1) Sunday of Epiphany of the Lord, January 02, 2005
Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow a mystery.
Today is a gift,
That's why we call it
The Present -- Anonymous
Monday, December 27, 2004. Often people attempt to
live their lives backwards; they try to have more
things, or more money, in order to do more of what
they want, so they will be happier. The way it
actually works is in reverse. You must first be who
you really are, then do what you need to do, in order
to have what you want – (Margaret Young).
Our world is mourned by a natural disaster that
happened on December 26th 2004, namely, tsunami and
earthquake that victimized more than a hundred
thousand people in some poor areas such as Sri Lanka,
Aceh-Indonesia, India, Thailand and Maldives, even
Somalia-Eastern Africa. Many people try to give
meaning of this horrible nightmare calamity that
happened at the end of 2004 while the Christians just
celebrated the Christmas, the birth of their Savior.
May one asks, “Where was God, Jesus Christ in this
disaster? Why did God let it happen to so many poor
people?” Such event impacts many people, nations and
organizations to help and resolve the problem
afterward. There is such a competition of nations and
organizations how much money they can pledge to donate
and making a ranking. It seems to me that of here, the
care and solidarity of the world are measured by the
amount of money (materialism). Solidarity and
compassion are the theme of the end of 2004 and to
start the 2005. Some of us think and try: how to
muster the largess and to supply them to the direct
suffered people on sites, without long process and
corrupted agents. I believe that many generous people
will handle this situation as much as they can.
Probably our effort to help them just a little thing
but with this solidarity in whatever we contribute
that also given by many other people on this planet,
hopefully, the recovery of this hard situation will be
done rapidly both in short and long term. “What
contribution can I personally give here and now to our
brothers and sisters to rebuild their humanity without
assume that there are already many people who take
care of them?” is a pivotal question we should answer
and follow up as faithful people.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004. If you look carefully you
will see that there is one thing and only one thing
that causes unhappiness. The name of that thing is
Attachment. What is an attachment? An emotional state
of clinging caused by the belief that without some
particular thing or some person you cannot be happy –
(Anthony de Mello)
This week I spent my holiday time just in the house,
in Chicago. To see my life and my journal so far, I
was intrigued to write more meaningful journal in this
new-year 2005. I found some interesting quotations of
some famous people that I can learn of their wisdom
and I believe you will learn also of them. While I
still write my daily activity not so much in my
routine way but in what special and impressed me in my
life. May be it is a heavier and more demanding one,
but I will try my best. With reading of the editorial
of newspapers both The Chicago Tribune and The New
York Times, likely will enhance my knowledge what is
going on in the world and improve my English. I see
myself that I still have limited vocabularies in
English and I need to add more in my daily lives while
I live in the USA.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004. We must take care to
live not merely a long life, but a full one; for
living a long life requires only good fortune, but
living a full live requires-character (Seneca).
Thursday, December 30, 2004. A baby is God's opinion
that the world should go on (Carly Sandburg).
In the evening after supper, we gathered as a
community to talk and plan about our community event
celebrating the end of the year 2004, that is tomorrow
night. In conclusion, we agreed to do something
starting at 9 p.m. At night in the Petrus’ room, I
contributed my notes of my journal to make
kaleidoscope of our community in order to present them
in a power point program.
Friday, December 31, 2004. No man desires anything so
eagerly as God desires to bring men to the knowledge
of Himself. God is always ready, but we are very
unready. God is near us, but we are far from Him. God
is within, and we are without. God is friendly -- we
are estranged – (Meister Eckhart).
Almost the whole day, Petrus in his room were doing
the presentation of our community kaleidoscope for our
night event. Started at 9 p.m. led by Father Victor in
the chapel, we started our prayer to give thanks to
God for all graces that we receives both communaly and
personally and confess our sins and ask forgiveness.
It lasted in thirty minutes, then we proceeded with
dinner prepared by Father Pascal and Father Willy.
Finally, with the hard effort of Petrus and the final
gentle touch of Dharmawan, we gathered together to
watch the presentation of our community kaleidoscope.
It’s a perfect time because it finished almost at
midnight…it seemed that everybody were happy in this
event and we said good bye 2004 and welcome 2005. It’s
my first experience that I ever have to have gathering
in the end of the year with my community members. I
appreciate to the ones who suggested do this event
even though in a short time decision. All seemed run
very well and impressively in the spirit of fraternity
as brothers in our Xaverian community and family. I
hope it will continue in the journey of the year 2005
and looking forward to the end of 2005…..
Saturday, January 01, 2005. What lies behind us and
what lies before us are small matters compared to what
lies within us (Oliver Wendell Holmes).
In the evening, we (Petrus, Dharmawan, Pato, Father
Edi, osc and I) went to the Vincentian House at
Fullerton, the house of Father Jack, cm and Father
Eko, cm, to attend their invitation to have dinner of
this new and first day of 2005. There were about 16
people in this gathering that we were spending in
dining room savoring Indonesian food and hanging out
in the guestroom till 10.15 p.m. Thank you for the
invitation of Father Jack (who cooked as well as Rina
Bongsu) and Father Eko and also all friends whom we
met last night.
Sunday, January 02, 2005. Strange is our situation
upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, Not
knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose
(Albert Einstein).
This morning I woke up at 9 then I wrote this journal
till afternoon. At 3.15 p.m. with Dharmawan, I went to
Saint Therese Church to attend an infant baptism of
Magda Locklin’s son. The Mass was said in English and
presided by Father Jack, c.m. We continued the
celebration with dinner and hospitality at the
basement till 7 p.m.
The fruit of silence is prayer,
the fruit of prayer is faith,
the fruit of faith is love,
and the fruit of love is silence –
MotherTeresa
1) Hari Minggu Pesta Penampakan Tuhan, 02 Januari 2005
Kemarin adalah sejarah,
Esok adalah misteri,
Hari ini adalah berkat,
Itulah mengapa kita sebut hari ini sebagai
Hadiah -- Anonymous
Senin, 27 Desember 2004. Sering kali orang berusaha
untuk menjalani kehidupannya dengan melihat
sebaliknya; mereka mencoba untuk memiliki sesuatu
lebih, atau memiliki uang lebih, untuk dapat melakukan
sesuatu dengan lebih seperti yang mereka inginkan,
sehingga mereka akan menjadi lebih bahagia. Namun yang
terjadi adalah kebalikannya. Anda pertama harus
menjadi jati diri Anda sendiri, lalu melakukan apa
yang ingin Anda lakukan, untuk mendapatkan apa yang
Anda iginkan – (Margaret Young).
Dunia kita berdukacita secara mendalam dengan adanya
bencana alam yang terjadi pada tanggal 26 Desember
2004, yaitu bencana tsunami dan gempa bumi di Samudera
Hindia yang memakan korban lebih dari seratus ribu
orang di beberapa daerah miskin seperti Sri Lanka,
Aceh-Indonesia, India, Thailand dan Maldives, bahkan
Somalia- Afrika Timur. Banyak orang mencoba untuk
memberikan arti atas peristiwa bencana mengerikan yang
terjadi di penghujung tahun 2004 sementara kaum
Kristiani baru saja merayakan hari Natal, kelahiran
Sang Penebus Yesus Kristus di dunia. Mungkin seseorang
bertanya, “Di manakah Allah, Tuhan kita Yesus Kristus
dalam bencana ini?” Peristiwa semacam ini memberikan
pengaruh pada banyak orang, bangsa dan organisasi
untuk membantu dan memecahkan permasalahan
selanjutnya. Ada semacam persaingan antar
bangsa-bangsa dan organisasi-organisasi tentang berapa
banyak uang yang mereka janjikan untuk disumbangkan
dan membuat ranking berdasar banyaknya uang. Nampak
sekali dari sini bahwa kepekaan dan solidaritas dunia
diukur dari kucuran dollar (materialisme). Solidaritas
dan belas kasihan adalah tema di akhir tahun 2004 dan
permulaan tahun 2005. Beberapa di antara kita berpikir
dan mengusahakan: bagaimana caranya mengumpulkan dana
dan menyalurkannya secara langsung pada korban di
tempat kejadian, tanpa proses yang panjang dan agen
yang korup. Saya percaya bahwa banyak orang di planet
bumi kita ini akan mengatasi situasi parah ini
semaksimal mungkin. Barangkali usaha kita untuk
membantu mereka hanyalah hal yang terlalu kecil namun
dengan solidaritas ini dalam bentuk apa pun kita
mewujudkannya yang juga diberikan oleh sekian banyak
orang di dunia ini, kiranya, pemulihan situasi sulit
ini akan segera terlaksana dengan berkelanjutan dengan
cepat baik dalam jangka pendek maupun panjang.
“Sumbangan apakah yang secara pribadi dapat saya
berikan di sini dan saat ini kepada para
saudara-saudariku yang menderita untuk membangun
kembali sisi manusiawi mereka tanpa berasumsi bahwa
sudah banyak orang di sana yang memperhatikan mereka?”
adalah suatu pertanyaan yang sangat penting yang harus
kita jawab dan tindaklanjuti sebagi umat beriman.
Selasa, 28 Desember 2004. Jika kamu melihat dengan
jeli kamu akan melihat bahwa ada satu hal dan hanya
satu hal yang menyebabkan ketidakbahagiaan. Nama hal
itu adalah ke-melekat-an. Apa itu ke-melekat-an? Suatu
keadaan emosional yang berkeras hati disebabkan oleh
kepercayaan bahwa tanpa suatu hal yang khusus atau
tanpa beberapa orang tertentu kamu tidak dapat bahagia
– (Anthony de Mello)
Minggu ini adalah hari liburan sekolah yang saya
gunakan hanya tinggal di rumah saja, di Chicago.
Melihat hidup saya dan jurnal mingguan saya sejauh
ini, saya tergugah untuk menulis jurnal ini dengan
lebih bermakna dalam tahun baru 2005 ini. Saya
menemukan sebuah daftar kutipan kalimat dari bebarapa
orang terkenal di dunia yang saya dapat pelajari dari
kebijakan mereka dan saya percaya Anda sekalian juga
kana mendapatkan manfaat dari kutipan kata-kata
mereka. Sementara saya masih menuliskan kegiatan
harian saya namun tidak terlalu banyak dalam hal-hal
rutin harian tapi dalam hal yang khusus dan
mengesankan saya. Barangkali cara ini lebih berat dan
lebih banyak menuntut, nmaun saya akan mengusahakan
sebaik mungkin. Dengan membaca kolom editorial dari
dua surat kabar: The Chicago Tribune dan The New York
Times, mungkin saya akan meningkatkan pengetahuan saya
akan apa yang terjadi di dunia dan memperbaiki bahasa
Inggris saya. Saya melihat diri saya sendiri mash
memiliki kosakata dalam bahasa Inggris yang sedikit
dan saya perlu untuk menambah lagi setiap hari
sementara saya masih punya kesempatan hidup dan
tinggal di USA ini.
Rabu, 29 Desember 2004. Kita harus waspada untuk hidup
tidak hanya semata utuk hidup panjang, namun hidup
sepenuhnya; karena hidup panjang menuntut hanya nasib
baik, namun hidup dalam kepenuhan menuntut
karakter/watak.(Seneca).
Kamis, 30 Desember 2004. Seorang bayi adalah pemikiran
Allah bahwa dunia harus terus berjalan (Carly
Sandburg).
Di malam hari setelah makan malam, kami berkumpul
sebagai satu komunitas untuk berbicara dan
merencanakan tentang acara komunitas merayakan akhir
tahun 2004 dan tahun baru 2005, yaitu untuk besok
malam. Dalam kesimpulan yang diambil, kami sepakat
untuk melakukan sesuatu dan lain hal mulai pukul 9
malam. Di malam hari saya di kamar Petrus memberikan
catatan jurnal saya tahun 2004 untuk dibuat
kaleidoskop komunitas tahun 2004 yang dibuat dalam
bentuk presentasi power point.
Jumat, 31 Desember 2004. Tak seorang pun menginginkan
sesuatu sedemikian besarnya seperti Allah menghendaki
untuk membawa manusia pada pengetahuan akan diri-Nya.
Allah selalu siap sedia, namun kita sungguh tidak
siap. Allah berada di dekat kita, namun kita jauh
dari-Nya. Allah ada di dalam diri kita, dan kita tidak
di dalam diri-Nya. Allah ini sungguh bersahabat baik
dengan kita – namun kita menjadi terasing. (Meister
Eckhart).
Hampir seharian, Petrus di kamarnya mengerjakan
presentasi keleidoskop komunitas kami di Hyde Park
untuk acara malam ini. Mulai pukul 9 malam, dipimpin
oleh Pastor Victor, kami memulai doa kami mengucapkan
syukur pada Allah atas segala rahmat yang telah kami
terima baik secara komunitas maupun pribadi lalu
mengakukan dosa-dosa serta memohon pengampunan. Doa
ini berlangsung selama 30 menit, lalu kami melanjutkan
dengan makan malam bersama yang disiapkan oleh Pastor
Pascal dan Pastor Willy. Akhirnya, dengan usaha keras
Petrus serta sentuhan halus akhir Dharmawan untuk
presentasi power point, kami bersama menyaksikan
keleidoskop komunitas kami tahun 2004. Waktu yang
tersedia sungguh sempurna karena presentasi berakhir
beberapa menit sebelum pergantian tahun…nampaknya
semua menikmati presentasi ini dengan gembira ria dan
kami mengucapkan selamat tinggal 2004 dan selamat
datang tahun 2005. Ini adalah pengalaman pertama saya
di USA bersama komunitas saya meluangkan waktu bersama
untuk mengakhiri tahun penuh makna ini. Saya
menghargai mereka semua yang telah mengusulkan untuk
mengadakan acara bersama ini kendati pun dalam waktu
yang sungguh singkat dalam sebuah keputusan bersama.
Semuanya nampak berjalan dengan sangat bagus dan cukup
mengesankan dalam semangat kekeluargaan sebagai sesama
saudara dalam keluarga dan komunitas kami Xaverian.
Saya berharap hal ini akan berlanjut terus dalam
perjalanan waktu di tahun 2005 ini dan sambil
menyongsong apa yang akan terjadi di akhir tahun 2005
nanti…..
Sabtu, 01 Januari 2004. Apa yang terletak di belakang
kita dan apa yang terletak sebelum kita adalah urusan
kecil dibandingkan dengan apa yang terletak di dalam
diri kita sendiri (Oliver Wendell Holmes)
Malam hari ini, kami (Petrus, Dharmawan, Pato, Romo
Edi, osc dan saya sendiri) pergi ke rumah Vincentian,
rumah Romo Jack, cm dan Romo Eko, cm, untuk menghadiri
undangan mereka untuk makan malam pada hari pertama
dan hari baru di tahun 2005 ini. Ada sekitar 16 orang
dalam acara kekeluargaan ini yang berkumpul untuk
makan malam di ruang makan dan bercengkerama di kamar
tamu lantai dua hingga pukul 10.15 malam. Terim kasih
atas undangan Romo Jack (yang juga sudah memasak
makanan Indonesia ini bersama Rina Bongsu) dan Romo
Eko, c.m. serta semua teman yang kami jumpai di malam
kemarin ini.
Minggu, 02 Januari 2004. Anehlah situasi kita di dunia
ini. Setiap dari kita datang untuk waktu yang singkat,
tidak mengetahui mengapa, namun kadang nampaknya untuk
suatu tujuan ilahi. (Albert Einstein)
Pagi ini saya bangun agak siangan, jam 9 lalu menulis
jurnal saya edisi perdana tahun 2005 ini. Pukul 3.15
sore, dengan Dharmawan, saya pergi ke Gereja Saint
Therese Chinatown untuk menghadiri misa pembaptisan
bayi, yaitu putera Magda Locklin yang dipimpin oleh
Romo Jack, c.m. dalam bahasa Inggris. Acara
dilanjutkan dengan makan malam dan ramah tamah di
basement yang berakhir sekitar pukul 7 malam.
Buah keheningan adalah doa,
Buah doa adalah iman,
Buah iman adalah kasih,
dan buah kasih adalah keheningan.
MotherTeresa
Monday, March 07, 2005
surat ke-2 bulan Januari 2005
2) Sunday, the Baptism of the Lord, January 09, 2005
Monday, January 03, 2004. The Dialogue is a state of
mind of one who strives constantly to put the message
of which he is custodian into the mainstream of human
discourse. It is an example of the art of spiritual
communication (Pope Paul VI).
In the morning, Petrus, Alejandro and I went to Saint
Therese Church to help out putting down Christmas
ornaments at the basement till noon. Father Michael
cooked various pastas for our lunch that put weight on
me became heavier about 200 pounds (93 kgs). In the
afternoon I cooked in my community, lasagna and beef
soup (semur). At night Petrus, Dharmawan and I went to
Edi-Liza’s house in Chinatown to celebrate Liza’s
birthday.
Tuesday, January 04, 2004. To be able under all
circumstances to practice five things constitutes
perfect virtue. These five things are gravity,
generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and
kindness (Confucius).
In the evening after Vesper, Petrus and I went to
Magda Locklin’s house in Buffalo Grove (Northwestern
Chicago) to attend Magda’s invitation. The four
Indonesian Vincentian priests (Jack, Eko, Astanto, and
Susilo) also came to this special occasion in which we
celebrated the birthday of Father Astanto, cm who just
came from Philadelphia with Father Susilo, cm from New
York City. We had very delicious Indonesian food
cooked by the older sister of Magda who came from the
Dutch. As we left the place the snow already poured
down changing the circumstances surround became really
white winter season.
Wednesday, January 05, 2004. If you want others to be
happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy,
practice compassion (The Dalai Lama).
At night from 8.30 to 10, coming to our house the four
Indonesian Vincentian priests: Astanto, Susilo, Jack
and Eko; also Father Edi, osc while the snow was still
falling heavily.
Thursday, January 06, 2004. Knowledge speaks, but
wisdom listens (Jimi Hendrix).
After supper, we had a short community meeting talking
about the schedule of next three weeks in J-Term
period of CTU adjusted to our community timetable.
Friday, January 07, 2004. The most important thing in
life is to have a focus and a purpose (Marcus
Aurelius).
In the morning I shared my reflection upon the
liturgical reading of the Mass. I went to my ministry
site, David Darst to meet my supervisor in order to
plan a weekend retreat on January 21-23. It is my
reflection:
Reflection of Luke 5:12-16 (Friday, 07 January 2005)
Once upon a time a little girl said to her mother,
“Mom, why should we pray every day with the same
prayer? Does God already know our needs? Always saying
the same prayer is boring, Mom! Maybe we can write
letters to God and we don’t need to say the same
prayer ever day again.”
For us as religious perhaps having the same feeling
and experience in living our daily prayer that
sometimes makes us bored without enthusiasm to say it,
but because we have to do so, we do likely without a
full of consciousness. May we ask ourselves, “What
does prayer mean for me?” The questions about prayer
really cluster around the ‘God’s question’. The more
important question for us is: “What image of God is
operative in our life? Is God distant and uninvolved?
Does God offer love as a free gift or has it to be
earned? Is prayer essentially God’s action or is it
our effort expressed by quantity?
In the Gospel today, we heard that Jesus after healed
a man full of leprosy, continued to cure other
ailments but eventually he withdrew to deserted place
to pray. Often times we heard that Jesus needs also a
prayer time besides his ministry of others in order to
regain spiritual strength to serve them. We see in
Jesus life, there is an integration of ministry and
prayer life. Jesus knows when he needs a spiritual
retreat and avoiding a lot of people who need his
help. In our Xaverians Constitution number 43 it is
written, “Prayer is the principal activity of the
missioner. It strengthens his faithfulness and
sustains his apostolic commitment. The Lord often
retired to a quiet place to pray to the Father. His
example invites us to reserve ample space for
individual prayer, reflection, contemplation, even, if
necessary, at the expense of charitable work and
apostolic ministry.” In addition, in the Testament
Letter of our Founder number 8 mentioning that “As we
work for the salvation of others, may it never happen
that we neglect our own. Experience teaches that
indifference to spiritual means, a diminished interest
in things above, less concern for the good, feeble
resistance to temptation are all aspects of one and
the same thing.”
Saint Ignatius of Loyola saw God as dwelling in all
things and ‘laboring’ for people in the world and
experiences of life. This understanding is present
especially in the ‘Contemplation to attain the love of
God’ in the Exercises, which is arguably both a method
of prayer and a way of understanding the process of
prayer in daily life. It points to an awareness of God
in all times and in all things so that contemplation
and action become not two distinct things but
inextricably linked one to another. In other word,
“Contemplation in action and action in contemplation.”
Saint James in his letter (2:17) wrote, “Faith without
work is dead.” In our world we can see that most
people are busy with their work and spend little time
to pray. It is evident when I searched on the
Internet: on Yahoo as I searched the word “prayer”
there are 21,900,00 entries and the word “work”
509,000,000. Then I put “prayer and work”, there are
8,890,000 entries. It deciphers that not many people
understand and live in the meaning of ‘ora et labora’
(prayer and work), yet most people are busy to do
their mundane work to make money for their life and
happiness. But one said, “Often people attempt to live
their lives backwards; they try to have more things,
or more money, in order to do more of what they want,
so they will be happier. The way it actually works is
in reverse. You must first be who you really are, then
do what you need to do, in order to have what you
want” (Margaret Young).
The story of Christ’s healing of the leper is told at
this time of the liturgical year when we celebrate his
birth and will soon recall his baptism in the Jordan
for a very good reason. It looks forward to his public
ministry and suggests his coming passion and death by
which he will fulfill the purpose of his coming in the
flesh, namely, to restore our race to God’s favor. The
healing of a leper is a symbol of redemption, rebirth
and new life brought by the One sent by God to cleanse
all people from sin and the darkness of error and to
bestow of grace and eternal life. Here at the altar
where we offer the Eucharist and receive in communion
the body and blood of the risen Savior, we ourselves
receive a share in the healing touch of Jesus. They
are given as a fuller life that transcends all the
ills and passing sorrows and pains or a world made
sick through sin and the blindness of heart that it
causes. May we always prove grateful for his healing
gifts and in our turn be instruments of his compassion
and mercy to one another and especially to those who
are mourning and suffering and need our support and
help.
Mother Teresa said, “The fruit of silence is prayer,
the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is
love and the fruit of love is silence.” In prayer,
faith and love we remember our brothers and sister who
return to the Father because of the natural disaster.
O God, whose spirit moved over the deeps and called
forth order out of chaos. O God who sent a dove with
an olive branch to tell Noah that the flood was over,
send food and water, blankets, tents, medicine,
compassion, order and finally hope to all who suffer
on the shores of the Indian Ocean. To those whose
universe has crumbled, whose past and future have been
erased, send the comfort of human touch the knowledge
that strangers the world over ache for them and pray
and give for a new future filled with healing and new
possibility. In the midst of this anguish, help us see
how little it matters whether an orphan is Muslim or
Christian, whether roads are cleared by Americans or
Indians or Australians. Remind us that the prayers of
Buddhists, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Muslims all reach
your ears. Their cries are heard, their dead are held
in your eternal hands, their hope is in your mercy,
spread throughout the world by people who call on your
name in many tongues and follow your gracious will to
love and cherish their neighbor. Amen. (Taken from
“Prayer for Lost Souls”).
Saturday, January 08, 2005. The ultimate measure of a
man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but
where he stands at times of challenge and controversy
(Martin Luther King, Jr.).
In the morning I went to CTU to meet my academic
supervisor, Gil Ostdiek to sign up my add/drop form of
J-Term. Then, together with Petrus I went to Midway
airport to take an Indonesian friend and two others to
downtown and Metra station. Afterward, we went to
Saint Therese Church Chinatown: having lunch cooked by
Father Michael and spiritual direction with him. In
the evening, we had rosary prayer led by Petrus and we
prayed the Angelus prayer.
Sunday, January 09, 2005. Our family is a circle of
love, guided and directed from God above. With every
union and every birth, our circle grown with joy and
mirth. This love that flows so strong and deep, leaves
us memories to treasure and keep. And when a sadness
comes along, our circle tightens, remaining strong
(Anonymous).
Indonesian Catholics in Chicago held a fundraising
Mass in English at Saint Therese Church Chinatown for
the tsunamis’ victims in Aceh, Nias and other islands
in Indian Ocean. It was concelebrated by Father Eko,
cm, Father Jack, cm, Father Edi, osc and Father Kevin
(campus minister of DePaul University in Chicago). In
the homily, Father Edi was saying that we’re not only
human beings who have experiences but most importantly
that we’re spiritual beings who have compassion to
others who are mourning and weeping regardless their
religions, ethnic, nations, etc. Some of the
attendants were coming from CTU, not only Indonesians
but also some Philippinos, Americans even my
supervisor of ministry at David Darst came as well
since she read the announcement of this Mass from the
Internet. At the end of the Mass Father Eko was saying
his farewell words in Indonesian that he leaves for
Indonesia on January 19th to continue his ministry
after studying in Chicago for 3.5 years. We continued
our gathering with lunch prepared by Ibu Imelda, Ibu
Ina and other friends with simple menu fried rice and
eggs. In the evening at Erna’s house, we came to talk
and plan our appeal to raise fund at Saint Thomas the
Apostle Church for next week after Masses on Saturday
and Sunday.
2) Hari Minggu Pesta Pembaptisan Tuhan, 09 Januari
2005
Senin, 03 Januari 2004. Dialog adalah keadaan pikiran
seseorang yang berusaha terus-menerus menyampaikan
pesan di mana ia adalah pemelihara dalam percakapan
utama manusia. Ini adalah suatu contoh seni komunikasi
rohani (Pope Paul VI).
Pagi hari, saya ikut Petrus dan Alejandro pergi ke
Gereja Saint Therese Chinatwon untuk menurunkan hiasan
Natal di basement hingga siang hari. Pastor Michael
memasak berbagai macam makanan dalam bentuk pasta
untuk makan siang bersama yang membuat berat badan
saya naik hingga 200 pounds (93 kgs). Nampaknya berat
badan ini sudah mencapai puncaknya di awal tahun 2005
karena banyak ‘perjamuan’ di akhir tahun 2004 dan awal
tahun 2005, sudah saatnya untuk diet lagi. Sore hari
saya memasak untuk komunitasku yaitu masak lasagna
(sudah jadi tinggal masukin ke oven) dan semur daging.
Malam harinya Petrus dan Dharmawan mengajak saya pergi
ke rumah Edi-Liza di Chinatwon untuk merayakan hari
ulang tahun Liza. Ini makin menambah buncit perut
saya.
Selasa, 04 Januari 2004. Untuk bertahan dalam segala
situasi adalah dengan menerapkan lima hal yang
merupakan lima keutamaan. Kelima hal ini adalah
keseriusan, kemurahan hati, ketulusan hati,
kesungguhan dan kebaikan (Confucius).
Di sore hari setelah doa sore, Petrus dan saya pergi
ke rumah Magda di Buffalo Grove (Northwestern Chicago)
untuk menghadiri undangan Magda. Keempat pastor
Vincensian Indonesia (Jack, Eko, Astanto, dan Susilo)
juga datang pada acara khusus ini di mana kami
merayakan ulang tahun Romo Astanto, cm yang baru saja
tiba dari Philadelphia bersama Romo Susilo, cm dari
New York City. Kami makan makanan Indonesia yang
sunggu lezat serasa di Indonesia (soto Betawi, Sio
May, rempeyek Philadelphia, dll) yang dimasak oleh
kakak Magda dari Belanda. Ketika kami keluar rumah
untuk pulang salju sudah turun mengubah suasana
sekitar menjadi benar-benar musim dingin yang putih
dengan salju.
Rabu, 05 Januari 2004. Jika Anda menginginkan orang
lain bahagia, terapkanlah belas kasihan. Jika Anda
ingin bahagia, berbagilah belas kasihan (The Dalai
Lama).
Malam hari dari pukul 8.30 hingga 10, datang ke rumah
kami keempat pastor Vincensian Indonesia: Romo
Astanto, Susilo, Jack and Eko; juga Romo Edi, osc
sementara salju masih terus turun dengan lebatnya.
Kamis, 06 Januari 2004. Pengetahuan berbicara, namun
kebijaksanaan mendengarkan (Jimi Hendrix).
Setelah makan malam, kami mengadakan rapat komunitas
untuk membahas jadwal kuliah di CTU dalam tiga minggu
ke depan di musim J-Term (masa Januari) menyesuaikan
jadwal untuk kegiatan komunitas kami.
Jumat, 07 Januari 2004. Hal yang paling penting dalam
kehidupan adalah memiliki suatu fokus perhatian dan
sebuah tujuan (Marcus Aurelius).
Pagi hari saya mensharingkan renungan saya atas bacaan
liturgi dalam misa hari ini. Saya pergi ke tempat
kerasulan saya, David Darst untuk menemui supervisor
saya dan merencanakan retreat tanggal 21-23 Januari.
Untuk renungan saya di atas silahkan baca di atas
dalam versi bahasa Inggris.
Sabtu, 08 Januari 2004. Ukuran paling penting bagi
seorang manusia adalah bukan di mana ia menempatkan
diri dalam kenyamanan, namun di mana ia menempatkan
diri dalam menghadapi tantangan dan pertentangan
(Martin Luther King, Jr.).
Pagi hari saya pergi ke CTU untuk menemui dosen
pembimbing akademis saya, Gil Ostdiek, OFM untuk minta
tanda tangan formulir tambah/kurang untuk masa kuliah
J-Term. Lalu, bersama dengan Petrus saya pergi ke
bandara Midway untuk mengantarkan seorang teman
Indonesia dan dua teman lain ke downtown dan stasiun
kereta Metra. Setelah itu, kami pergi ke gereja Santa
Theresia Chinatown: makan siang di sini seperti biasa
dimasak oleh Pastor Michael dan bimbingan rohani
dengan Pastor Michael. Sore hari kami mengadakan doa
rosario di komunitas yang dipimpin oleh Petrus dan
kami berdoa juga doa Angelus.
Minggu, 09 Januari 2004. Keluarga kita adalah sebuah
lingkaran kasih, dipandu dan diatur oleh Allah
sendiri. Dengan setiap persatuan dan setiap kelahiran,
lingkaran kita berkembang dalam sukacita dan
kegembiraan. Kasih ini yang mengalir begitu kuat dan
dalam, memberikan kita kenangan untuk terus dijaga dan
dipelihara. Dan ketika duka menimpa, lingkaran kita
makin erat terjalin, tetap kuat (Anonim).
Pukul 12 siang di Gereja Santa Theresia Chinatown
Chicago PWKI (Paguyuban Warga Katolik di Chicago)
mengadakan misa dalam bahasa Inggris untuk menggalang
dana bagi para korban tsunami di Aceh, Nias dan
pulau-pulau lain di Samudera Hindia. Misa ini
dipimpin oleh Romo Eko, cm, Romo Jack, cm, Romo Edi,
osc dan seorang romo dari campus ministry di DePaul
University, Father Kevin. Dalam khotbahnya, Romo Edi
mengatakan bahwa kita bukanlah hanya makhluk hidup
yang memiliki pengalaman namun yang paling penting
lagi adalah bahwa kita adalah insan spiritual yang
memiliki perasaan dan belas kasihan terhadap sesama
yang sedang berduka dan menangis tanpa melihat agama,
suku, bangsa, dst. Beberapa dari umat yang datang pada
misa ini dari CTU, bukan hanya umat Indonesia namun
juga beberapa dari Philippine, Amerika bahkan
supervisor dari tempat kerasulan saya di David Darst
Center juga datang karena ia membaca pengumuman misa
ini di Internet. Pada akhir misa Romo Eko menyampaikan
kata-kata perpisahannya dalam bahasa Indonesia kepada
umat bahwa ia akan kembali pulang ke Indonesia tanggal
19 Januari meneruskan karyanya setelah selama 3,5
tahun belajar di Chicago. Kami melanjutkan kebersamaan
kami dengan ramah tamah dan makan siang di basement
seperti biasa yang disiapkan oleh para ibu kita yang
peduli dan berbagi kasih seperti Ibu Imelda, Ibu Ina
dan teman-teman lain dengan menu sederhana nasi goreng
plus telor dadar. Sore hari di rumah Mbak Erna, kami
berbicara dan merencanakan usaha pencarian dana untuk
korban tsunami ini di Gereja Santo Thomas Rasul di
Hyde Park untuk minggu depan setelah misa hari Sabtu
dan Minggu.
Monday, January 03, 2004. The Dialogue is a state of
mind of one who strives constantly to put the message
of which he is custodian into the mainstream of human
discourse. It is an example of the art of spiritual
communication (Pope Paul VI).
In the morning, Petrus, Alejandro and I went to Saint
Therese Church to help out putting down Christmas
ornaments at the basement till noon. Father Michael
cooked various pastas for our lunch that put weight on
me became heavier about 200 pounds (93 kgs). In the
afternoon I cooked in my community, lasagna and beef
soup (semur). At night Petrus, Dharmawan and I went to
Edi-Liza’s house in Chinatown to celebrate Liza’s
birthday.
Tuesday, January 04, 2004. To be able under all
circumstances to practice five things constitutes
perfect virtue. These five things are gravity,
generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and
kindness (Confucius).
In the evening after Vesper, Petrus and I went to
Magda Locklin’s house in Buffalo Grove (Northwestern
Chicago) to attend Magda’s invitation. The four
Indonesian Vincentian priests (Jack, Eko, Astanto, and
Susilo) also came to this special occasion in which we
celebrated the birthday of Father Astanto, cm who just
came from Philadelphia with Father Susilo, cm from New
York City. We had very delicious Indonesian food
cooked by the older sister of Magda who came from the
Dutch. As we left the place the snow already poured
down changing the circumstances surround became really
white winter season.
Wednesday, January 05, 2004. If you want others to be
happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy,
practice compassion (The Dalai Lama).
At night from 8.30 to 10, coming to our house the four
Indonesian Vincentian priests: Astanto, Susilo, Jack
and Eko; also Father Edi, osc while the snow was still
falling heavily.
Thursday, January 06, 2004. Knowledge speaks, but
wisdom listens (Jimi Hendrix).
After supper, we had a short community meeting talking
about the schedule of next three weeks in J-Term
period of CTU adjusted to our community timetable.
Friday, January 07, 2004. The most important thing in
life is to have a focus and a purpose (Marcus
Aurelius).
In the morning I shared my reflection upon the
liturgical reading of the Mass. I went to my ministry
site, David Darst to meet my supervisor in order to
plan a weekend retreat on January 21-23. It is my
reflection:
Reflection of Luke 5:12-16 (Friday, 07 January 2005)
Once upon a time a little girl said to her mother,
“Mom, why should we pray every day with the same
prayer? Does God already know our needs? Always saying
the same prayer is boring, Mom! Maybe we can write
letters to God and we don’t need to say the same
prayer ever day again.”
For us as religious perhaps having the same feeling
and experience in living our daily prayer that
sometimes makes us bored without enthusiasm to say it,
but because we have to do so, we do likely without a
full of consciousness. May we ask ourselves, “What
does prayer mean for me?” The questions about prayer
really cluster around the ‘God’s question’. The more
important question for us is: “What image of God is
operative in our life? Is God distant and uninvolved?
Does God offer love as a free gift or has it to be
earned? Is prayer essentially God’s action or is it
our effort expressed by quantity?
In the Gospel today, we heard that Jesus after healed
a man full of leprosy, continued to cure other
ailments but eventually he withdrew to deserted place
to pray. Often times we heard that Jesus needs also a
prayer time besides his ministry of others in order to
regain spiritual strength to serve them. We see in
Jesus life, there is an integration of ministry and
prayer life. Jesus knows when he needs a spiritual
retreat and avoiding a lot of people who need his
help. In our Xaverians Constitution number 43 it is
written, “Prayer is the principal activity of the
missioner. It strengthens his faithfulness and
sustains his apostolic commitment. The Lord often
retired to a quiet place to pray to the Father. His
example invites us to reserve ample space for
individual prayer, reflection, contemplation, even, if
necessary, at the expense of charitable work and
apostolic ministry.” In addition, in the Testament
Letter of our Founder number 8 mentioning that “As we
work for the salvation of others, may it never happen
that we neglect our own. Experience teaches that
indifference to spiritual means, a diminished interest
in things above, less concern for the good, feeble
resistance to temptation are all aspects of one and
the same thing.”
Saint Ignatius of Loyola saw God as dwelling in all
things and ‘laboring’ for people in the world and
experiences of life. This understanding is present
especially in the ‘Contemplation to attain the love of
God’ in the Exercises, which is arguably both a method
of prayer and a way of understanding the process of
prayer in daily life. It points to an awareness of God
in all times and in all things so that contemplation
and action become not two distinct things but
inextricably linked one to another. In other word,
“Contemplation in action and action in contemplation.”
Saint James in his letter (2:17) wrote, “Faith without
work is dead.” In our world we can see that most
people are busy with their work and spend little time
to pray. It is evident when I searched on the
Internet: on Yahoo as I searched the word “prayer”
there are 21,900,00 entries and the word “work”
509,000,000. Then I put “prayer and work”, there are
8,890,000 entries. It deciphers that not many people
understand and live in the meaning of ‘ora et labora’
(prayer and work), yet most people are busy to do
their mundane work to make money for their life and
happiness. But one said, “Often people attempt to live
their lives backwards; they try to have more things,
or more money, in order to do more of what they want,
so they will be happier. The way it actually works is
in reverse. You must first be who you really are, then
do what you need to do, in order to have what you
want” (Margaret Young).
The story of Christ’s healing of the leper is told at
this time of the liturgical year when we celebrate his
birth and will soon recall his baptism in the Jordan
for a very good reason. It looks forward to his public
ministry and suggests his coming passion and death by
which he will fulfill the purpose of his coming in the
flesh, namely, to restore our race to God’s favor. The
healing of a leper is a symbol of redemption, rebirth
and new life brought by the One sent by God to cleanse
all people from sin and the darkness of error and to
bestow of grace and eternal life. Here at the altar
where we offer the Eucharist and receive in communion
the body and blood of the risen Savior, we ourselves
receive a share in the healing touch of Jesus. They
are given as a fuller life that transcends all the
ills and passing sorrows and pains or a world made
sick through sin and the blindness of heart that it
causes. May we always prove grateful for his healing
gifts and in our turn be instruments of his compassion
and mercy to one another and especially to those who
are mourning and suffering and need our support and
help.
Mother Teresa said, “The fruit of silence is prayer,
the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is
love and the fruit of love is silence.” In prayer,
faith and love we remember our brothers and sister who
return to the Father because of the natural disaster.
O God, whose spirit moved over the deeps and called
forth order out of chaos. O God who sent a dove with
an olive branch to tell Noah that the flood was over,
send food and water, blankets, tents, medicine,
compassion, order and finally hope to all who suffer
on the shores of the Indian Ocean. To those whose
universe has crumbled, whose past and future have been
erased, send the comfort of human touch the knowledge
that strangers the world over ache for them and pray
and give for a new future filled with healing and new
possibility. In the midst of this anguish, help us see
how little it matters whether an orphan is Muslim or
Christian, whether roads are cleared by Americans or
Indians or Australians. Remind us that the prayers of
Buddhists, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Muslims all reach
your ears. Their cries are heard, their dead are held
in your eternal hands, their hope is in your mercy,
spread throughout the world by people who call on your
name in many tongues and follow your gracious will to
love and cherish their neighbor. Amen. (Taken from
“Prayer for Lost Souls”).
Saturday, January 08, 2005. The ultimate measure of a
man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but
where he stands at times of challenge and controversy
(Martin Luther King, Jr.).
In the morning I went to CTU to meet my academic
supervisor, Gil Ostdiek to sign up my add/drop form of
J-Term. Then, together with Petrus I went to Midway
airport to take an Indonesian friend and two others to
downtown and Metra station. Afterward, we went to
Saint Therese Church Chinatown: having lunch cooked by
Father Michael and spiritual direction with him. In
the evening, we had rosary prayer led by Petrus and we
prayed the Angelus prayer.
Sunday, January 09, 2005. Our family is a circle of
love, guided and directed from God above. With every
union and every birth, our circle grown with joy and
mirth. This love that flows so strong and deep, leaves
us memories to treasure and keep. And when a sadness
comes along, our circle tightens, remaining strong
(Anonymous).
Indonesian Catholics in Chicago held a fundraising
Mass in English at Saint Therese Church Chinatown for
the tsunamis’ victims in Aceh, Nias and other islands
in Indian Ocean. It was concelebrated by Father Eko,
cm, Father Jack, cm, Father Edi, osc and Father Kevin
(campus minister of DePaul University in Chicago). In
the homily, Father Edi was saying that we’re not only
human beings who have experiences but most importantly
that we’re spiritual beings who have compassion to
others who are mourning and weeping regardless their
religions, ethnic, nations, etc. Some of the
attendants were coming from CTU, not only Indonesians
but also some Philippinos, Americans even my
supervisor of ministry at David Darst came as well
since she read the announcement of this Mass from the
Internet. At the end of the Mass Father Eko was saying
his farewell words in Indonesian that he leaves for
Indonesia on January 19th to continue his ministry
after studying in Chicago for 3.5 years. We continued
our gathering with lunch prepared by Ibu Imelda, Ibu
Ina and other friends with simple menu fried rice and
eggs. In the evening at Erna’s house, we came to talk
and plan our appeal to raise fund at Saint Thomas the
Apostle Church for next week after Masses on Saturday
and Sunday.
2) Hari Minggu Pesta Pembaptisan Tuhan, 09 Januari
2005
Senin, 03 Januari 2004. Dialog adalah keadaan pikiran
seseorang yang berusaha terus-menerus menyampaikan
pesan di mana ia adalah pemelihara dalam percakapan
utama manusia. Ini adalah suatu contoh seni komunikasi
rohani (Pope Paul VI).
Pagi hari, saya ikut Petrus dan Alejandro pergi ke
Gereja Saint Therese Chinatwon untuk menurunkan hiasan
Natal di basement hingga siang hari. Pastor Michael
memasak berbagai macam makanan dalam bentuk pasta
untuk makan siang bersama yang membuat berat badan
saya naik hingga 200 pounds (93 kgs). Nampaknya berat
badan ini sudah mencapai puncaknya di awal tahun 2005
karena banyak ‘perjamuan’ di akhir tahun 2004 dan awal
tahun 2005, sudah saatnya untuk diet lagi. Sore hari
saya memasak untuk komunitasku yaitu masak lasagna
(sudah jadi tinggal masukin ke oven) dan semur daging.
Malam harinya Petrus dan Dharmawan mengajak saya pergi
ke rumah Edi-Liza di Chinatwon untuk merayakan hari
ulang tahun Liza. Ini makin menambah buncit perut
saya.
Selasa, 04 Januari 2004. Untuk bertahan dalam segala
situasi adalah dengan menerapkan lima hal yang
merupakan lima keutamaan. Kelima hal ini adalah
keseriusan, kemurahan hati, ketulusan hati,
kesungguhan dan kebaikan (Confucius).
Di sore hari setelah doa sore, Petrus dan saya pergi
ke rumah Magda di Buffalo Grove (Northwestern Chicago)
untuk menghadiri undangan Magda. Keempat pastor
Vincensian Indonesia (Jack, Eko, Astanto, dan Susilo)
juga datang pada acara khusus ini di mana kami
merayakan ulang tahun Romo Astanto, cm yang baru saja
tiba dari Philadelphia bersama Romo Susilo, cm dari
New York City. Kami makan makanan Indonesia yang
sunggu lezat serasa di Indonesia (soto Betawi, Sio
May, rempeyek Philadelphia, dll) yang dimasak oleh
kakak Magda dari Belanda. Ketika kami keluar rumah
untuk pulang salju sudah turun mengubah suasana
sekitar menjadi benar-benar musim dingin yang putih
dengan salju.
Rabu, 05 Januari 2004. Jika Anda menginginkan orang
lain bahagia, terapkanlah belas kasihan. Jika Anda
ingin bahagia, berbagilah belas kasihan (The Dalai
Lama).
Malam hari dari pukul 8.30 hingga 10, datang ke rumah
kami keempat pastor Vincensian Indonesia: Romo
Astanto, Susilo, Jack and Eko; juga Romo Edi, osc
sementara salju masih terus turun dengan lebatnya.
Kamis, 06 Januari 2004. Pengetahuan berbicara, namun
kebijaksanaan mendengarkan (Jimi Hendrix).
Setelah makan malam, kami mengadakan rapat komunitas
untuk membahas jadwal kuliah di CTU dalam tiga minggu
ke depan di musim J-Term (masa Januari) menyesuaikan
jadwal untuk kegiatan komunitas kami.
Jumat, 07 Januari 2004. Hal yang paling penting dalam
kehidupan adalah memiliki suatu fokus perhatian dan
sebuah tujuan (Marcus Aurelius).
Pagi hari saya mensharingkan renungan saya atas bacaan
liturgi dalam misa hari ini. Saya pergi ke tempat
kerasulan saya, David Darst untuk menemui supervisor
saya dan merencanakan retreat tanggal 21-23 Januari.
Untuk renungan saya di atas silahkan baca di atas
dalam versi bahasa Inggris.
Sabtu, 08 Januari 2004. Ukuran paling penting bagi
seorang manusia adalah bukan di mana ia menempatkan
diri dalam kenyamanan, namun di mana ia menempatkan
diri dalam menghadapi tantangan dan pertentangan
(Martin Luther King, Jr.).
Pagi hari saya pergi ke CTU untuk menemui dosen
pembimbing akademis saya, Gil Ostdiek, OFM untuk minta
tanda tangan formulir tambah/kurang untuk masa kuliah
J-Term. Lalu, bersama dengan Petrus saya pergi ke
bandara Midway untuk mengantarkan seorang teman
Indonesia dan dua teman lain ke downtown dan stasiun
kereta Metra. Setelah itu, kami pergi ke gereja Santa
Theresia Chinatown: makan siang di sini seperti biasa
dimasak oleh Pastor Michael dan bimbingan rohani
dengan Pastor Michael. Sore hari kami mengadakan doa
rosario di komunitas yang dipimpin oleh Petrus dan
kami berdoa juga doa Angelus.
Minggu, 09 Januari 2004. Keluarga kita adalah sebuah
lingkaran kasih, dipandu dan diatur oleh Allah
sendiri. Dengan setiap persatuan dan setiap kelahiran,
lingkaran kita berkembang dalam sukacita dan
kegembiraan. Kasih ini yang mengalir begitu kuat dan
dalam, memberikan kita kenangan untuk terus dijaga dan
dipelihara. Dan ketika duka menimpa, lingkaran kita
makin erat terjalin, tetap kuat (Anonim).
Pukul 12 siang di Gereja Santa Theresia Chinatown
Chicago PWKI (Paguyuban Warga Katolik di Chicago)
mengadakan misa dalam bahasa Inggris untuk menggalang
dana bagi para korban tsunami di Aceh, Nias dan
pulau-pulau lain di Samudera Hindia. Misa ini
dipimpin oleh Romo Eko, cm, Romo Jack, cm, Romo Edi,
osc dan seorang romo dari campus ministry di DePaul
University, Father Kevin. Dalam khotbahnya, Romo Edi
mengatakan bahwa kita bukanlah hanya makhluk hidup
yang memiliki pengalaman namun yang paling penting
lagi adalah bahwa kita adalah insan spiritual yang
memiliki perasaan dan belas kasihan terhadap sesama
yang sedang berduka dan menangis tanpa melihat agama,
suku, bangsa, dst. Beberapa dari umat yang datang pada
misa ini dari CTU, bukan hanya umat Indonesia namun
juga beberapa dari Philippine, Amerika bahkan
supervisor dari tempat kerasulan saya di David Darst
Center juga datang karena ia membaca pengumuman misa
ini di Internet. Pada akhir misa Romo Eko menyampaikan
kata-kata perpisahannya dalam bahasa Indonesia kepada
umat bahwa ia akan kembali pulang ke Indonesia tanggal
19 Januari meneruskan karyanya setelah selama 3,5
tahun belajar di Chicago. Kami melanjutkan kebersamaan
kami dengan ramah tamah dan makan siang di basement
seperti biasa yang disiapkan oleh para ibu kita yang
peduli dan berbagi kasih seperti Ibu Imelda, Ibu Ina
dan teman-teman lain dengan menu sederhana nasi goreng
plus telor dadar. Sore hari di rumah Mbak Erna, kami
berbicara dan merencanakan usaha pencarian dana untuk
korban tsunami ini di Gereja Santo Thomas Rasul di
Hyde Park untuk minggu depan setelah misa hari Sabtu
dan Minggu.
surat ke-3 bulan Januari 2005
3) 2nd Sunday in Ordinary Time, January 16, 2005
Monday, January 10, 2004. “In humility is perfect
freedom” (Thomas Merton).
This morning, 8.30 to 11.15 I had a class at CTU for
J-Term (three weeks), Healthy Human Sexual Development
for Ministry. The faculty who teach this class there
are 6 professors such as Dawn Notwehr, OSF, Thomas
Nairn, OFM and there are 13 students. From the
Xaverians there are 4 students: Jacques, Alejandro,
Dharmawan and I. In the afternoon, Dharmawan took me
to my ministry site, David Darst Center. I had a
meeting to plan a weekend retreat with my supervisor,
Sister Paula and Gayle. Afterward, we went to LSTC
bookstore to buy a book of sexuality class.
As I called up my oldest sister in Indonesia, she told
me that my uncle (the older brother of my mother)
passed away on January 6th in the age 69 year-old. I
had a chance to envoy my condolence with calling up my
cousin, Yudi (the 3rd son of my uncle) in
Madiun-Indonesia.
Tuesday, January 11, 2004. “The remedy for
unpredictability, for the chaotic uncertainty of the
future, is contained in the faculty to make and keep
promise.” (Hannah Arendt).
In the morning I had the sexuality class at CTU then
cooked hot dog for my community. In the afternoon I
called up the supervisor of CPE program, James
Gullickson and I will have interview of this summer
program on Tuesday, January 25th at 3 p.m. at Alexian
Brothers hospital, Elk Village Grove, Illinois.
I wrote a reflection on the cultural perspective on my
sexuality class:
How has my culture shaped my experiences and
understanding of sexuality?
I was born and raised in East Java, Indonesia by a
Chinese descent family who have already lived and
adapted in local Javanese culture from a number of
generations. In my family, my parents never talked
about sex and sexuality to me because probably they
considered that this issue is only for adult people
and we will come to know about it when we are becoming
adult. It is influenced so much of our local culture
that talking about sex especially to the children is a
taboo and shameful thing. It is only appropriately
talked by adult persons and between a married-couple.
Even my parents as I remember, never gave me advice
about relationship to other gender as I grew up in
high school. I came to know about sex and sexuality
from my own searching, my self-discovery from
newspaper, books and magazines. In the age of puberty,
I was sometimes still confused and questioning about
my own mysterious libido that I found out the answer
from the wide-opened information in mass media. I felt
ashamed also when somebody talking about this issue
and I never raised the questions to competent persons.
In my own family, the greeting between our family
members never expressed by touching each other, even I
never embracing or shaking hand to my father,
grandmother and siblings after so long time we did not
meet each other. I never reflected deeply about this
case but I ever read one article that some general
culture among the Chinese descendants in Indonesia
having such a custom. This influenced my way to relate
others in school and society. Normally, I keep very
strict boundaries to other gender in the relationship.
The normal way to greet others in my own culture is
shaking hand but never embracing each other. Since I
live in the USA I have to adjust the custom and
culture of embracing and hugging each other in
friendship. When I saw this Western culture when I was
in Indonesia, I still wondered how I could adjust this
custom. But, luckily I got accustom without feeling
guilty or other strange feelings. Since in the
kindergarten and primary school, gathering with other
gender friends is a shameful way. It creates a custom
that I had to make friendship to my own gender, boys.
Most of my close friends were boys and apparently I
never had female friends in my house despite my own
shyness attitude. At primary school normally we sit
with the same gender friend and very seldom we sit
with other gender friend. Once I sit with a female
friend, I felt very uncomfortable and too cautious
keeping boundaries especially in secondary high
school.
Even though it seems that sexuality is taboo but in
the society especially in mass media such as movie,
film and advertisement, we can see daily performance
that tends to sex and vulgar relationship between man
and woman. It makes many children more curious to know
about sex and sexuality without taken care by the
parents and adult persons. The information that I got
was ranging from positive to negative teachings and
sometimes ambiguous and I did not know which one the
right according to the norm of my Catholic religion.
One major thing that probably makes me think and
reflect is self-pleasure such as masturbation. It is
struck me when I found that there are some different
approaches and arguments regard to this issue in the
traditional Catholic teaching and other modern
thinkers. Some consider it as mortal sin and others as
venial sin. Some myths about this disorder sexual
custom in Indonesia influenced also my understanding
about sexuality. I hope from this course I come to
know how to deal with this issue in a better
understanding as I prepare myself becoming a minister
in the Catholic Church.
Wednesday, January 12, 2004. “We must not give only
what we have; we must give what we are”(Cardinal
Mercia).
I attended a class of sexuality in the morning. In the
supper, there were Father Alfredo and Adolph from
Milwaukee who just had a meeting with other formators.
In my reflection on the commitment of sexuality class,
I came up with this idea:
“Exploring Commitments and My Capacity for Making and
Keeping Them”
I chose ‘FRIENDSHIP’ because this word recalls my
experience dealing with so many people in my long-life
process as of now. Starting with my friends of close
neighbors in some areas that I had been living in,
schools, working places, my formation time in the
Xaverian Missionaries, and all people whom I met
during my ministry as a religious, teacher and a
friend of them. There is one special female friend who
gave me a lot of meaning enduring what I have been
choosing as a religious. Her care of me drew me to a
certain feeling that I never had before, namely,
feeling of falling in love to a girl. It put me on a
threshold of my journey toward a
missionary-religious-priesthood and at the same time
transformed and awakened me who I am as a normal human
being. Eventually, I could say full of gratitude of
this experience. I always remember of my philosophy
professor who said, “To love and to be loved as a
human person is giving an ultimate meaning in one’s
life.” To love is not to be attached to someone, so
gradually my attached feeling to her becoming a test
to me to be an unconditioned lover, to be a lover to
many God’s people especially those who do not love me.
It is much easier to love those who love us and it is
very difficult and almost impossible to love those who
are not happy with our presence.” Another lesson of my
professor is when I fall in love, as soon as possible
I should stand up, awake and be aware of then to build
this love in positive way. From my spiritual director
I learn that to love is a commitment, not a feeling
merely. This unforgettable memory strengthens my
commitment to embrace my religious life even though in
the beginning it cost me a lot of tension and
confusion in my own personality and freedom. To be
honest to myself and to others especially my formator,
I told this love story both to my formators and my
confreres in order to let them know who I was at that
time and to ask help to endure this long-life
vocation. My strength is that I could accept this
moving experience as a positive lesson and to share
plainly to others. In addition, to treat her and other
friends as God’s people in their dignity and still
keep them in my prayer that God allowed them to come
into my life story.
It suggests me to be more aware that I am a man who
needs care, love, attention and acceptance of others
especially other gender. It makes me realized that I
am a normal man who devotes myself to God’s service in
a celibate way with all consequences such as
loneliness, lack of love and attention of others,
depression and isolated life. In my fragility as a
human being, I just surrender to God’s compassion to
keep me being faithful in my daily journey. When I
fall down into temptation, I believe it signs me that
I am a fragile human, not myself who can endure this
kind of life but merely God’s love and compassion and
also great grace. Without God, I am nothing. My
commitments to my religious life in order to
ministering God’s people are full of struggle in my
whole life that require a lot of patience, wisdom and
daily denying of myself. In my weaknesses I commit
myself to God. “If anyone desires to come after me,
let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and
follow me.” (Luke 9:23).
Some clues that I can enhance my ability to be with
others in a committed relationship in ministry are to
be honest to myself and to respect others in their
dignity as human beings and do my best to love them in
mutual and unconditional way. Full of compassion and
forgiveness to others will cure some conflicts that
may occur in the relationship. To be aware of the
ministry boundaries is a wise way to relate to others
in the ministry and at the same time not to be afraid
in dealing with them in cooperative way as teamwork.
To be authentic as I am in front of the others will
help others and myself as well to know each other
better.
Thursday, January 13, 2004. “Those who don't know how
to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh
either”(Golda Meir).
In the afternoon from 3 to 4.30, we had a community
meeting with an agenda of evaluation of our community
project of life in the spiritual dimension. As I read
my reading of the sexuality class, I found an
interesting one: “Sexuality is as much about having
friends as it is about having lovers. It is painful to
sleep alone but it is perhaps even more painful to
sleep alone when you are not sleeping alone. Thus,
while genitality should never be denigrated and seen
as something that is not spiritual or important, it
should not be asked, all by itself, to be responsible
for community, friendship, family and delight within
our lives” (Ronald Rolheiser).
Friday, January 14, 2004. “Those that lose wealth,
lose much; those that lose friends, lose more; but
those that lose spirit, lose all” (Spanish proverb).
In the morning I still had a sexuality class in which
the second session we had a sharing time in a small
group.
Saturday, January 15, 2005. “Every action of ours must
be accompanied by a reflection to orient it, to order
it, to make it coherent, so that it does not lapse
into a sterile and superficial activism” (Gustavo
Gutierrez).
In the afternoon, before and after the Mass at 5.30 at
Saint Thomas the Apostle Church at Hyde Park with the
initiative of Erna, an Indonesian lady who studies for
doctoral degree at the University of Chicago and the
cooperation of some Indonesians (Father Edi, osc and
Father Rudi, osc, Sony, svd, Francis, svd, and 4
Xaverian students: Petrus, Ignas, Dharmawan and I), we
raised fund for the Indonesian Relief Tsunami. At
night we continued our gathering at Erna’s house.
Sunday, January 16, 2005.
“Christ has no body now but yours;
no hands, no feet on earth, but yours.
Yours are the eyes
through which he looks with compassion on this world;
Yours are the feet
with which he walks to do good;
Yours are the hands
with which he blesses all the world.
Christ has no body now on earth but yours” (Saint
Teresa of Avila).
We continued to raise donation for the Indonesian
Tsunami Relief Fund at Saint Thomas Church in which we
were present in front of the main door of the church
every Masses at 8 a.m., 10 a.m., 12.15 a.m. and 5.30
p.m. At the end of this appeal we counted the fund
from many generous parishioners of Saint Thomas Church
almost as much as $ 5,000. Thank be to God and to all
of them and we will supply all of this fund to
Indonesian Catholic Group in Chicago in order to be
sent directly to some areas such as Nias Islands in
Indonesia which endure the Tsunami devastation.
3) Hari Minggu Biasa ke-2, 16 Januari 2005
Senin, 10 Januari 2004. “Dalam kerendahan hati
terdapat kemerdekaan yang sempurna” (Thomas Merton).
Pagi ini dari jam 8.30 hingga 11.15 saya mengikuti
kuliah di CTU untuk masa kuliah J-Term (January term
selama tiga minggu), yaitu matakuliah Pengembangan
Seksualitas Manusia yang sehat untuk Pelayanan. Staf
pengajar untuk kuliah ini ada 6 dosen diantaranya
adalah Dawn Notwehr, OSF, dan Thomas Nairn, OFM yang
diikuti oleh 13 mahasiswa. Kami dari Xaverian ada 4
frater: Jacques, Alejandro, Dharmawan dan saya
sendiri. Sore hari, Dharmawan mengantar saya ke tempat
kerasulan saya di David Darst Center. Saya mengikuti
pertemuan bersama dengan suprvisor kerasulan saya
yaitu Suster Paula, OSF dan Gayle. Setelah itu, kami
pergi ke toko buku LSTC untuk membeli buku untuk mata
kuliah seksualitas.
Ketika saya menelpon kakak sulung saya di Indonesia,
ia bercerita padaku bahwa paman saya (kakak dari ibu
saya) telah meninggal dunia tanggal 6 Januari lalu
dalam usianya yang ke-69 tahun. Saya sempat menelpon
saudara sepupu saya, Yudi (anak ketiga dari paman
saya) di Madiun-Indonesia menyampaikan belasungkawa
saya.
Selasa, 11 Januari 2004. “Obat untuk hal yang tidak
dapat diperkirakan sebelumnya, untuk ketidakpastian
yang kacau untuk masa mendatang, terkandung dalam
kemampuan dan menjaga janji.” (Hannah Arendt).
Pagi hari saya mengikuti seksualitas kelas di CTU lalu
sore hari masak hot dog untuk komunitas saya di sini.
Sore hari saya menelpon supervisor program Klinik
Pastoral (CPE), James Gullickson dan saya akan menemui
dia untuk interview buat program CPE musim panas 2005,
hari Selasa, 25 Januari pukul 3 sore di rumah sakit
Alxian Brothers di Elk Village Grove, Illinois.
Saya menulis sebuah refleksi atas perspektif budaya
untuk kuliah seksualitas dengan pertanyaan: Bagaimana
budayaku membentuk pengalaman-pengalamanku dan
pemahamanku akan seksualitas? (Silahkan baca renungan
ini di atas….di edisi “English”).
Rabu, 12 Januari 2004. “Kita seharusnya tidak hanya
memberikan apa yang kita punya; kita harus memberikan
apa adanya kita” (Cardinal Mercia).
Saya mengikuti kuliah seksualitas pagi hari. Dalam
makan malam bersama di komunitas, ada dua pastor SX
dari Milwaukee yang baru saja mengadakan rapat para
formator di sini, yaitu Alfredo dan Adolph. Dalam
refleksi saya atas komitmen dalam kuliah seksualitas,
saya menuliskan permenungan saya berikut ini (silahkan
baca di atas yah…..di edisi “English”- nya).
Kamis, 13 Januari 2004. “Mereka yang tidak mengetahui
bagaimana menangis dengan segenap hati, mereka tidak
tahu bagaimana tertawa dengan segenap hati pula”(Golda
Meir).
Di sore hari pukul 3 hingga 4.30, kami mengadakan
rapat komunitas dengan sebuah agenda tentang evaluasi
proyek hidup bersama dalam dimensi rohani. Saat
membaca bacaan tentang seksualitas, saya menemukan
suatu kutipan yang cukup menarik, berikut ini:
“Seksualitas adalah tentang sebanyak memiliki teman
sebagaimana memiliki kekasih. Adalah menyakitkan tidur
sendirian namun kemungkinan jauh lebih menyakitkan
lagi tidur sendirian ketika kamu tidak tidur
sendirian. Maka, sementara hal kemaluan selayaknya
tidak diingkari dan dilihat sebagai sesuatu yang bukan
rohaniah atau tidak penting, seharusnya tidak
dipertanyakan, seluruhnya oleh dirinya sendiri,
menjadi bertanggung jawab bagi komunitas,
persahabatan, keluarga dan kegembiraan dalam hidup
kita” (Ronald Rolheiser).
Jumat, 14 Januari 2004. “Mereka yang kehilangan
kesejahteraan, kehilangan banyak; mereka yang
kehilangan teman, kehilangan lebih banyak; namun
mereka yang kehilangan roh, kehilangan segala-galanya”
(peribahasa Spanyol).
Pagi hari saya masih menghadiri kuliah seksualitas di
mana dalam bagian kedua kami mengadakan sharing dalam
kelompok kecil.
Sabtu, 15 Januari 2004. “Setiap tindakan kita haruslah
disertai oleh refleksi untuk mengarahkan diri, untuk
memerintahkannya, untuk membuatnya masuk akal,
sehingga tidak berubah dalam sesuatu yang hampa dan
kegiatan yang dangkal belaka” (Gustavo Gutierrez).
Sore hari sebelum dan sesudah misa pukul 5.30 di
Gereja Santo Thomas Rasul di Hyde Park dengan
inisiatif Mbak Erna dengan kerjasama kami para
mahasiswa Indonesia (Romo Edi, osc, Romo Rudi, osc,
dua frater diakon svd: Sony dan Francis serta empat
frater Xaverian: Petrus, Ignas, Dharmawan dan saya)
kami berusaha mengusahakan dana bantuan untuk korban
bencana Tsunami di Indonesia. Malam harinya kami
berkumpul di rumah Mbak Erna.
Minggu, 16 Januari 2004.
“Kristus tidak memiliki tubuh lagi sekarang tapi
tubuhmu;
tidak memiliki tangan, tidak memiliki kaki di bumi
ini, tapi tangan dan kakimu.
Tubuhmu adalah mata di mana ia melihat dengan penuh
belas kasih di dunia ini;
Engkau adalah kaki di mana ia berjalan melakukan
hal-hal baik;
Engkau adalah tangan di mana ia memberkati dunia ini.
Kristus tidak memiliki tubuh lagi sekarang di dunia
ini namun dirimulah”
(Santa Teresa dari Avila).
Kami melanjutkan pencarian dana untuk korban Tsunami
di Indonesia di Gereja Santo Thomas di mana kami hadir
di depan pintu utama gereja ini dalam setiap misa jam
8, 10, 12.15 dan sore jam 5.30. Pada akhir acara
penggalangan dana ini kami menghitung seluruh dana
dari segenap kebaikan hati umat paroki Santo Thomas
sebesar hampir 5.000 US dollar. Kami bersyukur kepada
Allah dan seluruh umat paroki ini lalu kami akan
segera menyalurkan seluruh dana ini ke PWKI (Paguyuban
Warga Katolik Indonesia di Chicago) untuk langsung
dikirimkan ke beberapa daerah di Pulau Nias di
Indonesia yang mengalami bencana alam Tsunami ini.
Monday, January 10, 2004. “In humility is perfect
freedom” (Thomas Merton).
This morning, 8.30 to 11.15 I had a class at CTU for
J-Term (three weeks), Healthy Human Sexual Development
for Ministry. The faculty who teach this class there
are 6 professors such as Dawn Notwehr, OSF, Thomas
Nairn, OFM and there are 13 students. From the
Xaverians there are 4 students: Jacques, Alejandro,
Dharmawan and I. In the afternoon, Dharmawan took me
to my ministry site, David Darst Center. I had a
meeting to plan a weekend retreat with my supervisor,
Sister Paula and Gayle. Afterward, we went to LSTC
bookstore to buy a book of sexuality class.
As I called up my oldest sister in Indonesia, she told
me that my uncle (the older brother of my mother)
passed away on January 6th in the age 69 year-old. I
had a chance to envoy my condolence with calling up my
cousin, Yudi (the 3rd son of my uncle) in
Madiun-Indonesia.
Tuesday, January 11, 2004. “The remedy for
unpredictability, for the chaotic uncertainty of the
future, is contained in the faculty to make and keep
promise.” (Hannah Arendt).
In the morning I had the sexuality class at CTU then
cooked hot dog for my community. In the afternoon I
called up the supervisor of CPE program, James
Gullickson and I will have interview of this summer
program on Tuesday, January 25th at 3 p.m. at Alexian
Brothers hospital, Elk Village Grove, Illinois.
I wrote a reflection on the cultural perspective on my
sexuality class:
How has my culture shaped my experiences and
understanding of sexuality?
I was born and raised in East Java, Indonesia by a
Chinese descent family who have already lived and
adapted in local Javanese culture from a number of
generations. In my family, my parents never talked
about sex and sexuality to me because probably they
considered that this issue is only for adult people
and we will come to know about it when we are becoming
adult. It is influenced so much of our local culture
that talking about sex especially to the children is a
taboo and shameful thing. It is only appropriately
talked by adult persons and between a married-couple.
Even my parents as I remember, never gave me advice
about relationship to other gender as I grew up in
high school. I came to know about sex and sexuality
from my own searching, my self-discovery from
newspaper, books and magazines. In the age of puberty,
I was sometimes still confused and questioning about
my own mysterious libido that I found out the answer
from the wide-opened information in mass media. I felt
ashamed also when somebody talking about this issue
and I never raised the questions to competent persons.
In my own family, the greeting between our family
members never expressed by touching each other, even I
never embracing or shaking hand to my father,
grandmother and siblings after so long time we did not
meet each other. I never reflected deeply about this
case but I ever read one article that some general
culture among the Chinese descendants in Indonesia
having such a custom. This influenced my way to relate
others in school and society. Normally, I keep very
strict boundaries to other gender in the relationship.
The normal way to greet others in my own culture is
shaking hand but never embracing each other. Since I
live in the USA I have to adjust the custom and
culture of embracing and hugging each other in
friendship. When I saw this Western culture when I was
in Indonesia, I still wondered how I could adjust this
custom. But, luckily I got accustom without feeling
guilty or other strange feelings. Since in the
kindergarten and primary school, gathering with other
gender friends is a shameful way. It creates a custom
that I had to make friendship to my own gender, boys.
Most of my close friends were boys and apparently I
never had female friends in my house despite my own
shyness attitude. At primary school normally we sit
with the same gender friend and very seldom we sit
with other gender friend. Once I sit with a female
friend, I felt very uncomfortable and too cautious
keeping boundaries especially in secondary high
school.
Even though it seems that sexuality is taboo but in
the society especially in mass media such as movie,
film and advertisement, we can see daily performance
that tends to sex and vulgar relationship between man
and woman. It makes many children more curious to know
about sex and sexuality without taken care by the
parents and adult persons. The information that I got
was ranging from positive to negative teachings and
sometimes ambiguous and I did not know which one the
right according to the norm of my Catholic religion.
One major thing that probably makes me think and
reflect is self-pleasure such as masturbation. It is
struck me when I found that there are some different
approaches and arguments regard to this issue in the
traditional Catholic teaching and other modern
thinkers. Some consider it as mortal sin and others as
venial sin. Some myths about this disorder sexual
custom in Indonesia influenced also my understanding
about sexuality. I hope from this course I come to
know how to deal with this issue in a better
understanding as I prepare myself becoming a minister
in the Catholic Church.
Wednesday, January 12, 2004. “We must not give only
what we have; we must give what we are”(Cardinal
Mercia).
I attended a class of sexuality in the morning. In the
supper, there were Father Alfredo and Adolph from
Milwaukee who just had a meeting with other formators.
In my reflection on the commitment of sexuality class,
I came up with this idea:
“Exploring Commitments and My Capacity for Making and
Keeping Them”
I chose ‘FRIENDSHIP’ because this word recalls my
experience dealing with so many people in my long-life
process as of now. Starting with my friends of close
neighbors in some areas that I had been living in,
schools, working places, my formation time in the
Xaverian Missionaries, and all people whom I met
during my ministry as a religious, teacher and a
friend of them. There is one special female friend who
gave me a lot of meaning enduring what I have been
choosing as a religious. Her care of me drew me to a
certain feeling that I never had before, namely,
feeling of falling in love to a girl. It put me on a
threshold of my journey toward a
missionary-religious-priesthood and at the same time
transformed and awakened me who I am as a normal human
being. Eventually, I could say full of gratitude of
this experience. I always remember of my philosophy
professor who said, “To love and to be loved as a
human person is giving an ultimate meaning in one’s
life.” To love is not to be attached to someone, so
gradually my attached feeling to her becoming a test
to me to be an unconditioned lover, to be a lover to
many God’s people especially those who do not love me.
It is much easier to love those who love us and it is
very difficult and almost impossible to love those who
are not happy with our presence.” Another lesson of my
professor is when I fall in love, as soon as possible
I should stand up, awake and be aware of then to build
this love in positive way. From my spiritual director
I learn that to love is a commitment, not a feeling
merely. This unforgettable memory strengthens my
commitment to embrace my religious life even though in
the beginning it cost me a lot of tension and
confusion in my own personality and freedom. To be
honest to myself and to others especially my formator,
I told this love story both to my formators and my
confreres in order to let them know who I was at that
time and to ask help to endure this long-life
vocation. My strength is that I could accept this
moving experience as a positive lesson and to share
plainly to others. In addition, to treat her and other
friends as God’s people in their dignity and still
keep them in my prayer that God allowed them to come
into my life story.
It suggests me to be more aware that I am a man who
needs care, love, attention and acceptance of others
especially other gender. It makes me realized that I
am a normal man who devotes myself to God’s service in
a celibate way with all consequences such as
loneliness, lack of love and attention of others,
depression and isolated life. In my fragility as a
human being, I just surrender to God’s compassion to
keep me being faithful in my daily journey. When I
fall down into temptation, I believe it signs me that
I am a fragile human, not myself who can endure this
kind of life but merely God’s love and compassion and
also great grace. Without God, I am nothing. My
commitments to my religious life in order to
ministering God’s people are full of struggle in my
whole life that require a lot of patience, wisdom and
daily denying of myself. In my weaknesses I commit
myself to God. “If anyone desires to come after me,
let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and
follow me.” (Luke 9:23).
Some clues that I can enhance my ability to be with
others in a committed relationship in ministry are to
be honest to myself and to respect others in their
dignity as human beings and do my best to love them in
mutual and unconditional way. Full of compassion and
forgiveness to others will cure some conflicts that
may occur in the relationship. To be aware of the
ministry boundaries is a wise way to relate to others
in the ministry and at the same time not to be afraid
in dealing with them in cooperative way as teamwork.
To be authentic as I am in front of the others will
help others and myself as well to know each other
better.
Thursday, January 13, 2004. “Those who don't know how
to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh
either”(Golda Meir).
In the afternoon from 3 to 4.30, we had a community
meeting with an agenda of evaluation of our community
project of life in the spiritual dimension. As I read
my reading of the sexuality class, I found an
interesting one: “Sexuality is as much about having
friends as it is about having lovers. It is painful to
sleep alone but it is perhaps even more painful to
sleep alone when you are not sleeping alone. Thus,
while genitality should never be denigrated and seen
as something that is not spiritual or important, it
should not be asked, all by itself, to be responsible
for community, friendship, family and delight within
our lives” (Ronald Rolheiser).
Friday, January 14, 2004. “Those that lose wealth,
lose much; those that lose friends, lose more; but
those that lose spirit, lose all” (Spanish proverb).
In the morning I still had a sexuality class in which
the second session we had a sharing time in a small
group.
Saturday, January 15, 2005. “Every action of ours must
be accompanied by a reflection to orient it, to order
it, to make it coherent, so that it does not lapse
into a sterile and superficial activism” (Gustavo
Gutierrez).
In the afternoon, before and after the Mass at 5.30 at
Saint Thomas the Apostle Church at Hyde Park with the
initiative of Erna, an Indonesian lady who studies for
doctoral degree at the University of Chicago and the
cooperation of some Indonesians (Father Edi, osc and
Father Rudi, osc, Sony, svd, Francis, svd, and 4
Xaverian students: Petrus, Ignas, Dharmawan and I), we
raised fund for the Indonesian Relief Tsunami. At
night we continued our gathering at Erna’s house.
Sunday, January 16, 2005.
“Christ has no body now but yours;
no hands, no feet on earth, but yours.
Yours are the eyes
through which he looks with compassion on this world;
Yours are the feet
with which he walks to do good;
Yours are the hands
with which he blesses all the world.
Christ has no body now on earth but yours” (Saint
Teresa of Avila).
We continued to raise donation for the Indonesian
Tsunami Relief Fund at Saint Thomas Church in which we
were present in front of the main door of the church
every Masses at 8 a.m., 10 a.m., 12.15 a.m. and 5.30
p.m. At the end of this appeal we counted the fund
from many generous parishioners of Saint Thomas Church
almost as much as $ 5,000. Thank be to God and to all
of them and we will supply all of this fund to
Indonesian Catholic Group in Chicago in order to be
sent directly to some areas such as Nias Islands in
Indonesia which endure the Tsunami devastation.
3) Hari Minggu Biasa ke-2, 16 Januari 2005
Senin, 10 Januari 2004. “Dalam kerendahan hati
terdapat kemerdekaan yang sempurna” (Thomas Merton).
Pagi ini dari jam 8.30 hingga 11.15 saya mengikuti
kuliah di CTU untuk masa kuliah J-Term (January term
selama tiga minggu), yaitu matakuliah Pengembangan
Seksualitas Manusia yang sehat untuk Pelayanan. Staf
pengajar untuk kuliah ini ada 6 dosen diantaranya
adalah Dawn Notwehr, OSF, dan Thomas Nairn, OFM yang
diikuti oleh 13 mahasiswa. Kami dari Xaverian ada 4
frater: Jacques, Alejandro, Dharmawan dan saya
sendiri. Sore hari, Dharmawan mengantar saya ke tempat
kerasulan saya di David Darst Center. Saya mengikuti
pertemuan bersama dengan suprvisor kerasulan saya
yaitu Suster Paula, OSF dan Gayle. Setelah itu, kami
pergi ke toko buku LSTC untuk membeli buku untuk mata
kuliah seksualitas.
Ketika saya menelpon kakak sulung saya di Indonesia,
ia bercerita padaku bahwa paman saya (kakak dari ibu
saya) telah meninggal dunia tanggal 6 Januari lalu
dalam usianya yang ke-69 tahun. Saya sempat menelpon
saudara sepupu saya, Yudi (anak ketiga dari paman
saya) di Madiun-Indonesia menyampaikan belasungkawa
saya.
Selasa, 11 Januari 2004. “Obat untuk hal yang tidak
dapat diperkirakan sebelumnya, untuk ketidakpastian
yang kacau untuk masa mendatang, terkandung dalam
kemampuan dan menjaga janji.” (Hannah Arendt).
Pagi hari saya mengikuti seksualitas kelas di CTU lalu
sore hari masak hot dog untuk komunitas saya di sini.
Sore hari saya menelpon supervisor program Klinik
Pastoral (CPE), James Gullickson dan saya akan menemui
dia untuk interview buat program CPE musim panas 2005,
hari Selasa, 25 Januari pukul 3 sore di rumah sakit
Alxian Brothers di Elk Village Grove, Illinois.
Saya menulis sebuah refleksi atas perspektif budaya
untuk kuliah seksualitas dengan pertanyaan: Bagaimana
budayaku membentuk pengalaman-pengalamanku dan
pemahamanku akan seksualitas? (Silahkan baca renungan
ini di atas….di edisi “English”).
Rabu, 12 Januari 2004. “Kita seharusnya tidak hanya
memberikan apa yang kita punya; kita harus memberikan
apa adanya kita” (Cardinal Mercia).
Saya mengikuti kuliah seksualitas pagi hari. Dalam
makan malam bersama di komunitas, ada dua pastor SX
dari Milwaukee yang baru saja mengadakan rapat para
formator di sini, yaitu Alfredo dan Adolph. Dalam
refleksi saya atas komitmen dalam kuliah seksualitas,
saya menuliskan permenungan saya berikut ini (silahkan
baca di atas yah…..di edisi “English”- nya).
Kamis, 13 Januari 2004. “Mereka yang tidak mengetahui
bagaimana menangis dengan segenap hati, mereka tidak
tahu bagaimana tertawa dengan segenap hati pula”(Golda
Meir).
Di sore hari pukul 3 hingga 4.30, kami mengadakan
rapat komunitas dengan sebuah agenda tentang evaluasi
proyek hidup bersama dalam dimensi rohani. Saat
membaca bacaan tentang seksualitas, saya menemukan
suatu kutipan yang cukup menarik, berikut ini:
“Seksualitas adalah tentang sebanyak memiliki teman
sebagaimana memiliki kekasih. Adalah menyakitkan tidur
sendirian namun kemungkinan jauh lebih menyakitkan
lagi tidur sendirian ketika kamu tidak tidur
sendirian. Maka, sementara hal kemaluan selayaknya
tidak diingkari dan dilihat sebagai sesuatu yang bukan
rohaniah atau tidak penting, seharusnya tidak
dipertanyakan, seluruhnya oleh dirinya sendiri,
menjadi bertanggung jawab bagi komunitas,
persahabatan, keluarga dan kegembiraan dalam hidup
kita” (Ronald Rolheiser).
Jumat, 14 Januari 2004. “Mereka yang kehilangan
kesejahteraan, kehilangan banyak; mereka yang
kehilangan teman, kehilangan lebih banyak; namun
mereka yang kehilangan roh, kehilangan segala-galanya”
(peribahasa Spanyol).
Pagi hari saya masih menghadiri kuliah seksualitas di
mana dalam bagian kedua kami mengadakan sharing dalam
kelompok kecil.
Sabtu, 15 Januari 2004. “Setiap tindakan kita haruslah
disertai oleh refleksi untuk mengarahkan diri, untuk
memerintahkannya, untuk membuatnya masuk akal,
sehingga tidak berubah dalam sesuatu yang hampa dan
kegiatan yang dangkal belaka” (Gustavo Gutierrez).
Sore hari sebelum dan sesudah misa pukul 5.30 di
Gereja Santo Thomas Rasul di Hyde Park dengan
inisiatif Mbak Erna dengan kerjasama kami para
mahasiswa Indonesia (Romo Edi, osc, Romo Rudi, osc,
dua frater diakon svd: Sony dan Francis serta empat
frater Xaverian: Petrus, Ignas, Dharmawan dan saya)
kami berusaha mengusahakan dana bantuan untuk korban
bencana Tsunami di Indonesia. Malam harinya kami
berkumpul di rumah Mbak Erna.
Minggu, 16 Januari 2004.
“Kristus tidak memiliki tubuh lagi sekarang tapi
tubuhmu;
tidak memiliki tangan, tidak memiliki kaki di bumi
ini, tapi tangan dan kakimu.
Tubuhmu adalah mata di mana ia melihat dengan penuh
belas kasih di dunia ini;
Engkau adalah kaki di mana ia berjalan melakukan
hal-hal baik;
Engkau adalah tangan di mana ia memberkati dunia ini.
Kristus tidak memiliki tubuh lagi sekarang di dunia
ini namun dirimulah”
(Santa Teresa dari Avila).
Kami melanjutkan pencarian dana untuk korban Tsunami
di Indonesia di Gereja Santo Thomas di mana kami hadir
di depan pintu utama gereja ini dalam setiap misa jam
8, 10, 12.15 dan sore jam 5.30. Pada akhir acara
penggalangan dana ini kami menghitung seluruh dana
dari segenap kebaikan hati umat paroki Santo Thomas
sebesar hampir 5.000 US dollar. Kami bersyukur kepada
Allah dan seluruh umat paroki ini lalu kami akan
segera menyalurkan seluruh dana ini ke PWKI (Paguyuban
Warga Katolik Indonesia di Chicago) untuk langsung
dikirimkan ke beberapa daerah di Pulau Nias di
Indonesia yang mengalami bencana alam Tsunami ini.
surat ke-4 bulan Januari 2005
4) 3rd Sunday in Ordinary Time, January 23, 2005
Monday, January 17, 2004. “Three qualities of marriage
are unconditional love, coming to consensus and active
forgiving” (Kathy Haskin).
Today is the USA national day off, celebration of
Martin Luther King Jr. In the morning from 10 to 12 I
met a Canon Law professor, a Norbertin Abbot from
Milwaukee, Father Gary Naville at CTU in order to do
suggestion of my academic advisor, Gil Ostdiek, OFM to
have private tutoring about Sacrament of Penance. I
thank to him that he gave me enough explanation of the
sacrament of penance and probably I will review again
his handout given to me. One thing that is interesting
to me: he has a principle that before we learn how to
give sacrament of penance to the faithful, it is much
better if I am as a seminarian having a custom to
receive the sacrament and believe on the meaning of it
and to live it out in my spiritual journey actively
and consciously in which someday as a priest I will
minister of it to others. This is exactly, the
principle that I have until now. How we become
faithfully and believe to give this sacrament to the
faithful if we as priests are not confident and
faithful to practice it. He added that most of the
seminarians he taught in 1990’s at CTU, they did not
go to the sacrament of penance frequently after many
years. What an irony?
Tuesday, January 18, 2004. “All of the spirituality
life can be summed up in two words, ‘Stay Awake.’”
(Bishop Morneau of Green Bay).
Today in the Mass we celebrated the intention of
Christian Unity (Oikumene). From 18 to 25 January
there is a week of prayer by the Churches in the
world. At CTU I attended a class of sexuality in which
we watched a videocassette of Diane Bergant explaining
the Book Song of Songs. Even though it was just a
videocassette, I could not fall asleep because she has
a sort of inner power to transfer her knowledge beside
her talent of teaching.
Wednesday, January 19, 2004. “Marriage is a unique
sign of the incarnation, of the mystery that the
transcendent reality of God became flesh in the person
and life of Christ, just as men and women incarnate
their transforming reality of divine grace in their
total love for one another” (Karl Rahner).
After arriving home at noon, I watched some
videocassettes about sexuality that we have in the TV
room at the basement in order to give me more
understanding of the class that I have this month.
Thursday, January 20, 2004. “Love is not simply a
matter of immediate feelings. There may be times, even
in deep love commitments, when tangible feelings are
absent” (Philip Sheldrake).
Almost the whole day it’s snowing. I had a discussion
group in the sexuality class at the 8th floor of CTU
building. In the afternoon, at 3 to 5 p.m. we had a
community meeting continuing to evaluate our community
project of life in the spiritual dimension. At night I
did write this weekly journal that I draw the
quotations from my reading on the sexuality class that
I read during this week. As I read the reading
assignments, I was impressed by some sentences,
therefore I wrote down on this journal.
Friday, January 21, 2004. ”The search for love also
reveals the need for a balance between solitude and
intimacy. The call to intimacy is also a call to learn
that, however much two people love each other, they
never own each other nor finally know each other”
(Philip Sheldrake).
In morning I attended a sexuality class at CTU and in
the afternoon Dharmawan took me to my ministry site,
David Darst Center. There was a youth group from
Lansing Catholic High School in Michigan having this
weekend retreat. They are 11 senior students (7 girls
and 4 boys) and two teachers. This time Gayle, was not
there since she went to visit her father who is sick
in Missouri. So, this retreat was run only by Sister
Paula and myself. In the first session I gave a game
that has a meaning of cross, a rope game. It seemed
they enjoy it. Dharmawan helped me prepare and lead
the Taize prayer for night prayer. I stayed at this
retreat house and Dharmawan left soon after the night
prayer finished while snow was falling heavily.
Saturday, January 22, 2005. “Loneliness,
vulnerability, and loss can stir sexual longing and
create countertransferential reactions that, if left
unprocessed, can add confusion to ministerial
relationship. Sexual feelings need to be owned and
processed in therapy, spiritual direction,
supervision, support groups, and/or ministry groups”
(Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
Woke up in the morning, I shoveled bunch of snow at
the front side of the retreat house. There was a
volunteer lady named Peg O’Brien cooking for our
breakfast and lunch. In the morning till noon, we were
guided by an African American Christian Brother, named
Raymond to a tour seeing South side area of Chicago by
their white van car. After having lunch, we went to
Blessed Sacrament Youth Center in which we
intermingled with the youth mostly African American,
playing games such as basketball, video games, pool,
etc. We continued our visit to Lakeview Shelter and
together with some homeless men, we had supper that
was prepared by Sister Paula and their two teachers.
The students had conversation with them and played
games and jokes. At night, Sister Paula led them a
reflection. It’s a tiring day with a lot of snow
adorned the street about 6-12 inches.
Sunday, January 23, 2005. “The most effective way to
prevent misconduct in ministry is to nurture healthy
relationships with colleagues (i.e., members within
congregations), with others, and with God, as well as
to pay heed to mind-body-spirit connections” (Donna J.
Markham and Fran A. Repka).
In the morning once again I did clean snow in front of
the door of the retreat house, had breakfast and
together we had Mass at Saint Basil Catholic Church at
9. After the Mass, we went down to the basement having
snack and hospitality with the parishioners who mostly
are African American. We proceeded to visit ‘SU CASA’,
a house of Catholic Workers in which there are about
30 people live there momentarily and mostly coming
from Latin American countries. A German young man
named Phil guided us to know this shelter mainly for
women and children. They have also a soup kitchen
serving lunch for the homeless people every Sunday. We
joined them in serving food and eating lunch together.
I met a Maryknoll student who just started his
theology study at CTU this J-Term. He’s Tim originally
from Philadelphia and knows Father Herondi, SX as
well. At 1.30 p.m. we went back to David Darst retreat
house and the students did some work to clean the
retreat house and jotted down the evaluation for this
weekend retreat. In the closing prayer led by Sister
Paula, we anointed the students with oil as a sign of
sending them “to spread the word for the poor, to heal
the sick, to free the captives and to renew the face
of the earth.” It’s a good retreat for me, at least I
feel comfortable with the students who were friendly
to me even though I have a silent character. I feel
they accepted me and it’s good experience to listen
their youth conversation along the way to go some
sites. I tried to remember their names: Nick, Adam,
David, Phil, Angi, Kellyn, Emily, Danielle, Erin,
Kristina and Ashley. Their two teachers: Mr. Doug and
Mrs. Marty. At 4 p.m. they departed to their hometown
in Lansing, Michigan, about 4 hours away to North.
Sister Paula took me home in Hyde Park at 5 p.m.
“Touch is to be used in ministry only to address the
needs of the person the religious is assisting, not to
meet the needs of the religious” (Donna J. Markham and
Fran A. Repka).
“Humility is recognizing our fundamental need for
others and God. Humility is not thinking too much or
too little of oneself but a more realistic acceptance
of who we are with all our strengths and limitations”
(Kevin P. McClone).
“Fulfillment paradoxically comes through healthy
asceticism, sacrifice, and surrender” (Kevin P.
McClone).
“Spirituality is less about getting it right all the
time and more about realizing that pain, struggle, and
mistakes are an essential part of living. The full
appreciation of inner serenity is achieved only after
having to come to terms with one’s own weakness,
limitations, and shortcomings” (Kevin P. McClone).
4) Hari Minggu Biasa ke-3, 23 Januari 2005
Senin, 17 Januari 2004. “Tiga kualitas perkawinan
adalah cinta tanpa syarat, pencapaian
konsensus/kesepakatan dan pengampunan yang aktif”
(Kathy Haskin).
Hari ini adalah hari libur nasional USA, merayakan
hari Martin Luther King Jr. Pagi hari dari jam 10
hingga 12 siang, saya bertemu dosen Hukum Kanonik,
seorang abas tarekat Norbertin dari Milwaukee, Pastor
Gary Naville di CTU untuk memenuhi usulan penasehat
akademis saya, Gil Ostdiek, OFM untuk mendapatkan
kursus privat tentang Sakramen Rekonsiliasi menurut
Hukum Gereja Katolik. Saya bersyukur kepada dosen ini
yang sudah memberikan penjelasan yang cukup panjang
lebar selama dua jam tentang sakramen tobat ini dan
kemungkinan saya harus melihat kembali materi yang
diberikannya padaku. Satu hal yang menarik adalah: dia
berprinsip bahwa sebelum kita belajar memberikan
sakramen tobat pada orang lain, sungguh lebih baik
kalau saya sebagai seminaris memiliki keyakinan
mendalam akan arti pentingnya sakramen ini dan
menghidupinya/menjalankannya dalam perjalanan hidup
rohani sebagai calon imam yang nantinya akan
memberikan sakramen ini pada umat. Ini adalah prinsip
yang saya yakini sejak dulu. Bagaimana kita dengan
setia dan percaya memberikan sakramen tobat pada umat
kalau kita sebagai imam tidak yakin dan menjalankannya
dengan tekun. Ia menambahkan bahwa kebanyakan para
seminaris/frater yang ia ajar di tahun 1990-an di CTU,
mereka tidak pernah lagi pergi ke sakramen pengakuan
dosa setelah sekian tahun lamanya. Betapa suatu
ironi-kah?
Selasa, 18 Januari 2004. “Seluruh hidup kerohanian
dapat diringkas dalam dua kata, ‘Tetap
Berjaga/sadar.’” (Bishop Morneau of Green Bay).
Hari ini dalam misa kami merayakan intensi misa
persatuan Umat Kristiani (Oikumene). Dari tanggal18
hingga 25 Januari ada pekan doa oleh gereja-gereja di
seluruh dunia. Di CTU saya mengikuti kuliah
seksualitas di mana kami menonton sebuah video yaitu
seorang dosen Kitab Suci CTU bernama Diane Bergant
menjelaskan Kitab Kidung Agung dari Perjanjian Lama.
Kendati hanya menonton kaset video, namun saya tidak
dapat tertidur karena memang dosen yang satu ini
nampaknya memiliki semacam tenaga ‘dalam’ untuk
menyampaikan pengetahuannya disamping bakatnya
mengajar.
Rabu, 19 Januari 2004. “Perkawinan adalah suatu tanda
unik dari inkarnasi, suatu misteri di mana realitas
transenden Allah menjadi daging dalam diri dan
kehidupan Kristus, seperti pria dan wanita
menginkarnasi realitas yang tertransformasi oleh
rahmat ilahi dalam cinta kasih yang utuh diantara
mereka” (Karl Rahner).
Setelah tiba di rumah, saya menonton beberapa kaset
video tentang seksualitas yang ada di ruang TV
basement untuk menambah pemahaman pribadi tentang
kelas seksualitas yang saya ambil di bulan Januari
ini.
Kamis, 20 Januari 2004. “Cinta bukanlah semata
perasaan belaka. Ada kalanya, dalam kasih penuh
komitmen yang mendalam, perasaan-perasaan yang nyata
ini tidak hadir” (Philip Sheldrake).
Hampir sepanjang hari ini hujan salju. Saya ke CTU
mengikuti diskusi kelompok dalam kuliah seksualitas di
lantai 8 gedung CTU. Di sore hari, dari jam 3 hingga 5
kami mengadakan rapat komunitas melanjutkan evaluasi
program hidup bersama kami tentang dimensi kerohanian.
Malam hari saya menulis jurnal mingguan ini di mana
saya mengambil kutipan-kutipan dari bacaan kuliah
seksualitas yang saya baca selama seminggu ini. Saat
membaca tugas bacaan-bacaan ini, saya terkesan dengan
beberapa kalimat, maka saya menuliskannya di jurnal
ini.
Jumat, 21 Januari 2004. ”Pencarian cinta juga
mewahyukan keperluan akan keseimbangan antara
kesunyian dan intimasi. Panggilan untuk intimasi juga
suatu panggilan untuk belajar, bahwa meskipun dua
insan saling mencintai satu sama lain, mereka tak akan
pernah saling memiliki, juga mereka akhirnya tidak
akan mengenal satu sama lain” (Philip Sheldrake).
Pagi hari saya ikut kuliah seksualits di CTU dan
sorenya Dharmawan mengantarku ke tempat kerasulanku di
rumah retret, David Darst Center. Kali ini yang
mengikuti retret adalah murid-murid SMA Katolik
Lansing, Michigan. Mereka adalah 11 murid (7 puteri
dan 4 putera) bersama kedua guru teologi/agama mereka.
Kali ini Gayle, seorang volunter di rumah retret ini
tidak di tempat karena dia mendadak harus pergi ke
Missouri rumahnya, ayahnya sedang sakit berat. Maka
retret ini hanya dipimpin oleh Suster Paula dan saya
sendiri. Dalam sesi pertama saya memberikan permainan
yang memiliki arti salib, yaitu permainan tali.
Nampaknya mereka menikmati permainan ini. Dharmawan
membantuku untuk menyiapkan dan memimpin lagu-lagu
Taize untuk doa malam. Saya tetap tinggal di rumah
retret ini hingga Minggu sore dan Dharmawan segera
kembali ke rumah di Hyde Park setelah selesai doa
malam sementara hujan salju terus turun dengan
lebatnya malam itu.
Sabtu, 22 Januari 2004. “Kesepian, kerapuhan, dan
kehilangan dapat menyebabkan kerinduan seksual dan
menciptakan reaksi yang berlawanan, jika ditinggalkan
tanpa pengolahan lebih lanjut, dapat menambah
kebingungan dalam relasi dengan sesama di tempat
kerasulan. Perassan seksual perlu dimiliki dan
diproses dalam terapi, bimbingan rohani, dukungan
kelompok, dan/atau kelompok-kelompok pelayanan” (Donna
J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
Bangun pagi, saya lalu membersihkan banyak salju di
depan rumah retret. Ada seorang volunter yang membantu
masak pagi dan siang yaitu Peg O’Brien. Di pagi hari
kami dipandu oleh seorang bruder dari tarekat
Christian Brother yang adalah African American bernama
Brother Raymond dalam tour melihat sisi sebelah
Selatan Kota Chicago, sekitar Hyde Park dst. Setelah
makan siang di rumah retret, kami mengunjungi sebuah
pusat anak-anak muda di mana kami semua berbaur
bersama anak-anak ini yang kebanyakan adalah African
American bermain beberapa game seperti basket, vide
game, bilyard, dsb. kami melanjutkan kunjungan kami ke
sebuah tempat persinggahan kaum tuna wisma bernama
Lakeview Shelter di sebelah Utara Chicago. Kami
bercakap dan makan malam bersama para tuna wisma
(semua laki-laki) yang kebanyakan adalah African
American juga. Makan malam ini disiapkan oleh Suster
Paula dan kedua guru mereka. Para murid peserta retret
ini bercakap dan bermain games bersama penghuni rumah
singgah ini. Malam hari setelah kembali ke rumah
retret, Suster Paula memandu refleksi untuk hari ini.
Hari ini adalah hari yang cukup melelahkan dengan
banyaknya salju menghiasi jalanan setinggi 6-12 inci.
Minggu, 23 Januari 2004. “Cara paling efektif untuk
mencegah kelakuan yang tidak pantas dalam pelayanan
kerasulan adalah dengan memelihara relasi yang sehat
dengan para kerabat (seperti anggota dalam tarekat
religius), dengan sesama lainnya, dan dengan Allah,
sebagaimana juga memberikan perhatian pada hubungan
antara pikiran-tubuh-roh” (Donna J. Markham and Fran
A. Repka).
Pagi hari sekali lagi saya membersihkan salju di depan
pintu rumah retret, sarapan pagi dan bersama-sama kami
pergi ke misa di Gereja Santo Basil pukul 9. Sesudah
misa kami pergi ke basement paroki ini makan snack dan
berbincang dengan umat yang kebanyakan adalah African
American. Kami melanjutkan kunjungan kami ke SU CASA
yaitu sebuah rumah untuk Catholic Workers di mana
terdapat sekitar 30 orang tinggal di sementara waktu
dan kebanyakan adalah dari negara Latin Amerika.
Seorang pemuda dari Jerman bernama Phil memandu kami
mengenal rumah penampungan para imigran ini terutama
para wanita dan anak-anak. Mereka juga memiliki sebuah
dapur umum untuk para tuna wisma yang menyediakan
makan siang setiap hari Minggu. Kami bergabung bersama
mereka mempersiapkan makanan dan makan siang bersama
para tuna wisma yang datang berjumlah sekitar hampir
100 orang. Di dapur umum ini juga saya bertemu seorang
frater dari tarekat Maryknool yang baru saja memulai
studi teologinya di CTU Chicago di Januari Term ini.
Ia adalah Tim yang berasal dari Philadelphia dan
mengenal Pastor Herondi, SX dari Brasil juga. Pukul
1.30 sore kami semua pulang kembali ke rumah retret
dan para peserta retret ini mengerjakan beberapa hal
seperti membantu membersihkan rumah retret ini dan
menuliskan evaluasi mereka atas pengalaman retret ini.
Dalam doa penutupan, dipandu oleh Suster Paula, kami
mengurapi minyak di dahi para peserta retret ini
sebagai tanda perutusan mereka “menyebarkan sabda bagi
para papa, menyembuhkan yang sakit, membebaskan para
tawanan dan memperbaharui muka bumi ini.” Retret kali
ini sungguh suatu peristiwa yang sangat baik bagi saya
pribadi setidaknya saya merasakan kenyamanan bersama
para muda-mudi anak SMA tahun terakhir ini yang cukup
menghormati dan bersahabat terhadap saya meskipun saya
memiliki sikap tenang dan diam seperti ini. Saya pun
merasakan bahwa mereka menerima saya apa adanya dan
ini suatu pengalaman yang bagus mendengarkan anak muda
Amrik ini bercanda, bercakap dengan bahasa gaul mereka
di sepanjang perjalanan menuju ke tempat-tempat yang
kami tuju. Saya mencoba mengingat nama-nama mereka
selama retret sepekan ini yaitu: Nick, Adam, David,
Phil, Angi, Kellyn, Emily, Danielle, Erin, Kristina
dan Ashley. Serta kedua guru mereka: Mr. Doug dan Mrs.
Marty. Pukul 4 mereka pergi meninggalkan rumah retret
ini kembali ke kota mereka di Lansing, Michigan State,
sekitar 4 jam perjalanan jauhnya di sebelah Utara
Chicago. Suster Paula mengantar saya pulang ke rumah
di Hyde Park pukul 5 sore.
“Sentuhan digunakan dalam pelayanan kerasulan hanya
untuk keperluan seseorang yang dilayani oleh seorang
religius, bukan untuk memenuhi kebutuhan seorang
religius itu sendiri” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A.
Repka).
“Kerendahan hati mengenal kebutuhan dasar kita akan
sesama dan Allah. Kerendahan hati tidaklah berpikir
terlalu banyak atau terlalu sedikit akan diri sendiri
namun suatu penerimaan yang lebih nyata tentang siapa
diri kita dengan segenap kelebihan dan keterbatasan
kita” (Kevin P. McClone).
“Pemenuhan secara paradox (berlawanan) datang melalui
askese/latihan, pengorbanan dan penyerahan diri yang
sehat” (Kevin P. McClone).
“Spiritualitas bukanlah tentang mendapatkan sesuatu
dengan benar setiap waktu namun terlebih tentang
kesadaran bahwa kepedihan, perjuangan dan kesalahan
adalah bagian mendasar dari kehidupan. Penghargaan
penuh akan ketenangan batin dicapai hanya setelah
seseorang mengalami masa-masa kelemahan, keterbatasan
dan kekurangan” (Kevin P. McClone).
Monday, January 17, 2004. “Three qualities of marriage
are unconditional love, coming to consensus and active
forgiving” (Kathy Haskin).
Today is the USA national day off, celebration of
Martin Luther King Jr. In the morning from 10 to 12 I
met a Canon Law professor, a Norbertin Abbot from
Milwaukee, Father Gary Naville at CTU in order to do
suggestion of my academic advisor, Gil Ostdiek, OFM to
have private tutoring about Sacrament of Penance. I
thank to him that he gave me enough explanation of the
sacrament of penance and probably I will review again
his handout given to me. One thing that is interesting
to me: he has a principle that before we learn how to
give sacrament of penance to the faithful, it is much
better if I am as a seminarian having a custom to
receive the sacrament and believe on the meaning of it
and to live it out in my spiritual journey actively
and consciously in which someday as a priest I will
minister of it to others. This is exactly, the
principle that I have until now. How we become
faithfully and believe to give this sacrament to the
faithful if we as priests are not confident and
faithful to practice it. He added that most of the
seminarians he taught in 1990’s at CTU, they did not
go to the sacrament of penance frequently after many
years. What an irony?
Tuesday, January 18, 2004. “All of the spirituality
life can be summed up in two words, ‘Stay Awake.’”
(Bishop Morneau of Green Bay).
Today in the Mass we celebrated the intention of
Christian Unity (Oikumene). From 18 to 25 January
there is a week of prayer by the Churches in the
world. At CTU I attended a class of sexuality in which
we watched a videocassette of Diane Bergant explaining
the Book Song of Songs. Even though it was just a
videocassette, I could not fall asleep because she has
a sort of inner power to transfer her knowledge beside
her talent of teaching.
Wednesday, January 19, 2004. “Marriage is a unique
sign of the incarnation, of the mystery that the
transcendent reality of God became flesh in the person
and life of Christ, just as men and women incarnate
their transforming reality of divine grace in their
total love for one another” (Karl Rahner).
After arriving home at noon, I watched some
videocassettes about sexuality that we have in the TV
room at the basement in order to give me more
understanding of the class that I have this month.
Thursday, January 20, 2004. “Love is not simply a
matter of immediate feelings. There may be times, even
in deep love commitments, when tangible feelings are
absent” (Philip Sheldrake).
Almost the whole day it’s snowing. I had a discussion
group in the sexuality class at the 8th floor of CTU
building. In the afternoon, at 3 to 5 p.m. we had a
community meeting continuing to evaluate our community
project of life in the spiritual dimension. At night I
did write this weekly journal that I draw the
quotations from my reading on the sexuality class that
I read during this week. As I read the reading
assignments, I was impressed by some sentences,
therefore I wrote down on this journal.
Friday, January 21, 2004. ”The search for love also
reveals the need for a balance between solitude and
intimacy. The call to intimacy is also a call to learn
that, however much two people love each other, they
never own each other nor finally know each other”
(Philip Sheldrake).
In morning I attended a sexuality class at CTU and in
the afternoon Dharmawan took me to my ministry site,
David Darst Center. There was a youth group from
Lansing Catholic High School in Michigan having this
weekend retreat. They are 11 senior students (7 girls
and 4 boys) and two teachers. This time Gayle, was not
there since she went to visit her father who is sick
in Missouri. So, this retreat was run only by Sister
Paula and myself. In the first session I gave a game
that has a meaning of cross, a rope game. It seemed
they enjoy it. Dharmawan helped me prepare and lead
the Taize prayer for night prayer. I stayed at this
retreat house and Dharmawan left soon after the night
prayer finished while snow was falling heavily.
Saturday, January 22, 2005. “Loneliness,
vulnerability, and loss can stir sexual longing and
create countertransferential reactions that, if left
unprocessed, can add confusion to ministerial
relationship. Sexual feelings need to be owned and
processed in therapy, spiritual direction,
supervision, support groups, and/or ministry groups”
(Donna J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
Woke up in the morning, I shoveled bunch of snow at
the front side of the retreat house. There was a
volunteer lady named Peg O’Brien cooking for our
breakfast and lunch. In the morning till noon, we were
guided by an African American Christian Brother, named
Raymond to a tour seeing South side area of Chicago by
their white van car. After having lunch, we went to
Blessed Sacrament Youth Center in which we
intermingled with the youth mostly African American,
playing games such as basketball, video games, pool,
etc. We continued our visit to Lakeview Shelter and
together with some homeless men, we had supper that
was prepared by Sister Paula and their two teachers.
The students had conversation with them and played
games and jokes. At night, Sister Paula led them a
reflection. It’s a tiring day with a lot of snow
adorned the street about 6-12 inches.
Sunday, January 23, 2005. “The most effective way to
prevent misconduct in ministry is to nurture healthy
relationships with colleagues (i.e., members within
congregations), with others, and with God, as well as
to pay heed to mind-body-spirit connections” (Donna J.
Markham and Fran A. Repka).
In the morning once again I did clean snow in front of
the door of the retreat house, had breakfast and
together we had Mass at Saint Basil Catholic Church at
9. After the Mass, we went down to the basement having
snack and hospitality with the parishioners who mostly
are African American. We proceeded to visit ‘SU CASA’,
a house of Catholic Workers in which there are about
30 people live there momentarily and mostly coming
from Latin American countries. A German young man
named Phil guided us to know this shelter mainly for
women and children. They have also a soup kitchen
serving lunch for the homeless people every Sunday. We
joined them in serving food and eating lunch together.
I met a Maryknoll student who just started his
theology study at CTU this J-Term. He’s Tim originally
from Philadelphia and knows Father Herondi, SX as
well. At 1.30 p.m. we went back to David Darst retreat
house and the students did some work to clean the
retreat house and jotted down the evaluation for this
weekend retreat. In the closing prayer led by Sister
Paula, we anointed the students with oil as a sign of
sending them “to spread the word for the poor, to heal
the sick, to free the captives and to renew the face
of the earth.” It’s a good retreat for me, at least I
feel comfortable with the students who were friendly
to me even though I have a silent character. I feel
they accepted me and it’s good experience to listen
their youth conversation along the way to go some
sites. I tried to remember their names: Nick, Adam,
David, Phil, Angi, Kellyn, Emily, Danielle, Erin,
Kristina and Ashley. Their two teachers: Mr. Doug and
Mrs. Marty. At 4 p.m. they departed to their hometown
in Lansing, Michigan, about 4 hours away to North.
Sister Paula took me home in Hyde Park at 5 p.m.
“Touch is to be used in ministry only to address the
needs of the person the religious is assisting, not to
meet the needs of the religious” (Donna J. Markham and
Fran A. Repka).
“Humility is recognizing our fundamental need for
others and God. Humility is not thinking too much or
too little of oneself but a more realistic acceptance
of who we are with all our strengths and limitations”
(Kevin P. McClone).
“Fulfillment paradoxically comes through healthy
asceticism, sacrifice, and surrender” (Kevin P.
McClone).
“Spirituality is less about getting it right all the
time and more about realizing that pain, struggle, and
mistakes are an essential part of living. The full
appreciation of inner serenity is achieved only after
having to come to terms with one’s own weakness,
limitations, and shortcomings” (Kevin P. McClone).
4) Hari Minggu Biasa ke-3, 23 Januari 2005
Senin, 17 Januari 2004. “Tiga kualitas perkawinan
adalah cinta tanpa syarat, pencapaian
konsensus/kesepakatan dan pengampunan yang aktif”
(Kathy Haskin).
Hari ini adalah hari libur nasional USA, merayakan
hari Martin Luther King Jr. Pagi hari dari jam 10
hingga 12 siang, saya bertemu dosen Hukum Kanonik,
seorang abas tarekat Norbertin dari Milwaukee, Pastor
Gary Naville di CTU untuk memenuhi usulan penasehat
akademis saya, Gil Ostdiek, OFM untuk mendapatkan
kursus privat tentang Sakramen Rekonsiliasi menurut
Hukum Gereja Katolik. Saya bersyukur kepada dosen ini
yang sudah memberikan penjelasan yang cukup panjang
lebar selama dua jam tentang sakramen tobat ini dan
kemungkinan saya harus melihat kembali materi yang
diberikannya padaku. Satu hal yang menarik adalah: dia
berprinsip bahwa sebelum kita belajar memberikan
sakramen tobat pada orang lain, sungguh lebih baik
kalau saya sebagai seminaris memiliki keyakinan
mendalam akan arti pentingnya sakramen ini dan
menghidupinya/menjalankannya dalam perjalanan hidup
rohani sebagai calon imam yang nantinya akan
memberikan sakramen ini pada umat. Ini adalah prinsip
yang saya yakini sejak dulu. Bagaimana kita dengan
setia dan percaya memberikan sakramen tobat pada umat
kalau kita sebagai imam tidak yakin dan menjalankannya
dengan tekun. Ia menambahkan bahwa kebanyakan para
seminaris/frater yang ia ajar di tahun 1990-an di CTU,
mereka tidak pernah lagi pergi ke sakramen pengakuan
dosa setelah sekian tahun lamanya. Betapa suatu
ironi-kah?
Selasa, 18 Januari 2004. “Seluruh hidup kerohanian
dapat diringkas dalam dua kata, ‘Tetap
Berjaga/sadar.’” (Bishop Morneau of Green Bay).
Hari ini dalam misa kami merayakan intensi misa
persatuan Umat Kristiani (Oikumene). Dari tanggal18
hingga 25 Januari ada pekan doa oleh gereja-gereja di
seluruh dunia. Di CTU saya mengikuti kuliah
seksualitas di mana kami menonton sebuah video yaitu
seorang dosen Kitab Suci CTU bernama Diane Bergant
menjelaskan Kitab Kidung Agung dari Perjanjian Lama.
Kendati hanya menonton kaset video, namun saya tidak
dapat tertidur karena memang dosen yang satu ini
nampaknya memiliki semacam tenaga ‘dalam’ untuk
menyampaikan pengetahuannya disamping bakatnya
mengajar.
Rabu, 19 Januari 2004. “Perkawinan adalah suatu tanda
unik dari inkarnasi, suatu misteri di mana realitas
transenden Allah menjadi daging dalam diri dan
kehidupan Kristus, seperti pria dan wanita
menginkarnasi realitas yang tertransformasi oleh
rahmat ilahi dalam cinta kasih yang utuh diantara
mereka” (Karl Rahner).
Setelah tiba di rumah, saya menonton beberapa kaset
video tentang seksualitas yang ada di ruang TV
basement untuk menambah pemahaman pribadi tentang
kelas seksualitas yang saya ambil di bulan Januari
ini.
Kamis, 20 Januari 2004. “Cinta bukanlah semata
perasaan belaka. Ada kalanya, dalam kasih penuh
komitmen yang mendalam, perasaan-perasaan yang nyata
ini tidak hadir” (Philip Sheldrake).
Hampir sepanjang hari ini hujan salju. Saya ke CTU
mengikuti diskusi kelompok dalam kuliah seksualitas di
lantai 8 gedung CTU. Di sore hari, dari jam 3 hingga 5
kami mengadakan rapat komunitas melanjutkan evaluasi
program hidup bersama kami tentang dimensi kerohanian.
Malam hari saya menulis jurnal mingguan ini di mana
saya mengambil kutipan-kutipan dari bacaan kuliah
seksualitas yang saya baca selama seminggu ini. Saat
membaca tugas bacaan-bacaan ini, saya terkesan dengan
beberapa kalimat, maka saya menuliskannya di jurnal
ini.
Jumat, 21 Januari 2004. ”Pencarian cinta juga
mewahyukan keperluan akan keseimbangan antara
kesunyian dan intimasi. Panggilan untuk intimasi juga
suatu panggilan untuk belajar, bahwa meskipun dua
insan saling mencintai satu sama lain, mereka tak akan
pernah saling memiliki, juga mereka akhirnya tidak
akan mengenal satu sama lain” (Philip Sheldrake).
Pagi hari saya ikut kuliah seksualits di CTU dan
sorenya Dharmawan mengantarku ke tempat kerasulanku di
rumah retret, David Darst Center. Kali ini yang
mengikuti retret adalah murid-murid SMA Katolik
Lansing, Michigan. Mereka adalah 11 murid (7 puteri
dan 4 putera) bersama kedua guru teologi/agama mereka.
Kali ini Gayle, seorang volunter di rumah retret ini
tidak di tempat karena dia mendadak harus pergi ke
Missouri rumahnya, ayahnya sedang sakit berat. Maka
retret ini hanya dipimpin oleh Suster Paula dan saya
sendiri. Dalam sesi pertama saya memberikan permainan
yang memiliki arti salib, yaitu permainan tali.
Nampaknya mereka menikmati permainan ini. Dharmawan
membantuku untuk menyiapkan dan memimpin lagu-lagu
Taize untuk doa malam. Saya tetap tinggal di rumah
retret ini hingga Minggu sore dan Dharmawan segera
kembali ke rumah di Hyde Park setelah selesai doa
malam sementara hujan salju terus turun dengan
lebatnya malam itu.
Sabtu, 22 Januari 2004. “Kesepian, kerapuhan, dan
kehilangan dapat menyebabkan kerinduan seksual dan
menciptakan reaksi yang berlawanan, jika ditinggalkan
tanpa pengolahan lebih lanjut, dapat menambah
kebingungan dalam relasi dengan sesama di tempat
kerasulan. Perassan seksual perlu dimiliki dan
diproses dalam terapi, bimbingan rohani, dukungan
kelompok, dan/atau kelompok-kelompok pelayanan” (Donna
J. Markham and Fran A. Repka).
Bangun pagi, saya lalu membersihkan banyak salju di
depan rumah retret. Ada seorang volunter yang membantu
masak pagi dan siang yaitu Peg O’Brien. Di pagi hari
kami dipandu oleh seorang bruder dari tarekat
Christian Brother yang adalah African American bernama
Brother Raymond dalam tour melihat sisi sebelah
Selatan Kota Chicago, sekitar Hyde Park dst. Setelah
makan siang di rumah retret, kami mengunjungi sebuah
pusat anak-anak muda di mana kami semua berbaur
bersama anak-anak ini yang kebanyakan adalah African
American bermain beberapa game seperti basket, vide
game, bilyard, dsb. kami melanjutkan kunjungan kami ke
sebuah tempat persinggahan kaum tuna wisma bernama
Lakeview Shelter di sebelah Utara Chicago. Kami
bercakap dan makan malam bersama para tuna wisma
(semua laki-laki) yang kebanyakan adalah African
American juga. Makan malam ini disiapkan oleh Suster
Paula dan kedua guru mereka. Para murid peserta retret
ini bercakap dan bermain games bersama penghuni rumah
singgah ini. Malam hari setelah kembali ke rumah
retret, Suster Paula memandu refleksi untuk hari ini.
Hari ini adalah hari yang cukup melelahkan dengan
banyaknya salju menghiasi jalanan setinggi 6-12 inci.
Minggu, 23 Januari 2004. “Cara paling efektif untuk
mencegah kelakuan yang tidak pantas dalam pelayanan
kerasulan adalah dengan memelihara relasi yang sehat
dengan para kerabat (seperti anggota dalam tarekat
religius), dengan sesama lainnya, dan dengan Allah,
sebagaimana juga memberikan perhatian pada hubungan
antara pikiran-tubuh-roh” (Donna J. Markham and Fran
A. Repka).
Pagi hari sekali lagi saya membersihkan salju di depan
pintu rumah retret, sarapan pagi dan bersama-sama kami
pergi ke misa di Gereja Santo Basil pukul 9. Sesudah
misa kami pergi ke basement paroki ini makan snack dan
berbincang dengan umat yang kebanyakan adalah African
American. Kami melanjutkan kunjungan kami ke SU CASA
yaitu sebuah rumah untuk Catholic Workers di mana
terdapat sekitar 30 orang tinggal di sementara waktu
dan kebanyakan adalah dari negara Latin Amerika.
Seorang pemuda dari Jerman bernama Phil memandu kami
mengenal rumah penampungan para imigran ini terutama
para wanita dan anak-anak. Mereka juga memiliki sebuah
dapur umum untuk para tuna wisma yang menyediakan
makan siang setiap hari Minggu. Kami bergabung bersama
mereka mempersiapkan makanan dan makan siang bersama
para tuna wisma yang datang berjumlah sekitar hampir
100 orang. Di dapur umum ini juga saya bertemu seorang
frater dari tarekat Maryknool yang baru saja memulai
studi teologinya di CTU Chicago di Januari Term ini.
Ia adalah Tim yang berasal dari Philadelphia dan
mengenal Pastor Herondi, SX dari Brasil juga. Pukul
1.30 sore kami semua pulang kembali ke rumah retret
dan para peserta retret ini mengerjakan beberapa hal
seperti membantu membersihkan rumah retret ini dan
menuliskan evaluasi mereka atas pengalaman retret ini.
Dalam doa penutupan, dipandu oleh Suster Paula, kami
mengurapi minyak di dahi para peserta retret ini
sebagai tanda perutusan mereka “menyebarkan sabda bagi
para papa, menyembuhkan yang sakit, membebaskan para
tawanan dan memperbaharui muka bumi ini.” Retret kali
ini sungguh suatu peristiwa yang sangat baik bagi saya
pribadi setidaknya saya merasakan kenyamanan bersama
para muda-mudi anak SMA tahun terakhir ini yang cukup
menghormati dan bersahabat terhadap saya meskipun saya
memiliki sikap tenang dan diam seperti ini. Saya pun
merasakan bahwa mereka menerima saya apa adanya dan
ini suatu pengalaman yang bagus mendengarkan anak muda
Amrik ini bercanda, bercakap dengan bahasa gaul mereka
di sepanjang perjalanan menuju ke tempat-tempat yang
kami tuju. Saya mencoba mengingat nama-nama mereka
selama retret sepekan ini yaitu: Nick, Adam, David,
Phil, Angi, Kellyn, Emily, Danielle, Erin, Kristina
dan Ashley. Serta kedua guru mereka: Mr. Doug dan Mrs.
Marty. Pukul 4 mereka pergi meninggalkan rumah retret
ini kembali ke kota mereka di Lansing, Michigan State,
sekitar 4 jam perjalanan jauhnya di sebelah Utara
Chicago. Suster Paula mengantar saya pulang ke rumah
di Hyde Park pukul 5 sore.
“Sentuhan digunakan dalam pelayanan kerasulan hanya
untuk keperluan seseorang yang dilayani oleh seorang
religius, bukan untuk memenuhi kebutuhan seorang
religius itu sendiri” (Donna J. Markham and Fran A.
Repka).
“Kerendahan hati mengenal kebutuhan dasar kita akan
sesama dan Allah. Kerendahan hati tidaklah berpikir
terlalu banyak atau terlalu sedikit akan diri sendiri
namun suatu penerimaan yang lebih nyata tentang siapa
diri kita dengan segenap kelebihan dan keterbatasan
kita” (Kevin P. McClone).
“Pemenuhan secara paradox (berlawanan) datang melalui
askese/latihan, pengorbanan dan penyerahan diri yang
sehat” (Kevin P. McClone).
“Spiritualitas bukanlah tentang mendapatkan sesuatu
dengan benar setiap waktu namun terlebih tentang
kesadaran bahwa kepedihan, perjuangan dan kesalahan
adalah bagian mendasar dari kehidupan. Penghargaan
penuh akan ketenangan batin dicapai hanya setelah
seseorang mengalami masa-masa kelemahan, keterbatasan
dan kekurangan” (Kevin P. McClone).
Sunday, March 06, 2005
surat k-1 bulan Maret 2005
1) 4th Sunday of Lent, March 06, 2005
“Our good readers absolve us from any charges of anticlericalism as they read these rather severe articles on the Church and work. They know that the wish of our heart is to bring closer together the priest and the people. There is a great division between two, and one of the very reasons for the Catholic Worker’s existence is to bridge this gap.”
Monday, February 28, 2005. “Poverty is a strange and elusive thing. I have tried to write about it, its joys and its sorrows, for twenty years now; I could probably write about it for another twenty years without conveying what I feel about it as well as I would like. I condemn poverty and I advocate it; poverty is simple and complex at once; it is a social phenomenon and a personal matter. It is a paradox.”
In the morning there was a funeral for the former president and founder of CTU, Father Paul Bechtold, CP. In the spirituality of a new millennium class, I learned about Dorothy Day and I quote her interesting statements I selected of a book about her in this weekly journal. Today I received a letter of the Alexian Brothers Health System, about the acceptance of my CPE program for summer unit 2005 (6 June – 19 August). In the afternoon as I opened my e-mail, I received a reply from a Xaverian father who works in Japan, named Renato Filippini. He’s so glad to know my interest of the Xaverian mission in Japan and willing to share his experience and being a correspondence to me. Actually, I already have this idea since last year and this year I realize it because the time that I have is running very fast toward the mission with God’s will.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005. “The mystery of the poor is this: That they are Jesus, and what you do for them you do for Him. It is the only way we have of knowing and believing in our love. The mystery of poverty is that by sharing in it, making ourselves poor in giving to others, we increase our knowledge of and belief in love.”
In the morning at the Xaverian house, my theological reflection group had a meeting and this time Manuel Benavides, a Claretian seminarian from Peru shared his reflection. In the evening after supper, for one hour I met my formator/rector for personal formation program.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005. “Sometimes, I think the purpose of the Catholic Worker, quite aside from all our social aims, is to show the providence of God, how God loves us. We are a family, not an institution, in atmosphere, and so we address ourselves especially to families, who have all the woes of insecurity, sin, sickness, and death, side by side with all the joys of family. We talk about what we are doing, because we constantly wonder at the miracle of our continuance.”
Today I sent a letter of confirmation plus $ 100 check for my CPE summer program to Alexian Brothers Health System. The tuition of this program is $ 400. This morning I borrowed from CTU library cassette-tapes about meditation that I am interested to practice it. Before attending a class, I spent my time to read some magazines at the library and I came to realize that CTU library has many things that I am interested to read especially in the spirituality and human development fields. In the afternoon, I met three of my formators, Fathers Rocco, Pascal and Victor for a sharing and clarification of some issues in my vocation journey in the Xaverians. It reminds me when I did interview to apply my CPE program in the beginning of February 2005 in which I was interviewed by three chaplains of the Alexian Brothers hospital. The principle I have is just sharing openly and honestly what I have in my heart, mind and long-life experience. I am very glad to see the improvement in term of communication between students and formators in my formation process. I think it’s the real implementation of our community project of life that emphasizes telling the story of life with trust and attentive listening to each other. I gratefully appreciate their effort to make it happens.
Thursday, March 03, 2005. “The most significant thing about the Catholic Worker is poverty, some say. The most significant thing is community, others say. We are not alone anymore. But the final word is love….We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.”
This afternoon I cooked Pizza and Tom Yum soup. After supper we had a community meeting about evaluation of our community project of life in the vow of poverty. At night I called up a diocesan priest of Jakarta, Father Tunjug Kesuma, who works in Pejompongan parish in Jakarta. I met him in Rome when I visited the Xaverian general house in November 2002. He almost forgot me; I know his address from my friend who is his parishioner and also my friend when I worked at TOTO in Jakarta.
Friday, March 04, 2005. “Buddhists teach that a man’s life is divided into three parts: the first part for education and growing up; the second for continued learning, through marriage and raising a family, involvement with the life of the senses, the mind, and the spirit; and the third period, the time of withdrawal from responsibility, letting go of the things of this life, letting God take over.”
In the morning at 9 to afternoon at 4 I had a workshop of Pearl and Treasures (IV) at CTU with a topic: Financial and Facilities Management at a parish. At 5 p.m. at our chapel we had a requiem Mass for Leopold Mboko, the brother of Father Willy Mukucha, SX. He died in Canada 40 days ago because of his sickness in 48 year-old of age. The students of IRF (Institute of Religious Formation) of CTU who are the classmates of Father Willy also attended this Mass. We had hospitality with supper cooked by Father Rocco, with a special menu, shrimp Jambalaya, New Orleans style. At 7.30 p.m. Ignas took me to my ministry site at David Darst Center after we took Father Victor to Indonesian prayer group and Pascal Atumisi to Navy Pier and picked up three students from Milwaukee (Harno, Francois and Valeri at a train station. In my ministry, there was a retreat started on Wednesday, from Xavier High School in Iowa. There were only 3 students (Megan, Denis and Fernando) and one teacher (Denis). I stayed overnight at this retreat house.
Saturday, March 05, 2005. “The one thing that makes our work easier most certainly is the love we bear for each other and for the people for whom we work. The work becomes difficult only when there is quarreling and dissension and when one’s own heart is filled with a spirit of criticism.”
In the morning I prayed personally then had breakfast together with the retreatans and Gayle, Sister Paula who cooked pancake. Before noon we visited a nursing home and played Bingo with elderly people there and most of them Afro-Americans. We were coming back to the retreat house then having lunch (hamburger) then watching a video about Dorothy Day. Since they will finish their retreat this night, I went home earlier in the afternoon and next week I will go there again since there will be three groups for the retreat. I went home by CTA train: Orange, Green lines and a bus no. 15.
Sunday, March 06, 2005. “Love and ever more love is the only solution to every problem that comes up. If we love each other enough, we will bear with each other’s faults and burdens. If we love enough, we are going to light that fire in the hearts of others. And it is love that will burn out the sins and hatreds that sadden us. It is love that will make us want to do great things for each other. No sacrifice and no suffering will then seem too much.”
Today is a special day for Petrus Hardiyanto who professed his perpetual vows in the Xaverian Missionaries. We celebrated the Mass for him at Saint Therese Church in Chinatown Chicago with Indonesian and Saint Therese choirs. In the hand of Very Rev. Alfredo Turco, sx, the vice-provincial of the Xaverians in the USA, Petrus uttered his final commitment to live out the four Xaverian vows, namely, mission, poverty, chastity and obedience. The homily was given by our rector, Father Rocco and the main presider of this Mass, Father Alfredo. It’s been a wonderful celebration coincidentally or maybe more providentially accompanied by a beautiful day outside with the sun shone brightly and warm temperature as if witnessing Petrus’ journey toward missionary religious priesthood. It’s a special day also for him since his long hair was cut becoming shorter as his vote last year. He looks like younger than ever, maybe younger 10 years than his age. Both Saint Therese parishioners and Indonesian friends in Chicago even from Indiana came to support Petrus and he’s very happy and gratefully to all of us who keep him in our prayer and encourage him with our presence in this once for all occasion. Special thanks also to Indonesian friends who prepared the songs and Indonesian food for the hospitality. It’s evident that the love of people to each other in supporting one’s life journey implemented in this event. The gratitude as the Xaverian theology community in Chicago to have Petrus as our brother continued with our celebration at our house Hyde Park inviting some of our friends with Lebanese food as our supper, this is the first Lebanese food that we ever have in the year of 2005. We’re looking forward for his next steps, that is ordination of deaconate, which will be held on April 24 this year at the same time and place and his priesthood ordination, which will be determined later in Indonesia. Go ahead, Petrus to your missionary life as a minister of God’s people and we will follow you on our due time. “The me I see, the me I’ll be; If I can’t see it, I will not be it; Until I believe it, I will never achieve it.” Vita-vita-vita….vita…..vita….
1) Hari Minggu Masa Pra-Paskah ke-4, 06 Maret 2005
“Para pembaca budiman kita membebaskan kita dari tuntutan anti-klerikalisme sebagaimana mereka membaca artikel tentang Gereja dan Kerja yang cukup berat ini. Mereka tahu bahwa keinginan hati kami adalah mempererat hubungan antara umat dan gembala/pastor. Ada perpecahan yang mendalam antara keduanya, dan salah satu alasan bagi keberadaan Catholic Worker adalah untuk menjembatani gap ini.”
Senin, 28 Februari 2005. “Kemiskinan adalah suatu yang aneh dan sukar dipahami. Saya telah mencoba untuk menulis tentang kemisinan ini, kegembiraan dan penderitaannya, selama dua puluh tahun hingga sekarang; saya kemungkinan besar dapat menulis tentang hal ini untuk dua puluh tahun lagi tanpa menyampaikan apa yang saya rasakan tentangnya seperti apa yang saya mau sampaikan. Saya mengutuk kemiskinan dan menganjurkan/menyokongnya; kemiskinan adalah sederhana dan kompleks sekaligus; kemiskinan adalah suatu fenomena sosial dan juga suatu masalah pribadi. Ini merupakan suatu paradox.”
Pagi ini ada pemakaman jenasah mantan presiden dan pendiri CTU, yaitu Pastor Paul Bechtold, CP. Dalam kelas spiritualitas dalam millennium baru, saya belajar tentang Dorothy Day dan saya mengutip pernyataan-pernyataan yang menarik darinya yang saya seleksi dari sebuah buku tentangnya dalam jurnal mingguan saya ini. Hari ini saya menerima sebuah surat dari Alexian Brothers Health System, tentang penerimaan atas CPE program buat saya di musim panas 2005 ini (6 Juni – 19 Agustus). Di sore hari saya ketika membuka e-mail saya, saya menerima balasan surat dari seorang pastor Xaverian yang berkarya di Jepang, yang bernama Renato Filippini. Ia senang sekali mengetahui ketertarikan saya akan misi Xaverian di Jepang dan bersedia membagikan pengalamannya dan menjadi koresponden buat saya. Sebenarnya, saya sudah memiliki keinginan dan ide ini sejak tahun lalu namun baru tahun ini saya wujudnyatakan karena waktu berlari begitu cepat bagi saya menuju tanah misi bila Tuhan mengijinkan.
Selasa, 01 Maret 2005. “Misteri orang miskin adalah: bahwa mereka adalah Yesus, dan apa yang kamu lakukan bagi mereka kamu lakukan bagi-Nya. Ini adalah satu-satunya jalan yang kita miliki untuk mengenal dan percaya dalam cinta kasih kita. Misteri kemiskinan adalah bahwa dengan sharing ini, membuat diri kita sendiri miskin dalam pemberian bagi sesama, kita meningkatkan pengetahuan dan kepercayaan kita di dalam cinta kash itu.”
Pagi hari di rumah kami Xaverian, kelompok refleksi teologi saya mengadakan pertemuan dan kali ini seorang frater Claretian asal Peru bernama Manuel Benavides mensharingkan refleksinya. Di malam hari setelah makan malam, selama satu jam saya bertemu formator/rektor saya untuk program pembinaan pribadi.
Rabu, 02 Maret 2005. “Kadang-kadang, saya berpikir bahwa tujuan Catholic Worker, agak terpisah dari tujuan-tujuan sosial, yaitu menunjukkan karya Ilahi, bagaimana Allah mengasihi kita. Kita adalah keluarga, bukanlah suatu institusi, dalam suatu suasana, dan kita mengarahkan diri kita sendiri khususnya untuk keluarga-keluarga, yang memiliki musuh yaitu ketidakamanan, dosa, penyakit dan kematian, saling berdampingan dengan seluruh kegembiraan keluarga. Kita berbicara tentang apa yang kita kerjakan, karena kita secara terus-menerus mengagumi keajaiban keberadaan kita.”
Hari ini saya mengirimkan surat untuk konfirmasi dan uang muka dengan check sebesar $ 100 untuk program CPE di musim panas ini ke Alexian Brothers Health System. Biaya untuk program ini adalah $ 400, pendidikan selama 11 minggu. Pagi ini saya meminjam dari perpustakaan CTU, satu set kaset tape tentang meditas yang saya sungguh tertarik untuk mempraktekkannya. Sebelum mengikuti kuliah, saya membaca beberapa majalah di perpustakaan CTU dan saya menjadi sadar bahwa perpustakaan ini memiliki banyak hal yang saya sungguh tertarik untuk membacanya khususnya bidang spiritualitas dan pengembangan kehidupan manusia. Di sore hari saya bertemu dengan ketiga formator saya yaitu Pastor Rocco, Pascal dan Victor untuk sharing dan klarifikasi tentang beberapa hal dalam perjalanan hidup panggilan saya di Serikat Xaverian ini. Hal ini mengingatkan saya akan pengalaman saya mengadakan interview untuk melamar ke program CPE di awal bulan Februari 2005 lalu di mana saya diwawancarai bersama-saa selama satu jam oleh tiga chaplain di rumah sakit Alexian Brothers ini. Prinsip yang saya punya dalam mensharingkan dan menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan mereka adalah dengan terbuka dan jujur apa adanya apa yang saya miliki dalam hati, pikiran dan pengalaman hidup saya yang panjang ini. Saya sungguh gembira melihat kemajuan dalam hal komunikasi antara para frater dan formator dalam proses pendidikan ini. Saya kira ini adalah perwujudan dari proyek hidup bersama kami yang menekankan akan hal penuturan kisah hidup kita dengan penuh kepercayaan dan penuh perhatian satu sama lain. Saya menghargai dengan penuh syukur usaha para formator saya yang telah mengusahakan ini semua.
Kamis, 03 Maret 2005. “Hal yang paling penting tentang Catholic Worker adalah kemiskinan, beberapa bilang. Hal paling penting adalah komunitas, beberapa yang lain berpendapat. Kami tidak sendirian lagi. Namun kata akhir adalah KASIH…Kami semua mengetahui kesendirian yang panjang dan kami telah mempelajari bahwa jalan keluar/solusi satu-satunya adalah KASIH dan bahwa kasih datang bersama dengan komunitas.”
Sore ini saya memasak untuk komunitas yaitu Pizza dan sup Tom Yum (Thailand). Sesudah makan malam kami mengadakan rapat komunitas membahas tentang evaluasi proyek hidup bersama (kaul kemiskinan). Malamhari saya menelpon seorang pastor projo Jakarta bernama Romo Tunjung Kesuma yang berkarya di paroki Pejompongan. Saya bertemu dia Roma saat saya mengunjungi rumah jeneralat Xaverian di bulan November 2002. Ia hampir saja lupa saya; saya mengetahui keberadaan beliau dari seorang teman saya yang dulu sama-sama bekerja di TOTO Jakarta yang adalah umat paroki ini.
Jumat, 04 Maret 2005. “Orang Buddha mengajarkan bahwa kehidupan seorang manusia terbagi dalam tiga bagian: pertama adalah untuk pendidikan dan pertumbuhan; kedua adalah untuk belajar dengan berkelanjutan melalui perkawinan dan memelihara keluarga, keterlibatan dengan kehidupan indera, akal budi, roh; dan periode ketiga adalah saat penarikan diri dari seluruh tanggung jawab, membiarkan semua hal dalam kehidupan ini berjalan sendiri, membiarkan Allah mengambil alih semuanya.”
Pagi hari pukul 9 hingaa sore pukul 4 saya mengikuti workshop “Pearl and Treasures” yang ke-4 di CTU dengan topik: Manajemen Keuangan dan Fasilitas sebuah paroki dalam setting Amerika Serikat. Pukul 5 sore kami mengadakan misa requiem mendoakan Leopold Mboko, kakak dari Pastor Willy Mukucha, SX. Ia meninggal dunia di Canada 40 hari lalu karena sakit dalam usianya yang ke-48 tahun. Para peserta program IRF (Institute of Religious Formation) dari CTU yang adalah teman-teman sekelas Pastor Willy juga turut hadir dalam misa ini. Kami melanjutkan acara ramah tamah di komunitas Xaverian dengan makan malam yang dimasak khusus oleh Pastor Rocco yaitu dengan menu spesialnya, Jambalaya udang, gaya New Orleans. Pukul 7.30 malam, Ignas mengantar saya ke rumah retret tempat kerasulan saya, David Darst Center setelah mengantar Pastor Victor ke persekutuan doa umat Katolik Indonesia dan mengantar Paskal Atumisi ke Navy Pier dan menjemput ketiga frater dari Milwaukee (Harno, Francois dan Valeri) di stasiun kereta. Dalam kerasulan saya, ada sebuah retret yang sudah dimulai sejak hari Rabu lalu, yaitu dari SMU Xavier di Iowa. Mereka adalah tiga murid ‘senior’ tahun terakhir SMU (Megan, Denis dan Fernando) dan seorang guru mereka (Denis). Saya tinggal bermalam di rumah retret ini.
Sabtu, 05 Maret 2005. “Satu hal yang membuat pekerjaan kita lebih mudah yang paling pasti adalah kasih yang kita berikan bagi sesama dan bagi orang yang baginya kita bekerja. Pekerjaan itu menjadi sulit hanya jika timbul pertengkaran dan perselisihan dan ketika hati sesorang dipenuhi dengan semanagat penuh kritikan/ketidakpuasan.”
Pagi hari ini saya berdoa secara pribadi lalu sarapan bersama para peserta retret, dan juga Gayle serta Suster Paula yang memasak pancake dan telur. Sebelum tengah hari kami mengunjungi sebuah panti jompo dan bermain Bingo dengan para orang tua penghuni panti wredha ini yang mayoritas adalah orang Afro-Amerikan. Kami kembali ke rumah retret lalu makan siang (hamburger) lalu menonton sebuah video mengenai Dorothy Day. Karena mereka akan menyelsaikan retreat mereka malam ini, saya pulang kembali ke rumah di Hyde Park sore ini dan minggu depan saya akan kembali ke tempat retret ini karena akan ada tiga kelompok yang mengadakan retret minggu depan. Saya pulang kembali ke rumah dengan kendaraan umum CTA yaitu kereta warna oranye, hijau dan bis nomor 15 yang lewat persis di depan rumah Xaverian di Hyde Park.
Minggu, 06 Maret 2005. “Kasih dan lebih lagi kasih adalah satu-satunya jalan keluar bagi setiap permasalahan yang muncul. Bila kita cukup mengasihi satu sama lain, kita akan mendukung satu sama lain kesalahan dan beban sesama kita. Bila kita mengasihi dengan cukup, kita akan menyalakan api ini dalam hati sesama kita. Ini adalah kasih yang akan membuat kita menginginkan melakukan hal-hal besar dan baik bagi sesama. Tak ada pengorbanan dan tak ada penderitaan akan kelihatan terlalu banyak, akhirnya.”
Hari ini adalah sebuah hari khusus buat Frater Petrus Hardiyanto yang mengikrarkan kaul-kaul kekalnya dalam keluarga misionaris Xaverian. Kami merayakan misa untuknya di Gereja Santa Theresia Chinatown Chicago dengan koor umat Katolik Indonesia dan umat paroki ini. Ke dalam tangan Pastor Alfredo Turco, sx, wakil provinsial SX di USA, Petrus mengucapkan janji setia terakhirnya untuk hidup dalam keempat kaul anggota Serikat Xaverian, yaitu kaul misi, kemiskinan, kemurnian dan ketaatan. Homili diberikan oleh rektor kami, Pastor Rocco dan misa dipimpin oleh Pastor Alfredo. Ini adalah perayaan yang cukup mengesankan secara kebetulan atau sesuai dengan penyelenggaraan ilahi disertai dengan suatu hari yang indah di laru dengan surya yang bersinar dengan cerahnya dan suhu udara yang cukup hangat seakan menjadi saksi perjalanan panggilan Petrus menuju imamat misioner dalam keluarga religius Xaverian. Ini adalah suatu hari khusus juga baginya karena rambut panjangnya dipotong menjadi lebih pendek sebagaimana niatnya sejak tahun lalu. Ia nampak jauh lebih muda, barangkali lebih muda 10 tahun dari usia sebenarnya. Umat paroki baik dari paroki Santa Theresia dan umat Indonesia di Chicago bahkan dari Indiana datang memberikan dukungan buat Petrus dan ia sungguh gembira dan penuh syukur kepada kita semua yang telah mengingatnya dalam doa-doa kita dan memberikan semangat dengan kehadiran kita dalam acara yang sekali untuk selama-lamanya ini. Ucapan syukur dan terima kasih secara khusus pula bagi para teman Indonesia yang telah mempersiapkan dan mendendangkan lagu-lagu favoritnya dan juga hidangan makan siang, dengan menu Soto Ayam dan minuman tradisional, es cincaunya untuk ramah tamah di basement paroki. Ini suatu bukti nyata kasih dan kepedulian umat terhadap satu sama lainnya dalam mendukung perjalanan hidup seseorang yang terlihat dengan jelas dalam peristiwa agung ini. Luapan syukur sebagai sebuah komunitas teologi Xaverian terhadap kehadiran Petrus sebagai seorang frater dan anggota keluarga kami berlanjut dengan perayaan sederhana di rumah kami di Hyde Park dengan mengundang beberapa teman kami dengan hidangan menu utamanya masakan Lebanon sebagai santap malam dan ini adalah makanan Lebanon pertama yang pernah kami santap bersama dalam tahun 2005 ini. Kami menunggu langkah-langkah Petrus selanjutnya, yaitu tahbisan diakonat yang akan diselenggarakan di tempat dan waktu yang sama di bulan April tanggal 24 tahun 2005 dan juga tahbisan imamatnya yang ditentukan lebih lanjut di Indonesia. Maju terus , Petrus, pantang mundur menuju hidup misionermu sebagai seorang pelayan umat Allah dan kami akan mengikutimu dalam waktu-waktu yang ditentukan buat kami. “Apa yang kulihat, aku akan menjadi; jika aku tak dapat melihatnya, aku takkan menjadi; hingga aku percaya, aku takkan pernah mencapainya.” Vita-vita-vita….vita…..vita….
“Our good readers absolve us from any charges of anticlericalism as they read these rather severe articles on the Church and work. They know that the wish of our heart is to bring closer together the priest and the people. There is a great division between two, and one of the very reasons for the Catholic Worker’s existence is to bridge this gap.”
Monday, February 28, 2005. “Poverty is a strange and elusive thing. I have tried to write about it, its joys and its sorrows, for twenty years now; I could probably write about it for another twenty years without conveying what I feel about it as well as I would like. I condemn poverty and I advocate it; poverty is simple and complex at once; it is a social phenomenon and a personal matter. It is a paradox.”
In the morning there was a funeral for the former president and founder of CTU, Father Paul Bechtold, CP. In the spirituality of a new millennium class, I learned about Dorothy Day and I quote her interesting statements I selected of a book about her in this weekly journal. Today I received a letter of the Alexian Brothers Health System, about the acceptance of my CPE program for summer unit 2005 (6 June – 19 August). In the afternoon as I opened my e-mail, I received a reply from a Xaverian father who works in Japan, named Renato Filippini. He’s so glad to know my interest of the Xaverian mission in Japan and willing to share his experience and being a correspondence to me. Actually, I already have this idea since last year and this year I realize it because the time that I have is running very fast toward the mission with God’s will.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005. “The mystery of the poor is this: That they are Jesus, and what you do for them you do for Him. It is the only way we have of knowing and believing in our love. The mystery of poverty is that by sharing in it, making ourselves poor in giving to others, we increase our knowledge of and belief in love.”
In the morning at the Xaverian house, my theological reflection group had a meeting and this time Manuel Benavides, a Claretian seminarian from Peru shared his reflection. In the evening after supper, for one hour I met my formator/rector for personal formation program.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005. “Sometimes, I think the purpose of the Catholic Worker, quite aside from all our social aims, is to show the providence of God, how God loves us. We are a family, not an institution, in atmosphere, and so we address ourselves especially to families, who have all the woes of insecurity, sin, sickness, and death, side by side with all the joys of family. We talk about what we are doing, because we constantly wonder at the miracle of our continuance.”
Today I sent a letter of confirmation plus $ 100 check for my CPE summer program to Alexian Brothers Health System. The tuition of this program is $ 400. This morning I borrowed from CTU library cassette-tapes about meditation that I am interested to practice it. Before attending a class, I spent my time to read some magazines at the library and I came to realize that CTU library has many things that I am interested to read especially in the spirituality and human development fields. In the afternoon, I met three of my formators, Fathers Rocco, Pascal and Victor for a sharing and clarification of some issues in my vocation journey in the Xaverians. It reminds me when I did interview to apply my CPE program in the beginning of February 2005 in which I was interviewed by three chaplains of the Alexian Brothers hospital. The principle I have is just sharing openly and honestly what I have in my heart, mind and long-life experience. I am very glad to see the improvement in term of communication between students and formators in my formation process. I think it’s the real implementation of our community project of life that emphasizes telling the story of life with trust and attentive listening to each other. I gratefully appreciate their effort to make it happens.
Thursday, March 03, 2005. “The most significant thing about the Catholic Worker is poverty, some say. The most significant thing is community, others say. We are not alone anymore. But the final word is love….We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.”
This afternoon I cooked Pizza and Tom Yum soup. After supper we had a community meeting about evaluation of our community project of life in the vow of poverty. At night I called up a diocesan priest of Jakarta, Father Tunjug Kesuma, who works in Pejompongan parish in Jakarta. I met him in Rome when I visited the Xaverian general house in November 2002. He almost forgot me; I know his address from my friend who is his parishioner and also my friend when I worked at TOTO in Jakarta.
Friday, March 04, 2005. “Buddhists teach that a man’s life is divided into three parts: the first part for education and growing up; the second for continued learning, through marriage and raising a family, involvement with the life of the senses, the mind, and the spirit; and the third period, the time of withdrawal from responsibility, letting go of the things of this life, letting God take over.”
In the morning at 9 to afternoon at 4 I had a workshop of Pearl and Treasures (IV) at CTU with a topic: Financial and Facilities Management at a parish. At 5 p.m. at our chapel we had a requiem Mass for Leopold Mboko, the brother of Father Willy Mukucha, SX. He died in Canada 40 days ago because of his sickness in 48 year-old of age. The students of IRF (Institute of Religious Formation) of CTU who are the classmates of Father Willy also attended this Mass. We had hospitality with supper cooked by Father Rocco, with a special menu, shrimp Jambalaya, New Orleans style. At 7.30 p.m. Ignas took me to my ministry site at David Darst Center after we took Father Victor to Indonesian prayer group and Pascal Atumisi to Navy Pier and picked up three students from Milwaukee (Harno, Francois and Valeri at a train station. In my ministry, there was a retreat started on Wednesday, from Xavier High School in Iowa. There were only 3 students (Megan, Denis and Fernando) and one teacher (Denis). I stayed overnight at this retreat house.
Saturday, March 05, 2005. “The one thing that makes our work easier most certainly is the love we bear for each other and for the people for whom we work. The work becomes difficult only when there is quarreling and dissension and when one’s own heart is filled with a spirit of criticism.”
In the morning I prayed personally then had breakfast together with the retreatans and Gayle, Sister Paula who cooked pancake. Before noon we visited a nursing home and played Bingo with elderly people there and most of them Afro-Americans. We were coming back to the retreat house then having lunch (hamburger) then watching a video about Dorothy Day. Since they will finish their retreat this night, I went home earlier in the afternoon and next week I will go there again since there will be three groups for the retreat. I went home by CTA train: Orange, Green lines and a bus no. 15.
Sunday, March 06, 2005. “Love and ever more love is the only solution to every problem that comes up. If we love each other enough, we will bear with each other’s faults and burdens. If we love enough, we are going to light that fire in the hearts of others. And it is love that will burn out the sins and hatreds that sadden us. It is love that will make us want to do great things for each other. No sacrifice and no suffering will then seem too much.”
Today is a special day for Petrus Hardiyanto who professed his perpetual vows in the Xaverian Missionaries. We celebrated the Mass for him at Saint Therese Church in Chinatown Chicago with Indonesian and Saint Therese choirs. In the hand of Very Rev. Alfredo Turco, sx, the vice-provincial of the Xaverians in the USA, Petrus uttered his final commitment to live out the four Xaverian vows, namely, mission, poverty, chastity and obedience. The homily was given by our rector, Father Rocco and the main presider of this Mass, Father Alfredo. It’s been a wonderful celebration coincidentally or maybe more providentially accompanied by a beautiful day outside with the sun shone brightly and warm temperature as if witnessing Petrus’ journey toward missionary religious priesthood. It’s a special day also for him since his long hair was cut becoming shorter as his vote last year. He looks like younger than ever, maybe younger 10 years than his age. Both Saint Therese parishioners and Indonesian friends in Chicago even from Indiana came to support Petrus and he’s very happy and gratefully to all of us who keep him in our prayer and encourage him with our presence in this once for all occasion. Special thanks also to Indonesian friends who prepared the songs and Indonesian food for the hospitality. It’s evident that the love of people to each other in supporting one’s life journey implemented in this event. The gratitude as the Xaverian theology community in Chicago to have Petrus as our brother continued with our celebration at our house Hyde Park inviting some of our friends with Lebanese food as our supper, this is the first Lebanese food that we ever have in the year of 2005. We’re looking forward for his next steps, that is ordination of deaconate, which will be held on April 24 this year at the same time and place and his priesthood ordination, which will be determined later in Indonesia. Go ahead, Petrus to your missionary life as a minister of God’s people and we will follow you on our due time. “The me I see, the me I’ll be; If I can’t see it, I will not be it; Until I believe it, I will never achieve it.” Vita-vita-vita….vita…..vita….
1) Hari Minggu Masa Pra-Paskah ke-4, 06 Maret 2005
“Para pembaca budiman kita membebaskan kita dari tuntutan anti-klerikalisme sebagaimana mereka membaca artikel tentang Gereja dan Kerja yang cukup berat ini. Mereka tahu bahwa keinginan hati kami adalah mempererat hubungan antara umat dan gembala/pastor. Ada perpecahan yang mendalam antara keduanya, dan salah satu alasan bagi keberadaan Catholic Worker adalah untuk menjembatani gap ini.”
Senin, 28 Februari 2005. “Kemiskinan adalah suatu yang aneh dan sukar dipahami. Saya telah mencoba untuk menulis tentang kemisinan ini, kegembiraan dan penderitaannya, selama dua puluh tahun hingga sekarang; saya kemungkinan besar dapat menulis tentang hal ini untuk dua puluh tahun lagi tanpa menyampaikan apa yang saya rasakan tentangnya seperti apa yang saya mau sampaikan. Saya mengutuk kemiskinan dan menganjurkan/menyokongnya; kemiskinan adalah sederhana dan kompleks sekaligus; kemiskinan adalah suatu fenomena sosial dan juga suatu masalah pribadi. Ini merupakan suatu paradox.”
Pagi ini ada pemakaman jenasah mantan presiden dan pendiri CTU, yaitu Pastor Paul Bechtold, CP. Dalam kelas spiritualitas dalam millennium baru, saya belajar tentang Dorothy Day dan saya mengutip pernyataan-pernyataan yang menarik darinya yang saya seleksi dari sebuah buku tentangnya dalam jurnal mingguan saya ini. Hari ini saya menerima sebuah surat dari Alexian Brothers Health System, tentang penerimaan atas CPE program buat saya di musim panas 2005 ini (6 Juni – 19 Agustus). Di sore hari saya ketika membuka e-mail saya, saya menerima balasan surat dari seorang pastor Xaverian yang berkarya di Jepang, yang bernama Renato Filippini. Ia senang sekali mengetahui ketertarikan saya akan misi Xaverian di Jepang dan bersedia membagikan pengalamannya dan menjadi koresponden buat saya. Sebenarnya, saya sudah memiliki keinginan dan ide ini sejak tahun lalu namun baru tahun ini saya wujudnyatakan karena waktu berlari begitu cepat bagi saya menuju tanah misi bila Tuhan mengijinkan.
Selasa, 01 Maret 2005. “Misteri orang miskin adalah: bahwa mereka adalah Yesus, dan apa yang kamu lakukan bagi mereka kamu lakukan bagi-Nya. Ini adalah satu-satunya jalan yang kita miliki untuk mengenal dan percaya dalam cinta kasih kita. Misteri kemiskinan adalah bahwa dengan sharing ini, membuat diri kita sendiri miskin dalam pemberian bagi sesama, kita meningkatkan pengetahuan dan kepercayaan kita di dalam cinta kash itu.”
Pagi hari di rumah kami Xaverian, kelompok refleksi teologi saya mengadakan pertemuan dan kali ini seorang frater Claretian asal Peru bernama Manuel Benavides mensharingkan refleksinya. Di malam hari setelah makan malam, selama satu jam saya bertemu formator/rektor saya untuk program pembinaan pribadi.
Rabu, 02 Maret 2005. “Kadang-kadang, saya berpikir bahwa tujuan Catholic Worker, agak terpisah dari tujuan-tujuan sosial, yaitu menunjukkan karya Ilahi, bagaimana Allah mengasihi kita. Kita adalah keluarga, bukanlah suatu institusi, dalam suatu suasana, dan kita mengarahkan diri kita sendiri khususnya untuk keluarga-keluarga, yang memiliki musuh yaitu ketidakamanan, dosa, penyakit dan kematian, saling berdampingan dengan seluruh kegembiraan keluarga. Kita berbicara tentang apa yang kita kerjakan, karena kita secara terus-menerus mengagumi keajaiban keberadaan kita.”
Hari ini saya mengirimkan surat untuk konfirmasi dan uang muka dengan check sebesar $ 100 untuk program CPE di musim panas ini ke Alexian Brothers Health System. Biaya untuk program ini adalah $ 400, pendidikan selama 11 minggu. Pagi ini saya meminjam dari perpustakaan CTU, satu set kaset tape tentang meditas yang saya sungguh tertarik untuk mempraktekkannya. Sebelum mengikuti kuliah, saya membaca beberapa majalah di perpustakaan CTU dan saya menjadi sadar bahwa perpustakaan ini memiliki banyak hal yang saya sungguh tertarik untuk membacanya khususnya bidang spiritualitas dan pengembangan kehidupan manusia. Di sore hari saya bertemu dengan ketiga formator saya yaitu Pastor Rocco, Pascal dan Victor untuk sharing dan klarifikasi tentang beberapa hal dalam perjalanan hidup panggilan saya di Serikat Xaverian ini. Hal ini mengingatkan saya akan pengalaman saya mengadakan interview untuk melamar ke program CPE di awal bulan Februari 2005 lalu di mana saya diwawancarai bersama-saa selama satu jam oleh tiga chaplain di rumah sakit Alexian Brothers ini. Prinsip yang saya punya dalam mensharingkan dan menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan mereka adalah dengan terbuka dan jujur apa adanya apa yang saya miliki dalam hati, pikiran dan pengalaman hidup saya yang panjang ini. Saya sungguh gembira melihat kemajuan dalam hal komunikasi antara para frater dan formator dalam proses pendidikan ini. Saya kira ini adalah perwujudan dari proyek hidup bersama kami yang menekankan akan hal penuturan kisah hidup kita dengan penuh kepercayaan dan penuh perhatian satu sama lain. Saya menghargai dengan penuh syukur usaha para formator saya yang telah mengusahakan ini semua.
Kamis, 03 Maret 2005. “Hal yang paling penting tentang Catholic Worker adalah kemiskinan, beberapa bilang. Hal paling penting adalah komunitas, beberapa yang lain berpendapat. Kami tidak sendirian lagi. Namun kata akhir adalah KASIH…Kami semua mengetahui kesendirian yang panjang dan kami telah mempelajari bahwa jalan keluar/solusi satu-satunya adalah KASIH dan bahwa kasih datang bersama dengan komunitas.”
Sore ini saya memasak untuk komunitas yaitu Pizza dan sup Tom Yum (Thailand). Sesudah makan malam kami mengadakan rapat komunitas membahas tentang evaluasi proyek hidup bersama (kaul kemiskinan). Malamhari saya menelpon seorang pastor projo Jakarta bernama Romo Tunjung Kesuma yang berkarya di paroki Pejompongan. Saya bertemu dia Roma saat saya mengunjungi rumah jeneralat Xaverian di bulan November 2002. Ia hampir saja lupa saya; saya mengetahui keberadaan beliau dari seorang teman saya yang dulu sama-sama bekerja di TOTO Jakarta yang adalah umat paroki ini.
Jumat, 04 Maret 2005. “Orang Buddha mengajarkan bahwa kehidupan seorang manusia terbagi dalam tiga bagian: pertama adalah untuk pendidikan dan pertumbuhan; kedua adalah untuk belajar dengan berkelanjutan melalui perkawinan dan memelihara keluarga, keterlibatan dengan kehidupan indera, akal budi, roh; dan periode ketiga adalah saat penarikan diri dari seluruh tanggung jawab, membiarkan semua hal dalam kehidupan ini berjalan sendiri, membiarkan Allah mengambil alih semuanya.”
Pagi hari pukul 9 hingaa sore pukul 4 saya mengikuti workshop “Pearl and Treasures” yang ke-4 di CTU dengan topik: Manajemen Keuangan dan Fasilitas sebuah paroki dalam setting Amerika Serikat. Pukul 5 sore kami mengadakan misa requiem mendoakan Leopold Mboko, kakak dari Pastor Willy Mukucha, SX. Ia meninggal dunia di Canada 40 hari lalu karena sakit dalam usianya yang ke-48 tahun. Para peserta program IRF (Institute of Religious Formation) dari CTU yang adalah teman-teman sekelas Pastor Willy juga turut hadir dalam misa ini. Kami melanjutkan acara ramah tamah di komunitas Xaverian dengan makan malam yang dimasak khusus oleh Pastor Rocco yaitu dengan menu spesialnya, Jambalaya udang, gaya New Orleans. Pukul 7.30 malam, Ignas mengantar saya ke rumah retret tempat kerasulan saya, David Darst Center setelah mengantar Pastor Victor ke persekutuan doa umat Katolik Indonesia dan mengantar Paskal Atumisi ke Navy Pier dan menjemput ketiga frater dari Milwaukee (Harno, Francois dan Valeri) di stasiun kereta. Dalam kerasulan saya, ada sebuah retret yang sudah dimulai sejak hari Rabu lalu, yaitu dari SMU Xavier di Iowa. Mereka adalah tiga murid ‘senior’ tahun terakhir SMU (Megan, Denis dan Fernando) dan seorang guru mereka (Denis). Saya tinggal bermalam di rumah retret ini.
Sabtu, 05 Maret 2005. “Satu hal yang membuat pekerjaan kita lebih mudah yang paling pasti adalah kasih yang kita berikan bagi sesama dan bagi orang yang baginya kita bekerja. Pekerjaan itu menjadi sulit hanya jika timbul pertengkaran dan perselisihan dan ketika hati sesorang dipenuhi dengan semanagat penuh kritikan/ketidakpuasan.”
Pagi hari ini saya berdoa secara pribadi lalu sarapan bersama para peserta retret, dan juga Gayle serta Suster Paula yang memasak pancake dan telur. Sebelum tengah hari kami mengunjungi sebuah panti jompo dan bermain Bingo dengan para orang tua penghuni panti wredha ini yang mayoritas adalah orang Afro-Amerikan. Kami kembali ke rumah retret lalu makan siang (hamburger) lalu menonton sebuah video mengenai Dorothy Day. Karena mereka akan menyelsaikan retreat mereka malam ini, saya pulang kembali ke rumah di Hyde Park sore ini dan minggu depan saya akan kembali ke tempat retret ini karena akan ada tiga kelompok yang mengadakan retret minggu depan. Saya pulang kembali ke rumah dengan kendaraan umum CTA yaitu kereta warna oranye, hijau dan bis nomor 15 yang lewat persis di depan rumah Xaverian di Hyde Park.
Minggu, 06 Maret 2005. “Kasih dan lebih lagi kasih adalah satu-satunya jalan keluar bagi setiap permasalahan yang muncul. Bila kita cukup mengasihi satu sama lain, kita akan mendukung satu sama lain kesalahan dan beban sesama kita. Bila kita mengasihi dengan cukup, kita akan menyalakan api ini dalam hati sesama kita. Ini adalah kasih yang akan membuat kita menginginkan melakukan hal-hal besar dan baik bagi sesama. Tak ada pengorbanan dan tak ada penderitaan akan kelihatan terlalu banyak, akhirnya.”
Hari ini adalah sebuah hari khusus buat Frater Petrus Hardiyanto yang mengikrarkan kaul-kaul kekalnya dalam keluarga misionaris Xaverian. Kami merayakan misa untuknya di Gereja Santa Theresia Chinatown Chicago dengan koor umat Katolik Indonesia dan umat paroki ini. Ke dalam tangan Pastor Alfredo Turco, sx, wakil provinsial SX di USA, Petrus mengucapkan janji setia terakhirnya untuk hidup dalam keempat kaul anggota Serikat Xaverian, yaitu kaul misi, kemiskinan, kemurnian dan ketaatan. Homili diberikan oleh rektor kami, Pastor Rocco dan misa dipimpin oleh Pastor Alfredo. Ini adalah perayaan yang cukup mengesankan secara kebetulan atau sesuai dengan penyelenggaraan ilahi disertai dengan suatu hari yang indah di laru dengan surya yang bersinar dengan cerahnya dan suhu udara yang cukup hangat seakan menjadi saksi perjalanan panggilan Petrus menuju imamat misioner dalam keluarga religius Xaverian. Ini adalah suatu hari khusus juga baginya karena rambut panjangnya dipotong menjadi lebih pendek sebagaimana niatnya sejak tahun lalu. Ia nampak jauh lebih muda, barangkali lebih muda 10 tahun dari usia sebenarnya. Umat paroki baik dari paroki Santa Theresia dan umat Indonesia di Chicago bahkan dari Indiana datang memberikan dukungan buat Petrus dan ia sungguh gembira dan penuh syukur kepada kita semua yang telah mengingatnya dalam doa-doa kita dan memberikan semangat dengan kehadiran kita dalam acara yang sekali untuk selama-lamanya ini. Ucapan syukur dan terima kasih secara khusus pula bagi para teman Indonesia yang telah mempersiapkan dan mendendangkan lagu-lagu favoritnya dan juga hidangan makan siang, dengan menu Soto Ayam dan minuman tradisional, es cincaunya untuk ramah tamah di basement paroki. Ini suatu bukti nyata kasih dan kepedulian umat terhadap satu sama lainnya dalam mendukung perjalanan hidup seseorang yang terlihat dengan jelas dalam peristiwa agung ini. Luapan syukur sebagai sebuah komunitas teologi Xaverian terhadap kehadiran Petrus sebagai seorang frater dan anggota keluarga kami berlanjut dengan perayaan sederhana di rumah kami di Hyde Park dengan mengundang beberapa teman kami dengan hidangan menu utamanya masakan Lebanon sebagai santap malam dan ini adalah makanan Lebanon pertama yang pernah kami santap bersama dalam tahun 2005 ini. Kami menunggu langkah-langkah Petrus selanjutnya, yaitu tahbisan diakonat yang akan diselenggarakan di tempat dan waktu yang sama di bulan April tanggal 24 tahun 2005 dan juga tahbisan imamatnya yang ditentukan lebih lanjut di Indonesia. Maju terus , Petrus, pantang mundur menuju hidup misionermu sebagai seorang pelayan umat Allah dan kami akan mengikutimu dalam waktu-waktu yang ditentukan buat kami. “Apa yang kulihat, aku akan menjadi; jika aku tak dapat melihatnya, aku takkan menjadi; hingga aku percaya, aku takkan pernah mencapainya.” Vita-vita-vita….vita…..vita….
Sunday, February 27, 2005
surat ke-4 bulan Februari 2005
4) 3rd Sunday of Lent, February 27, 2005
Monday, February 21, 2005. “In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all those people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. It was like waking from a dream of separateness of spurious self-isolation in a special world, the world of renunciation and supposed holiness. The whole illusion of a separate holy existence is a dream. Not that I question the reality of my vocation, or of my monastic life: but the conception of ‘separation from the world’ that we have in the monastery too easily presents itself as a complete illusion: the illusion that by making vows we become a different species of being, pseudo-angels, ‘spiritual men,’ men of interior life, what have you. …Thank God, thank God that I am like other men, that I am only a man among others” (Thomas Merton).
This week I learn about Thomas Merton from my both courses at CTU, Spirituality in a new millennium and Quest of justice (ethic). That’s why I quote some remarks this week from Thomas Merton’s reading. I am impressed to his spirituality that never satisfied to settle in one spirituality but always tried to find the meaning of life in solitude, concerned on social problem even world problem, opened to other spirituality especially between West and East, and paradox in his life journey in many aspects.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005. “Sin is trying to avoid inevitable suffering” (Carol Stuhlmuller).
Finally, I got grade report of one of my spirituality studies in the Summer Class 2004 from the registration office after I asked many times to Maria. I was awe stricken by many facilities at CTU library especially some tapes and videocassettes about spirituality, bible and other interesting things. So, I borrowed some of them. I got a DVD from Father Pascal that he bought via Amazon.com, entitled Dietrich Bonhoeffer for my Spirituality in a new Millennium. I am going to use it for my presentation of this class in April 11. I couldn’t wait to see it, then I watched it in the afternoon. Many things I can learn of it but I will write it later when the time comes for me to present it.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005. “Hate is the seed of death in my own heart, while it seeks the death of the other. Love is the seed of life in my own heart when it seeks the good of other” (Thomas Merton).
In the morning I met Dawn Notwehr, OSF the director of M.Div program at CTU to discuss about my study especially my credit transfer. In result, she made a proposal of two more subjects for transfer, namely, religion in context (Complementary Core) that I proposed my Asian Theology class and Preaching class in which I proposed my homiletic and catechetic classes I have received in my previous studies in Indonesia. She proceeded them to the dean of CTU, Gary Riebe, SVD and I just wait and see the result in the coming days.
Thursday, February 24, 2005. “So instead of loving what you think is peace, love other men and love God above all. And instead of hating the people you think are warmakers, hate the appetites and the disorder in your own soul, which are the causes of war. If you love peace then hate injustice, hate tyranny, hate greed but hate these things in yourself not in another” (Thomas Merton).
In the evening after the supper, we had a community meeting about evaluation of our community project of life (vow of mission).
Friday, February 25, 2005. “For me to be a saint means to be myself. Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and of discovering my true self” (Thomas Merton).
In the morning after the Mass, I headed to Saint Therese Church to meet Father Michael for spiritual direction. I remained there and read my CTU course for next week. In the evening as a community of Hyde Park we gathered at Saint Therese Church to pray the way of cross at 7 p.m. and had fish fry at 6 p.m. with the parishioners.
Saturday, February 26, 2005. “Our service of God and of the Church does not consist only in talking and doing. It can also consist in periods of silence, listening and waiting. Perhaps it is very important, in our era of violence and unrest, to rediscover meditation, silent inner unitive prayer, and creative Christian silence” (Thomas Merton).
In the morning Mass presided by Father Victor, I uttered my reflection on the Gospel reading today as I shared here. Since morning to noon I did some work at the basement, laundry and at noon I took a walk at downtown to buy some souvenirs for my niece in Ponorogo-Indonesia. In the afternoon Ignas picked me up to Saint Therese Chinatown then we (Petrus, Dharmawan, Ignas and I) went to Edi’s house to celebrate Edi’s birthday. I saw Petrus and Dharmawan prepared booklets for Petrus’ final vows celebration that will be held at Saint Therese next week, on Sunday, May 6th.
Reflection on Luke 15:11-32 (Saturday, February 26, 2005)
Almost at the end of my novitiate year, a psychologist lady was saying to me that I have a deep trauma of lost of father’s figure. She bombarded and pursued me with many interrogative questions in which she wanted raised my anger. But, at that time I couldn’t be angry since I had accepted my father as my father in his uniqueness both positive and negative. Then she claimed me as a conformist person. I faced such a difficult time that I thought it would impact on my continuation to my vocation life in the Xaverians but eventually I could go ahead make my first profession and until now I still have strength and perseverance in living out my vocation. Actually, I don’t deny that in fact I have bad and hard time experiencing dark side of my father’s life. In the other side, probably people outside never knew that my father also has a positive side in taking responsibility of his five children. People normally talk only the bad side of my father’s life and they wonder when see that all of us as his children do not follow his bad side. It could happen because of my father’s strength and discipline in educating us to do much better things than he has done and never imitate his bad attitude. Every time I went home to take vacation, my father always invited me to go to a dinner in a restaurant both on my first day and last day of staying at my hometown. Even he took me to a bus or train station until I left him. I experienced the same good experience when I left for Philadelphia last year doing ministry in which three of my formators (Xaverian fathers) here in Chicago gave me warm and best wishes to me and one of them took me to the airport. When I returned to Chicago, my rector offered me dinner at a restaurant for supper. Even he offered me to pick me up at the airport. It’s exactly reminded me a nice experience with my own father.
In the Gospel today we know that the key figure is the Father as a representative of God’s unconditional love to both his sons. The quality of the father on this account is evident with his action when his prodigal son returned home. This father has initiative to welcome him: ‘his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him’ then ‘quickly, bring out a robe, the best one and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet….and celebration.’ Facing the older son who is jealous and grumbling to the younger brother, this father has a prudent approach as well: ‘his father came out and began to plead with him.’ The father tries to make peace to both sons especially the older son, saying “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.”
Reading and seeing the cover a book of Henri J. Nouwen entitled ‘The Return of the Prodigal Son’ with a painting of Rembrandt’s ‘The Return of the Prodigal Son,’ gives me a clear image how good it is the quality of the father in the Gospel account. His hands depict a hand of a mother and a father. He embraces his younger son with full of compassion, forgiveness, acceptance and gratitude. The big themes completely filled this painting and account such as homecoming, affirmation, reconciliation that will be known by those who are enduring loneliness, dejection, jealousy and anger. The ultimate message for us at this time is the challenge to love as the father and be loved as the son. How do we practice the act of the father in accepting others wholeheartedly and as a younger son who is willing to receive the compassion and pure love of the father?
We are invited and called to see our whole life in this picture, the picture of homecoming and identify to three figures: the father, the older son and the younger son. As a matter of fact, each one of us can reflect that in some period of time we can be the older son when we have jealousy, pride, stereotype, closed mind, self-pity and unsatisfactory to the father. Sometimes in our life we can be the younger son who run away from the father’s love and squandered the property given by the father. We can take the good process of conversion of the younger son: contrition (realizing that his life in the impact of his sin is not worth), confession (coming back to the father and saying that ‘I am no longer worthy to be called your son’) and penance (receiving the father’s love and acceptance).
Moreover, we should imitate the father as our ultimate goal in our life’s journey. From the Rembrandt’s painting, we can see that from him comes all the light, intended that our primary attention go to the father before anyone else. Being in the Father’s house requires that I make the Father’s life my own and become transformed in his image. Looking the pictures of my father, my siblings and myself, immediately I can see similar features I have and inherit of my father. Indeed, I am an heir, successor of my father who has positive and negative sides in his life and I have to realize and aware that I have both sides as well that sometimes misunderstood and condemned by others, as my father was by me. Finally, I am looking forward to experience my next homecoming (2007) to my own father and my ‘fathers’ and patiently walking in the process to become a ‘father’ who expresses qualities of the father in full of compassion, gratitude, open hearted, forgiveness as the Father in heaven.
Sunday, February 27, 2005. “The secret of my identity is hidden in the love and mercy of God. If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him…The only One who can teach me to find God is God, Himself alone” (Thomas Merton).
In the morning I attended the Mass at Saint Thomas at 8 o’clock. I cooked today for community: green bean porridge, beef soup (Soto Madura), crackers and rice. After taking a nap for a while, I finalize this weekly journal and sent it as usual via e-mail. I was very impressed by the Merton’s prayer that we prayed at the class of spirituality in a new millennium as I copy below:
Merton’s Famous Prayer
My Lord God
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really understand myself.
And the fact that I think I am following
Your will does not mean I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
Does in fact please you.
And I hope I have desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road
Though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may
seem to be lost in the shadow of death.
I will not fear you are ever with me and
You will never leave me to face my troubles alone.
4) Hari Minggu Masa Pra-Paskah ke-3, 27 Februari 2005
Senin, 21 Februari 2005. “Di Louisville, di sudut jalan antara Fourth and Walnut, di pusat perbelanjaan, aku tiba-tiba merasakan kegembiraan yang meluap-luap dengan kenyataan bahwa aku mencintai semua orang ini, bahwa mereka adalah milikku dan aku adalah milik mereka, bahwa mereka tak dapat menjadi asing satu sama lain kendati kami semua tidak saling kenal. Ini mirip dengan sadar dari mimpi keterpisahan isolasi diri yang palsu dalam suatu dunia yang khusus, dunia yang meninggalkan hal duniawi dan semestinya dalam kekudusan. Seluruh ilusi dari suatu keberadaan keterpisahan yang kudus adalah suatu mimpi. Bukan bahwa saya mempertanyakan realitas panggilanku, atau kehidupan membiara/bertapaku: namun pemahaman dari ‘keterpisahan dari dunia’ yang kami miliki dalam pertapaan terlalu mudah menghadirkan diri sebagai seuatu ilusi yang utuh: ilusi dengan mengikrarkan kaul-kaul kami menjadi suatu makhluk yang khusus, serupa malaikat, ‘manusia spiritual/rohani’, manusia dengan hidup batin, apa pun yang telah kamu…Syukur kepada Allah, syukur kepada Allah bahwa aku seperti orang lain juga, bahwa aku hanya seorang manusia diantara manusia-manusia lainnya” (Thomas Merton).
Minggu ini saya belajar tentang Thomas Merton dari kedua matakuliah saya di CTU yaitu Spiritualitas dalam millennium baru dan kelas etika (pencarian keadilan). Itulah mengapa saya mengutip sebagian besar kutipan jurnal minggu ini dari bacaan tentang Thomas Merton. Saya terkesan pada spiritualitasnya yang tak pernah puas untuk berhenti menetap dalam sebuah spiritualitas namun selalu mencoba menemukan makan kehidupan dalam kesunyian, perhatian pada masalah sosial bahkan masalah dunia, terbuka pada spiritualitas lain khususn antara Barat dan Timur, dan paradox dalam perjalanan panggilan hidupnya dalam banyak aspek.
Selasa, 22 Februari 2005. “Dosa adalah mencoba untuk menghindarkan diri dari penderitaan yang tak terhindarkan” (Carol Stuhlmuller).
Akhrnya, saya mendapatkan laporan nilai dari satu matakuliah yang saya ambil saat musim panas 2004 lalu yaitu sebuah kelas spiritualitas yang saya dapat dari kantor registrasi setelah saya minta kepada Maria Lemus beberapa kali. Saya terkagum dengan banyaknya fasilitas di perpustakaan CTU khususnya beberapa kaset tape dan video tentang spiritualitas, Kitab Suci dan banyak hal lain yang menarik. Maka saya meminjam beberapa tape kaset ini. Saya mendapatkan sebuah DVD dari Pastor Pascal yang ia beli dari Amazon.com, berjudul Dietrich Bonhoeffer untuk kuliah spiritualitas saya yaitu Spiritualitas untuk millennium baru. Saya akan menggunakannya untuk bahan presentasi kelas ini pada tanggal 11 April nanti. Saya tak sabar menunggu ingin melihat film ini maka sore hari saya menontonnya. Banyak hal yang saya dapat pelajari dari DVD ini namun saya akan menulisnya nanti ketika saatnya tiba bagiku untuk mempresentasikannya.
Rabu, 23 Februari 2005. “Kebencian adalah benih dari kematian dalam hatiku, sementara benih ini mencari kematian orang lain. Cinta adalah benih kehidupan dalam hatiku sendiri ketika benih ini mencari kebaikan dari orang lain” (Thomas Merton).
Pagi ini saya menemui Suster Dawn Notwehr, OSF direktur dari program M.Div di CTU untuk membicarakan program kuliah saya khususnya tranfer kredit saya. Alhasil, ia membuat sebuah permohonan untuk penambahan tranfer kredit dua matakuliah, yaitu: agama dalam konteks (Complementary Core) yang saya usulkan dengan studi saya Teologi Asia dan Kelas Khotbah di mana saya mengusulkan matakuliah homiletika dan kateketik yang pernah saya ambil dalam studi saya sebelumnya di STF Driyarkara di Jakarta-Indonesia. Ia meneruskan permohonan ini kepada dekan CTU yaituGary Riebe, SVD dan saya hanya menunggu dan melihat nanti apa pun hasilnya dalam hari-hari mendatang.
Kamis, 24 Februari 2005. “Maka daripada mencintai apa yang kamu pikir adalah kedamaian, kasihilah orang lain dan kasihilah Allah di atas segalanya. Dan daripada membenci orang yang kamu pikir adalah pembuat keributan, bencilah nafsu-hasrat dan ketidakteraturan dalam jiwamu sendiri, yang adalah penyebab keributan atau perang ini. Jika kamu mencintai kedamaian maka bencilah ketidakadilan, bencilah tirani, bencilah keserakahan, namun bencilah hal ini semua dalam dirimu bukan dalam diri sesamamu” (Thomas Merton).
Malam hari setelah makan malam, kami mengadakan pertemuan komunitas mengevaluasi proyek hidup komunitas kami (kaul misi).
Jumat, 25 Februari 2005. “Bagiku menjadi seorang kudus berarti menjadi diriku sendiri. Oleh karena itu masalah kekudusan dan keselamatan dalam kenyataannya adalah menemukan siapa diriku dan penemuan jati diriku” (Thomas Merton).
Pagi hari setelah misa, saya pergi ke Gereja Santa Theresia, Chinatown untuk menemui Pastor Michael untuk bimbingan rohani. Saya tetap tinggal di sana dan membaca bahan bacaan kuliah saya untuk minggu depan. Sore harinya sebagai komunitas dari Hyde Park kami mengikuti doa jalan salib di gereja ini jam 7 dan ikut makan malam bersama para umat jam 6 di basement dengan menu ikan (tradisi hari Jumat di USA ini).
Sabtu, 26 Februari 2005. “Pelayananku akan Allah dan pada Gereja tidak terdiri hanya dari berbicara dan mengerjakan sesuatu. Ini juga dapat terdiri dari periode keheningan, mendengarkan dan menunggu. Barangkali hali ini sungguh amat penting, dalam masa kekerasan dan kerusuhan, untuk menemukan kembali meditasi, doa dengan keheningan batin yang menyatu, dan keheningan Kristiani yang kreatif” (Thomas Merton).
Dalam misa pagi yang dipimpin oleh Pastor Victor, saya memberikan refleksi saya atas bacaan Injil hari ini dan saya sharingkan di sini juga. Sejak pagi hingga tengah hari saya membersihkan basement, cuci & seterika baju dan siang harinya saya jalan-jalan ke downtown untuk membeli sesuatu oleh-oleh untuk keponakan saya di Ponorogo-Indonesia. Di sore hari Ignas menjemputku untuk pergi ke Gereja Santa Theresia lalu kami bereempat (Petrus, Dharmawan, Ignas dan saya) pergi ke rumah Edi untuk merayakan ulang tahun Edi. Saya melihat Petrus dan Dharmawan sibuk mempersiapkan booklet untuk acara perayaan kaul kekal Frater Petrus minggu depan yaitu tepatnya hari Minggu, 6 Mei di Gereja Santa Theresia. (Untuk renungan atas bacaan Injil Lukas 15:11-32 yaitu ‘anak yang hilang’ bisa dilihat di atas – edisi bahasa Inggrisnya).
Minggu, 27 Februari 2005. “Rahasia identitas diriku adalah tersembunyi dalam kasih dan kebaikan Allah. Jika saya menemukan Dia saya akan menemukan diriku sendiri dan jika saya menemukan jati diriku sendiri saya akan menemukan Dia…Satu-satunya orang yang dapat mengajarku untuk menemukan Allah adalah Allah, Allah, Dia sendiri” (Thomas Merton).
Pagi hari saya menghadiri misa di Gereja Santo Thomas jam 8. Saya hari ini memasak untuk komunitas: bubur kacang ijo, Soto Madura, krupuk dan nasi. Setelah istirahat siang sebentar, saya merampungkan jurnal mingguan ini lalu segera mengirimkannya lewat e-mail seperti biasa. Saya terkesan sekali dengan doa yang kami doakan di kelas spiritualitas dalam millennium baru di CTU yaitu doa Thomas Merton seperti saya kutip di bawah ini:
Doa Terkenal dari Thomas Merton
O Tuhan Allahku
Aku tak tahu ke mana aku pergi.
Aku tak melihat jalan di depanku.
Aku tak dapat mengetahui pasti di mana ini akan berakhir.
Tidak pula aku sungguh memahami diriku sendiri.
Dan kenyataannya adalah aku berpikir aku sedang mengikuti
KehendakMu tidak berarti aku sungguh sedang melakukannya.
Namun aku percaya bahwa keinginan untuk menyenangkan dikau
Dalam kenyataan membuat Dikau senang.
Kuberharap memiliki keinginan dalam segala apa yang aku sedang lakukan.
Kuberharap bahwa aku tak pernah melakukan sesuatu jauh dari keinginan itu.
Dan aku mengetahui bahwa jika aku melakukan ini,
kamu akan memimbimbingku di jalan yang benar
Meskipun aku mungkin tidak mengetahui apa pun tentang hal ini.
Oleh karena itu aku percaya kepadamu selalu meskipun aku mungkin nampak
Hilang tersesat dalam bayang-bayang kematian.
Aku tidak akan takut karena Dikau bersamaku dan
Dikau tak akan pernah meninggalkan aku menghadapi kesulitan-kesulitan sendiri.
Monday, February 21, 2005. “In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all those people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. It was like waking from a dream of separateness of spurious self-isolation in a special world, the world of renunciation and supposed holiness. The whole illusion of a separate holy existence is a dream. Not that I question the reality of my vocation, or of my monastic life: but the conception of ‘separation from the world’ that we have in the monastery too easily presents itself as a complete illusion: the illusion that by making vows we become a different species of being, pseudo-angels, ‘spiritual men,’ men of interior life, what have you. …Thank God, thank God that I am like other men, that I am only a man among others” (Thomas Merton).
This week I learn about Thomas Merton from my both courses at CTU, Spirituality in a new millennium and Quest of justice (ethic). That’s why I quote some remarks this week from Thomas Merton’s reading. I am impressed to his spirituality that never satisfied to settle in one spirituality but always tried to find the meaning of life in solitude, concerned on social problem even world problem, opened to other spirituality especially between West and East, and paradox in his life journey in many aspects.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005. “Sin is trying to avoid inevitable suffering” (Carol Stuhlmuller).
Finally, I got grade report of one of my spirituality studies in the Summer Class 2004 from the registration office after I asked many times to Maria. I was awe stricken by many facilities at CTU library especially some tapes and videocassettes about spirituality, bible and other interesting things. So, I borrowed some of them. I got a DVD from Father Pascal that he bought via Amazon.com, entitled Dietrich Bonhoeffer for my Spirituality in a new Millennium. I am going to use it for my presentation of this class in April 11. I couldn’t wait to see it, then I watched it in the afternoon. Many things I can learn of it but I will write it later when the time comes for me to present it.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005. “Hate is the seed of death in my own heart, while it seeks the death of the other. Love is the seed of life in my own heart when it seeks the good of other” (Thomas Merton).
In the morning I met Dawn Notwehr, OSF the director of M.Div program at CTU to discuss about my study especially my credit transfer. In result, she made a proposal of two more subjects for transfer, namely, religion in context (Complementary Core) that I proposed my Asian Theology class and Preaching class in which I proposed my homiletic and catechetic classes I have received in my previous studies in Indonesia. She proceeded them to the dean of CTU, Gary Riebe, SVD and I just wait and see the result in the coming days.
Thursday, February 24, 2005. “So instead of loving what you think is peace, love other men and love God above all. And instead of hating the people you think are warmakers, hate the appetites and the disorder in your own soul, which are the causes of war. If you love peace then hate injustice, hate tyranny, hate greed but hate these things in yourself not in another” (Thomas Merton).
In the evening after the supper, we had a community meeting about evaluation of our community project of life (vow of mission).
Friday, February 25, 2005. “For me to be a saint means to be myself. Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and of discovering my true self” (Thomas Merton).
In the morning after the Mass, I headed to Saint Therese Church to meet Father Michael for spiritual direction. I remained there and read my CTU course for next week. In the evening as a community of Hyde Park we gathered at Saint Therese Church to pray the way of cross at 7 p.m. and had fish fry at 6 p.m. with the parishioners.
Saturday, February 26, 2005. “Our service of God and of the Church does not consist only in talking and doing. It can also consist in periods of silence, listening and waiting. Perhaps it is very important, in our era of violence and unrest, to rediscover meditation, silent inner unitive prayer, and creative Christian silence” (Thomas Merton).
In the morning Mass presided by Father Victor, I uttered my reflection on the Gospel reading today as I shared here. Since morning to noon I did some work at the basement, laundry and at noon I took a walk at downtown to buy some souvenirs for my niece in Ponorogo-Indonesia. In the afternoon Ignas picked me up to Saint Therese Chinatown then we (Petrus, Dharmawan, Ignas and I) went to Edi’s house to celebrate Edi’s birthday. I saw Petrus and Dharmawan prepared booklets for Petrus’ final vows celebration that will be held at Saint Therese next week, on Sunday, May 6th.
Reflection on Luke 15:11-32 (Saturday, February 26, 2005)
Almost at the end of my novitiate year, a psychologist lady was saying to me that I have a deep trauma of lost of father’s figure. She bombarded and pursued me with many interrogative questions in which she wanted raised my anger. But, at that time I couldn’t be angry since I had accepted my father as my father in his uniqueness both positive and negative. Then she claimed me as a conformist person. I faced such a difficult time that I thought it would impact on my continuation to my vocation life in the Xaverians but eventually I could go ahead make my first profession and until now I still have strength and perseverance in living out my vocation. Actually, I don’t deny that in fact I have bad and hard time experiencing dark side of my father’s life. In the other side, probably people outside never knew that my father also has a positive side in taking responsibility of his five children. People normally talk only the bad side of my father’s life and they wonder when see that all of us as his children do not follow his bad side. It could happen because of my father’s strength and discipline in educating us to do much better things than he has done and never imitate his bad attitude. Every time I went home to take vacation, my father always invited me to go to a dinner in a restaurant both on my first day and last day of staying at my hometown. Even he took me to a bus or train station until I left him. I experienced the same good experience when I left for Philadelphia last year doing ministry in which three of my formators (Xaverian fathers) here in Chicago gave me warm and best wishes to me and one of them took me to the airport. When I returned to Chicago, my rector offered me dinner at a restaurant for supper. Even he offered me to pick me up at the airport. It’s exactly reminded me a nice experience with my own father.
In the Gospel today we know that the key figure is the Father as a representative of God’s unconditional love to both his sons. The quality of the father on this account is evident with his action when his prodigal son returned home. This father has initiative to welcome him: ‘his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him’ then ‘quickly, bring out a robe, the best one and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet….and celebration.’ Facing the older son who is jealous and grumbling to the younger brother, this father has a prudent approach as well: ‘his father came out and began to plead with him.’ The father tries to make peace to both sons especially the older son, saying “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.”
Reading and seeing the cover a book of Henri J. Nouwen entitled ‘The Return of the Prodigal Son’ with a painting of Rembrandt’s ‘The Return of the Prodigal Son,’ gives me a clear image how good it is the quality of the father in the Gospel account. His hands depict a hand of a mother and a father. He embraces his younger son with full of compassion, forgiveness, acceptance and gratitude. The big themes completely filled this painting and account such as homecoming, affirmation, reconciliation that will be known by those who are enduring loneliness, dejection, jealousy and anger. The ultimate message for us at this time is the challenge to love as the father and be loved as the son. How do we practice the act of the father in accepting others wholeheartedly and as a younger son who is willing to receive the compassion and pure love of the father?
We are invited and called to see our whole life in this picture, the picture of homecoming and identify to three figures: the father, the older son and the younger son. As a matter of fact, each one of us can reflect that in some period of time we can be the older son when we have jealousy, pride, stereotype, closed mind, self-pity and unsatisfactory to the father. Sometimes in our life we can be the younger son who run away from the father’s love and squandered the property given by the father. We can take the good process of conversion of the younger son: contrition (realizing that his life in the impact of his sin is not worth), confession (coming back to the father and saying that ‘I am no longer worthy to be called your son’) and penance (receiving the father’s love and acceptance).
Moreover, we should imitate the father as our ultimate goal in our life’s journey. From the Rembrandt’s painting, we can see that from him comes all the light, intended that our primary attention go to the father before anyone else. Being in the Father’s house requires that I make the Father’s life my own and become transformed in his image. Looking the pictures of my father, my siblings and myself, immediately I can see similar features I have and inherit of my father. Indeed, I am an heir, successor of my father who has positive and negative sides in his life and I have to realize and aware that I have both sides as well that sometimes misunderstood and condemned by others, as my father was by me. Finally, I am looking forward to experience my next homecoming (2007) to my own father and my ‘fathers’ and patiently walking in the process to become a ‘father’ who expresses qualities of the father in full of compassion, gratitude, open hearted, forgiveness as the Father in heaven.
Sunday, February 27, 2005. “The secret of my identity is hidden in the love and mercy of God. If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him…The only One who can teach me to find God is God, Himself alone” (Thomas Merton).
In the morning I attended the Mass at Saint Thomas at 8 o’clock. I cooked today for community: green bean porridge, beef soup (Soto Madura), crackers and rice. After taking a nap for a while, I finalize this weekly journal and sent it as usual via e-mail. I was very impressed by the Merton’s prayer that we prayed at the class of spirituality in a new millennium as I copy below:
Merton’s Famous Prayer
My Lord God
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really understand myself.
And the fact that I think I am following
Your will does not mean I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
Does in fact please you.
And I hope I have desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road
Though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may
seem to be lost in the shadow of death.
I will not fear you are ever with me and
You will never leave me to face my troubles alone.
4) Hari Minggu Masa Pra-Paskah ke-3, 27 Februari 2005
Senin, 21 Februari 2005. “Di Louisville, di sudut jalan antara Fourth and Walnut, di pusat perbelanjaan, aku tiba-tiba merasakan kegembiraan yang meluap-luap dengan kenyataan bahwa aku mencintai semua orang ini, bahwa mereka adalah milikku dan aku adalah milik mereka, bahwa mereka tak dapat menjadi asing satu sama lain kendati kami semua tidak saling kenal. Ini mirip dengan sadar dari mimpi keterpisahan isolasi diri yang palsu dalam suatu dunia yang khusus, dunia yang meninggalkan hal duniawi dan semestinya dalam kekudusan. Seluruh ilusi dari suatu keberadaan keterpisahan yang kudus adalah suatu mimpi. Bukan bahwa saya mempertanyakan realitas panggilanku, atau kehidupan membiara/bertapaku: namun pemahaman dari ‘keterpisahan dari dunia’ yang kami miliki dalam pertapaan terlalu mudah menghadirkan diri sebagai seuatu ilusi yang utuh: ilusi dengan mengikrarkan kaul-kaul kami menjadi suatu makhluk yang khusus, serupa malaikat, ‘manusia spiritual/rohani’, manusia dengan hidup batin, apa pun yang telah kamu…Syukur kepada Allah, syukur kepada Allah bahwa aku seperti orang lain juga, bahwa aku hanya seorang manusia diantara manusia-manusia lainnya” (Thomas Merton).
Minggu ini saya belajar tentang Thomas Merton dari kedua matakuliah saya di CTU yaitu Spiritualitas dalam millennium baru dan kelas etika (pencarian keadilan). Itulah mengapa saya mengutip sebagian besar kutipan jurnal minggu ini dari bacaan tentang Thomas Merton. Saya terkesan pada spiritualitasnya yang tak pernah puas untuk berhenti menetap dalam sebuah spiritualitas namun selalu mencoba menemukan makan kehidupan dalam kesunyian, perhatian pada masalah sosial bahkan masalah dunia, terbuka pada spiritualitas lain khususn antara Barat dan Timur, dan paradox dalam perjalanan panggilan hidupnya dalam banyak aspek.
Selasa, 22 Februari 2005. “Dosa adalah mencoba untuk menghindarkan diri dari penderitaan yang tak terhindarkan” (Carol Stuhlmuller).
Akhrnya, saya mendapatkan laporan nilai dari satu matakuliah yang saya ambil saat musim panas 2004 lalu yaitu sebuah kelas spiritualitas yang saya dapat dari kantor registrasi setelah saya minta kepada Maria Lemus beberapa kali. Saya terkagum dengan banyaknya fasilitas di perpustakaan CTU khususnya beberapa kaset tape dan video tentang spiritualitas, Kitab Suci dan banyak hal lain yang menarik. Maka saya meminjam beberapa tape kaset ini. Saya mendapatkan sebuah DVD dari Pastor Pascal yang ia beli dari Amazon.com, berjudul Dietrich Bonhoeffer untuk kuliah spiritualitas saya yaitu Spiritualitas untuk millennium baru. Saya akan menggunakannya untuk bahan presentasi kelas ini pada tanggal 11 April nanti. Saya tak sabar menunggu ingin melihat film ini maka sore hari saya menontonnya. Banyak hal yang saya dapat pelajari dari DVD ini namun saya akan menulisnya nanti ketika saatnya tiba bagiku untuk mempresentasikannya.
Rabu, 23 Februari 2005. “Kebencian adalah benih dari kematian dalam hatiku, sementara benih ini mencari kematian orang lain. Cinta adalah benih kehidupan dalam hatiku sendiri ketika benih ini mencari kebaikan dari orang lain” (Thomas Merton).
Pagi ini saya menemui Suster Dawn Notwehr, OSF direktur dari program M.Div di CTU untuk membicarakan program kuliah saya khususnya tranfer kredit saya. Alhasil, ia membuat sebuah permohonan untuk penambahan tranfer kredit dua matakuliah, yaitu: agama dalam konteks (Complementary Core) yang saya usulkan dengan studi saya Teologi Asia dan Kelas Khotbah di mana saya mengusulkan matakuliah homiletika dan kateketik yang pernah saya ambil dalam studi saya sebelumnya di STF Driyarkara di Jakarta-Indonesia. Ia meneruskan permohonan ini kepada dekan CTU yaituGary Riebe, SVD dan saya hanya menunggu dan melihat nanti apa pun hasilnya dalam hari-hari mendatang.
Kamis, 24 Februari 2005. “Maka daripada mencintai apa yang kamu pikir adalah kedamaian, kasihilah orang lain dan kasihilah Allah di atas segalanya. Dan daripada membenci orang yang kamu pikir adalah pembuat keributan, bencilah nafsu-hasrat dan ketidakteraturan dalam jiwamu sendiri, yang adalah penyebab keributan atau perang ini. Jika kamu mencintai kedamaian maka bencilah ketidakadilan, bencilah tirani, bencilah keserakahan, namun bencilah hal ini semua dalam dirimu bukan dalam diri sesamamu” (Thomas Merton).
Malam hari setelah makan malam, kami mengadakan pertemuan komunitas mengevaluasi proyek hidup komunitas kami (kaul misi).
Jumat, 25 Februari 2005. “Bagiku menjadi seorang kudus berarti menjadi diriku sendiri. Oleh karena itu masalah kekudusan dan keselamatan dalam kenyataannya adalah menemukan siapa diriku dan penemuan jati diriku” (Thomas Merton).
Pagi hari setelah misa, saya pergi ke Gereja Santa Theresia, Chinatown untuk menemui Pastor Michael untuk bimbingan rohani. Saya tetap tinggal di sana dan membaca bahan bacaan kuliah saya untuk minggu depan. Sore harinya sebagai komunitas dari Hyde Park kami mengikuti doa jalan salib di gereja ini jam 7 dan ikut makan malam bersama para umat jam 6 di basement dengan menu ikan (tradisi hari Jumat di USA ini).
Sabtu, 26 Februari 2005. “Pelayananku akan Allah dan pada Gereja tidak terdiri hanya dari berbicara dan mengerjakan sesuatu. Ini juga dapat terdiri dari periode keheningan, mendengarkan dan menunggu. Barangkali hali ini sungguh amat penting, dalam masa kekerasan dan kerusuhan, untuk menemukan kembali meditasi, doa dengan keheningan batin yang menyatu, dan keheningan Kristiani yang kreatif” (Thomas Merton).
Dalam misa pagi yang dipimpin oleh Pastor Victor, saya memberikan refleksi saya atas bacaan Injil hari ini dan saya sharingkan di sini juga. Sejak pagi hingga tengah hari saya membersihkan basement, cuci & seterika baju dan siang harinya saya jalan-jalan ke downtown untuk membeli sesuatu oleh-oleh untuk keponakan saya di Ponorogo-Indonesia. Di sore hari Ignas menjemputku untuk pergi ke Gereja Santa Theresia lalu kami bereempat (Petrus, Dharmawan, Ignas dan saya) pergi ke rumah Edi untuk merayakan ulang tahun Edi. Saya melihat Petrus dan Dharmawan sibuk mempersiapkan booklet untuk acara perayaan kaul kekal Frater Petrus minggu depan yaitu tepatnya hari Minggu, 6 Mei di Gereja Santa Theresia. (Untuk renungan atas bacaan Injil Lukas 15:11-32 yaitu ‘anak yang hilang’ bisa dilihat di atas – edisi bahasa Inggrisnya).
Minggu, 27 Februari 2005. “Rahasia identitas diriku adalah tersembunyi dalam kasih dan kebaikan Allah. Jika saya menemukan Dia saya akan menemukan diriku sendiri dan jika saya menemukan jati diriku sendiri saya akan menemukan Dia…Satu-satunya orang yang dapat mengajarku untuk menemukan Allah adalah Allah, Allah, Dia sendiri” (Thomas Merton).
Pagi hari saya menghadiri misa di Gereja Santo Thomas jam 8. Saya hari ini memasak untuk komunitas: bubur kacang ijo, Soto Madura, krupuk dan nasi. Setelah istirahat siang sebentar, saya merampungkan jurnal mingguan ini lalu segera mengirimkannya lewat e-mail seperti biasa. Saya terkesan sekali dengan doa yang kami doakan di kelas spiritualitas dalam millennium baru di CTU yaitu doa Thomas Merton seperti saya kutip di bawah ini:
Doa Terkenal dari Thomas Merton
O Tuhan Allahku
Aku tak tahu ke mana aku pergi.
Aku tak melihat jalan di depanku.
Aku tak dapat mengetahui pasti di mana ini akan berakhir.
Tidak pula aku sungguh memahami diriku sendiri.
Dan kenyataannya adalah aku berpikir aku sedang mengikuti
KehendakMu tidak berarti aku sungguh sedang melakukannya.
Namun aku percaya bahwa keinginan untuk menyenangkan dikau
Dalam kenyataan membuat Dikau senang.
Kuberharap memiliki keinginan dalam segala apa yang aku sedang lakukan.
Kuberharap bahwa aku tak pernah melakukan sesuatu jauh dari keinginan itu.
Dan aku mengetahui bahwa jika aku melakukan ini,
kamu akan memimbimbingku di jalan yang benar
Meskipun aku mungkin tidak mengetahui apa pun tentang hal ini.
Oleh karena itu aku percaya kepadamu selalu meskipun aku mungkin nampak
Hilang tersesat dalam bayang-bayang kematian.
Aku tidak akan takut karena Dikau bersamaku dan
Dikau tak akan pernah meninggalkan aku menghadapi kesulitan-kesulitan sendiri.
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