2) 28th Sunday in Ordinary Time, October 09, 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005.
I attended the Amos class then at the library did some readings. From 1 p.m. till 3.45 p.m. I had presiding class in which we practiced the first part of presiding the Eucharist. In doing it, we realized that each and every one of us did mistake and felt nervous. Knowing this reality, I have conviction that I have to practice it in daily basis in my own room or chapel before acting on the due time this month. I have to submit a tape, a videocassette to my professor, Father Fragomeni, about presiding a Mass, a weekday Mass this month. At 2 p.m. we had a break to participate with other students, faculty and employees of CTU in ceremony putting a piece of construction that had been signed by many in the new building. At 2.40 p.m. we continued the presiding class with practicing the presiding of the Mass at the chapel, the 6th floor. At 5 p.m. in the community we did lectio divina led by Pascal Atumisi. From 7.15 p.m. to 8.45 p.m. I had colloquium (personal formation) with my formator/rector, Father Rocco. It is a time that I have been waiting for in two months after coming back from the CPE last summer.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005.
The whole morning plus afternoon I spent my time to read some articles for my integrating class. At 10 a.m. Father Rocco headed for Rome, Italy to attend the meeting of theology rectors of the Xaverians. In the evening I attended the class of integrating core (EMP) taught by Dawn Notwehr.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005.
In the morning I got a phone call from Juli, my penpal who is already in New York City. She is a choicer from Jakarta whom I know from e-mail. So, I never met her before. It’s once again the miracle of media Internet in this postmodern age. I refer her to my friend in NYC, Frans Slamet. I attended the Amos class in the morning and made photocopy for my EMP class at the library. At the registration office I took the graduation packet for May 18, 2006, for my M.Div degree. I have planned it since last year to graduate of M.Div in May 2006. Before noon I practiced to preside the Mass at the chapel. I am going to do it in daily basis by myself. After having rest in the afternoon, I did type the first paper of Presiding class, with the topic Toward a Theology of Presiding. I continued to type it again after the supper.
Thursday, October 06, 2005.
In the morning I attended Inculturation and Dialogue class and before noon at the chapel I was practicing the presiding of the Eucharist. I cooked Lasagna for CTU community gathering this evening. After the Holy Hour we as community went to CTU for the CTU community gathering.
Friday, October 07, 2005.
Today the weather is little bit cold. I practiced the Eucharistic presiding at the chapel and did laundry. In the afternoon I practiced the confession and the Mass with Valery as my presiding class requires doing it. In the breakfast, I was sharing my idea to Father Pascal about my feeling of lack of pastoral year experience as a Xaverian. I think I never had an experience working at a parish fully immersed as my other colleagues did. It came up I guess because my M.Div studies at CTU is going to finish soon, some 7 more months. Sometimes I feel lazy to do study and do start typing my paper. In the last 8 years I have been studying both in Indonesia and the U.S.A. I feel tired of this study. I need a break. I have intention to take pastoral year after graduating the M.Div next May 2006 in doing deaconate year. It’s just sudden thinking that I should consult to my superior both my spiritual director and formator. Sometimes I think it’s good way to return to Indonesia doing deaconate year in order to know more about my own province, the Xaverian ministry in Indonesia. I am jealous with my Xaverian friends who have this rich experience to be fully immersed at one of the parishes of the Xaverians in Indonesia. Basically I am open to wherever site I am going to work as a deacon. My aspiration is to be away of CTU, the academic study and work fully in a parish as my pastoral experience as a deacon. Is it becoming realized next year? We will see then. It is coming soon what is going to happen since May 2006 is close to my destiny.
Saturday, October 08, 2005.
After working at the kitchen and the first floor, I headed for public library borrowing and returning some 6 DVD’s then Chinatown. There’s parade on the street and bazaar at Saint Therese School. At 3 p.m. I returned home by CTA bus and train.
Sunday, October 09, 2005.
At 8.15 a.m. together with Valery I went to Saint Therese Church in Chinatown. With Cesare, a Jesuit student, I was serving at the Mass presided by Father Michael at 9.30 a.m. Soon after the Mass, Cesare and I were teaching the confirmation kids. There were 4 fellows coming today in spite of Marathon on the street. They are Naomi, Brittany, Alison and Alex. After having lunch at the rectory, I met Cesare to talk about the program next week. We went home to Hyde Park at 1.30 p.m. In the evening after supper, I did practice the sacrament of reconciliation with Valery and Father Victor as my professor of presiding, Father Richard Fragomeni required last week.
Denny Wahyudi, SX
Presiding (W 4202-1)
October 10, 2005
TOWARD A THEOLOGY OF PRESIDING
I was baptized in the Catholic Church at 16 years old by an Italian Vincentian priest, Sebastiano Fornasari, c.m. in my hometown, Madiun, Indonesia. I still remember on that day, December 24, 1990 in which my grandmother and both of my younger brothers were present as witnesses. This important moment in my life, to be born again in God’s love through the Catholic Church was documented in a picture that I always bring with me. On this picture I can see that the water of Baptism was running down on my forehead. Afterward I was interested in the way of life of priest as I saw in the Mass. I was impressed a lot when a priest presiding the Eucharist, wearing colorful chasuble, singing and preaching to the congregation. At that time I did not know what priest is all about. So far I knew that a priest is the one who presides the Mass and has privilege to consume big host and wine in the Mass. When I was in the Catholic primary school, I ever questioned: why only the priest who can drink wine in the Eucharist. I thought that he is very selfish, does not want to share it with others. On my Baptism day, I had privilege to have communion both the wine, the Blood of Christ and the host, the Body of Christ that gave me experience tasting the wine. As I served as an altar server on daily Masses every morning at 5.20 a.m. at the parish of my hometown, Saint Cornelius, I came to know closer how the priests celebrate the Mass. Apparently, this led me to have an idea to become a priest. I was curious to know more about the education of the priest in the seminary and I got a lot of information from various congregations in Indonesia whom I had correspondence with including the Xaverian Missionaries. Since my mind, idea, and spirit were devoted so much to the figure of a priest, I put white paper on my pictures as if it is a chasuble and cassock. I was very proud of myself and projected myself toward future. Beside that near before I graduated of high school, I taped my voice in praying the Eucharistic Prayer and shared them to my close friends as memory of me. At that time I liked to sing and preside the Mass as I dreamed to become a priest. Unfortunately, I did not enter a seminary after graduating of high school because my family especially my father was very upset if I became a priest. I could understand his opinion because he is not a Catholic.
Reflecting back on this life story I have small seed of vocation toward priesthood that eventually I answered and followed up by entering the Xaverian Missionaries in Jakarta, Indonesia after working for three years as soon as I graduated of high school. It has been 9 years since I joined the Xaverians, my spirit and enthusiasm to continue this journey are still strong and I am thinking that it is a matter of time that I am able to practice appropriately the Eucharistic presiding and other sacraments. On this class of presiding that I have been long for, my dream comes true to celebrate and preside the Mass. It is always my pleasure that I can wear an alb and a chasuble, and hold a host and a chalice. My proud, happy and joy feeling on this step of my formation are still the same I had when I was in the high school. In my reflection assessing my capacity on presiding, I come to realize that I am not a perfect man who is able to do the presiding without defects. As I see on many dimensions of myself, I should focus on practicing some areas that I need to know more intellectually and some areas/skills that I should have as I practice more and more in order to master it. All of these criteria I am going to spell out as follows.
In effective presiding I should keep in mind that it requires some various factors, namely, liturgical knowledge, communication skills, ritual embodiment, personal reverence and public ease (as given by the professor, Father Fragomeni).
In the liturgical knowledge, it seems to me that I have been studying academically Sacraments I (Initiation) and Sacrament II (Sacramental Theology) last year. In fact, I have short memory to recall all what I have done in reading and assignment. What I have to do now is to open again my note and books that support my understanding and knowledge of the liturgy especially for the Eucharist and the Initiation. I realize that if I do not use my knowledge into practice, I will lose it easily. So, in this class of presiding, I hope I can apply what I have learned into practicum. I have borrowed some books to review again my understanding of the Eucharist, such as the Origins of the Eucharistic Prayer and the Eucharistic Prayers of the Roman Rite by Enrico Mazza. At the same way I will learn again the book of RCIA, the rite for infant baptism, the marriage rite, the funeral rite, the rite of anointing and the rites of reconciliation, which some I have learned and some are new to learn.
In the Public Communication Skills I know my weaknesses and my strengths. Basically, I am a shy person but I can practice to say confidently in the public if I know exactly what I want to say. I like to read poetry in the public with all passion I have. It is a talent that I have since I was in the primary school. Once I participated in a contest of reading poetry and I got the second nomination. I feel that I have a good and mellow voice when I am speaking. It makes me confident to speak especially through the microphone. Speaking in English for me is a pleasure that I have been learning since in junior high school. I like to tape my voice in speaking English even though I realize that I am not a native speaker of English. I have my own accent and my weakness to pronounce some words incorrectly. In order to be better in this area, then I have to practice more and more and do this presiding assignment especially in the Eucharist and Confession with slow, clear and sure speaking. If I feel comfortable with my audience and myself, I can speak easily before them even though in some degree I still have little bit nervous. I think to do practice of the Eucharist in daily basis, I can handle this assignment so that on due time I feel enough comfort to tape it with participation of my Xaverian confreres in our chapel.
In the area of interpersonal instincts/skills I assess that I have enough empathy and easy to accept others in whatever their situation even though normally I have quiet attitude toward others. I can easily share my experience and feeling to others and enough patience to listen to others attentively. It is evident in my experience dealing with various kinds of patients at the Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) last summer 2006 at Alexian Brothers Medical Center. I feel comfortable to talk about myself to others and I always try to make balance talking about others and myself. Mutual interactive is always part of my effort to make the conversation flowing but sometimes I do not have many ideas to talk more.
In the area of embodiment I feel comfortable with my body and posture. It is my pleasure and ease to wear formal vesture in the Mass and other liturgical events. It is my dream to have it since I was teenager. Singing in the Mass that I have known well how to sing it is also my dream especially in the preface sang by the presider that nearly comes true on due time.
In term of prayer/reverence I like the prayer and formal prayer of the church. It is easy for me to read prayer that is already written but rather difficult to say prayer with my own words that need creativity. In practicing this spontaneous prayer I have experience when I did the CPE last summer in which, I, eventually, have a manner to utter my prayer before the patient based on my experience and heart and the situation of the patient. I believe that presiding liturgy in the Church requires mature preparation and practice that is long life process depending on the diverse situations. I have intention to know beforehand the things that I need to say in the prayer so that on due time I can do it confidently. It is amazing to see a priest, who says the prayer in the Eucharist with his full spirit and awareness. I like to imitate such priest but in reality there is few priest doing so. I often see priests say the Mass mechanically like a robot. It is my dream and idea that I should be attentive and aware of words I utter in the Mass. I know that I also have tendency to memorize the prayer and say it automatically. It is evident when I say the Lord’s Prayer I never think the meaning of the words any more.
All in all my theology of presiding is built upon my understanding of becoming a minister among the faithful (because I am coming from the ordinary faithful) and the examples both good and bad of other presiders. I learn of others’ style as well as my good and bad experience that shape my style of presiding. To be attentive toward the congregation is the important point to be a good presider. It can be realized in the gesture, communication skill and eye contact to them. The congregation will easily know when I say prayer in mechanic way without mean it heartily. To be humble and authentic before God and the congregation is a key point to be presider because I am a human being that can be wrong and make mistake both conscious and unconsciously. In the practicing this skill I should learn of my mistake and to be confident with my skill and talent that need to be practiced. It is not for me but for the faithful I minister for the glory of God. I do believe if I do the presiding in a good manner it will create a good impression of the faithful in their faith not to me but to the way they are praying toward God. I am only a servant who does the things should I do for the goodness of others.
Monday, October 03, 2005.
I attended the Amos class then at the library did some readings. From 1 p.m. till 3.45 p.m. I had presiding class in which we practiced the first part of presiding the Eucharist. In doing it, we realized that each and every one of us did mistake and felt nervous. Knowing this reality, I have conviction that I have to practice it in daily basis in my own room or chapel before acting on the due time this month. I have to submit a tape, a videocassette to my professor, Father Fragomeni, about presiding a Mass, a weekday Mass this month. At 2 p.m. we had a break to participate with other students, faculty and employees of CTU in ceremony putting a piece of construction that had been signed by many in the new building. At 2.40 p.m. we continued the presiding class with practicing the presiding of the Mass at the chapel, the 6th floor. At 5 p.m. in the community we did lectio divina led by Pascal Atumisi. From 7.15 p.m. to 8.45 p.m. I had colloquium (personal formation) with my formator/rector, Father Rocco. It is a time that I have been waiting for in two months after coming back from the CPE last summer.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005.
The whole morning plus afternoon I spent my time to read some articles for my integrating class. At 10 a.m. Father Rocco headed for Rome, Italy to attend the meeting of theology rectors of the Xaverians. In the evening I attended the class of integrating core (EMP) taught by Dawn Notwehr.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005.
In the morning I got a phone call from Juli, my penpal who is already in New York City. She is a choicer from Jakarta whom I know from e-mail. So, I never met her before. It’s once again the miracle of media Internet in this postmodern age. I refer her to my friend in NYC, Frans Slamet. I attended the Amos class in the morning and made photocopy for my EMP class at the library. At the registration office I took the graduation packet for May 18, 2006, for my M.Div degree. I have planned it since last year to graduate of M.Div in May 2006. Before noon I practiced to preside the Mass at the chapel. I am going to do it in daily basis by myself. After having rest in the afternoon, I did type the first paper of Presiding class, with the topic Toward a Theology of Presiding. I continued to type it again after the supper.
Thursday, October 06, 2005.
In the morning I attended Inculturation and Dialogue class and before noon at the chapel I was practicing the presiding of the Eucharist. I cooked Lasagna for CTU community gathering this evening. After the Holy Hour we as community went to CTU for the CTU community gathering.
Friday, October 07, 2005.
Today the weather is little bit cold. I practiced the Eucharistic presiding at the chapel and did laundry. In the afternoon I practiced the confession and the Mass with Valery as my presiding class requires doing it. In the breakfast, I was sharing my idea to Father Pascal about my feeling of lack of pastoral year experience as a Xaverian. I think I never had an experience working at a parish fully immersed as my other colleagues did. It came up I guess because my M.Div studies at CTU is going to finish soon, some 7 more months. Sometimes I feel lazy to do study and do start typing my paper. In the last 8 years I have been studying both in Indonesia and the U.S.A. I feel tired of this study. I need a break. I have intention to take pastoral year after graduating the M.Div next May 2006 in doing deaconate year. It’s just sudden thinking that I should consult to my superior both my spiritual director and formator. Sometimes I think it’s good way to return to Indonesia doing deaconate year in order to know more about my own province, the Xaverian ministry in Indonesia. I am jealous with my Xaverian friends who have this rich experience to be fully immersed at one of the parishes of the Xaverians in Indonesia. Basically I am open to wherever site I am going to work as a deacon. My aspiration is to be away of CTU, the academic study and work fully in a parish as my pastoral experience as a deacon. Is it becoming realized next year? We will see then. It is coming soon what is going to happen since May 2006 is close to my destiny.
Saturday, October 08, 2005.
After working at the kitchen and the first floor, I headed for public library borrowing and returning some 6 DVD’s then Chinatown. There’s parade on the street and bazaar at Saint Therese School. At 3 p.m. I returned home by CTA bus and train.
Sunday, October 09, 2005.
At 8.15 a.m. together with Valery I went to Saint Therese Church in Chinatown. With Cesare, a Jesuit student, I was serving at the Mass presided by Father Michael at 9.30 a.m. Soon after the Mass, Cesare and I were teaching the confirmation kids. There were 4 fellows coming today in spite of Marathon on the street. They are Naomi, Brittany, Alison and Alex. After having lunch at the rectory, I met Cesare to talk about the program next week. We went home to Hyde Park at 1.30 p.m. In the evening after supper, I did practice the sacrament of reconciliation with Valery and Father Victor as my professor of presiding, Father Richard Fragomeni required last week.
Denny Wahyudi, SX
Presiding (W 4202-1)
October 10, 2005
TOWARD A THEOLOGY OF PRESIDING
I was baptized in the Catholic Church at 16 years old by an Italian Vincentian priest, Sebastiano Fornasari, c.m. in my hometown, Madiun, Indonesia. I still remember on that day, December 24, 1990 in which my grandmother and both of my younger brothers were present as witnesses. This important moment in my life, to be born again in God’s love through the Catholic Church was documented in a picture that I always bring with me. On this picture I can see that the water of Baptism was running down on my forehead. Afterward I was interested in the way of life of priest as I saw in the Mass. I was impressed a lot when a priest presiding the Eucharist, wearing colorful chasuble, singing and preaching to the congregation. At that time I did not know what priest is all about. So far I knew that a priest is the one who presides the Mass and has privilege to consume big host and wine in the Mass. When I was in the Catholic primary school, I ever questioned: why only the priest who can drink wine in the Eucharist. I thought that he is very selfish, does not want to share it with others. On my Baptism day, I had privilege to have communion both the wine, the Blood of Christ and the host, the Body of Christ that gave me experience tasting the wine. As I served as an altar server on daily Masses every morning at 5.20 a.m. at the parish of my hometown, Saint Cornelius, I came to know closer how the priests celebrate the Mass. Apparently, this led me to have an idea to become a priest. I was curious to know more about the education of the priest in the seminary and I got a lot of information from various congregations in Indonesia whom I had correspondence with including the Xaverian Missionaries. Since my mind, idea, and spirit were devoted so much to the figure of a priest, I put white paper on my pictures as if it is a chasuble and cassock. I was very proud of myself and projected myself toward future. Beside that near before I graduated of high school, I taped my voice in praying the Eucharistic Prayer and shared them to my close friends as memory of me. At that time I liked to sing and preside the Mass as I dreamed to become a priest. Unfortunately, I did not enter a seminary after graduating of high school because my family especially my father was very upset if I became a priest. I could understand his opinion because he is not a Catholic.
Reflecting back on this life story I have small seed of vocation toward priesthood that eventually I answered and followed up by entering the Xaverian Missionaries in Jakarta, Indonesia after working for three years as soon as I graduated of high school. It has been 9 years since I joined the Xaverians, my spirit and enthusiasm to continue this journey are still strong and I am thinking that it is a matter of time that I am able to practice appropriately the Eucharistic presiding and other sacraments. On this class of presiding that I have been long for, my dream comes true to celebrate and preside the Mass. It is always my pleasure that I can wear an alb and a chasuble, and hold a host and a chalice. My proud, happy and joy feeling on this step of my formation are still the same I had when I was in the high school. In my reflection assessing my capacity on presiding, I come to realize that I am not a perfect man who is able to do the presiding without defects. As I see on many dimensions of myself, I should focus on practicing some areas that I need to know more intellectually and some areas/skills that I should have as I practice more and more in order to master it. All of these criteria I am going to spell out as follows.
In effective presiding I should keep in mind that it requires some various factors, namely, liturgical knowledge, communication skills, ritual embodiment, personal reverence and public ease (as given by the professor, Father Fragomeni).
In the liturgical knowledge, it seems to me that I have been studying academically Sacraments I (Initiation) and Sacrament II (Sacramental Theology) last year. In fact, I have short memory to recall all what I have done in reading and assignment. What I have to do now is to open again my note and books that support my understanding and knowledge of the liturgy especially for the Eucharist and the Initiation. I realize that if I do not use my knowledge into practice, I will lose it easily. So, in this class of presiding, I hope I can apply what I have learned into practicum. I have borrowed some books to review again my understanding of the Eucharist, such as the Origins of the Eucharistic Prayer and the Eucharistic Prayers of the Roman Rite by Enrico Mazza. At the same way I will learn again the book of RCIA, the rite for infant baptism, the marriage rite, the funeral rite, the rite of anointing and the rites of reconciliation, which some I have learned and some are new to learn.
In the Public Communication Skills I know my weaknesses and my strengths. Basically, I am a shy person but I can practice to say confidently in the public if I know exactly what I want to say. I like to read poetry in the public with all passion I have. It is a talent that I have since I was in the primary school. Once I participated in a contest of reading poetry and I got the second nomination. I feel that I have a good and mellow voice when I am speaking. It makes me confident to speak especially through the microphone. Speaking in English for me is a pleasure that I have been learning since in junior high school. I like to tape my voice in speaking English even though I realize that I am not a native speaker of English. I have my own accent and my weakness to pronounce some words incorrectly. In order to be better in this area, then I have to practice more and more and do this presiding assignment especially in the Eucharist and Confession with slow, clear and sure speaking. If I feel comfortable with my audience and myself, I can speak easily before them even though in some degree I still have little bit nervous. I think to do practice of the Eucharist in daily basis, I can handle this assignment so that on due time I feel enough comfort to tape it with participation of my Xaverian confreres in our chapel.
In the area of interpersonal instincts/skills I assess that I have enough empathy and easy to accept others in whatever their situation even though normally I have quiet attitude toward others. I can easily share my experience and feeling to others and enough patience to listen to others attentively. It is evident in my experience dealing with various kinds of patients at the Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) last summer 2006 at Alexian Brothers Medical Center. I feel comfortable to talk about myself to others and I always try to make balance talking about others and myself. Mutual interactive is always part of my effort to make the conversation flowing but sometimes I do not have many ideas to talk more.
In the area of embodiment I feel comfortable with my body and posture. It is my pleasure and ease to wear formal vesture in the Mass and other liturgical events. It is my dream to have it since I was teenager. Singing in the Mass that I have known well how to sing it is also my dream especially in the preface sang by the presider that nearly comes true on due time.
In term of prayer/reverence I like the prayer and formal prayer of the church. It is easy for me to read prayer that is already written but rather difficult to say prayer with my own words that need creativity. In practicing this spontaneous prayer I have experience when I did the CPE last summer in which, I, eventually, have a manner to utter my prayer before the patient based on my experience and heart and the situation of the patient. I believe that presiding liturgy in the Church requires mature preparation and practice that is long life process depending on the diverse situations. I have intention to know beforehand the things that I need to say in the prayer so that on due time I can do it confidently. It is amazing to see a priest, who says the prayer in the Eucharist with his full spirit and awareness. I like to imitate such priest but in reality there is few priest doing so. I often see priests say the Mass mechanically like a robot. It is my dream and idea that I should be attentive and aware of words I utter in the Mass. I know that I also have tendency to memorize the prayer and say it automatically. It is evident when I say the Lord’s Prayer I never think the meaning of the words any more.
All in all my theology of presiding is built upon my understanding of becoming a minister among the faithful (because I am coming from the ordinary faithful) and the examples both good and bad of other presiders. I learn of others’ style as well as my good and bad experience that shape my style of presiding. To be attentive toward the congregation is the important point to be a good presider. It can be realized in the gesture, communication skill and eye contact to them. The congregation will easily know when I say prayer in mechanic way without mean it heartily. To be humble and authentic before God and the congregation is a key point to be presider because I am a human being that can be wrong and make mistake both conscious and unconsciously. In the practicing this skill I should learn of my mistake and to be confident with my skill and talent that need to be practiced. It is not for me but for the faithful I minister for the glory of God. I do believe if I do the presiding in a good manner it will create a good impression of the faithful in their faith not to me but to the way they are praying toward God. I am only a servant who does the things should I do for the goodness of others.
