“Christ has become our paschal sacrifice;
Let us feast with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth, alleluia.”
HAPPY EASTER 2005
To All of You, my sisters and brothers, God blesses you all.
4) Easter Sunday: The Resurrection of the Lord, March 27, 2005
Monday, March 21, 2005. This week I had a spring and Holy Week break (no school, no homework, but ‘house-work’). In the morning after Mass, with red car we (Father Rocco, Petrus, Pascal Atumisi and I) headed to Detroit for mission animation at a parish, Saint Patrick Church. We stayed at Motel 6 in Lansing, Michigan one night. We arrived at the parish at 5 p.m. and met the coordinator of the children catechetization, Mary. Interestingly, there are a lot of children who come to this parish program every other week. After having supper together with the children, we gave talk to 6th to 8th graders, as many as 300 kids in two separate single-hour. Father Rocco showed them 20-minute Xaverians mission video depicting our mission in the world then we shared our own stories. It reminded me very much my own experience visiting many school children when I was in Indonesia.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005. One night we stayed at Motel 6, Lansing then in the morning we had a breakfast at Bob Evan restaurant. We continued our journey to visit Gerald R. Ford Museum at Grand Rapids, Michigan. Ford was the 37th U.S. President in 1974-1977 without campaign or election, replacing Richard Nixon. It’s interesting to know the history of the U.S. government with its world’s situation. In the afternoon, we returned to Chicago and stopped by a restaurant to have dinner. We visited a dune in Indiana, an area that produces maple syrup. On the way to Chicago, all of sudden, my stomach was upset and luckily we got stop at McDonald restaurant to release my pain. Probably, I drank too much soda and ate too much in the morning and afternoon. We arrived at Chicago at 6 p.m.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005. In the morning I went to CTU to meet my academic advisor, Gil Ostdiek, OFM to clarify my M.Div studies and transition from him to Sister Barbara Bowe, RSCJ as our (Xaverians) academic advisor after almost two years in sabbatical year. He promised and let me know next month about my rest of M.Div studies before the fall registration in the middle of April. Before noon, I went to Saint Peter Loop Church to have monthly reconciliation. In the afternoon I cooked an Indonesian chicken soup (Soto Ayam) plus crackers. Before supper and evening prayer, Ignas and Harno arrived at Hyde Park from Milwaukee. At night together with Pascal Atumisi, I watched a video of Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
HOLY Thursday, March 24, 2005. This morning after morning prayer, I did some work at the basement and laundry of my own clothes. In the afternoon, we are all as theology community went to Saint Therese Church Chinatown to celebrate the Holy Thursday. We started with supper prepared cordially by Father Michael Davitti. Then at 7 p.m. together with the parishioners, we had Mass concelebrated by 6 Xaverians priests (Michael, Aniello, Rocco, Victor, Pascal, Willy) and an SVD deacon, Paul. After the Mass over, some of us remained there. With the idea of Dharmawan, we (Petrus, Ignas, Dharmawan, Harno and I) prayed in front of Jesus in the church till 10.40 p.m. Father Aniello also together prayed with us. It reminded me my Xaverians formation experience during the Holy Thursdays, we always had this community prayer in groups. We remembered our family both the Xaverians and our origin families and gratefully prayed for them. We recalled also our confreres especially our colleagues who already scattered all over the world. In the spirit of Xaverians family, we gathered and said our prayer. At 11 p.m. we returned to Hyde Park.
GOOD Friday of the Lord’s Passion, March 25, 2005. The whole day it’s raining. In the morning I continued to clean up the second floor and my own room. At 3 p.m. I attended the service of Good Friday at Saint Thomas the Apostle Church. A lot of people came to this celebration, almost the church was full. After supper, I telephoned some of my families and friends and also some Xaverians confreres in Indonesia to utter my Easter greeting.
HOLY Saturday, March 26, 2005. In the morning I cleaned up the third floor and tried to be faithful to type this weekly journal. In the evening I attended Vigil Mass at Saint Therese Church Chinatown at 8 p.m. The Mass was concelebrated by Xaverian Fathers: Michael, Aniello, Rocco, Victor and Willy and an SVD deacon named Paul. There were two adult people baptized at this special faith celebration, Judy and Wei. As many as 110 people attended this Vigil Mass. We enjoyed hospitality and cake at the basement.
EASTER Sunday, March 27, 2005. I celebrated this Easter Sunday Mass at Saint Therese again with Indonesian Catholic Community at 12.15 p.m. and concelebrated by Father Michael, sx, Father Jack, cm and Father Rudi, osc. There were about 90 attendants at this Mass. Plenty of food served at the hospitality by Indonesian generous ladies. In the evening at our community we celebrated the Sunday Easter with dinner together with some friends from Saint Therese Church Chinatown also Father Michael and Aniello. I rushed to CVS store to make a CD for my new 106 pictures.
4) Hari Minggu Paskah Kebangkitan Tuhan Yesus, 27 Maret 2005
Senin, 21 Maret 2005. Minggu ini saya liburan, libur musim semi plus liburan Pekan Suci menjelang Paskah (tak ada kuliah, tak ada PR, namun ada sedikit pekerjaan rumah tangga). Pagi hari setelah misa, dengan mobil merah Corolla kami (Pastor Rocco, Petrus, Pascal Atumisi dan saya sendiri) pergi menuju Detroit, Michigan untuk animasi misi di sebuah paroki, Santo Patrik. Kami tinggal semalam di Motel 6 di Kota Lansing, Michigan. Kami tiba di gereja ini pukul 5 sore dan bertemu dengan koordinator pengajaran kateketik anak-anak, yaitu Mary. Hal yang menarik, ada banyak anak yang datang ke paroki ini untuk program katekisasi setiap dua minggu sekali. Setelah makan malam bersama anak-anak ini, kami memberikan sharing pengalaman untuk anak-anak dari kelas 6 hingga kelas 8 SD, sebanyak 300 anak dalam dua kurun waktu berbeda berdurasi sejam setiap session. Pastor Rocco mempertontonkan sebuah video misi Xaverian selama 20 menit mengisahkan misi misionaris Xaverian di seluruh dunia lalu kami masing-masing menceritakan pengalaman kami. Pengalaman ini sungguh mengingatkan saya pada pengalaman saya pribadi mengunjungi anak-anak SD sewaktu saya masih di Indonesia.
Selasa, 22 Maret 2005. Semalam kami tinggal di Motel 6, Lansing lalu di pagi hari kami sarapan pagi di restauran Bob Evan. Kami melanjutkan perjalanan kami mengunjungi sebuah museum yaitu museum Gerald R. Ford di Kota Grand Rapids, Michigan. Ford adalah presiden USA ke 37 dari tahun 1974-1977 tanpa kampanye dan pemilu, menggantikan presiden sebelumnya yaitu Richard Nixon. Menarik sekali mengetahui sejarah pemerintahan USA dengan situasi dunia saat itu. Di sore hari kami kembali ke Chicago dan berhenti di sebuah restauran untuk makan malam. Kami juga singgah di sebuah tempat yang menghasilkan syrup maple dari pendarasan pohon-pohon yang ada di sana yaitu di daerah Indiana. Saat perjalanan menuju ke Chicago, tiba-tiba perut saya bergejolak protes dan untunglah kami menemukan restauran McDonald terdekat meredakan sakit perut saya ini. Kemungkinan besar, saya terlalu banyak minum soda dan makan terlalu banyak di pagi dan sore tadi. Kami tiba di Chicago pukul 6 sore.
Rabu, 23 Maret 2005. Pagi hari saya pergi ke CTU untuk bertemu penasehat akademik saya yaitu Gil Ostdiek, OFM untuk minta penjelasan lebih lanjut tentang program studi M.Div saya juga proses transisi dari dia ke Suster Barbara Bowe, RSCJ sebagai penasehat akademis kami (Xaverians) setelah hampir dua tahun dia menjalani tahun sabatikal. Gil berjanji dan akan memberitahu padaku tentang sisa matakuliah program M.Div ku sebelum masa pendafataran kuliah musim gugur 2005 dimulai di pertengahan April ini. Sebelum siang saya pergi ke gereja Santo Peter di downtown Chicago untuk rekonsiliasi bulanan. Di sore hari saya memasak Soto Ayam dan kerupuk campur. Sebelum doa sore dan makan malam, Ignas dan Harno tiba di Hyde Park dari Milwaukee. Malam harinya bersama Pascal Atumisi saya menonton sebuah video tentang Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
Kamis PUTIH, 24 Maret 2005. Pagi ini setelah doa pagi, saya membersihkan basement dan laundry mingguan. Di sore hari, kami semua anggota komunitas teologi SX di Hyde Park pergi ke Gereja Santa Theresia di Chinatown untuk merayakan hari Kamis Putih. Kami mulai dengan makan malam yang disiapkan oleh Pastor Michael Davitti dengan penuh kebaikan hatinya. Lalu pukul 7 malam kami bersama para umat merayakan misa yang dihadiri oleh 6 pastor Xaverian (Michael, Aniello, Rocco, Victor, Pascal, Willy) dan seorang diakon SVD, Paul. Setelah misa selesai, beberapa dari kami yaitu kelima frater SX asal Indonesia tetap tinggal di gereja. Dengan ide dari Frater Dharmawan, kami berlima (Petrus, Ignas, Dharmawan, Harno dan saya sendiri) berdoa di hadapan Yesus di gereja ini acara tuguran hingga malam pukul 10.40. Pastor Aniello juga bersama-sama kami berdoa. Hal ini mengingatkan saya pada pengalaman menjalani hidup di Xaverian dalam hari-hari Kamis Putih, di mana kami selalu menjalankan doa bersama dalam komunitas dalam kelompok-kelompok tuguran. Kami mengingat keluarga-keluarga kami yaitu keluarga besar SX dan kelaurga asal kami masing-masing dan penuh syukur berdoa bagi mereka semua. Kami mengingat pula para sama saudara khususnya para frater/romo dan ex SX yang telah terpencar ke segala penjuru dunia. Dalam semangat keluarga Xaverian, kami berkumpul dan mengucapkan doa-doa kami. Pukul 11 malam kami pulang kembali ke Hyde Park.
Jumat AGUNG, 25 Maret 2005. Sepanjang hari ini hujan terus. Pagi hari saya masih melanjutkan kerja rumah tangga, membersihkan lantai dua serta kamar saya sendiri. Pukul 3 sore saya menghadiri acara doa Jumat Agung di Gereja Santo Thomas Rasul. Banyak orang hadir dalam ibadat ini dan gereja hampir penuh. Setelah makan malam, saya menelpon ke beberapa teman, saudara dan para konfrater SX di Indonesia untuk menghaturkan selamat Paskah.
Sabtu SEPI, 26 Maret 2005. Di pagi hari saya membersihkan lantai 3 dan berusaha untuk setia mengetik jurnal mingguan ini. Malam hari saya menghadiri misa malam Paskah di Gereja Santa Theresia di Chinatown Chicago pukul 8 malam. Misa dipimpin oleh para pastor Xaverian yaitu: Michael, Aniello, Rocco, Victor dan Willy serta dikon SVD, bernama Paul. Ada dua baptisan dewasa dalam acara perayaan iman yang khusus ini. Sebanyak 110 orang hadir dalam acara misa malam paskah ini. Kami menikmati ramah tamah dan makan kue di basement usai misa.
Minggu PASKAH, 27 Maret 2005. Saya merayakan misa Minggu Paskah di Gereja Santa Theresia sekali lagi dengan komunitas Katolik Indonesia pukul 12.15 siang. Ada sekitar 90 yang hadir dalam misa kali ini. Cukup banyak makanan Indonesia disajikan oleh para ibu Katolik kita yang berbaik hati dalam acara ramah tamah seperti biasa setelah misa di basement. Malam hari di komunitas kami merayakan hari Minggu Paskah ini dengan makan malam bersama dengan para sahabat dari Gereja Santa Theresia Chinatown juga Pastor Michael dan Aniello. Saya segera bergegas pergi ke CVS store untuk membuat photo dalam CD terbaru sebanyak 106 photo.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Sunday, March 20, 2005
surat ke-3 bulan Maret 2005
3) Palm Sunday of The Lord’s Passion, March 20, 2005
Monday, March 14, 2005. In the millennium spirituality class, Barbara presented The New Cosmology and Teilhard de Chardin. She explained a theory that the universe has 15 billion years old and life began on Earth 4 billion years ago. It seems that the scientific theory is not in accord with religions teaching regards the creation story but in the perspective of our faith, even though the science can answer and discover many things in the universe, there are still mystery areas that we as human being cannot figure out. We should not contradict the science and the religion because the primary concerns are different, one based on faith (is the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen, Hebrew 11:1) and the other based on the physical and empirical data.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005. In the morning I had a theological reflection class at the Claretian house and this time Martin presented his ministry experience and I did facilitate in the sharing group. With the information and inspiration of Sister Pat last Sunday at SU CASA, I borrowed a book at CTU library entitled Blindfold Eyes, by Dianna Ortiz. She is an Ursulin Sister who survived of rape and torture in Guatemala. It is another story about a woman who is victimized by military male oppression that the USA military and government also involved in this conspiration.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005. In the class of millennium spirituality, Mari Carmen, a Benedictine sister from Torreon, Mexico, presented feminisme/womanism/mujerista spirituality. In the evening we celebrate Jacques Bahati’s birthday (33) from the Congo. I called up Cik Ana, an Indonesian friend of mine who lives in Orlando-Florida and she and her husband work at Walt Disney there. Since they kindly invite me to visit them, I plan to do it in May 20-27 as my vacation before entering my CPE summer program (6 June to 19 August 2005).
Thursday, March 17, 2005. Today is the 9th year anniversary of beatification of the Blessed Guido Maria Conforti, the founder of the Xaverian Missionaries. In the evening I cooked Pizza for my community and other simple food that only need to be warmed in the oven but unfortunately the vegetable and the corn were little bit burnt because too long in the oven while I attended the Holy Hour/adoration at the chapel for an hour.
Friday, March 18, 2005. In the morning I attended a workshop at CTU, namely, the workshop for acolyte preparation. Father Richard Fragomeni guided us this workshop with reviewing the rite of acolyte institution and at the second part he gave us (25 students from various different orders) a Pope document named ‘Mane Nobiscum Domine’ (Lord, Stay with us), an apostolic letter of Pope John Paul II about the Eucharist for commemoration of the Year of the Eucharist, October 2004 – October 2005. In the afternoon starting at 3 p.m. at the chapel, Petrus guided us in our monthly retreat. In the beginning he played a guitar and together with us sang a song: “Holiness, holiness is what I long for…Holiness is what I need. Holiness, holiness is what you want from me. Take my heart and form it, take my mind transform it, take my will conform it (the same with joyfulness, prayerfulness, faithfulness).” He gave us input with his story of his cow’s characteristic that ruminate its food/grass so do we in this retreat/recollection try to ruminate, recall and remember again our life, experience in the communal and personal dimensions. Then he uttered another story of an elderly man plays a guitar who is joined by others such as flute man, piano man, and other men who play other instruments of music. They enjoy to be in this group playing orchestra as they build with their creativity and mutual friendship based upon their same hobby. Unfortunately, at the end of his story, one new man, who is professional in the music joined them and impacted a lot in their group, namely, the flute man could not play professionally then he was dismissed, then the piano man could not fulfill the requirement of professionalism of the new man, then he was fired. Then, finally the guitar man who initiated this group also considered unworthy to be member of this ‘new’ group. After 30 minutes telling the story, Petrus gave us moment of silence and I reflected upon his Scripture passage from 2 Cor.5:11-14 (Caritas Christi Urget Nos). I was impressed by the verse number 17 at the same passage, “If anybody lives in Christ, there is a new creation…. everything has become new.” We celebrated the Mass at 5 p.m. then supper at 6 p.m. The second session of this recollection, Petrus provided some music instruments and we sang and played these instruments with Caritas Christi Urget Nos song that this title was repeated becoming a song. It’s a motto of the Xaverian founder, the Blessed Guido Maria Conforti and it’s theme of Petrus final thesis when he studied philosophy and theology in Jakarta-Indonesia. At the end of the retreat, he said that our community is similar with the story of the music group he told in the beginning of the retreat. He proposed a question: how do we help each other in the spirit of love and trust in order to cultivate our talents and grow in togetherness? Thank you Petrus, for your wonderful wisdom and simple guidance for our spiritual growth in this kairos moment while you still live with us at Hyde Park. It will be remembered by each one of us your voice in spite of your influenza because for a little while you will leave us here in next two months.
Saturday, March 19, 2005. I was typing this journal and doing some of my paper. In the afternoon, I headed to my ministry site, David Darst retreat center by CTA (this time I tried to take Green Line train). There were two groups of retreat these days, namely, one college group consisted of 9 girls from Minnesota, and the other group from Skutt Catholic High School in Omaha-Nebraska (20 people). There were also 3 novices of Salvatorian Congregation from Milwaukee who took part of our retreat. They are Reed from Boston, Ignacio from Colombia and the other one from New York City. I was glad to have nice and friendly chatting with these novices who were invited by Sister Paula to this retreat. Even Reed, a former PIME candidate knows Father Ivan, the provincial of the Xaverians. Together with Gayle, a volunteer and full time staff of David Darst, Ignacio and Reed, I accompanied the retreatans from Nebraska at the chapel. Gayle asked me to give something, as usual my rope game and I gave small picture of Jesus’ image. It seemed they were delightful to try and take the meaning of my game that has a cross meaning. Some of the chaperons told me that they will use it in their school, for the faculty or other students in some retreat. In this occasion, I tried to envoy some message spontaneously to the retreatans that before reaching out other people in some places such as soup kitchen, better if we try first to see the face of Jesus in our heart, to be aware of our spiritual life then with this modal we come to do our service for others. That’s all about what I spoke to them at the first night after they traveled about 8 hours by cars from Omaha to Chicago and bit of tired.
Sunday, March 20, 2005. In the morning after breakfast, with the retreatans, I went to Holy Angel Catholic Church to have Mass at 9.15 with Afro-American liturgy. What made me impressed was the spirit of youth choir at this Mass very powerful. I never saw a parish in the USA with the large number of young people in their activity of the liturgy. The Mass lasted 2 hours then I talked to the priest who presided the Mass named Father Robert Miller, a former of the Redemptorist Order and now belongs to the Archdiocese of Chicago. He was openly welcoming us as guests. We continued to go to SU CASA soup kitchen and this time we were joining with the homeless people were who standing in line to get in the soup kitchen for lunch. We enjoyed the conversation with the homeless people, mostly Afro-American people then Freida gave us her sharing about her experience taking care of the soup kitchen. The retreatans invited me to have Chicago tour at Lake Michigan then downtown and I showed them Chinatown and returned to the retreat house at 4 p.m. This time I felt comfortable and in at this retreat experience especially they accepted me in their group and activity and we had good conversation and took pictures at the Lake Michigan with its windy and chilly weather. After while, I went back to Hyde Park to continue my life’s journey in my community. This coming week we have Holy week break and I plan to go to Detroit with Father Rocco, Petrus and Pascal Atumisi to give mission animation at a parish and will be coming back on Tuesday.
12 March 2005
Pierre Teilhard De Chardin
“Spirit and matter are not identical or fused, but they are intricately and mysteriously interrelated. God is everywhere.” Most people who live in the world will experience dualism of spirit and matter. We are all trying to make balance both of them in some ways that sometimes our tendency is focused on the matter. In the perspective of spirituality of a new millennium it is what people are searching the meaning of our life in the world in fulfillment of both spiritual and material. One will be difficult to achieve a good spiritual life if one does not have minimal material life and vice versa. In my experience of living in the world, people tend to see the result in a physical and superficial outcomes and very rare to notice the inner of spiritual life behind the wrapped-physic and tangible things. Maybe someone poor in material stuffs but having high spirituality. Often times if somebody devotes him/herself in material things, she/he will neglect the spiritual things. Everything is measured by number and money and always trying to get more and more in a tight competition. In a simple way, I can experience when I eat a lot of food more than I need in my body, I do not feel good in my body and I will never be well satisfied if I always eat overwhelmingly. When I can experience how to be hungry of food, I also can be satisfied by the food. If I never have experience of hunger of food, probably I will never be grateful to what I eat everyday. In the spiritual life is the same: when I never be hunger of spiritual food in my life, and just take for granted to all I have in my daily routine, I will never be satisfied and awakened by a renewed spirituality. When I see my member of family died, I experience the meaning of spirit and material separated. The corpse is just like other dead physical things, no more life, no more useful and soon to be destroyed by the nature. I do not see their spirit and soul anymore but with my faith and belief I see them in the way toward God that I will also experience someday when I come to die. Just in matter of time and taking turn, we will pass the cycle of life to death. “Time, which postpones possession, time, which tears us away from enjoyment, time, which condemns us all to death – what a formidable passivity is the passage of time…In death, as in an ocean, all our slow or swift diminishments flow out and merge. Death is the sum and consummation of all our diminishments…”
I am impressed with what Teilhard points out, “I, your priest, will make the whole earth my altar and on it will offer you all the labors and sufferings of the world.” This is a sort of universal spirituality in the Eucharist that I never thought before. In the Eucharist that normally I perceived as a local action in my faith, is limited in the small altar table and simple offering and sacrifice but I find difficult to include all universe in this ritual and liturgical manner. But, with the Teilhard spirituality I come to understand and convince on my practiced faith. “I will place on my paten, O God, the harvest to be won by this renewal of labor. Into my chalice I shall pour all the sap which is to be pressed out this day from the earth’s fruits.” In my journey toward missionary-religious-priesthood, I will have struggle and wrestle with my daily spirituality especially the Eucharist as a source of my spirituality and faith. I am glad that Teilhard gives me new insight to live this daily spirituality when I become a priest. “My paten and my chalice are the depths of a soul laid widely open to all the forces which in a moment will rise up from every corner of the earth and converge upon the Spirit. Grant me the remembrance and the mystic presence of all those whom the light is now awakening to the new day.” It is what I try to embrace in my prayer life, to include and remember everyone whom I know and need prayer. Moreover in Teilhard’s spirituality, I found that I am not only recalling those whom I know but also those whom I do not know, the universe and all creatures. I remember prayer of Buddhists who mentions, “May all creatures be happy.”
In terms of interreligious dialogue, I found in Teilhard, “Is there, in fact, a universal Christ, is there a divine milieu?” I have faith in Christ Jesus, but not everyone has the same like me. Maybe they have faith in ‘Christ’ as well but not in Jesus as Christ. They have faith in other ‘Christ’ that draws me in a reflection: how do I understand my ‘Christic’ teaching and personal relation? Do I see my Christ Jesus live as well in others who have different belief and religions? Do I have superior Christ in my belief system so that I neglect other’s belief in their own ‘Christ’? I hope and believe that Christ Jesus also takes shape in otherness since he says, “If you do to the least of my people, you do unto me.”
16 March 2005
Feminist/Womanist Spirituality
In our societies and religions, the structural leaderships are in the hand of men. Often times this structures oppressed women. Many rules they employ resist and limit the role of women. Maybe some people think it is a normal way that our cultures in the most part of the world practices and no need changes and criticism. The male human who are in the position of this establishment most likely will keep this system and try many efforts to stay in their ‘superiority.’ Unfortunately Christianity and more specifically the Catholicity undertake this patriarchal system. Many feminists have tried to renew the spiritual of equality but until now the Church is still convinced with their male-domination. Even the image of God as a male God is very rooted in our tradition. “The teaching of religions that the inferiority of women is experienced as betrayal of deeply felt spiritual and religions experience. They are convinced that religions must be reformed or reconstructed to support the full human dignity of women” (Carol P. Christ and Judtih J. Plaskow, Womanspirit Rising, p.1).
When I study theology in the USA (CTU) I come to realize that our Catholic tradition very much emphasizes the hegemony of men in many aspects of the Church’s life. In the other side I learn of feminist opinions in the field of Bible interpretation, liturgical and ecclesial application. My eyes are opened to the reality that women have right and voice to say in their own capacity and experience. I found a bulletin at the CTU library about ordained women conference in the USA and still they name themselves as Catholics. I question myself whether the Church really manipulates the system in many dimensions and repressed the potential of women. As a man, I do not have the same feeling of the women regards to this issue but in a spirit of openness and middle way, I do agree that the Church has many defects in the gender issues. As an individual person, probably I cannot do much to change the system but I think in the spirit of compassion and acceptance, I can contribute myself to the grievance of the women. To be emphatic to the oppressed is the message of Jesus in the modern and millennium world in nowadays that sometimes difficult to take a part of it because once I belong to the structure, willy-nilly I must be consequent to it. Realizing that most of the Church’s faithful are the women, I re-think about the spirituality of the womanist. Like Saint Augustine felt owe to his mother, Monica in his process of confession, so do I feel that my spirituality and vocation are very closely related to some women in my life such as my mother, grandmother and some women in my Catholic neighborhood. From them I learn a lot of wisdom that I live them out in my life until now. The question and duty I carry on in my shoulder as I am preparing myself toward missionary-religious-priesthood in a new millennium: how do I approach and contribute my capacity to implement the womanist spirituality to the women faithful as Jesus did to other women 2000 years ago? Elisabeth Schussler Fiorenza points out that an analysis of Christian tradition and history, however, indicates that Church and theology will transcend their own sexist ideologies only when women are granted full spiritual, theological and ecclesial equality…Only if we, women and men, are able to live in non-sexist Christian communities, to celebrate nonsexist Christian liturgies, and to think in nonsexist theological terms and imagery will we be able to formulate a genuine Christian feminist spirituality (Feminist Spirituality, Christian Identity and Catholic Vision, pp. 146, 147).
3) Hari Minggu Palma, 20 Maret 2005
Senin, 14 Maret 2005. Dalam kelas spiritualitas millennium, Barbara mempresentasikan tema Kosmologi Baru dan Teilhard de Chardin. Ia menjelaskan sebuah teori bahwa alam semesta berusia 15 milyar tahun dan kehidupan berawal di bumi ini 4 milyar tahun lalu. Nampaknya ilmu pengetahuan tidak seirama dengan ajaran agama-agama berkaitan dengan kisah penciptaan namun dalam perspektif iman kita, kendati ilmu pengetahuan dapat menjawab dan menemukan banyak hal dalam alam semesta ini, masih ada juga hal yang misteri yang kita sebagai umat manusia tidak dapat memecahkannya. Kita seharusnya tidak mempersoalkan ilmu pengetahuan dengan agama karena perhatian utama keduanya berbeda, agama berdasarkan iman (adalah dasar segala sesuatu yang kita harapkan dan bukti dari segala sesuatu yang tidak kita lihat, Ibrani 11:1) dan ilmu pengetahuan berdasarkan hal yang fisik/kasap mata dan data-data empiris.
Selasa, 15 Maret 2005. Pagi hari ini saya mengikuti kelas refleksi teologi dalam kelompok saya yang kali ini bertempat di rumah teologi tarekat Claretian dan yang mensharingkan pengalaman kerasulannya adalah Martin dan saya sendiri sebagai fasilitator. Dengan informasi dan inspirasi dari Suster Pat hari Minggu lalau di SU CASA, saya meminjam sebuah buku di perpustakaan CTU berjudul Blindfold Eyes, oleh Suster Dianna Ortiz. Ia adalah seorang biarawati Ursulin yang bertahan hidup dari pemerkosaan dan penganiayaan di Guatemala. Ini adalah sebuah cerita lain tentang seorang wanita yang menjadi korban oleh pihak militer pria yang menindas di mana pemerintah dan militer USA juga turut terlibat dalam konspirasi ini.
Rabu, 16 Maret 2005. Dalam kelas spiritualitas millennium, Mari Carmen, seorang suster dari tarekat Benedictine asal Torreon, Mexico, mempresentasikan spiritualitas feminisme/kewanitaan/mujerista. Di malam hari kami merayakan ulang tahun frater SX asal Congo yaitu Jacques Bahati (33). Saya menelpon Cik Ana, seorang teman saya asal Indonesia yang tinggal di Orlando-Florida dan ia bersama suaminya bekerja di Walt Disney di sana. Karena mereka dengan baik hati mengundang saya untuk mengunjungi mereka, saya berencana untuk melaksanakannya yaitu dari 20-27 Mei sebagai liburan saya sebelum mengikuti program CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education di Rumah Sakit Alexian Brothers) di musim panas ini (6 Juni hingga 19 Agustus 2005).
Kamis, 17 Maret 2005. Hari ini adalah peringatan ke-9 tahunnya pengukuhan pendiri Xaverian, Beato Guido Maria Conforti sebagai Beato (satu langkah sebelum menjadi santo). Di sore hari saya memasak Pizza untuk komunitas di sini dan juga makanan yang mudah dipersiapkan yang hanya memerlukan waktu untuk dipanaskan di oven namun sayangnya sayur dan jagungnya agak terbakar sedikit karena kelamaan di dalam oven sementara kami saya ikut adorasi di kapel selama satu jam.
Jumat, 18 Maret 2005. Di pagi hari saya mengikuti sebuah workshop di CTU, yaitu workshop tentang persiapan pelantikan menjadi akolit. Pastor diosesan dari Albany, New York State bernama Richard Fragomeni memandu kami dalam workshop ini dari jam 9 hingga 11.30 pagi dengan pembahasan tentang tata liturgi acara pelantikan akolit dan bagian kedua ia memberikan kepada kami semua (25 peserta dari berbagai macam tarekat religius) dokumen apostolik dari Paus Yohanes Paulus II berjudul ‘Mane Nobiscum Domine’ (Tuhan, tinggallah bersama kami), sebuah dokumen apostolik dari Paus tentang Ekaristi untuk peringatan Tahun Ekaristi, Oktober 2004 – Oktober 2005. Di sore hari pukul 3, Petrus memandu kita semua dalam retret/rekoleksi bulanan. Pada permulaan ia bermain gitar dan bersama-sama kami semua menyanyikan sebuah lagu yang bunyinya: “Holiness, holiness is what I long for…Holiness is what I need. Holiness, holiness is what you want from me. Take my heart and form it, take my mind transform it, take my will conform it (sama pula dengan kata-kata: joyfulness, prayerfulness, faithfulness).” Ia memberikan masukan dengan ceritanya tentang karakter lembu/sapi yang ia punya saat di Indonesia di kampung halamannya Wonogiri yang memamah makanan/rumput demikian pula kami semua di sini saat rekoleksi ini mencoba untuk memamah yaitu merenungkan, meningat kembali jalan kehidupan kita, pengalaman dalam komunitas dan pribadi. Lalu ia bercerita sebuah kisah lain: seorang tua bermain gitar yang diikuti oleh seorang lain lagi pemain suling, lalu juga orang lain lagi pemain piano dan orang lain lagi pemain alat musik lain. Mereka menikmati kebersamaan dalam kelompok orkestra musik ini saat mereka membangun group ini dengan kreatifitas dan persahabatan yang indah ini berdasarkan kesamaan hoby dan perasaan kebersamaan. Sayang sekali, pada akhir cerita seorang pria, yang adalah profesional dalam bidang musik bergabung dengan mereka dan berakibat besar dalam kelompok ini, yiatu pemain suling karena tidak dapat bermain dengan profesional, ia diminta berhenti lalu pemain piano yang tak dapat memenuhi harapan keprofesionalismean anggota baru ini, juga harus dipecat. Kemudian, akhirnya pemain gitar yang memulai kelompok musik ini juga dianggap tidak layak menjadi anggota kelompok ‘baru’ ini. Setelah 30 menit bercerita , Petrus memberikan saat refleksi pribadi dan saya merenungkan perikop Kitab Suci dari 2 Kor.5:11-14 (Caritas Christi Urget Nos). Saya cukup terkesan dengan ayat ke-17 dalam perikop yang sama, “Jika seorang hidup dalam Kristus, terdapat sebuah ciptaan baru…segalanya telah menjadi baru.” Kami merayakan misa pukul 5 sore lalu disambung dengan makan malam pukul 6 sore. Bagian kedua rekoleksi ini, Petrus menyediakan beberapa alat musik di kapel lalu kami menyanyikan dan bermain musik bersama-sama dengan alat-alat musik ini dengan lagu yang syairnya diulang-ulang: Caritas Christi Urget Nos (Kasih Kristus Mendorong Kami). Ini adalah motto dari pendiri Serikat Xaverian, Beato Guido Maria Conforti dan ini adalah tema skripsi Petrus saat studi filsafat teologi di Jakarta-Indonesia. Pada akhir retret ini, ia mengatakan bahwa komunitas kita juga mirip dengan cerita kelompok musik ini sebagaimana ia ceritakan pada awal retret tadi sore. Ia mengusulkan sebuah pertanyaan reflektif: bagaimana kita dapat membantu satu sama lain dalam semangat kasih dan saling percaya guna mengolah talenta kita semua dan menumbuhkembangkannya dalam komunitas kita dalam kebersamaan? Terima kasih Petrus atas kebijaksanaanmu dan kesederhanaan panduanmu untuk pertumbuhan rohani kita semua dalam saat kairos ini sementara kamu masih tinggal bersama kami semua di Hyde Park ini. Ini semua akan diingat dan dikenang oleh kami semua, suaramu kendati kamu sedang menderita flu dan pilek karena sebentar lagi kamu akan meninggalkan kami semua di sini dalam jangka waktu dua bulan ke depan.
Sabtu, 19 Maret 2005. Hari ini saya menulis jurnal mingguan ini dan mengerjakan sedikit tugas PR. Di sore hari, saya pergi ke tempat kerasulan saya di rumah retret David David Darst naik bis dan kereta CTA dan kali ini saya ambil Green line, kereta jalur hijau. Ada dua kelompok peserta retreat dalam yang dimulai hari Sabtu malam hingga lima hari ke depan, yaitu satu kelompok dari sebuah universitas yang terdiri dari 9 cewek dari Minnesota dan kelompok lainnya adalah SMA Katolik Skutt di Omaha-Nebraska. Ada juga 3 orang novis dari tarekat Salvatorian dari Milwaukee yang juga mengambil bagian dalam retret ini. Mereka adalah Reed dari Boston, Ignacio dari Colombia dan satu lagi dari New York City. Saya gembira berbincang dengan mereka yang penuh persahabatan dan mereka diundang datang ke retret ini oleh Suster Paula. Bahkan Reed yang adalah mantan calon tarekat PIME ini mengenal Pastor Ivan, provinsial SX di USA ini. Bersama dengan Gayle, seorang volunteer dan staff full time di rumah retret ini, dengan Ignacio dan Reed, saya mendampingi para peserta retret dari Nebraska ini di kapel. Sementara kelompok lainnya didampingi oleh Suster Paula dan satu novis Salvatorian. Gayle memintaku untuk memberikan sesuatu pada awal acara retreat ini, seperti biasa aku berikan permainan tali dan juga saya bagikan gambar kecil yang menunjukkan gambar Yesus. Nampaknya mereka cukup senang mencoba permainan tali saya ini dan mengambil makna yang kuberikan yaitu makna salib. Beberapa pendamping dari mereka berkata padaku bahwa mereka akan menggunakan permainan ini di sekolah mereka, untuk para guru atau para murid lain dalam retret mereka. Dalam kesempatan ini, saya mencoba untuk menyampaikan secara spontan pesan-pesan kepada para peserta retret bahwa sebelum mereka bertemu dengan orang di tempat-tempat yang akan mereka kunjungi seperti dapur umum untuk para tuna wisma, sungguh lebih baik jika mereka mencoba pertama-tama melihat wajah Yesus dalam hati mereka, menjadi sadar akan kehidupan rohani mereka sendiri lalu dengan modal ini kita datang melakukan pelayanan bagi mereka yang membutuhkan dan kita layani. Kira-kira demikian pesan saya pada malam pertama retret mereka setelah mereka menempuh perjalanan panjang selama 8 jam dari Omaha ke Chicago dengan naik mobil dan agak sedikit lelah dan letih.
Minggu, 20 Maret 2005. Di pagi hari setelah sarapan, dengan para peserta retret, saya pergi ke Gereja Katolik Holy Angel untuk merayakan misa Minggu Palma pukul 9.15 dengan gaya liturgi Afro-American. Yang membuat saya terkesan adalah semangat dari para muda dan mudi koor di gereja ini saat misa sungguh luar biasa. Saya belum pernah melihat sebuah gereja Katolik di USA ini yang memiliki banyak muda dan mudi dalam kegiatan liturgi semacam misa ini. Misa berlangsung selama 2 jam lalu saya sempat bercakap dengan pastor yang memimpin misa yaitu Robert Miller yang adalah mantan pastor dari tarekat Redemptorist selama 26 tahun dan saat ini sudah menjadi pastor projo keuskupan agung Chicago. Ia terbuka menerima kedatangan kami sebagai tamu. Kami melanjutkan perjalanan kami ke SU CASA yaitu dapur umum dan kali ini kami ikut mengantri masuk ke dapur umum untuk makan siang. Kami turut antri bersama para tuna wisma yang berdiri di luar untuk makan siang. Kami menikmati makan siang dan percakapan dengan para tuna wisma yang kebanyakan adalah orang Afro-American lalu Freida memberikan sharing tentang pengalamannya mengelola dapur umum ini. Juli salah satu sopir dan youth minister para peserta retret ini mengundangku untuk ikut tour melihat kota Chicago yaitu Danau Michigan lalu dowtown dan saya menunjukkan mereka Chinatown Chicago lalu kembali pulang ke rumah retret jam 4 sore. Kali ini saya merasa nyaman dan ‘in’ dalam kelompok retret ini khususnya mereka menerima saya dalam kelompok mereka dan juga dalam kegiatan mereka juga kami bercakap-cakap dengan cukup akrab dan menarik serta tidak lupa berfoto bersama di pinggir Danau Michigan untuk kenang-kenangan sementara cuaca cukup dingin karena angin berhembus semilir di Danau ini. Setelah tiba kembali di rumah retret, saya pergi pulang sendirian ke Hyde Park untuk melanjutkan perjalanan kehidupan saya di komunitas Xaverian tercinta. Satu minggu ke depan ini kami mendapatkan liburan masa Minggu Suci menjelang Paskah dan saya besok pagi akan pergi ke Detroit bersama Pastor Rocco, Petrus dan Pascal Atumisi untuk memberikan animasi misi di sebuah gereja Katolik dan akan kembali hari Selasa sore.
Monday, March 14, 2005. In the millennium spirituality class, Barbara presented The New Cosmology and Teilhard de Chardin. She explained a theory that the universe has 15 billion years old and life began on Earth 4 billion years ago. It seems that the scientific theory is not in accord with religions teaching regards the creation story but in the perspective of our faith, even though the science can answer and discover many things in the universe, there are still mystery areas that we as human being cannot figure out. We should not contradict the science and the religion because the primary concerns are different, one based on faith (is the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen, Hebrew 11:1) and the other based on the physical and empirical data.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005. In the morning I had a theological reflection class at the Claretian house and this time Martin presented his ministry experience and I did facilitate in the sharing group. With the information and inspiration of Sister Pat last Sunday at SU CASA, I borrowed a book at CTU library entitled Blindfold Eyes, by Dianna Ortiz. She is an Ursulin Sister who survived of rape and torture in Guatemala. It is another story about a woman who is victimized by military male oppression that the USA military and government also involved in this conspiration.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005. In the class of millennium spirituality, Mari Carmen, a Benedictine sister from Torreon, Mexico, presented feminisme/womanism/mujerista spirituality. In the evening we celebrate Jacques Bahati’s birthday (33) from the Congo. I called up Cik Ana, an Indonesian friend of mine who lives in Orlando-Florida and she and her husband work at Walt Disney there. Since they kindly invite me to visit them, I plan to do it in May 20-27 as my vacation before entering my CPE summer program (6 June to 19 August 2005).
Thursday, March 17, 2005. Today is the 9th year anniversary of beatification of the Blessed Guido Maria Conforti, the founder of the Xaverian Missionaries. In the evening I cooked Pizza for my community and other simple food that only need to be warmed in the oven but unfortunately the vegetable and the corn were little bit burnt because too long in the oven while I attended the Holy Hour/adoration at the chapel for an hour.
Friday, March 18, 2005. In the morning I attended a workshop at CTU, namely, the workshop for acolyte preparation. Father Richard Fragomeni guided us this workshop with reviewing the rite of acolyte institution and at the second part he gave us (25 students from various different orders) a Pope document named ‘Mane Nobiscum Domine’ (Lord, Stay with us), an apostolic letter of Pope John Paul II about the Eucharist for commemoration of the Year of the Eucharist, October 2004 – October 2005. In the afternoon starting at 3 p.m. at the chapel, Petrus guided us in our monthly retreat. In the beginning he played a guitar and together with us sang a song: “Holiness, holiness is what I long for…Holiness is what I need. Holiness, holiness is what you want from me. Take my heart and form it, take my mind transform it, take my will conform it (the same with joyfulness, prayerfulness, faithfulness).” He gave us input with his story of his cow’s characteristic that ruminate its food/grass so do we in this retreat/recollection try to ruminate, recall and remember again our life, experience in the communal and personal dimensions. Then he uttered another story of an elderly man plays a guitar who is joined by others such as flute man, piano man, and other men who play other instruments of music. They enjoy to be in this group playing orchestra as they build with their creativity and mutual friendship based upon their same hobby. Unfortunately, at the end of his story, one new man, who is professional in the music joined them and impacted a lot in their group, namely, the flute man could not play professionally then he was dismissed, then the piano man could not fulfill the requirement of professionalism of the new man, then he was fired. Then, finally the guitar man who initiated this group also considered unworthy to be member of this ‘new’ group. After 30 minutes telling the story, Petrus gave us moment of silence and I reflected upon his Scripture passage from 2 Cor.5:11-14 (Caritas Christi Urget Nos). I was impressed by the verse number 17 at the same passage, “If anybody lives in Christ, there is a new creation…. everything has become new.” We celebrated the Mass at 5 p.m. then supper at 6 p.m. The second session of this recollection, Petrus provided some music instruments and we sang and played these instruments with Caritas Christi Urget Nos song that this title was repeated becoming a song. It’s a motto of the Xaverian founder, the Blessed Guido Maria Conforti and it’s theme of Petrus final thesis when he studied philosophy and theology in Jakarta-Indonesia. At the end of the retreat, he said that our community is similar with the story of the music group he told in the beginning of the retreat. He proposed a question: how do we help each other in the spirit of love and trust in order to cultivate our talents and grow in togetherness? Thank you Petrus, for your wonderful wisdom and simple guidance for our spiritual growth in this kairos moment while you still live with us at Hyde Park. It will be remembered by each one of us your voice in spite of your influenza because for a little while you will leave us here in next two months.
Saturday, March 19, 2005. I was typing this journal and doing some of my paper. In the afternoon, I headed to my ministry site, David Darst retreat center by CTA (this time I tried to take Green Line train). There were two groups of retreat these days, namely, one college group consisted of 9 girls from Minnesota, and the other group from Skutt Catholic High School in Omaha-Nebraska (20 people). There were also 3 novices of Salvatorian Congregation from Milwaukee who took part of our retreat. They are Reed from Boston, Ignacio from Colombia and the other one from New York City. I was glad to have nice and friendly chatting with these novices who were invited by Sister Paula to this retreat. Even Reed, a former PIME candidate knows Father Ivan, the provincial of the Xaverians. Together with Gayle, a volunteer and full time staff of David Darst, Ignacio and Reed, I accompanied the retreatans from Nebraska at the chapel. Gayle asked me to give something, as usual my rope game and I gave small picture of Jesus’ image. It seemed they were delightful to try and take the meaning of my game that has a cross meaning. Some of the chaperons told me that they will use it in their school, for the faculty or other students in some retreat. In this occasion, I tried to envoy some message spontaneously to the retreatans that before reaching out other people in some places such as soup kitchen, better if we try first to see the face of Jesus in our heart, to be aware of our spiritual life then with this modal we come to do our service for others. That’s all about what I spoke to them at the first night after they traveled about 8 hours by cars from Omaha to Chicago and bit of tired.
Sunday, March 20, 2005. In the morning after breakfast, with the retreatans, I went to Holy Angel Catholic Church to have Mass at 9.15 with Afro-American liturgy. What made me impressed was the spirit of youth choir at this Mass very powerful. I never saw a parish in the USA with the large number of young people in their activity of the liturgy. The Mass lasted 2 hours then I talked to the priest who presided the Mass named Father Robert Miller, a former of the Redemptorist Order and now belongs to the Archdiocese of Chicago. He was openly welcoming us as guests. We continued to go to SU CASA soup kitchen and this time we were joining with the homeless people were who standing in line to get in the soup kitchen for lunch. We enjoyed the conversation with the homeless people, mostly Afro-American people then Freida gave us her sharing about her experience taking care of the soup kitchen. The retreatans invited me to have Chicago tour at Lake Michigan then downtown and I showed them Chinatown and returned to the retreat house at 4 p.m. This time I felt comfortable and in at this retreat experience especially they accepted me in their group and activity and we had good conversation and took pictures at the Lake Michigan with its windy and chilly weather. After while, I went back to Hyde Park to continue my life’s journey in my community. This coming week we have Holy week break and I plan to go to Detroit with Father Rocco, Petrus and Pascal Atumisi to give mission animation at a parish and will be coming back on Tuesday.
12 March 2005
Pierre Teilhard De Chardin
“Spirit and matter are not identical or fused, but they are intricately and mysteriously interrelated. God is everywhere.” Most people who live in the world will experience dualism of spirit and matter. We are all trying to make balance both of them in some ways that sometimes our tendency is focused on the matter. In the perspective of spirituality of a new millennium it is what people are searching the meaning of our life in the world in fulfillment of both spiritual and material. One will be difficult to achieve a good spiritual life if one does not have minimal material life and vice versa. In my experience of living in the world, people tend to see the result in a physical and superficial outcomes and very rare to notice the inner of spiritual life behind the wrapped-physic and tangible things. Maybe someone poor in material stuffs but having high spirituality. Often times if somebody devotes him/herself in material things, she/he will neglect the spiritual things. Everything is measured by number and money and always trying to get more and more in a tight competition. In a simple way, I can experience when I eat a lot of food more than I need in my body, I do not feel good in my body and I will never be well satisfied if I always eat overwhelmingly. When I can experience how to be hungry of food, I also can be satisfied by the food. If I never have experience of hunger of food, probably I will never be grateful to what I eat everyday. In the spiritual life is the same: when I never be hunger of spiritual food in my life, and just take for granted to all I have in my daily routine, I will never be satisfied and awakened by a renewed spirituality. When I see my member of family died, I experience the meaning of spirit and material separated. The corpse is just like other dead physical things, no more life, no more useful and soon to be destroyed by the nature. I do not see their spirit and soul anymore but with my faith and belief I see them in the way toward God that I will also experience someday when I come to die. Just in matter of time and taking turn, we will pass the cycle of life to death. “Time, which postpones possession, time, which tears us away from enjoyment, time, which condemns us all to death – what a formidable passivity is the passage of time…In death, as in an ocean, all our slow or swift diminishments flow out and merge. Death is the sum and consummation of all our diminishments…”
I am impressed with what Teilhard points out, “I, your priest, will make the whole earth my altar and on it will offer you all the labors and sufferings of the world.” This is a sort of universal spirituality in the Eucharist that I never thought before. In the Eucharist that normally I perceived as a local action in my faith, is limited in the small altar table and simple offering and sacrifice but I find difficult to include all universe in this ritual and liturgical manner. But, with the Teilhard spirituality I come to understand and convince on my practiced faith. “I will place on my paten, O God, the harvest to be won by this renewal of labor. Into my chalice I shall pour all the sap which is to be pressed out this day from the earth’s fruits.” In my journey toward missionary-religious-priesthood, I will have struggle and wrestle with my daily spirituality especially the Eucharist as a source of my spirituality and faith. I am glad that Teilhard gives me new insight to live this daily spirituality when I become a priest. “My paten and my chalice are the depths of a soul laid widely open to all the forces which in a moment will rise up from every corner of the earth and converge upon the Spirit. Grant me the remembrance and the mystic presence of all those whom the light is now awakening to the new day.” It is what I try to embrace in my prayer life, to include and remember everyone whom I know and need prayer. Moreover in Teilhard’s spirituality, I found that I am not only recalling those whom I know but also those whom I do not know, the universe and all creatures. I remember prayer of Buddhists who mentions, “May all creatures be happy.”
In terms of interreligious dialogue, I found in Teilhard, “Is there, in fact, a universal Christ, is there a divine milieu?” I have faith in Christ Jesus, but not everyone has the same like me. Maybe they have faith in ‘Christ’ as well but not in Jesus as Christ. They have faith in other ‘Christ’ that draws me in a reflection: how do I understand my ‘Christic’ teaching and personal relation? Do I see my Christ Jesus live as well in others who have different belief and religions? Do I have superior Christ in my belief system so that I neglect other’s belief in their own ‘Christ’? I hope and believe that Christ Jesus also takes shape in otherness since he says, “If you do to the least of my people, you do unto me.”
16 March 2005
Feminist/Womanist Spirituality
In our societies and religions, the structural leaderships are in the hand of men. Often times this structures oppressed women. Many rules they employ resist and limit the role of women. Maybe some people think it is a normal way that our cultures in the most part of the world practices and no need changes and criticism. The male human who are in the position of this establishment most likely will keep this system and try many efforts to stay in their ‘superiority.’ Unfortunately Christianity and more specifically the Catholicity undertake this patriarchal system. Many feminists have tried to renew the spiritual of equality but until now the Church is still convinced with their male-domination. Even the image of God as a male God is very rooted in our tradition. “The teaching of religions that the inferiority of women is experienced as betrayal of deeply felt spiritual and religions experience. They are convinced that religions must be reformed or reconstructed to support the full human dignity of women” (Carol P. Christ and Judtih J. Plaskow, Womanspirit Rising, p.1).
When I study theology in the USA (CTU) I come to realize that our Catholic tradition very much emphasizes the hegemony of men in many aspects of the Church’s life. In the other side I learn of feminist opinions in the field of Bible interpretation, liturgical and ecclesial application. My eyes are opened to the reality that women have right and voice to say in their own capacity and experience. I found a bulletin at the CTU library about ordained women conference in the USA and still they name themselves as Catholics. I question myself whether the Church really manipulates the system in many dimensions and repressed the potential of women. As a man, I do not have the same feeling of the women regards to this issue but in a spirit of openness and middle way, I do agree that the Church has many defects in the gender issues. As an individual person, probably I cannot do much to change the system but I think in the spirit of compassion and acceptance, I can contribute myself to the grievance of the women. To be emphatic to the oppressed is the message of Jesus in the modern and millennium world in nowadays that sometimes difficult to take a part of it because once I belong to the structure, willy-nilly I must be consequent to it. Realizing that most of the Church’s faithful are the women, I re-think about the spirituality of the womanist. Like Saint Augustine felt owe to his mother, Monica in his process of confession, so do I feel that my spirituality and vocation are very closely related to some women in my life such as my mother, grandmother and some women in my Catholic neighborhood. From them I learn a lot of wisdom that I live them out in my life until now. The question and duty I carry on in my shoulder as I am preparing myself toward missionary-religious-priesthood in a new millennium: how do I approach and contribute my capacity to implement the womanist spirituality to the women faithful as Jesus did to other women 2000 years ago? Elisabeth Schussler Fiorenza points out that an analysis of Christian tradition and history, however, indicates that Church and theology will transcend their own sexist ideologies only when women are granted full spiritual, theological and ecclesial equality…Only if we, women and men, are able to live in non-sexist Christian communities, to celebrate nonsexist Christian liturgies, and to think in nonsexist theological terms and imagery will we be able to formulate a genuine Christian feminist spirituality (Feminist Spirituality, Christian Identity and Catholic Vision, pp. 146, 147).
3) Hari Minggu Palma, 20 Maret 2005
Senin, 14 Maret 2005. Dalam kelas spiritualitas millennium, Barbara mempresentasikan tema Kosmologi Baru dan Teilhard de Chardin. Ia menjelaskan sebuah teori bahwa alam semesta berusia 15 milyar tahun dan kehidupan berawal di bumi ini 4 milyar tahun lalu. Nampaknya ilmu pengetahuan tidak seirama dengan ajaran agama-agama berkaitan dengan kisah penciptaan namun dalam perspektif iman kita, kendati ilmu pengetahuan dapat menjawab dan menemukan banyak hal dalam alam semesta ini, masih ada juga hal yang misteri yang kita sebagai umat manusia tidak dapat memecahkannya. Kita seharusnya tidak mempersoalkan ilmu pengetahuan dengan agama karena perhatian utama keduanya berbeda, agama berdasarkan iman (adalah dasar segala sesuatu yang kita harapkan dan bukti dari segala sesuatu yang tidak kita lihat, Ibrani 11:1) dan ilmu pengetahuan berdasarkan hal yang fisik/kasap mata dan data-data empiris.
Selasa, 15 Maret 2005. Pagi hari ini saya mengikuti kelas refleksi teologi dalam kelompok saya yang kali ini bertempat di rumah teologi tarekat Claretian dan yang mensharingkan pengalaman kerasulannya adalah Martin dan saya sendiri sebagai fasilitator. Dengan informasi dan inspirasi dari Suster Pat hari Minggu lalau di SU CASA, saya meminjam sebuah buku di perpustakaan CTU berjudul Blindfold Eyes, oleh Suster Dianna Ortiz. Ia adalah seorang biarawati Ursulin yang bertahan hidup dari pemerkosaan dan penganiayaan di Guatemala. Ini adalah sebuah cerita lain tentang seorang wanita yang menjadi korban oleh pihak militer pria yang menindas di mana pemerintah dan militer USA juga turut terlibat dalam konspirasi ini.
Rabu, 16 Maret 2005. Dalam kelas spiritualitas millennium, Mari Carmen, seorang suster dari tarekat Benedictine asal Torreon, Mexico, mempresentasikan spiritualitas feminisme/kewanitaan/mujerista. Di malam hari kami merayakan ulang tahun frater SX asal Congo yaitu Jacques Bahati (33). Saya menelpon Cik Ana, seorang teman saya asal Indonesia yang tinggal di Orlando-Florida dan ia bersama suaminya bekerja di Walt Disney di sana. Karena mereka dengan baik hati mengundang saya untuk mengunjungi mereka, saya berencana untuk melaksanakannya yaitu dari 20-27 Mei sebagai liburan saya sebelum mengikuti program CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education di Rumah Sakit Alexian Brothers) di musim panas ini (6 Juni hingga 19 Agustus 2005).
Kamis, 17 Maret 2005. Hari ini adalah peringatan ke-9 tahunnya pengukuhan pendiri Xaverian, Beato Guido Maria Conforti sebagai Beato (satu langkah sebelum menjadi santo). Di sore hari saya memasak Pizza untuk komunitas di sini dan juga makanan yang mudah dipersiapkan yang hanya memerlukan waktu untuk dipanaskan di oven namun sayangnya sayur dan jagungnya agak terbakar sedikit karena kelamaan di dalam oven sementara kami saya ikut adorasi di kapel selama satu jam.
Jumat, 18 Maret 2005. Di pagi hari saya mengikuti sebuah workshop di CTU, yaitu workshop tentang persiapan pelantikan menjadi akolit. Pastor diosesan dari Albany, New York State bernama Richard Fragomeni memandu kami dalam workshop ini dari jam 9 hingga 11.30 pagi dengan pembahasan tentang tata liturgi acara pelantikan akolit dan bagian kedua ia memberikan kepada kami semua (25 peserta dari berbagai macam tarekat religius) dokumen apostolik dari Paus Yohanes Paulus II berjudul ‘Mane Nobiscum Domine’ (Tuhan, tinggallah bersama kami), sebuah dokumen apostolik dari Paus tentang Ekaristi untuk peringatan Tahun Ekaristi, Oktober 2004 – Oktober 2005. Di sore hari pukul 3, Petrus memandu kita semua dalam retret/rekoleksi bulanan. Pada permulaan ia bermain gitar dan bersama-sama kami semua menyanyikan sebuah lagu yang bunyinya: “Holiness, holiness is what I long for…Holiness is what I need. Holiness, holiness is what you want from me. Take my heart and form it, take my mind transform it, take my will conform it (sama pula dengan kata-kata: joyfulness, prayerfulness, faithfulness).” Ia memberikan masukan dengan ceritanya tentang karakter lembu/sapi yang ia punya saat di Indonesia di kampung halamannya Wonogiri yang memamah makanan/rumput demikian pula kami semua di sini saat rekoleksi ini mencoba untuk memamah yaitu merenungkan, meningat kembali jalan kehidupan kita, pengalaman dalam komunitas dan pribadi. Lalu ia bercerita sebuah kisah lain: seorang tua bermain gitar yang diikuti oleh seorang lain lagi pemain suling, lalu juga orang lain lagi pemain piano dan orang lain lagi pemain alat musik lain. Mereka menikmati kebersamaan dalam kelompok orkestra musik ini saat mereka membangun group ini dengan kreatifitas dan persahabatan yang indah ini berdasarkan kesamaan hoby dan perasaan kebersamaan. Sayang sekali, pada akhir cerita seorang pria, yang adalah profesional dalam bidang musik bergabung dengan mereka dan berakibat besar dalam kelompok ini, yiatu pemain suling karena tidak dapat bermain dengan profesional, ia diminta berhenti lalu pemain piano yang tak dapat memenuhi harapan keprofesionalismean anggota baru ini, juga harus dipecat. Kemudian, akhirnya pemain gitar yang memulai kelompok musik ini juga dianggap tidak layak menjadi anggota kelompok ‘baru’ ini. Setelah 30 menit bercerita , Petrus memberikan saat refleksi pribadi dan saya merenungkan perikop Kitab Suci dari 2 Kor.5:11-14 (Caritas Christi Urget Nos). Saya cukup terkesan dengan ayat ke-17 dalam perikop yang sama, “Jika seorang hidup dalam Kristus, terdapat sebuah ciptaan baru…segalanya telah menjadi baru.” Kami merayakan misa pukul 5 sore lalu disambung dengan makan malam pukul 6 sore. Bagian kedua rekoleksi ini, Petrus menyediakan beberapa alat musik di kapel lalu kami menyanyikan dan bermain musik bersama-sama dengan alat-alat musik ini dengan lagu yang syairnya diulang-ulang: Caritas Christi Urget Nos (Kasih Kristus Mendorong Kami). Ini adalah motto dari pendiri Serikat Xaverian, Beato Guido Maria Conforti dan ini adalah tema skripsi Petrus saat studi filsafat teologi di Jakarta-Indonesia. Pada akhir retret ini, ia mengatakan bahwa komunitas kita juga mirip dengan cerita kelompok musik ini sebagaimana ia ceritakan pada awal retret tadi sore. Ia mengusulkan sebuah pertanyaan reflektif: bagaimana kita dapat membantu satu sama lain dalam semangat kasih dan saling percaya guna mengolah talenta kita semua dan menumbuhkembangkannya dalam komunitas kita dalam kebersamaan? Terima kasih Petrus atas kebijaksanaanmu dan kesederhanaan panduanmu untuk pertumbuhan rohani kita semua dalam saat kairos ini sementara kamu masih tinggal bersama kami semua di Hyde Park ini. Ini semua akan diingat dan dikenang oleh kami semua, suaramu kendati kamu sedang menderita flu dan pilek karena sebentar lagi kamu akan meninggalkan kami semua di sini dalam jangka waktu dua bulan ke depan.
Sabtu, 19 Maret 2005. Hari ini saya menulis jurnal mingguan ini dan mengerjakan sedikit tugas PR. Di sore hari, saya pergi ke tempat kerasulan saya di rumah retret David David Darst naik bis dan kereta CTA dan kali ini saya ambil Green line, kereta jalur hijau. Ada dua kelompok peserta retreat dalam yang dimulai hari Sabtu malam hingga lima hari ke depan, yaitu satu kelompok dari sebuah universitas yang terdiri dari 9 cewek dari Minnesota dan kelompok lainnya adalah SMA Katolik Skutt di Omaha-Nebraska. Ada juga 3 orang novis dari tarekat Salvatorian dari Milwaukee yang juga mengambil bagian dalam retret ini. Mereka adalah Reed dari Boston, Ignacio dari Colombia dan satu lagi dari New York City. Saya gembira berbincang dengan mereka yang penuh persahabatan dan mereka diundang datang ke retret ini oleh Suster Paula. Bahkan Reed yang adalah mantan calon tarekat PIME ini mengenal Pastor Ivan, provinsial SX di USA ini. Bersama dengan Gayle, seorang volunteer dan staff full time di rumah retret ini, dengan Ignacio dan Reed, saya mendampingi para peserta retret dari Nebraska ini di kapel. Sementara kelompok lainnya didampingi oleh Suster Paula dan satu novis Salvatorian. Gayle memintaku untuk memberikan sesuatu pada awal acara retreat ini, seperti biasa aku berikan permainan tali dan juga saya bagikan gambar kecil yang menunjukkan gambar Yesus. Nampaknya mereka cukup senang mencoba permainan tali saya ini dan mengambil makna yang kuberikan yaitu makna salib. Beberapa pendamping dari mereka berkata padaku bahwa mereka akan menggunakan permainan ini di sekolah mereka, untuk para guru atau para murid lain dalam retret mereka. Dalam kesempatan ini, saya mencoba untuk menyampaikan secara spontan pesan-pesan kepada para peserta retret bahwa sebelum mereka bertemu dengan orang di tempat-tempat yang akan mereka kunjungi seperti dapur umum untuk para tuna wisma, sungguh lebih baik jika mereka mencoba pertama-tama melihat wajah Yesus dalam hati mereka, menjadi sadar akan kehidupan rohani mereka sendiri lalu dengan modal ini kita datang melakukan pelayanan bagi mereka yang membutuhkan dan kita layani. Kira-kira demikian pesan saya pada malam pertama retret mereka setelah mereka menempuh perjalanan panjang selama 8 jam dari Omaha ke Chicago dengan naik mobil dan agak sedikit lelah dan letih.
Minggu, 20 Maret 2005. Di pagi hari setelah sarapan, dengan para peserta retret, saya pergi ke Gereja Katolik Holy Angel untuk merayakan misa Minggu Palma pukul 9.15 dengan gaya liturgi Afro-American. Yang membuat saya terkesan adalah semangat dari para muda dan mudi koor di gereja ini saat misa sungguh luar biasa. Saya belum pernah melihat sebuah gereja Katolik di USA ini yang memiliki banyak muda dan mudi dalam kegiatan liturgi semacam misa ini. Misa berlangsung selama 2 jam lalu saya sempat bercakap dengan pastor yang memimpin misa yaitu Robert Miller yang adalah mantan pastor dari tarekat Redemptorist selama 26 tahun dan saat ini sudah menjadi pastor projo keuskupan agung Chicago. Ia terbuka menerima kedatangan kami sebagai tamu. Kami melanjutkan perjalanan kami ke SU CASA yaitu dapur umum dan kali ini kami ikut mengantri masuk ke dapur umum untuk makan siang. Kami turut antri bersama para tuna wisma yang berdiri di luar untuk makan siang. Kami menikmati makan siang dan percakapan dengan para tuna wisma yang kebanyakan adalah orang Afro-American lalu Freida memberikan sharing tentang pengalamannya mengelola dapur umum ini. Juli salah satu sopir dan youth minister para peserta retret ini mengundangku untuk ikut tour melihat kota Chicago yaitu Danau Michigan lalu dowtown dan saya menunjukkan mereka Chinatown Chicago lalu kembali pulang ke rumah retret jam 4 sore. Kali ini saya merasa nyaman dan ‘in’ dalam kelompok retret ini khususnya mereka menerima saya dalam kelompok mereka dan juga dalam kegiatan mereka juga kami bercakap-cakap dengan cukup akrab dan menarik serta tidak lupa berfoto bersama di pinggir Danau Michigan untuk kenang-kenangan sementara cuaca cukup dingin karena angin berhembus semilir di Danau ini. Setelah tiba kembali di rumah retret, saya pergi pulang sendirian ke Hyde Park untuk melanjutkan perjalanan kehidupan saya di komunitas Xaverian tercinta. Satu minggu ke depan ini kami mendapatkan liburan masa Minggu Suci menjelang Paskah dan saya besok pagi akan pergi ke Detroit bersama Pastor Rocco, Petrus dan Pascal Atumisi untuk memberikan animasi misi di sebuah gereja Katolik dan akan kembali hari Selasa sore.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
surat ke-2 bulan Maret 2005
2) 5th Sunday of Lent, March 13, 2005
Monday, March 07, 2005. In the afternoon I had a group discussion in the class of Theology of Mission at the house of Melissa, a LSTC (Lutheran School) student. It’s a quite good discussion in which I could express my idea into words spontaneously. After arrived home, I called up Ms. Digna, the supervisor of CPE at Alexian Brothers Hospital to make sure that my letter arrives. Yes, she has received my letter and check for the CPE tuition.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005. In the morning I went to Norbertin House to have theological reflection and this time, Bill, the Norbertin deacon shared his reflection. In the afternoon I met my formator with the result that I can make final profession next year probably in March 2006 together with other Xaverian students. I accept this suggestion gratefully, flexibly and openly. So that this one year ahead is my personal preparation into definitive answer of this lifelong process vocation towards missionary-religious-priesthood. I printed out my letters to be sent to some Xaverian confreres and my family in Indonesia.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005. In the morning I borrowed 9 books at CTU library and in the afternoon I cooked for my community: Lasagna and Garlic Bread. In the evening because I had malaise on my body then I used my traditional healing (‘kerokan’ = rubbing my body and neck with a coin and oil).
Thursday, March 10, 2005. The whole day it’s snowing rather heavily. In the evening we had a community meeting about evaluation of vow of chastity.
Friday, March 11, 2005. I just remained in my room doing my journal/paper of the spirituality of a new millennium. In the evening after having supper Ignas gave me a ride to my ministry site, a retreat house, David Darst Center on 2834 South Normal Ave. There was already one group from a college in Michigan having retreat since Monday. At night, one volunteer, an old lady named Pat from Michigan, came to the retreat house.
Saturday, March 12, 2005. In the morning at 9.30, there was one sophomore high school students from San Miguel came to the retreat house then we visited a nursing home called H.O.M.E (House Opportunity Maintenance for Elderly) at Northside of Chicago, close by Loyola University. There were 10 students, and all of them Hispanic descendants. We were doing service hour, washing windows of the resident’s rooms. There were a lot of elderly people from Russia, Guatemala, and some other countries. In the afternoon together with the elderly people we played Bingo. We returned to the retreat house and prayed the closing prayer. At 4 p.m. there was another group coming from Austin, Texas. They were from Edward Catholic University, 7 college students and one coordinator. They flew from Texas since morning and rent a van car at O’Hare airport. All of them are girls and the coordinator named Margy, graduated of M.Div Loyola University Chicago, knew Alexis, a former Xaverian student in the Peacebuilders group at CTU. We had supper in the evening cooked by a new cook named Carolina. We started first session led by Sister Paula then she gave me chance to lead a rope game then I led them to prepare night prayer with Bible about the rich and the poor. I think it is the first time I spoke in front of the retreatans about the topic that matched to Sister Paula’s introduction though not too much talk.
Sunday, March 13, 2005. In the morning we went to Saint Basil Visitation Church on 51st and Garfield to attend a Mass at 9 o’clock with Afro-American liturgy then we had hospitality with the parishioners at the basement. At 11 a.m. we continued to go to SU CASA, the Catholic Worker House at 51st Street. This time, a Mercy sister, named Pat, the sister of Brother Denis Murphy, guided us to know about the history of this house. There was also one lady, a survivor of military torture from El Salvador who came to the USA in 1993. This house is used for immigrants of Latin American countries. At noon we helped out at the soup kitchen close to the SU CASA and gathered having lunch with homeless people, mostly Afro-Americans. While Pat guided the retreatans to have a tour of Chicago land, Sister Paula and I went back to the retreat house and I left the retreat house at 4 p.m. I gave some letters to Liza-Edi in order to be sent to some of my families and some Xaverian houses in Indonesia since they will depart to Indonesia this coming Thursday. I returned to Hyde Park and wrote this journal.
In my course of spirituality in a new millennium I wrote my journal as follows:
07 February 2005
Vincent Van Gogh (1853-1890)
One of the four great Post-impressionists (along with Paul Gauguin, Georges Seurat, and Paul Cézanne), Vincent van Gogh is generally considered the greatest Dutch painter after Rembrandt. His reputation is based largely on the works of the last three years of his short ten-year painting career, and he had a powerful influence on expressionism in modern art. He produced more than 800 oil paintings and 700 drawings, but he sold only one during his lifetime. His striking colors, coarse brushwork, and contoured forms display the anguish of the mental illness that drove him to suicide.
The life of Van Gogh was not smoothly flowing in a well carrier, instead he had a lot of disappointment to others such as rejected in love and had a conflict with his colleagues that drew him to solitary. 'What am I in the eyes of most people – a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person – somebody who has no position in society and never will have, in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then – even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart.' (Letter to Theo, July 21, 1882).
He tried to see his possibility become a minister of the Church but he failed and continued to pursue what his life to be. His mobility from one city to others is evident that he was searching his very meaning of life but never finished to find it. He had a good and mutual relationship to his brother, Theo, to whom he sent letters during 18-years counted 650 letters. Theo died just six months after Vincent, probably of a broken heart. The last thing Vincent done was to write to his brother, Theo and lay on his bed bleeding to death, with his letter in his hand. Vincent shot himself and took him two days in a solitary place to die.
Reading on Van Gogh’s life draws me to my own experience in searching the meaning of my life. When I was young, I also tried to see possibilities to become and to be something in my future until I found my vocation to be a religious in a missionary order of the Xaverians. Like Vincent who was enduring trials and errors in his life that cost him a solitary and deep depression and suicidal, I see myself as a person often times having fluctuation of feeling to others in relationship that is not always easy. How could I handle my downs’ life so far? I believe it is not because of me but God who loves and saves me through others so that I do not fall into danger risk of ending my life. In the spirituality of a new millennium, it is a proper example to learn of Vincent how we as individual persons relate to others without being fall into deep depression. First of all, probably we should have a deep self-knowledge of ourselves then we invite and surrender on God’s grace and love in a creative ways. Vincent gave us extraordinary example that with his dark life he could fill his life with artistic expression in producing tremendous paintings. In his painting the Sower, I read his passionate action to finish his work: “I am stopping at the ‘Sower,’ which I am working on, and which is not coming off as I should wish. Being ill, however, I have thought a lot about continuing this work and when I do it, I do it calmly, as you will soon see when I send the five or six finished canvases.” The very question to me is: how do I express my feeling in such a way that I develop myself with God’s grace for others and myself in the art of faith-hope-love? "Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony and music inside me. I see paintings or drawings in the poorest cottages, in the dirtiest corners. And my mind is driven towards these things with an irresistible momentum." (Vincent van Gogh, 21 July 1882).
14 February 2005
Therese of Lisieux (1873-1897)
Reading and reflecting on the life of Therese, I see the importance and influence of family in one’s life. Indeed, her desire to join the Carmelite monastery was influenced very much on the examples of her older sisters, namely Marie, Pauline, Celine who entered this religious life. Her idealistic life was shaped and developed by her patience, perseverance, devotion and strong relationship to Jesus. No wonder then she was named after ‘Child of Jesus.’ In her monastic life, she was struggling with her sickness and relationship to other nuns that eventually she could transform it into a virtue of LOVE. She found her life mission is to LOVE others unconditionally like Jesus did. I wonder if she did not enter a religious life, did she become an extraordinary saint? I think that the monastic life had a high factor of her sainthood in the eyes of the Catholic Church but personally, I think she would have been a saint in her life even though she would never become a nun since a holiness is not determined by one’s status or way of life. Her vocation choice plus her personality in searching God in a special way evoked a legalized sainthood in our Church. My own family also have influenced me a lot in what I am now and have shaped me in such a way in my personality I carry out in my religious life living together with my confreres from many different part of the world. It is a challenge and at the same time as a wonderful grace that I ever have in my life.
In the Carmelite life, Therese had ups and downs experience, both desolation and consolation in her spiritual and ordinary daily life. In her suffering she could unite it with Jesus’ cross. Her intimate relationship to God, she documented in her journal and letters. She could write her life memory starting her very young age in her beloved family since she had been living in the monastery. It seems that she had both positive and negative (traumatic) experience such as the death of her mother when she was four years old of age. In the suffering and joy, she put her feeling, affection, mind, idea into words of her writings. The number and content of her writing are evident as a fruit of her passionate, reflective and fervent effort in her young age. I am very touched with her writing regarding her suffering experience as she wrote: “I suffer, the more Isuffer the more I love; the more I love the more Iwant to suffer. I suffer, I love, I no longer suffer…abandonment the only confess.” It gives me courage to endure my own suffering in my life when there seems no hope and no love. I come to realize that I can be strongly grateful to little grace when I have experienced ‘suffering’. In term of spirituality in a new millennium, I can say that Therese’ life has inspired many people to be aware of the little things in ordinary life and try to connect both hidden spiritual and busyness life toward balance integration of love both vertically and horizontally. 15 February 2005.
Thomas Merton (1915-1968)
I am impressed by Merton’s spirituality that never satisfied to settle in one spirituality but always tried to find the meaning of life in solitude, concerned on social problem even world problem, opened to other spirituality especially between West and East, and paradox in his life journey in many aspects. In my own journal I jotted down some quotations of Merton which I am interested to ponder them and reflect them to my own life. In this reflection I just simply quote them and comment with my own words as follow.
“This kind of monasticism cannot be extinguished. It is imperishable. It represents an instinct of the human heart, and it represents a charism given by God to man. It cannot be rooted out, because it does not depend on man. It does not depend on cultural factors, and it does not depend on sociological or psychological factors. It is something much deeper.” He finished the talk, suggesting that questions wait until the evening session and concluded with the words, “So I will disappear” (The last words of Thomas Merton, OCSO). Merton’s conviction on the syle of monastic life is a kind of prophetic message in our days as we enter a crisis of vocation in the religious life. His last words before he died tragically really gave us a puzzled meaning in many different interpretations. For many people before they close to die, they give a sign and last message that will be remembered by others. That was happened to Merton’s life that his hidden monastic life he embraced showed a deep meaning his never ending spirituality in his effort to connect between world’s issues and contemplative life.
“In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all those people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. It was like waking from a dream of separateness of spurious self-isolation in a special world, the world of renunciation and supposed holiness. The whole illusion of a separate holy existence is a dream. Not that I question the reality of my vocation, or of my monastic life: but the conception of ‘separation from the world’ that we have in the monastery too easily presents itself as a complete illusion: the illusion that by making vows we become a different species of being, pseudo-angels, ‘spiritual men,’ men of interior life, what have you. …Thank God, thank God that I am like other men, that I am only a man among others.” Merton in his spiritual search came to realize that his solitude life has no difference to others who live in a mundane life. He even was grateful to be one of the ordinary people and trying to question his monastic life. In my own religious life as well, I should be more aware on my conviction that I am not different to others who live out there. I come from an ordinary family and I still one of them then try to be better in this religious life I have chosen in order to be fruitfully bear love to others. Needless to say that I am the same and at the same time I am different with others who live in non religious life.
“Hate is the seed of death in my own heart, while it seeks the death of the other. Love is the seed of life in my own heart when it seeks the good of other.” I always wonder to some people who always complain to other’s behavior and talk negatively as if they have perfect life. Trying to understand others in their positive and negative sides is a lifelong process even to understand oneself is never ending duty in this world. I am a mystery person and also others, so why we have seeds of hatred when we do not know fully ourselves. When I hate others, my heart will not be in peace, so better I pray and wish the best in their life journey. In so doing I will be peace in my heart and peace to others that I will never imagine. It works so far in praying other’s relationship which is damaged by this kind of hatred. My duty as a member of my own family and a minister to bring peace and keep others in my daily prayer so that reconciliation becomes real in other’s life.
“So instead of loving what you think is peace, love other men and love God above all. And instead of hating the people you think are warmakers, hate the appetites and the disorder in your own soul, which are the causes of war. If you love peace then hate injustice, hate tyranny, hate greed but hate these things in yourself not in another.” Merton’s remark leads me to see firstly my own heart and life that I believe never finish to work on them in order to be pure in my action. Who am I able to see other’s weaknesses and disable to see clearly my own defects? “For me to be a saint means to be myself. Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and of discovering my true self.”
“Our service of God and of the Church does not consist only in talking and doing. It can also consist in periods of silence, listening and waiting. Perhaps it is very important, in our era of violence and unrest, to rediscover meditation, silent inner unitive prayer, and creative Christian silence.” To face God first of all we should be in a silent manner in order to be ready to listen God’s voice. At the same attitude when we face others, we should take a silent moment listening to their stories in such a way so that they find a good minister who is really a good and attentive listener to their needs and grievances and responsively answering them after confronting God’s voice in silent and attentive states. We should convince ourselves that not us who minister them but God who lives and acts through us, so that we walk humbley with God in this ministry.
“The secret of my identity is hidden in the love and mercy of God. If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him…The only One who can teach me to find God is God, Himself alone.” This quotation ensures my prayer life in times of struggling to find out my own self and the meaning of little events I have in my life that finally I have to return to God who is the source and myster of my life. If I have a sensitive feeling of God’s voice, I should come and unite my will, dream, feeling and acts into it. Only in a mindfulness and silence, can I catch God’s message.
This prayer of Merton is really empowering my faith to surrender totally to God’s hand. It is the basic meaning of faith that without knowing the surety I put my total trust into it, let God arrange and take care of my destiny toward God’s kingdom even though all I face is always mysterious ways in crooked paths.
Merton’s Famous PrayerMy Lord GodI have no idea where I am going.I do not see the road ahead of me.I cannot know for certain where it will end.Nor do I really understand myself.And the fact that I think I am followingYour will does not mean I am actually doing so.But I believe that the desire to please youDoes in fact please you.And I hope I have desire in all that I am doing.I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right roadThough I may know nothing about it.Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost in the shadow of death.I will not fear you are ever with me andYou will never leave me to face my troubles alone.
01 March 2005
Dorothy Day (1897 – 1980)
In the spirituality of a new millennium class, I learned about Dorothy Day and I quote her interesting statements I selected of a book about her in my own weekly journal then I write some reflection upon them.
“Our good readers absolve us from any charges of anticlericalism as they read these rather severe articles on the Church and work. They know that the wish of our heart is to bring closer together the priest and the people. There is a great division between two, and one of the very reasons for the Catholic Worker’s existence is to bridge this gap.” Even though Dorothy knew that the Catholic Church has dark side but she still believed and tried to match people to obey the Church (the authority). It is a hard duty and cordial effort that needs strong inner power to deal with because this kind of tension more often draws to depression and leaving the establishment, namely the Church. She was very faithful to Catholic’s religious practice such as prayer, daily Mass, meditation on the Bible. The Catholic Worker can exist until now because of this vision and mission, namely to connect the power of the Church and the people of God. If it makes separation, sooner or later, it will disappear.
“Poverty is a strange and elusive thing. I have tried to write about it, its joys and its sorrows, for twenty years now; I could probably write about it for another twenty years without conveying what I feel about it as well as I would like. I condemn poverty and I advocate it; poverty is simple and complex at once; it is a social phenomenon and a personal matter. It is a paradox.” Dorothy had very strong concern about the situation of poverty that she perceived as enemy to be overcome. In dealing with it, she realized that it will never finish to wipe out the poverty since it is more than personal matter but moreover social structure that makes people poor and fall in destitution. It is an utopia to kill poverty because people are bound in sins of greedy and proud so that always deep gap separate those two polars both the poor and the rich.
“The mystery of the poor is this: That they are Jesus, and what you do for them you do for Him. It is the only way we have of knowing and believing in our love. The mystery of poverty is that by sharing in it, making ourselves poor in giving to others, we increase our knowledge of and belief in love.” I am touched every time I enter the chapel of my ministry, a retreat house, where there is a mural of black and white colour depicting Jesus in the middle of people who take turn in line having food in a soup kitchen. What we do to the least of our brothers/sisters, we do to Jesus our Lord. When we do service with the retreatans in some shelters, I encounter Jesus in many faces of the poor and the needy. It is always struck me to see many people who are need attention and material need even in the richest country like the USA. I wonder with the reality that a lot of food is just thrown away every day and at the same time many people are hunger of food. Why is it happened? How do we connect this surplus and minus so that all get their part justly?
“Sometimes, I think the purpose of the Catholic Worker, quite aside from all our social aims, is to show the providence of God, how God loves us. We are a family, not an institution, in atmosphere, and so we address ourselves especially to families, who have all the woes of insecurity, sin, sickness, and death, side by side with all the joys of family. We talk about what we are doing, because we constantly wonder at the miracle of our continuance.” I believe that if we are doing God’s work and mission, even though it seems hard and impossible but it will be fulfilled eventually. I think it is the faith that Dorothy had in facing difficulty of many aspects and dimensions of her effort in the Catholic Worker. As a minsiter I called to be like so, namely, as an agent of God’s love and providence to the needy. In my own experience, it is my pleasure if I can connect one another in mutual relationship, not for my advantage but for others need. I think about a Buddhist teaching that mentions, “The highest peace of someone if she/he gives help to others.” It is very true that what I do to others without hope receive reply, it will give me peace in my deep heart.
“The most significant thing about the Catholic Worker is poverty, some say. The most significant thing is community, others say. We are not alone anymore. But the final word is love….We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.” Once again love and love to be a core theme in life of hero and heroine. The art to love and to be loved determine steps and paths of others to walk together toward ideal and dream. Dorothy had a dream to unite all people who need hospitality in one roof regardless their background. It is not always easy to bear it especially dealing with legal institution such as government, politic and even the Church. Love if it is legalized it will become rigid but if it is practiced in a flexible and creative ways it will lead to enthusiasm and authenticitiy of many people. In my experience in visiting some nursing homes, I have impression that our love that we share to elderly people is just limited to fit our schedule. We do not know whether they need our presence or not but what I know is it is a timetable that the retreat has and we should fulfill it. It requires my own attention that should have been beyond the schedule but out of love and generosity and also authenticity of my heart. This is my weekly journal I wrote last week regards my ministry at a retreat house: “Before noon we visited a nursing home and played Bingo with elderly people there and most of them Afro-Americans. We were coming back to the retreat house then having lunch (hamburger) then watching a video about Dorothy Day. Since they will finish their retreat this night, I went home earlier in the afternoon and next week I will go there again since there will be three groups for the retreat. I went home by CTA train: Orange, Green lines and a bus no. 15.” I am questioning myself: how do I deal with others who are not my concern beside people in my ministry? Do I care to others surround me who are so different to me and I have nothing to do with them? What is my sensitivity towards them as a human, religious and minister? All of these are bothered me as I see my quality of my life in the relationship to others.
“Buddhists teach that a man’s life is divided into three parts: the first part for education and growing up; the second for continued learning, through marriage and raising a family, involvement with the life of the senses, the mind, and the spirit; and the third period, the time of withdrawal from responsibility, letting go of the things of this life, letting God take over.” Dorothy was open to other spirituality especially if it gives real mening in the universal life of people. She believed that everything she had done would be given up to God alone since she was just God’s tool in this divine work. She was just an actor of God’s mission to love people unreservedly and she knew how to surrender only to God’s providence in her dusk age. The spirituality of letting go is not only suitable to old people but it invites me also to relativize and depend on God’s plan. I have plan for my future but at the same time also I should offer to God’s will. Not my will and my plan, O God but yours, that make me happy in this life. Let it be done according to your word only.
“The one thing that makes our work easier most certainly is the love we bear for each other and for the people for whom we work. The work becomes difficult only when there is quarreling and dissension and when one’s own heart is filled with a spirit of criticism.” Love is the greatest virtue in our faith that is used massively by many people in the world but sometimes without meaning and commitment. Love is not merely feeling to someone or something but moreover it is a commitment that needs to be renew day-to-day and time-to-time in the struggle of one’s life. It is a lifelong process that love is tested in ups and downs mood. Love is a clasis word and at the same time love is never ending story in human history in the world. I remember with a teaching of one of my philosophy professors who says: “To love and to be loved as a human being is a highest meaning in the life.” With love, many things that seem difficult can be overcome unbelievably. In the new millennium spirituality, I think love is always relevant to everybody because the more modern and complex our world, the more people need attention in their personal life and communication in pure love is difficult to find because most people are busy with their own agenda. In accord with this love, Dorothy stated confidently: “Love and ever more love is the only solution to every problem that comes up. If we love each other enough, we will bear with each other’s faults and burdens. If we love enough, we are going to light that fire in the hearts of others. And it is love that will burn out the sins and hatreds that sadden us. It is love that will make us want to do great things for each other. No sacrifice and no suffering will then seem too much.”
07 March 2005
Simone Weil (1909-1943)
“No human being escapes the necessity of conceiving some good outside him/herself towards which his/her thought turns in a movement of desire, supplication and hope.”
Simone Weil was a moral and political philosopher, teacher, activist, and mystic that searched for truth and ways to overcome the injustices of the world. Her philosophical pursuits began in her youth as she studied at the best schools in Paris and continued until her untimely death. Weil focused her philosophical inquires on social and political injustices and religious inquiry. She wrote mainly in essays and her thought can be characterized as a combination of Marx and Plato that centered on the goal of alleviating oppression and suffering.
Refusing to eat more than the rations of those on relief, Weil distributed her salary to welfare funds and workers' newspapers, and grew extremely thin. Eating, for Weil, represents our willful attachment to the world. Instead of "eating," she writes in Gravity and Grace, we should simply "look": "Looking is what saves us." Weil's brand of renunciation is not, however, a life-denying repression of desire: "If [Eve] had been hungry at the moment when she looked at the fruit," she muses, "if in spite of that she had remained looking at it indefinitely without taking one step toward it, she would have performed a miracle..." To desire and to renounce at once that is the mode of the anorexic. A refusal to "eat" (seek to possess, control) that for which one hungers is a way of honoring that which is eternally beautiful in the world: "We want to eat all the other objects of desire. The beautiful is that which we desire without wishing to eat it. We desire that it should be."
After lecturing her students that "The family is legalized prostitution... The wife is a lover reduced to slavery," she was transferred to a school in another town.
Weil incessantly pursued the truth in intellectualism and many other ancient resources including religions. It is a typical of spirituality in a new millennium, namely, one does not finish to dig deep knowledge of the truth that can be drawn from wide-diverse spirituality until one feels a certain religious experience that is struck him/her. The truth and wisdom itself can be found in every teaching and idealism but the complete and total truth will never be gotten in this world. Like Saint Augustine says, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You.” Forced to stop teaching because of migraines, Weil became increasingly obsessed with metaphysical questions. Adding to her encyclopedic knowledge of everything from Homeric poetry to the latest findings in mathematical theory, she began to study the Manicheans, the Gnostics, the Pythagoreans, the Stoics, Taoism, Buddhism. She devoured the Egyptian Book of the Dead, and was so impressed by the Bhagavad-Gita that she began to teach herself Sanskrit. Then, at a Benedictine Abbey, while listening to a Gregorian chant at the moment her migraine was at its worst, she "experienced the joy and bitterness of Christ's passion as a real event" and for the first time began to think of herself as a religious person.
In Marseilles, Weil also met Father Joseph-Marie Perrin, a Catholic priest impressed with her thinking about Christianity. Weil refused his offer to baptize her, insisting that "I do not want to be adopted into a circle, to live among people who say 'we' and to be part of an 'us,' to find I am 'at home' in any human milieu whatever it may be... I feel that it is necessary and ordained that I should be alone, a stranger and an exile in relation to every human circle without exception." Perrin, who eventually published Weil's letters to him, along with some essays, as Attente de Dieu (Waiting For God) introduced her to Gustave Thibon, a lay theologian in charge of a Catholic agricultural colony. There, working in the fields and vineyards during harvest, Weil was finally far enough away from her family to practice asceticism the way she'd always wanted to: She worked alongside agricultural laborers, slept in a sleeping bag on the floor, and ate nothing but onions and tomatoes. She also wrote a lot. Weil's journals of the early '40s are both entertaining and terrifying, since her writing by then was a combination of the dry, eminently rational prose style she'd long perfected and a despairing mysticism. The result of her attempt to fuse ancient Greek ideas of the impersonal and the contemplative with Catholicism is a body of thought, which seems insane and true at the same time.
Weil never became Catholic but she experienced the fruit of Catholicism; that’s why she was called the saint of churchless. In nowadays, probably many people do not belong to a certain church but they practice spirituality and values of the Gospel that Jesus inherited to us. Then, we call them as anonymous Christian (Karl Rahner). In the Interreligious Dialogue, often times I found many interesting wisdom that I perceive in accord to my Catholic spirituality even deeper touching my heart. The never ending reflection is how do I search the seed of the Word in everything I see then draw them to my own Christian faith? In my Xaverian spirituality I am taught, “to see, to seek and to love Christ in everything” (“In Omnibus Christus” = Christ in everything).
09 March 2005Oscar Romero (1917-1980)
“The Church: called to repentance; called to prophesy.”
“A church that suffers no persecution but enjoys the privileges and support of the things of the earth—beware!—is not the true church of Jesus Christ” (Archbishop Oscar Romero, March 11,1979).
What have we made of our world? When Jesus of Nazareth proclaimed that he is resurrection and life, he filled that witness with content. Resurrection and life are about love and care for one another, about feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless, loving the most rejected and outcast. They are about sharing from our wealth and abundance so that no one is without what they need for a dignified life. They are about the power to raise from the dead, to become unbound, free of bondage to death and sin.
Our world is scarred by injustice, by increasing disparity in wealth, by fabulous affluence for the few, and increasing poverty for the majority, by rising social violence and the disintegration of communities and societies because of this injustice, insecurity and fear. This is the bondage of sin.
Our church is called to repentance for the role it, and we as the people of God have played in creating this world. By what we and our church have done to create this condition of injustice, and by what we have not done to confront and overcome this sin of the world.
On the anniversary of the martyrdom of the great prophet of the Americas, Archbishop Oscar Romero, murdered by an assassin's bullet on March 24, 1980, let us ponder his words as he calls our churches to conversion, repentance and prophecy:
"A PREACHING THAT DOES NOT POINT OUT SIN is not the preaching of the gospel. A preaching that makes sinners feel good, so that they are secured in their sinful state, betrays the gospel's call. A preaching that does not discomfit sinners but lulls them in their sin leaves Zebulun and Naphtali in the shadow of death" (Jan. 22, 1978).
"TO TRY TO PREACH without referring to the history one preaches in is not to preach the gospel. Many would like a preaching so spiritualistic that it leaves sinners unbothered and does not term idolaters those who kneel before money and power. A preaching that says nothing of the sinful environment in which the gospel is reflected upon is not the gospel" (Feb. 18, 1979).
Does the preaching of my church, my community, reflect this commitment to challenge the sinful environment of our world, even to the point of causing discomfort, including my own discomfort?
"THE CHURCH, IN ITS ZEAL TO CONVERT to the gospel, is seeing that its place is by the side of the poor, of the outraged, of the rejected, and that in their names it too must speak out and demand their rights. But many persons belonging to the upper classes and feeling as if they own the church, think that the church is abandoning them and slipping away from its spiritual mission. It is no longer preaches what is spiritual, it only preaches politics. It's not that. The church is pointing out sin, and society must listen to that accusation and be converted and so become what God wants" (July 8,1979).
Is my church clearly on the side of the poor, even to the point of naming sin in our world and its causes, even to the point of risking the discomfort of the wealthy and complacent? Do I, does my church, instead prefer a preaching that lulls, that makes me feel comfortable, rather than one that challenges and causes discomfort about the state of sin in our world and our responsibility for it? Am I, is my congregation or community, willing to listen when this sin is pointed out, and so be converted?
"THIS IS THE MISSION ENTRUSTED TO the church, a hard mission: to uproot sins from history, to uproot sins from the political order, to uproot sins from the economy, to uproot sins wherever they are" (Jan. 15, 1978).
"THE CHURCH IS OBLIGED by its evangelical mission to demand structural changes that favor the reign of God and a more just and comradely way of life. Unjust social structures are the roots of all violence and disturbances. How hard and conflicting are the results of evangelical duty! Those who benefit from obsolete structures react selfishly to any kind of change" (Nov. 1979).
"THE CHURCH CAN BE CHURCH only as long as it goes on being the Body of Christ. Its mission will be authentic only so long as it is the mission of Jesus in the new situations, the new circumstances of history. The criterion that will guide the church will be neither the approval of, nor the fear of, men and women, no matter how powerful or threatening they may be. It is the church's duty in history to lend its voice to Christ so that he may speak, its feet so that he may walk today's world, its hands to build the reign of God . . . " (Aug. 6, 1977).
Does the church fulfill this mission, this duty? Do I call my church to this mission? Am I involved in it? Does my church, do I as a member of my church, really believe enough in the incarnate God in Christ to live the brave and risky mission to which the church is called in our world?
"THE CHURCH, LIKE JESUS, HAS TO GO on denouncing sin in our own day. It has to denounce the selfishness that is hidden in everyone's heart, the sin that dehumanizes persons, destroys families, and turns money, possessions, profit, and power into the ultimate ends for which persons strive. And, like everyone who has the smallest degree of foresight, the slightest capacity for analysis, the church has also to denounce what has rightly been called 'structural sin:' those social, economic, cultural, and political structures that effectively drive the majority of our people onto the margins of society. When the church hears the cry of the oppressed it cannot but denounce the social structures that give rise to and perpetuate the misery from which the cry arises" (Aug. 6, 1977).
"WHAT STARTS CONFLICTS AND PERSECUTIONS, what marks the genuine church, is when the word, burning like the word of the prophets, proclaims to the people and accuses: proclaims God's wonders to be believed and venerated, and accuses of sin those who oppose Cod's reign, so that they may tear that sin out of their hearts, out of their societies, out of their laws—out of the structures that oppress, that imprison, that violate the rights of God and of humanity . . . God's Spirit goes with the prophet, with the preacher, for He is Christ, who keeps on proclaiming God's reign to the people of all times" (Dec. 10, 1977).
2) Hari Minggu Masa Pra-Paskah ke-5, 13 Maret 2005
Senin, 07 Maret 2005. Di sore hari saya mengadakan diskusi kelompok untuk matakuliah Sejarah teologi misi di rumah Melissa seorang murid LSTC (Lutheran School). Diskusi ini cukup menarik karena saya dapat mengekspresikan ide-ide dan pengalaman saya sendiri secara spontan. Setelah tiba di rumah, saya menelpon Ms. Digna di rumah sakit Alexian Brothers untuk mengecek secara pasti bahwa surat jawaban saya serta check $ 100 sudah diterima dan memang sudah diterima sebagai uang muka untuk program CPE saya di musim panas nanti.
Selasa, 08 Maret 2005. Pagi hari saya pergi ke rumah tarekat Norbertin untuk kuliah refleksi teologi dan kali ini Bill frater diakon Norbertin mensharingkan refleksi kerasulannya. Di sore hari saya bertemu formator saya dengan hasil bahwa saya dapat maju ke kaul kekal yaitu tahun depan mungkin di bulan Maret 2006 bersama dengan frater SX lainnya. Saya menerima usulan ini dengan penuh syukur dan penuh kefleksibelan dan terbuka karena sebelumnya saya sudah dijanjikan maju kaul kekal bulan November 2005 ini. Maka dalam waktu satu tahun ke depan ini saya mempersiapkan diri lebih masak untuk jawaban definitif dari proses panggilan yang cukup panjang menuju imamat misioner dalam hidup bakti. Saya mencetak surat-surat saya untuk saya kirimkan ke Indonesia yaitu beberapa wisma SX dan para saudara saya di Indonesia.
Rabu, 09 Maret 2005. Di pagi hari saya meminjam 9 buku dari perpustakaan CTU dan di sore harinya saya memasak untuk komunitas yaitu Lasagna dan roti bawang. Di sore hari saya sakit tidak enak badan lalu kugunakan resep manjurku yaitu kerokan.
Kamis, 10 Maret 2005. Sepanjang hari ini hujan salju cukup banyak dan lebat. Di sore hari kami mengadakan rapat komunitas dengan agenda evaluasi proyek hidup bersama tentang kaul kemurnian.
Jumat, 11 Maret 2005. Saya tetap tinggal di kamar untuk mengetik paper tentang jurnal kuliah spiritualitas millennium. Di sore hari setelah doa jalan salib di kapel dan makan malam, saya diantar Ignas ke rumah retret, David Darst tempat kerasulan saya di Jalan 2834 South Normal Ave. Ada sebuah kelompok yang sudah memulai retret sejak hari Senin lalu yaitu dari sebuah universitas di Michigan. Malam harinya, ada satu volunter lagi yaitu seorang ibu tua bernama Pat dari Michigan datang ke rumah retret ini untuk membantu retret seminggu ke depan ini.
Sabtu, 12 Maret 2005. Pagi hari pukul 9.30, ada satu kelompok kelas dua SMU dari sekolah San Miguel datang ke rumah retret untuk retret sehari lalu kami mengunjungi sebuah rumah panti jompo yang dinamakan H.O.M.E (House Opportunity Maintenance for Elderly) di sebelah Utara Chicago, dekat dengan kampus Universitas Loyola. Ada 10 anak sekolah yang ikut acara ini dan mereka semua adalah keturunan Hispanic/ Amerika Latin. Kami melakukan pelayanan dengan membersihkan jendela kamar para lansia yang tinggal di rumah jompo ini. Banyak dari para lansia ini berasal dari Rusia, ada pula dari Guatemala dan negara-negara lainnya. Di siang harinya kami bermain BINGO bersama mereka. Kami kembali ke rumah retret untuk acara doa penutupan. Pukul 4 sore datang lagi satu kelompok dari Austin, Texas. Mereka adalah dari Universitas Katolik Edward, 7 mahasiswi dan satu koordinator. Mereka terbang dari Texas sejak pagi tadi dan menyewa sebuah mobil van dari bandara O’Hare. Mereka semua adalah cewek dan koordinatornya yang adalah lulusan M.Div Universitas Loyola Chicago mengenal Alexis mantan frater SX dari acara Peacebuilder di CTU. Kami makan malam bersama yang kali ini ada satu tukang masak yaitu Carolina. Kami mulai acara retret dengan sesion pertama dipimpin oleh Suster Paula lalu ia memberikan kesempatan padaku untuk memimpin permainan tali dengan makna salib lalu juga memandu mereka mempersiapkan doa malam dengan tema si kaya dan si miskin dari Kitab Suci. Saya kira ini kali pertamanya saya berbicara di depan para peserta retret tentang tema utama retret yang mashi berhubungan dengan apa yang dibicarakan Suster Paula sebelumnya meskipun tidak terlalu banyak saya bicara, namun cukuplah mengena pada intinya.
Minggu, 13 Maret 2005. Pagi hari kami pergi mengikuti misa di Gereja Santo Basil Visitasi di jalan 51st dan Garfield pukul 9 pagi dengan gaya liturgi Afro-Amerika lalu setelah misa kami ke basement untuk ramah tamah dengan umat. Pukul 11 kami melanjutkan pergi ke SU CASA, sebuah rumah bekas biara Fransiskan lalu dipakai untuk Catholic Worker House di Jalan 51st. Kali ini seorang suster tua dari tarekat Mercy bernama Suster Pat yang adalah saudari kandung Bruder Denis Murphy, memandu kami mengenal tentang sejarah rumah ini. Ada pula seorang ibu, yang selamat dari penganiayaan militer dari El Salvador yang mengungsi ke USA tahun 1993. Rumah ini digunakan untuk para imigran dari negara-negara Amerika Latin. Siang harinya kami membantu di dapur umum/soup kitchen dekat dengan SU CASA ini dan bersama-sama dengan para tuna wisma kebanyakan adalah Afro-Amerikan makan siang bersama. Sementara Pat memandu para peserta retret ini melakukan tour mengenal Chicago, saya bersama Suster Paula kembali ke rumah retret dan pukul 4 sore saya meninggalkan rumah retret. Saya pergi ke rumah Lisa-Edi untuk menitipkan beberapa surat untuk para keluarga saya serta beberapa rumah/wisma Xaverian di Indonesia karena mereka akan pulang ke Indonesia hari Kamis ini. Saya kembali ke Hyde Park dan menulis jurnal ini.
Monday, March 07, 2005. In the afternoon I had a group discussion in the class of Theology of Mission at the house of Melissa, a LSTC (Lutheran School) student. It’s a quite good discussion in which I could express my idea into words spontaneously. After arrived home, I called up Ms. Digna, the supervisor of CPE at Alexian Brothers Hospital to make sure that my letter arrives. Yes, she has received my letter and check for the CPE tuition.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005. In the morning I went to Norbertin House to have theological reflection and this time, Bill, the Norbertin deacon shared his reflection. In the afternoon I met my formator with the result that I can make final profession next year probably in March 2006 together with other Xaverian students. I accept this suggestion gratefully, flexibly and openly. So that this one year ahead is my personal preparation into definitive answer of this lifelong process vocation towards missionary-religious-priesthood. I printed out my letters to be sent to some Xaverian confreres and my family in Indonesia.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005. In the morning I borrowed 9 books at CTU library and in the afternoon I cooked for my community: Lasagna and Garlic Bread. In the evening because I had malaise on my body then I used my traditional healing (‘kerokan’ = rubbing my body and neck with a coin and oil).
Thursday, March 10, 2005. The whole day it’s snowing rather heavily. In the evening we had a community meeting about evaluation of vow of chastity.
Friday, March 11, 2005. I just remained in my room doing my journal/paper of the spirituality of a new millennium. In the evening after having supper Ignas gave me a ride to my ministry site, a retreat house, David Darst Center on 2834 South Normal Ave. There was already one group from a college in Michigan having retreat since Monday. At night, one volunteer, an old lady named Pat from Michigan, came to the retreat house.
Saturday, March 12, 2005. In the morning at 9.30, there was one sophomore high school students from San Miguel came to the retreat house then we visited a nursing home called H.O.M.E (House Opportunity Maintenance for Elderly) at Northside of Chicago, close by Loyola University. There were 10 students, and all of them Hispanic descendants. We were doing service hour, washing windows of the resident’s rooms. There were a lot of elderly people from Russia, Guatemala, and some other countries. In the afternoon together with the elderly people we played Bingo. We returned to the retreat house and prayed the closing prayer. At 4 p.m. there was another group coming from Austin, Texas. They were from Edward Catholic University, 7 college students and one coordinator. They flew from Texas since morning and rent a van car at O’Hare airport. All of them are girls and the coordinator named Margy, graduated of M.Div Loyola University Chicago, knew Alexis, a former Xaverian student in the Peacebuilders group at CTU. We had supper in the evening cooked by a new cook named Carolina. We started first session led by Sister Paula then she gave me chance to lead a rope game then I led them to prepare night prayer with Bible about the rich and the poor. I think it is the first time I spoke in front of the retreatans about the topic that matched to Sister Paula’s introduction though not too much talk.
Sunday, March 13, 2005. In the morning we went to Saint Basil Visitation Church on 51st and Garfield to attend a Mass at 9 o’clock with Afro-American liturgy then we had hospitality with the parishioners at the basement. At 11 a.m. we continued to go to SU CASA, the Catholic Worker House at 51st Street. This time, a Mercy sister, named Pat, the sister of Brother Denis Murphy, guided us to know about the history of this house. There was also one lady, a survivor of military torture from El Salvador who came to the USA in 1993. This house is used for immigrants of Latin American countries. At noon we helped out at the soup kitchen close to the SU CASA and gathered having lunch with homeless people, mostly Afro-Americans. While Pat guided the retreatans to have a tour of Chicago land, Sister Paula and I went back to the retreat house and I left the retreat house at 4 p.m. I gave some letters to Liza-Edi in order to be sent to some of my families and some Xaverian houses in Indonesia since they will depart to Indonesia this coming Thursday. I returned to Hyde Park and wrote this journal.
In my course of spirituality in a new millennium I wrote my journal as follows:
07 February 2005
Vincent Van Gogh (1853-1890)
One of the four great Post-impressionists (along with Paul Gauguin, Georges Seurat, and Paul Cézanne), Vincent van Gogh is generally considered the greatest Dutch painter after Rembrandt. His reputation is based largely on the works of the last three years of his short ten-year painting career, and he had a powerful influence on expressionism in modern art. He produced more than 800 oil paintings and 700 drawings, but he sold only one during his lifetime. His striking colors, coarse brushwork, and contoured forms display the anguish of the mental illness that drove him to suicide.
The life of Van Gogh was not smoothly flowing in a well carrier, instead he had a lot of disappointment to others such as rejected in love and had a conflict with his colleagues that drew him to solitary. 'What am I in the eyes of most people – a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person – somebody who has no position in society and never will have, in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then – even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart.' (Letter to Theo, July 21, 1882).
He tried to see his possibility become a minister of the Church but he failed and continued to pursue what his life to be. His mobility from one city to others is evident that he was searching his very meaning of life but never finished to find it. He had a good and mutual relationship to his brother, Theo, to whom he sent letters during 18-years counted 650 letters. Theo died just six months after Vincent, probably of a broken heart. The last thing Vincent done was to write to his brother, Theo and lay on his bed bleeding to death, with his letter in his hand. Vincent shot himself and took him two days in a solitary place to die.
Reading on Van Gogh’s life draws me to my own experience in searching the meaning of my life. When I was young, I also tried to see possibilities to become and to be something in my future until I found my vocation to be a religious in a missionary order of the Xaverians. Like Vincent who was enduring trials and errors in his life that cost him a solitary and deep depression and suicidal, I see myself as a person often times having fluctuation of feeling to others in relationship that is not always easy. How could I handle my downs’ life so far? I believe it is not because of me but God who loves and saves me through others so that I do not fall into danger risk of ending my life. In the spirituality of a new millennium, it is a proper example to learn of Vincent how we as individual persons relate to others without being fall into deep depression. First of all, probably we should have a deep self-knowledge of ourselves then we invite and surrender on God’s grace and love in a creative ways. Vincent gave us extraordinary example that with his dark life he could fill his life with artistic expression in producing tremendous paintings. In his painting the Sower, I read his passionate action to finish his work: “I am stopping at the ‘Sower,’ which I am working on, and which is not coming off as I should wish. Being ill, however, I have thought a lot about continuing this work and when I do it, I do it calmly, as you will soon see when I send the five or six finished canvases.” The very question to me is: how do I express my feeling in such a way that I develop myself with God’s grace for others and myself in the art of faith-hope-love? "Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony and music inside me. I see paintings or drawings in the poorest cottages, in the dirtiest corners. And my mind is driven towards these things with an irresistible momentum." (Vincent van Gogh, 21 July 1882).
14 February 2005
Therese of Lisieux (1873-1897)
Reading and reflecting on the life of Therese, I see the importance and influence of family in one’s life. Indeed, her desire to join the Carmelite monastery was influenced very much on the examples of her older sisters, namely Marie, Pauline, Celine who entered this religious life. Her idealistic life was shaped and developed by her patience, perseverance, devotion and strong relationship to Jesus. No wonder then she was named after ‘Child of Jesus.’ In her monastic life, she was struggling with her sickness and relationship to other nuns that eventually she could transform it into a virtue of LOVE. She found her life mission is to LOVE others unconditionally like Jesus did. I wonder if she did not enter a religious life, did she become an extraordinary saint? I think that the monastic life had a high factor of her sainthood in the eyes of the Catholic Church but personally, I think she would have been a saint in her life even though she would never become a nun since a holiness is not determined by one’s status or way of life. Her vocation choice plus her personality in searching God in a special way evoked a legalized sainthood in our Church. My own family also have influenced me a lot in what I am now and have shaped me in such a way in my personality I carry out in my religious life living together with my confreres from many different part of the world. It is a challenge and at the same time as a wonderful grace that I ever have in my life.
In the Carmelite life, Therese had ups and downs experience, both desolation and consolation in her spiritual and ordinary daily life. In her suffering she could unite it with Jesus’ cross. Her intimate relationship to God, she documented in her journal and letters. She could write her life memory starting her very young age in her beloved family since she had been living in the monastery. It seems that she had both positive and negative (traumatic) experience such as the death of her mother when she was four years old of age. In the suffering and joy, she put her feeling, affection, mind, idea into words of her writings. The number and content of her writing are evident as a fruit of her passionate, reflective and fervent effort in her young age. I am very touched with her writing regarding her suffering experience as she wrote: “I suffer, the more Isuffer the more I love; the more I love the more Iwant to suffer. I suffer, I love, I no longer suffer…abandonment the only confess.” It gives me courage to endure my own suffering in my life when there seems no hope and no love. I come to realize that I can be strongly grateful to little grace when I have experienced ‘suffering’. In term of spirituality in a new millennium, I can say that Therese’ life has inspired many people to be aware of the little things in ordinary life and try to connect both hidden spiritual and busyness life toward balance integration of love both vertically and horizontally. 15 February 2005.
Thomas Merton (1915-1968)
I am impressed by Merton’s spirituality that never satisfied to settle in one spirituality but always tried to find the meaning of life in solitude, concerned on social problem even world problem, opened to other spirituality especially between West and East, and paradox in his life journey in many aspects. In my own journal I jotted down some quotations of Merton which I am interested to ponder them and reflect them to my own life. In this reflection I just simply quote them and comment with my own words as follow.
“This kind of monasticism cannot be extinguished. It is imperishable. It represents an instinct of the human heart, and it represents a charism given by God to man. It cannot be rooted out, because it does not depend on man. It does not depend on cultural factors, and it does not depend on sociological or psychological factors. It is something much deeper.” He finished the talk, suggesting that questions wait until the evening session and concluded with the words, “So I will disappear” (The last words of Thomas Merton, OCSO). Merton’s conviction on the syle of monastic life is a kind of prophetic message in our days as we enter a crisis of vocation in the religious life. His last words before he died tragically really gave us a puzzled meaning in many different interpretations. For many people before they close to die, they give a sign and last message that will be remembered by others. That was happened to Merton’s life that his hidden monastic life he embraced showed a deep meaning his never ending spirituality in his effort to connect between world’s issues and contemplative life.
“In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all those people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. It was like waking from a dream of separateness of spurious self-isolation in a special world, the world of renunciation and supposed holiness. The whole illusion of a separate holy existence is a dream. Not that I question the reality of my vocation, or of my monastic life: but the conception of ‘separation from the world’ that we have in the monastery too easily presents itself as a complete illusion: the illusion that by making vows we become a different species of being, pseudo-angels, ‘spiritual men,’ men of interior life, what have you. …Thank God, thank God that I am like other men, that I am only a man among others.” Merton in his spiritual search came to realize that his solitude life has no difference to others who live in a mundane life. He even was grateful to be one of the ordinary people and trying to question his monastic life. In my own religious life as well, I should be more aware on my conviction that I am not different to others who live out there. I come from an ordinary family and I still one of them then try to be better in this religious life I have chosen in order to be fruitfully bear love to others. Needless to say that I am the same and at the same time I am different with others who live in non religious life.
“Hate is the seed of death in my own heart, while it seeks the death of the other. Love is the seed of life in my own heart when it seeks the good of other.” I always wonder to some people who always complain to other’s behavior and talk negatively as if they have perfect life. Trying to understand others in their positive and negative sides is a lifelong process even to understand oneself is never ending duty in this world. I am a mystery person and also others, so why we have seeds of hatred when we do not know fully ourselves. When I hate others, my heart will not be in peace, so better I pray and wish the best in their life journey. In so doing I will be peace in my heart and peace to others that I will never imagine. It works so far in praying other’s relationship which is damaged by this kind of hatred. My duty as a member of my own family and a minister to bring peace and keep others in my daily prayer so that reconciliation becomes real in other’s life.
“So instead of loving what you think is peace, love other men and love God above all. And instead of hating the people you think are warmakers, hate the appetites and the disorder in your own soul, which are the causes of war. If you love peace then hate injustice, hate tyranny, hate greed but hate these things in yourself not in another.” Merton’s remark leads me to see firstly my own heart and life that I believe never finish to work on them in order to be pure in my action. Who am I able to see other’s weaknesses and disable to see clearly my own defects? “For me to be a saint means to be myself. Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and of discovering my true self.”
“Our service of God and of the Church does not consist only in talking and doing. It can also consist in periods of silence, listening and waiting. Perhaps it is very important, in our era of violence and unrest, to rediscover meditation, silent inner unitive prayer, and creative Christian silence.” To face God first of all we should be in a silent manner in order to be ready to listen God’s voice. At the same attitude when we face others, we should take a silent moment listening to their stories in such a way so that they find a good minister who is really a good and attentive listener to their needs and grievances and responsively answering them after confronting God’s voice in silent and attentive states. We should convince ourselves that not us who minister them but God who lives and acts through us, so that we walk humbley with God in this ministry.
“The secret of my identity is hidden in the love and mercy of God. If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him…The only One who can teach me to find God is God, Himself alone.” This quotation ensures my prayer life in times of struggling to find out my own self and the meaning of little events I have in my life that finally I have to return to God who is the source and myster of my life. If I have a sensitive feeling of God’s voice, I should come and unite my will, dream, feeling and acts into it. Only in a mindfulness and silence, can I catch God’s message.
This prayer of Merton is really empowering my faith to surrender totally to God’s hand. It is the basic meaning of faith that without knowing the surety I put my total trust into it, let God arrange and take care of my destiny toward God’s kingdom even though all I face is always mysterious ways in crooked paths.
Merton’s Famous PrayerMy Lord GodI have no idea where I am going.I do not see the road ahead of me.I cannot know for certain where it will end.Nor do I really understand myself.And the fact that I think I am followingYour will does not mean I am actually doing so.But I believe that the desire to please youDoes in fact please you.And I hope I have desire in all that I am doing.I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right roadThough I may know nothing about it.Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost in the shadow of death.I will not fear you are ever with me andYou will never leave me to face my troubles alone.
01 March 2005
Dorothy Day (1897 – 1980)
In the spirituality of a new millennium class, I learned about Dorothy Day and I quote her interesting statements I selected of a book about her in my own weekly journal then I write some reflection upon them.
“Our good readers absolve us from any charges of anticlericalism as they read these rather severe articles on the Church and work. They know that the wish of our heart is to bring closer together the priest and the people. There is a great division between two, and one of the very reasons for the Catholic Worker’s existence is to bridge this gap.” Even though Dorothy knew that the Catholic Church has dark side but she still believed and tried to match people to obey the Church (the authority). It is a hard duty and cordial effort that needs strong inner power to deal with because this kind of tension more often draws to depression and leaving the establishment, namely the Church. She was very faithful to Catholic’s religious practice such as prayer, daily Mass, meditation on the Bible. The Catholic Worker can exist until now because of this vision and mission, namely to connect the power of the Church and the people of God. If it makes separation, sooner or later, it will disappear.
“Poverty is a strange and elusive thing. I have tried to write about it, its joys and its sorrows, for twenty years now; I could probably write about it for another twenty years without conveying what I feel about it as well as I would like. I condemn poverty and I advocate it; poverty is simple and complex at once; it is a social phenomenon and a personal matter. It is a paradox.” Dorothy had very strong concern about the situation of poverty that she perceived as enemy to be overcome. In dealing with it, she realized that it will never finish to wipe out the poverty since it is more than personal matter but moreover social structure that makes people poor and fall in destitution. It is an utopia to kill poverty because people are bound in sins of greedy and proud so that always deep gap separate those two polars both the poor and the rich.
“The mystery of the poor is this: That they are Jesus, and what you do for them you do for Him. It is the only way we have of knowing and believing in our love. The mystery of poverty is that by sharing in it, making ourselves poor in giving to others, we increase our knowledge of and belief in love.” I am touched every time I enter the chapel of my ministry, a retreat house, where there is a mural of black and white colour depicting Jesus in the middle of people who take turn in line having food in a soup kitchen. What we do to the least of our brothers/sisters, we do to Jesus our Lord. When we do service with the retreatans in some shelters, I encounter Jesus in many faces of the poor and the needy. It is always struck me to see many people who are need attention and material need even in the richest country like the USA. I wonder with the reality that a lot of food is just thrown away every day and at the same time many people are hunger of food. Why is it happened? How do we connect this surplus and minus so that all get their part justly?
“Sometimes, I think the purpose of the Catholic Worker, quite aside from all our social aims, is to show the providence of God, how God loves us. We are a family, not an institution, in atmosphere, and so we address ourselves especially to families, who have all the woes of insecurity, sin, sickness, and death, side by side with all the joys of family. We talk about what we are doing, because we constantly wonder at the miracle of our continuance.” I believe that if we are doing God’s work and mission, even though it seems hard and impossible but it will be fulfilled eventually. I think it is the faith that Dorothy had in facing difficulty of many aspects and dimensions of her effort in the Catholic Worker. As a minsiter I called to be like so, namely, as an agent of God’s love and providence to the needy. In my own experience, it is my pleasure if I can connect one another in mutual relationship, not for my advantage but for others need. I think about a Buddhist teaching that mentions, “The highest peace of someone if she/he gives help to others.” It is very true that what I do to others without hope receive reply, it will give me peace in my deep heart.
“The most significant thing about the Catholic Worker is poverty, some say. The most significant thing is community, others say. We are not alone anymore. But the final word is love….We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.” Once again love and love to be a core theme in life of hero and heroine. The art to love and to be loved determine steps and paths of others to walk together toward ideal and dream. Dorothy had a dream to unite all people who need hospitality in one roof regardless their background. It is not always easy to bear it especially dealing with legal institution such as government, politic and even the Church. Love if it is legalized it will become rigid but if it is practiced in a flexible and creative ways it will lead to enthusiasm and authenticitiy of many people. In my experience in visiting some nursing homes, I have impression that our love that we share to elderly people is just limited to fit our schedule. We do not know whether they need our presence or not but what I know is it is a timetable that the retreat has and we should fulfill it. It requires my own attention that should have been beyond the schedule but out of love and generosity and also authenticity of my heart. This is my weekly journal I wrote last week regards my ministry at a retreat house: “Before noon we visited a nursing home and played Bingo with elderly people there and most of them Afro-Americans. We were coming back to the retreat house then having lunch (hamburger) then watching a video about Dorothy Day. Since they will finish their retreat this night, I went home earlier in the afternoon and next week I will go there again since there will be three groups for the retreat. I went home by CTA train: Orange, Green lines and a bus no. 15.” I am questioning myself: how do I deal with others who are not my concern beside people in my ministry? Do I care to others surround me who are so different to me and I have nothing to do with them? What is my sensitivity towards them as a human, religious and minister? All of these are bothered me as I see my quality of my life in the relationship to others.
“Buddhists teach that a man’s life is divided into three parts: the first part for education and growing up; the second for continued learning, through marriage and raising a family, involvement with the life of the senses, the mind, and the spirit; and the third period, the time of withdrawal from responsibility, letting go of the things of this life, letting God take over.” Dorothy was open to other spirituality especially if it gives real mening in the universal life of people. She believed that everything she had done would be given up to God alone since she was just God’s tool in this divine work. She was just an actor of God’s mission to love people unreservedly and she knew how to surrender only to God’s providence in her dusk age. The spirituality of letting go is not only suitable to old people but it invites me also to relativize and depend on God’s plan. I have plan for my future but at the same time also I should offer to God’s will. Not my will and my plan, O God but yours, that make me happy in this life. Let it be done according to your word only.
“The one thing that makes our work easier most certainly is the love we bear for each other and for the people for whom we work. The work becomes difficult only when there is quarreling and dissension and when one’s own heart is filled with a spirit of criticism.” Love is the greatest virtue in our faith that is used massively by many people in the world but sometimes without meaning and commitment. Love is not merely feeling to someone or something but moreover it is a commitment that needs to be renew day-to-day and time-to-time in the struggle of one’s life. It is a lifelong process that love is tested in ups and downs mood. Love is a clasis word and at the same time love is never ending story in human history in the world. I remember with a teaching of one of my philosophy professors who says: “To love and to be loved as a human being is a highest meaning in the life.” With love, many things that seem difficult can be overcome unbelievably. In the new millennium spirituality, I think love is always relevant to everybody because the more modern and complex our world, the more people need attention in their personal life and communication in pure love is difficult to find because most people are busy with their own agenda. In accord with this love, Dorothy stated confidently: “Love and ever more love is the only solution to every problem that comes up. If we love each other enough, we will bear with each other’s faults and burdens. If we love enough, we are going to light that fire in the hearts of others. And it is love that will burn out the sins and hatreds that sadden us. It is love that will make us want to do great things for each other. No sacrifice and no suffering will then seem too much.”
07 March 2005
Simone Weil (1909-1943)
“No human being escapes the necessity of conceiving some good outside him/herself towards which his/her thought turns in a movement of desire, supplication and hope.”
Simone Weil was a moral and political philosopher, teacher, activist, and mystic that searched for truth and ways to overcome the injustices of the world. Her philosophical pursuits began in her youth as she studied at the best schools in Paris and continued until her untimely death. Weil focused her philosophical inquires on social and political injustices and religious inquiry. She wrote mainly in essays and her thought can be characterized as a combination of Marx and Plato that centered on the goal of alleviating oppression and suffering.
Refusing to eat more than the rations of those on relief, Weil distributed her salary to welfare funds and workers' newspapers, and grew extremely thin. Eating, for Weil, represents our willful attachment to the world. Instead of "eating," she writes in Gravity and Grace, we should simply "look": "Looking is what saves us." Weil's brand of renunciation is not, however, a life-denying repression of desire: "If [Eve] had been hungry at the moment when she looked at the fruit," she muses, "if in spite of that she had remained looking at it indefinitely without taking one step toward it, she would have performed a miracle..." To desire and to renounce at once that is the mode of the anorexic. A refusal to "eat" (seek to possess, control) that for which one hungers is a way of honoring that which is eternally beautiful in the world: "We want to eat all the other objects of desire. The beautiful is that which we desire without wishing to eat it. We desire that it should be."
After lecturing her students that "The family is legalized prostitution... The wife is a lover reduced to slavery," she was transferred to a school in another town.
Weil incessantly pursued the truth in intellectualism and many other ancient resources including religions. It is a typical of spirituality in a new millennium, namely, one does not finish to dig deep knowledge of the truth that can be drawn from wide-diverse spirituality until one feels a certain religious experience that is struck him/her. The truth and wisdom itself can be found in every teaching and idealism but the complete and total truth will never be gotten in this world. Like Saint Augustine says, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You.” Forced to stop teaching because of migraines, Weil became increasingly obsessed with metaphysical questions. Adding to her encyclopedic knowledge of everything from Homeric poetry to the latest findings in mathematical theory, she began to study the Manicheans, the Gnostics, the Pythagoreans, the Stoics, Taoism, Buddhism. She devoured the Egyptian Book of the Dead, and was so impressed by the Bhagavad-Gita that she began to teach herself Sanskrit. Then, at a Benedictine Abbey, while listening to a Gregorian chant at the moment her migraine was at its worst, she "experienced the joy and bitterness of Christ's passion as a real event" and for the first time began to think of herself as a religious person.
In Marseilles, Weil also met Father Joseph-Marie Perrin, a Catholic priest impressed with her thinking about Christianity. Weil refused his offer to baptize her, insisting that "I do not want to be adopted into a circle, to live among people who say 'we' and to be part of an 'us,' to find I am 'at home' in any human milieu whatever it may be... I feel that it is necessary and ordained that I should be alone, a stranger and an exile in relation to every human circle without exception." Perrin, who eventually published Weil's letters to him, along with some essays, as Attente de Dieu (Waiting For God) introduced her to Gustave Thibon, a lay theologian in charge of a Catholic agricultural colony. There, working in the fields and vineyards during harvest, Weil was finally far enough away from her family to practice asceticism the way she'd always wanted to: She worked alongside agricultural laborers, slept in a sleeping bag on the floor, and ate nothing but onions and tomatoes. She also wrote a lot. Weil's journals of the early '40s are both entertaining and terrifying, since her writing by then was a combination of the dry, eminently rational prose style she'd long perfected and a despairing mysticism. The result of her attempt to fuse ancient Greek ideas of the impersonal and the contemplative with Catholicism is a body of thought, which seems insane and true at the same time.
Weil never became Catholic but she experienced the fruit of Catholicism; that’s why she was called the saint of churchless. In nowadays, probably many people do not belong to a certain church but they practice spirituality and values of the Gospel that Jesus inherited to us. Then, we call them as anonymous Christian (Karl Rahner). In the Interreligious Dialogue, often times I found many interesting wisdom that I perceive in accord to my Catholic spirituality even deeper touching my heart. The never ending reflection is how do I search the seed of the Word in everything I see then draw them to my own Christian faith? In my Xaverian spirituality I am taught, “to see, to seek and to love Christ in everything” (“In Omnibus Christus” = Christ in everything).
09 March 2005Oscar Romero (1917-1980)
“The Church: called to repentance; called to prophesy.”
“A church that suffers no persecution but enjoys the privileges and support of the things of the earth—beware!—is not the true church of Jesus Christ” (Archbishop Oscar Romero, March 11,1979).
What have we made of our world? When Jesus of Nazareth proclaimed that he is resurrection and life, he filled that witness with content. Resurrection and life are about love and care for one another, about feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless, loving the most rejected and outcast. They are about sharing from our wealth and abundance so that no one is without what they need for a dignified life. They are about the power to raise from the dead, to become unbound, free of bondage to death and sin.
Our world is scarred by injustice, by increasing disparity in wealth, by fabulous affluence for the few, and increasing poverty for the majority, by rising social violence and the disintegration of communities and societies because of this injustice, insecurity and fear. This is the bondage of sin.
Our church is called to repentance for the role it, and we as the people of God have played in creating this world. By what we and our church have done to create this condition of injustice, and by what we have not done to confront and overcome this sin of the world.
On the anniversary of the martyrdom of the great prophet of the Americas, Archbishop Oscar Romero, murdered by an assassin's bullet on March 24, 1980, let us ponder his words as he calls our churches to conversion, repentance and prophecy:
"A PREACHING THAT DOES NOT POINT OUT SIN is not the preaching of the gospel. A preaching that makes sinners feel good, so that they are secured in their sinful state, betrays the gospel's call. A preaching that does not discomfit sinners but lulls them in their sin leaves Zebulun and Naphtali in the shadow of death" (Jan. 22, 1978).
"TO TRY TO PREACH without referring to the history one preaches in is not to preach the gospel. Many would like a preaching so spiritualistic that it leaves sinners unbothered and does not term idolaters those who kneel before money and power. A preaching that says nothing of the sinful environment in which the gospel is reflected upon is not the gospel" (Feb. 18, 1979).
Does the preaching of my church, my community, reflect this commitment to challenge the sinful environment of our world, even to the point of causing discomfort, including my own discomfort?
"THE CHURCH, IN ITS ZEAL TO CONVERT to the gospel, is seeing that its place is by the side of the poor, of the outraged, of the rejected, and that in their names it too must speak out and demand their rights. But many persons belonging to the upper classes and feeling as if they own the church, think that the church is abandoning them and slipping away from its spiritual mission. It is no longer preaches what is spiritual, it only preaches politics. It's not that. The church is pointing out sin, and society must listen to that accusation and be converted and so become what God wants" (July 8,1979).
Is my church clearly on the side of the poor, even to the point of naming sin in our world and its causes, even to the point of risking the discomfort of the wealthy and complacent? Do I, does my church, instead prefer a preaching that lulls, that makes me feel comfortable, rather than one that challenges and causes discomfort about the state of sin in our world and our responsibility for it? Am I, is my congregation or community, willing to listen when this sin is pointed out, and so be converted?
"THIS IS THE MISSION ENTRUSTED TO the church, a hard mission: to uproot sins from history, to uproot sins from the political order, to uproot sins from the economy, to uproot sins wherever they are" (Jan. 15, 1978).
"THE CHURCH IS OBLIGED by its evangelical mission to demand structural changes that favor the reign of God and a more just and comradely way of life. Unjust social structures are the roots of all violence and disturbances. How hard and conflicting are the results of evangelical duty! Those who benefit from obsolete structures react selfishly to any kind of change" (Nov. 1979).
"THE CHURCH CAN BE CHURCH only as long as it goes on being the Body of Christ. Its mission will be authentic only so long as it is the mission of Jesus in the new situations, the new circumstances of history. The criterion that will guide the church will be neither the approval of, nor the fear of, men and women, no matter how powerful or threatening they may be. It is the church's duty in history to lend its voice to Christ so that he may speak, its feet so that he may walk today's world, its hands to build the reign of God . . . " (Aug. 6, 1977).
Does the church fulfill this mission, this duty? Do I call my church to this mission? Am I involved in it? Does my church, do I as a member of my church, really believe enough in the incarnate God in Christ to live the brave and risky mission to which the church is called in our world?
"THE CHURCH, LIKE JESUS, HAS TO GO on denouncing sin in our own day. It has to denounce the selfishness that is hidden in everyone's heart, the sin that dehumanizes persons, destroys families, and turns money, possessions, profit, and power into the ultimate ends for which persons strive. And, like everyone who has the smallest degree of foresight, the slightest capacity for analysis, the church has also to denounce what has rightly been called 'structural sin:' those social, economic, cultural, and political structures that effectively drive the majority of our people onto the margins of society. When the church hears the cry of the oppressed it cannot but denounce the social structures that give rise to and perpetuate the misery from which the cry arises" (Aug. 6, 1977).
"WHAT STARTS CONFLICTS AND PERSECUTIONS, what marks the genuine church, is when the word, burning like the word of the prophets, proclaims to the people and accuses: proclaims God's wonders to be believed and venerated, and accuses of sin those who oppose Cod's reign, so that they may tear that sin out of their hearts, out of their societies, out of their laws—out of the structures that oppress, that imprison, that violate the rights of God and of humanity . . . God's Spirit goes with the prophet, with the preacher, for He is Christ, who keeps on proclaiming God's reign to the people of all times" (Dec. 10, 1977).
2) Hari Minggu Masa Pra-Paskah ke-5, 13 Maret 2005
Senin, 07 Maret 2005. Di sore hari saya mengadakan diskusi kelompok untuk matakuliah Sejarah teologi misi di rumah Melissa seorang murid LSTC (Lutheran School). Diskusi ini cukup menarik karena saya dapat mengekspresikan ide-ide dan pengalaman saya sendiri secara spontan. Setelah tiba di rumah, saya menelpon Ms. Digna di rumah sakit Alexian Brothers untuk mengecek secara pasti bahwa surat jawaban saya serta check $ 100 sudah diterima dan memang sudah diterima sebagai uang muka untuk program CPE saya di musim panas nanti.
Selasa, 08 Maret 2005. Pagi hari saya pergi ke rumah tarekat Norbertin untuk kuliah refleksi teologi dan kali ini Bill frater diakon Norbertin mensharingkan refleksi kerasulannya. Di sore hari saya bertemu formator saya dengan hasil bahwa saya dapat maju ke kaul kekal yaitu tahun depan mungkin di bulan Maret 2006 bersama dengan frater SX lainnya. Saya menerima usulan ini dengan penuh syukur dan penuh kefleksibelan dan terbuka karena sebelumnya saya sudah dijanjikan maju kaul kekal bulan November 2005 ini. Maka dalam waktu satu tahun ke depan ini saya mempersiapkan diri lebih masak untuk jawaban definitif dari proses panggilan yang cukup panjang menuju imamat misioner dalam hidup bakti. Saya mencetak surat-surat saya untuk saya kirimkan ke Indonesia yaitu beberapa wisma SX dan para saudara saya di Indonesia.
Rabu, 09 Maret 2005. Di pagi hari saya meminjam 9 buku dari perpustakaan CTU dan di sore harinya saya memasak untuk komunitas yaitu Lasagna dan roti bawang. Di sore hari saya sakit tidak enak badan lalu kugunakan resep manjurku yaitu kerokan.
Kamis, 10 Maret 2005. Sepanjang hari ini hujan salju cukup banyak dan lebat. Di sore hari kami mengadakan rapat komunitas dengan agenda evaluasi proyek hidup bersama tentang kaul kemurnian.
Jumat, 11 Maret 2005. Saya tetap tinggal di kamar untuk mengetik paper tentang jurnal kuliah spiritualitas millennium. Di sore hari setelah doa jalan salib di kapel dan makan malam, saya diantar Ignas ke rumah retret, David Darst tempat kerasulan saya di Jalan 2834 South Normal Ave. Ada sebuah kelompok yang sudah memulai retret sejak hari Senin lalu yaitu dari sebuah universitas di Michigan. Malam harinya, ada satu volunter lagi yaitu seorang ibu tua bernama Pat dari Michigan datang ke rumah retret ini untuk membantu retret seminggu ke depan ini.
Sabtu, 12 Maret 2005. Pagi hari pukul 9.30, ada satu kelompok kelas dua SMU dari sekolah San Miguel datang ke rumah retret untuk retret sehari lalu kami mengunjungi sebuah rumah panti jompo yang dinamakan H.O.M.E (House Opportunity Maintenance for Elderly) di sebelah Utara Chicago, dekat dengan kampus Universitas Loyola. Ada 10 anak sekolah yang ikut acara ini dan mereka semua adalah keturunan Hispanic/ Amerika Latin. Kami melakukan pelayanan dengan membersihkan jendela kamar para lansia yang tinggal di rumah jompo ini. Banyak dari para lansia ini berasal dari Rusia, ada pula dari Guatemala dan negara-negara lainnya. Di siang harinya kami bermain BINGO bersama mereka. Kami kembali ke rumah retret untuk acara doa penutupan. Pukul 4 sore datang lagi satu kelompok dari Austin, Texas. Mereka adalah dari Universitas Katolik Edward, 7 mahasiswi dan satu koordinator. Mereka terbang dari Texas sejak pagi tadi dan menyewa sebuah mobil van dari bandara O’Hare. Mereka semua adalah cewek dan koordinatornya yang adalah lulusan M.Div Universitas Loyola Chicago mengenal Alexis mantan frater SX dari acara Peacebuilder di CTU. Kami makan malam bersama yang kali ini ada satu tukang masak yaitu Carolina. Kami mulai acara retret dengan sesion pertama dipimpin oleh Suster Paula lalu ia memberikan kesempatan padaku untuk memimpin permainan tali dengan makna salib lalu juga memandu mereka mempersiapkan doa malam dengan tema si kaya dan si miskin dari Kitab Suci. Saya kira ini kali pertamanya saya berbicara di depan para peserta retret tentang tema utama retret yang mashi berhubungan dengan apa yang dibicarakan Suster Paula sebelumnya meskipun tidak terlalu banyak saya bicara, namun cukuplah mengena pada intinya.
Minggu, 13 Maret 2005. Pagi hari kami pergi mengikuti misa di Gereja Santo Basil Visitasi di jalan 51st dan Garfield pukul 9 pagi dengan gaya liturgi Afro-Amerika lalu setelah misa kami ke basement untuk ramah tamah dengan umat. Pukul 11 kami melanjutkan pergi ke SU CASA, sebuah rumah bekas biara Fransiskan lalu dipakai untuk Catholic Worker House di Jalan 51st. Kali ini seorang suster tua dari tarekat Mercy bernama Suster Pat yang adalah saudari kandung Bruder Denis Murphy, memandu kami mengenal tentang sejarah rumah ini. Ada pula seorang ibu, yang selamat dari penganiayaan militer dari El Salvador yang mengungsi ke USA tahun 1993. Rumah ini digunakan untuk para imigran dari negara-negara Amerika Latin. Siang harinya kami membantu di dapur umum/soup kitchen dekat dengan SU CASA ini dan bersama-sama dengan para tuna wisma kebanyakan adalah Afro-Amerikan makan siang bersama. Sementara Pat memandu para peserta retret ini melakukan tour mengenal Chicago, saya bersama Suster Paula kembali ke rumah retret dan pukul 4 sore saya meninggalkan rumah retret. Saya pergi ke rumah Lisa-Edi untuk menitipkan beberapa surat untuk para keluarga saya serta beberapa rumah/wisma Xaverian di Indonesia karena mereka akan pulang ke Indonesia hari Kamis ini. Saya kembali ke Hyde Park dan menulis jurnal ini.
Monday, March 07, 2005
surat ke-4 bulan Desember 2004
4) Sunday of Holy Family, December 26, 2004
Monday, December 20, 2004. At 11 a.m. I met Richard
McCarron, the professor of Sacraments II (Theology of
Eucharist) at CTU to have the exit interview or oral
exam for about thirty minutes. I raised one question
that I have prepared, namely, that Christ Jesus in the
Eucharist is truly, really and substantially present.
With the gratitude finishing this Fall Semester 2004
at CTU, I went to Saint Peter Loop Church to have
confession as my personal preparation as well to enter
the Christmas 2004. On my way home, I met my classmate
named Martin from the Claretian congregation and we
talked to in the bus.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004. At night I wrote my
experience living in the USA and sent it to the fourth
graders of the Xaverian philosophy students in Jakarta
via e-mail as well as Nyoman in Yogyakarta. Near to
midnight, Petrus and Dharmawan brought two big boxes
of Indonesian food from Philadelphia carried by Father
Jack. I thank to Father Jack with his kindness
bringing this stuff for us here in Chicago and my
gratitude as well to Tatiana who has offered me
something from Philadelphia and accomplished it
generously. I heard that one of the foods called
‘rempeyek’ is used to be the food of an Indonesian
singer from Surabaya-Indonesia named Atiek C.B.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004. In the morning we
(Petrus, Ignas, Dharmawan, Pascal Junior and I) went
to Saint Therese Church to help decorate the basement
with Christmas ornament. We had lunch together with at
the basement cooked by Father Michael. I had
conversation also with Father Michael’s brother from
Italy named Walter and his wife even though my
vocabulary in Italian is very limited. There were
Mr.Cecep and his wife and their son, Willy who just
graduated from Purdue University, Indiana coming to
Chinatown to visit us. They are parishioners of
Toasebio church in Jakarta where the Xaverians work.
This family also visited us at Hyde Park, our theology
house. In the supper, Darlene from Chinatown parish
joined us and gave us Chirstmas gift as usual. Thanks
also to Darlene and Nicole, her daughter for their
generosity. I contacted some families and friends in
Indonesia via phone to envoy my greeting in this
Christmas season.
Thursday, December 23, 2004. At 8.30 in the morning
all of us went to a Franciscan retreat house at
Frankport-Illinois to do our monthly retreat and this
time Father Willy Mukucha, SX from Congo was preaching
for us at this retreat with a topic taken from the
beginning of John Gospel. In the evening we concluded
our retreat with supper at Northwood Restaurant nearby
the retreat house.
Friday, December 24, 2004. At noon there was a choir
practice that was held by some Indonesian friends at
the basement of our Xaverian house and we savored the
food from Philadelphia as our menu of lunch. A quarter
to two p.m. an Indonesian family from Buffalo Grove,
Illinois came to visit me at Hyde Park. They were
Steve-Monci’s family with their three children,
Kalista, Thalia and Alen. It’s my pleasure and
privilege to have them here and with their kindness as
well they invited me to visit and stay at their house
one night. Before we went to their house, they showed
me Alexian Brothers Hospital complex which is located
at Elk Grove Village where I plan to have CPE program
for next summer. They treated me to have supper at a
Japanese Restaurant that was awesome because we could
see the cook demonstrated how to cook on a wide table
in front of us. It such as an entertainment and it’s
nice to see fire lighted up by the cook in front of us
as he cooked for us. It’s my first time to have this
kind of Japanese food. Coming back to this family’s
house, we watched a video of their vacation in
Indonesia last summer. I was impressed with their big
family reunion. It’s a wonderful witness of a
harmonious extended family that I have ever seen in my
life like Psalm 133 mentions, “How very good and
pleasant it is when kindred live together in unity…”
Saturday, December 25, 2004. In the morning at their
house, we opened some gifts that were prepared by
Monci for her three children and I got a lot of gifts
also from them. Thank you once again for their
kindness to me to have this experience joining their
Christmas family. One thing that I have thought during
the last two years living in the USA that is when I
could visit an Indonesian family to celebrate a
Christmas Day and this year 2004 my dream was
accomplished. I don’t know how I repay their kindness
to me. Then we altogether went to the Indonesian
Christmas Mass at Saint Therese Chinatown Chicago. The
Mass was started at 11.30 a.m. presided by Father Eko,
CM and there were about 80 people coming to this Mass.
We continued our Christmas celebration with lunch as
usual at the basement then Dharmawan and Petrus
presented their idea to the audience some songs and
their improvisation together with two SVD’s deacon
(Francis and Sony) and Xaverian students as well as
two Indonesian priests, Father Jack, CM and Father
Edi, OSC. It seemed that the audience enjoyed this
event. For the first time also Harno, SX, a new
Indonesian Xaverian language student from
Franklin-Milwaukee came to our Indonesian Mass. Thank
you also for our ‘mothers’ who have prepared and
cooked the Indonesian food that we have eaten for this
special celebration….they’re delicious and we will
meet again next month on January 9th, 2005.
At our Xaverian theology community, we celebrated the
Christmas with supper with special food prepared and
cooked by Father Rocco since yesterday. We continued
our celebration with the exchanging of gifts and sang
the Silent Night in various languages such as English,
Spanish, France, African languages, Indonesian and
Javanese that reflected our diversity in our
community. I felt that this night we happily enjoyed
our togetherness as a religious community….bravo for
the master of ceremony, Petrus who led this simple
event.
Sunday, December 26, 2004. In the morning I had Mass
at 8 at Saint Thomas Church then we (Petrus, Ignas,
Dharmawan and I) together with Father Edi, osc and
Father Jack, cm, went to visit some Indonesian
families around the suburbs. We visited Manulang
family, Pak Yudo family, Stephanus family and finally
we concluded our visit at Whittemore family. Coincided
with the Sunday of Holy Family that we celebrated
today, it is proper to do this visit. We envoy our
gratitude to all friends and families who have
accepted us warmly and hospitable. We arrived home at
9 p.m.
Finally, I want to utter my greeting to all of you:
MERRY CHRISTMAS 25 December 2004 and
HAPPY NEW YEAR 01 January 2005
May God bless us all with new hopes and new days then
see you next year….
Thank you for your friendship and patience to read my
sharing during this year 2004 and I ask you pardon if
I did something inconvenience to you.
Fraternally:
In faith-hope-love,
Denny Wahyudi, sx
4) Hari Minggu Pesta Keluarga Kudus, 26 Desember 2004
Senin, 20 Desember 2004. Pukul 11 pagi saya menemui
dosen saya bernama Richard McCarron, dosen untuk
matakuliah Sakramen II (Teologi Ekaristi) di CTU untuk
ujian lisan selama 30 menit. Saya memilih sebuah
pertanyaan tentang kehadiran nyata Yesus Kristus dalam
Ekaristi: bahwa dalam Ekaristi Kristus secara
sungguh-sungguh, secara benar-benar dan secara
substantial hadir. Dengan mengucap syukur kepada Tuhan
atas selesainya masa studi dalam semester musim gugur
2004 ini, saya pergi ke Gereja Santo Peter Loop
downtown Chicago untuk menerima sakramen tobat sebagai
persiapan pribadi dalam masa Advent menyongsong hari
Natal 2004. Saat perjalanan pulang ke rumah, saya
bertemu seorang teman sekelas di CTU dari tarekat
Claretian bernama Martin dan kami berbincang di bis
umum.
Selasa, 21 Desember 2004. Pada malam hari saya menulis
pengalaman saya selama dua tahun hidup dan tinggal di
USA sebagai frater SX dan kukirim lewat e-mail kepada
para frater Xaverian tingkat IV di Wisma Xaverian
Cempaka Putih Jakarta juga kepada Frater Nyoman di
Yogyakarta. Menjelang tengah malam, Petrus dan
Dharmawan membawa dua kardus besar berisi makanan
Indonesia dari Philadelphia yang dibawa oleh Romo
Jack, CM. Saya berterima kasih kepada Romo Jack yang
telah sudi membawa pesanan ini bagi kami semua di
Chicago ini dan juga rasa terima kasih saya yang
mendalam untuk Ibu Tatiana di Philadelphia atas segala
kebaikan dan perhatiannya pada saya dan memenuhi
kerinduan saya untuk makan: ragi/srundeng, empal dan
sambal serta bonusnya rempeyek. Saya mendengar bahwa
salah satu makanan yaitu rempeyek ini adalah makanan
favorit artis penyanyi asal Surabaya bernama Atiek
C.B. kalau lagi konser di New York dan sekitarnya.
Rabu, 22 Desember 2004. Pagi hiar kami (Petrus, Ignas,
Dharmawan, Pascal Junior dan I) pergi ke Gereja Santa
Theresia untuk membantu mendekorasi ruang basement
dengan hiasan Natal. Kami makan bersama di basement
yang dimasak oleh Pastor Michael, SX. Dengan
keterbatasan kosa kata bahasa Italia saya, saya
berusaha bercakap dengan saudara Pastor Michael dari
Italia yang sedang berkunjung di Chicago bersama
dengan isterinya. Ada pula Pak Cecep bersama isterinya
serta anaknya bernama Willy yang baru saja lulus
kuliah di Universitas Purdue Indiana datang
mengunjungi kami di Chinatown. Mereka adalah umat
paroki Toasebio di Jakarta tempat Xaverian berkarya.
Keluarga ini juga mengunjungi kami di rumah teologi
kami di Hyde Park. Saat makan malam, Darlene dari
gereja Saint Therese datang dan memberikan bingkisan
Natal seperti biasa. Terima kasih untuk Darlene dan
Nicole, puterinya atas kebaikan mereka. Saya menelpon
beberapa teman dan keluarga di Indonesia untuk
menyampaikan salam natal.
Kamis, 23 Desember 2004. Pukul 8.30 pagi hari kami
semua pergi ke sebuah rumah retret Fransiskan di
Frankport-Illinois untuk menjalani retret bulanan dan
kali ini Pastor asal Congo bernama Willy Mukucha, SX
memimpin retret ini dengan topik dari bab-bab awal
Injil Yohanes. Sore harinya kami mengakhiri retret ini
dengan makan malam bersama di sebuah restauran bernama
Northwood dekat dengan tempat reteret ini.
Jumat, 24 Desember 2004. Siang hari ada satu latihan
nyanyi yang diadakan oleh beberapa teman Indonesia di
basemen rumah Xaverian-Hyde Park dan kami menikmati
makan siang bersama dengan menu makanan dari
Philadelphia yang sudah saya terima dan simpan sejak
hari Selasa lalu. Pukul dua kurang seperempat sore,
sebuah keluarga Indonesia dari Buffalo Grove, Illinois
datang mengunjungi saya di Hyde Park. Mereka adalah
keluarga Steve-Monci bersama ketiga anak-anak mereka
yang lucu yaitu Kalista, Thalia dan Alen. Ini adalah
suatu kebahagiaan dan keistimewaan tersendiri buat
saya yang telah mengunjungi saya di sini dengan segala
perhatian dan kebaikan mereka juga atas kesediaan
mereka mengundang saya ke rumah mereka untuk
berkunjung dan menginap semalam. Sebelum kami pergi ke
rumah mereka, mereka menunjukkan Rumah Sakit Alexian
Brothers yang berada di Elk Grove Village di mana saya
merencanakan akan menjalani CPE (Clinical Pastoral
Education) musim panas 2005 nanti. Mereka mentraktir
saya makan malam bersama di sebuah restaran Jepang
yang sungguh menarik buat saya sebab kami dapat
melihat tukang masaknya mendemonstrasikan cara masak
di meja lebar di hadapan kami. Ini seperti semacam
pertunjukkan dan sungguh indah melihat api menyala
tinggi diperagakan oleh kokinya ketika ia memasak. Ini
adalah kali pertamanya buat saya makan di sebuah
restauran Jepang semacam ini. Pulang kembali ke rumah
keluarga ini, kami menonton sebuah video hasil liburan
mereka di Indonesia musim panasa lalu. Saya sungguh
terkesan dengan acara reuni keluarga yang mereka
adakan di Indonesia. Ini suatu teladan yang bagus dan
indah sekali dari sebuah keluarga besar yang cukup
harmonis yang pernah saya saksikan seperti kata Mazmur
133 mentions, “Betapa indah dan menyenangkan ketika
sesama saudara hidup bersama dalam kesatuan….”
Sabtu, 25 Desember 2004. Pagi hari di rumah mereka,
kami membuka kado-kado Natal yang sudah disiapkan oleh
Monci untuk ketiga anak tercintanya dan saya pun
kebagian kado-kado dari mereka. Saya ucapkan rasa
terima kasih saya yang mendalam sekali lagi atas
segala kebaikan mereka kepada saya mengalami
kebersamaan dalam acara Natal keluarga mereka. Satu
hal yang sejak dua tahun terakhir ini kuidamkan saat
tinggal di USA ini adalah dapat mengunjungi keluarga
Indonesia di Chicago untuk merayakan hari Natal dan di
tahun 2004 ini rupanya impian dan agan saya terpenuhi.
Saya tidak tahu bagaimana saya dapat membalas kebaikan
mereka semua. Lalu kami bersama pergi ke misa Natal
Indonesia di Gereja Santa Theresia di Chinatown
Chicago. Misa dimulai sekitar pukul 11.30 pagi
dipimpin oleh Romo Eko, CM dan ada sekitar 80 umat
hadir dalam misa ini. Kami lanjutkan acara ramah tamah
di basemen dengan makan siang bersama lalu Frater
Dharmawan dan Petrus mempersembahkan ide kreatif
mereka kepada para permirsa dengan lagu-lagu daerah
dengan improvisasi mereka sendiri bersama dengan dua
frater diakon SVD (Francis dan Sony) dan juga frater
Xaverian lainnya (Ignas, Harno dan saya sendiri) serta
dua romo Jack, CM dan Romo Edi, OSC. Nampaknya umat
sekalian menikmati acara langka ini. Untuk kali
pertamanya Frater Harno, SX (frater yang lagi belajar
bahasa Inggris di Milwaukee) mengikuti misa Indonesia
PWKI Chicago ini. Terima kasih juga pada para ‘ibu’
yang telah mempersiapkan makanan istimewa untuk
Natalan ini….tanpa mereka pasti Natalan tak akan
berkesan alias lapar…sampai jumpa lagi di misa
berikutnya di tahun depan 9 Januari 2005.
Di komunitas teologi SX kami, kami merayakan natalan
bersama dengan makan malam yang sudah disiapkan sejak
hari Jumat dan dimasak oleh Pastor Rocco. Kami
lanjutkan acara tukar kado dan menyanyikan lagu Malam
Kudus dalam berbagai bahasa seperti: Inggis, Spanyol,
Afrika, Indonesia dan Jawa yang merefleksikan
keberagaman kami di komunitas ini. Saya merasakan
malam ini kami dengan gembira menikmati kebersamaan
ini sebagai sebuah keluarga religius….selamat untuk
pembuat acara alias MC, Frater Petrus yang dengan
sederhana penuh makna memandu acara ini.
Minggu, 26 Desember 2004. Pagi hari saya mengikuti
misa di gereja Santo Thomas pukul 8 lalu kami (Petrus,
Ignas, Dharmawan dan saya sendiri) bersama pula dengan
Romo Edi, osc dan Romo Jack, cm pergi mengadakan
kunjungan keluarga Indonesia di sekitar
suburb/pinggiran kota Chicago. Kami mengunjungi empat
kelaurga yaitu: Keluarga Pak Manulang, keluarga Pak
Yudo, keluarga Stephanus dan akhirnya kami mengakhiri
silaturahmi seharian ini di rumah keluarga Whittemore.
Bertepatan dengan hari Minggu Pesta Keluarga Kudus
hari ini, memang tepatlah mengadakan program kunjungan
keluarga sekedar silaturahmi ini. Kami menyampaikan
syukur dan terima kasih kami kepada teman dan keluarga
sekalian yang kami kunjungi hari ini yang telah
menerima kami dengan hangat dan penuh kekeluargaan.
Kami sampai rumah di Hyde Park sudah jam 9 malam.
Akhirnya pula, saya mengucapkan:
SELAMAT HARI NATAL 25 Desember 2004 dan
TAHUN BARU 01 Januari 2005
Kiranya Allah senantiasa memberikan berkat bagi kita
semua dengan harapan-harapan dan hari-hari baru,
sampai bersua lagi di tahun yang akan datang. Terima
kasih atas segala persahabatan dan kesabaran teman
sekalian yang telah menyempatkan waktu membaca sharing
saya selama tahun 2004 ini dan mohon maaf bila ada
sesuatu yang tidak berkenan di hati.
Salam persahabatan dari saya:
Dalam iman-harapan-kasih,
Denny Wahyudi, sx
Monday, December 20, 2004. At 11 a.m. I met Richard
McCarron, the professor of Sacraments II (Theology of
Eucharist) at CTU to have the exit interview or oral
exam for about thirty minutes. I raised one question
that I have prepared, namely, that Christ Jesus in the
Eucharist is truly, really and substantially present.
With the gratitude finishing this Fall Semester 2004
at CTU, I went to Saint Peter Loop Church to have
confession as my personal preparation as well to enter
the Christmas 2004. On my way home, I met my classmate
named Martin from the Claretian congregation and we
talked to in the bus.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004. At night I wrote my
experience living in the USA and sent it to the fourth
graders of the Xaverian philosophy students in Jakarta
via e-mail as well as Nyoman in Yogyakarta. Near to
midnight, Petrus and Dharmawan brought two big boxes
of Indonesian food from Philadelphia carried by Father
Jack. I thank to Father Jack with his kindness
bringing this stuff for us here in Chicago and my
gratitude as well to Tatiana who has offered me
something from Philadelphia and accomplished it
generously. I heard that one of the foods called
‘rempeyek’ is used to be the food of an Indonesian
singer from Surabaya-Indonesia named Atiek C.B.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004. In the morning we
(Petrus, Ignas, Dharmawan, Pascal Junior and I) went
to Saint Therese Church to help decorate the basement
with Christmas ornament. We had lunch together with at
the basement cooked by Father Michael. I had
conversation also with Father Michael’s brother from
Italy named Walter and his wife even though my
vocabulary in Italian is very limited. There were
Mr.Cecep and his wife and their son, Willy who just
graduated from Purdue University, Indiana coming to
Chinatown to visit us. They are parishioners of
Toasebio church in Jakarta where the Xaverians work.
This family also visited us at Hyde Park, our theology
house. In the supper, Darlene from Chinatown parish
joined us and gave us Chirstmas gift as usual. Thanks
also to Darlene and Nicole, her daughter for their
generosity. I contacted some families and friends in
Indonesia via phone to envoy my greeting in this
Christmas season.
Thursday, December 23, 2004. At 8.30 in the morning
all of us went to a Franciscan retreat house at
Frankport-Illinois to do our monthly retreat and this
time Father Willy Mukucha, SX from Congo was preaching
for us at this retreat with a topic taken from the
beginning of John Gospel. In the evening we concluded
our retreat with supper at Northwood Restaurant nearby
the retreat house.
Friday, December 24, 2004. At noon there was a choir
practice that was held by some Indonesian friends at
the basement of our Xaverian house and we savored the
food from Philadelphia as our menu of lunch. A quarter
to two p.m. an Indonesian family from Buffalo Grove,
Illinois came to visit me at Hyde Park. They were
Steve-Monci’s family with their three children,
Kalista, Thalia and Alen. It’s my pleasure and
privilege to have them here and with their kindness as
well they invited me to visit and stay at their house
one night. Before we went to their house, they showed
me Alexian Brothers Hospital complex which is located
at Elk Grove Village where I plan to have CPE program
for next summer. They treated me to have supper at a
Japanese Restaurant that was awesome because we could
see the cook demonstrated how to cook on a wide table
in front of us. It such as an entertainment and it’s
nice to see fire lighted up by the cook in front of us
as he cooked for us. It’s my first time to have this
kind of Japanese food. Coming back to this family’s
house, we watched a video of their vacation in
Indonesia last summer. I was impressed with their big
family reunion. It’s a wonderful witness of a
harmonious extended family that I have ever seen in my
life like Psalm 133 mentions, “How very good and
pleasant it is when kindred live together in unity…”
Saturday, December 25, 2004. In the morning at their
house, we opened some gifts that were prepared by
Monci for her three children and I got a lot of gifts
also from them. Thank you once again for their
kindness to me to have this experience joining their
Christmas family. One thing that I have thought during
the last two years living in the USA that is when I
could visit an Indonesian family to celebrate a
Christmas Day and this year 2004 my dream was
accomplished. I don’t know how I repay their kindness
to me. Then we altogether went to the Indonesian
Christmas Mass at Saint Therese Chinatown Chicago. The
Mass was started at 11.30 a.m. presided by Father Eko,
CM and there were about 80 people coming to this Mass.
We continued our Christmas celebration with lunch as
usual at the basement then Dharmawan and Petrus
presented their idea to the audience some songs and
their improvisation together with two SVD’s deacon
(Francis and Sony) and Xaverian students as well as
two Indonesian priests, Father Jack, CM and Father
Edi, OSC. It seemed that the audience enjoyed this
event. For the first time also Harno, SX, a new
Indonesian Xaverian language student from
Franklin-Milwaukee came to our Indonesian Mass. Thank
you also for our ‘mothers’ who have prepared and
cooked the Indonesian food that we have eaten for this
special celebration….they’re delicious and we will
meet again next month on January 9th, 2005.
At our Xaverian theology community, we celebrated the
Christmas with supper with special food prepared and
cooked by Father Rocco since yesterday. We continued
our celebration with the exchanging of gifts and sang
the Silent Night in various languages such as English,
Spanish, France, African languages, Indonesian and
Javanese that reflected our diversity in our
community. I felt that this night we happily enjoyed
our togetherness as a religious community….bravo for
the master of ceremony, Petrus who led this simple
event.
Sunday, December 26, 2004. In the morning I had Mass
at 8 at Saint Thomas Church then we (Petrus, Ignas,
Dharmawan and I) together with Father Edi, osc and
Father Jack, cm, went to visit some Indonesian
families around the suburbs. We visited Manulang
family, Pak Yudo family, Stephanus family and finally
we concluded our visit at Whittemore family. Coincided
with the Sunday of Holy Family that we celebrated
today, it is proper to do this visit. We envoy our
gratitude to all friends and families who have
accepted us warmly and hospitable. We arrived home at
9 p.m.
Finally, I want to utter my greeting to all of you:
MERRY CHRISTMAS 25 December 2004 and
HAPPY NEW YEAR 01 January 2005
May God bless us all with new hopes and new days then
see you next year….
Thank you for your friendship and patience to read my
sharing during this year 2004 and I ask you pardon if
I did something inconvenience to you.
Fraternally:
In faith-hope-love,
Denny Wahyudi, sx
4) Hari Minggu Pesta Keluarga Kudus, 26 Desember 2004
Senin, 20 Desember 2004. Pukul 11 pagi saya menemui
dosen saya bernama Richard McCarron, dosen untuk
matakuliah Sakramen II (Teologi Ekaristi) di CTU untuk
ujian lisan selama 30 menit. Saya memilih sebuah
pertanyaan tentang kehadiran nyata Yesus Kristus dalam
Ekaristi: bahwa dalam Ekaristi Kristus secara
sungguh-sungguh, secara benar-benar dan secara
substantial hadir. Dengan mengucap syukur kepada Tuhan
atas selesainya masa studi dalam semester musim gugur
2004 ini, saya pergi ke Gereja Santo Peter Loop
downtown Chicago untuk menerima sakramen tobat sebagai
persiapan pribadi dalam masa Advent menyongsong hari
Natal 2004. Saat perjalanan pulang ke rumah, saya
bertemu seorang teman sekelas di CTU dari tarekat
Claretian bernama Martin dan kami berbincang di bis
umum.
Selasa, 21 Desember 2004. Pada malam hari saya menulis
pengalaman saya selama dua tahun hidup dan tinggal di
USA sebagai frater SX dan kukirim lewat e-mail kepada
para frater Xaverian tingkat IV di Wisma Xaverian
Cempaka Putih Jakarta juga kepada Frater Nyoman di
Yogyakarta. Menjelang tengah malam, Petrus dan
Dharmawan membawa dua kardus besar berisi makanan
Indonesia dari Philadelphia yang dibawa oleh Romo
Jack, CM. Saya berterima kasih kepada Romo Jack yang
telah sudi membawa pesanan ini bagi kami semua di
Chicago ini dan juga rasa terima kasih saya yang
mendalam untuk Ibu Tatiana di Philadelphia atas segala
kebaikan dan perhatiannya pada saya dan memenuhi
kerinduan saya untuk makan: ragi/srundeng, empal dan
sambal serta bonusnya rempeyek. Saya mendengar bahwa
salah satu makanan yaitu rempeyek ini adalah makanan
favorit artis penyanyi asal Surabaya bernama Atiek
C.B. kalau lagi konser di New York dan sekitarnya.
Rabu, 22 Desember 2004. Pagi hiar kami (Petrus, Ignas,
Dharmawan, Pascal Junior dan I) pergi ke Gereja Santa
Theresia untuk membantu mendekorasi ruang basement
dengan hiasan Natal. Kami makan bersama di basement
yang dimasak oleh Pastor Michael, SX. Dengan
keterbatasan kosa kata bahasa Italia saya, saya
berusaha bercakap dengan saudara Pastor Michael dari
Italia yang sedang berkunjung di Chicago bersama
dengan isterinya. Ada pula Pak Cecep bersama isterinya
serta anaknya bernama Willy yang baru saja lulus
kuliah di Universitas Purdue Indiana datang
mengunjungi kami di Chinatown. Mereka adalah umat
paroki Toasebio di Jakarta tempat Xaverian berkarya.
Keluarga ini juga mengunjungi kami di rumah teologi
kami di Hyde Park. Saat makan malam, Darlene dari
gereja Saint Therese datang dan memberikan bingkisan
Natal seperti biasa. Terima kasih untuk Darlene dan
Nicole, puterinya atas kebaikan mereka. Saya menelpon
beberapa teman dan keluarga di Indonesia untuk
menyampaikan salam natal.
Kamis, 23 Desember 2004. Pukul 8.30 pagi hari kami
semua pergi ke sebuah rumah retret Fransiskan di
Frankport-Illinois untuk menjalani retret bulanan dan
kali ini Pastor asal Congo bernama Willy Mukucha, SX
memimpin retret ini dengan topik dari bab-bab awal
Injil Yohanes. Sore harinya kami mengakhiri retret ini
dengan makan malam bersama di sebuah restauran bernama
Northwood dekat dengan tempat reteret ini.
Jumat, 24 Desember 2004. Siang hari ada satu latihan
nyanyi yang diadakan oleh beberapa teman Indonesia di
basemen rumah Xaverian-Hyde Park dan kami menikmati
makan siang bersama dengan menu makanan dari
Philadelphia yang sudah saya terima dan simpan sejak
hari Selasa lalu. Pukul dua kurang seperempat sore,
sebuah keluarga Indonesia dari Buffalo Grove, Illinois
datang mengunjungi saya di Hyde Park. Mereka adalah
keluarga Steve-Monci bersama ketiga anak-anak mereka
yang lucu yaitu Kalista, Thalia dan Alen. Ini adalah
suatu kebahagiaan dan keistimewaan tersendiri buat
saya yang telah mengunjungi saya di sini dengan segala
perhatian dan kebaikan mereka juga atas kesediaan
mereka mengundang saya ke rumah mereka untuk
berkunjung dan menginap semalam. Sebelum kami pergi ke
rumah mereka, mereka menunjukkan Rumah Sakit Alexian
Brothers yang berada di Elk Grove Village di mana saya
merencanakan akan menjalani CPE (Clinical Pastoral
Education) musim panas 2005 nanti. Mereka mentraktir
saya makan malam bersama di sebuah restaran Jepang
yang sungguh menarik buat saya sebab kami dapat
melihat tukang masaknya mendemonstrasikan cara masak
di meja lebar di hadapan kami. Ini seperti semacam
pertunjukkan dan sungguh indah melihat api menyala
tinggi diperagakan oleh kokinya ketika ia memasak. Ini
adalah kali pertamanya buat saya makan di sebuah
restauran Jepang semacam ini. Pulang kembali ke rumah
keluarga ini, kami menonton sebuah video hasil liburan
mereka di Indonesia musim panasa lalu. Saya sungguh
terkesan dengan acara reuni keluarga yang mereka
adakan di Indonesia. Ini suatu teladan yang bagus dan
indah sekali dari sebuah keluarga besar yang cukup
harmonis yang pernah saya saksikan seperti kata Mazmur
133 mentions, “Betapa indah dan menyenangkan ketika
sesama saudara hidup bersama dalam kesatuan….”
Sabtu, 25 Desember 2004. Pagi hari di rumah mereka,
kami membuka kado-kado Natal yang sudah disiapkan oleh
Monci untuk ketiga anak tercintanya dan saya pun
kebagian kado-kado dari mereka. Saya ucapkan rasa
terima kasih saya yang mendalam sekali lagi atas
segala kebaikan mereka kepada saya mengalami
kebersamaan dalam acara Natal keluarga mereka. Satu
hal yang sejak dua tahun terakhir ini kuidamkan saat
tinggal di USA ini adalah dapat mengunjungi keluarga
Indonesia di Chicago untuk merayakan hari Natal dan di
tahun 2004 ini rupanya impian dan agan saya terpenuhi.
Saya tidak tahu bagaimana saya dapat membalas kebaikan
mereka semua. Lalu kami bersama pergi ke misa Natal
Indonesia di Gereja Santa Theresia di Chinatown
Chicago. Misa dimulai sekitar pukul 11.30 pagi
dipimpin oleh Romo Eko, CM dan ada sekitar 80 umat
hadir dalam misa ini. Kami lanjutkan acara ramah tamah
di basemen dengan makan siang bersama lalu Frater
Dharmawan dan Petrus mempersembahkan ide kreatif
mereka kepada para permirsa dengan lagu-lagu daerah
dengan improvisasi mereka sendiri bersama dengan dua
frater diakon SVD (Francis dan Sony) dan juga frater
Xaverian lainnya (Ignas, Harno dan saya sendiri) serta
dua romo Jack, CM dan Romo Edi, OSC. Nampaknya umat
sekalian menikmati acara langka ini. Untuk kali
pertamanya Frater Harno, SX (frater yang lagi belajar
bahasa Inggris di Milwaukee) mengikuti misa Indonesia
PWKI Chicago ini. Terima kasih juga pada para ‘ibu’
yang telah mempersiapkan makanan istimewa untuk
Natalan ini….tanpa mereka pasti Natalan tak akan
berkesan alias lapar…sampai jumpa lagi di misa
berikutnya di tahun depan 9 Januari 2005.
Di komunitas teologi SX kami, kami merayakan natalan
bersama dengan makan malam yang sudah disiapkan sejak
hari Jumat dan dimasak oleh Pastor Rocco. Kami
lanjutkan acara tukar kado dan menyanyikan lagu Malam
Kudus dalam berbagai bahasa seperti: Inggis, Spanyol,
Afrika, Indonesia dan Jawa yang merefleksikan
keberagaman kami di komunitas ini. Saya merasakan
malam ini kami dengan gembira menikmati kebersamaan
ini sebagai sebuah keluarga religius….selamat untuk
pembuat acara alias MC, Frater Petrus yang dengan
sederhana penuh makna memandu acara ini.
Minggu, 26 Desember 2004. Pagi hari saya mengikuti
misa di gereja Santo Thomas pukul 8 lalu kami (Petrus,
Ignas, Dharmawan dan saya sendiri) bersama pula dengan
Romo Edi, osc dan Romo Jack, cm pergi mengadakan
kunjungan keluarga Indonesia di sekitar
suburb/pinggiran kota Chicago. Kami mengunjungi empat
kelaurga yaitu: Keluarga Pak Manulang, keluarga Pak
Yudo, keluarga Stephanus dan akhirnya kami mengakhiri
silaturahmi seharian ini di rumah keluarga Whittemore.
Bertepatan dengan hari Minggu Pesta Keluarga Kudus
hari ini, memang tepatlah mengadakan program kunjungan
keluarga sekedar silaturahmi ini. Kami menyampaikan
syukur dan terima kasih kami kepada teman dan keluarga
sekalian yang kami kunjungi hari ini yang telah
menerima kami dengan hangat dan penuh kekeluargaan.
Kami sampai rumah di Hyde Park sudah jam 9 malam.
Akhirnya pula, saya mengucapkan:
SELAMAT HARI NATAL 25 Desember 2004 dan
TAHUN BARU 01 Januari 2005
Kiranya Allah senantiasa memberikan berkat bagi kita
semua dengan harapan-harapan dan hari-hari baru,
sampai bersua lagi di tahun yang akan datang. Terima
kasih atas segala persahabatan dan kesabaran teman
sekalian yang telah menyempatkan waktu membaca sharing
saya selama tahun 2004 ini dan mohon maaf bila ada
sesuatu yang tidak berkenan di hati.
Salam persahabatan dari saya:
Dalam iman-harapan-kasih,
Denny Wahyudi, sx
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