surat ke-3 bulan Mei 2005

3) Pentecost Sunday, May 15, 2005

Monday, May 09, 2005. In the morning I fulfilled the requirement of my millennium spirituality professor to spend time to be silent. In my own room I did it then I wrote a reflection I wrote on the below. In the afternoon from 1 p.m. to 3.45 p.m. I attended the last class of Development of Mission Theology with Anthony Gittins as the professor. At night I worked on my paper of this class with the topic on Interreligious Dialogue.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005. In the morning I had theological reflection group last meeting at SVD’s house. At noon I attended ethic’s class and I submitted both of my paper to the professor, John Pawlikowski. I was reading attentively a letter from the Xaverian General Direction for the U.S. province that cost me couldn’t rest well this afternoon. At night I worked again on my last paper on interreligious dialogue.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005. At noon I had the last class of millennium spirituality with the professor, Paul LaChance, OFM in which we were doing ritual closing prayer. I submitted my final paper on Dietrich Bonhoeffer. After arriving home, I cooked for my community: salad with peanut dressing (gado-gado) and mash potatoes.

Thursday, May 12, 2005. In the morning I prepared presentation for my ethic class then I did it at noon, the last class of spirituality, liturgy and quest for justice, with the professor John Pawlikowski. I presented about Dietrich Bonhoeffer as I did in millennium spirituality. In the evening from 7.30 p.m. to 9.30 p.m. we had community meeting with agenda: evaluation at the end of academic year 2004/2005 and our personal response regarding to General Direction’s letter.

Friday, May 13, 2005. In the morning Mass I shared the homily that I wrote on the below. The whole morning I was doing my final paper on interreligious dialogue. From 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. we had community retreat at the house led by Father Pascal with the topic on reflecting General Direction’s letter of October 2004 entitled “The Lord couldn’t have been more generous with us” (Testament Letter 1).

Saturday, May 14, 2005. Today I remained stay at house to do my final paper of Gittin’s class and did laundry. At 11 p.m. at our chapel, Father Victor led the Vigil Pentecost prayer with adoration to the Blessed Sacrament and beside our community members it was attended by two Indonesian friends, namely, Nick and Nita. It’s the first time I celebrated vigil Pentecost and normally I used to have Novena of Pentecost in Indonesia.

Sunday, May 15, 2005. In the morning we headed to Saint Therese Church in Chinatown to celebrate Pentecost Mass presided by Father Michael and at the same time we had installment of lector or reader for three of our Xaverian students, namely, Ignas, Dharmawan and Pascal Atumisi and installment of acolyte that was me. It was held simply and solemnly in the hand of Father Michael Davitti, sx and two deacons, Petrus, sx and Paul, svd. I had a chance to be first reader at the Mass and the Eucharistic minister to share the body of Christ to congregations. At 2 p.m. I rode my bike to LSTC and by shuttle bus, I headed to Rockefeller Memorial Chapel at the area of University of Chicago to attend the graduation of Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago which started at 2.30 p.m. There were two of my classmates celebrating this commencement, namely, Melissa and Amy who will be ordained soon as pastors at Lutheran Church in the USA. They were at my class of Development of Mission theology at CTU this semester and invited us to attend their graduation. It seems that only me from CTU who answer their cordial invitation beside another CTU student named Jose who has another classmate of LSTC. It was interesting to attend this service that was a Mass celebration together with this graduation. They name it as Holy Communion and Commencement, 145th Academic Year of the LSTC. The sermon given by William Lazareth, one of the world’s foremost Lutheran theologians, mentioning about the Pope John Paul II whom he honors as great shepherd and he compared with Lutheran’s ordained ministers in his Lutheran theological point of view. Overall, it was great experience to know Lutheran liturgy that is very similar with Roman Catholic Church. They also celebrated Sunday Pentecost with the priests both male and female wearing red chasuble. It lasted at 5.10 p.m. and I had chance to congratulate both of my friends, Melissa and Amy and took picture with them.

In the supper, there was a guest named “Zurdo”, a former Xaverian student from Mexico who now lives in Detroit-USA with his own parents. I remembered that I ever had correspondence via e-mail with him (probably in 2001) when I was still at the philosophy house in Jakarta and he recognized me.

SILENCE
This morning, on Monday, May 9, 2005, I was laying down on the floor of my own room, trying to keep silent and pay attention to it. As I was doing it, I became aware of my surrounding, such as the twittering and chirping of several birds out of the window I can hear, the sound of bus stopped by on the street, the sound of my body especially my stomach and the feeling of little bit cold on my skin. Beside that, my mind was revolving around my paper I should finish at the end of this week or my chatting with my friends both in English and Indonesian, even in my native language, Javanese. It is a sort of relaxation exercise to enhance my energy in order to be fresh in mind, body and spirit to do my activity including typing this reflection.

The word “silence” has a very meaning of myself as a human being who live most of the time alone in my room in my sleeping, resting, studying, reflecting my daily life and typing this reflection. If I do not have a silent space and time, most likely I could not concentrate and draw some reflections of my life especially a dialogue with my heart and mind and later on inspiration of God through the Holy Spirit. I was coming from a safe silence womb of my mother and born in the chaotic and hectic world that sometimes make me lonely. Even though I live in the busy world, but most of my time I spend in the silence such as doing this paper, without music and just typing based on my experience and the stream of my mind and inspiration flowing on. In the silence also I can see my ral self in before God in order to see my weaknesses, my hope in the future, my past experience, my relation with my family and my Xaverian confreres and with God alone. In the silence I could hear the voice of God implemented in my body, mind, feeling and wish. So, I do agree that silence is important part of the communication both with myself, with God and with other people with whom I communicate. If I do not have this skill, most likely I will have misunderstanding and conflict with my own self, with God and with others because I emphasize on my own narrow mind, will and ambition.

To be silent means to obey. Obedience comes from Latin word “obediere” that means listen to. So to be silent means to obey the Word of God and to do God’s will with listening to God’s voice through my heart’s voice, my pure heart’s aspiration in which God speaks both clearly and sometimes unclearly. That is why I should make a discernment to decide and do what is the best according to God’s will. It is a life long process, because I face a lot of choices in front of me, which I have to choose on and live it out consequently both in small and big things. In this process of discernment, I should listen and obey then cooperate with the Holy Spirit who speaks through many signs. I should over and over again checking this voice that often times I easily neglect it. Through SILENCE in special time and space, I believe, this process of discernment should be built as my custom in my daily spirituality.

TO LOVE IS TO SEE, TO MAKE ONE BE AWARE AND TO CREATE

Once upon a time there is a story about a boy who killed both of his parents, his father and his mother. Since he’s too young to be put into jail, because he’s just 10 years old, so he’s sent to Boys’ town in which Father Flaneken was. Before this boy met Father Flaneken, he said in his own heart, “If he says, ‘I love’, I will kill him also.” “Who are you?” said Father Flaneken to this boy. He said, “I’m Dave.” “O, Dave, I have heard of you, welcome to our home. Henry, please show Dave to his room and introduce our facilities.” This boy was feeling very welcomed to this new environment and he said optimistically, “I was accepted by them and it seems that they say to me: ‘Dave, you’re a good boy.” “I was created as a good boy.” Is there more beautiful than to see positive things on others? “What’s your secret to change these boys?” asked someone to Father Flaneken. But, he said, “I don’t have any secret.” But, actually there is written on the gate of this house, “There is no such thing as a bad boy.” So, Dave is to be lifted up to be aware of his good potential things and Father Flaneken created him as a good boy.

In the Gospel, Jesus says to Simon Peter, “You are Simon, you’ll be called rock, you cannot be shaken…” But, actually, we know from the Gospel that Peter is such a person who always afraid easily facing problems, even he denied Jesus three times. Simon Peter is not rock but he’s “lempung katokan” (in Javanese means: clay that is wearing jeans pants), very easy to be broken, to be punched and fall down. But, Jesus sees in Peter good potential things. Jesus made Simon Peter to be aware, created him as a rock and Jesus built his Church on this rock. Jesus sees good and positive things in Peter, Jesus made him aware and Jesus created him became rock as foundation of our church.
In the retreat of CHOICE that I participated almost 11 years ago in Jakarta, I am impressed with its motto: “To know, to love, and to serve is the most beautiful in my life.” Both of these mottos we could apply in our own community here, in the religious life. As we live together as brothers in the same spirituality of Blessed Guido Maria Conforti as Xaverians, we should know each other by living together, then we try to love each other with our own uniqueness then we try to serve each other as best as we can. So that what Jesus did to Peter also will be implemented in our community, namely, we see good things in our brothers, we make aware of others and we create harmony in our common life. So that we will not fall into criticizing others only based on their defects and I believe that to love and to be loved as human being is the most meaningful in our life.

REFLECTION on the Friday retreat

First time I decided to enter Xaverian seminary, I said to myself, “If I would not be accepted into Xaverians, I will try to apply to other congregation or diocese, because my main goal at that time was I want to become a priest. Finally, after having test and interview I was accepted to the Xaverians. As I was walking in this vocation journey, I came to realize gradually that my vocation in the initial formation is not becoming a priest, but I was prepared to be a religious with a special formation in pre-novitiate and novitiate in Bintaro-Jakarta for two years then I professed my first vows (mission, poverty, obedience and chastity). So, the first step of my formation is I have to embrace a style of religious life then I live out a missionary vocation toward missionary priesthood in which I am directed to achieve it in the next two years. These three identities, namely, religious, missionary and priesthood are ideally integrated and united in my vocation journey that I am called to be.

In my initial formation, my master of novice often times reminded us of five pillars of our vocation life in the Xaverians that was emphasized by our General Direction. They are sacrament of the Eucharist, sacrament of reconciliation, lectio divina, spiritual direction and breviary prayer. The more I come to the last stage of my formation toward missionary priesthood, I come to be aware that my personal conviction on these five pillars are examined personally by my own commitment to faithfully practice them. The normal tendency in the situation of personal freedom in my experience living in Chicago is to neglect them. My faithfulness to my vocation life can be measured by the perseverance and wholehearted intention to practice these pillars. I always remember one statement of my cousin, who is a Franciscan nun in Pati-Indonesia, saying, “In my own experience, a priest who is faithful in their daily prayer and spirituality, most likely they will stand firm on their journey of vocation life and vice versa.”

I am impressed by the statement of Father John Cyzinski, SCJ who led us on the annual retreat in the beginning of 2005, saying, “Try to see in yourself and apply: I will not be myself, I will not be Denny like now if I’m not in the Xaverian Missionaries.” One Indonesian Xaverian priest named Anton Wahyudianto, SX in 1996 (when I was in pre-novitiate) before he left for London to studying English ever said, “In my dictionary, there is no such a word “leaving” Xaverians, like what my other classmates did as trend.” These witnesses strengthen me to continue my journey of this precious vocation that I also do believe that “Lord would not have been more generous with me” because I am really grateful for a lot of graces I have received in my journey in this vocation, in my beloved Xaverians family regardless my own grievances and others’ complaint. Too many graces and privileges I have received that I have to return them back with my perseverance and my whole life.

3) Hari Minggu Pentekosta, 15 Mei 2005

Senin, 09 Mei 2005. Pagi ini saya memenuhi PR dari dosen saya dalam matakuliah spiritualitas milenium, yaitu saya menyempatkan waktu dalam keheningan di kamar saya sendiri. Saya melakukan hal ini di kamar saya sendiri lalu menuliskan refleksi akan keheningan yang saya tuliskan dalam versi bhs Inggris di atas. Di sore hari dari jam 1 hingga 3.45 saya menghadiri kuliah terakhir dalam matakuliah Perkembangan Teologi Misi yang diberikan oleh dosen: Pastor Anthony Gittins. Malam harinya saya mengerjakan paper saya dalam matakuliah Gittins ini bertemakan Dialog Antaragama.

Selasa, 10 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saya menghadiri pertemuan terakhir dalam kelompok refleksi teologi di rumah SVD. Siang hari saya mengikuti kuliah etika dan mengumpulkan dua paper saya ke dosen, John Pawlikowski. Saya membaca dengan penuh perhatian sebuah surat dari Direksi General Xaverian untuk provinsi SX di USA yang membuat saya tidak bisa istirahat dengan tenang di sore hari. Malam hari saya mengerjakan paper akhir saya dialog antaragama.

Rabu, 11 Mei 2005. Siang hari saya mengikuti kuliah terakhir spiritualitas milenium baru yang dosennya adalah Paul LaChance, OFM di mana kami mengadakan acara penutupan dengan ritual khusus. Saya mengumpulkan paper akhir saya dalam kuliah ini dengan topik Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Setelah tiba di rumah, saya memasak untuk komunitas yaitu gado-gado dan bubur kentang.

Kamis, 12 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saya mempersiapkan bahan presentasi saya untuk matakuliah Etika yang saya presentasikan di siang hari yaitu bertemakan Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Di malam hari dari jam 7.30 hingga 9.30 kami mengadakan rapat komunitas dengan agenda yaitu evaluasi akhir tahun ajaran 2004/2005 dan tanggapan pribadi atas surat Direksi General SX untuk provinsi SX di USA.

Jumat, 13 Mei 2005. Pagi hari saya berkhotbah dalam misa yang saya tuliskan juga di versi bhs. Inggris di atas. Sepanjang pagi hari ini saya mengerjakan paper akhir saya, dialog antaragama. Dari jam 3 hingga 6 sore kami mengadakan rekoleksi komunitas di rumah kami sendiri yang dibawakan oleh Pastor Pascal, SX dengan tema surat dari Direksi General SX, bulan Oktober 2004 yang berjudul “Tuhan tidak akan lebih bermurah hati lagi terhadap kita.” (Surat Wasiat Pendiri SX no.1).

Sabtu, 14 Mei 2005. Sepanjang hari ini saya tinggal di rumah saja mengerjakan paper akhir kuliah Gittin serta cuci-seterika baju seperti biasa. Pukul 11 malam di kapel kami, Pastor Victor memimpin perayaan malam Pentekosta dengan adorasi sembah sujud di hadapan Sakramen Maha Kudus hingga jam 12 malam yang dihadiri disamping anggota komunitas kami juga dua teman Indonesia yaitu Nick dan Nita. Ini adalah kali pertama saya merayakan malam Pentekosta yang biasanya di Indonesia saya merayakan Novena Pentekosta.

Minggu, 15 Mei 2005. Di pagi hari kami pergi ke Gereja Santa Theresia di Chinatown untuk merayakan Minggu Pentekosta yang dipimpin oleh Pastor Michael dan pada misa ini juga kami merayakan pelantikan lektor tiga frater Xaverian yaitu Ignas, Dharmawan dan Pascal Atumisi dan juga pelantikan akolit untuk saya. Acara ini dirayakan secara sederhana dan penuh khidmat di tangan Pastor Michael Davitti, sx dan dua diakon pendamping yaitu Petrus, sx dan Paul, svd. Saya mendapat kesempatan menjadi lektor bacaan pertama dan pembagi komuni kudus dalam misa ini. Pukul 2 siang saya naik sepeda pergi ke Lutheran School of Theology di Chicago dan dengan shuttle bus yang sudah disediakan saya ikut pergi ke Rockefeller Memorial Chapel di daerah Universitas Chicago untuk menghadiri acara wisuda para mahasiswa LSTC yang dimulai pukul 2.30 sore hari. Ada dua teman kelas saya ikut wisuda yaitu Melissa dan Amy yang akan segera ditahbiskan jadi pastor di gereja Lutheran di USA ini. Mereka adalah teman kelas saya dalam matakuliah Perkembangan Teologi Misi yang diberikan oleh dosen CTU, Pastor Anthony Gittins, CSSp. Mereka mengundang kami semua untuk hadir dalam acara wisuda mereka. Sejauh pengamatan saya yang datang dari CTU hanya saya sendiri dan juga seorang mahasiswa CTU lain bernama Jose yang juga turut gembira merayakan wisuda teman sekelasnya dari LSTC. Perayaan ini bagi saya cukup menarik karena acara wisuda digabung dengan acara misa kudus gaya gerja Lutheran. Mereka menamai acara ini sebagai Komuni Kudus dan Wisuda/kelulusan, tahun akademik LSTC ke 145. Khotbah dalam acara ini diberikan oleh William Lazareth, seorang teolog kenamaan dari gereja Lutheran, yang menyebutkan dalam khotbahnya tentang Paus Yohanes Paulus II yang ia hormati sebagai gembala agung dan ia bandingkan dengan para pelayan tertahbis pria dan wanita dalam perspektif gereja Lutheran. Secara keseluruhan, acara ini merupakan pengalaman bagus buat saya dapat mengetahui tata cara liturgi gereja Lutheran yang sangat mirip sekali dengan tata cara liturgi Gereja Katolik Roma, mereka juga merayakan hari Pentekosta dengan pastor pria dan wanita pakai kasula warna merah. Acara ini berakhir pukul 5.10 sore dan saya sempat mengucapkan selamat kepada teman saya, Melissa dan Amy dan berfoto bersama mereka untuk kenang-kenangan.

Saat makan malam, ada seorang tamu bernama “Zurdo”, seorang mantan frater Xaverian asal Mexico yang kini tinggal bersama orang tuanya di Detroit-USA. Saya ingat bahwa saya dulu pernah berkorespondensi dengan dia, saat saya berada di tingkat studi filsafat di Jakarta (kemungkinan tahun 2001) dan ia juga masih mengenal saya.