surat ke-5 bulan Januari 2005

5) 4th Sunday in Ordinary Time, January 30, 2005

Monday, January 24, 2004. “We must make no compromise
with a love that is contrary to the love of God”
(Francis de Sales).

We heard of mourning news that the oldest brother of
Father Willy Mukucha, SX named Leopold passed away
because of his sickness in Canada. We all pray for him
and his family in R.D. Congo.

On Friday January 28th I attended the last class of
Human Sexual Development for Ministry at CTU in which
I submitted my 10-page final paper and I would like to
share to you as well. In the closing prayer at the
last class we uttered our ‘erotic prayer’ and here I
expressed my own prayer in the beginning of this
paper.

HEALTHY HUMAN SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT FOR MINISTRY (I-4010)
J-Term 2005
O God, your are untouchable by my human senses
But you can be touched by our mind and words.

In inception you created me with loving touch of both
of my parents
In inception you created me with genital touch of my
father and mother
In inception you created me out of human passion and
intercourse
In inception you created me through penetration and
ejaculation
In inception you created me with union of her ovum and
his sperm.

I commend to your compassionate touch:
My sexual awakening,
My sexual identity as a male,
My sexual commitment as a celibate person.

At the same time I commend to you:
My spiritual awakening
My spiritual identity
My spiritual commitment,
In union with you and others toward Healthy Human
Sexual Development
Through Christ, our Master of Love and Compassion.
Amen.


1. How has my culture shaped my experiences and
understanding of sexuality?
I was born and raised in East Java, Indonesia by a
Chinese descent family who have already lived and
adapted in local Javanese culture from a number of
generations. In my family, my parents never talked
about sex and sexuality to me because probably they
considered that this issue is only for adult people
and we will come to know about it when we are becoming
adult. It is influenced so much of our local culture
that talking about sex especially to the children is a
taboo and shameful thing. It is only appropriately
talked by adult persons and between a married-couple.
Even my parents as I remember, never gave me advice
about relationship to other gender as I grew up in
high school. I came to know about sex and sexuality
from my own searching, my self-discovery from
newspaper, books and magazines. In the age of puberty,
I was sometimes still confused and questioning about
my own mysterious libido that I found out the answer
from the wide-opened information in mass media. I felt
ashamed also when somebody talking about this issue
and I never raised the questions to competent persons.


In my own family, the greeting between our family
members never expressed by touching each other, even I
never embracing or shaking hand to my father,
grandmother and siblings after so long time we did not
meet each other. I never reflected deeply about this
case but I ever read one article that some general
culture among the Chinese descendants in Indonesia
having such a custom. This influenced my way to relate
others in school and society. Normally, I keep very
strict boundaries to other gender in the relationship.
The normal way to greet others in my own culture is
shaking hand but never embracing each other.

Since in the kindergarten and primary school,
gathering with other gender friends is a shameful way.
It created a custom that I had to make friendship to
my own gender, boys. Most of my close friends were
boys and apparently I never had female friends in my
house despite my own shyness attitude. At primary
school normally we sit with the same gender friend and
very seldom we sit with other gender friend. Once I
sit with a female friend, I felt very uncomfortable
and too cautious keeping boundaries especially in
secondary high school.

Even though it seems that sexuality is taboo but in
the society especially in mass media such as movie,
film and advertisement, we can see daily performance
that tends to sex and vulgar relationship between man
and woman. It makes many children more curious to know
about sex and sexuality without taken care by the
parents and adult persons. The information that I got
was ranging from positive to negative teachings and
sometimes ambiguous and I did not know which one the
right according to the norm of my Catholic religion.
One major thing that probably makes me think and
reflect is self-pleasure such as masturbation. It is
struck me when I found that there are some different
approaches and arguments regard to this issue in the
traditional Catholic teaching and other modern
thinkers. Some consider it as mortal sin and others as
venial sin and one author says it is not sin.
“Masturbation is not a sign of the perfection we as
celibates strive to live; neither is it sin. It is
simply imperfection-that which we all are and yet
strive to overcome” (Donald Goergen, The Sexual
Celibate, p. 203). Some myths about this disorder
sexual custom in Indonesia influenced also my
understanding about sexuality.

Since I have lived in the USA I have to adjust the
custom and culture of embracing and hugging each other
in friendship. When I saw this Western culture when I
was in Indonesia, I wondered how I could adjust this
custom. In my ministry at a retreat house as my
Ministry Practicum I from CTU dealing with teenagers,
I was struck by the relationship of girls and boys the
retreatans who mostly the Caucasians. Among boys and
girls, they have very close physical relationship as
if there is no boundary. It never happened in my
experience as a teenager in Indonesia. It somehow
makes me appalled and jealous. As a minister among
them, I should adjust theirs custom. Recently, after
finishing the weekend retreat, at the closing prayer,
some of the girls, the retreatans expressed their
gratitude and peace to me with hugging and embracing.
It made me being accepted by them and the gesture that
I practiced was simply responding their first
initiative to hug me then I opened to their gesture.
Even though I have been living in the USA for two
years but this gesture to hug and to be hugged
especially with other gender still sometimes makes me
feel little bit strange since it is not my custom in
Indonesia. At the same time I feel good to touch and
to be touched by others. One principle that I do agree
and I have practice it in my ministry is “Touch is to
be used in ministry only to address the needs of the
person the religious is assisting, not to meet the
needs of the religious” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A.
Repka).

In regard of human healthy boundary in a life of
ministry, I see there is different value of one
culture to another one. For example, in my country
Indonesia, getting along with children at primary
school (the picture below) such as my experience as I
visited them before I departed to the USA is an
acceptable manner. But, I do not think in the USA it
can be practiced easily like in Indonesia, instead I
should be cautious dealing with the children because
the issue of sexual scandal of clergies. Therefore, I
should be prudent on what I am doing in my ministry
dealing with people, to respect local values and to be
flexible in pastoral issues not to be rigid.




2. “Exploring Commitments and My Capacity for Making
and Keeping Them”
I chose ‘FRIENDSHIP’ because this word recalls my
experience dealing with so many people in my life as
of now. Starting with my friends of close neighbors in
some areas that I had been living in, namely schools,
working places, my formation time in the Xaverian
Missionaries, and all people whom I met during my
ministry as a religious, teacher and a friend of them.


There is one special female friend who gave me a lot
of meaning enduring what I have been choosing as a
religious. Her care of me drew me to a certain feeling
that I never had before, namely, feeling of falling in
love to a girl. It put me on a threshold of my journey
toward a missionary-religious-priesthood and at the
same time transformed and awakened me who I am as a
normal human being. In the insight of this experience,
I want to try recalling my sweet memory dealing with
myself in my great memorable experience to love and to
be loved as a human being.

It is a really unforgettable story that I ever have in
my life journey as a male being. One evening in August
2000, I attended a priesthood ordination of four
priests in a Catholic Church in Jakarta-Indonesia. I
have been attending a couple of times this kind of
celebration since I was in High School. It is always a
solemn Mass with a big celebration that I also want to
experience to be one of the ordained priests someday.
After the Mass lasted I met some nuns who are friends
of my Xaverians confrere. They introduced me to a
nice-looking girl who is their friend. Back on that
day, I was very happy meeting with her while she was
joking and telling me that she is a candidate of nun.
I knew that she was just kidding. It was a nice day
that I could ever have in my life and imagined as if
she would be one of my friends. Since I did not have
any idea who really she is; so my impression lasted on
that day. A couple of days later, she called me up in
my Xaverians philosophy house and since then she often
did so. In the beginning I was so happy receiving her
phone call because I never had this kind of experience
that a girl friend has attention to me. In the human
level, I was consoled but I was wondering with myself:
how do I deal with such a feeling and my religious
life. In one side, I was happy to have a girl friend
that gave me attention but the other side my heart was
not in peace because I have chosen a
celibate-religious life. It seemed that she did call
me up often times till she asked me favor to come
visiting me in my Xaverians house. I welcomed her
delightfully and she came with her girl friend as
well. In the beginning, she told me that she wanted to
know some religious orders of nuns but after she came,
she never wanted to know them. I guessed she only
wanted to know my life closely. After this visit, she
continued calling me up almost everyday. Finally one
evening she asked me help to accompany her to go to a
hospital since she did not have a friend. I did not
answer directly what she asked, instead I needed some
time to decide it. In my prayer in the chapel, I had a
fixed and clear answer to say NO to her, but after she
called, I could not say NO, but saying YES. I did not
know why I could not deny her hope. Probably, I
already had a certain feeling and wanted to meet her
again. To say that I experienced what people say,
falling in love. It was a really a joyful feeling that
I ever have in my life. Even though I know that I have
embraced my religious life but I still had this kind
of feeling, to love other that is the opposite sex.
Eventually, I met her and I had mixed motivation to
meet her: to help her and to meet her because she was
interesting to me. First time I met her, after taking
her to a hospital, she invited me to go to have lunch
at a Mall. I told her that it would be a scandal if
someone knows that I go with her. But, anyway, I did
that while I hoped nobody would see me. In our
conversation during the lunch, she tried to know my
identity and I did so. Afterward, we entered a store
and she bought two cassette tapes of pianists, Richard
Clayderman and Sharon, a little Chinese girl pianist.
I was wondering why she bought two same cassettes at a
time. At the counter of cashier, she wrote on the tape
her name and the date we had that time, 31 August 2000
and gave one to me. I could not deny her kindness
while she said, “When you come to your house, listen
to it and when you listen to it, please remember me.”
In my daily lives, my mind, my heart and my dream were
devoted to her. If I heard a phone ring, my heart was
trembling and my affection suddenly remembering her.
The second time, I accompanied her to go to a hospital
to have treatment for her sickness. This time she
treated me to eat noodle at a restaurant. The third
and the last time, I accompanied her to have a small
operation of her sickness. This time I had an
initiative to exchange our pictures. The more I knew
her closely, the more I wanted to remember her face in
my dream and imagination. Finally, I got her picture
that I could see it everyday when I had missed her.

One Sunday noon, she invited me in her friend’s
birthday. We were four, namely three girls and
including me. We had lunch at a Mall and I parked my
bicycle in a motorcycle parking lot at the basement.
After we had a good time, I went to the basement to
take my bicycle. One thing happened that I never
expected before, namely, my favorite bicycle, which
took me to many places in Jakarta was lost. I tried to
find it out but I could not get it. Somebody had
stolen it. I was so depressed and sad with this
experience. After a happiness I got, I had to take up
a very sad moment; how contrast it was. My Xaverians
confreres, who knew what I had done, most of them
laughed at me. It was a big mistake that I did and
really an embarrassing one.

What I could learn of this experience was: I have to
be grateful that I did not lose my vocation to be a
missionary-religious-priesthood, but God was still
kind to me and God had a sense of humor that the lost
of my bicycle reprimanded me to be careful with my
relationship and my feeling toward others. Knowing my
bicycle was lost, she and her friends felt sorry and I
said no problem; “it’s not your fault, it’s a really
tragedy, it shouldn’t bother you.” After this event,
she was very seldom to call me up. In the beginning, I
was feeling sad and lost of her but with time running,
I could endure and accept it. My feeling of love and
to be loved, little by little, was disappearing. I
recalled my study that I received from my professors
in my philosophy study: “To love and to be loved as a
human person are the highest meaning we can draw in
our life” (Franz Magnis Suseno, SJ). Another lesson of
my professor is when I fall in love, as soon as
possible I should stand up, awake and be aware of then
to build this love in positive way. From my spiritual
director I learn that to love is a commitment, not a
feeling merely. This unforgettable memory strengthens
my commitment to embrace my religious life even though
in the beginning it cost me a lot of tension and
confusion in my own personality and freedom. To be
honest to myself and to others especially my formator,
I told this love story both to my formators and my
confreres in order to let them know who I was at that
time and to ask help to endure this long-life
vocation. My strength is that I could accept this
moving experience as a positive lesson and to share
plainly to others. In addition, to treat her and other
friends as God’s people in their dignity and still
keep them in my prayer that God allowed them to come
into my life story.

It suggests me to be more aware that I am a man who
needs care, love, attention and acceptance of others
especially other gender. It makes me realized that I
am a normal man who devotes myself to God’s service in
a celibate way with all consequences such as
loneliness, lack of love and attention of others,
depression and isolated life. In my fragility as a
human being, I just surrender to God’s compassion to
keep me being faithful in my daily journey. When I
fall down into temptation, I believe it signs me that
I am a fragile human, not myself who can endure this
kind of life but merely God’s love and compassion and
also God’s great grace. Without God, I am nothing. My
commitments to my religious life in order to
ministering God’s people are full of struggle in my
whole life that require a lot of patience, wisdom and
daily denying of myself. In my weaknesses I commit
myself to God. “If anyone desires to come after me,
let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and
follow me.” (Luke 9:23).

I am grateful to have this kind of experience of
feeling, falling in love and to be loved by the other.
I never had this experience before, so I am grateful
to my friend who finally married with her chosen man.
Even, with my big heart, I attended their wedding both
the reception and the ceremony at a church.

Even though she never told me about her feeling and I
never did so, but from her attitude, gesture and
symbols that she expressed externally to me, I
considered them as a symbol of love. Maybe I made a
mistake to draw a meaning quickly. It is a really good
experience and lesson to me to pass my crisis and
threshold toward my previous way of life in the
Xaverians Missionaries that I have chose freely. This
experience I believe, is a message of God that
challenges me whether I am still faithful to my
vocation to become a religious-missionary-priest or
not. With this experience, it does not mean that I
will not fall again in the same case. At least, I had
known what is the meaning to be loved by others and it
entails me to be humble and not to take advantage for
my own self. Moreover I have to surrender to God’s
will, not me O God, not me, but only your love enables
me to love others respectfully.

Some clues that I can enhance my ability to be with
others in a committed relationship in ministry are to
be honest to myself and to respect others in their
dignity as human beings and do my best to love them in
mutual and unconditional way. Full of compassion and
forgiveness to others will cure some conflicts that
may occur in the relationship. To be aware of the
ministry boundaries is a wise way to relate to others
in the ministry and at the same time not to be afraid
in dealing with them in cooperative way as teamwork.
To be authentic as I am in front of the others will
help others and myself as well to know each other
better.

3. Sexuality and Spirituality
In a celibate life I am enduring now the spiritual
life is the core of this way of life. To be spiritual
does not mean that I neglect my sexuality and my body
instead I have long life duty to integrate both
sexuality and spirituality. The goal of both the
sexual life and spiritual life is union of the
individual with God and with others. Being sexual
involves many aspects of personality: affectivity,
sociality, genitality, femininity, masculinity,
heterosexuality, homosexuality, sexual identity and
love. In the spiritual development according to
Goergen there are three phases, namely, spiritual
awakening, religious identity and spiritual
commitment. In the parallel of this spiritual
development, there is also sexual development, namely,
sexual awakening, sexual identity and sexual
commitment.

A sexual awakening happens in one’s life when
sexuality comes to life with full force that gives
rise also to a spiritual awakening. It begins in
childhood, an adolescent phase, matures to old age
where it bears fruit. Once a person has become
spiritually aware, the task of sexual identity and
spiritual identity are discovered. I come to accept
myself as a sexual person of a certain sex and a
certain sexual orientation. I begin to see myself as a
spiritual person within a particular religion or
belief. Commitment or decision is an important task in
becoming a spiritual person. Goergen points out that
the spiritual awakening brings spirituality to the
level of awareness, the spiritual identity brings it
to the level of self-acceptance and the commitment
brings it to the level of responsibility. The
commitment is not merely mine but it involves other
people. In the celibate life, the commitment deals
with community not only God and myself. I do agree
with this statement, “The most effective way to
prevent misconduct in ministry is to nurture healthy
relationships with colleagues (i.e., members within
congregations), with others, and with God, as well as
to pay heed to mind-body-spirit connections” (Donna J.
Markham and Fran A. Repka).

The celibate life can be understood in the
relationship of oneself to God, to fellow men and
women. Celibate chastity is not something I can
achieve once and for all but a life-long process that
implies a growth toward maturity and union with God
and others. Kierkegaard says that purity of heart was
to will one thing. Even though I believe that the
celibate life is my life I chose freely but as a
normal human being, I believe that sometimes I fall
short in temptations. It reminds me that I am not
perfect, I still need to be humble asking God’s
compassion and strength to stand up again toward the
ideal. A spiritual person as Saint Augustine
exemplified, is restless until one rests in God.
“Spirituality is less about getting it right all the
time and more about realizing that pain, struggle, and
mistakes are an essential part of living. The full
appreciation of inner serenity is achieved only after
having to come to terms with one’s own weakness,
limitations, and shortcomings” (Kevin P. McClone).

Goergen suggests to live and keep the celibate life,
one should live it out in the spirit of discipline,
solitude and joy. The discipline life is not for
discipline itself but always for the integration and
wholeness of the person. “Fulfillment paradoxically
comes through healthy asceticism, sacrifice, and
surrender” (Kevin P. McClone). The goal of solitude
life is love and compassion. It must be based on
prayer and meditation. In the Song of Songs the lovers
after uttering extravagance of language realizes the
insufficiency of words. “The search for love also
reveals the need for a balance between solitude and
intimacy. The call to intimacy is also a call to learn
that, however much two people love each other, they
never own each other nor finally know each other”
(Philip Sheldrake). There are three spiritual joys in
the heart of celibate person, namely friendship,
ministry and prayer. These joys are never complete in
our lives because our joys are mixed by negative
feelings and experiences. Our joy will be completed
perfectly by God in the eschatological kingdom.

CONCLUSION
To live the healthy human sexual development for
ministry in my celibate life is not based on the
celibate life of Jesus of Nazareth but upon Jesus of
Nazareth as fully human, as a sexual and spiritual
being, as man of faith, as God’s presence in history,
as revelatory event, as corporate person, and as the
Christ who calls us and invites us to live as He did
and does. It is my duty as a celibate person to
integrate my life of both a sexual and spiritual being
at the service of God’s Kingdom. In order to endure
this virtue I remember the Testament–Letter number 5
of the founder of the Xaverian Missionaries, Blessed
Guido Conforti, “Remember, humility is the best
safeguard of chastity. There is no better application
for the wisdom of Sirach than here: ‘He who wastes the
little he has will be stripped bare’ (Sir. 19:1).”

“Humility is recognizing our fundamental need for
others and God. Humility is not thinking too much or
too little of oneself but a more realistic acceptance
of who we are with all our strengths and limitations”
(Kevin P. McClone).


Tuesday, January 25, 2004. “I live no longer I, but
Christ lives in me” (Paul, Gal 2:20)

Wednesday, January 26, 2004. “Love is so powerful that
it makes one heart and one will of lover and beloved”
(Catherine of Siena).

Thursday, January 27, 2004. “Obey divine inspirations
that you may recognize as coming from the Holy Spirit”
(Angela Merici).

In the afternoon we had a community meeting evaluating
our community project of life in the dimension of
community life.

Friday, January 28, 2004. “We need to be led to God by
the world we sense and by thinking of Christ the man,
so that seeing God with our own eyes we can be lifted
up to love what we cannot see” (Thomas Aquinas)

I attended the last class of sexuality at CTU in which
we did evaluation of the class and closing prayer and
I submitted my final paper. After finishing the class
we exchanged peace manner with embracing and hugging
each other as I adjust and embrace this culture
prudently while some of the professors touted me
because of my ‘erotic’ prayer I uttered at the closing
prayer.

To express my gratitude having finished my J-Term
three weeks class at CTU, I headed to Saint Peter Loop
Church run by Franciscan Friars (OFM) at downtown
Chicago by CTA bus to receive the compassion and love
of God through confession or sacrament of
reconciliation that I believe a special grace of God
offered to me.

In the evening after supper, I had plenty of time to
write this journal.

Saturday, January 29, 2005. “It is difficult to become
a saint. Difficult, but not impossible. The road to
perfection is long, as long as one’s lifetime. Along
the way, consolation becomes rest; but as soon as your
strength is restored, you must diligently get up and
resume the trip” (Padre Pio).

With Ignas and Father Rudi Subagyo, osc, I went to
Taste of Indonesian 2005 for the Great Tsunami Relief
at the Salvation Army, Des Plaines from 12.15 p.m. to
3.30 p.m. It was held by several Indonesian groups and
corporations in Chicago and visited by Indonesian and
American people who care of the suffering victims of
this greatest natural disaster in the history of
humanity in the world. There were also the Indonesian
Consulate General in Chicago, Mr. Daulat Pasaribu and
Jesse White the Secretary State. It was reported by
some several mass media in Chicago such as Chicago
Tribune, ABC News, CLTV, etc. The event consists of
video clip presentation of the Tsunami tragedy,
remarks by Indonesian Consul General in Chicago and
Jesse White, Indonesian traditional songs, music and
dances beside lunch. Congratulation to the committee
who worked hand in hand so that this event of charity
could be held successfully. They are Chicago City
Blessing (CCBC), Glory of the Lord Fellowship
Pentecostal Church (GOLF) Chicago, Indonesian
Christian Fellowship (ICF) Chicago, Indonesian
Students Association (PERMIAS) Chicago and Kalamazoo,
International Full Gospel Fellowship (IFGF) Chicago,
Masyarakat Budha Indonesia, Masyarakat Hindu
Indonesia, Masyarakat Muslim Indonesia in Chicago,
Persekutuan Masyarakat Kristen Indonesia di Chicago
(PMKI) and Paguyuban Warga Katolik Indonesia di
Chicago (PWKI). Special thank I implore to Ibu Imelda
Palmas who invited us to come to this event. Thank you
very much.

Sunday, January 30, 2005. “Blessed are the clean of
heart, for they will see God” (Matthew 5).

In the morning at 8 I attended Mass at Saint Thomas
Church then did some work at the basement and laundry.
In the afternoon I cooked simple food: Pizza and Tom
Yum soup.

Tomorrow morning, Monday till Friday evening, we as
community will be at Portiuncula retreat house, about
40 minutes away South of Chicago to have retreat
guided by an SCJ father, John Czyzinski (the present
novice director of the Sacred Heart Fathers in Hyde
Park, Chicago).

5) Hari Minggu Biasa ke-4, 30 Januari 2005

Senin, 24 Januari 2004. “Kita seharusnya tidak membuat
suatu kompromi dengan kasih yang bertentangan dengan
kasih Allah sendiri” (Fransiskus dari Sales).

Kami mendengar kabar duka cita bahwa kakak tertua dari
Pastor Willy Mukucha, SX yaitu Leopold meninggal dunia
karena sakit stroke di Kanada. Kami semua berdoa bagi
arwahnya dan keluarganya di R.D. Congo.

Pada hari Jumat 28 Januari saya menghadiri kuliah hari
terakhir untuk Perkembangan Seksualitas Manusia yang
Sehat untuk karya kerasulan/pelayanan di CTU di mana
saya juga pada kesempatan ini membagikannya kepada
Anda sekalian. Dalam doa penutup pada kelas terakhir
hari Jumat ini, kami masing-masing mendoakan doa
‘erotis’ karya kami dan di sini saya juga
mensharingkannya pada Anda di awal paper akhir saya
(namun paper lengkapnya silahkan dibaca di edisi
bahasa Inggrisnya di atas).

HEALTHY HUMAN SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT FOR MINISTRY (I-4010)
J-Term 2005
Ya Allah, Dikau tak tersentuh oleh indera manusiawiku
Namun Dikau dapat disentuh oleh pikiran dan
kata-kataku.

Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku dengan sentuhan
kasih kedua orang tuaku
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku dengan sentuhan
kelamin papi dan mamiku
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku dengan nafsu dan
persetubuhan manusiawi
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku melalui penetrasi
dan ejakulasi
Pada permulaan Dikau menciptakanku dengan persatuan
sel telur mamiku dan sel sperma papiku.

Kuserahkan pada belaian belas kasihMU:
Kesadaran daya seksualitasku,
Identitas daya seksualitasku sebagai seorang lelaki,
Komitmen daya seksualitasku sebagai seorang selibat.

Pada saat yang bersamaan pula aku menyerahkan padamu:
Kesadaran daya rohaniku,
Identitas daya rohaniku,
Komitmen daya rohaniku,
Dalam persatuan dengan Dikau dan sesamaku menuju
Perkembangan Seksualitas Manusiawi yang sehat.
Demi Kristus, Guru cinta dan belas kasih kami,
Amin.

Selasa, 25 Januari 2004. “Aku hidup bukan lagi aku,
namun Kristus hidup dalam diriku” (Paulus, Gal 2:20)

Rabu, 26 Januari 2004. “Cinta itu sedemikian
dahsyatnya sehingga dapat membuat satu hati dan satu
kehendak dari pencinta dan yang dicintai” (Katharina
dari Siena).

Kamis, 27 Januari 2004. “Taatilah inspirasi ilahi yang
mungkin engkau ketahui datang dari Roh Kudus” (Angela
Merici).

Di sore hari kami mengadakan pertemuan komunitas
mengevaluasi program hidup bersama kami yang kali ini
adalah bagian dimensi hidup bersama.

Jumat, 28 Januari 2004. “Kita perlu dipandu menuju
Allah oleh dunia yang mampu kita indera dan oleh
pemikiran tentang Kristus manusiawi, sehingga melihat
Allah dengan mata telanjang kita ini kita akan dapat
terangkat pada cinta apa yang tidak mampu kita lihat”
(Thomas Aquinas)

Saya menghadiri kelas terakhir tentang seksualitas di
CTU di mana kami menuliskan evaluasi atas kuliah ini
terutama atas materi kuliah ini dan cara penyampaian
materi oleh para dosen rekanan lalu ditutup dengan doa
pentutupan serta saya mengumpulkan paper akhirku.
Setelah mengakhiri kelas ini kami saling membagikan
salam damai dengan tradisi budaya Amerika Serikat ini
saling berpelukan dan merangkul satu sama lain
sebagaimana saya telah beradaptasi dan memeluk budaya
ini dengan bijak sementara beberapa dosen memujiku
karena doa ‘erotis’ ku yang kudoakan di acara doa
penutupan ini.

Untuk mewujudnyatakan syukurku telah mengakhiri kuliah
tiga minggu J-Term ini di CTU, saya pergi menuju
Gereja Santo Petrus Loop di downtown Chicago yang
dilayani oleh Ordo Fransiskan (OFM) dengan naik bis
CTA untuk menerima belas kasih dan cinta Allah melalui
pengakuan dosa atau sakramen rekonsiliasi yang
kupercaya sebagai suatu rahmat khusus yang ditawarkan
oleh Allah bagi diriku secara pribadi.

Malam hari setelah makan malam, saya punya banyak
waktu untuk menulis jurnal mingguan saya ini.

Sabtu, 29 Januari 2004. “Adalah sulit untuk menjadi
orang kudus. Sulit, namun bukannya tidak mungkin.
Jalan menuju kesempurnaan itu panjang, sepanjang kurun
waktu hidup seseorang. Sepanjang perjalanan,
penghiburan menjadi peristirahatan; namun segera
sesudah kekuatanmu pulih kembali, engkau haruslah
dengan tekun bangun dan melanjutkan perjalanan ini”
(Padre Pio).

Bersama dengan Ignas dan Romo Rudi Subagyo, osc, saya
pergi ke sebuah acara penggalangan dana untuk korban
Tsunami di Indonesia bernama TOFI (Taste of Indonesian
2005 for the Great Tsunami Relief) di the Salvation
Army, Des Plaines dari jam 12.15 hingga 3.30 sore.
Acara ini diadakan oleh beberapa kelompok dan
organisasi Indonesia di Chicago dan sekitarnya dan
dikunjungi oleh masyarakat Indonesia dan Amerika di
Chicago yang peduli akan para korban bencana paling
besar dalam sejarah kehidupan umat manusia di dunia,
Tsunami 26 Desember 2004. Nampak pula dalam acara ini
Bapak Konsul Jenderal Indonesia di Chicago Daulat
Pasaribu dan Mr. Jesse White, the Secretary State.
Acara ini diliput oleh berbagai macam media massa di
Chicago seperti Chicago Tribune, ABC News, CLTV, dsb.
Acara ini terdiri dari penayangan video klip tsunami
ini, kata sambutan dari Pak Konjen dan Mr. Jesse
White, lagu, musik dan tarian tradisional Indonesia
serta makan siang. Selamat kepada seluruh anggota
komite yang telah bekerja keras dalam kerjasamanya
sehingga acara amal dana ini terselenggara dengan
sukses. Mereka adalah Chicago City Blessing (CCBC),
Glory of the Lord Fellowship Pentecostal Church (GOLF)
Chicago, Indonesian Christian Fellowship (ICF)
Chicago, Indonesian Students Association (PERMIAS)
Chicago and Kalamazoo, International Full Gospel
Fellowship (IFGF) Chicago, Masyarakat Budha Indonesia,
Masyarakat Hindu Indonesia, Masyarakat Muslim
Indonesia in Chicago, Persekutuan Masyarakat Kristen
Indonesia di Chicago (PMKI) and Paguyuban Warga
Katolik Indonesia di Chicago (PWKI). Ucapan terima
kasih secara khusus saya haturkan untuk Ibu Imelda
Palmas yang telah sudi mengundang kami untuk acara
ini. Limpah terima kasih.

Minggu, 30 Januari 2004. “Terberkatilah mereka yang
murni hatinya, karena mereka akan melihat Allah”
(Mateus 5).

Pagi hari pukul 8 saya ikut misa di Santo Thomas lalu
mengerjakan sedikit kerja di basement dan cuci baju.
Sore harinya saya memasak makanan yang siap saji
tinggal dimasukkan oven, Pizza dan sup ala Thailand,
Sup Tom Yum.

Besok hari Senin pagi hingga Jumat malam, kami akan
berada ke rumah retret Fransiscan di Portiuncula, 40
menit sebelah Selatan Chicago untuk mengikuti retret
bersama komunitas kami yang akan dipimpin oleh pastor
SCJ bernama John Czyzinski (magister novis SCJ saat
ini di Hyde Park, Chicago).

=====
“Only the good and rational person
is capable of true friendship,
for reason stirs up and nourishes friendship”
(Francis DeSales)

Alexander Denny Wahyudi, sx
Xaverian Missionaries
1347 East Hyde Park Boulevard
Chicago, Illinois 60615-2924
Phone 773 643 5745 Fax 773 643 6907
Website: www.xaviermissionaries.org