. I visited 6 patients in which one of them is a Mexican young girl who speaks Spanish only. I tried to speak little Spanish and invited her to pray in Spanish, ‘Dios te salve Maria’ since I also know how to recite it. I offered her a communion but she asked firstly sacrament of reconciliation and I promised her to tell a priest to visit her. I visited again an Indian old lady who likes to talk and tells story to me then I gave her a communion. At 5.30 p.m. I attended the Mass at the chapel of the hospital then had supper together with the brothers. At 6.40 p.m. Steve, an Indonesian friend of mine picked me up to go to his home at Buffalo Grove. His parents-in-law, Ferry and Lely, who are my good friends from Jakarta who came to the USA last week. They are going to have family reunion with others. They are a couple of weekend retreat called ‘CHOICE’ when I was participating this retreat 11 years ago in Jakarta. They know some Xaverian priests in Indonesia who help and participate on this kind of youth retreat.
Saturday, June 18, 2005.
I stayed over night at this family at Buffalo Grove. In the morning we went to a field to watch Alan, the 5 year-old youngest child of Steve-Monci who played baseball. It’s quite interesting to see children play this game. Before noon we returned to their home and had lunch together. I played video game, they called game cue with Thalia and Alan. At night Steve and Om Ferry took me to the Alexian Brothers house at Elk Grove Village, about 30 minutes away.
Sunday, June 19, 2005.
I could sleep longer than usual and I enjoyed this resting weekend. After personal prayer at my room, I attended Sunday Mass together with the Father’s Day at the hospital chapel. We continued with breakfast with the brothers who wore their black habit, at the cafeteria. I did laundry and took a nap till afternoon. At 5 p.m. we prayed the evening prayer then we went to the cafeteria of the hospital to take some food and brought them to the house to eat together with the brothers. In the evening I have time to do my homework of the CPE for tomorrow.
Denny Wahyudi (20 June 2005)
Weekly Reflection (WEEK II, from 13 June to 17 June 2005)
The second week of the CPE has passed and once again I am grateful to this unique experience I ever have in my life. I am getting to know specific things I should know as a CPE student regards my responsibility to visit patients at an assigned unit and filling out the chart both the folder and the computer. Moreover I am getting to know little bit my peer group at this intensive training as chaplain. As we shared our personal stories into the retreat forum, in which we shared our ups and downs life experience to the group, we become more vulnerable as individual in a small group. With trust and covenant we made to keep the secrecy of this stories, we walk humbly together day-by-day to learn the whole packet of CPE and being ready to learn and challenge and to be challenged by each other in many ways. This practice of sharing personal stories is very helpful to understand each other with referring our background and based on our own stories. I believe that each one of us is having assumption, presumption and bias to others but at least with self- revelation, we know more than ever and we are transformed to a new assumption and presumption. Our knowledge to others is always renewed day-by-day as we are interacting with one another.
As I shared my personal story to the group last Thursday, I feel being more accepted with who I am as a person with my own weakness and positive aspects. Even though I have this positive feeling, but actually I still wrestle with my own experience and feeling to be outsider of the group. In my own experience being a member of a group is a positive point to enhance my personality but on the other hand, I have difficulty to be a friendly one to others. Most likely, because I have a quiet personality, so I feel become an outsider of the others. I still wonder to my self that in a certain time and dealing with certain people, I could talk a lot of things but I couldn’t do the same to others. It seems that I don’t have anything to say, so I don’t say anything to others. I have difficulty to make the conversation flowing as I see my friends can do it very well but me. I question myself as a person, why I can’t do the same. As I reflect my own experience when I was in the age of 20’s, I had the ups and downs experience as a person who worked in an office. Before I worked at this office for 2.5 years, I had worked at the other place in which I could adapt easily. But, at this new place, I had difficult time to adjust to my friends at this office. I tended to be lonely and being isolated from others. I couldn’t make friendship with others. It cost me depressive much till I wanted to quit of this work. But unfortunately, my father through his letter encouraged me to remain faithful to this job. I tried my best to be persevered and some months later I had totally different experience. I became much more confident with myself and to some degree of extreme in my behavior. Suddenly, I liked to talk and made fun of others that my friends considered me as an unusual one and ‘crazy’ or overacting. Realizing to the both personality, I changed suddenly my ‘new attitude’ toward ‘old attitude’ since a hard experience I endured at this office. It is a good experience for me not to be extreme in my behavior dealing to others. This light and dark experiences eventually brought me to think again my idea when I was at the High School to enter seminary and become a priest.
Reflecting on this personal experience, I come to know that I never finish to learn of myself. I am a mystery to be learned by myself and others. One thing I can do and continue to practice is to walk humbly with others and to be active as much as I can in simple conversation and not being others but my unique self, aware of my own weakness and continue to focus to others not to my own self.
Monday, June 13, 2005.
Following the routine schedule like last week, I had lauds with the brothers at the chapel at 6.15 a.m. continued with breakfast in which the rector of the house, Brother Dan always cut cantaloupe into slices and shared to us while I ate some sweet bread and cookies. The CPE today started at 8 a.m. with morning devotion and morning report. I just walked 2 minutes to the trailer 2 from this house, right behind the trailer. Today Digna shared her personal story regards to the retreat today then followed by Dirk and Annie. I guess it’s a quite good stuff and reflection to know each other. It reminds me to a model of CHOICE retreat that I ever had in Indonesia. If one shares her/his own story, sometimes it costs emotional feeling and reaction of the presenter. Since it’s a sacred story so we have to keep them in safe confidentiality. We shared our opinion about the COVENANT that we agree upon in keeping compatibility of our CPE group such as respect, being on time, confidentiality, and other good common things to nurture and support each other on this journey. After having lunch at the cafeteria, together with Sandy and Dirk, I visited 6 East and West unit. I visited by myself one patient at 6 West, as my primary unity for clinical visit. After going home, Brother Zeke helped me how to entry the data to the Alexis computer system since I told him about my fault to entry the data of the patient I visited today. Very kindly he showed me how to do it on the computer at this brothers’ community. I could take a nap for a while then went to the Vesper and Mass at the hospital chapel at 5.30 p.m. After supper at 6 p.m. I did my homework preparing my shield of my presentation for tomorrow on the retreat at the CPE.
Today in our visit of a patient together with both of my colleagues, I was struck by a patient who was saying that he’s hungry since yesterday he did not eat anything. When one of us asking what spiritual well being he needs, he replied, "Just bring me a chicken, I will be grateful." At that time, his family (his wife, a son and a daughter were there). They are a Mexican family. I came to know that the patients of this hospital should order their own meal through phone to the cafeteria of the hospital. This is a new thing that I never knew, so it’s a good insight to know. I guess it could be a good matter to write a verbatim in a simple manner, since I have to do 5 verbatim in the next coming weeks. The verbatim is a sort of a report and reflection based upon the visit of a chaplain especially in the conversation and what message we highlight in order to be discussed in our group. In short, we as chaplains offer spiritual needs but if a patient asks a material need such as food, how we handle such a thing. What is the proper treatment to this issue besides showing a menu of food available at the cafeteria?
Tuesday, June 14, 2005.
I started this day with the same routine schedule, prayer and breakfast together with the Alexian Brothers at this community. At 8 a.m. we started morning devotion at the trailer 2 the followed by session that supposed to be a retreat with telling our story. But one of our classmate did not come, so we postpone this session till Friday. I have the last turn to share my own personal story with a shield I have prepared yesterday evening. Digna trained me personally about practical things regard to orientation of CPE student. At 11 a.m. all of us as chaplains gathered at another building to have staff meeting. We talked and discussed about the competency of our service and ministry at the spiritual care department in one issue, namely, cultural issues that we may do better to the patients. At this hospital there are various cultural background of the patients such as Latinos, Polish, Eastern Europeans, Italians, Asians, etc. At noon we dismissed and had lunch at the cafeteria. I had visited five patients at 6 West Unit by myself. I was impressed by a patient who accepted my visit and chatted about religious things. When I entered her room, she was eating her lunch and watching TV, EWTN, a Mass celebration. On the record I brought with me, I read that she’s a Catholic fellow. I offered prayer and we prayed together and I gave my little prayer book that I prayed with her. I asked her if she knows how to pray rosary but she replied, ‘no.’ Then, I promised to bring a rosary and teach her how to pray tomorrow. She if from India and has been living in the USA for 40 years. She was glad when I told her that I come from Indonesia. She called me her Asian brother. After the five visits, I should put into words and records at the file and computer system at the hospital. I get a custom how to do charting work. I hope this visit could be an insight to do my verbatim in the next two weeks.
I returned to the brothers’ house at 4.40 p.m. and took a nap for a while then at 5.30 attended Vesper and the Mass at the hospital chapel. After having supper together with the brothers, I had conversation with Brother Victor about Chinese expedition that occurred before Columbus and he showed me this data through Internet. At 8 p.m. I was typing this journal on my laptop at my room.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005.
Today at the CPE, we had didactic program with a sort of attending speech of two speakers at Saint Alexius Medical Center, about 30 minutes away from this ABMC. Digna gave us ride to get there. They were about addiction and eating disorder. At noon we returned to ABMC and had lunch at the cafeteria. In the afternoon, we did clinical visit to patients and I did at 6 West Unit in which I had about 6 patients to visit. I did give communion to a Philippines patient with his family members who stayed at this hospital only one day. In the evening as usual I attended Mass and had supper with the brothers. I called up my second sister in Jakarta who will give birth her third child next month and my father in Madiun, Indonesia.
Thursday, June 16, 2005.
The CPE program started with morning devotion and clinical visit. I started at the hospital chapel to pray and bring communion before visiting the patients. Today I visited 9 patients and one Indian lady patient, age of 79 year-old I spent about 40 minutes in nice conversation. I prayed together with her and gave her communion while she calls me as her ‘neighbor’ since I come from Indonesia, close to India and also her ‘angel.’ After having lunch at noon, we had retreat session, continuation of last Monday. This time, my friend, Eric and I had turn to envoy our personal story to our colleagues and the supervisors, both Digna and Jim. The rest of the day we had debriefing, talking about our today’s experience of clinical visit and Digna showed us to fill out chart at hospice unit on the 5th floor. I attended the Mass at 5.30 p.m. at the chapel then had supper with the brothers. I read some magazines and Chicago Tribune about St. Joseph Seminary of Chicago and once in a while I fell asleep. I continued to write my journal on the laptop in order to keep up my daily experience. In order to have a relax time I did watch a DVD on the title of the Forgotten.
Friday, June 17, 2005.
Today I have clinical visit from morning to afternoon. I visited 6 patients in which one of them is a Mexican young girl who speaks Spanish only. I tried to speak little Spanish and invited her to pray in Spanish, ‘Dios te salve Maria’ since I also know how to recite it. I offered her a communion but she asked firstly sacrament of reconciliation and I promised her to tell a priest to visit her. I visited again an Indian old lady who likes to talk and tells story to me then I gave her a communion. At 5.30 p.m. I attended the Mass at the chapel of the hospital then had supper together with the brothers. At 6.40 p.m. Steve, an Indonesian friend of mine picked me up to go to his home at Buffalo Grove. His parents-in-law, Ferry and Lely, who are my good friends from Jakarta who came to the USA last week. They are going to have family reunion with others. They are a couple of weekend retreat called ‘CHOICE’ when I was participating this retreat 11 years ago in Jakarta. They know some Xaverian priests in Indonesia who help and participate on this kind of youth retreat.
Saturday, June 18, 2005.
I stayed over night at this family at Buffalo Grove. In the morning we went to a field to watch Alan, the 5 year-old youngest child of Steve-Monci who played baseball. It’s quite interesting to see children play this game. Before noon we returned to their home and had lunch together. I played video game, they called game cue with Thalia and Alan. At night Steve and Om Ferry took me to the Alexian Brothers house at Elk Grove Village, about 30 minutes away.
Sunday, June 19, 2005.
I could sleep longer than usual and I enjoyed this resting weekend. After personal prayer at my room, I attended Sunday Mass together with the Father’s Day at the hospital chapel. We continued with breakfast with the brothers who wore their black habit, at the cafeteria. I did laundry and took a nap till afternoon. At 5 p.m. we prayed the evening prayer then we went to the cafeteria of the hospital to take some food and brought them to the house to eat together with the brothers. In the evening I have time to do my homework of the CPE for tomorrow.
Denny Wahyudi (20 June 2005)
Weekly Reflection (WEEK II, from 13 June to 17 June 2005)
The second week of the CPE has passed and once again I am grateful to this unique experience I ever have in my life. I am getting to know specific things I should know as a CPE student regards my responsibility to visit patients at an assigned unit and filling out the chart both the folder and the computer. Moreover I am getting to know little bit my peer group at this intensive training as chaplain. As we shared our personal stories into the retreat forum, in which we shared our ups and downs life experience to the group, we become more vulnerable as individual in a small group. With trust and covenant we made to keep the secrecy of this stories, we walk humbly together day-by-day to learn the whole packet of CPE and being ready to learn and challenge and to be challenged by each other in many ways. This practice of sharing personal stories is very helpful to understand each other with referring our background and based on our own stories. I believe that each one of us is having assumption, presumption and bias to others but at least with self- revelation, we know more than ever and we are transformed to a new assumption and presumption. Our knowledge to others is always renewed day-by-day as we are interacting with one another.
As I shared my personal story to the group last Thursday, I feel being more accepted with who I am as a person with my own weakness and positive aspects. Even though I have this positive feeling, but actually I still wrestle with my own experience and feeling to be outsider of the group. In my own experience being a member of a group is a positive point to enhance my personality but on the other hand, I have difficulty to be a friendly one to others. Most likely, because I have a quiet personality, so I feel become an outsider of the others. I still wonder to my self that in a certain time and dealing with certain people, I could talk a lot of things but I couldn’t do the same to others. It seems that I don’t have anything to say, so I don’t say anything to others. I have difficulty to make the conversation flowing as I see my friends can do it very well but me. I question myself as a person, why I can’t do the same. As I reflect my own experience when I was in the age of 20’s, I had the ups and downs experience as a person who worked in an office. Before I worked at this office for 2.5 years, I had worked at the other place in which I could adapt easily. But, at this new place, I had difficult time to adjust to my friends at this office. I tended to be lonely and being isolated from others. I couldn’t make friendship with others. It cost me depressive much till I wanted to quit of this work. But unfortunately, my father through his letter encouraged me to remain faithful to this job. I tried my best to be persevered and some months later I had totally different experience. I became much more confident with myself and to some degree of extreme in my behavior. Suddenly, I liked to talk and made fun of others that my friends considered me as an unusual one and ‘crazy’ or overacting. Realizing to the both personality, I changed suddenly my ‘new attitude’ toward ‘old attitude’ since a hard experience I endured at this office. It is a good experience for me not to be extreme in my behavior dealing to others. This light and dark experiences eventually brought me to think again my idea when I was at the High School to enter seminary and become a priest.
Reflecting on this personal experience, I come to know that I never finish to learn of myself. I am a mystery to be learned by myself and others. One thing I can do and continue to practice is to walk humbly with others and to be active as much as I can in simple conversation and not being others but my unique self, aware of my own weakness and continue to focus to others not to my own self.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
2nd letter of June 2005
11th Sunday in Ordinary Time, June 12, 2005
Sunday, June 05, 2005.
In the afternoon at 3 o’clock, Father Rocco and Father Willy took me to Alexian Brothers’ community on 801 Gloucester Drive, Elk Grove Village. Exactly one hour it took to this place that is right behind the Alexian Brothers Hospital. A Korean born Alexian Brother named John opened the door as I rang the bell of the house and then the rector of the community, Brother Danny McCormick whom I have contacted him since February 2005 in order to stay at this community while I am doing the CPE summer program. I felt welcomed by this community who has 14 members and 70 year-old of the average. They invited us to sit at backyard of the house with a small lake and various roses at the green and beautiful garden. My classmate, the Alexian Brother named Zeke was working at this garden then sitting with us having conversation. It’s truly my dream comes true. What I have been planning since last year with Brother Zeke has realized today. I’m glad and feel honored with this special occasion in my life. After having one- hour conversation and hospitality at the garden, we had evening prayer together at 5 p.m. at the Brother’s chapel including Fathers Rocco and Willy. After the Vesper, Fathers Rocco and Willy left, returned to Hyde Park, about 34 miles away from here. I was introduced and initiated by Brother Zeke to this community, starting with the practical things at this house like keys of the house, the lamps of my rooms, food, TV room, laundry room, and many little things. Then he took me to the hospital, introduced me the rooms till the 6th floor. I could imagine how wonderful it is if it was being done when I came to the USA first time so that I was not left behind to know little things that I should have and being done as a newcomer. I really appreciate this experience and special treatment given by my friend, Brother Zeke. It seems that this community know very well how to treat a newcomer like me. I am really grateful to Brother Zeke and the rector, Brother Danny who do their best to welcome me. For the supper, together with Brothers Danny and Zeke, I went to the cafeteria of the hospital to take some food and brought it to the dining room of this community. They have certain code number to access to the hospital and they let me know it as well. I felt more privilege with this sort of treatment; their secret number to access to the hospital was shared to me as well; what a privilege! The rest of the day, I watched TV with Brother Danny and Zeke. This house has 4 TV rooms where some brothers have their own place to watch. The brothers are from China, Korea, Philippines, Italy, Germany and the USA. I got a private room right in front of the rector’s room complete with phone and private bathroom. I felt being spoiled here, but I believe that all of these not coming suddenly, but through survey and efforts to connect to others. It’s all about relationship and friendship in the beginning and certain plan beforehand to be proceeded with dialogue in due times and with due persons. When we watched TV, Father Danny told me that if I want anything just tell him or Brother Zeke. They try their best to welcome every guest who stays at this community.
Monday, June 06, 2005. In the morning at 4.45 I woke up already since the dawn had appeared through the window of my room. I joined the morning prayer at the chapel of this community at 6.15 then having breakfast together. Soon after finished my breakfast, I went to my CPE program at trailer 2, just took a walk two minutes behind the house. Once again, Brother Zeke took me to this place, made sure that I arrived at the right place. Since nobody came till 7 a.m. at this place, I came back to the house and asked Brother Zeke to find out what’s going on and he took me to the conference room at the hospital. That’s true that there’s miscommunication between spiritual care department and the one who in charge of general orientation to the hospital. We’re not registered yet to this conference, but eventually we could attend it. There were about 60 people who mostly are new employees of this hospital from various departments. The conference started at 8 a.m., not 7 a.m. like the schedule we received from the e-mail of the CPE supervisor. The things they presented at this conference were more likely for the employees, not for us who are at the CPE program, so right after last session before lunch we were gathered at the cafeteria to meet our CPE friends. We are four students: two Lutheran seminarians, both of them male, Dirk (LSTC-Chicago, second year) and Erick who studies in California in specialization of Hebrew scripture, then two Catholics: myself from CTU-Chicago and one lady who studies at Loyola University, Chicago, M.Div and MSN (nursing program). This lady has a husband who studies M.Div program (first year) at CTU-Chicago, named Jonathan. Her name is Annie, originally from Jamaica and has Afro-American accent. Her husband is a lay deacon at Holy Family Church. Their house about 40 miles away from this hospital. To see my friends who have far places getting to this place, I felt once again having privilege that I can stay with Alexian Brothers community. Dirk said that what I am doing now is a smart way to plan far before hand doing this CPE. It’s a part of my CPE workshop as I attended at CTU in October 2004 that I came to know that the CPE program does not provide residency for the students. It drove me to think many times before taking decision. Providentially, my classmate at theological reflection, Brother Zeke, one of the Alexian Brothers, recommended me to apply to this hospital because I saw it has this criteria, opportunity to live at the Alexian Brothers community. I gambled to choose this only place for my CPE with my own confidence that I would be accepted and if not I would go to Indonesia for vacation as I said as a joke and maybe rather serious to Dharmawan. I know how difficult it is and what sacrifice it is to come to this place everyday from Hyde Park like Dirk does
As I noticed, the employees who attended this morning conference are very diverse: some Asians (Philippinos, Indians, Chinese), Caucasians, Latinos, Afro-Americans and some other ethnic backgrounds. At 1 p.m. at the office of spiritual care, we were welcomed by the CPE supervisors and staffs including the chaplains both Catholics (3 priests: one diocesan of Archdiocese of Chicago, one Polish, and one Indian) and other denominations. We’re altogether about 19 people gathered at this opening and reception moment meant for four of us as CPE students. We shared our identities and introduction of the personals of this spiritual care department. Digna, a Philippines lady, a pastor of other denomination is in charge of this CPE program. She gave each one of us a binder or handbook of the CPE program, a blue suite for the CPE students and took us to see the place for on-call 24-hours at 1st floor of the hospital then she guided us to a place to check our urine, to test kind of drug. Dirk took me to the hospital after patiently I have been waiting for quite minutes and moment his urine came out after drinking some cups of water in order to fulfill this drug-check requirement. I got the chapel of the hospital at due time before the evening prayer started and the Mass was celebrated by the Indian priest. There were Alexian Brothers attending this Mass, the daily Masses on weekdays at the chapel of the hospital every 5.30 p.m. It was attended also by few other people. After the Mass and the Vesper, I joined supper together with Alexian Brothers at their special dining room, right beside the cafeteria of the hospital. Again I am being part of this community, being served by the employees who work at the cafeteria of the hospital. I tried to communicate to some brothers who sit at my table. They were really very nice, inviting me to talk and share my experience. Even one of the brothers, named Eugene told me that he would show me another hospital, about 10 miles away, that has been bought by the Alexian Brothers. What I can do is just being part of this community especially in community gathering such as morning prayer at 6.15, evening Mass at 5.30 p.m. including the evening prayer with breviary and meals both morning and evening. I easily could adjust their timetable but in the evening I get tired and exhausted after the whole day have intensive CPE program. I do my best to verbalize my rich experience at this CPE program by typing this journal. I did type it after took rest a while in my room then I feel that I have to write this great experience and share to all of my penpals through weekly e-mails.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005. Today is my second day of CPE unit. At 5.15 a.m. I woke up and took shower then attended morning prayer at Brothers’ chapel at 6.15 a.m. I could see good commitment of the brothers here to come at the chapel earlier and all of them come at least 5-10 minutes before it starts. After having breakfast together with them, I had one hour and I read a book in my room then at 7.45 I just came to the CPE at trailer 2. We started our session with morning prayer with other chaplains at 8 a.m. that lasted 30 minutes including the short report of the on-call chaplains. Digna led us the session about CPE program and all requirement we should do in 11 weeks program. It seems a lot of writing paper but I believe that step-by-step we get there. Another supervisor, Jim Gullickson gave us session about CPE especially the goals and the objectives of CPE as it is written on the handbook we received yesterday. There are three goals, namely: pastoral formation, pastoral competency and pastoral reflection. There is learning contract and goals that I should make for myself and submitted for next week. It is pretty the same like what I have done at CTU for M.Div Ministry Practicum last academic year. What I have learned and done at CTU gives me basic understanding where this CPE program flows. Before noon, we had medical screening and I got shot for TB (Tuberculosis) vaccine then my blood was taken for three other vaccines. I never had experience coming to a doctor in the USA since my stay almost 3 years, now because of the requirement of the hospital where I have the CPE program, I should undertake those formal health screening. At 12.30 p.m. we had lunch at the cafeteria in which each one of us was given a bar code in a card in order to get maximally $ 5 for free lunch. Then we were led by Sandra, a chaplain who studies at LSTC-Chicago to a tour of the medical center: Day surgery, Neuro, Ortho, Telemetry, ER and PIR. We started with the hospital chapel at 1st floor where she usually comes before on call service. I was wondered about her, that she is a Lutheran but she also gives host, communion to Catholic fellows at the hospital with consecrated Catholic host. Probably, it will be discussed tomorrow in the session of Father Bill, a Catholic chaplain who already serves this hospital for quite number of years. A quarter to three, we were invited to attend Alexian Spirit of Excellence Celebration at Conference Center in which one of the resident chaplain named Linda Rump got the award. We supported her at this occasion. She will be on call service with me on this coming Thursday. We went to a place to make a badge ID name with photo where it is written: “Intern Chaplain” and finally we got it and put it on our blue suite. Now, we are officially chaplain of pastoral care/spiritual care department of Alexian Brothers Medical Center (ABMC). Since we’re tired so the rest of the session that is debriefing we escaped. Today our friend, named Dirk is in charge of on call service for 24-hour especially at night and he stays overnight at a chaplain room at the hospital. He is shadowing a senior chaplain, Sandra. At 5.30 p.m. I attended evening prayer (Vesper) and Mass at the chapel of the hospital. Then we had supper together with brothers including the two chaplains who will serve on-call tonight, Dirk and Sandra. In the garden at the backyard of the Brothers’ house, I hang out with three brothers: Danny, Zeke and Victor then they invited me to play ping-pong at a room where Brother Danny likes to watch TV, at the second floor. It’s a nice evening that I could play ping pong with them even though I never played it since quite long time ago. It is my intention to be with the brothers in this house because I am a guest so I have to behave appropriately. Though I don’t have a custom to play ping-pong but I enjoyed being together with them in this game. We’re the same not good players of ping-pong. Until 9 p.m. we played ping-pong then I took shower and typed this journal.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005. As usual I woke up in the morning at 5.15 then took shower and 30 minutes before morning prayer I did quiet personal prayer at the chapel then 6.15 a.m. Brother John Kim, from Korea, led the lauds. I had breakfast together with the brothers at this community. A quarter to eight I walked to trailer 2 at the spiritual care department where the CPE program is. Today Digna, our supervisor originally from the Philipines was absent because she attended her Methodist Church meeting as a pastor. We started at 8 a.m. with morning devotion/prayer, about mystery that one read a book about it then morning report: Jim Gullickson read a report of green book where it is written a report of last night on-call service. There were three persons passed away during last 12 hours. Even in the meeting Sandra, a chaplain together with Dirk, one of my colleagues should left the morning devotion because one of the patients just passed away after they received a message from the pager. At 9 a.m. a Catholic deacon named Dave gave us a session about On-call overview and use of computer, how to entry data of patients. This morning I was very sleepy and tired, my neck was stiffened but I tried to awake in the class. Before noon, Father Bill gave us a session about sacramental theology, practical things about anointing of the sick and communion to patients. At noon we are four students of CPE had lunch together at cafeteria. Linda, one of the chaplains guided us on a tour of the medical center: ICU/CCU/CVICU/WIC/Oncology and Cancer Institute and we ended up at Hospice Unit at 5th floor where Ken, another chaplain shared his experience. At this time, my sleepiness was terribly bothering me. Fortunately, at 3 p.m. the program was over then I could go home to the Brothers house and took a nap almost two hours. Then at 5 p.m. I went to the chapel of the hospital: 5.30 p.m. we had Vesper and Mass presided by Father Andrew, originally from Krakow, Poland. He’s one of three chaplain priests here. At 6 p.m. I had supper together with the brothers at their special dining room at the hospital. I hang out with Brother Philip, originally from Trenton-New Jersey. In his 77 year-old, he sill works as volunteer at the front desk of the hospital. I took a walk with Brothers Zeke and Victor to know the forest around here. I watched TV and hang out with Brother Victor then two other senior brothers: Philip and Eugene came joining us. I had little conversation with them as well. Before that I had chatting with Brother Jim, 84 year-old, from Louisiana and he told me that I’m a special person who can stay at this community. Normally, the brothers don’t advertise to others to stay at this community with any security reason. So, once again I was privileged to be here and always my gratitude to the Alexian Brothers through Brother Zeke, my classmate who helps me in order to stay with them while I’m in the CPE program. Even though officially I’m not one of the Alexian Brothers, but I feel at home, they accept and welcome me as their brother and they always try to approach and talk to me. It’s a wonderful hospitality I ever have experiencing living together with other religious community in the USA. Hopefully, I can behave properly as they put trust on me to be here for 11 weeks. During the sessions of the CPE today, most of the time, I kept quiet while three of my colleagues had talked a lot of things. I was not in good condition today, very tired and sleepy. In dealing with a new environment especially with whom I am living now, I let myself getting to know the brothers here and to be known by them as I stay at this community. My strategy is just stay with them in the community prayers, diner, and recreation time such as watching television, sport/ping pong, walking, or other occasions next coming days. Being present among them is all about my ministry beside my CPE program. I can see in their old ages, they are happy to see young people living a religious life style, which is very rarely in the USA nowadays. Today, Erick my classmate at CPE program who is Lutheran seminarian and Andrea, one of part time chaplain are on-call service overnight but they didn’t come to our diner with the brothers nor to the Mass and evening prayer at the chapel this evening. Hopefully, tomorrow evening I can go to the Mass in the evening before I am on-call service over night with Linda.
Thursday, June 09, 2005. We had morning prayer at the brother’s chapel at 6.15 then breakfast. The CPE started as usual with morning devotion and this time, Digna led us the prayer. Digna gave us a session about initial visit and Rosemary about charting some various form of chaplaincy. Before having lunch we checked up our TB vaccine and we are done with the health business, as the hospital requires to every single employee. Once again Linda led us a tour to some units at this hospital. In the afternoon Theresa shared us about administration of the chaplain office at trailer 2. At 4 p.m. I could take a rest for a while then took shower and attended evening prayer plus Mass at the hospital chapel at 5.30 p.m. followed by supper with Alexian Brothers in which Linda who is in charge of on-call chaplain tonight joined us. It’s her first time having dinner with the brothers even though she has been doing resident CPE for one year at this hospital. The brothers are always welcome to the chaplains who want to join them at the supper when they are in charge of the overnight on-call. After supper, I was shadowing Linda to visit patients at some units. We visited an 84-year-old man patient who was stated died but suddenly his breath started again. He was in comma after without oxygen for 15-minute. We met a chaplain named Andrea who just got little accident at the trailer 2. A big poster frame hit her forehead while she was typing at a computer room. She was OK afterward. With Linda, then I visited a patient who needs a prayer book, but he was sleeping, so we just left the little book at his bed. We made an initial visit to a lady who endures an obesity problem then we prayed together. She was a United Methodist fellow, just like Linda. She showed me how to fill out the chart after visiting a patient. She gave me a best guide to do this chaplaincy as my first experience dealing with patient. It’s always helpful if somebody accompanies me how to do things, which I am not familiar with. She did a great example to me as a model to follow. At 9 p.m. we dismissed, she stays at a chaplain room at 5th floor and I stayed at 1st floor. I had time to read some magazines and watched TV.
Friday, June 10, 2005. During the night, I didn’t receive any call even though actually Linda got a phone call at 4.30 a.m. that somebody passed away but there’s no family coming yet, so there’s no need to come early in the morning. She told me at the trailer how to fill out a form of deceased patient. After taking shower and personal prayer at the chaplain room, I met Linda at 6.15 a.m. and checked some units but nothing to be done. It’s amazing to see emergency room (ER) this morning that the situation was just the opposite of last night. This early morning time, it’s a quiet time, not many patients. We continued with our breakfast at the cafeteria with burritos together also with Brother John Kim, a Korean Alexian Brother who works at the radiology at this hospital. At 7 a.m. Linda told me how to write down the report at the green book and a form for deceased patient. At 8 a.m. Linda led our devotion morning prayer and shared the report we have during our on-call service last night. The session of this day given by Digna continuing yesterday’s issue, the initial visit and role-play between patient and chaplain. With Jim and Digna, we discussed our unit assignment and schedule for coming weeks. Each one of us gets a pager and 10 times on-call overnight schedule. I was asked favor by Digna to write and type database of ours. After lunch we were free and left for home. This night Annie and chaplain Andrea are in charge of on-call. I took a nap at my room at the Alexian Brother’s community then at 5.30 attended the evening prayer and the Mass at the chapel of the hospital. Today is also a celebration of Brother Bonaventure Thelen, a founder of Alexian Brother who came to the United States in 1860’s from Germany. To celebrate it, some volunteers shared cakes to people, who were coming to the cafeteria of this hospital and shared a pin of this brother. Annie and Andrea, who are on-call this night, joined us also in the supper with the brothers. Andrea, the part time chaplain came to join the brothers in the supper for the first time after quite a while doing chaplaincy at this hospital. In the evening, Brother Victor, a Chinese Alexian brother, 58 year-old, invited me to take a walk to the forest around here and there’s a quite long and gorgeous lake where some people were fishing. As we returned to the house, I saw Brother Zeke was watering the garden and I had nice chatting with him. At 9 p.m. I had chance to type this journal after delaying one day that was yesterday when I had on-call service.
Saturday, June 11, 2005. This morning I woke up later than usual since the Mass and morning prayer starts at 8 a.m. There was the superior general of the Alexian Brothers visiting this community. His office is at Tennessee. Together with him and two other brothers, Dan and Zeke, I joined their shopping at Jewel Osco not far from here. In the car they had fraternal conversation and teased each other while I remained silently trying to be familiar with them. While Brothers Dan and Zeke were busy picking up some foods, I had nice conversation with Brother Edward, the superior general whose simplistic life-style as I notice that he only uses Lumina’s car. After returning home, I was invited again by Brothers Dan and Zeke to buy some food for wild birds and fertilizer for their garden. We went to the North and passed by Mundelein Seminary. We bought some Chinese food, at Chinese Buffet at Barrington then we had lunch together at the community house with other brothers including the superior general. After lunch, I did laundry for my own clothes as my custom every weekend. I did take a nap for a while then at 4.30 p.m. Imelda Palmas and family plus Ibu Andrea and Nita picked me up to go to the wedding of an Indonesian couple, Richard-Arni at Wyndham Hotel, about 15 minutes from this house, at Elk Grove Village. I guess there were about some 150 people coming to this wedding celebration. I think it’s my first time to attend a wedding celebration in the USA with its own style, which is much different in Indonesia. In Indonesia people are coming and going but here the attendants should reserve beforehand as they receive the invitation whether they will come and how many people, their names, etc. We gathered first at the ground floor to have drink and chatted each other then after the groom and the bride came, there’s a traditional dance of Indonesia, West Sumatera, by Pak Ngurah and a woman. They called it ‘tari payung’ (the umbrella dance). We continued the celebration started at 7 p.m. at the other room in which there were some tables with names of some cities in the world. I sit at round table named Istanbul with Dharmawan, Marvin, Nita, Ibu Andrea, Nick, Yuki, Lia and Mimih. One thing that is unique that I never knew it before is that every time somebody rings a glass with knife or spoon loudly, the groom and the bride should kiss each other and they did many times as the guests request continuously to tease them. The wedding celebrants were coming to every table to give greetings and take picture together. The end of the celebration is dance party where every body is invited to dance together with the celebrants. The music played by a DJ was very nice with various sorts of music. Actually, it lasted till midnight but most people left earlier. I just enjoyed seeing people having fun with dancing and rejoicing. At 11.15 p.m. We left the wedding and once again Imelda and family plus Ibu Andrea and Nita took me back to the Alexian Brothers community at Elk Grove Village.
Sunday, June 12, 2005. I woke up at 7.30 a.m. then took a shower and prayed personally at the community chapel here. At 9 a.m. I attended the Sunday Mass at the hospital chapel, which was attended by some 60 fellows. It is a special celebration of the Alexian Brothers to recognize the Alexian Brothers founder in the USA who first time came to the USA in 1866 from Germany, Brother Bonaventure Thelen. There were about 60 attendants at this Mass. All are invited to eat refreshment at the cafeteria of the hospital. I joined the brothers who wore their black habit and white collar at their breakfast with other people. The volunteers shared cake and pie to friends and guests. At my room, I was typing this journal plus my weekly reflection I share below. At 1 p.m. Brother Zeke knocked my door inviting me to eat lunch together with other brothers. After taking a nap, I entered the chapel and we had evening prayer together with the brothers at 5 p.m. Brother Zeke prepared the Chinese leftover food for our supper. I had nice chatting with Brother Jim Darby who approached me talking about Catholicity at his own age and having hope for the better Catholicity in the future. It ignited me to talk more about my own experience both in Indonesia and in the USA. I guess it’s a sort of initial conversation that I will have in the pastoral visit to the patients doing my CPE and formulate it on the five verbatim cases.
All in all, I am very grateful to this first week wonderful experience I ever have in my life where my formation stage nearly approaching the missionary religious priesthood at the Xaverians Society.
In the CPE program, I have to write weekly reflection one to two pages. I share it to you as well here:
Denny Wahyudi (13 June 2005)
Weekly Reflection (WEEK I, from 06 June to 10 June 2005)
Having experience of the CPE program at the Alexian Brothers Medical Center for the first week, I just want to say one deep appreciation and heartfelt gratitude to God who has accompanied me to this journey. Through some special people and friends eventually I could come to this wonderful place and experience. My special classmate at CTU, who is one of the Alexian Brothers, namely, Brother Ezekiel Mapa who encourages me since last year when I was discerning my plan to do the CPE. He is the one who gave me inspiration to choose the only place for my CPE to fulfill my theology studies at CTU in order to graduate next year in May 2006. It seems that God opens his way to this place as I saw the list of some hospitals, which are available to the CPE students. I had chosen only ABMC with my faith and confidence, if it is the will of God, it will be done according to his not mine. I just try to do my best looking for the possibility in front of me. Indeed, God reveals many good things as I journey my daily life. One of many daily things is to know closer my classmate that is Brother Zeke.
First time coming to the community of the Alexian Brothers on Sunday afternoon, 05 June 2005, I was so honored and privileged that the brothers who accepted me here, are very nice and welcomed to me as well as to my formators who took me here. I arrived at this community at 4 p.m. and Brother John Kim opened the front door and saying that I must be Brother Denny, the Xaverian seminarian. Then, the superior of the house, Brother Danny McCormick whom I have correspondence since February this year after I have been accepted at the summer CPE unity, helped me carry my heavy luggage to the upstairs and took me to my room number 245. He invited us to sit and relax at the back yard of the house in which I could see gorgeous scenery, a small lake with swans, various colors of rose at the garden and the noisy of cooler machine behind the hospital. Brother Dan called Brother Zeke who worked at the garden and we had nice conversation. After one-hour hospitality at this garden, we continued with evening prayer at 5 p.m. at the community chapel. Two Xaverian priests who took me here, Fathers Rocco (my rector) and Father Willy also joined us at this prayer. The chapel reminds me the chapel at the Xaverian general house in Rome-Italy, with circle shaped. Then, they left me here in this wonderful community I act as an honor guest.
For five days experiencing the CPE program with three of my classmates, I have many various feelings both positive and negative. I am glad and happy at this intensive program and at the same time it requires a lot of passion and perseverance of me till the end of the program. I feel little bit discouraged when I see that three of my classmates are very active discussing at the class but me. I feel that I have little courage to engage in the discussion. It is not only because I am the only one who is non-American (USA) who don’t have English as first language but also my own attitude as an introvert person, who think over and over before saying my opinion to the class. I think that it’s part of my personality that I have to be aware of and to see the possibility to grow and develop in this context of CPE program. On the first days, most of the time, I remained silent but attentively paying attention to the introduction things. Afterward, I feel that I am accepted as I am in the group. Once Annie said to me, “You’re a quite man.” I replied, “Yes, I am. Probably it’s a sort of inherited attitude I was given when I was born from my mother side. My mother was such a quite person.” I am glad that three of my classmates are very talkative at the class so I learn a lot from them and once in a while if I have opinion while I prepare my words to utter, I try my best to speak and involve.
I am aware also that I am a special person, who has privilege to stay together with the Alexian Brothers, which my classmates do not have. Once I told this to them, they were jealous with me. I told them, it’s because of the goodness of my classmate who is one of the Alexian Brothers and I have concerned a lot since last year before I decided to choose this place as my CPE program. My plan and dream comes true at this moment in which I can stay with the brothers. I don’t drive and I think that it’s much better while I’m doing my CPE program I still keep up with the religious life in a community. I believe that living together with other religious people, united in prayer, recreation, dinner and etc. makes me still being part of the religious community in spite of different community and congregation or order. I try my best to attend every prayers and dinner at this community as their timetable everyday. Since my plan has been accomplished, so in my part now, I have to show my perseverance doing little things at this community and my CPE program. Every brothers to whom I talked to, makes me to be at home at their community. They are very nice to me. One of the brothers said that normally they do not advertise somebody stay at their community with many reasons. But, because some reasons I have accepted at this community and I believe through the witness of my classmate, Brother Zeke. There are some engaging conversations with other brothers here that I do not record it at this reflection.
Dealing with some chaplains who are mostly Americans, I am amazed how wonderful their eagerness to serve others at the hospital and their number is struck me. First time, we gathered together on the first day when they welcomed us, the CPE summer students, I counted there were about 19 people including us. I believe that the coordination and teamwork of this spiritual care department is highly valued by this hospital. They give outstanding and remarkable character of this Catholic institution, which put spiritual care in advance, just different with other hospital institution. At least, it’s one comment I heard of the other friends and my own experience.
My experience of shadowing Linda at on-call service as chaplain on Thursday night, introduces me to various work one chaplain should do at their service. I don’t know whether I could do the same like Linda has done to the patients. I saw how nice her treatment to the patient whom we visited. It’s a good example I can follow but I believe also that I have my own style and limitation as a person that I have to build and develop. With good will to serve others and a philosophy of Rosemary (one of the chaplains at ABMC) who was saying at one session that “it’s all about the patient not me” continually encourages me to do my best at this immersion program. I wonder also how I can do little things such as writing and typing some data after visiting patients when I do it by myself. I guess with courage to do and no hesitant to ask if I don’t know, it will be in progress with trial and error. The first experiences often times make me nervous. I am struck as well with some people who say that not us but God who works in us at this service to others. Finally, I am impressed on the five mottos of the Alexian Brothers in running this medical center, namely: COMPASSION, DIGNITY OF THE PERSON, CARE OF THE POOR, HOLISM AND PARTNERSHIP.
As of August 20, I am staying with the Alexian Brothers and it’s my address:
801 Gloucester Drive
Elk Grove Village
Illinois 60007
Room no. 245.
Phone: 847-437-5500 (ext. 3322)
Sunday, June 05, 2005.
In the afternoon at 3 o’clock, Father Rocco and Father Willy took me to Alexian Brothers’ community on 801 Gloucester Drive, Elk Grove Village. Exactly one hour it took to this place that is right behind the Alexian Brothers Hospital. A Korean born Alexian Brother named John opened the door as I rang the bell of the house and then the rector of the community, Brother Danny McCormick whom I have contacted him since February 2005 in order to stay at this community while I am doing the CPE summer program. I felt welcomed by this community who has 14 members and 70 year-old of the average. They invited us to sit at backyard of the house with a small lake and various roses at the green and beautiful garden. My classmate, the Alexian Brother named Zeke was working at this garden then sitting with us having conversation. It’s truly my dream comes true. What I have been planning since last year with Brother Zeke has realized today. I’m glad and feel honored with this special occasion in my life. After having one- hour conversation and hospitality at the garden, we had evening prayer together at 5 p.m. at the Brother’s chapel including Fathers Rocco and Willy. After the Vesper, Fathers Rocco and Willy left, returned to Hyde Park, about 34 miles away from here. I was introduced and initiated by Brother Zeke to this community, starting with the practical things at this house like keys of the house, the lamps of my rooms, food, TV room, laundry room, and many little things. Then he took me to the hospital, introduced me the rooms till the 6th floor. I could imagine how wonderful it is if it was being done when I came to the USA first time so that I was not left behind to know little things that I should have and being done as a newcomer. I really appreciate this experience and special treatment given by my friend, Brother Zeke. It seems that this community know very well how to treat a newcomer like me. I am really grateful to Brother Zeke and the rector, Brother Danny who do their best to welcome me. For the supper, together with Brothers Danny and Zeke, I went to the cafeteria of the hospital to take some food and brought it to the dining room of this community. They have certain code number to access to the hospital and they let me know it as well. I felt more privilege with this sort of treatment; their secret number to access to the hospital was shared to me as well; what a privilege! The rest of the day, I watched TV with Brother Danny and Zeke. This house has 4 TV rooms where some brothers have their own place to watch. The brothers are from China, Korea, Philippines, Italy, Germany and the USA. I got a private room right in front of the rector’s room complete with phone and private bathroom. I felt being spoiled here, but I believe that all of these not coming suddenly, but through survey and efforts to connect to others. It’s all about relationship and friendship in the beginning and certain plan beforehand to be proceeded with dialogue in due times and with due persons. When we watched TV, Father Danny told me that if I want anything just tell him or Brother Zeke. They try their best to welcome every guest who stays at this community.
Monday, June 06, 2005. In the morning at 4.45 I woke up already since the dawn had appeared through the window of my room. I joined the morning prayer at the chapel of this community at 6.15 then having breakfast together. Soon after finished my breakfast, I went to my CPE program at trailer 2, just took a walk two minutes behind the house. Once again, Brother Zeke took me to this place, made sure that I arrived at the right place. Since nobody came till 7 a.m. at this place, I came back to the house and asked Brother Zeke to find out what’s going on and he took me to the conference room at the hospital. That’s true that there’s miscommunication between spiritual care department and the one who in charge of general orientation to the hospital. We’re not registered yet to this conference, but eventually we could attend it. There were about 60 people who mostly are new employees of this hospital from various departments. The conference started at 8 a.m., not 7 a.m. like the schedule we received from the e-mail of the CPE supervisor. The things they presented at this conference were more likely for the employees, not for us who are at the CPE program, so right after last session before lunch we were gathered at the cafeteria to meet our CPE friends. We are four students: two Lutheran seminarians, both of them male, Dirk (LSTC-Chicago, second year) and Erick who studies in California in specialization of Hebrew scripture, then two Catholics: myself from CTU-Chicago and one lady who studies at Loyola University, Chicago, M.Div and MSN (nursing program). This lady has a husband who studies M.Div program (first year) at CTU-Chicago, named Jonathan. Her name is Annie, originally from Jamaica and has Afro-American accent. Her husband is a lay deacon at Holy Family Church. Their house about 40 miles away from this hospital. To see my friends who have far places getting to this place, I felt once again having privilege that I can stay with Alexian Brothers community. Dirk said that what I am doing now is a smart way to plan far before hand doing this CPE. It’s a part of my CPE workshop as I attended at CTU in October 2004 that I came to know that the CPE program does not provide residency for the students. It drove me to think many times before taking decision. Providentially, my classmate at theological reflection, Brother Zeke, one of the Alexian Brothers, recommended me to apply to this hospital because I saw it has this criteria, opportunity to live at the Alexian Brothers community. I gambled to choose this only place for my CPE with my own confidence that I would be accepted and if not I would go to Indonesia for vacation as I said as a joke and maybe rather serious to Dharmawan. I know how difficult it is and what sacrifice it is to come to this place everyday from Hyde Park like Dirk does
As I noticed, the employees who attended this morning conference are very diverse: some Asians (Philippinos, Indians, Chinese), Caucasians, Latinos, Afro-Americans and some other ethnic backgrounds. At 1 p.m. at the office of spiritual care, we were welcomed by the CPE supervisors and staffs including the chaplains both Catholics (3 priests: one diocesan of Archdiocese of Chicago, one Polish, and one Indian) and other denominations. We’re altogether about 19 people gathered at this opening and reception moment meant for four of us as CPE students. We shared our identities and introduction of the personals of this spiritual care department. Digna, a Philippines lady, a pastor of other denomination is in charge of this CPE program. She gave each one of us a binder or handbook of the CPE program, a blue suite for the CPE students and took us to see the place for on-call 24-hours at 1st floor of the hospital then she guided us to a place to check our urine, to test kind of drug. Dirk took me to the hospital after patiently I have been waiting for quite minutes and moment his urine came out after drinking some cups of water in order to fulfill this drug-check requirement. I got the chapel of the hospital at due time before the evening prayer started and the Mass was celebrated by the Indian priest. There were Alexian Brothers attending this Mass, the daily Masses on weekdays at the chapel of the hospital every 5.30 p.m. It was attended also by few other people. After the Mass and the Vesper, I joined supper together with Alexian Brothers at their special dining room, right beside the cafeteria of the hospital. Again I am being part of this community, being served by the employees who work at the cafeteria of the hospital. I tried to communicate to some brothers who sit at my table. They were really very nice, inviting me to talk and share my experience. Even one of the brothers, named Eugene told me that he would show me another hospital, about 10 miles away, that has been bought by the Alexian Brothers. What I can do is just being part of this community especially in community gathering such as morning prayer at 6.15, evening Mass at 5.30 p.m. including the evening prayer with breviary and meals both morning and evening. I easily could adjust their timetable but in the evening I get tired and exhausted after the whole day have intensive CPE program. I do my best to verbalize my rich experience at this CPE program by typing this journal. I did type it after took rest a while in my room then I feel that I have to write this great experience and share to all of my penpals through weekly e-mails.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005. Today is my second day of CPE unit. At 5.15 a.m. I woke up and took shower then attended morning prayer at Brothers’ chapel at 6.15 a.m. I could see good commitment of the brothers here to come at the chapel earlier and all of them come at least 5-10 minutes before it starts. After having breakfast together with them, I had one hour and I read a book in my room then at 7.45 I just came to the CPE at trailer 2. We started our session with morning prayer with other chaplains at 8 a.m. that lasted 30 minutes including the short report of the on-call chaplains. Digna led us the session about CPE program and all requirement we should do in 11 weeks program. It seems a lot of writing paper but I believe that step-by-step we get there. Another supervisor, Jim Gullickson gave us session about CPE especially the goals and the objectives of CPE as it is written on the handbook we received yesterday. There are three goals, namely: pastoral formation, pastoral competency and pastoral reflection. There is learning contract and goals that I should make for myself and submitted for next week. It is pretty the same like what I have done at CTU for M.Div Ministry Practicum last academic year. What I have learned and done at CTU gives me basic understanding where this CPE program flows. Before noon, we had medical screening and I got shot for TB (Tuberculosis) vaccine then my blood was taken for three other vaccines. I never had experience coming to a doctor in the USA since my stay almost 3 years, now because of the requirement of the hospital where I have the CPE program, I should undertake those formal health screening. At 12.30 p.m. we had lunch at the cafeteria in which each one of us was given a bar code in a card in order to get maximally $ 5 for free lunch. Then we were led by Sandra, a chaplain who studies at LSTC-Chicago to a tour of the medical center: Day surgery, Neuro, Ortho, Telemetry, ER and PIR. We started with the hospital chapel at 1st floor where she usually comes before on call service. I was wondered about her, that she is a Lutheran but she also gives host, communion to Catholic fellows at the hospital with consecrated Catholic host. Probably, it will be discussed tomorrow in the session of Father Bill, a Catholic chaplain who already serves this hospital for quite number of years. A quarter to three, we were invited to attend Alexian Spirit of Excellence Celebration at Conference Center in which one of the resident chaplain named Linda Rump got the award. We supported her at this occasion. She will be on call service with me on this coming Thursday. We went to a place to make a badge ID name with photo where it is written: “Intern Chaplain” and finally we got it and put it on our blue suite. Now, we are officially chaplain of pastoral care/spiritual care department of Alexian Brothers Medical Center (ABMC). Since we’re tired so the rest of the session that is debriefing we escaped. Today our friend, named Dirk is in charge of on call service for 24-hour especially at night and he stays overnight at a chaplain room at the hospital. He is shadowing a senior chaplain, Sandra. At 5.30 p.m. I attended evening prayer (Vesper) and Mass at the chapel of the hospital. Then we had supper together with brothers including the two chaplains who will serve on-call tonight, Dirk and Sandra. In the garden at the backyard of the Brothers’ house, I hang out with three brothers: Danny, Zeke and Victor then they invited me to play ping-pong at a room where Brother Danny likes to watch TV, at the second floor. It’s a nice evening that I could play ping pong with them even though I never played it since quite long time ago. It is my intention to be with the brothers in this house because I am a guest so I have to behave appropriately. Though I don’t have a custom to play ping-pong but I enjoyed being together with them in this game. We’re the same not good players of ping-pong. Until 9 p.m. we played ping-pong then I took shower and typed this journal.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005. As usual I woke up in the morning at 5.15 then took shower and 30 minutes before morning prayer I did quiet personal prayer at the chapel then 6.15 a.m. Brother John Kim, from Korea, led the lauds. I had breakfast together with the brothers at this community. A quarter to eight I walked to trailer 2 at the spiritual care department where the CPE program is. Today Digna, our supervisor originally from the Philipines was absent because she attended her Methodist Church meeting as a pastor. We started at 8 a.m. with morning devotion/prayer, about mystery that one read a book about it then morning report: Jim Gullickson read a report of green book where it is written a report of last night on-call service. There were three persons passed away during last 12 hours. Even in the meeting Sandra, a chaplain together with Dirk, one of my colleagues should left the morning devotion because one of the patients just passed away after they received a message from the pager. At 9 a.m. a Catholic deacon named Dave gave us a session about On-call overview and use of computer, how to entry data of patients. This morning I was very sleepy and tired, my neck was stiffened but I tried to awake in the class. Before noon, Father Bill gave us a session about sacramental theology, practical things about anointing of the sick and communion to patients. At noon we are four students of CPE had lunch together at cafeteria. Linda, one of the chaplains guided us on a tour of the medical center: ICU/CCU/CVICU/WIC/Oncology and Cancer Institute and we ended up at Hospice Unit at 5th floor where Ken, another chaplain shared his experience. At this time, my sleepiness was terribly bothering me. Fortunately, at 3 p.m. the program was over then I could go home to the Brothers house and took a nap almost two hours. Then at 5 p.m. I went to the chapel of the hospital: 5.30 p.m. we had Vesper and Mass presided by Father Andrew, originally from Krakow, Poland. He’s one of three chaplain priests here. At 6 p.m. I had supper together with the brothers at their special dining room at the hospital. I hang out with Brother Philip, originally from Trenton-New Jersey. In his 77 year-old, he sill works as volunteer at the front desk of the hospital. I took a walk with Brothers Zeke and Victor to know the forest around here. I watched TV and hang out with Brother Victor then two other senior brothers: Philip and Eugene came joining us. I had little conversation with them as well. Before that I had chatting with Brother Jim, 84 year-old, from Louisiana and he told me that I’m a special person who can stay at this community. Normally, the brothers don’t advertise to others to stay at this community with any security reason. So, once again I was privileged to be here and always my gratitude to the Alexian Brothers through Brother Zeke, my classmate who helps me in order to stay with them while I’m in the CPE program. Even though officially I’m not one of the Alexian Brothers, but I feel at home, they accept and welcome me as their brother and they always try to approach and talk to me. It’s a wonderful hospitality I ever have experiencing living together with other religious community in the USA. Hopefully, I can behave properly as they put trust on me to be here for 11 weeks. During the sessions of the CPE today, most of the time, I kept quiet while three of my colleagues had talked a lot of things. I was not in good condition today, very tired and sleepy. In dealing with a new environment especially with whom I am living now, I let myself getting to know the brothers here and to be known by them as I stay at this community. My strategy is just stay with them in the community prayers, diner, and recreation time such as watching television, sport/ping pong, walking, or other occasions next coming days. Being present among them is all about my ministry beside my CPE program. I can see in their old ages, they are happy to see young people living a religious life style, which is very rarely in the USA nowadays. Today, Erick my classmate at CPE program who is Lutheran seminarian and Andrea, one of part time chaplain are on-call service overnight but they didn’t come to our diner with the brothers nor to the Mass and evening prayer at the chapel this evening. Hopefully, tomorrow evening I can go to the Mass in the evening before I am on-call service over night with Linda.
Thursday, June 09, 2005. We had morning prayer at the brother’s chapel at 6.15 then breakfast. The CPE started as usual with morning devotion and this time, Digna led us the prayer. Digna gave us a session about initial visit and Rosemary about charting some various form of chaplaincy. Before having lunch we checked up our TB vaccine and we are done with the health business, as the hospital requires to every single employee. Once again Linda led us a tour to some units at this hospital. In the afternoon Theresa shared us about administration of the chaplain office at trailer 2. At 4 p.m. I could take a rest for a while then took shower and attended evening prayer plus Mass at the hospital chapel at 5.30 p.m. followed by supper with Alexian Brothers in which Linda who is in charge of on-call chaplain tonight joined us. It’s her first time having dinner with the brothers even though she has been doing resident CPE for one year at this hospital. The brothers are always welcome to the chaplains who want to join them at the supper when they are in charge of the overnight on-call. After supper, I was shadowing Linda to visit patients at some units. We visited an 84-year-old man patient who was stated died but suddenly his breath started again. He was in comma after without oxygen for 15-minute. We met a chaplain named Andrea who just got little accident at the trailer 2. A big poster frame hit her forehead while she was typing at a computer room. She was OK afterward. With Linda, then I visited a patient who needs a prayer book, but he was sleeping, so we just left the little book at his bed. We made an initial visit to a lady who endures an obesity problem then we prayed together. She was a United Methodist fellow, just like Linda. She showed me how to fill out the chart after visiting a patient. She gave me a best guide to do this chaplaincy as my first experience dealing with patient. It’s always helpful if somebody accompanies me how to do things, which I am not familiar with. She did a great example to me as a model to follow. At 9 p.m. we dismissed, she stays at a chaplain room at 5th floor and I stayed at 1st floor. I had time to read some magazines and watched TV.
Friday, June 10, 2005. During the night, I didn’t receive any call even though actually Linda got a phone call at 4.30 a.m. that somebody passed away but there’s no family coming yet, so there’s no need to come early in the morning. She told me at the trailer how to fill out a form of deceased patient. After taking shower and personal prayer at the chaplain room, I met Linda at 6.15 a.m. and checked some units but nothing to be done. It’s amazing to see emergency room (ER) this morning that the situation was just the opposite of last night. This early morning time, it’s a quiet time, not many patients. We continued with our breakfast at the cafeteria with burritos together also with Brother John Kim, a Korean Alexian Brother who works at the radiology at this hospital. At 7 a.m. Linda told me how to write down the report at the green book and a form for deceased patient. At 8 a.m. Linda led our devotion morning prayer and shared the report we have during our on-call service last night. The session of this day given by Digna continuing yesterday’s issue, the initial visit and role-play between patient and chaplain. With Jim and Digna, we discussed our unit assignment and schedule for coming weeks. Each one of us gets a pager and 10 times on-call overnight schedule. I was asked favor by Digna to write and type database of ours. After lunch we were free and left for home. This night Annie and chaplain Andrea are in charge of on-call. I took a nap at my room at the Alexian Brother’s community then at 5.30 attended the evening prayer and the Mass at the chapel of the hospital. Today is also a celebration of Brother Bonaventure Thelen, a founder of Alexian Brother who came to the United States in 1860’s from Germany. To celebrate it, some volunteers shared cakes to people, who were coming to the cafeteria of this hospital and shared a pin of this brother. Annie and Andrea, who are on-call this night, joined us also in the supper with the brothers. Andrea, the part time chaplain came to join the brothers in the supper for the first time after quite a while doing chaplaincy at this hospital. In the evening, Brother Victor, a Chinese Alexian brother, 58 year-old, invited me to take a walk to the forest around here and there’s a quite long and gorgeous lake where some people were fishing. As we returned to the house, I saw Brother Zeke was watering the garden and I had nice chatting with him. At 9 p.m. I had chance to type this journal after delaying one day that was yesterday when I had on-call service.
Saturday, June 11, 2005. This morning I woke up later than usual since the Mass and morning prayer starts at 8 a.m. There was the superior general of the Alexian Brothers visiting this community. His office is at Tennessee. Together with him and two other brothers, Dan and Zeke, I joined their shopping at Jewel Osco not far from here. In the car they had fraternal conversation and teased each other while I remained silently trying to be familiar with them. While Brothers Dan and Zeke were busy picking up some foods, I had nice conversation with Brother Edward, the superior general whose simplistic life-style as I notice that he only uses Lumina’s car. After returning home, I was invited again by Brothers Dan and Zeke to buy some food for wild birds and fertilizer for their garden. We went to the North and passed by Mundelein Seminary. We bought some Chinese food, at Chinese Buffet at Barrington then we had lunch together at the community house with other brothers including the superior general. After lunch, I did laundry for my own clothes as my custom every weekend. I did take a nap for a while then at 4.30 p.m. Imelda Palmas and family plus Ibu Andrea and Nita picked me up to go to the wedding of an Indonesian couple, Richard-Arni at Wyndham Hotel, about 15 minutes from this house, at Elk Grove Village. I guess there were about some 150 people coming to this wedding celebration. I think it’s my first time to attend a wedding celebration in the USA with its own style, which is much different in Indonesia. In Indonesia people are coming and going but here the attendants should reserve beforehand as they receive the invitation whether they will come and how many people, their names, etc. We gathered first at the ground floor to have drink and chatted each other then after the groom and the bride came, there’s a traditional dance of Indonesia, West Sumatera, by Pak Ngurah and a woman. They called it ‘tari payung’ (the umbrella dance). We continued the celebration started at 7 p.m. at the other room in which there were some tables with names of some cities in the world. I sit at round table named Istanbul with Dharmawan, Marvin, Nita, Ibu Andrea, Nick, Yuki, Lia and Mimih. One thing that is unique that I never knew it before is that every time somebody rings a glass with knife or spoon loudly, the groom and the bride should kiss each other and they did many times as the guests request continuously to tease them. The wedding celebrants were coming to every table to give greetings and take picture together. The end of the celebration is dance party where every body is invited to dance together with the celebrants. The music played by a DJ was very nice with various sorts of music. Actually, it lasted till midnight but most people left earlier. I just enjoyed seeing people having fun with dancing and rejoicing. At 11.15 p.m. We left the wedding and once again Imelda and family plus Ibu Andrea and Nita took me back to the Alexian Brothers community at Elk Grove Village.
Sunday, June 12, 2005. I woke up at 7.30 a.m. then took a shower and prayed personally at the community chapel here. At 9 a.m. I attended the Sunday Mass at the hospital chapel, which was attended by some 60 fellows. It is a special celebration of the Alexian Brothers to recognize the Alexian Brothers founder in the USA who first time came to the USA in 1866 from Germany, Brother Bonaventure Thelen. There were about 60 attendants at this Mass. All are invited to eat refreshment at the cafeteria of the hospital. I joined the brothers who wore their black habit and white collar at their breakfast with other people. The volunteers shared cake and pie to friends and guests. At my room, I was typing this journal plus my weekly reflection I share below. At 1 p.m. Brother Zeke knocked my door inviting me to eat lunch together with other brothers. After taking a nap, I entered the chapel and we had evening prayer together with the brothers at 5 p.m. Brother Zeke prepared the Chinese leftover food for our supper. I had nice chatting with Brother Jim Darby who approached me talking about Catholicity at his own age and having hope for the better Catholicity in the future. It ignited me to talk more about my own experience both in Indonesia and in the USA. I guess it’s a sort of initial conversation that I will have in the pastoral visit to the patients doing my CPE and formulate it on the five verbatim cases.
All in all, I am very grateful to this first week wonderful experience I ever have in my life where my formation stage nearly approaching the missionary religious priesthood at the Xaverians Society.
In the CPE program, I have to write weekly reflection one to two pages. I share it to you as well here:
Denny Wahyudi (13 June 2005)
Weekly Reflection (WEEK I, from 06 June to 10 June 2005)
Having experience of the CPE program at the Alexian Brothers Medical Center for the first week, I just want to say one deep appreciation and heartfelt gratitude to God who has accompanied me to this journey. Through some special people and friends eventually I could come to this wonderful place and experience. My special classmate at CTU, who is one of the Alexian Brothers, namely, Brother Ezekiel Mapa who encourages me since last year when I was discerning my plan to do the CPE. He is the one who gave me inspiration to choose the only place for my CPE to fulfill my theology studies at CTU in order to graduate next year in May 2006. It seems that God opens his way to this place as I saw the list of some hospitals, which are available to the CPE students. I had chosen only ABMC with my faith and confidence, if it is the will of God, it will be done according to his not mine. I just try to do my best looking for the possibility in front of me. Indeed, God reveals many good things as I journey my daily life. One of many daily things is to know closer my classmate that is Brother Zeke.
First time coming to the community of the Alexian Brothers on Sunday afternoon, 05 June 2005, I was so honored and privileged that the brothers who accepted me here, are very nice and welcomed to me as well as to my formators who took me here. I arrived at this community at 4 p.m. and Brother John Kim opened the front door and saying that I must be Brother Denny, the Xaverian seminarian. Then, the superior of the house, Brother Danny McCormick whom I have correspondence since February this year after I have been accepted at the summer CPE unity, helped me carry my heavy luggage to the upstairs and took me to my room number 245. He invited us to sit and relax at the back yard of the house in which I could see gorgeous scenery, a small lake with swans, various colors of rose at the garden and the noisy of cooler machine behind the hospital. Brother Dan called Brother Zeke who worked at the garden and we had nice conversation. After one-hour hospitality at this garden, we continued with evening prayer at 5 p.m. at the community chapel. Two Xaverian priests who took me here, Fathers Rocco (my rector) and Father Willy also joined us at this prayer. The chapel reminds me the chapel at the Xaverian general house in Rome-Italy, with circle shaped. Then, they left me here in this wonderful community I act as an honor guest.
For five days experiencing the CPE program with three of my classmates, I have many various feelings both positive and negative. I am glad and happy at this intensive program and at the same time it requires a lot of passion and perseverance of me till the end of the program. I feel little bit discouraged when I see that three of my classmates are very active discussing at the class but me. I feel that I have little courage to engage in the discussion. It is not only because I am the only one who is non-American (USA) who don’t have English as first language but also my own attitude as an introvert person, who think over and over before saying my opinion to the class. I think that it’s part of my personality that I have to be aware of and to see the possibility to grow and develop in this context of CPE program. On the first days, most of the time, I remained silent but attentively paying attention to the introduction things. Afterward, I feel that I am accepted as I am in the group. Once Annie said to me, “You’re a quite man.” I replied, “Yes, I am. Probably it’s a sort of inherited attitude I was given when I was born from my mother side. My mother was such a quite person.” I am glad that three of my classmates are very talkative at the class so I learn a lot from them and once in a while if I have opinion while I prepare my words to utter, I try my best to speak and involve.
I am aware also that I am a special person, who has privilege to stay together with the Alexian Brothers, which my classmates do not have. Once I told this to them, they were jealous with me. I told them, it’s because of the goodness of my classmate who is one of the Alexian Brothers and I have concerned a lot since last year before I decided to choose this place as my CPE program. My plan and dream comes true at this moment in which I can stay with the brothers. I don’t drive and I think that it’s much better while I’m doing my CPE program I still keep up with the religious life in a community. I believe that living together with other religious people, united in prayer, recreation, dinner and etc. makes me still being part of the religious community in spite of different community and congregation or order. I try my best to attend every prayers and dinner at this community as their timetable everyday. Since my plan has been accomplished, so in my part now, I have to show my perseverance doing little things at this community and my CPE program. Every brothers to whom I talked to, makes me to be at home at their community. They are very nice to me. One of the brothers said that normally they do not advertise somebody stay at their community with many reasons. But, because some reasons I have accepted at this community and I believe through the witness of my classmate, Brother Zeke. There are some engaging conversations with other brothers here that I do not record it at this reflection.
Dealing with some chaplains who are mostly Americans, I am amazed how wonderful their eagerness to serve others at the hospital and their number is struck me. First time, we gathered together on the first day when they welcomed us, the CPE summer students, I counted there were about 19 people including us. I believe that the coordination and teamwork of this spiritual care department is highly valued by this hospital. They give outstanding and remarkable character of this Catholic institution, which put spiritual care in advance, just different with other hospital institution. At least, it’s one comment I heard of the other friends and my own experience.
My experience of shadowing Linda at on-call service as chaplain on Thursday night, introduces me to various work one chaplain should do at their service. I don’t know whether I could do the same like Linda has done to the patients. I saw how nice her treatment to the patient whom we visited. It’s a good example I can follow but I believe also that I have my own style and limitation as a person that I have to build and develop. With good will to serve others and a philosophy of Rosemary (one of the chaplains at ABMC) who was saying at one session that “it’s all about the patient not me” continually encourages me to do my best at this immersion program. I wonder also how I can do little things such as writing and typing some data after visiting patients when I do it by myself. I guess with courage to do and no hesitant to ask if I don’t know, it will be in progress with trial and error. The first experiences often times make me nervous. I am struck as well with some people who say that not us but God who works in us at this service to others. Finally, I am impressed on the five mottos of the Alexian Brothers in running this medical center, namely: COMPASSION, DIGNITY OF THE PERSON, CARE OF THE POOR, HOLISM AND PARTNERSHIP.
As of August 20, I am staying with the Alexian Brothers and it’s my address:
801 Gloucester Drive
Elk Grove Village
Illinois 60007
Room no. 245.
Phone: 847-437-5500 (ext. 3322)
Sunday, June 05, 2005
1st letter of June 2005
1) 10th Sunday in Ordinary Time, June 05, 2005
Monday, May 30, 2005. We had Mass in the morning at 6.30 because Petrus and Ignas are going to go to O’Hare airport early in the morning, returning to Indonesia for Petrus and vacation for Ignatius. Soon after breakfast, we (2 cars) took them to O’Hare airport. They flew by Japan Airlines at 11.35 a.m. Today is also Memorial Day, a national day off, so the trip to go to the airport was very smooth. I think for next year, 2006 when my time comes to have vacation to Indonesia, I will take this date as well, the Memorial Day, the last Sunday in May.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005. In the afternoon I headed to Saint Therese Church in Chinatown by bicycle to meet my spiritual director, Father Michael, sx, to have spiritual direction. On the way to this place I took green line train and I met my classmate, Vertus Elvenord, a former Scalabrinian student from Haiti who now lives at a Claretian house at Pilsen.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005. In the morning after Mass and breakfast, I went to CTU to borrow some 10 books for my CPE program. I was asked to have a book written by Henry J. Nouwen, entitled The Living Reminder. I got some paper of my courses I took this spring semester and the results were pretty good. Thanks to God. I called up Ignatius in Jakarta at the Xaverian philosophy house. He just arrived in Jakarta and said that he was sweating a lot; Jakarta is quite hot. In the afternoon from 4 to 5 I had personal formation with Father Rocco, my rector. He gave me a written testimonial paper after finishing my second year of my theology studies in Chicago. It recommends me to continue my formation journey toward final vows and deaconate ordination, hopefully this coming year. After supper, together with Father Victor, Dharmawan and Atumisi, I took a walk at the Lakeshore to enjoy the beautiful evening and the sunset at 8.20 p.m.
Thursday, June 02, 2005. After Mass, Alejandro made pancake for our breakfast. It’s my favorite meal in the morning, mixed with butter and maple syrup. I did clean up the basement and did laundry of my own clothes. In the afternoon I cooked for my community, Lasagna and Tom Yum soup. After supper we (Father Rocco and I) watched television. Then Alejandro was coming, brought a DVD entitled the Passion of Priest and we watched together with Dharmawan and Atumisi.
Friday, June 03, 2005. In the morning I put all of my journals I have been writing since my stay in the USA, in November 2002 on the blogger.com. It can be opened on: http://dennywahyudi.blogspot.com
After supper, together with Father Victor, Dharmawan and Atumisi, I went to the Indonesian prayer group at State Street, the house of Budi and Rina. There were about 19 fellows coming and we shared the vocation life of newly ordained priests of Indonesian SVD, Fransis and Sonny and also other friends. They came with their family as a moment of thanksgiving and farewell prayer as they continue their mission in Hungary and Angola. Martino provided chicken noodle and the mother of Astrid who just came to Chicago from Jakarta to visit Astrid-Darwin and Leonard (her grandson) also cooked for us. We had good time in the hospitality and worship-fellowship led by Budi, our PWKI leader. I apologized being absent for one year, not to come to this prayer group since I was busy with my ministry, David Darst Center, a retreat house. I believe that this prayer group has influenced me a lot in my first year living in Chicago in which I had desire to support and to be supported in a small group of faith. I said in my sharing that like John the Baptis, I told my experience of this group to Father Victor and eventually he contributed to this group as if I prepared a way of Father Victor to come. I owe also to Father Sonny, svd who always faithfully picked me up to come to this prayer group in 2003-2004, my first year in Chicago. My sincere gratitude also to Budi and Rina who always welcome us to pray together in their house. May it give fruits in our lives as we encourage and empower each other as Catholics.
Saturday, June 04, 2005. In the morning once again we enjoyed pancake made by Alejandro (Pato). At 10.30 a.m. I was picked up by Father Sony, svd and his family, to go to an Indonesian family in the suburb, Jeffey-Yolanda. We picked up Father Rudi, osc at CTU as well. After arrived at their house, we met an OSC priest from Netherland who works in Indonesia, a former provincial of OSC in Indonesia. He takes a sexuality course at CTU this summer. Father Francis, svd and his family came as well. Jeffrey is a professor at IIT, Chicago and he’s from Ruteng-Flores, Indonesia. They invited both newly ordained priests at this lunch. They served us, Indonesian traditional meal, tumpeng. At 2 p.m. in the heavy raining, we continued our journey to return to SVD house on Ellis Street. I followed them and at 4 p.m. Father Sonny, SVD said his first Mass at Saint Ambrose Church on 47th Street. He ministered this church as deacon for one year. We had hospitality and meal at the rectory. Finally, Father Sonny, svd and his family took me home. I was so exhausted and sleepy this evening then I went to bed early at 8 p.m.
Sunday, June 05, 2005. After woke up in the morning at 6.30, took shower and prayed breviary personally at my room, I attended Mass at Saint Thomas the Apostle at 8 a.m. then I went to CTU to check our Xaverian mailbox but there was nothing. I returned home soon and prepared many things for my Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) at Alexian Brother Hospital at Elk Grove Village, Illinois from 6 June to 19 August 2005. I am going to stay at Alexian Brother’s community, just behind the hospital. Before noon, I was typing this journal and at 3 p.m. Father Rocco,sx is going to take me to my CPE site.
From now on, probably, I would not translate this journal to Indonesian since I have to spend my time to many other things. I think it’s enough in English, I am sorry for my penpals who are not accustomed in English. I am sending this at Sunday noon while the weather is so warm and sunshine lightly. Hopefully, when I stay at Alexian Brother’s community, I have chance to access the Internet so that I can continue to share my experience especially at this CPE program for 11 weeks ahead. Thank you.
Monday, May 30, 2005. We had Mass in the morning at 6.30 because Petrus and Ignas are going to go to O’Hare airport early in the morning, returning to Indonesia for Petrus and vacation for Ignatius. Soon after breakfast, we (2 cars) took them to O’Hare airport. They flew by Japan Airlines at 11.35 a.m. Today is also Memorial Day, a national day off, so the trip to go to the airport was very smooth. I think for next year, 2006 when my time comes to have vacation to Indonesia, I will take this date as well, the Memorial Day, the last Sunday in May.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005. In the afternoon I headed to Saint Therese Church in Chinatown by bicycle to meet my spiritual director, Father Michael, sx, to have spiritual direction. On the way to this place I took green line train and I met my classmate, Vertus Elvenord, a former Scalabrinian student from Haiti who now lives at a Claretian house at Pilsen.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005. In the morning after Mass and breakfast, I went to CTU to borrow some 10 books for my CPE program. I was asked to have a book written by Henry J. Nouwen, entitled The Living Reminder. I got some paper of my courses I took this spring semester and the results were pretty good. Thanks to God. I called up Ignatius in Jakarta at the Xaverian philosophy house. He just arrived in Jakarta and said that he was sweating a lot; Jakarta is quite hot. In the afternoon from 4 to 5 I had personal formation with Father Rocco, my rector. He gave me a written testimonial paper after finishing my second year of my theology studies in Chicago. It recommends me to continue my formation journey toward final vows and deaconate ordination, hopefully this coming year. After supper, together with Father Victor, Dharmawan and Atumisi, I took a walk at the Lakeshore to enjoy the beautiful evening and the sunset at 8.20 p.m.
Thursday, June 02, 2005. After Mass, Alejandro made pancake for our breakfast. It’s my favorite meal in the morning, mixed with butter and maple syrup. I did clean up the basement and did laundry of my own clothes. In the afternoon I cooked for my community, Lasagna and Tom Yum soup. After supper we (Father Rocco and I) watched television. Then Alejandro was coming, brought a DVD entitled the Passion of Priest and we watched together with Dharmawan and Atumisi.
Friday, June 03, 2005. In the morning I put all of my journals I have been writing since my stay in the USA, in November 2002 on the blogger.com. It can be opened on: http://dennywahyudi.blogspot.com
After supper, together with Father Victor, Dharmawan and Atumisi, I went to the Indonesian prayer group at State Street, the house of Budi and Rina. There were about 19 fellows coming and we shared the vocation life of newly ordained priests of Indonesian SVD, Fransis and Sonny and also other friends. They came with their family as a moment of thanksgiving and farewell prayer as they continue their mission in Hungary and Angola. Martino provided chicken noodle and the mother of Astrid who just came to Chicago from Jakarta to visit Astrid-Darwin and Leonard (her grandson) also cooked for us. We had good time in the hospitality and worship-fellowship led by Budi, our PWKI leader. I apologized being absent for one year, not to come to this prayer group since I was busy with my ministry, David Darst Center, a retreat house. I believe that this prayer group has influenced me a lot in my first year living in Chicago in which I had desire to support and to be supported in a small group of faith. I said in my sharing that like John the Baptis, I told my experience of this group to Father Victor and eventually he contributed to this group as if I prepared a way of Father Victor to come. I owe also to Father Sonny, svd who always faithfully picked me up to come to this prayer group in 2003-2004, my first year in Chicago. My sincere gratitude also to Budi and Rina who always welcome us to pray together in their house. May it give fruits in our lives as we encourage and empower each other as Catholics.
Saturday, June 04, 2005. In the morning once again we enjoyed pancake made by Alejandro (Pato). At 10.30 a.m. I was picked up by Father Sony, svd and his family, to go to an Indonesian family in the suburb, Jeffey-Yolanda. We picked up Father Rudi, osc at CTU as well. After arrived at their house, we met an OSC priest from Netherland who works in Indonesia, a former provincial of OSC in Indonesia. He takes a sexuality course at CTU this summer. Father Francis, svd and his family came as well. Jeffrey is a professor at IIT, Chicago and he’s from Ruteng-Flores, Indonesia. They invited both newly ordained priests at this lunch. They served us, Indonesian traditional meal, tumpeng. At 2 p.m. in the heavy raining, we continued our journey to return to SVD house on Ellis Street. I followed them and at 4 p.m. Father Sonny, SVD said his first Mass at Saint Ambrose Church on 47th Street. He ministered this church as deacon for one year. We had hospitality and meal at the rectory. Finally, Father Sonny, svd and his family took me home. I was so exhausted and sleepy this evening then I went to bed early at 8 p.m.
Sunday, June 05, 2005. After woke up in the morning at 6.30, took shower and prayed breviary personally at my room, I attended Mass at Saint Thomas the Apostle at 8 a.m. then I went to CTU to check our Xaverian mailbox but there was nothing. I returned home soon and prepared many things for my Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) at Alexian Brother Hospital at Elk Grove Village, Illinois from 6 June to 19 August 2005. I am going to stay at Alexian Brother’s community, just behind the hospital. Before noon, I was typing this journal and at 3 p.m. Father Rocco,sx is going to take me to my CPE site.
From now on, probably, I would not translate this journal to Indonesian since I have to spend my time to many other things. I think it’s enough in English, I am sorry for my penpals who are not accustomed in English. I am sending this at Sunday noon while the weather is so warm and sunshine lightly. Hopefully, when I stay at Alexian Brother’s community, I have chance to access the Internet so that I can continue to share my experience especially at this CPE program for 11 weeks ahead. Thank you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)