4th letter of November 2005

4) 1st Sunday of Advent, November 27, 2005

Monday, November 21, 2005.
Today is the special day for me because I have a group assignment of presiding class to present both rites of infant baptism and reception of a baptized Christian into full communion in the Eucharist/Mass. Fortunately in the morning there was no Amos class so that I could prepare myself for the presiding class. At 10.40 a.m. my group member, Joseph, a Holy Spiritan student, picked me up and we went to CTU. We arranged the 6th floor chapel of CTU for our practicum. We had time to rehearse the rites. Sharply at 1.30 p.m. the professor, Father Fragomeni came in to the chapel and we were about ready to begin. I was acting as a priest/presider, Joseph as a deacon who preached, Peter (an SVD deacon from China) as acolyte and Long Phi, svd as music minister (guitar). With the kindness and help of an Indonesian Catholic couple, namely, Darwin-Astrid plus their on year old son, Leonard, and Edi Liang, I could do this rites. I baptized Leonard and received Darwin into full communion of Catholic Church in this Mass. Overall the celebration that lasted 55 minutes was successfully running smoothly. Pascal Atumisi helped me tape this celebration with handycam. After having a break, we had evaluation of the celebration and the professor gave us praise and some suggestions. He gave us an A that made us happy as a group who has prepared it since a couple of weeks ago. There were some minor mistakes but not really significant to the general celebration. At 4 p.m. I invited Darwin-Astrid plus Leonard and Edy to have dinner at a Thai restaurant on 55th street. They gave me a ride to go home at Hyde Park, the Xaverian house. I am very satisfied by the result of today’s experience. What I have prepared with my group worked out very well done. My heartfelt gratitude to all of my group members and especially Darwin-Astrid who have come to my class and supported me in this presiding requirement with allowing Leonard, their son to be baptized. Thank you also to Edi who has been the godparent and sponsor.
I went home at 5.15 p.m. and joined the lectio divina in our community. At night I transferred the rite of infant baptism I did at CTU’s chapel into VHS tape so that I have memorable tape and I am going to share is as well to Darwin-Astrid.
At night I called up Paulus in the Xaverian philosophy Jakarta to ask him his final project. I congratulated him for his successful exam of his final thesis and keep pray for him to fulfill his test on December 5th for comprehensive exam. Good luck, Paul.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005.
In the morning I prepared the final paper of EMP class which due time on December 6th while I transferred my Indonesian Mass I did at Saint Therese Chinatown last Saturday and the infant baptism to VHS tapes. I am glad that finally I have done the big projects of presiding practicum, namely, three Masses that I have recorded in the VHS tape. It is important for me to review again when the priesthood ordination is going to happen in 2007 perhaps, so I will not forget how to preside the Mass. In the evening I attended EMP class in which there was a guest named Kathy Kelly (an Irish descent from Boston), whose rich experience dealing with social justice issue in practice. She has been traveling back and forth to Iraq for 26 times. She has experienced put into jailed for 60 times because of her hard voice of human rights. We had interesting class with her, not only theory but also simulation in creative ways.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005.
In the morning it’s snowing lightly but in the afternoon it disappeared. I attended Amos class in the morning and I did meet three professors to fulfill my assignment of practicing sacrament of reconciliation in my presiding class. First of all, I met Edmund Chia, then I met Father Paul LaChance, ofm in the cafeteria. I had plenty of time to do some annotated bibliography at the library for the presiding class and at 2 p.m. I met Father Ken O’Malley, cp to have the last confession. I was acting as a priest/confessor. I was struck by the action of Father O’Malley who was acting as a girl who confessed to me in a confession box with screen (part of the scenario). He directly speaking a lot of things without starting the sign of the cross….after he finished talking, I tried to explain that we missed the process of the confession, then suddenly he told me that he passed out/fainted. I couldn’t understand what he meant, but he was so kind explaining to me that it’s really happen in his own experience as a priest that a girl passed out in the box of confession, and I supposed to tell others who in line outside of the confession to help her. But, I didn’t really understand what’s going on until he told me this story. I didn’t need to repeat again but he is willing to write the evaluation. I’m glad of this new insight that I never heard and experienced, even in the class of presiding. I went home in the afternoon with happiness that I have done my three confession assignments.

Thursday, November 24, 2005.
Today is my birthday of 31st year and the fourth time I have in the U.S.A. It is coincided with the Thanksgiving Day in this country. What a beautiful and wonderful grace to be celebrated and remembered. We as community of the Xaverians at Hyde Park, went to Saint Therese Church for celebrating the Thanksgiving Day. We attended the Mass at 10 a.m. presided by Father Aniello and other Xaverian fathers. There were 11 Xaverian priests coming to this feast, from three different communities, namely, Saint Therese Chinatown, Franklin-Milwaukee and Hyde Park-Chicago. They are Fathers Michael, Aniello, Larry, Dominic, Adolph, Victor Moselle, Alfredo, Rocco, Victor Bongiovanni, Pascal and Willy. All 8 Xaverian students came as well (Alejandro, Denny, Ignatius, Dharmawan, Pascal, Harno, Valery and Francois). Father Michael and other volunteers cooked and prepared the food for this annual event. It is the first time I ever experienced the three Xaverian communities celebrating the Thanksgiving Day together. It’s a wonderful moment in fraternal togetherness as Xaverians that lasted shortly after the lunch. In the prayer before the meal, Father Michael led the prayer and mentioned the intention of my birthday.
Together with Dharmawan, I went to Edi-Lisa’s house and at 3 p.m. we went home at Hyde Park. In the evening again we’re invited to Edi-Lisa’s house to have dinner of SUSHI, Japanese food, made by two Indonesian couples (Edi-Lisa, Darwin-Astrid) plus Theresia. We went home at 10 p.m. while the weather was very cold.

Friday, November 25, 2005.
Today I did not go outside because the weather was very cold and in the evening the snow fell down adorning the white November season before Christmas. I enjoyed the day off and did little work on my paper of presiding class.

Saturday, November 26, 2005.
We had Mass still at 8 a.m. then had breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen. At 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. I met Father Rocco for personal formation (colloquium). I went to CTU to take a letter of the evaluation of the Sacrament of Reconciliation I did last Wednesday with one faculty member at CTU. The weather was very nice, much warmer than last days. While I came to CTU, I saw the five-floor CTU building is already put the glass windows. It’s pretty fast in building it. In the evening after the supper, I did a paper on the presiding class about My Self Understanding as a Minister of Reconciliation as I share at the end of this journal.

Sunday, November 27, 2005.
Today I woke up at 8 a.m. and we (Ignas, Dharmawan, Harno and Valery plus me) went to Saint Therese parish, Chinatown by car. I helped to serve at the Mass by distributing communion with Deacon Paul, svd. There’s no CCD/confirmation class today because of Thanksgiving holidays. At 11 a.m. there’s Mandarin Mass. From Darwin I got walkie-talkie that works very well. At 1 p.m. there’s Philippines-Italian wedding led by Father Michael at Saint Therese Church. At 3 to 4 p.m. I joined the meditation as usual guided by Father Michael then some of the parishioners gathered to plan the Chinese New Year celebration for next year. The weather was not that cold, around 46 degrees Fahrenheit and it’s just raining. I went home while the raining was stopped already. In the supper we celebrated my birthday (31). I got a blue shirt prepared by Pascal Atumisi. It’s been my 4th birthdays in the U.S.A. Afterward we (Father Rocco, Pascal Atumisi and I) met for liturgical team planning for tomorrow in a week.


Denny Wahyudi, S.X. (December 05, 2005)
Reflection on Presiding Class

MY SELF UNDERSTANDING AS A MINISTER OF RECONCILIATION

In my experience as a Catholic fellow, I have accustomed to come to the sacrament of reconciliation since I joined the Xaverian Missionaries in 1996 in Indonesia. The formators provided this internal forum for each one of us who were willing to confess our sins in monthly basis both in the novitiate and philosophy house. Before I entered the Xaverian, I was very seldom to come to this sacrament because I was hesitated and shy to confess my sins. After being a seminarian this spiritual practice slowly becomes my own habit even when I move to the U.S.A. for theology study. Even though here in the U.S.A. the formators normally do not provide priest for confession in monthly basis, but I have conviction that I should take care of this business by myself. I have self-conviction and self-confidence that if I do not keep this spiritual piety, I would not be a good confessor when I am being a priest someday. I have tried my best to go to Saint Peter Loop Church for this monthly personal spiritual act. After I take the presiding class this Fall Semester 2005 at CTU, I become aware of the ritual structure of the sacrament itself. Many times my professor, Father Fragomeni gave us examples how to be a good and effective confessor. I am glad that I know the ritual and memorize it by doing it in the practice with my friends. The more I practice it the more I get a custom to do it. Once I went to Saint Peter Loop Church, I learned of the priest who received my confession. The way he did the ritual reminded and led me to the ritual structure.
In my process toward priesthood, I have full conviction of the sacrament of reconciliation. It is simply that if I do not believe fully on this sacrament, why I should be a priest in the Roman Catholic Church. My conviction is that before I am really becoming a priest whose ministry of reconciliation, I should have a habit to go to confession. I experience how wonderful is the grace of this sacrament that I privilege to have as I do it monthly in the personal spiritual exercise. I was struck when I heard of one Canon Law professor at CTU who said that in his experience teaching at CTU, many seminarians who took his class had been long time did not go to the sacrament of reconciliation. He claimed that if one does not have a custom to go to confession, most likely one would not do a good job as a confessor. It is a rule of his that I do agree with. In the other source I have read mentions that the effective confessor is the one who likes to be a prayerful man. It is certainly making sense to me that a confessor should lead the confesee by his virtue and closeness to God. I have learned many times this rite by practice it in English but I do not know yet how to do it in Indonesian language. Probably, I will learn of this rite in Indonesian by reading the book of sacrament of reconciliation.
In my future ministry as a confessor, I should distinguish between sacrament, spiritual direction and spiritual counseling. I have some principles that I have to apply to this sacrament, such as, I have to be patient and full of compassion accepting others coming to the sacrament, to be a good listener, to be attentive to the case that a penitent tells to me, to be faithful to keep secret of the seal of confession, to be short in counseling after one confesses his/her sins, to be creative and helpful in giving the penance, to be aware of the time and place I give the confession, not to be rush or thinking many other things, to be meditative in serving this ministry, to see-hear-seek-love God in others who are willing to confess, to be aware that God is present in those people who come to the confession, to be humble before God and penitents with gentle voice and proper treatment, to have good desire and zeal to serve people who want to receive this sacrament that sometimes does not give a consolation or praise and reward of others because it is a hidden ministry that happens normally in a closed and screened box without knowing who come to the confession. I can say that if I fall into a laziness attitude to practice this ministry, most likely it is a sign that I do not love my vocation to be a priest any longer.
In my experience to do this sacrament of reconciliation as my professor assigns me to meet three other faculty members at CTU, I have done good jobs. In the beginning I have conviction knowing this rite very well and I was not nervous at all. I prepared a Scripture to read it at the confession (Romans 7: 14-25). In the first confession, I met a professor who gave me insight that I should give a penance heavier than only a prayer and good treatment toward the family of the penitent. I think it is a good input that I have to consider his/her proposal of doing the penance as my professor suggested at the presiding class. The second confession nicely I did in fully and complete structure. I was struck when the confesee told me that he is a priest and a professor at a seminary. But, luckily I could went through the ritual properly. The last one was really made me wondered and gave me insight to anticipate unexpected situation in a different setting of confession because he told me that it is a long line confession and he acted as a girl who was sick in breaking the law of God in keeping purity as a virgin, namely in the story she had intercourse with her boyfriend. In the scenario, she entered the confession directly talking and talking about her experience. After she finished talking, I told her that I should start with the sign of the cross then I was about ready to read the Scripture but she passed out without I knew it. I did not know that she was fainted because it was happened in a closed-screened box of confession. If I knew that she was fainted, certainly I would ask help of others who were in line outside for the confession. Most likely, if I did not hear her voice any longer, of course, I would ask help of others to see her or I would come out to check her what was going on at the other side of the confession box. It is a practical thing that maybe very seldom happening in the real life but it is a good insight I ever learn of the third person I have met at this act of confession. This is certainly the most unique one I ever have in this confession practice.
Overall, I learn how to be a good confessor as a priest in this presiding class. I know that now I have idealistic ways how to do the confession, namely, to be a good listener and good confessor but in reality I do not know what I am going to be when I will be a priest in near future. At least, by this reflection, I have dreams to practice my ministry as an ordained minister of the Catholic Church in proper and compassionate way. Like God, the Father who always waits for human beings to come to confess and ask blessing, so do I have to act likewise even though I am not a perfect man and I also a sinner who tries to serve God’s people through the ministry of the Church. In humility, good zeal, conviction and surrendering in God’s grace through the Holy Spirit, I believe I can carry this wonderful and privilege duty as ministry of the Church to help others to be closer to God in Christ Jesus.