surat ke-1 bulan Mei 2005

1) 6th Sunday of Easter, May 01, 2005

Monday, April 25, 2005. Starting today Petrus as a newly diacon concelebrated together in the Mass of our community. In the spirituality of a new millennium at CTU, Gabriel Bentil from Ghana presented his study on Pope John XXIII. After supper I transferred video I have taken yesterday on the celebration of Petrus’ diaconate ordination from handycam to VHS, about three hours.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005. In the morning there was theological reflection group meeting of my group in our Xaverian house. Once again now together with Petrus and Dharmawan, I watched the video of Petrus’ ordination then at 10 p.m. I wrote my journal on Pope John XXIII.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005. In the morning from 8.30 to 10 a.m. I met my formator, Father Rocco to have colloquium, personal formation. In the class of spirituality in a new millennium, there were director of L’Arche community in Chicago, a Presbyterian woman priest, named Deb and one of the members of this community, Catherinne. They shared about Jean Vanier from France, who founded this community for mentally disabled people (I shared this journal in the below of this journal). Today I didn’t feel well, I got symptoms of influenza. At night I typed my final paper on Bonhoeffer.

Thursday, April 28, 2005. In the afternoon I cooked for my community, a kind of beef soup (‘sup buntut’, but we didn’t have ‘buntut’ so I just put beef), and salad with peanut dressing (gado-gado), plus rice. From 7.30 p.m. to 9 p.m. we had community meeting. I still felt not well because of flu but I still did a reflection on Saint Catherine of Siena.

Friday, April 29, 2005. In the morning Mass I shared my reflection on Saint Catherine of Siena that I have learned in a spirituality course last summer 2004 with the professor from Gregoriana University in Rome-Italy, named Donna Orsuto. I cleaned the third floor and transferred some pictures of my digital camera and sent them via e-mail to my penpals. In the afternoon after taking rest, I typed my journal of millennium spirituality about Jean Vanier. In the evening I was typing this journal and my other papers.

Saturday, April 30, 2005. The whole day I kept stay at home, doing my Ethic paper on Dorothy Day and cleaning up the basement after having supper. From my penpal in Bogor-Indonesia I got a new website offers a sort of free of charge personal blog, namely, http://multiply.com in which I could put and transfer my photo albums as well; mine is http://acdw74.multiply.com

Sunday, May 01, 2005. After morning prayer personally at my room and attending Mass at Saint Thomas at 8 o’clock, I was doing my paper on second journal of millennium spirituality class and printed it out as well as my first Ethic paper on Dorothy Day after desperately I lost my document of it (6 pages) but luckily I could handle it. I still have two more weeks to finish my three other paper and I will do little by little but sure I am going to finish them on due times.

25 April 2005
Pope John XXIII (1881-1963)

A lot of virtues and extraordinary examples I can draw from the precious life of John XXIII (Cardinal Roncalli). He was born in Northern Italy, close to Bergamo and in age 14 he started his life in a seminary. Since then he had accustomed to write his journal. His experience as a chaplain in World War I, I guess had deep influence in his spiritual journey. In 1921, he worked at Propagation of Faith in Rome and he already thought about vernacular in liturgy and encouraged practice it. He is patron of diplomat. He was elected as pope after 11 ballots, in 1958 to 1963. He convoked the Second Vatican Council in October 1962 and on June 3, 1963, he passed away. His encyclicals such as Mater et Magistra and Pacem in Terris are still relevant in our modern life especially in promoting peace in the world. The simple life, humor, deep prayer in personal encounter with Jesus before the cross are beautiful examples I can follow. His spirit to renew the church in ecumenism, relationship with Jewish and other religions, and aggiornamento opened great renewal of Catholic Church into a modern world revolutionary. His collaborative manner with others as well as his visionary beyond ordinary life are remarkable example in doing ministry of the Church facing new challenges in modern world. In term of millennium spirituality, I think his integral life is already a great contribution to our world witnessing God’s love and compassion especially in his good will to embrace otherness in order to gain peace and justice in the world.

For myself personally, I am very impressed in his perseverance since he’s young in doing his journal, prayer and his trust to others fully, and his image to see God as a mother in which he approached as a child draw me to my own spirituality and my daily activity in similar ways. His motto was “Obedience and Peace” inviting me to do my own spirituality, to do everything in God’s will and spirit through my superior in congregation and church so that I can achieve peace in my own heart and mind. In the song that Gabriel Bentil sang with guitar in his presentation of this figure, depicted a spirituality of renewal, renewal of myself day-to-day. “Look out your window, see what you can see, silence is broken by opening your door, look out your window, see if you can see, all the world’s of lie you’ve never seen before.” The humor that Gabriel mentioned, close to John’s bed, it’s written, “Dear God, this is your church, I’m going to bed. John.” It also invites me to have spirituality of ‘let go’, surrender and give up to God, not too much thinking that I have to do this and that, but slowly and surely, just believe in God’s spirit who will accomplish what I have planned and whatever it will be, just let God give the final result and not to be proud of myself who do it, instead happy that God has fulfilled it. “We are worthless slaves; we have done only what we ought to have done” (Luke 17:10).

27 April 2005
Jean Vanier (1928-
I knew the community of L’Arche from a reading book of Henry Nouwen in which he spent his last life years at this community in Canada. My first impression was that this community has very deep vision and mission in putting together many different people in one roof and they live together as brothers and sisters. I am very impressed with Nouwen who had talent in intellect, knowledge, wisdom and fame as author, professor and spiritualist, but he devoted his last stage of life with this community, the community of love in which the mission of this community is to provide ecumenical, innovative and permanent living experiences for people with disabilities all around the world. L’Arche which has meaning the ark, it means HOME as well, has profound meaning for many ‘poor’ people. Jean points out the meaning of ‘poor’ here is those “who are gifted precisely at the place where we’re not gifted; in other words, every member of community is a leader at the point of his or her gift and every member is a follower at the point of the gift of the other person. Every member of community is gifted. The person who has a mental disability may not be the one to develop the structure for governance, but that person may be deeply gifted to help us become unified and to call us to be attentive to our need for loving relationship.” As I read on articles of Jean Vanier, the founder of L’Arche (a France) and another article entitled The Spirit of L’Arche, as well as listening to two members of L’Arche Community in Chicago, namely, Deb and Christinne in the class of Spirituality in a New Millennium on April 27, I came to realize that this community has improved worldwide in more than 130 communities in 30 countries since 40 years.

According to Nathan Ball, the challenge of L’Arche community is “to bridge the gap between weak and strong, rich and poor, in order to build a more peaceful and just world. And part of the answer is to enter into relationship with people who are different from us, with the conviction that they have as much to give to us as we to them.” I do agree to this statement that I have experienced and witnessed some religious congregations work as bridge donations of generous people to the needy. I heard once from a Daughter of Charity Sister in a fishermen slum area in the Northern Jakarta, saying that many rich people want to donate their gifts to help the needy but they do not know to whom they can give accountably and she is convinced that the work of her congregation is a sort of divine providence in which many rich people reach out and come to give their treasure to this institution in order to help the needy. It happens as well to Good Shepherd sisters in Jakarta where every year in rainy season, their school and convent become depository of food and clothes to help surrounding people who suffer of annual flood. I could see here that many generous people trust to these religious institutions to share their gifts to the needy ones. I witnessed how the gifts came incessantly during the flood time and saw many poor people stayed in tents in front of the school and convent. I think this is very proper in our millennium spirituality, to be bridge between poor and rich, to be a channel of peace toward better world. Our world still has many problems on this area so every one is called to be bridge in their and our own capacities as much as we can. In my own spirituality, I think to be a bridge between others is a marvelous thing. If I know somebody who has capacity to help my friend who needs help, for sure I will connect both friends so that they can help each other. It drives me willingness to help them and I can have peace and happiness in my own heart. It can be both small and big things. I remember, “Happiness is not fulfilled if it is not shared.”

I learned a lot about how to live in a community with its dynamics both ups and downs after reading Jean Vanier. Community can be a marvelous place as well as terrible place. “When the members of a community realize that they are not there simply for themselves or their own sanctification, but to welcome the gift of God, to hasten His kingdom and to quench the thirst in parched hearts, that they will truly live community. A community must be a light in a world of darkness, a spring of fresh water in the church and for all men.” In another part it mentions that “community life brings a painful revelation of our limitations, weaknesses and darkness; the unexpected discovery of the monsters within us is hard to accept. But, if we accept that the monsters are there, we can let them out and learn to tame them. That is growth towards liberation.” The essence of community is sense of belonging. I was formed by this word in my pre-novitiate house where my formator repeatedly saying this word “sense of belonging” that eventually I could see what is the meaning of it in the midst of my confreres who have different characters and perspectives. To end this reflection, I am very pleasure to know this statement that invites me to live it out, “To love, we must die continually to our own ideas, our own susceptibilities and our own comfort. Thee path of love is woven of sacrifice.” Then I remember my lovely verse in the Gospel of Luke, “Whoever wants to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23).


LOVE IN CATHERINE OF SIENA (1347-1380)

INTRODUCTION

Reading on Catherine of Siena, Passion for the Truth, Compassion for Humanity written by Mary O’Driscoll, O.P. invites me to see and ponder a special theme, which is always recurred, namely, love. The word ‘love’ that Catherine wrote recurred often times on her writings especially on her letters. Reading on the content of this book, I can see that the word ‘love’ is included in subtitle of three different categories of her writings. On Letters, there are four subtitles that use the word ‘love’, namely, Love Others Tenderly (p.27), Behave Like a Person in Love (p.31), Renew the Church with Love (p.44), and The Special Faith and Love of Friendship (p.48). On Prayers, there are two subtitles, namely, Moved By Love You Sent Us Your Son (p.56) and You Have Shown Us Love in Your Blood (p.82). Finally on The Dialogue, there are three, namely, Overwhelming Love (p.88), Love of Neighbor (p.116) and Drink Your Neighbor’s Love in God (p.117).

Love on the Letters

On the letter to the new pope, Urban VI, Catherine reminds him to be a good shepherd who lay down his life for the sheep and avoid an attitude of self-centered. She boldly suggests to him to reform and renew the leaderships in theChurch toward a better care of the flocks in a mutual cooperation in the ministry. Catherine also has a real and compassionate suggestion to the pope regarding the sick and poor fellow, “Be content to take from the sick only as much as they can give. O dear, o dear, have pity on so many souls that are perishing…” (p.45).

Even though the situation of the Church was very delicate but Catherine still had a hope for whole Church as mystical body of Christ with virtue of charity. “As long as we are pilgrims and strangers in this life, we can grow in the perfection of charity” (p.46). She was not only suggesting many good things to the pope but she also did wonderful and perseverance work in her ministry to God’s people both in contemplative/prayer life and social ministry among the needy ones. “For my part, I shall continue until I die to work by prayer and by every other means for the honor of God and for your peace and that of your children” (p.46). With courteousness in a polite way, she ended her letter with begging forgiveness of her presumption before the pope whom she respected, which is love and sorrow to be her excuse (p.46).

In order to have an infinite love, we should drink water from a vessel in the fountain as Catherine wrote in Drink Your Neighbor’s Love in God (p.117-118). This love should be given to others without any self-interest. She explains the God’s love is much bigger than we have so that we should reply the same love to God. We could not reply this love to God directly but to our neighbors so that what we do for them we do for God (Matthew 25:40). We tend to practice the imperfect love of others. There is a sign when we have this imperfect love, that is, we are distressful when others do not reply our love. It is obviously a conditional love that we always have in this world. We should be honest regarding this matter that our love to God and others never perfect in the reality. All of these happen because of our spiritual selfishness and we could overcome it with know ourselves that we are such imperfect human in love.

CONCLUSION

God as the source of all virtues gives us goodness as child charity such as love, patience, perseverance, joy, peace, meekness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5: 22-23). As Catherine had these qualities of love in her relationships to God and others, do I try them in such a way that I do my best toward others gratuitously and unconditionally? If I have them in my life, do I satisfy and proud of myself without trying to share them to others? The virtues are gifts from God that I should practice in daily life fervently. With these virtues, I should be careful not to judge others especially my confreres in my religious life who are also the servants of God. As a human being I have weaknesses to talk about others in negative way. In order to be a good confrere, supporting each other in the spirit of love, I should be attentive when I talk about others at least I should speak in truth and a balance way, not merely negative sides. Do I let others speak ill about others? Am I happy to hear the badness of others? If I have a true lovely heart, I will feel bad if my confreres are condemned. In the spirit of fraternity among my confreres, my pure love will be tested in my relationship with others. Indeed it is difficult not to talk about others especially in their shortages because I have tendency and ego to be good and OK among the others. To avoid this weakness I should remember a golden rule, namely, I should do to others what the others should do for me. If I do the bad things to others, it means I should not complain if the others would do so to me.

Catherine was a woman with a high hope in the midst of desperation and difficulty in her era. She could bring hope to others who felt terrible discouragement even she could try to make peace between people or groups in the enmity and vengeance. In the world recently that is full of violence and harmfulness, it seems that we have no hope to bring peace and solution. The situation seems more horrible day-bay-day as we see and listen to the mass media. What can I do for this duty to be ambassador of love and peace? Are these virtues still relevant in our world? Not to neglect the macro situation, I should pay attention to my own relationship among my confreres in my religious community. Do I bring peace among my confreres and try to be peacemaker if there is hatred? My experience living in an international community draws me to be authentic in such a way that I can be vulnerable as same as the others. When there is misunderstanding to others, I bring it to my prayer before God and ask pardon for others who have hurt me. When there is a dissent among my confreres, I can feel unhappiness and sorry deeply; then I try to see a possibility to make reconciliation among them. It is not easy thing because I tend to think that it is not my business so I do not have to be busy with other’s problem and let them keep going in their own way. But, I still have a compassionate heart that urges me to see a chance to talk to them to make peace and reconciliation. I convince with the prayer of Saint Francis of Asisi: if there is hatred let me bring peace.

The humility of Catherine before God in her prayers invites me to see my weaknesses in the eye of God and not to be proud and OK of myself and I have done so far. Even though she had an intimate relationship with God, but she still felt sin against God and begged pardon and mercy on God. What I feel before God in my prayer and my monthly confession? Do I still have a conversion in my life or I have been satisfied and OK without need to be closer and honest with God and myself?

To see and ponder the overwhelming of God’s love, do I still have a haughty heart in front of the others? If God is loving-kindness to me personally, what should I do to be aware of it and use this grace to love others in the same way as Godself? Facing the fascinated love of God, I should not complain and beg other things that are not important in my life. Just to know your love it is just enough. Your grace, O God is enough for me.

It is difficult to be perfect lover who always fulfill other’s needs. In my experience to be a servant of God among the others, I always have a weaknesses and shortages. It is healthy if I am not perfect man. Because God has created many good things in God’s creation, so I will fulfill my goodness with share each other in God’s love. I realize that my love to others is not perfect; that is why I should be real and humble to serve others and receive other’s love. O God, help me to know myself in better way and overcome my spiritual selfishness with your perfect love that I never achieve it but add day-by-day your love in my fragile body and soul to serve and love your beloved human beings in a certain way. With my imperfect love, O God, you always be closer to me to purify my love in your perfect love in this world and the world to come. Amen.

MY END WORDS

I am very grateful to have the class entitled the Women at the Well: Witness To Contemplative Living with the professor Dr. Donna Orsuto from Rome, Italy, from 21-25 June 2004 at CTU, room 214. Even though there are only two male persons in this class (Brother John and I) and 11 female ones including the professor, I am glad and blessed among the women whom concern about spirituality of women doctors of the Church. It enriches my knowledge and understanding of the Church treasure in spiritual life. Studying the four women of the Church (Catherine of Siena, Julian Norwich, Therese of Avila and Terese of Lisieux) only in five days seems not enough and very little, but I believe the wisdom I get from this class and the spirituality of lay people especially the professor in her wide and rich experience and most of the old lay women in the class contribute a new perspective of my thinking.

In my Xaverian Constitution Number 42: “Our Founder defined a missioner as a man of action in constant union with Christ, in whom he continually finds inspiration. We ask the Lord for that spirit of prayer which is able to transform our work in to continual oration and provide for our sanctification through the very exercise of our apostolic ministry.” And Number 43: “Prayer is the principal activity of the missioner. It strengthens his faithfulness and sustains his apostolic commitment.” I end up my reflection with a question: How could I implement my relationship with God in my contemplative life in my missionary vocation among people of God to whom I meet and minister?


1) Hari Minggu Paskah Ke-6, 01 Mei 2005

Senin, 25 April 2005. Mulai hari ini Petrus sebagai diakon baru di komunitas kami merayakan misa bersama-sama secara konselebrasi dengan pastor lain. Dalam kuliah spiritualitas millennium, Gabriel Bentil mempresentasikan hasil studinya tentang Paus Yohanes XXIII. Setelah makan malam saya mentransfer video yang saya ambil dalam acara perayaan tahbisan diakonat Petrus kemarin dari handycam ke video VHD, selama tiga jam.

Selasa, 26 April 2005. Pagi hari ini di rumah Xaverian saya mengadakan refleksi teologi kelompok saya. Sekali lagi di sore hari setelah makan malam saya bersama Petrus dan Dharmawan menonton video tahbisan diakonat Petrus hingga pukul 10 malam. Malam harinya saya menulis jurnal tentang Paus Yohanes XXXIII.

Rabu, 27 April 2005. Di pagi hari dari jam 8.30 hingga 10 saya bertemu pribadi dengan formator saya, Pastor Rocco untuk pembinaan pribadi (colloquium). Dalam kuliah spiritualitas millennium, ada dua tamu yaitu direktor dari komunitas L’Arche di Chicago, seorang imam wanita dari Gereja Presbyterian bernama Deb dan seorang anggota komunitas ini yaitu Catherinne. Mereka mensharingkan tentang Jean Vanier dari Prancis, pendiri komunitas L’Arche untuk para cacad mental (saya membagikan jurnal tentang hal ini di edisi bahasa Inggris di atas). Hari ini saya tidak merasa enak badan, saya mendapat gejala-gejala influenza. Malam hari saya menulis paper akhir saya tentang Bonhoeffer.

Kamis, 28 April 2005. Di sore hari saya memasak untuk komunitas saya yaitu sup buntut tapi karena nggak ada buntut maka hanya pakai daging sapi yang ada saja, dan gado-gado plus nasi. Dari jam 7.30 hingga 9 malam kami mengadakan rapat komunitas. Saya mash merasa tidak enak badan namun saya masih mengerjakan refleksi tentang Santa Cahterine dari Siena.

Jumat, 29 April 2005. Pagi hari dalam misa saya membagikan refleksi tentang Santa Catherine dari Siena yang telah saya pelajari dalam kuliah musim panas 2004 lalu dengan dosen dari Universitas Gregoriana di Roma, Italia bernama Donna Orsuto. Saya membersihkan lantai tiga dan mentransfer photo-photo saya dari kamera digital ke shutterly.com saya lalu mengirimkannya kepada para sahabat pena lewat e-mail. Di sore hari setelah istirahat sejenak, saya mengetik jurnal tentang Jean Vanier. Di malam hari saya mengetik jurnal ini sebagi pelajaran ketekunan dan paper yang lain yang masih harus diselesaikan dalam jangka dua setengah minggu ke depan.

Sabtu, 30 April 2005. Sepanjang hari ini saya hanya tinggal di rumah saja, mengerjakan paper pertama matakuliah etika tentang Dorothy Day dan membersihkan basement setelah makan malam. Dari informasi sahabat pena lewat Internet saya berasal dari Bogor saya mendapatkan sebuah website baru menawarkan semacam blog pribadi gratis, yaitu http://multiply.com di mana saya juga dapat menempatkan dan mentransfer album photo saya dari shutterfly.com; alamat saya adalah http://acdw74.multiply.com

Minggu, 01 Mei 2005. Setelah doa pagi brevir secara pribadi di kamar saya mengikuti misa pagi di Santo Thomas pukul 8, lalu saya mengerjakan paper jurnal kedua kuliah spiritualitas millennium dan mencetaknya demikian pula paper pertama matakuliah Etika saya tentang Dorothy Day dan Catholic Worker Movement setelah mengalami kekalutan kehilangan dokumen saya di disket (6 halaman) namun untunglah saya dapat mengatasinya segera. Saya masih punya waktu dua minggu untuk merampungkan sekitar tiga paper dan saya akan mengerjakan perlahan-lahan namun pasti saya mampu menyelesaikan pada saatnya nanti.